It was a long ride home from Hays for Matt, the most of which was spent lost in his own thoughts. Any killing, legal or not, was particularly distasteful to him but the burden which had weighed so heavily on him was finally over, and he couldn't wait to get home and find comfort in Kitty's warm embrace.
It was late at night when Matt finally made it back to Dodge and his first stop was the Long Branch. He wearily dismounted Buck and walked over to the batwing doors. Peering inside, he could tell that their usual table was empty and there was no sign of Kitty. He pushed his hat higher on his head before walking inside and over to the bar.
"Evenin' Marshal, can I get you a drink?" Sam asked.
"No thanks, Sam. Just looking for my wife." Matt said as a smile curled his lips. Truth is, he was getting kinda used to saying that and it made him happy. "Say, is Kitty around?"
"No, I haven't seen her." Sam replied. "She left earlier this afternoon, saying she was going home. To tell you the truth, she hadn't been here much, or anywhere really, since you left town."
"Well, thanks anyway." And he offered Sam a nod before walking back outside, taking Buck's reins, and leading him over to the stable before making the short walk home.
He unlocked the door and opened it before taking off his hat and tapping it against his leg to knock off the dust before entering. He didn't immediately see her but the oil lamp was still lit in the living room which let him know she was home.
"Kitty?" He announced as he entered before shutting the door and hanging his hat up on the hook. "I'm home."
No response.
He removed his gun belt and hung it up beside his hat before continuing to look for her. "Kitty?"
Still, no response.
He peered in the bedroom and saw her lying in bed curled up in a fetal position.
"Kit?" He asked, concerned as he walked over to the bed before noticing that she was asleep. He reached out and touched her arm to shake her gently to awake her.
She sat up as she was jolted awake, tear-stained eyes wide open.
"Easy Kit," he sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed her arm in an attempt to comfort her. "It's me. Are you all right?"
Once she realized that she had cried herself to sleep and that it was in fact Matt that had awoken her so suddenly, she sunk back into the bed and pulled the covers back over her. "I'm fine, just fine."
He noticed that her eyes were red and that she had been crying. "Want to talk about it?"
She shook her head despondently. "No."
Matt sighed and bent over to kiss her forehead. "All right. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I'm going to head over to the office and get some paperwork done and then I'll be back home."
Kitty nodded slowly.
Matt rose to his feet and walked over to the table to blow out the oil lamp but before he could, Kitty spoke up. "Matt?"
"Yes?"
"Is it over?" She glanced over at him.
He nodded and looked down solemnly, himself not really wanting to talk about the hanging itself. "Yes Kit, it's over."
"Good," and with that, Kitty shifted back in bed and closed her eyes as Matt blew out the lamp.
Later in the night, Matt returned home but Kitty was slumbering away. He shed his clothes and climbed into bed careful to not disturb her from what seemed like a peaceful sleep. She hadn't so much as began to stir as he pulled the covers up over him. He had just closed his eyes and began to drift off to sleep when he heard her mutter under her breath, "I'm sorry, Matt."
He opened his eyes and turned towards her. "Sorry for what, honey?"
There was no response, only a soft snore so she must have said it in her sleep.
He just turned back over and pulled the covers back over his shoulders before closing his eyes and trying to get some sleep.
GSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGS
The next morning, Kitty's eyes fluttered open when the sun began to shine through the window. As per usual, Matt's side of the bed was empty and his boots were missing from his side of the bed so he was already gone for the morning. She hadn't heard him come to bed so she wasn't even sure he had come back home. She let out a sigh before peeling herself from bed and beginning her day.
Later that afternoon, Kitty was sat in her office looking over her books and tapping her pencil against her desk to keep her hands busy as her mind idly scanned over and endless array of receipts and ledgers. A firm knock on the door had caused her to come out of her focus. "Yes?"
"It's me." Matt called out.
"Come in."
He walked in and closed the door behind him. "Well there you are," he flashed her a smile. "I've been looking all over for you."
Kitty looked over at him and offered him a small smile in return. "Sorry, I've not been feeling very chatty lately. I've just been in here tallying up receipts and the like. Anything to keep my mind busy."
He let out a sigh before removing his hat and setting it down in a chair by the door. "Kit, you know you can talk to me about anything, right?"
She nodded slowly. "I know."
"Will you at least let me know what's on your mind?" He figured that he knew exactly what was wrong but wanted to give her some space and let her broach the subject.
She shook her head and looked down again. "I'm just not ready to talk about it yet, Matt."
