Mind Games a My Candy Love fanfiction

by Silenceisgood

Alice felt a twinge of happiness knowing that she finally got to leave that shithole of a town behind. Ken coming with her, and her being able to live with her cousins was just a bonus. She hasn't felt happy in a long time, and maybe, Amoris was the place where she finally got to regain her old love for life. If only all those murders didn't happen right when she was there to see.

2. Alice Franc Nora Wongler

AN/I'm not Alice or Nora, my OCs are not self inserts, they are simply characters I've made who share the same purpose as Candy.

Other than that, have fun I guess?

I don't think I have much to warn you about after the prologue, but uh...

TW: Suicidal Alice, Referenced Child Abuse, Self Harmer Alice, Fucked up Teacher-Student Relationship, Um topics that are too real?

---

She stood in front of me. My reflection I mean. She was pale, with dark eye bags, even darker eyes, a grey so deeply swallowing up all the light it was almost black, barely a flick of light or two reflecting Laeti's bathroom in them.

The girl in front of me was brushing her pale blond hair, hair so long it tickled the backs of her bare thighs as she trapped lock after lock of wet hair to tear a brush through. Her bangs were choppy in a way that resembled an attempt at straight but was clearly done during a 2 AM mental breakdown, so it didn't really succeed.

She was in a tank top, her best friend Laeti's, whose tits were humongous compared to hers, so it seemed baggy over her skinnier form, fabric appearing stretched, just barely hanging over her ass, possibly the only not flat part of her. Besides the enormous top, she was only wearing an old thong she stole from a thrift store her mother forced her to go to. Tragic day that was.

She looked like she hadn't stepped outside all summer, thighs, arms, and any visible flesh cowered in endless scars. Some pale pink, some angry red, some with dried, crusty blood on them.

I liked to think of her as a separate person from me. She was a body I happened to inhabit, the body of a girl unsalvageable, unsavable, fighting everything keeping her alive, to no avail. She was a failure, and I preferred to not think too much about her. But she was me, so I had to pretend to care, even if only a little, that's why I was brushing my hair in Laeti's bathroom, after a slumber party I once again sneaked out to without permission.

Laeti was a wild bitch like me and my cousin Nora, but my parents didn't like her for that very reason, so she was to me what I was to Ken. A friend I was forbidden from spending time with. I mean, like hell I gave a shit, but it was still an annoying thing. My parents acting like they gave a shit about me and the problem wasn't their reputation being possibly dragged through the mud. Two cowards, unwilling to own up to their filth.

Laeti and I finally rekindled after Ken had to leave me behind. I guess she wanted me to stay alive, so she got all up in my business to make sure I felt like I wasn't alone. It was cute and all, but come on. Let a bitch die if she has nothing worth living for anymore, you know?

Her parents just got their divorce finalized and she moved to an old rundown little apartment with her mom, far the fuck away from our neighborhood. It was a perfect place for me to hide since neither my parents nor her dad knew the address. Her dad couldn't rat me out, and my parents could fuck off for a few hours, fucking wonderful.

Her mom cheated on her dad, but girl power, so she decided to choose her momma instead. Her dad tried to sleep with me on my fifteenth birthday however, so technically she had to choose between two evils.

The before-mentioned protective bestie was standing right behind me, unpacking the bright pink hair dye we brought a year ago to coat the ends of my hair so that it wouldn't be so fucking boring anymore. Don't worry dear reader, my parents will definitely kill me for this.

Laeti, bless her dumbass little hoe heart, didn't feel safe leaving me alone in the bathroom, so the door always had to stay open. Not that I was embarrassed to piss in front of her, we used to shit in our diapers while playing on the carpet right next to each other, not to mention all the baths, and we literally got our first periods at each other's houses. We had nothing to be ashamed of in front of one another.

Anyway, I continued blogging and posting on my Tumblr. Deleted my Instagram, so that I was more privately hiding from the rest of the planet. But then Tumblr fucked me over, beginning to restrict self-harm and suicide tags and talks on it until I couldn't talk to my people anymore, so I moved to Twitter with my followers. It was just as shitty of a place.

People like me tend to keep to our crowd. You're not about to catch me trying to convince others to follow my lead, I know I'm a dumbass, and I don't need others repeating my mistakes. Being in my situation isn't exactly fun. I just think people like me deserve to freely discuss our issues with others like us. Feels less lonely, knowing I'm not the only degenerate.

A fun thing I discovered was the DNI written in people's bios for my kind. A little present when I accidentally have a little fun, not SH related, conversation with someone. I had my profile set to private and followed multiple, not self-harm related accounts. Some followed me back, even though of my bio warding off the non-sick-minded people. So I figured, they read my profile for themselves, you know? I accepted the following requests. Bad idea clearly, since people are a lot more sensitive and entitled than they appear. I'm so sorry my pain hurt your perfect bubble of reality. How about instead of suddenly adding DNI in your bio, and passive-aggressively tweeting about my kind like we're a plague, you nicely unfollow and block me babe?

People like that really give me the hives. I get it, you had bad experiences with self-harmers who do it with attention in mind. I didn't seek you out though, my profile was private and you followed me back. Don't play the passive-aggressive game with me, you will lose.

Also, fuck you mean SHtwt DNI? Am I only allowed to be sad? Am I not allowed to follow accounts that make me feel even slightly happy? Sorry that my imperfect mental health bothers you, I guess I'll just keep being sad, and not even try to make myself feel better without the self-harm. God forbid I get involved with anything else. This is my mistake, right? I should just keep to it. To not infect others with this plague, my bad, really.

I might sound like a bitch, but trust me, anyone in my shoes would get tired after years of this.

But don't worry, I learned my lesson. I only go online nowadays to vent and share some pretty photos. My scars and other injuries seem to only get worse lately. My poor followers gave up on trying to help me by now. They agree that I can't be saved, which is as sad as validating. I don't really care anymore though. The world has been pretending that mental health is being more considered and cared about, but that only means for Them to not involve themselves with people who are doing worse than them. To take care of your mental health, pretend people who are worse off than you don't exist.

I get it, it's important to take care of yourself. I just thought it meant everyone and not just people who experience depression once a blue moon, so they whine about how hard life is at the moment, while people who are severely considering bad things should fuck off and keep to themselves so that people who are doing better off don't feel worse about themselves.

