I land on my butt once again.

Julius: "Well done."

He had a satisfied expression on his face, so he geniunely meant that.

Cylob: "If you say that right after knocking me down to the ground, I won't feel good, you know? Even if you truly mean it."

This was the second training session with Julius, and I was getting my ass beat once again.

Julius: "Whether you feel good or not is up to you. My praise is genuine, and that's all there is to it. I am surprised by your quick reactions, adjusting and learning. I haven't seen any other person who could process and use information as fast as you can." He combs his bangs.

That's all because of Thought Acceleration. Back in my old body, my reaction time was slower than average.

Cylob: "Thanks." I smile a bit.

But hearing it from someone like Julius does make me feel better about myself. Even if only a little bit.

He scrutinizes me, sighs and starts talking.

Julius: "Your inferiority complex is still a big problem. You should work on that as much as you can. Underestimating yourself is a bad habit."

Cylob: "I know, but I can't do much about it. No matter how many pep talks I give myself, it just doesn't go away."

I've tried everything at this point. I've even said "I know all my weaknesses, so it's easy for me to belittle myself", but even that didn't help.

Most of it comes down to the fact that nobody knows my previous self. They don't know how useless I was, and they don't know how much I didn't earn. They just assume that I got all of this through hard work, and that sucks.

I could see Julius looking at the position of the sun.

Cylob: "Is our training session already over?"

Julius: "Yes." He nods

I stand up and Predator the dirt off of my clothes.

Cylob: "I wish we could train more." I scratch my head.

I look at Julius as he ponders for a bit. After a bit of thinking he sheathes his sword and combs his hair.

Julius: "While it is nice to nurture a talent such as yourself, we both have jobs to do. It is not knightly to neglect your duties." He says with a serious expression.

Cylob: "True." I nod

...

I don't have anything to continue the conversation! The silence is so awkward! Let's umm... I know! I'll just end the training session!

Cylob: "Thank you for training me today." I bow.

He nods.

Julius: "It was a pleasure to teach you once again as well."

He turns to the direction of the capital-

Julius: "What I said last time still stands." -and runs away.

Cylob: "Again? Just how much does he want me to become a knight? I get that I'm strong, but they have people who are even stronger. I don't feel like I bring anything that good to the table."

I was pretty confused, so I just decided to ignore that information.

This time around I didn't have any more time to train, so no training with Wilhelm for me.

I just decided to head back to Crusch's manor.

.▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒.

I was now laying on my bed, thinking about random stuff.

I was in the room that Crusch decided to give me.

I talked to her about it, but her decision didn't change in the slightest.

She said that even if I didn't use it, it would still be considered mine. I couldn't pass up that kind of kindness, so I decided to atleast spend my free time here.

I couldn't do much in my free time, so from the start I talked with Crusch and she gave me a workload that made it so I don't have much free time. Not much doesn't mean none tho...

Right now, I had 30 minutes before I would have to work, so I was just laying in my bed thinking about whatever came to my mind.

It was then that an interesting topic came to my mind:

How do my powers work?

I get how they work, but I don't know where they came from, or whether it's an authority or something different.

Is it very complicated magic, or is it an authority? Since I have the Witch's scent, it's probably an authority. But if it's an authority, then what sin does it represent?

Or does it not represent a sin in the first place? Return By Death is an authority and it doesn't represent any sin. Is my situation similar?

In the case of RbD Satella gave it to Subaru. Is my situation similar? Or did I get it just because I'm lucky?

In the first place how did I even get to Re:Zero? Did I get summoned? reincarnated? Hmm... I feel like even if I think about that, I won't get an answer. In the first place, nobody knows how Subaru got to Re:Zero, so there's no way I can know how I did.

Back on the topic off my powers tho... How does my body work? How did it get made? Is it a part of the authority?

My powers are most likely just an authority, but what about my body? Is it really some kind of race and my bullshitting was actually true? Or is it another power of my authority? Capella can change her body with her authority, so why can't I?

But if my body is a part of my authority, then why can't I change into anyone else? This is actually the biggest difference in my abilities and Rimuru's.

He could become another creature, but I can't. But this is actually not that big of a surprise.

I can't 'manipulate' stuff when it's in my stomach. Sometimes I feel the things inside my stomach, but I can't 'change' them. I can't analyze them either.

...

Is this how Rimuru would've been without Great Sage?

