I don't know how long I'd been here, whimpering, and screaming in my truck. My body was writhing the entire time, clawing at the seats, at the wheel, gripping it so tight that I thought I was going to break my own hand.

I think I was begging? It's hard to make out, but I think I'm talking, wishing for someone to put me out of my misery?

I couldn't really hear myself though, or feel anything other than the pain. The overpowering sound of my beating heart drowned out the screaming - the begging, and my eyes were shut tight the entire time, only opening for a rare few moments, and only occasionally when they just fly open without me even trying.

It felt like I was in one of those sensory deprivation chambers, where there was nothing but the burning. Each agonizing second feeling like years as the fire burned me from the inside out.

I know that the sun has come and gone a few times already, it was the only possible way I could even guess at the amount of time I'd been in here.. Though I couldn't keep count, not really, obviously.

Vaguely I could remember in the back of my head, "three days." An impression of something, someone once said. It hurt too bad to really try and figure out what the person had been talking about.

I was really starting to worry that this would never end. That I was in hell, being punished for my many misdeeds. For putting Charlie through everything; for leading Jules on. It all just hurt.

The only comfort I've gotten is the sound of her voice.

I'm sorry… I'm so sorry Beau. It was just a memory, from the first time I'd been bitten. She was crying, sobbing in my head, begging for this to stop, for my pain to end.

It was a mercy to hear her, my angel, with me. It almost made this worth it. She's been talking to me non-stop, it felt like she was actually with me, because it was the only thing I could actually comprehend. I could almost imagine the feel of her hands wrapped around me; my head in her lap as she had so many times before.

Those little moments didn't last long. Though they kept me sane through this, they only were with me for seconds at a time. Only in the moments when I could stop screaming long enough to beg some more.

Not to say that I could really hear myself; I did hear myself screaming, but it sounded like listening to someone through a wall, making it all muffled and annoying to listen to. The begging was just the same, all muffled - so I could only really guess at what the muffled words I was saying were. Begging sounded right. I wouldn't mind death. The peace that it would come with.

Maybe my angel would be there to greet me, or some sort of… ghost of her? I'm not sure. I just know it wouldn't be a paradise without her in some form.

We'd talk, and dance, and sleep, and just… live. Happily. It was another good thought.

But I don't think I'll be dying anytime soon, no matter how close it seems right now. The venom was coursing through my veins, and I could feel the changes; though just barely of course.

One change was eating at me though; one that scared me more than anything else. The fear that I'd become a monster.

My angel always told me how difficult it was for herself, the thirst, the want to kill. The stories she had of her family. I could remember all of them… vaguely, the ones that my angel let me know anyway.

I guess I had a feeling of what it was like for Carine. I remember her story a bit, waiting out her transformation, of resisting. Of making her choice. I'm not sure I could do the same thing.

The thought made me ache - I didn't wanna leave Charlie if I didn't have too. Letting him think I died, and that it was his fault. Because he would - I knew. He'd blame himself for not sending me back to Jacksonville. He's probably looking for me right now, if my guess on the sun was right, it's been days.

But I can't just show up. My eyes would probably be like Lauren's. I would look different. Like one of them. It's hard to believe, but I guess I'd become "handsome." And pale white, with red eyes.

Point is, I'd be different, otherworldly - basically someone new. He'd be able to figure it out within seconds.

Lie, my angel whispered to me. You've been lost in the woods for days… of course you'd look different - malnourished maybe, she said, her voice full of agony, but also hope. Like she could give me something back, to make up for one of her many imaginary mistakes against me.

It wouldn't work. I would be in peak physical condition, as she would put it, which would be concerning enough, but that's also not forgetting the fact that my eyes would be glowing red. Probably the scariest part of what my appearance would be.

Contacts! She said fast, her phantom fingers running along my jaw as my body writhed. I wanted to believe - I wanted to agree with her, but even if I could somehow make myself look normal, I'd still want to kill him. Kill them all.

I resisted you, didn't I? And Carine did it, she was alone, just as you are now, why can't you do it? She asked with a whimper. I'm not as strong as them though, I've never been. It wouldn't work.

Just wait… hunt first, then see… try… for me. She said, the ghost of her kiss pushing against my cold brow.

I guess maybe… maybe I could see it happening. Maybe I could fill myself up with enough animal blood, that a human would just make me queasy thinking about eating more.

I groan, suddenly feeling a spasm of fire and self disgust. This was wrong, this line of thought is just wrong. I could hurt him. I'm going to be a newborn. I think that's what they're called. The worst time a vampire should be around humans.

It's a stupid, reckless idea. To even consider this would be the epitome of selfish… but I know eventually this burning - it's not gonna hurt as bad as losing my dad ,as losing my friends; to be even more alone than I was before.