All he could do was let out another sigh. "Fair enough. Will you let me know when you are?"
Kitty flashed him a slightly bigger smile as she nodded in the affirmative. "Of course I will."
He took another step toward her desk. "Kit, I'm just worried about you. You've been shutting yourself in and have barely eaten anything since….." He paused, wanting to chose his words carefully. "Well, since everything went down."
"Matt.." and she pushed her chair away from her desk and stood up, walking over to him. "I'm fine." She looked over at him. "I just need some time before I'm ready to talk about it, that's all."
Matt pulled her into an embrace and rested his chin gently on her head, savoring the closeness between the two. "I love you, Kit. I want, no, I need you to know that."
She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly. "I love you too, Cowboy." She withdrew from the embrace slightly and paused for a moment as she considered her next move. She decided to put one of the questions in her mind to the test. She put a hand daintily on his chest and let out a low growl. "Matt…"
Matt furled an eyebrow at Kitty's sudden shift in demeanor, not sure what she was up to. He placed a hand on her back and rubbed softly to offer a small measure of comfort. "Yes?"
She moved closer to him once more and inhaled sharply. The certain combination of sweat, leather, and horse was a musk that was uniquely male, uniquely Matt Dillon and always did drive her wild – even when she didn't necessarily want it to. "Mmmm.." she let out another deep rumble as she idly toyed with his badge.
"Kitty.." Matt took a step back, even more puzzled by her actions. One minute she was acting stand-offish, next thing he knew, she wanted to push him up against the wall. "What's gotten into you?"
In yet another shift in her emotions, she looked up at him and narrowed her eyes, taken aback and almost offended by his reaction. She went back to her usual short replies. "Nothing, Matt. I'm fine."
He wasn't sure how to reply to her seemingly bizarre behavior so he just ran his fingers through is hair nervously as he proceeded cautiously. "Kitty, you know I.."
"You what, Matt?"
And before he could even reply, the sudden noise of chairs crashing come from the barroom floor. "Well, they're starting early today," Matt noted.
Kitty took another step forward, deciding to try again. "Just ignore it, Matt. Sam will handle it."
The sound of glasses crashing and more chairs being knocked around caused Matt to sidestep her and grab his hat, placing it on his head. "You know I can't do that, Kitty. They're liable to tear up the place."
Kitty just stood there and placed her hands on her hips. "Fine, go be Mr. Marshal."
"Look Kitty," he turned back one last time. "I'm not sure what you want from me right now. You know I can't let them tear your place up."
She just sighed and stared indignantly ahead at him. "I know, Matt. Go on."
He paused again before heading out the door. "I'll see you later at dinner, Kit." And he tipped his hat to her before walking out and seeing what it is that the drunken men were fighting about now.
GSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGS
Matt, as promised, had arrived right on time for dinner which Kitty had just finished up when he was talking in the door. "You're just in time," she called out to him from the kitchen.
"Great," he said as he hung his hat and gun belt on the hook. "I'm starved." He made his way to the dining table and sat down eagerly awaiting a home cooked meal. She had been thinking on this most of the day and was hoping that would finally give them a chance to talk.
"I made your favorite." She announced as she came fro the kitchen with a bowl of stew that had been simmering all day.
The smell hit him almost immediately. "Thank you, Kit. It smells wonderful and I can't wait." She set the bowl in front of him before going and getting her own bowl and sitting across the table from him. She watched as he eagerly dove into his dinner and she couldn't help but toy around with hers. She looked down and used her fork to mindlessly stir around the stew. Matt was too busy enjoying his meal to notice that once again, she'd barely had but a few bites. He finished his bowl before wiping his mouth and that's when he noticed her playing with her food.
"Kit," he set his napkin down. "I know we're going through a lot right now, but I can't help you unless you tell me what you're thinkin'"
Kitty shook her head as she looked up at him, a single tear falling from her eyes. "Matt, do you love me?"
"Of course I do, Kit. Always."
She set her fork down and focused on him intently. "Do you still want to be married to me?"
Matt's jaw almost hit the ground. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "What kind of question is that, Kitty?"
She stood and looked down as she began to gather up their dinner items, a couple of more tears beginning to fall. "Nothing, forget I asked."
"No, I won't.." and he stood, walking around his chair. "Come here, Kitty."
Kitty set her bowl down and looked up at him, not able to hold back the tears any longer. She walked over to Matt slowly and he pulled her tight against him. She buried her face in his chest and sobbed.