God forbid you open your eyes to the world around you, what's wrong? Too weak to handle the idea that cutters exist? Or do you just not care about us? Let me guess, We are the weak ones who can't process emotion properly so we do self-destructive things, and that makes us idiots? We just go with the trend? You have a hard life too, so we have no reason to do it? What the fuck ever people like this have to say isn't even half as bad as my mind, but it does sting, and it feels like I'm never getting out of this place.

Reading all the hate on my Insta after Ken and I separated on that faithful day (I deadass thought his dad would kill me, he looked ready to lunge) while I was locked into the dark stuffy basement as punishment for the entire day, was the best decision I've made my whole life. I felt so woke after these people opened my eyes to how much of a scum I am. Like, thank You for letting me know the difference between horizontal and vertical cuts, you're so kind for telling me that attention seekers like me should cut horizontally cause vertical means suicidal. I feel like such a fool for cutting vertically this whole time, my bad. Fucking idiots.

As I was done brushing my locks of hair that rivaled Rapunzels in length, I quickly tuned back into her ramblings. She had the tendency to ramble, and she knew I spaced out most of the time, so it wasn't considered rude. I knew her enough to know she was complaining about how much of a hoe her mom was, anyway.

'So yeah! I'm done with all the guys she keeps bringing home. Like what the fuck? Who wants to wake up to a random 40-year-old waiting in the kitchen like some "Where's my hug?" guy?' Her annoyance was understandable, I would probably call the cops if I woke up to that. She groaned in defeat, letting go of the waxing spatula she used to stir the hair dye. She started ripping off tinfoil as I put my thoughts back in order.

I stepped closer, putting the hairbrush on the washing machine, where our tools lay. 'You kinda do the same, babes.' I gently reminded her, 'Your dad kept her on a lease, and I hardly believe he was good in bed, so she's trying to get back the years she lost with him. Don't blame her too hard.' I waved her off, as I began to put on one of the pairs of gloves we had. Suddenly I felt lucky that my hair didn't need bleaching.

'Shouldn't have chosen a control-freak-dickhead then!' She snapped as she checked my hair over and began fiddling with the cap of another tube of dye.

'Love is blind they say~' I wondered if I should get a style change too... My parents couldn't force me to wear cute little blouses, long skirts, and modest little dresses forever. The clothes I liked to wear were only allowed when I was home and even then they complained that conservative young women don't wear pants. At that point, I was ready to rob a fucking Hot Topic. I even swore to Laeti's Lord and Savior Kuro that I'd wreck his volleyball heaven if he wouldn't let me wear ripped jeans and lots of black soon.

'Alice, bestie, listen.' I snorted as Laeti dropped everything in her hands on the washing machine (–thankfully the tube was empty by now–), and held up her slightly pink-stained hands.

'We both know –don't deny it– that if your parents weren't such conservative freaks, you'd be bringing home someone to fuck on the daily too!' I felt like she was reprimanding me, but I didn't mind. Her tone simply made me remember, that I'd fucked our math/physics teacher, for my first time, just last month.

I've been flirting with the man the whole way through last semester, knowing that I'd fail otherwise since I astronomically suck with numbers. He deserved a treat for giving me a 12.60 instead of a 0 in these subjects. Sadly he wasn't very good, and I decided I'd only lay him again if he promises to never babble and rave about my virgin pussy again. That was gross.

Every other subject of mine is a 20, so it would have looked really depressing if he wasn't a deranged enough man to fuck his students for better grades. I knew I'd regret it all in a few years, but I also didn't plan to stay alive too long, so I figured it didn't really matter.

I'm not a brain-dead idiot, I didn't want his dick to marry, only to transactionally raise my grades where I'd otherwise fail. I did plan to take math/physics classes from Andre, my cousin during the summer, which would begin in a few months, once the second semester ended. I wouldn't want to date such a pathetic man anyway. I used to think men over forty were too old for emotional connection, but old enough to know how to get a girl off. Clearly, I was wrong. Men are useless either way.

'Well, yeah,' I agreed, 'so I don't get why you can't accept your mother doing the same. '

'She's too old to be acting like a teenager with issues! The least she could do is kick them out when they finish!' I sighed begging her with my eyes to not start this again. She pouted reluctantly.

'Instead, she's a middle-aged woman with issues. Age doesn't matter Laeti, she's got every right to sleep around if she wants to. Kicking them out in the middle of the night would be rude, and men are scary if you're rude to them. They act like animals.' I understood where she was coming from, but she needed to understand that the world worked in more complicated ways. Sometimes it's not that easy.

'I just want to feel safe in my own home!' She mumbled as she began putting on her own gloves.

'Mood~' I snorted to myself while reading the instructions, as she flinched, staring at me with wide guilty eyes.

She knew I didn't mind, but she couldn't help herself. We both had our problems, I wasn't the type to point and say 'I have it worse so you shut up' unless the topic was what I already covered in the beginning. And while I admit, my family situation was worse than hers, just for a different reason, that does not mean hers is to look at lightly. We all process trauma differently, it's not a competition. This is something I never fail to stress on my blog either. My parents might be abusive in quite a few ways, hers are neglectful, and her dad likes girls her age, which is all around enough cause for concern. We also both grew up in this wretched town, filled with the most fake, plastic people ever seen on this planet. Inevitably we were all getting ready to snap. I felt at the time, that that day was nearing. I was excited, I felt like it would be the greatest day of my life when I gained enough confidence to kill myself.

I smiled at Laeti as she waved her hand in front of my eyes with a concerned downturn to her lips.

'Are you here? You keep spacing out and it scares me.'

'Just reminiscing ~' I answered with a content sigh, taking a color brush in my hand.

'Right. There's nothing scary in your head.' She said it like an expression, but I knew she was inquiring me.

'Nope!' I exclaimed cheerfully, 'I don't think of things that scare me.' I grinned as sweetly as my face could manage, plunging the brush into the creamy foul-smelling dye.

'What about things that scare me?' She began with a shaky voice and a slight tremble on her bottom lip.

I sighed unnoticeably, and put on my best facade. 'I'm not thinking about clown porn if that's what's bothering you~' I sang, making her giggle after making a disgusted noise.

'Right!' She nodded, dabbing at her damp eyes with her fingertips, 'You've been doing better.'

