Chapter 4

Victoria guided Nick to the garden. Even if the ground was uneven and he hesitated now and then, Victoria got him there. They sat on the bench together, and Nick took a deep breath.

And said, "You're right. It does smell pretty nice out here."

"Doesn't it?" Victoria agreed, and she closed her eyes. "Sometimes I just sit here with my eyes closed for a while and take the scent in. It's very relaxing."

"I can't remember the last time I sat with you here," Nick said.

"You've always been far too busy," Victoria said. "Even when you were able to give some of the responsibility to Heath, you still had trouble just giving it up for a while."

"Doing nothing isn't in my blood," Nick said, "but this is nice, just sitting and talking and enjoying the sun and the flowers." He squeezed Victoria's hand. "I guess maybe I got lucky in a way. I'm forced to – well, stop and smell the roses. I wouldn't be here now if I could see."

"If I know you, if your eyes popped open right now, you'd be up and out of here in two seconds," Victoria said.

"You're probably right," Nick said. He was quiet for a moment, but then suddenly said, "You know – I think I can actually hear bees."

"There are a few around," Victoria said.

"I can't remember the last time I actually stayed still and quiet long enough to hear bees," Nick admitted. "Or to feel sun on my face and not get irritated because I was sweating. Or just spend time with you."

"It's been a very long time," Victoria said, "but I understand who you are, Nick. Sitting still is not your favorite thing to do."

Nick was quiet again for a while. "Birds," he said finally. "I hear birds."

"You can't hear them when you're out working, because you can't hear birds over the sound of cattle lowing," Victoria said.

Nick took a deep breath. "This is nice," he said.

"Yes, it is," Victoria said.

They sat together for a while in silence, just listening and breathing in the air. It was quite some time before Silas appeared at the back door and waved their way.

Victoria said, "Silas needs me. We should go back in." She got up, and started to pull on Nick's arm to get him up too.

"I'd like to stay right here," Nick said and didn't stand. "I'll be all right."

"Are you sure?" Victoria said. "I don't know how long I'll be."

"I'll be fine," Nick repeated. "I won't get up without yelling for help first."

Nick could almost hear her concern.

"I'm just enjoying myself," Nick said. "Really, I am."

"All right," Victoria said with a sigh, "but I'll have Silas keep an eye on you from the house, or Ciego from the corral, or both of them."

Nick chuckled a little. "And I'll yell if I need them."

Victoria kissed his cheek, and Nick relished it. Even that small gesture she'd given him so often before seemed extra nice this morning.

Nick heard her walk away. He took in a deep breath of the fresh air, and listened, and enjoyed the sun on his face. Yes, he admitted to himself it probably was a lot easier to enjoy these things knowing his "blindness" was only going to be temporary, probably over sometime today or tomorrow. Jarrod didn't have the same luxury when he lost his vision. He didn't know if he'd ever see things again.

Nick imagined that for a moment, and went cold. What if he never did see again? What if for some reason his eyes opened but didn't work anymore? It was a terrifying thought, one that he could reason himself out of thinking – but Jarrod hadn't been able to do that. He faced blindness as a certainty for weeks. He fought Joshua Cunningham for his life and won, while still facing the possibility that he never would see again.

Nick grew even colder, but he suddenly heard Jarrod's voice. "Don't worry, Nick, you won't be blind for long."

"Jarrod?" he asked.

But got no answer. Jarrod wasn't really there. He had only imagined he was.

That was a scary thought, that he was imagining voices. Another scary thought was remembering that Jarrod developed trouble knowing whether it was day or night, and got pretty disoriented and grouchy from the lack of sleep. Nick literally shook himself and considered yelling for help to get back inside, among people, where things were real and not part of his imagination.

But then something inside calmed him. It wasn't something he was imagining, and it wasn't something he deliberately called up. It just happened. He was suddenly just calm.

The air felt fresher. The birds sounded comforting. Even the hum of bees was kind of nice.

Nick tried not to think about anything in particular. He just let things be – and what came to him was that he did not spend enough time just letting things be. His mother was right – if his eyes suddenly popped open, he'd be up and off to work in two seconds. But now he didn't want that. He just wanted to stay calm, comforted, enjoying the air and the sounds of the birds and the scents of the roses.

It was nice.

He felt the sun get warmer on this face, and he heard his stomach grumble. He actually heard that. It made him chuckle. He supposed he ought to get back into the house and eat a little something. He wondered if he could get up and make his way there by himself.

He propped an eye open to get a look. It wasn't much of a look but he could see the path to the house was clear if he took a right turn at about 45 degrees and walked carefully. He forgot for a moment that he promised to call for help. He got up. He turned. He took four steps feeling the way with his feet.

And he fell.

He went sprawling on his hands and knees and now he didn't know which way was which, but before he could move to prop his eye open, he heard Jarrod's voice again. He thought it was his imagination until hands reached to help him up.

"Come on, Nick, you can't get very far without help," Jarrod's voice said.

Jarrod helped him up and sat him back down on the garden bench. Nick felt Jarrod sit down beside him. "What are you doing home?" Nick asked.

"I thought I'd get some lunch," Jarrod said. Nick felt Jarrod take his hands and turn them over to look at his palms. "Just dirty. It doesn't look like you scraped them or anything. I saw you up here planning to get back to the house on your own and figured you wouldn't get very far."

"What time is it?"

"Near noon," Jarrod said.

"What? I thought I just came out here – "

"Maybe not," Jarrod said. "Didn't you feel the sun getting hotter?"

"Yeah, but I didn't figure that much time had gone by," Nick said.

"You can't get an eye open yet?"

"Not yet."

"Well, you better let me or somebody else help you get around until you can."

"I'm all right," Nick said. "I hope I can get at least one eye open soon, though. The fresh air and the sun and the sounds are nice, but I don't think I could bear up under this for long. I don't know how you did it."

"I didn't have any choice," Jarrod said. "I learned pretty fast I could have your help doing it but I was still going to have to do it myself. I know it's not easy, Nick, knowing you need help, admitting you have to learn things you thought you knew all about, but you'll be seeing again before long. There's no need for us to push you into the deep end of the water to learn to swim on your own all over again."

"I know that," Nick said, "and I don't mean to act like what I'm going through is anything like what you went through."

"It is like what I went through, at least when it comes to getting around without breaking your neck, because it only takes a second to fall and do that," Jarrod said.

"I got hungry," Nick said. "My stomach grumbled. I wanted to go get something to eat."

"Well, let me get you into the house," Jarrod said, standing up, lifting Nick by his upper arm.

Nick stood. "I think I smell roast beef."

"Could be," Jarrod said.

"I might need help eating it."

"If you do, I'll help you."

"Jarrod – how did you stand it, knowing you might not see again?"

Jarrod was silent for a moment. He finally said, "Not very well, remember? Not until you and Heath got me back to where I was comfortable, in the courtroom. It didn't heal me, but it did make me more confident. But you don't need to worry about that, Nick. Your eyes will be open today or tomorrow. And the doctor will be here this afternoon to confirm that. In the meantime, I'll stay here and help you around so you don't break your neck."

"Thanks, Pappy," Nick said.