Guest: Thank you so much! I prefer Life and Death way more than the original version of Twilight, so it was a no brainer.

vicky868: Me too, I never liked how Bella was so helpless all the time originally, and I felt like with Beau, he should have a little more agency you know? I thought with this whole concept I came up with, that while Beau is going to be a whole lot more broken, he's also going to be a whole lot stronger.

Guest: Oh totally, they would have found him in a heart beat. I couldn't quite figure out how posting worked on Fanfic when I posted the first two chapters (If you didnt know, you have to like upload a document onto the site, and then add it onto your story, and then you can post it. It's kinda a process). But, I'm cross posting this on ao3, and on there, in the first chapter, I have a whole explanation on why the wolves didn't find him. Thank you very much for giving my story a chance though, I hope I don't disappoint.

Guest: Thank you so much! I hope you'll continue enjoying it!

(FYI, it is really annoying that I can't respond to reviews directly, ugh, but please do leave them. You have no idea how encouraging it is! So thank you!)

That could have gone better, I thought to myself as I stood over the dead doe. Somehow I managed to not rip it to shreds, which was a relief, I thought my strength would've ruined it, but my instincts - they made me move with ease.

It felt weirdly normal. I don't know, it felt like… like it was natural.

Though the nagging thought of my angel not being here, guiding me - it hurt. Every time I'd imagined me turning, I thought it'd be her doing it… and I thought she'd be the one to teach me how to do all of this. I've been trying hard to not think about it.

Luckily, it was actually a pretty simple process, the issue was the mess after I… after I drank for the first time. It was easy. Surprisingly so - I thought there would have been some kind of frenzy - like how she'd described it. The thirst of the hunt, the instinct that took over and turned me into a predator.

I wouldn't be surprised if it was because of all the stories she told me. How they all hunted, what it felt like, what they did. It was hard to remember what she said given that I was actively trying to not think about any of them. Saying their names alone hurt… saying her name.

Calling her an angel seemed to be as good as any kind of work around though. When I thought of her like that - it was easier, and it was an appropriate name, in so many ways.

I had let my nose guide me, using the scent of the animals to track them, which was a little disorienting. But when I left the clearing, and got out of the rain a little bit, I was able to pick up a few trails. One of which was a herd of deer. I didn't have a clue what they were at first, it was just the easiest of the smells to follow.

I'd managed to sneak up on them somehow. My steps were quiet, more than they'd ever been when I was a human.

If I'd tried this then, I'd have tripped over my feet before even getting out into the woods. I probably would have ended up getting run off by a buck or something.

In any case, I found them, and I just waited, letting my instincts guide me on how to get close. It was easy to give in. Letting my body move, to rush with unnatural speed and knock the poor thing out.

I didn't want it to feel pain, so I thought it would be merciful to take my fill while it was unconscious.

The others had scattered as I leaned down, my teeth sinking into its neck. It didn't taste bad… but it didn't feel satisfying. I don't even know how I could tell, but I was able to - like my instincts were telling me that there was better prey out there.

It was an unsettling thought, because I knew exactly what I wanted instead. What I crave. It made me feel dangerous, but it also gave me a little more understanding. My angel… telling me she was a demon, a monster. I gripped my prey tighter - I had to be better than that. I couldn't let my instincts rule me.

I could still feel the blood running down my throat, and the desperate grasp I had on it tightened even more, I could feel its bones crack beneath my grip - making me glad that I'd killed it first, as I made sure to drain it of everything. The entire time, in that haze, I didn't notice that its blood was coating my shirt. I was drenched in it.

I looked down at myself, my white shirt becoming officially beyond saving. I'd need to get a new one when I got my contacts, otherwise people were gonna get scared when they saw me. They were gonna get scared when I did go get them. It was unavoidable.

I needed to get better at this whole hunting thing, it's just not gonna work out if I have to throw out a shirt every time. Though I do look like an actual vampire now - I look like one of those old horror movie monsters. Tattered clothes, and blood, with a gleam of evil in his eyes. I let out a bitter laugh, wiping some of the blood of my chin

I sighed, knowing that nothing I do - bar jumping into a stream - is gonna help me get this all off. When I go into town, the cops are definitely gonna get called, and that was a whole mess I didn't need to deal with. With my luck, Charlie would be the one to show up, and as much as I want to see him, right now is not the best time. Maybe I could say I was at a costume party or something if anyone asked.