That was the lie I'd been feeding her. I realized that my every moment with her could be the last, so I began to make sure she had happy memories of me. Like I did with Ken, just back then unknowingly. The whole time I've been getting worse and nobody noticed. I even wrote all my notes, even making multiple, knowing exactly where I'd hide them so that all the right people would find them.

After squeezing her hand momentarily to give her some comfort, and calm her nerves I raised the plate the dye lay in into the air with a bright smile. (It was all a facade, but a fake town births fake people, and I was the fakest of them all.)

'Now!' I began, 'will you help me fix my dull, boring ass hair, or what?'

---

It was raining.

The small, tiny insignificant sized drops of water hit the ground at neck-breaking speed, but it didn't feel any harder when it hit me, than a soft caress of a kind hand I've only ever experienced with Ken, when I had nightmares at our sleepovers.

I liked the rain, as cliché as it sounds. It was cold and damp, the air felt fresh, even inside the smog filled city, and usually the people around me were at last in a similar mood to my everyday self. Except in the rain, I was the happy flourishing one, not the depressed apathetic one, so I guess such a small change in weather flipped the scale for all of us.

I used to distantly wonder if I would ever have the pleasure of meeting someone like myself. Someone who wasn't family, someone who wouldn't judge, someone who understood, someone who might even relate to me. But that was the past, and as I turned down the street to my left steadily nearing the school, back from the café I visited during lunch, I realized, exulansis setting deep within my bones, that I just didn't care about that anymore. Well, I didn't really care for most things by then.

The school hallway was still crowded, lunchtime still going strong, and most idiots were spending it gossiping about the new subject of bullying. It was always someone new they ruined the life of. You might think, this is high school, it's not permanent, but let me assure you, in a school filled with rich kids, ready to take after their parents when the time arrives, being deemed a punching bag meant you would stay the punching bag, or they abandoned you and through their connections, made sure you had no chance of ever getting a proper job from a high paying company.

I hated the population of this school since birth. My parents were the underlings of multiple of them, they changed jobs as often as breathing, but stayed close to their boss's vicinity to suck up properly. My dear uncle got big by marrying a rich bitch, and demanding a few children with her. He thought that would tie them together. She didn't give a fuck though, and after the whole incident that ended with their divorce, I'm pretty sure he's homeless somewhere.

The woman in question moved away after her oldest turned eighteen, basically making the oldest the guardian of the rest, and the sole provider of the family. Of course, by her own words, she wasn't cruel; she left in their safe box enough money for all of their Uni funds… That very money was used to pay rent for a while there, so I doubted there was any of it left.

My cousins are chill people though, I love them wholeheartedly. They know how it feels to have parents who not only don't give a shit about your happiness or what you want, but actively work against you and who and what you are.

Opening my locker and contemplating, I felt a cold hand on my shoulder. The world seemed to lag as I looked at the curious appendage on my person. It took another moment to process the black nails with specks of gold on them, accommodated by a gold bracelet on the wrist belonging to the hand. Finally looking up, I stumbled with Laeti's indicolite gaze suddenly feeling self- conscious.

She stared at me with a slightly creepy smile of contemplation, then let out her thoughts loudly to my chagrin.

'HUh GIRL-' I slapped my hand over her mouth, waiting for the slight attention she caused to die down.

I gave her the wide eyed look, by now she interpreted as the "I can make you scream too if you want, but you won't like it" look. I guess she interpreted it sexually, but I interpreted it with the pocket knife I walk around with for safety. Anyway, she smirked like the pervert she was, waving a finger at me in a scolding motion. My annoyance rose, but I removed my hand and gave her the smoothie she requested over text from my lunch run.

'You look sexy!' She declared, making me numb at her ebullience.

It was a good day though. Instead of the dull acceptance that my life would end soon with me having done nothing of worth, and the slight despair at knowing that the one thing that could stop me, would never happened, instead of all that I just felt, nothing. It was a rare experience, but very welcome. Even if on days like this I felt dizzy and spaced out more than usual.

I faked a smile 'I know, I guess this was a panacea for me, huh?' She blinked in confusion a few times, trying to find the word I used in her minds dictionary, then sighed wearily.

'It's a bad day, huh? You only use difficult words when your emotions are numbing.' She pouted at me popping the paper straw into her mouth. I slightly turned my head in confusion at that. I mean, how could being numb be worse than being in pain? Sometimes people online say they'd rather be in pain than numb, and I never understood that. I mean, sure I'd rather feel physically in pain than emotionally, but I'd rather just not feel at all, than be in pain. That's why I cut.

'Difficult words Laeti?' I said matter of fact. Her pale cheeks flushed pink, eyebrows frowning. She refused to look at me. Cute…

I smirked at her 'I guess you did fail French last semester…' Her indignant squeak made me giggle.

'You're such a bitch sometimes!' She stumped her feet, then grabbed me by my arm and began guiding me towards the cafeteria. She glared at the hallway, still refusing to look at me. In my mind, her behavior became questionable. Alas I kept my rude mouth shut.

'The baggy hoodie looks good on you…' She mumbled, purposefully ignoring that it was her hoodie I wore, with her leggings and sneakers. I felt small in them, which on this particular rainy day, felt pretty good. Sometimes being swallowed up by warm fabrics was a mood, you know?

'Thanks' I mumbled, putting the hand not stuck in her grip on her own and squeezing, as we stepped into the Cafegymatorium. My anxiety was pretty confusing that day, switching between panic and numbness like my emotions, since morning. I was hoping with the emotional numbness I wouldn't feel like dying if we sat in the crowded area, but I was wrong. The moment I stepped into the space filled with sweaty teenagers I wanted to run and lock myself into an empty classroom.

'Yo Leticia!' Yelled a jock somewhere, his voice felt like it was underwater.

'It's Laetitia, darling! Please respect my ladies.' Said a silky voice I recognized.

'It's okay 'Lina' Said my best friend awkwardly.

I desperately hid my steadily heating face in her shoulder, a quiet sound escaping me in my quest to block out all the shitheads and their loud voices. One of the assholes bumped into my arm and I wanted to wipe that area down with something to prevent infection.

'She okay?' Some boy from my class.

'Ew, please tell me it's not blood loss!' A cheerleader.

'Don't be rude! Some people don't like crowds!' That was definitely the girl I was science partners with. Orelie was it her name?

Where is Laeti taking us?

Laeti smiled down at me, letting my arm go and hugging me close with an arm over my shoulder. I know it's an overreaction to human contact, but it's just how it makes me feel. Shitty.