...

Is that my entire situation?

I have every power that Rimuru does, except for Great Sage. If he didn't have Great Sage, would he be just as lost as me?

...

But do I really not have Great Sage?

For the longest time, I've been noticing that there's something wrong with my 'instincts'.

Sometimes they would feel alive. Sometimes they would act without my permission. I won't even mention the fact that I could 'give' control of my body to my instincts.

Are my instincts... a very weak version of Great Sage? And if they are... then how can I contact Great Sage? How can I talk with her? How can I... communicate with her?

Great Sage... no. I'll give you a name. Saying Great Sage doesn't make me feel close enough to you.

How about... Ashna? Yeah... Ashna.

So... Ashna. If you can hear me then... don't feel alone. I can't imagine how hard it is to not be able to talk to anyone, but please don't feel alone.

I'm sorry that I can't communicate with you properly, but I promise that I acknowledge your existence. I know that sounds weak, but I can't come up with anything better right now, so I hope this is enough.

*sigh*

Just how dumb do I look right now if I don't have Ashna? I'm pretty sure really dumb, heh.

But if she is there, then I can't just ignore her. That would be rude of me.

*knock* *knock*

I quickly get up and open the door. The person knocking was the head maid Maria.

She was quite old, her hair was already grey which was put in a bun and her skin already had some wrinkles. She had a gentle mother-like expression that could give anyone some comfort, but she had stern hands that could do any task imaginable. Her voice was hoarse, but it held a quality you couldn't help but listen to.

Cylob: "Is it time for work already?"

Maria: "Yes it is, dear. Now, come along."

Damn. Those 30 minutes went by in a flash.

We started walking.

Cylob: "What am I doing today?"

Maria: "You'll be helping me with cleaning the 'far room'."

Cylob: "The 'far room', huh."

That's the one I talked with Subaru in during the Echidna problem. It's called the 'far room' because... that's exactly what it is. It's not the room with the best noise isolation, nor is it the most neglected one, but it is the furthest one from every other room.

We arrived at the room, and one person was already cleaning it.

Cylob: "Are three people really necesssary for this task?"

Maria: "Of course not, but it's faster this way, is it not?"

But I don't want to work with...-

Caroline: "Is there a problem?"

Cylob: "No, not at all." I shake my head.

-Caroline.

I start helping clean up the room.

Why am I uncomfortable with working with Caroline? The reason for that i-

Maria: "*cough* *cough*"

Cylob: "Bless you."

Maria: "Haha! No matter how many times I hear that response, I can't get used to it. Tell me, what makes you say that?"

Cylob: "Whenever someone sneezed, my parents always used to say "bless you", so I picked it up from them. But eventually, I just started saying it whenever someone made a sound that was 'bad'. No matter whether it's a cough, a sneeze or a burp."

Maria: "That's quite nice of you. Though I'm not sure how blessed I truly am, I can feel my hands losing their sharpness every day. I'm truly getting old, am I not?" She says with a somewhat pained smile.

Cylob: "Yes, you are. But who says that getting old is all bad? There are plusses for everything, just as there are minuses. I don't know what the plusses are, but I'm sure you'll find them if you search for them. All you have to do is try hard enough. And from my perspective you're very hardworking. Even though your body is getting old, you keep working, and even with that demerit you're still better than everyone here. From my perspective the older you get, the more we can see just how impressive you were and are. Even though you're physically worse than the rest of us, you're still better at chores by a mile. That's something that's hard to earn, is it not?"

Maria smiled softly, and I could almost see her young beauty.

Maria: "You're right. It's impressive how smart young people are nowadays. There's no way someone back in my times would've said something so profound at such a young age."

During our entire chat we were cleaning, so we weren't neglecting our duties, but the same reaction as always followed:

Caroline frowned.

I couldn't really understand why she always did that.

Whenever I made a joke, praised someone or just in general talked to someone, she would always frown.

When I praised her specifically or told a joke to her specifically, she would smile a bit, but then immediately frown.

Eventually I just decided to meet her as little as possible, as it was clear that I was making her uncomfortable.

Me getting a room didn't help with that.

She became even more rigid around me, and her frowning got worse as well.

I genuinely didn't know what to do with her, so avoiding her as much as possible was my only solution.

This was the reason I didn't want to work with her: I didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

One time I managed to gather enough courage to ask her about it, but she kept changing the subject, so I just decided to stop bothering her, as it was clearly personal.