At least the burning in my throat was easing up. It wasn't gone completely, but it was getting there - one more dear would sate me. I think, I mean this is my first time, so for all I know, this could just be the constant state vampires are in. I don't know how any of them were able to do this; the constant ache in your throat. I can't imagine this being an all the time kind of thing.

I inhale, smelling the air as I close my eyes, focusing on the scent of the deer that escaped me. They were grazing a couple of miles north. They probably thought they were safe.

I could see them as if they were right next to me, like I could just reach out and grab one. They were the farthest thing from safe.

I started running again, letting the world slow down around me as I pushed myself faster… It was exhilarating. The rush of going this fast, faster than a car - I've never felt anything like it.

I was getting closer, they were all alert, standing still as they heard a predator coming for them. This time, I'm not gonna use stealth. I was fast enough that I could catch one, probably before it could even react.

I go faster, a little grin splitting my face - it's been a while since I could truly enjoy something. I watched as a few of the smarter ones turned and bolted, but one; the closest one, a buck, was still frozen. It raised a hoof, and pushed its body forward just a hair. That's when I had my hands on its neck, ending it before it could move any further. The next second, I had my teeth sunk into it, and I was drinking.

I didn't stop for anything, my body tumbling to the ground with it. I easily slid onto my knees with it below me, perfectly getting into position. I kept going, like the last one, draining it for absolutely everything it had. I had to be sure that I could walk among humans without hurting them. I had to be sure I wasn't going to be a monster to them.

Eventually, I dropped its body, letting it hit the forest floor with a thud as I gasped for air. Not that I needed too. Slowly, I got back to my feet, looking inside myself.

It took me less than a second to realize that the ache in my throat was just gone, completely wiped out after the second buck. I rubbed my throat, standing still as I really made sure. I think… I think I'm ok. Still, the thought of going back into society was a scary thought. What if I broke? What if I couldn't handle it? Should I keep hunting? What if it comes back when I get into town?

I started walking back to my truck, thinking hard. I still had time to change my mind. I could just run, leave everything behind, and hide out someplace. I wouldn't hurt anyone.

That would mean Charlie was alone though, with no one to help him. He can't cook for himself, he can barely clean, but worst of all - and this was something I'd come to realize in the past couple of hours… with my scent all over the house, anyone wanting to hurt me would be led straight to him. Meaning Victor and Lauren. Coming for me, but only finding him in the house.

It made me feel even emptier. The thought of him… I don't think I'd survive it. Knowing I was the cause of him… being gone. I grunt, shaking my head as I let that image go.

Lauren was still out there somewhere. It was doubtful that the wolves had gotten her, she was a vampire like me, and she could probably run faster than I could. They may have been mutants, but there was just no way I could picture it.

That meant that she could come back, probably after telling Victor where I was. Though she might not even realize what she'd done.

Does she know what she did to me? Will she still hunt me? She was only doing a favor for Victor, she might just not want to make the effort anymore, but that would stupid to hope she'd just give up - either one of them.

Either way, the simple fact was that I couldn't take that chance. Whether she knows I'm one of her kind now or not, if she decides I still need to die, if Victor still wants me dead - which he most likely does - then that meant eventually, Charlie was going to cross paths with them. Her or Victor, or one of those giant wolves. It's not something I'm gonna risk - I'm his only line of defense. Him and Jules both.

It doesn't take long to get back to my truck at my new speed. The grace I walked with is probably the hardest thing to believe. The speed, the strength, the eyes, yeah all shocking, but with my coordination - not tripping on every stray root was a miracle. It was a tiny distraction from the constant worry that's been hitting me.

I walk up to the truck with a frown. I stop and just look at it for a second, thinking again.

Jules might be ignoring me… or sick, or whatever, but she was still my friend - my best friend. Those wolves are out there… and my scent was all over her garage too. She's in just as much danger, maybe not at much of a risk as Charlie, but it was still too high of a chance for me to leave it.