'You two both look fuckable! Why are there so many fine females at this table?'

Your mom's a female you manlet piece of shit!

I'm not quirky or special either, I can guarantee most people feel like this over strangers touching them, well introverts definitely do at least. As long as I don't let the offender know it won't hurt their feelings and make them feel bad about themselves, so I'd like to think it's fine to be grossed out, as long as we don't ever say that shit out loud.

'He's right you know! Laeti looking like a snack as always, and Alice finally having that edge she was missing… ' Silky voice said.

Echoing laughter.

'You guys know that's not how I mean it! I'd never wish that on her, the poor girl.'

What a fake little bitch.

'We know, it's okay. Can we sit here?'

'Sure'

'Thanks, she tends to need something to snap her out of it, so-'

Suddenly my ass smacked down on a chair. I looked up in shock at the table we sat at. This is the part I hate about dissociating I thought as my eyes met Melina's teal-hazel eyes.

Her very special eyes.

Laeti's hands left my shoulder as I looked around in shock.

She fucking brought me to the popular kids table.

They all became clear before me as the world sharpened, background chatter in my head as they all gave me attractive grins. Laeti sat next to me with her own grin to match.

'There she is!' Said Melina's boyfriend Miel. They were the perfect couple because their names both meant honey. Made me wonder if they were related the first time I heard this, but no, they were simply born to marry each other. 'Welcome to our humble abode 'Lice! Can I call you Lice?'

Can you not fucking hear me?

I opened my mouth-

'Cool, everyone, she's Lice now!'

My eyebrow twitched.

'You are so adorable!' Laughed Laeti the fake way she does when she's flirting.

'He so is!' Melina waved it off with an eye roll and a smile, removing her gum from her mouth, and kissing her precious, adorkable boy-toy on the lips. After a too long moment and too loud moans, she pushed him away and looked into Laeti's eyes, making me almost roll mine. 'Now, did you bring it like a good girl?'

'Of course' she squeaked, doing her best to play off her misstep.

Hey! HEEeeeeyy! Helloo? No reaction…

I wanted to hit Laeti over her sheep like submission to the school's popular girl, feeling disgust as my best-girl-friend sucked up to the queen. Taking the Ice-tea from my bag, Laeti gave the queen her order, making sure to point out that I paid for it. My eyebrow twitched. Laeti did say she wanted us to have lunch with a friend of hers. Not even in my wildest dreams did I think-

'The exact one I wanted, you remembered!' She purred patting Laeti on the head.

'Alice paid! I didn't really do anything' She scratched the back of her head. I guess she wanted us to be accepted into this group… Us both-

'…' I stood up, interrupting her parade. Laeti looked at me surprised, then guilty at the obvious anger radiating off my blank face. I would not swallow this. Not after what that honey haired bitch did to my Ken. She was the reason he left.

'Enjoy, your lunches.' I said turning away and swaggering towards the Cafeteria entrance's direction. A few people who were in my way hurriedly stepped out of it, I guess my aura was murderous enough.

'Alice come on! Why can't we shove it under the rug?' Laeti yelled after me upset.

Shove it under the rug? Who the fuck does she think she is? I turned around ready to explode, when-

Alice!

I was sitting in a locked stall, pocket knife against my skin but not cutting, as the bell rang signaling the… end of lunch? Or… the window above me showed that it was getting dark outside.

I- what?

I dizzily stood up from the closed lidded toilet.

Did… did I block out time? What the fuck happened?

I found my bag on the floor open, and I kneeled down in a hurry, looking over my stuff. Finding my phone, I unlocked it, feeling cold sweat run down the back of my neck at the time. School ended an hour ago.

Luckily I found a text from Laeti, hurridly reading it.

15:30

LaetitiaBeaufortAKAHotBabeBestie: Alice, sry for what happened lunch. I didn't mean 2 upset u, but u gotta understand I'm scared 4 u! I just want u 2 hav friends, a future, 2 socialize & break free of all ur issues! U can't keep doing this 2 urself.

15:34

I'm rlly sry 4 not warning u! However, I also thx u. I could tell u wanted 2 yell me then, but u didn't. It did hurt that u ignored me all day, but I understand. Maybe we should both focus on school from now? The teacher's looked super happy abt how attentive & throughout u were in class.

15:46

Anyway.. Pls txt me back

16:50

R u ok?

XOXO

Apparently, I didn't do anything besides be pleasant to the teachers. Great. I still felt like my entire body was lead, and my head started feeling heavier by the second.

I didn't even feel angry, I just wanted to go to bed. Hesitantly I picked up my phone.

17:47

Alicethedirangedslut: smh, no worries i'm fine, ur welcome, ttyl

LaetitiaBeaufortAKAHotBabeBestie: It's late, where r u? Your parents r mad

I cursed at whatever god was toying with me. Of course they'd be mad, it was way after my classes ended. Fuck.

Alicethedirangedslut: h8 that

LaetitiaBeaufortAKAHotBabeBestie: H8 being the bearer of bad news

they want u home ASAP

Alicethedirangedslut: I'v gg

c u l8r

It didn't even cross my mind that my parents haven't yet seen me with my new hair.

I just ran home in the heavy rain, in the dark, not really contemplating anything. Sometimes when fear overwhelms me I only think of ways to get out of the horrifying situation, not the already existent issues that could make it worse. I even wondered if my parents would snap one day, and straight up kill me.

But as before, I suddenly realized that I wasn't on the street. I was in my bedroom, halfway in the middle of removing my towel. I felt fear mix with confusion again, but I was too exhausted to do anything besides lay down in my bed naked, and pull the covers over myself. I didn't even turn off my mood lights.

---

The next morning my parents didn't seem pleased with my hair. Well… they thought I looked atrocious, but I've never felt prettier. I woke up feeling pretty good that day, which I knew would, like the day before, turn into a shitty ending, but at least it started with me feeling good about myself.

The ends of my hair, thought the intention was pink, ended in a torch red color, deepening into a black at the very ends. It definitely added to my very few charm points. I mean, hey! I finally looked the part. It was about time people stopped questioning my behavior and cuts. I was getting real tired of people whispering about how weird they thought it was that such strict parents didn't whip my ass for doing something stupid like that to myself. Like, "beating some sense" into your child was normal in any situation at all. Besides, my parents did beat my ass for this, among other things, and somehow they still managed to not understand that, just maybe, the constant ass beating was the reason why their precious daughter started cutting in the first place.