Since then I haven't really interacted with her much, so this moment was... bad for me.

...

Now that I look closely at her, she constantly has a sad expression, doesn't she?

What is bothering her so much? I wish I could turn that frown upside down.

She's the youngest maid here... is that the problem? Probably not. Everyone around here is very nice, so there's no way she's feeling pressured or something like that.

...

She's beautiful, huh.

Her orange hair that is kept in a ponytail, and feels like it could warm you just as a fire would.

Her cyan eyes which are the colour of the sky, and feel like a cool sea which could cool anyone down.

Her serious expression that she almost never abandons.

...

Am I falling in love?... I'm not sure. I've never fallen in love, so even if this is it, I wouldn't know.

Caroline: "Why are you staring so much at me?"

Cylob: "I'm not sure. Probably because you're beautiful."

Caroline: "...I'm flattered, but could you please keep working?"

Cylob: "Ah! Of course. Sorry."

I didn't even realize I stopped working... Maybe this is love.

Is that... good? If this is love then... will this impact how I'll work and how I'll train?

I don't want to have her constantly on my mind. That would make me significantly worse at everything.

...

Let's just see how this goes first. This might not be love in the first place. I shouldn't jump to conclusions.

You can recognize beauty even if you don't like the person after all.

By the time I stopped thinking, all the cleaning was already done.

Maria: "We finished quite fast, so we're ahead of schedule. We should take a break."

Caroline: "Wouldn't it be better to start and finish early?"

Maria: "It's not good to overwork yourself. Besides, my old bones need some rest."

Caroline: "Ah! Sorry. I didn't think about that." She seemed genuinely sorry.

Maria: "It's fine." She said with a warm smile.

Even though Maria said that, I could still see the guilt and self-deprecation in Caroline's eyes.

Guilt... I get that.

So we took a little break.

.▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒░▒.

Maria: "Thank you."

Cylob: "It's my job, so there's no need to thank me."

Maria: "I wanted to thank you for something else."

Cylob: "?"

I finished working and was now heading back to my room. Truthfully, I didn't know why Maria was following me.

Maria: "I wanted to thank you for helping Caroline."

Huh?

Cylob: "How exactly did I help her? It actually seemed like the complete opposite."

Maria: "Before you arrived, Caroline didn't interact with anyone for matters not related to work. Every word that came out of her mouth was about work. While that is a good mindset, I could see how she wanted to talk with somebody, but her seriousness didn't allow her. After you arrived, she atleast started trying to talking about non-work matters. The more she's around you, the more talkative she gets."

...

Cylob: "What is your opinion? Do you think she likes me?"

Maria: "You're as straightforward as always. To be honest I'm not sure myself. Love can be difficult to identify sometimes."

...

I don't want her to like me. Please god, let it be something else.

Maria: "It's weird for you to ask something like that. Do you like her?"

Cylob: "I think she's beautiful, but that's it. I've seen a lot of people I consider beautiful, so I cannot say whether I like her or not."

Maria: "Hoh. You two seem to have quite the relationship."

Cylob: "That's true..."

And I'm not sure whether I like it.

...

I should change the topic or else I'll stop being productive.

We arrived at my room.

Cylob: "It was nice to talk with you, but I feel like we have to part ways here."

Maria: "That's true. Good night."

Cylob: "Good night to you too."

That's right, it was already time to go to sleep. I can't sleep of course, so instead I just go out of the Capital to train or do some other stuff.

I shut the door behind me, plupped down on my bed and started thinking again, but my mind kept drifting to the topic of Caroline.

But it wasn't for a good reason like I like her or something, no... it was because I was afraid.

I was afraid of getting confessed to.

For a long time, I have been afraid of people loving me. The reason for that is... I don't want to break their heart.

I haven't loved anybody in my life, and I wasn't sure if I ever would.

As such, I wasn't sure how to deal with confessions. How do I not break their heart? What should I say to make them feel better about themselves? Will I break their heart no matter what?

These kinds of questions constantly plauged my mind, but I could ignore them because nobody liked me in that way.

But right now, I had a pretty good chance of her liking me... and I was scared.

I don't want to break her heart. I don't want to make her cry. But I don't know how to prevent that.

No. Let's not jump to conclusions.

This might be something else. This doesn't have to be love.

Please...

...

Don't love me.