"One day he'll tell her. He'll tell her how he had to choose between risking her mental health and giving a chance to their child."
'Missing scenes' from 'The Trinity' (and a little 'sequel' either).
If you haven't read "The Trinity" yet, you need to read it first. Enoy!
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TWO LIVES
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... "Neo... I'm sorry..." she says as Neo's free hand cups Trinity's cheek again, feeling her tears. He knows what she means... she's not far along enough to safely deliver their baby, without risking both his life, and hers.
... Her body slumps into his arms, exhausted and worn out.
... "I love you so much, Neo" She whispers through labored breathing, struggling to pronounce words "and I'm so grateful for every moment I was with you..."
... "Don't!" Neo's voice is a scold this time
... "It's time. I've done what I can do. Now you have to let her do the rest"
... "What are you talking about?"
He follows her gaze meeting Kamala or better what it's supposed to be a sort of 3D image of the Indian woman.
... "You promised"
... Trinity says to the woman as she nods.
... "What?"
... He looks from Trinity to Kamala and from Kamala to Trinity again.
... "What? No!"
... "Let her give a chance to Eon"
... "No!"
... Neo shakes his head so firmly that he knows Trinity can feel it even through closed eyes.
... "Don't!" Neo's voice is a another scold "Don't you dare to give up" his tears wet her face mixing with hers "Don't... Trinity, please... I can't live without you..."
... She feels her life running away together with her blood...
... "You can. You will. For me"
... "No"
... There's no pain anymore.
... "Kiss me ... once more ... kiss me ..."
... He lowers his lips to hers, holding her hand as her grip loosens.
...
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Chapter 1
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In a loop
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"Honey..."
Darkness fades out as light hits my retina. My blue eyes are always sensitive to bright light and I have to fight to keep them open so I can focus on the man kneeling in front of me. I can see worrying turning in relief in his dark brown eyes. Pretty brown eyes.
... where am I? ... what's happened? ...
I can just exhale as the exhaustion of my body prevents me from moving. My hand moves along my body stopping on my baby bump. I'm on the floor, wearing just a pair of white cotton panties and a sport bra and from the dizziness still filling my head I can tell I probably just had a fainting.
"God, you scared me"
I just inhales and exhales again, watching his hand on my arm, his thumb moving up and down on my skin in a soft and comforting caress. I feel his strong arm slipping under my shoulders and around them, helping me to sit up and giving me time to adjust to the new position. He doesn't try to make me standing up, probably fearing I'd collapse again, and he just sits down on the floor near me instead, his arm still around my shoulders as I rest my head on his chest, feeling his toned pectorals against my cheek. He wears just a towel around his waist and his hair are still wet, sign that he probably hurried to exit the bathroom after having heard a thud from the bedroom, finding me passed out on the floor. I don't remember it actually. Nor fainting, nor standing up from the bed. And I feel weird. Like my body is not mine... like I'm not myself... but it's probably just dizziness.
I try to lean on the caring embrace of my husband. He smells of sandalwood shower gel and aftershave. I try to relax in his smell but my head suddenly spins heavily again, both my heart rate and my breathing speed and I can feel needles and pins in my fingers. Dark spots begin to appear in front of my eyes once more. Reality fades out. One second. A few. Many. I can't tell honestly. Then everything fades in again.
"I call the doctor"
"Uhm... no, I'm fine. Just... just, please, help me back to the bed..."
My eyes succeed in focusing again and they run around the room as his strong arms hold me tighter. He lifts me like I'm weightless, then he helps me to lie down. My eyes stop on the bright light entering from the glass wall and on the San Francisco landscape I can see through it.
Dawn. The exact moment in which darkness turns into light and you're blessed by the view of the brightness of sun once more... shades of pink and violet and light blue paint the sky.
... ... beautiful...
I suddenly gasp and my heart races again... and I close my eyes as I can clearly see bright images in front of my eyes anyway... the brightness of sun hitting my face... soft white clouds on a blue and pink sky... deep dark eyes... soft clouds turning in stormy dark clouds... I'm falling... we're falling... As I inhale the image fades out.
I open my eyes again on the dark eyes of my husband. My heart is hammering in my chest.
" You're so pale. .. You look whatever but fine, love. "
"I'm fine"
I say again. But from the look in his eyes I can get I probably didn't sound very convincing.
"I call the office. I'll stay home. I don't feel like leaving you alone today"
I watch him as he stands up to take his mobile.
"Don't, please" I reaches out my hand to touch his arm before he can dial the number "You don't have to... don't worry... I'm fine. I just need to rest,"
Caring deep dark eyes look at me, he sits down on the bed near me again and his fingers move a lock from my forehead, tucking it behind my ear. He stares into my eyes for what feels like an eternity, then he reluctantly nods.
"Promise" he says looking at me like I'm a little girl throwing a tantrum "Promise you'll rest"
His little smile is warm and caring again. Something inside me knows he's being protective, overprotective maybe, just for my well-being and I give him the same little smile. It doesn't reach my eyes though. If he notices it doesn't bother him, or he's just ignoring it. I have this feeling now that he knows me better than I know myself.
His hand finds my baby bump caressing it as I just stares at his hand.
"We have a scheduled appointment with the doctor for tomorrow, right?"
... we...
... actually I have a scheduled appointment with the gyn tomorrow... but I don't reply...
I answer just with a mmh-mmh.
"4 pm?"
I nod.