"Kitty," he held her as she cried. He rubbed his hand on her back to soothe her. "How could you ask me a question like that?"
She whimpered between the tears. "Because I lost our baby. You wouldn't have married me if I wasn't pre…" Matt interrupted her.
"My dear sweet Kathleen.." he placed a finger on her chin and lifted her head up so that he was able to gaze directly into her eyes. "I married you because I loved you."
"I know you love me, Matt. But the fact is, if it wasn't for our baby.."
He once again hushed her but this time by placing a finger unto her lips. "Stop. I'd be lying if I said that didn't factor into things. But the fact is, at the end of the day, I did it because I wanted to, not because I had to. I love you, Kathleen Dillon, and that's that." He bent down and placed a kiss softly on her lips.
"Oh Matthew Dillon, what you do to me.." she returned the kiss and then rested her head against his chest as she let out a couple of sniffles. "I love you, too. More than you'll ever know." She still wasn't sure that she completely believed what he was saying but for now, she was content enough.
And he just stood there and held her for what seemed like an hour. He needed to get back to the office but all that mattered right now was making sure that Kitty knew that he indeed chose her.
GSGSGSGSGSGS
It was closer to midnight when Matt finally returned from work, got changed and climbed into bed. This time, Kitty began to stir as she was roused from her sleep.
"Shh," Matt said soothingly. "Go back to sleep." He whispered as he put out the candle beside the bed and slipped beneath the covers.
"What time is it, Matt?"
"Sometime after 11, why?"
Kitty just rolled back over to her side of the bed and stared at the wall. "Goodnight, Matt."
He closed his eyes as he pulled the covers over his shoulders. "Goodnight, Kitty."
She coldly called out to him. "Are you seeing someone else, Matt?"
His eyes flew open as he was stunned by her question. He rolled over to face her but she remained staring at the wall. "Of course not! How could you ask that?"
"You're home late."
"I had to work, Kitty. I've got to do my rounds. You know that."
"Sure, Matt. Sure." Kitty muttered under her breath as she closed her eyes.
Matt gently pulled her closer to him and draped his arm delicately around her in an attempt to snuggle. "Kitty, please.."
She noticed the careful and deliberate placement of his arms. "You don't touch me anymore." She noted with hiss to her voice.
"Kitty, you're still healing. This was no minor thing that you went through. I don't have to state the obvious but I'm a big man. I don't want to hurt you."
Her voice remained ice cold. "You're hurting me now."
"Honey.." he reached over and kissed her shoulder delicately. "You're not being fair here."
She snatched her shoulder away from his reach. "You're not being fair to me either."
"Now look, Kitty," he pulled her back closer. "There's no one else. Please don't keep doing this to me. I'm hurting too, you know."
She shrugged. "You have a funny way of showing it." The barb stung him like no other. He was indeed hurting but he rarely let it show. She knew that he tended to keep his emotions inside of him and he felt like she was being incredibly unfair.
"There's no one else but you, Kit. I love you, and only you," he once again pulled her to him. "And that's that." He nuzzled his face lovingly into her neck.
She just continued to stare into the darkness until she heard began to hear him snoring softly against her. She placed her hand atop of his and let out a sigh. "I want to believe you, Matt."
GSGSGSGSGSGS
The next morning, Matt had taken Kitty out to breakfast and she seemed to be in better spirits. She had eaten most of her breakfast which made him happy. He thought she seemed like she was getting almost too thin and decided that he would go and have a word with Doc about her peculiar behavior lately, just to make sure that there wasn't anything going on that she wasn't telling him.
After bidding Kitty goodbye as she walked off down the street to do some shopping, he made his way in the opposite direction towards Doc's office and climbed the stairs two at a time. Once he reached the top, he gave a couple of knocks on the door and judging by the heaviness of the knocking, Doc immediately knew who it was. "Come in."
Matt walked in and closed the door behind him.
"Good morning Matt." Doc took off his glasses and looked over at the lawman who seemed to have a very sullen look on his face. "What brings you in?"
"Mornin" Matt greeted as he took a seat and looked over at him despondently. "Doc, It's Kitty. I'm worried to death about her. She's not been herself."
"Of course not, Matt," Doc said as he rose to his feet and walked around to sit on the edge of his desk. "What she's been through… well, it's no little thing. It just plain wears a person down."
"I know that Doc," Matt looked over at him, his face crestfallen as he began to think about what they had been through over the past couple of weeks. "Have you seen her lately? She barely eats anymore."
