May 23, 1915
I overheard Nan and Mom talking about me, I didn't mean to eavesdrop but it happened. Something about Nan being worried about Ken and me kissing? Mother didn't seem to be worried though, mostly asked something about Jerry and if she had something she needed to share. Nan most refuted that Jerry was a minister's son and a gentleman.
Mother was like. "Ministers ' sons are not monks.' Whatever that means. I mean Nan and Jerry couldn't have, could they? No no...Mother went on, 'Dearest, I am proud you are worried about her in such a way, but after last summer…she still has nightmares, she still crawls into my bed at night when Dad is out on a call. I don't see her being ready for that sort of thing. Yes, I told you kissing can be a slippery slope, and that you need to be careful and have boundaries with young men. Rilla knows…and Ken would never press it, or agree to anything like that. Your sister is slowly returning to her old self but she is far cry, and most likely will be the girl we knew again. Ken and Rilla are fine, don't worry so much about them.
Ken is watching me…I will end this here, but Nan needs to stop being so nosy. It's just kissing…and we don't kiss at night.
The days are warm and long, between the hustle and bustle of everyday life that settles in, Rilla and Ken fall into old routines that remind her of Toronto. Late evenings, and early mornings, bouncing back and forth between rooms. Her siblings go about their things, Walter spends his time in Lowbridge, and Nan and Di work in various sewing groups and do their social calls. Rilla collects the eggs in the morning and feeds the chicken these days, while Ken helps keep the small stable clean for her father.
After a cat nap one morning they go down to the shore, despite it being late May and the water still too cold to do more than stick your feet in.
She wears a red bathing suit borrowed from her sister, it was one for lounging, not swimming with a skirt. Her shoes and stockings were tucked away so she could feel the sand between her toes. Ken was in a sports shirt and a pair of linen trousers. Both lay out on towels, while her toes pointed as she basked in the sunlight. Long limbs, and not a corset in sight today as she stretched out like a cat.
"Do you believe in Mermaids?" Rilla asks him leaning up on her elbows.
"Mermaids, not particularly but the tales of selkies are intriguing," Ken answers her.
"There has to be something beyond the depths of the ocean though. Naiads existed in mythology, sirens luring ships into their grasp to drown them. I wish they had been drowned," Rilla says surprising Kenneth slightly even if he doesn't show it outwardly. She never mentioned them in such a way. So offhandedly, without emotion, it was just a fact of her life.
He rolls over to his side to watch her, not saying a word.
"What are you doing?" Rilla asks him giving him a look.
"Memorizing your face, I never want to forget it," Ken says simply.
"If you take a picture you'll have it forever," Rilla teases him only for him to grin and reach for the camera in the bag he brought along. "Really Ken?"
"You said it," Ken grins snapping a photo before putting it aside.
"What tales of selkies have you heard?" Rilla asks him.
"Just the usual kinds, selkies shed their pelts to be human. Sometimes they fall in love, other times they are tricked and held hostage by humans hiding their skins from them. Sometimes they seek revenge for the harm done to them. Sometimes they find true love and live in harmony of both worlds, have children who are both worlds," Ken says recalling various tales he had come across or heard over the years.
Rilla sighs sitting up, before pulling herself up from the sand and walking quietly towards the ocean. It's ice cold, but she doesn't mind as waves crash around her ankles and then her calves.
"Maybe I am a selkie trapped in this realm of Hades because they took her skin away from her?" She says into the ocean sighing.
"Don't think like that," Ken says coming up behind her. "You are more than what happened, and you have your skin and your life and a family that loves you dearly. If anything you would be a Nereid, a nymph of the sea and the most known was what? Amphitrite? Goddess of the sea in her own right, consort of Poseidon, mother of Triton?"
"You know mythology?" Rilla looks at him in awe.
"I've been doing some light reading to keep up with your references at times," Ken says sheepishly grinning. His hands gently circled her waist, kissing her neck tenderly.
"Does it bother you that Walter doesn't seem keen on this?" Rilla asks him.
"As a friend, Walter needs to figure out his priorities and morals of the world before he can cast stones at others, as a brother-in-law he needs to accept things as they are," Ken says after a moment. "Though as someone who is also a brother, I believe that his guilt makes him act the way he does and I can understand that as well."