I don't care if it's vampires, mutant wolves, or Samantha Uley. I'm going to keep her safe. I'll keep them all safe.

I nod my head, resolute. They needed help, and as much as I wish it didn't have to be me - like this. There was no one else, because thinking of either one of them being gone. It hurt too much.

"Great," I sigh. My family and friends are all in danger, because I pissed off one too many vampires, and now that I am one, I have to pretend I'm not the biggest threat they'll ever encounter to keep them safe. I have to put their lives in danger, to make sure they stay safe.

I shake my head, and open the door, wanting to just slam it like I was used to, but forcing myself to be extremely careful, just like last time. I got in a little practice while I was hunting, just knocking a few trees over, testing my strength. I feel a little more confident after having got a feel for it. It'll be a while before I try and touch anyone though - just in case. Lucky me that Jules and Charlie aren't big on hugs.

I look around at the inside of my truck and sigh again, my lips pursed as I take in the damage. It was a mess. Charlie was definitely going to ask questions. On top of a hundred others - all of which I have yet to think up an answer.

I'll figure it out when I get into town. It'll be a good distraction while I shop and try to not eat people. I clench my hands for a second, hoping that the burning in my throat wouldn't be any worse than it was when I woke up.

If it was… then I'll just have to deal. My family needed me.

I hop in, gently shutting the door behind me. I looked down at the wheel, and it probably got the worst end of the deal here. It was still mangled, and folded like a messed up pretzel, with a few bits of it torn off, but luckily, my strength hadn't gone and messed up anything internal. Not that I could see at least. It all looked cosmetic, besides the dash.

Which isn't too big an issue, considering I'd ripped the radio out of it a while ago. I let my eyes go blank - still hurts to think about that. I shake my head, looking beneath the wheel.

The pedals were fine, and the wheel seemed functional enough to turn. I just need to… bend it back into shape. Gingerly, I grasp it, and very, very carefully bent it back into the shape it originally was, grunting with effort as I go - not because it was hard on my strength, but because I was trying not to rip the whole thing off. Slowly, eventually, I got it to look somewhat decent.

As long as nothing else was broken, then we should be good to go, because as much as I'd love to sit around and play mechanic, Charlie was probably going insane back home looking for me. Jules too if she's heard about my disappearance.

"Maybe I was only gone for like a day," I said with weak hope. I know my guess was like three or four days I'd been out here… but maybe my luck turned around a bit… maybe I was only gone for a couple hours.

Right, I was just out here, got turned in like an hour or two then spent a little longer hunting, that's like six hours total of me being missing. Barely half the time I went missing last time.

"Yeah, let's pretend that's what happened for a while," I said with narrowed eyes, looking around for the key. On the floor of course. I lean down, grab it, and come back up, pushing it into the ignition and carefully twisting. With a rumble, my truck came back to life, making me smile as I patted the wheel.

"Good job pal," I say feeling a little crazy that I was starting to talk to my truck, but I'll let it slide for now. I could use a friend. With a small smile, I shift gears - praying that it all still works - and press down on the gas.

It gently eased forward, matching the gentle pressure of my foot. I grinned, patting the wheel with excitement - accidentally deforming it a little, but that's alright. It still worked.

Quickly, I got used to driving all over again, and then I turned around, driving fast back the way I came. I obviously couldn't go to Forks immediately, but luckily, Port Angeles wasn't too far. Barely forty minutes from where I'm at.

With the drive there and back, I'll barely be gone any longer than a couple hours. As much as I would love to go slow and delay the inevitable horror of testing my will power against Charlie, and the grounding of a lifetime - which I'm gonna have to break - I don't like the thought that I'm causing him to worry, and freak out.

So, I gunned it, determined to make this trip as fast as possible.

Slowly, I pulled into the parking lot of a mini mart, holding my breath, which I'd been doing the entire drive, and I parked at the very back of the place, as far as I could get from any of the other few scattered cars.

I had been able to smell the blood a little bit before getting into town, about a mile or two I think. And it smelled so… tempting.