Doc sighed and tugged at his earlobe. "She was just in yesterday for a check up. I'd noticed that myself. I mentioned something to her, and told her she needed to take care of herself. She said that she understood and that she would try to do better."
Matt shook his head and placed it in his hands before letting out an exasperated sigh. "It's not just that, Doc. She's been saying these really crazy things."
"Oh?" Doc swiped at his mustache. "Like what?"
Matt looked over at Doc again and Doc could've sworn he saw the stoic marshal tear up as he began to speak.
"She's been asking me all kinds of crazy questions like, do I still want to be married to her? And just last night as we were going to sleep, she asked me if I was seeing someone else. Doc, she knows sometimes I have to work late. I had just locked up a couple of knuckleheads over at the Lady Gay and I had to wait for Festus to take over for me."
Doc swiped his mustache again. "Are the questions really that crazy?"
Matt narrowed his eyes, not really appreciating what Doc might be implying. His tone alone warned Doc to proceed cautiously. "What are you trying to say?"
"Nothing, Matt," Doc said as he noticed the marshal's now deadly glare. "I'm not saying a thing. The fact is, you wouldn't have asked her to marry you at that time if she weren't going to have a baby. Now, I'm not saying that you don't love her or you wouldn't have married her eventually but at that time, you'd had no plans to do so and so she's probably wondering if that's still what you want."
"It is."
"Well then, prove it to her. It's going to take some time, but she'll come around."
"Doc, the whole reason she thinks that I'm seeing someone else is because I won't touch her. But I've seen the bruises, and I see the tears. Her body…" he paused and sucked in a breath of air. It pained him to think about her in such a condition. "She's still healing, Doc. I don't want to hurt her."
Doc shook his head and rose to his feet and walked over to Matt and stood before him. "Look, Matt. I don't usually get in between what you two have going on. But I'm going to give you my advice both as your physician and as your friend. Medically speaking, the bruising will take some time to go away but she's well on her way to being recovered. She should be fine as long as you take it slow. It'll be a little painful and may even hurt for a moment but so long as your gentle with her, there's no reason you two can't be together. It might even help the situation between you two. Emotionally, that's going to take a lot longer, as you know. But Kitty's a strong woman. She'll come around. I just know it."
"Thanks Doc," Matt stood and gave his friend a hug. "For everything."
Doc returned the hug and smiled. "Don't mention it."
GSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGS
After the eye opening discussion with Doc, Matt had some errands to run. The first order of business was to go by the Long Branch and have a talk with Sam. After they got their plans squared away, he went to the telegraph office to see if he could get in contact with Frank Reardon. It took until the rest of the afternoon, but Barney eventually came to the office with his reply. Afterwards, he headed off to the train depot. The last stop was to circle back to the Long Branch where he saw Kitty sitting at their usual table playing a deck of cards.
"Evenin' Kitty," Matt greeted as he approached the table.
"Evening, Matt," Kitty looked up and smiled.
"Can we talk in your office?" He offered her a hopeful smile.
"Sure," and she rose from her chair and surprised him by taking him by the hand and leading him towards her office. Once inside, she shut and locked the door behind them. "What's on your mind, Matt?" That's when he handed her the tickets.
"What's this?" She asked as she took the tickets from his hand.
"I decided that you and I need to get away so I booked us a little trip."
"A little trip?" Kitty looked up at him, puzzled. "Matt, two weeks in San Francisco isn't exactly a little trip. Besides, I can't be away from the Long Branch for that long. We've got some whiskey drummers coming in and.."
Matt interrupted her. "And I've already spoken with Sam. He said he's going to wire a friend to come help him tend to the bar and that he would oversee things for you."
Kitty sighed longingly, deeply touched by the gesture but still unsure how this would work. "And what about you? How can you be away for that long?"
"I sent a wire out to Frank and he agreed to come to town and help Festus keep an eye on things while we're gone. I've already wired the War Department and informed them that I would be temporarily unavailable."
Kitty looked down at the tickets, still not believing what she was seeing before looking back up at Matt and offering him the million watt smile that he had so desperately missed. "Well, you seemed to have thought everything through so it looks like I have a lot of packing to do."
"Better get started tomorrow. We leave in two days."
"Oh, thank you, Matt," Kitty said as she walked up to him and wrapped her arms around him. "It'll be nice for you and me to get away with no badge and no saloon to worry about. Just you and me for a change."
"I know," Matt wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tighter as he placed a kiss on her forehead. "And I'm looking forward to it."
TBC