Rilla only nods her head, a shiver running up her body from the cold water. She can barely say a word as Ken sweeps her up in his arms. For a half second, her heart stammers in panic and fear. He lays her out on her beach towel and sits beside her.
Father is out on the veranda when they return home, Ken carrying the wicker beach bag of things.
"I was beginning to worry you drowned in the sea," He comments
"We didn't swim Dad," Rilla says in response, stepping onto her toes to kiss his cheek in greeting. "Just spent some time talking and basking in the sun."
"Well don't forget about your chores, you have responsibilities all the same," Father tells her.
"I know," Rilla says quietly. "I did them this morning, I sweep and dust after I dress."
"Stop by my office when you are," Father says shutting his book.
"Why?" Rilla says frowning looking confused at her father and Ken.
"Just please do so," Father tells her before going for the door. Rilla looks at Ken who shrugs, she changes quickly into a gingham day dress. She knocks on her father's office before stepping into the room.
"Is everything okay?" Rilla asks quietly. "You're not…displeased with me for sleeping in the spare room?" She asks cautiously.
"Sleeping in the spare?" Her father repeats. "That isn't about that sweetheart, I was just…I was just updating and reading over some charts. I just…I just wanted to know if there was anything you had questions about, or if things resumed to normal after…November?"
"Oh…mother never…" Rilla finds her blushing.
"She mentioned one thing or another but I rather it from you," Father explains.
"It's back to normal? Normal as what I know normal?" Rilla blushes. "My arm aches slightly but it's not overtly bothersome."
"That's good," Father nods his head, tilting it slightly. "Though I may ask about sleeping arrangements if everything is normal."
"It's not like that, you have to know that," Rilla says quickly blushing.
"I know, but I also have to…ensure you understand things," Father says awkwardly. "Marriage can be…"
"Dad…please!" Rilla stops him, turning even more red that went down her clavicle in a hued flush.
"All right, all right…but you are always welcome to soothe nightmares as you have been even if he is around. You're still our daughter first, "Father says.
"I know," Rilla says quietly.
"Have you decided if you are coming to the party?"
"I haven't thought about it," Rilla tells him honestly. "It's up to Ken I suppose, I am not going without him?"
She is nervous about attending even with Ken beside her and her siblings. No one would say anything if Ken was around.
"Do me up will you?" She turns to Ken pulling her hair off to the side for her. Tiny hooks and ribbons. A green dress, not the green dress, she had no idea what happened to that perfect dress, one from Di's closet she no longer wears. It's more saturated, which was something she liked.
Ken does her up, before holding her waist for a moment. Stiff cotton and still was all he felt before kissing the back of her neck. She makes a small noise in her thought, not necessarily a cry-out, but more of a surprise with a sprinkle of a tiny moan. She blushes, and steps away from him, Leslie's words coming back into her mind.
She blushes going back to her room to finish pinning up the loose curls with a few pins. They make their way down with her family. The Meredith were already there conversing freely. Faith seemed to be teaching little girls to dance, it was only frowned upon when it was the opposite gender for children of the manse.
Una sat manning the punch bowl quietly. Watching Walter go about the room to where he found Alice Parker with her gold hair done up fashionably.
It was majestic though, the music was lively and the old barn was filled with all ages. They weren't just sweethearts or young people. Old matrons and their husbands led the dance floor in their lines of dancing. Electric lights dangled from the rafters and lanterns. Something beyond the war, even though there was still an emphasis on it of course. You could escape it so easily, but village tradition still needed to stand.
A few whispers came about when people saw her.
Still too young, but Ken kept a steady hand on her and led her to the dance floor.
There was a large lack of young men, minus a few who didn't qualify, or like Kenneth himself had to wait to enlist. He twirled her around, and she was smiling. Her feet still knew the steps and the feeling of Ken's hands on her waist and arms was normal as could be. Slow and steady, waltz that let her focus on Ken and Ken alone.