I'd made it in record time, barely half an hour at a guess - but I was regretting it hard. The closer I'd gotten to civilization, the more my stress built, the more scared I got. I didn't want to hurt anyone, and that stupid little bit of blood I smelled stuck with me.

"This is stupid, this is stupid, this is stupid," I repeated to myself quietly, my hands gripping the wheel tight, carefully, but tight. I've only been a vampire for a couple of hours, and I was risking this. I was risking everything. I could rip families apart, kill brothers, daughters, fathers, husbands and wives. I could be exactly what my angel thought she was - and I didn't have a single iota of her will power, or her experience.

I could walk into that store, and that frenzy they all talked about could finally hit me, and overwhelm me before I could do a single thing. Would I be able to stop myself?

I sat there for an hour. I know; I wanted to get in and out. Get back to Charlie as quickly as possible, but… I just couldn't force myself to move.

I was terrified, I realized. I was more scared than I was in the field with Lauren, or the studio with Joss. I was scared that I was the monster this time.

Please Beau, you have to keep living… you have to try. My angel whispered to me, her voice making me jump. But I heard her.

Slowly, I eased my grip off of the wheel, and I reached for the door, pushing it open slowly as I stared out the windshield. I was shaking my head the entire time, yelling at myself that I should just drive away - but I reminded myself, Charlie. Jules. They need me.

So, again, slowly, I slid out of my truck, making sure I had my wallet in my pocket, with a couple of twenties in it - the last of my college fund, and I stalked towards the store, purposefully dragging my feet.

It was basically dead out here, not a single other car was in the parking lot, and no one was driving on what should have been a busy road. Even at this time of night, people constantly traveled through here, getting to the interstate. I wasn't complaining, just pointing out the fact that so far, I was the luckiest undead sucker on the planet.

I held my breath again, and stepped past the sliding doors, hearing it bing as it closed behind me. I kept my eyes straight ahead, quickly walking to the back of the store, where the little cosmetic area was. I made sure to keep my speed believable, even if I wanted nothing more than to run and grab my things.

I could feel the eyes of the lone woman sitting behind a register, just taking a glance at me over the book she had in hand. I could hear her heart beat as she watched this blood soaked man, at… 5AM - according to a little clock on the wall - walk through her store, seemingly unbothered by his state of dress. I didn't dare breathe - I didn't even risk looking at her anymore, I kept my eyes on the ground firmly.

I picked up the pace, walking down the aisle until I hit the shelf I needed. It was full of makeup, and hair stuff - with the contacts on the bottom of the shelf. There weren't many options, brown, blue, and hazel. I grabbed the blue, looking at it - it was the wrong shade, it was a little bit too dark. Maybe that was a good thing though - maybe it would hide the unnerving red a little better. It's not like I had much of a choice.

I could feel that lady looking at me from her seat, her eyes burning into me as I checked the price, like I was the most interesting person on the planet. Hopefully that's because she's working a night shift, and hadn't seen a human for the past couple of hours, and not because I was covered in blood.

I turned and headed farther into the store, shaking my head, and holding the box to my side as I looked around for clothes. I really hoped this place had something, anything really.

My luck seems to be holding out, because I see a little stand at the back, selling shirts. I bound over, quickly grabbing the first one. It was blue, with a little character of some restaurant, and the words "Pa's joint," written on it. It'll have to do - I quickly check to make sure the size is right and then I turn to the registers, ready to get out of here.

I slow down a little, my nerves creeping up on me again.

I stop, standing in an aisle, pretending to look at different ice cream flavors as I think about what I should do. I could still run, just put these down and head to the forest!

"Shut up… you know you can't," I remind myself sternly, quietly, making sure to only breathe out, and not in. I grunt, and with effort, I start walking again.

Just stay calm Beau… don't breathe. My angel's voice whispered, calming me. My lips quirked up a bit. Was that how this worked now? Instead of her voice showing up when I'm in danger… It's when I'm endangering others. I don't want to think about the implications of what that could do to me.

Don't breathe, she reminded me one more time as I walked up to the woman. I keep my eyes down, and gently place my items on the counter.