Alas, it was time for me to do some shopping, wearing Laeti's clothes was cool and all, but my own closet needed an improvement. It was filled with modest, cutesy outfits my mother chose for me, 'cause news flash, my parents tried to control even that part of me. The few clothes I had that fit my style where all brought by my oldest cousin Carmen.

I feel like some parents don't realize that they turn their kids into prey by doing shit like this… And let me explain how I got to this opinion. First off; I'm blonde, as I've mentioned before, not a big deal, people are blond, sure… But blonde is often considered by shitheads as an acquaintance of purity, as stupid as that is, but it adds to other people's perception of me. Hence I dyed my hair darker to shoo off this opinion of others.

Secondly, I'm also pretty short, like… 150cm at 15 kind of short. Being short doesn't make one weak, or childish inherently, (I hate to explain that as well, SHORT WOMEN ARE ADULTS FOR FUCKS SAKE,) but being a small teen does make you such, after all, teenagers are technically between child and adult, and we know predatory people love things they perceive as childish and innocent and pure. My small stature improved since then of course, I was a kid, but back then it was a very big consequence that grown ass men, like my teacher or Laeti's dad, were hitting on me like I was a free buffet for them. Gross.

Third, my face wasn't as intimidating as I wished it was, thought I was working on it, my resting bitch face did improve since then.

Fourth, I was weak and thin because of depression and my parents' abuse, which made it easy to push or hold me down. I always despised that.

All four points caused me to look cute and innocent from the outside perspective, which, I believe, is part of the reasons my teacher saw me as an easy target for his sick desires. It's a different question that I'm not moved by his charm and see through him. Most girls wouldn't, they would fall in love and then get severely hurt. I won't say I'm lucky, I don't think being damaged enough to recognize danger like that is necessarily a good thing… Don't get me wrong, it's great that I have a working radar for predators, but shit- I wish I didn't have to go through what I went through to get it… It's still better that it's someone doomed like me and not an actual sweet girlie, with a clear future ahead. It would be a shame to have your youth ruined by a bitchass like him. He was useful, don't get me wrong, but he shouldn't have been attracted to his high-school-aged students.

And that weird attraction was enhanced by my innocent look being coupled by my modest, "I go to church every Sunday" look, never occurring to my mother, that clothing like that, however family friendly, would make me more of a target, than a darker fashion would. As hot as Grunge E-girls are, most people are still intimidated by Alt fashion, I'd rather that then unwanted men. And of course, let me not forget, my luck, I also got harassed and called a prude by my schoolmates.

Makes me want to go off like "No babes, I don't have the luck of my rich Mommies and Daddies not giving a fuck about what I do. My parents wish me dead, but if they found me dishonoring them, the way ya'll do with yours every weekend, they'd lock me in the basement for a week and let me starve, unlike you freaks who can snort coke out of the ass of whoever stranger you've met in the back of the club you illegally got into with bribery. If I had a choice, your fuckasses wouldn't even DARE come talk shit to my face, you'd be as afraid as your kind gets when a Goth passes you on the street!" I would probably get beaten up or worse for this, but eh…

Ultimately, I finally went to buy stuff and hid it all in Laeti's wardrobe. Surprise, I couldn't possibly be privileged enough to bring it home, my mom did almost rip out my hair when she saw I used her credit card for buying, whatever, but it wasn't as bad as when-

Anyway, I devised a wonderful plan on how to wear my own clothing during the day without those two finding out. I would change in Laeti's mom's car every morning, and then change in the school restrooms at the days end. I would miss breakfast, but that would only mean, less time with the two assholes who dared to call themselves my parents.

The next few days I got stared at by my peers like crazy, but I actually felt good in my clothes. Monsieur Blanchet loved my new look, which terrified me, because darker outfits are leveled with E-girls now days, and E-girls are usually sexualized by themselves and the entire internet, so I thought to myself "Great, he likes slutty little girls as much as prudish ones." that fucking creep.

Now, it's normal for me to loose Laeti throughout the day, she had a hobby of breaking school rules by doing lecherous stuff with the boys in random places – I stopped questioning it, I fucked my teacher for a better grade after all, nothing sluttier than that, I'm definitely going deeper in hell when I die than her –but her showing up to lunch with afterglow every time was pretty funny of an occurrence.

By the gods thought, I did not expect to find what I found, when I was excused from free study period by Monsieur Blanchet, using the excuse that I would help organize the Physics lab, but really it was him letting me know he wanted to fuck me and ruin my new clothes. Of course I whispered to him with a sweet grin that if he tried I'd break his arm using one of his precious microscopes. Sadly, that seemed to turn him on even more.

As we walked down the steadily quieting halls, I was starting to feel a bit haphephobic. I didn't know if I'd have to kneel today, or get ready to be inserted with no actual pleasure to come out of it. Seriously, you'd think a man his age would know how to pleasure a vagina, but no, there's a clear reason, once again, why his wife finds him unfuckable enough for him to go after underaged girls.

He was walking next to me, hair kind of messy, reading glasses resting on his shirt like a tie would, a calm smirk sitting on his handsome, aging face. The asshole had the ugly habit of being smug when he got his way. The girls in the class did like him, as students sometimes do, but I doubt any of them knew of this side of him… The one who excused his student from class for a chance to fuck her in the lab.

'You are one pathetic man.' I let him know kindly, since he only seemed to get off to it more. Maybe he'd finish fast, was my judgment.

He looked at me in empty surprise, then smiled again 'And you are a very delightful person, your social skills never fail to amaze me.' He dished back, which… I deserved, not going to lie.

I pouted, feeling offended that he genuinely did not mind treating the person he was about to fuck, like she was a child. 'I just think women your age might be a better idea than risking your carrier, but whatever.' I rolled my eyes, feeling distrustful. He's definitely going to gaslight me or something.

I walked past him, when he seemed to come to a halt, and my chest squeezed painfully when he grabbed my arm all of a sudden. 'Hey-hey!' He scolded 'I'm not making you do anything.'

I wanted to punch him. Sure you aren't.

'You might not be of age, but you are a very mature and intelligent young woman, –' Oh for fucks sake! '– you made the conscious decision to sleep with me.' He leaned forward, his dark hair slipping slightly in front of his cold grey eyes. 'You're perfectly capable of making decisions Alice.' He leaned down towards me.