Though Father was dancing with Mother with a grin on his face, Mrs. Elliot laughing and dancing rather methodically amusing others around them. A bunch of ladies were dancing with each other, or young men who still were too young for war making sure that the ladies of Glen St Mary had all a turn on the dance floor. Even Shirley was on the dance floor, with Susan and another slip of a thing that had caught his attention. Someone Rilla didn't know from her year in school so he had to be from Low Bridge or Harbour Head?
Ken being the dancer he was, led her with ease as her skirts swished around them. She closed her eyes as she spun around, but when she opened them mid spin her gut plummeted seeing the ever-betrayed, annoyed face of Fred Arnold, she stopped laughing, making her stumble over her feet, though Ken was still holding her steady.
"Sorry," She mumbles.
"It's okay," Ken says smiling at her. They dance more, Ken only leaves her to make use of the bushes in the evening. It was the scent of tobacco and cigars weaved in the air that hit her like a tonne of brick as she waited by the door for him.
She's frozen in her memories and jumps and yelps when he tries to touch her.
"Breathe Rilla, it's okay, you're not there," he whispers pulling her close as he could without frightening her more. The cologne is familiar and it lets her heart slow in a softer beat.
People noticed, of course, Mother and Father noticed. Ken just shook his head and carefully led her away from the crowd "We can just go home, we tried but you weren't ready for it, and that's okay," he says cautiously moving to wipe away the tears that fell down her face.
"What's wrong?" Mother says coming up behind them.
"She just got a little overwhelmed I think," Ken tells his mother-in-law. "I'll take her back to Ingleside."
"No," Rilla shakes her head. "I can…I can do this"
"Rilla darling there is no reason to punish yourself so," Mother tells her.
"I need…I need to do this." Rilla stammers slightly, flushing red. She ultimately regrets it when she can't sleep because of all the counting of sheep she tries. Ken is lightly snoring, after drifting after kissing her goodnight. Her father is snoring as well she notes slipping away from Ken and his warmth she wanders down the stairs, patting Monday's head as she does.
"It's okay boy," she whispers, he had loosened up on his vigilant watching since the fall. Almost as if he realized that things were different now. She shoves her feet into wellingtons and quietly opens the kitchen door to not wake Susan. It had been raining earlier and the air was still damp as was the ground.
She wanders amongst the flowers and shrubs her mother had planted and managed all her life. She giggles lightly to herself jumping over a puddle, adding a little spin. The bats of Ingleside fly across the sky, and the old owl hoots from tree branches, yellow eyes glowing.
Bright star, would I were steadfast as thou art—
Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night
And watching, with eternal lids apart,
She whispers a poem that she knows through Walter—Bright Star, Keats.
She twirls, her nightgown floating in the air as she does.
"Rilla, What are you doing?" She hears stopping her mid-spin to see Ken, in his pyjamas standing in the door with a lamp in his hand. His face is still full of the fear that came with waking up to find her gone from his side.
"I couldn't sleep," she says. "I wanted some fresh air."
"It's three in the morning," Ken says holding his watch up.
"I couldn't sleep," Rilla repeats to him more defensively this time around. "I'm at home, and I don't leave the garden."
"Home or not Rilla—you'll catch your death in the night air like this," Ken stumbles over his words. Almost as if he were caught thinking something else entirely, how would she know how his heart stopped when they knocked on his uncle's door, how Jem and Walter were panicked as they explained they couldn't find Rilla? How he grabbed his lantern and threw on his boots once more to help look for her.
"I'm wearing rubber boots," Rilla says simply and Ken wonders what is going through her pretty head. "Why does it matter? If the toilet wasn't working we would have to use the outhouse in the middle of the night what is the difference?"
"Because—," Ken says after a moment. 'You're not just in and out Rilla you are walking about and wandering. You're also my wife that's why I am out here right now," Ken stammers frustrated and she looks a him as he shoots at her. Her face goes stoney and she looks at him.
"I didn't ask to be anyone's wife Kenneth…"Rilla says to him shortly but watches him grab someone's sweater and sit down on one of the old wicker chairs.
"Of course, my apologies for caring enough to marry you to give you a life," Ken says sarcastically. "Either way I am going to sit out here until you decide to come inside."
"Oh don't be like that! You know I didn't mean it like that," Rilla cries out, indignant and hurt.
"Doesn't matter, you won't come in, I will sit here until you do," Ken tells her stubbornly.