I might not even be me after this. I might just become a new person, some weird reflection of who I was, someone who feeds on humans, selfishly killing them. I could be a monster. It would have made me sick thinking about it, but my body is preoccupied with a different sensation right now.

I breathe harder, letting it come out in short gasps as sweat pours down my neck. My mouth felt dry, and on fire of course. I wish Lauren had just finished me before she ran off. It would have made this all so much easier. Just taking the choice right of my hands on what I should do now, no guilt, no pain. Just rest.

No need to worry about the future. Charlie would be sad, so would Jules maybe, if she ever wanted to be friends again. It's nice that she at least had her friends back… she didn't need me.

And Charlies got Holly and Bonnie, they'd help him through it all. None of them needed me.

My angel didn't need me.

I quickly shook my head, screaming at the pain as I moved my body so viscously. I need to stop thinking about that. Just breath, just let it go.

I decided that. I need to distract myself with something else, just until this fire stops. If it ever does, it feels like it'll never stop. I sit back as comfortably as I can, which is barely anything, and I shut my eyes tight.

I lay there in the dark, for who knows how long. It could have been hours, days, years. It could have been seconds - but I eventually felt something… different. I could feel every nerve ending in my body, so I hyper focused on any little change immediately.

It started with my toes. I couldn't feel them. It seemed like the fire had finally won, that it had started burning off pieces of me. I thought I was dying. Maybe this vampire thing doesn't work on everyone, maybe it only works on some people. Letting anyone else die in the most horrible way possible.

At least that meant this was almost over, if it was killing me. It may be a horrible way to die, but at least it'd be over, and I could be with my angel soon. Not the real her of course, but in heaven maybe I could have some real piece of her with me.

And then I realized that my toes were still there, they just were not burning anymore. In fact, it felt like the fire was pulling out of the soles of my feet, too. I was glad I'd made sense of what was happening, because my fingertips were next. No need for more panic, maybe a reason for hope. The fire was leaving.

Only it seemed to be doing more than leaving - it was moving. I think. The fire that seemed to be drawing into me was blazing hotter. Like it was all stoking the blaze to torture me worse. I couldn't believe that this curse could get even hotter.

My heart - already so loud - started beating faster. The core of the fire seemed to be centered there. It was sucking the flames from my hands and my legs, leaving them, mercifully, pain-free, but all attacking my heart instead, teaming up to make it the worst it could be.

It was then that I realized I could hear everything. Feel everything. Smell. All my senses seemed to be alight. I could hear the forest outside of my truck, the sleeping breath of birds, the slithering of some kind of snake. The pouring rain pounding on the roof made it a little hard though.

But I could smell it, the petrichor, the rain hitting the dirt. I could smell the animals, the flavor of the air. It was everything. I was curious enough to want to open my eyes and see what that would be like, but the pain kept them shut tight. So much pain.

I really hope this means this is gonna be over soon. The fire ripped through my heart, dragging the flames up from my elbows, and hips. I thought about my angel. She had to go through this same thing, and she didn't have a clue what was happening to her. She didn't even know Carine yet. She was like me, alone. It made me hurt on a whole new level.

I tried to keep my breathing up, it was hard, but at least it was something to do while I waited this out.

The pain was almost gone from everywhere but my chest. The only leftover was my throat, but it was a different kind of burn now… weird… drier… irritating…

I only had a second to think about it before I screamed again.

"Aah!"

My heart took off like a rocket, beating faster than I've ever felt before, beating so quickly that it sounded like one continuous note, rather than being a rhythm. It felt like it was going to push its way out of my chest. The fire flared up in the center of my body, sucking every lagging bit of pain left inside my veins. It was enough to stun me. My body bowed on the seats, like my heart was dragging me with it as it tried to escape.

It was like a war inside my body - my racing heart blitzing against the raging fire. Yet it felt like I was the only one losing.

I'm sorry… I love you… I'm so sorry. My angel's voice broke through my pain, almost sounding like an echo at this point. I held onto it tight, needing her.

The fire constricted tighter, concentrating into one fist-sized ball of pain with a final, unbearable surge. The surge was answered by a deep, hollow-sounding thud. My heart stuttered twice, then thudded quietly again… just one more time.

There was nothing. No fire. No burning.

I laid there, just processing the lack of pain. The dull, dry afterburn in my throat was easy to ignore, because every other part of me felt amazing. The release was an incredible high.

I love you, I heard my angel say. That was even better.

Slowly - very slowly - I opened my eyes. For a second… I thought… I remember that she isn't actually here. I touch my jaw, still feeling the ghostly touch. My jaw clenches. That's a pain that would never leave.

The roof of my truck was the first thing I could see, now that I'm focusing a little more on where I am. The rusted white looked… weird. I could see the little cracks in it, the color being more vivid than I'd ever seen it before. It made me curious again. Slowly, I sat up, needing to see what everything else looked like.