'And you keep underestimating your womanhood. You are perfectly mature enough for my taste.' Ew.

I always felt a little cornered by men like him, he was just so fucking tall I felt like he was looming over me like a creep. Well, Monsieur Blanchet was a creep, but he clearly didn't mind pretending I didn't know.

His other hand came up to cup my face. I shivered, uncomfortable, when his big hand encompassed my entire cheek, neck and occiput. 'Professeur.' I said clipped, when I realized he was not going to stop. 'Lucien.' I breathed in a panic as his face got closer to mine. I shut my eyes tightly when his lips met mine, smoothing over them. He was all encompassing, and not in a good way. It felt like he was swallowing me whole sometimes. Not just physically, but my mind felt drained whenever he talked to me. I didn't believe a word he said, but it still wasn't pleasant to hear these things. And I found myself not having the ability to say no. I got myself into this mess though, he was right about that.

He took a step back, than detached his mouth from mine, and I took a deep breath through my nose. He caressed the area he cupped gently, and I felt like he meant it as a warning. I didn't flinch, I only felt my mind go blank, when I leaned up on my tip-toes to kiss him back in order to satisfy him enough to not screw me over. Transactional. I gave him my body, he let me pass. Easy.

I distantly wondered how many times I would feel like the men I was surrounded with would attack me unprompted by a faulty reason. It felt like grown men where too comfortable looking like they'd respond with violence to what I said or did. I was only 15.

He released me with the disgusting sound kissing made, and I stepped back light headed. Lead in my brain, lead in my blood, flowing round and round and round andround-

'We should hurry.' He whispered in my ear, I didn't remember when he leaned in. He took my hand and began speed walking towards the lab. My head was a mush, and I knew I would dissociate again while he did his thing. I would only remember a slight sensation of wrongness. I wouldn't actually be there to feel any of it.

However, as our steps began to reach the lab, he slowed down in slight surprise, causing me to snap back into alertness. There was noise coming from the lab. The kind we were about to make. I raised my gaze at him, and the dumbass looked especially uncertain. He clearly knew his duty as a teacher, but he also didn't want his time with me to escape. I thought fast.

'Lucien~' I whispered, and his pale gaze met my darker one. 'You hear that?'

He raised an eyebrow, and nodded.

'The sound of carnal meat smacking.' I smirked, and he cringed slightly, closing an eye.

'Alice, that joke was vile.' I knew he'd say that, he liked to pretend he was sophisticated.

'They're doing some horizontal jogging.' I let go of his hand, and he looked slightly red, lips down curling. I stepped closer to the door. 'Smooshing booties.' I skipped towards the door, and he sighed, knowing my attention was on uncovering the rule breakers. Laeti was my first guess, but I've heard her moan before, and her moans didn't sound so nasally or high pitched.

'Taking the hot dog bus to taco town~' I sang softly, hands on the pull handle. 'Taking the skin boat to tuna town!' I heard him face palm behind me as I suddenly slid open the door.

The first thing that happened was my eyes being assaulted by full nakedness… Very clever. The second was, her, noticing me and screaming bloody murder in shock, jumping off the lap of the guy she was with, who was definitely not her boyfriend.

'Well, well, well~' I began, a wide grin stretching my face, as Lucien finally stepped behind me. The girl began to frantically dress herself, as her side-guy or quick hookup noticed us, dazed, which made me laugh, and began dressing himself in sudden equal distress.

'If it isn't Melina Valentine, cheating on her boyfriend and fiancé~' I said, looking into deep teal hazel eyes which glared at me with the rage of a thousand suns.

She was finally going to pay for what she did to Ken… Unless...

---

I stood at the front door of my parents' house, contemplating deeply. I wanted to dunk my head in the lake when I saw my parents' car in the driveway. It was dinner time soon, and my head was already hurting, I did my best to make the walk from Laeti's to mine as long as possible. I even pet like five stray kitties on the way home, and somehow I still made it before they headed out to their night shift. Though I experienced some funny business in the morning, the rest of my day was unmemorable. It was boring and grey and I felt like there was mold in my brain. I knew I went to class and took notes. I talked to Laeti and stuff, had PE class and sex with the Unspeakable Man at lunch time to fill in the time we missed out on in the morning, but I would not, for the life of my beloved cousins, would ever be able to tell in detail what I said or learned. I felt like my day went by in a fog… Common, since I had depression, but that time it felt more severe in a weird way. The human brain is very interesting isn't it?

I contemplated breaking the glass part of the door and slitting my throat when I heard my mother laughing in a gross posh way. The idea that we had an important guest made me want to vomit. I know the people walking past my house were staring at me, my gloomy aura must have reached them, but I could not convince myself to walk inside… until that sweet voice of the guest began to speak passionately.

My eyes widened, as I stared ahead at the oak door, thinking about the universe and fate and such. With shaky hands I grabbed the door handle and opened it, walking inside, and shutting it softly behind me. Raising my long skirt, I tiptoed out of my pums and dropped my bag on the long desk near the door, which the key bowl laid on.

I went into the kitchen and washed my hands, before I approached the dining room. I peeked inside and instantly squealed in delight and ran towards the table, surprising my mother who screamed in shock, and my dad who spilled hot tea on himself.

I jumped and enveloped the figure before me, feeling ready to cry as arms wrapped around me in return. I pushed my face into soft wavy sand blonde hair, grabbing fistfuls of Carmen's outgrown flowery sundress Nora must have hated.

I pulled back and laughed as tears slid down my face from pure happiness. She was solid and here, and she was suddenly the most beautiful thing to me.

Her eyes were lined in the feline style, clearly saying 'It's Britney Bitch' but her mouth said 'Alice, it's a pleasure to see you once more!' well-mannered and polite to appease my parents, but clearly planning for us to get drunk once they left.

Planning a sleepover party until dawn, and to show up to class hangover once morning came.

I couldn't wait.

---

The mansion, by all means, looked fucking haunted. The grass on the front lawn haven't been mowed in years, the walls were falling apart, and the window next to the front door was cracked from bottom to top in multiple places, and the tiles where falling off the rooftop.