"Hello, thank you for shopping with Mini Mart, did you find…" I heard the woman say dully, fading off. I could only assume that she's finally looked up from her book to take a look at me.

"Are… Are you ok?" she asked with a stutter, her chair squeaking as she pushed it back, standing up. I quickly nod my head, grunting as I give her a thumbs up. Which makes me feel like the biggest idiot.

"Um… you're covered in blood," She mumbles nervously. I can see through the bit of my hair, hiding my eyes that she's gesturing to my shirt, like it wasn't already dead obvious.

"Yeah, costume party," I say in one quick breath, again, not letting myself breathe in. If I was still human, I'd be a quivering mess.

"Right," she says slowly, clearly not believing it - but she grabbed my things and rang them up with two quick beeps. "That'll be 32.40," she says, looking at me expectantly - with a touch of concern still. As she bags my things, I reach into my pocket, grabbing my wallet with deliberate care, and pulling out two twenties, which I lay on the counter, not really sure I could hand it to her without breaking her hand.

"Thank you," She mumbles, taking the cash and putting it in the register. Just as I'm reaching for the bag, I hear her let out a sharp gasp. I quickly let my head tilt farther down, worried that she saw my eyes.

That worry gets quickly replaced with another. I can… I can smell blood, even as I hold my breath, it wafts through the air, hitting me. My whole body goes still, very, very still.

The burning in my throat feels like it's on fire now.

My mind was playing scenes of what it would be like to reach over and grab the poor woman. To sink my teeth into her neck as she screamed. To drink the blood.

And I wanted it. Really, really badly.

"Paper cut," She says with a groan, leaning down to grab something, probably a band aid or whatever. I chanced to look up. She looks like she's barely in her twenties. She has the tiniest cut on her finger - in just the same way I had on my birthday…

The thought made me flinch hard, I quickly put my hand up, laying it on my chest as I quickly let the memory go.

Leave Beau… please, go, my angel begs. I can feel her phantom hands on my shoulders, trying to tug me back, but I can't help it, my thoughts race, full of want. My throat tightens, and I close my eyes. I take a single, little breath in.

It smells… divine…

But it wasn't irresistible.

I almost let a smile grace my lips, I thought that… I thought this would have been harder - the way everyone had explained it, this was meant to be the most difficult obstacle a vampire could overcome. Especially a newborn, but I was fine!

I took another breath, stupidly reckless as it was, but I had to be sure. It was amazing, I definitely wanted a taste, but it wasn't some sort of overpowering temptation. I had to fight hard from fist bumping the air.

"Here's your change," The lady mumbled, breaking through my racing thoughts. I shake my head fast, finally letting myself smile as I grab my bag.

"Keep it," I say before rushing away, almost running. It takes a minute, forcing myself to walk, but I get to the truck, opening the door and hopping back in. Quickly, I pull my shirt off and get the new one on. The jeans, I'd have to change out when I got home.

As I opened the contacts box, I couldn't think of anything other than the fact that I wasn't a monster. I was still me. I was still Beau.

I grab the contacts, quickly scanning the instructions, having never done this before, and getting those on in a heartbeat. They kinda… they didn't hurt - but they were super uncomfortable. It made me want to rub my eyes, but I didn't let myself.

Almost laughing with hysteria, I looked up into the rearview mirror. My eyes were clearly different, a weird shade of blue that didn't really suit me, but they'll do. Hopefully enough for human eyes to think so. For Jules and Charlie to recognize at least, no one else paid enough attention to say otherwise.

I nodded my head as I looked at myself. My ghostly pale, thin looking self. I looked like a different person… but this was gonna work. I turned the ignition, grabbed the wheel, and with ease, pulled out of the lot - heading home.

Within seconds, I was back on the road, and speeding way too fast, but I didn't care. My stupid grin was stuck to my face as I rolled the windows down.

I let the smell of humans hit me, feeling like a maniac as I took in their delicious scent, but I didn't feel any sort of need to actually go and hunt them.

"Yes." I whispered to myself, hitting the wheel happily, making the pour thing deform again, "Yes!" I cried with a cheer.

I don't know how or why, but blood… It didn't make me… I wasn't a monster.