My eyes widened though as I effortlessly moved. I hadn't even felt the transition of sitting up. I just thought about what I wanted, and my body did it. I felt light - free. With a grin, I looked outside.

I felt my breath catch, the world outside the windows was incredible. The forest… I've never seen it… I felt a little breathless as I watched the rain dance in the trees, the wind howl and push and pull at everything.

I can't help letting out a laugh, my lips parting as someone else's voice comes out. I have a hand on my throat in a second, looking down at myself.

I pause for a second.

"Hello." I breathed, my body going still. Very still. Did I really sound like that?

"Hello," I said again, shaking as I listened to my voice. It was the same, but… more. It sounds like honey. It was inviting, and strangely warm. I couldn't imagine it being the same kinda awkward mumbling I used to have as a… human.

Slowly, I raise my hands, looking down at them with a creeping sense of dread. I wasn't human anymore. I was like my angel. I take a breath, not realizing I hadn't been breathing this whole time. Just letting air in and out when I'd spoken.

I shake my head, putting my head in my hands as I try and think. This was real. I wasn't human. I just… I had to get that through my head. I wasn't among the living - and I was completely alone in figuring this out.

"Well… it could be worse I guess," I say, not really believing it. The words and the sound of myself. I leaned back against the seats, and looked around again. Suddenly, actually taking in my surroundings properly.

My truck - my beautiful, loyal truck, was destroyed. The seats were ripped to shreds, the dash was cracked and shattered all over the place, and the steering wheel was deformed and warped, looking like it was folded in half over and over. Indents were all over everything!

"Darn it," I mutter, rubbing my brow. How was I going to fix this? I had completely wrecked it. My new strength… it must have been out of control while I was turning, and my poor truck was a helpless victim. I gently put my hand on the dash, patting it like it was a horse, like a loyal pet I'd let down, making sure to be as gentle as possible.

"Don't worry pal, I'll… we'll get you fixed up," I whisper, nodding my head. I lick my lips, looking at the wheel. If I want to get this thing going, that'll have to be a priority. But right now… I needed to stretch my legs. I feel light, and free, but just a bit confined.

My body moves on its own again as I slide along the seat and grab the door handle, thanking whoever would listen that the doors were fine. I tug on it, just as usual, and the silver handle rips off the door.

All I could do was look at it in my hand, and then back to the hole where it was supposed to be. So much for the doors being fine.

I awkwardly put it down, and slid the other one, going to the passenger door. I only have one shot at this. If I rip this one off too, I'll have to knock the door off, or break a window, or something to get out.

As slowly, and as gently as I can, I grab the handle, using just my thumb and my index finger. I breathe a little sigh of relief as it stays intact.

"You got this," I mutter to myself. I ease the handle back, and push the door. It slowly creaks open. As soon as it's good, I let it go, a grin on my face.

The rain keeps pouring down, drenching everything, and I grimace a little. I still don't like the wet, or the cold. Though I guess one of those things won't bother me anymore. Slowly, I slide out, my jeans instantly getting soaked - which I do notice is ripped up quite a bit. My legs dangle out, my feet easing gently onto the grass. A second later, I stood up, my upper half getting just as wet as my lower.

I don't really care though. I can feel it hitting me way worse than it ever did as a human. My clothes stick to me, which I still hate - but it doesn't matter. The world is so… big.

I looked around, at everything, the forest, the trees, the plants, the clouds… the stars. I gaped as I looked up, gazing at the majesty of my world. I could see more stars than ever before, lighting everything up - looking like a cascading painting of light.

"This is so weird," I say with a light headed laugh - not that I have one, but it's the closest way I can think of how this feels. I was still weirded out by my voice as well, but I'm slowly getting used to it. The more I talk, the easier it'll be to get used to. I hope when I see Charlie and Jules again, they won't freak out too bad about how I sound.

I pause. How I sound? How about how I look? I quickly turned, taking two quick steps to the truck, and almost slamming into it with how fast I went - barely able to catch myself with a little cry of shock.

But I don't waste a second, I look into the side mirror, trying to get a glimpse at myself. Unabashedly, I stare.

I don't know what to think. Last time I'd seen my reflection, I looked like a walking corpse. Never really putting much stock in my appearance. I only ever took care of myself just enough so that Charlie would stop worrying about me. Now though - I look like…

I don't know. I look different. My features were sharper, my skin of course was paler, my hair a little more full. I looked better. Except for one thing.

My shoulders tense as I look into my red eyes. They were… disturbing.

More than that, I looked terrifying - though I guess that's kinda the point. If my human self had bumped into the me of now, in a dark alley, he'd have run. I'm sure anyone would.

I stopped breathing again, looking at my lack of humanity - as my angel always put it - and I felt the stress, the worry of it hurting anyone… but I have to say. This feels right in a way, as if this was what I was meant to be.