Debrah looked disgusted at everything in front of her, and Castiel just wanted to leave. He didn't understand why she wanted to further discuss the situation. Nathaniel was a dickhead, and Nora didn't seem to care. It sucked, she was his friend for almost six years, and yet she chose her boyfriend, someone she barely dated for longer than three months, over him. It hurt him more than he cared to admit. Nora never yelled at him like that before. She was really angry, and he didn't find it himself to say she didn't somewhat have a point. Castiel did hit Nathaniel first, without listening to a word the blond tried to say. But the idea that Debrah would attempt to cheat on him was ludicrous.

Debrah looked at him for a moment with blank eyes, before taking his hand with a sweet smile and guiding him towards the door. They've talked about him and Nora on the way here, and Debrah believed it was best he didn't forgive this. She never liked Nora though, so he wasn't sure he wanted to listen to her about this particular subject.

Nora was there for him for a LOT of bullshit over the years, and he was there for her. This might have been a rough patch, but he wasn't willing to let her go because of it.

He really would have liked a chance to discuss this with Lysander, but Debrah haven't let him out of her sight since the incident, so he haven't the chance quite yet.

As they reached the front door, she let go his hand, and raised it to knock, before noticing the Victorian doorknocker in the shape of a man… with his huge testicles as the handle. Castiel always though Nora's mother was a psychopath for doing that, but he also appreciated the little joke, as it managed to diffuse the tension he felt in his shoulders. To Castiel that doorknocker was a childhood keepsake, but to Debrah, it was a tragic first.

She stared at the balls in shock clearly not knowing if she should touch it, while Castiel made the decision in his head, to not tell her about the doorbell, which was installed by Carmen a few years back, right to her left. It was funnier that way.

Making her decision, Debrah looked at him with a nervous smile before finally knocking.

As Castiel remembered, the sound wasn't the loud thumping she expected, but loud whining moans of a man. Debrah jumped back with a panicked squeal, as Castiel suppressed his laughter.

'I forgot to mention that Mrs. Wongler is an avid Scary Movie Series Fan, she has all the special props used.' He smirked at her form, as she cowered behind him.

'Woah, re-eally feeling the love here!' She muttered as the front door slammed open, almost smacking them both in the nose.

'The door was also put in wrong…'He mumbled, before his mouth clicked shut along his girlfriend's.

There he was, Andre Wongler himself, looking murderous and exhausted. His cool blue eyes sharpened, deep swelling underneath indicating long hours wasted on incessant studying for finals, and endless overtime at his job. His hair looked a mess, sticking up at all the wrong angles, and from what Castiel noticed, freshly dyed black. His lips were pale and slightly cracked, turning down in distaste , as the cigarette sticking out of his mouth looked bitten and chewed upon, unlit.

His heart skipped a beat for a moment, but he refused to acknowledge it, as the almost man in front of him, eyed him and Debrah from head to toe.

After an uncomfortable moment passed when no one moved, Andre finally seemed to have enough, as he snapped 'Can I fucking help you?' kindly at them.

Debrah flinched at the tone slightly, not used to men not giving a fuck about her charms, she stepped out of Castiel's shadow and grabbed the lock of hair falling over her shoulder anxiously, 'Yeah, sorry, we're here for Nora?' She tilted her head, flapping her lashes cutely, expecting the older teen to soften at her timid gesture. The man before her did no such thing, of course, Andre had no softness left in him for anyone not his sisters.

His eyebrow twitched at the fake gesture. 'And who the fuck are you?'

Debrah looked taken aback for a moment, all masks completely falling as she let out a weak 'Her classmates.' Not realizing the snappy tone was for her, not them.

Andre knew who Castiel was, even if they haven't ever really talked before. The two of them were similar in a way.

As Castiel stepped forward in slight warning at the tone against his girlfriend, Andre seemed to fall into deep though, as annoyed as he still looked. His eyes met Castiel's and the younger instantly felt humbled at the raw apathy at his challenge.

Andre was different in this way maybe. He didn't fight people he knew for sure he could knock out in a millisecond. Especially a dumbass little Sophmore playing tough guy. Castiel felt sudden despair at the realization that the old him who Andre seemed to maybe like a little, seemed to have disappointed him at some point, as those empty eyes stared into his soul.

He guessed Andre still kept up with him, the way Castiel kept up with the older. Nora talked too much to not know of each other's business at all times. Castiel used to think the two of them bonded over Nora's enthusiasm and its impossible loudness neither could keep up with.

Now though, he felt like a stranger.

Maybe Lysander and Nora were right. Debrah did change him. Wasn't sure anymore if that was a good thing.

Andre seemed to sense Castiel's despair, he always knew what others felt, and backed off with his own death glare, hissing in slight pain as he scratched the back of his own neck.

He let out a deep breath through his nose, clearly annoyed at his own regret at making the air awkward, and said in his usual monotone 'Castiel… and Debrah?' His sharp stare directed itself onto her, and she instantly knew she wasn't going to succeed in bullshitting him. She felt suddenly attracted to the man in front of her. Those eyes seemed intelligent and dangerous. The type of danger that could only be rooted into someone with a rough upbringing. The same danger she sometimes sensed in Nora when the other girl got angry enough to remove her own mask. The same think she hated in the man's younger sister.

His gaze seemed to shift into annoyance again, before it became emptier than she thought possible for a living human, as he turned around to the incessant sizzling in the background. His eye twitched. He began, with a slight limp, marching towards the open kitchen behind him.

'Close the door behind you.' He said in an unbothered tone. 'And no, you can't have water, or food, or use the bathroom.' He turned around with a wicked grin 'Tough fucking luck bitches~' His face went blank again, as he turned back to his food, disappearing behind a wall.

Debrah tried to share a look with him but his gaze went to the stairs, as someone of feminine figure began marching down it. He instantly felt overwhelming terror when Natalie appeared with only a bra on her upper body. Debrah stiffened next to him as well, as the young girl seemed to look at them once 'Morning' she mumbled, before turning back towards her destination, no fucks given about her upper torso being visible through the open front door. Castiel, panicked, pushed the shocked Debrah inside, and slammed the front door shut with all his power.

'HA! Warned ya! I live with three shameless bitches!' Came Andre's voice from the kitchen, which Natalie stepped into.

'Yeah, and you're the biggest bitch of all.' Nat rolled her eyes as she took a look at the food her brother was cooking.

The youngest in the house didn't flinch like the two guests did, when Andre began bellowing 'YO, DUMB BITCH, YO' CLASSMATES ARE HERE!'