"Fine,"
He kisses my lips. Just a light kiss as his hand gives an affectionate squeeze to my shoulder in what is clearly a 'c'mon, hold on'.
"I'm gonna make breakfast, ok? You just rest, I'll be right back"
He's perfect... handsome and caring and whatever a woman could want from her husband... why do I feel like this then?
Once again I just give him a nod and another very tiny smile. I already know I won't be able to eat as I know he wouldn't take a 'no' as an answer. If only my stomach could keep something inside it! Everything is too tasty, too salty, too sweet... like my body were used just to tasteless food...
My hand finds my baby bump and it just rests there, motionless.
A perfect husband, a perfect baby-to-be, a perfect life... too perfect to be real.
"Tiff?"
"Mmh?"
"I love you"
...
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"How can she feel the man near her is a program?"
Rama's voice is perturbed. He really can't understand.
"I don't know, but something is not working properly if she has a sort of panic attack every time he draws closer to her"
I look at you, Trin, and I feel useless.
You don't move at my touch... if you can feel me I have no clue.
Your warm skin is the only sign you're still alive.
Naked and unconscious ... in a pod.
"He's exactly like you, Neo. I wrote him for being practically a copy of you. He's your double."
"And yet she feels it's not me"
I run a hand in my hair.
Wires are connected to your arms and to every single plug of your body. A tube is deep down your throat, breathing in your place.
Your body shakes again, heavily, like you're about having a seizure, as, in the Matrix, you're having another 'vision'. Pieces of our life coming back somehow in your mind, in what should be now just Tiffany's calm life. A perfect life purposely written to relax your mind, hoping your body can heal and that our baby can be strong enough to be safely delivered. And yet a perfect life your mind refuses to accept, once again fighting against a power you can feel is there... a power you can't control.
"Kamala!"
Your body shakes harder, your blood pressure falls and my heart stops as in the Matrix you lose consciousness again.
You're fighting again the power imposed over you, against the control put on your mind.
Kamala doesn't seem perturbed by my alarmed voice. She just checks your vitals, her features flat and unperturbed, like you're just an algorithm to fix...
Please, hold on.
Watching you like this... it aches more than being the one back in there. And yet there was not an alternative choice. The only way Machines had to try to give a chance to you and our baby. Kamala is a machine and like every machine or program she keeps her promises. And yet I can't help but feel that I'm letting her using your body like an incubator, risking your mental health to give our child a chance.
There was another option actually. Taking Eon from your womb and try to put his too little body in one of the 'fake wombs' of the fetus field... connecting him too to the system, separated from you... feeding him intravenously... but Morpheus' words came to my mind...
... 'I saw the fields with my own eyes, watched them liquefy the dead so they could be fed intravenously'...
The bare thought is unbearable. Not my kid. Not our kid.
I know you would kill me for just thinking about that!
Another shaking of your body... I don't know how long I can deal with watching you like this... with the pain of watching you struggling against being connected in the Matrix again, struggling against your own mind...
There's no certainty that you can go through all of this staying alive. No assurance that your body can afford all of this... no human being had never gone through a pregnancy and a delivery in a pod. And even if you succeed in giving birth to our child, I'm conscious there are even less guarantees that you can survive being unplugged again.
Once again hope is everything I can rely on.
I love you so damn much.
Please, don't give up. Hold on and come back to me...
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Sounds... far and muffled... like coming through water... voices maybe...
I never tried hallucinating drugs but I think being on LSD have to be like this. Hearing tastes, seeing sounds... a complete distortion of perceptions.
If I'm alive, please, let me go... let me die... I'm so tired...
I'm suddenly aware of the tube deep down in my throat... of the gag feeling triggered by it. If I'm under some sort of anesthetic drug I suppose it isn't working properly. I don't know if I'm trying to rebel against it... I don't feel my body actually... I just have this feeling of something warm and viscous wrapping me.
... ... Rama?
... ... I don't know... He's like you. I wrote him for being practically a copy of you... he's your double...
... ... and yet she feels it's not me...
Just barely audible nonsense words around me... and I just want to let go... but I feel it, I can't tell if it's a hand holding mine, grasping mine... but I feel it... and I know I cant... I can't let go...
The still little thinking part of my mind wonders if this is some sort of pre-death experience. Whatever it is I don't want to lose this sort of connection which keep me exactly where I am... I feel it... I can't name it, but I feel it... and I feel like I'm at home...
... ... Trinity!
I gasp, suddenly aware of the air entering my lungs.
... Tiffany!
... Honey!
Darkness fades out as light hits my retina. My blue eyes are always sensitive to bright light and I have to fight to keep them open so I can focus on the man kneeling in front of me. I can see worrying turning in relief in his dark brown eyes. Pretty brown eyes.
... where am I? ... what's happened? ...
I can just exhale as the exhaustion of my body prevents me from moving. My hand moves along my body stopping on my baby bump. I'm on the floor, wearing just a pair of white cotton panties and a sport bra and from the dizziness still filling my head I can tell I probably just had a fainting.
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Notes
I have to say this. I think Lana Wachowski is a genius.
Yeah, I've not forgiven her for Trinity's death in the 3rd chapter of the saga, but I'm one of those who think Resurrections is somehow pure geniality. Choosing actor Chad Stahelsky as Tiffany's husband is one of her gem. You all know that Chad Stahelsky was Keanu Reeves body stunt double, right? I got the idea for this chapter (and story) from that. And to be honest, Stahelsky was a very handsome man in his youth (even now)... obviously not as much as Keanu.