As right as it can feel without her next to me at the very least. This feels amazing, but it's not the reason I'd wanted to change for all of last year.

I wanted to change for her.

Not that she wanted me too… not that she would have found me… interesting.

I quickly back away from my reflection, swallowing hard. The crippling hole in my heart, even as it doesn't beat, still feels the stabbing pain.

At least one thing hadn't changed.

I took another step back, expecting myself to stagger, like I know I would have, but I didn't. My feet guided me perfectly. I took a long, deep breath, inhaling as deep as I could. That was a mistake.

I didn't notice it until then, but my throat. It was dry, and burning. I don't think I've ever been this thirsty in my life. Or unlife now I guess. I roll my eyes at my own stupid joke, but I focus on the feeling of my dry throat. I think this is what they meant when they needed to hunt, to drink.

It's… it's not that bad. Was it meant to be worse? Was I just not thirsty? Are newborns not really thirsty at the beginning? Do I need to be in front of someone to want to hunt?

Lots of questions - lots of things I didn't know the answer to. I let out a frustrated sigh, rolling my shoulders as I started pacing, purposefully going as slow as possible - I know that I'd be in a different country if I went all out. I just needed to move a little.

"Well… I guess I know a few things," I mutter to myself. "Ok, what now?" I ask myself, running a hand through my hair.

I had a few options. I could just run away, that's probably the smartest thing to do. Just go hide out in the woods until the end of time. That way no one gets hurt. Not my favorite option - it would mean leaving Charlie and Jules behind, and as much as I know I should - it's just not an option.

Second option is that I go and find some vampires to help me out. Yeah, not the best idea either. I don't know many vampires who have this kinda lifestyle. Of the groups I know of, one doesn't want anything to do with me, and the other I barely knew. The Denali clan probably wouldn't wanna help out, probably because the… because they were told to avoid me. Probably.

My angel is thorough if nothing else.

If they hadn't been warned off, then they still wouldn't want to deal with some stranger. They all had their own lives, and I don't think I could handle it if they told me to scram.

One vampire coven telling me that they didn't want anything to do with me… it was enough the first time.

The other option, just don't kill anyone. Go back to Forks, and continue life hoping that nobody gets a paper cut while I'm around.

"Sounds easy." I said with a scoff, huffing at myself. I can still feel the burning in my throat, and it was really bad - maybe getting worse, but it wasn't horrible yet. I knew that I needed to feed, but I realize that I don't need to. Not if I didn't want too.

But just because I didn't need to right that moment doesn't mean I'd be able to stop myself back in town.

Try… for me, my angel said, making me close my eyes as I savor the sound of her voice. I can't say no to her.

"Ok… ok… but if anything goes wrong…" I trail off, shivering at the thought. I look around, the rain still pouring hard, making the forest move.

"I need to hunt first… how do I hunt?" I ask myself, looking down at my hands. How did they do this?

We have weapons… her voice whispers, reminding me painfully of one of our conversations. We have weapons. I flexed my hands, licked my teeth, and smelled the air.

"I can do this… I have too," I breathed, nodding my head, "I'm going to do this." I say firmly, bouncing on the balls of my feet as I shake my hands. Trying to get the nerves out.

I let my lips quirk up a bit into a smile. A nervous vampire. Of course that's me. I take another deep breath, and then stop, standing there. I'm not confident at all in this plan, but it's the only one I've got.

"Ok… hunting - first thing to do," I whisper to myself, nodding my head along to my words. "Then I'm going to have to buy some contacts," I mutter rubbing my face, nervous at the prospect of going into a store, and talking with people. I shake my head, another problem for the future. We'll have to cross that bridge when we get there.

"The rest is… I can explain away," I said looking down at myself. Maybe I should get some new clothes as well. My jeans were pretty torn up, and my shirt wasn't much better. A hoodie would be best I think, knowing in the future, that might come in handy.

I suddenly realized, I don't even know what day it is. I quickly pat my pockets, my phone is still there, but I can feel that it's in pieces already. I sigh, reaching into it, and pulling out a shattered phone, broken in half, wires barely holding it together.

"Great," I whisper, chucking it over my shoulder. Flinching as it hits a tree, knocking it over with a little boom. With a grimace, I looked over my shoulder, the tree was lifted out of its roots, and on its side a good five yards away from where it had been. I did that without an ounce of effort, and a broken phone. I needed to practice.

How did my angel do this? I think disbelievingly. The amount of restraint she had… that they all had in their day to day life. Going to work, and school, and not breaking a single thing. It was astonishing.

It will get easier, she whispered to me. I could only pray that it does. I close my eyes for a second, letting her reassurance in - even if I know it's not real, or true - I let it fill me.

"Let's go hunting," I mutter, stalking to the woods.