Like clockwork, the answer from upstairs came, direct answer to the affectionate nickname 'Who're you CALLING A DUMB BITCH, I'LL KILL YOU!' Nora's banshee like cry didn't shock Castiel however, even if it did make Debrah visibly paler.

Maybe this was not a good idea She though.

'Fuck You! Get yo' hoe ass down here!' He sang sweetly, as his littlest sister took his flannel off the back of the kitchen island's bar chair. He just took a breath of the household's shared vape, and went back to cooking.

'Can I wear this today?' Nat asked, making Andre glance at his flannel in her grip. It seemed Natalie decided to change her whole outfit for the day after gym class again. Nora always complained about her sister randomly stealing her clothes during lunch and not returning them, so Castiel wasn't surprised about this either. As Castiel predicted, Andre's eyes softened at the idea of his baby sister swimming in his huge flannel.

'Sure.' He let out, letting out the smoke, before taking another breath of the vape. A ping on his phone, made Andre check his work-group-chat while Nat wrapped the flanner around herself, jumping up on the kitchen island next to the toaster. Said toaster dinged, flinging up the toasts, which she stole one from as her brother looked at her unbothered. He tried to fake it for the guests anyway.

'Aye, no that's mine.' His monotone betrayed him.

'You'll survive~' She began eating it after butting some butter on it, which she also stole from him. 'Unless you want me in the principal's office today for fighting…' She said with a mouthful. Castiel flinched at the sudden attack. He knew she did it on purpose, that girl went to drama club, just so she could learn how to insult people while going unnoticed.

Andre snorted. 'Carmen won't be happy about that.' He nodded in agreement, not bothering to look at the boy a few feet away.

Castiel felt the cold sweat glide down his neck. Carmen would indeed not be happy.

Debrah began feeling disrespected by everyone in the room, as all the attention was on the two siblings, even Castiel wasn't looking at her. This is why she planned on breaking up with him. It was like he stopped keeping her at forefront, always Lysander, or fucking Nora and her fucking family. She knew their sob story, but come on, it was water under the bridge, like, get over it, right?

'She' at Cozy Bear so early?' Asked Nat in the background. Her name was too familiar with the dickbag Debrah just eliminated as a threat.

Carmen seemed to be the family's greatest accomplishment, everyone in the entire fucking city knew that woman. A University student who used to be the sole bread winner of the house before Andre got a job last year. Poor Wongler siblings who were abused by daddy, and abandoned by mommy. One thing Carmen couldn't seem do was keep the fucking house from looking musty with spider webs in every corner. Well, at least the electronics and clothes everywhere managed to make it look somewhat lived in.

Not sure what she expects from a waitress job at a café, but cheers to her.

'Yea, Clemence called her in like the bitch she is.' Was Andre's answer, before Nora finally stomped down the stairs energetically.

'I'm here bitches!' She announced kindly, as she seemed to think everyone was deaf and blind.

'Took you long enough.' Mumbled Andre, as he began plating his lunch.

'God forbid you make us some too, let us starve!' Snapped Natalie, jumping down from the counter.

'Exactly! Very good My Bitchy Highness.' Her brother replied, as Debrah began noticing a pattern.

'Andre! Shut the FUCK UP!' Debrah flinched at the pure rage in Nora's voice, a late answer to the mumbled insult from before.

She took a moment of death starring, before she smiled sweetly. 'You don't wear make-up like I have to~' She said silkily.

Andre went to sit down at the couch as Natalie began her journey up the stairs in silence. 'Aha.' He let out after finding the remote and taking the TV off mute. He put his chewed up cigarette back in his mouth and lit the end with a lighter he seemed to pull from somewhere between the couch cushions, which worried Castiel about its safety.

Nora took one look at the couple and then let out an unimpressed 'Hey.' Castiel's heart sank, as two people began fighting in earnest on the TV. Nora stood with her arms crossed 'So why the fuck are you fuckers here?'

Debrah felt the back of her head heat up in anger at the other girl's tone. That little bitch just couldn't help herself could she? 'We're here to talk about Nath.' She tried in a calming tone, but Nora always saw through it, annoyingly enough.

Her answer came with one icy turquoise, and one pale lilac eye widening, as Nora began in a fake surprised tone 'Oh you came here to talk about my boyfriend supposedly cheating on me with you huh?' She stole Andre's vape from next him on the couch, and as he took a breath of his cigarette, she mimicked him with the vape.

The older brother sensed that he was being mimicked, and turned his head in irritation towards his sister. His eyes widened when he saw his (in truth, Carmen's) vape in her hand.

'Give that back you little bitch!' He snatched it out of her hand, and she grinned like a menace. He suddenly caught up with the words spoken and an evil grin stretched across his face. Nora's smile vanished as she sensed that she was about to be dragged by him. She didn't have to wait for long.

'Yo' dumbass has a boyfriend?' Her eyebrow twitched, but he continued 'Who the fuck wants to date you?' She hissed in offense, as he gave a breathy chuckle.

'Andre, shut the FUCK up or I'll beat your ass!' She growled like a feral dog ready to pounce.

His shoulders shook in a silent laugh. 'I'll just throw your hoe ass out the window~' He succeeded in making her show her middle fingers at him, making him finally grin in earnest.

Debrah had enough, these fuckers refused to pay attention to her and she would make them pay. She suddenly clapped her hands together, making all eyes land on her. 'Anyway!' She sang, clearly getting irritated, which both siblings wildly enjoyed witnessing. 'This was a very flat welcome, which I get, I wouldn't want to hear my Kitty –' Castiel felt his entire body cringe '– do that to me either–' Nora cut her off intelligently.

'Flat like yo' ass…' She stated like a fact.

Debrah stilled suddenly, and a deathly aura began to exude from her. '…Xcuse me?' She hissed, patience gone for good.

Nora wasn't deterred however. She continued in earnest '–and flat like yo' face will be if you don' stop lying and spreading rumors about my man~!' She lifted her voice in a slurty way, which clearly made the brunette uncomfortable, forcing a sudden chuckle out of Castiel that he couldn't stop.

It was a ridiculous conversation he didn't want to be a part of. When girls fought it ended a lot bloodier than when boys did. But, alas, his reaction didn't go unnoticed.

Andre smirked to himself, and Nora tried hiding a grin as Debrah turned towards her boyfriend, completely offended to the bone.

'Excuse me! Castiel! She threatened me!' She snapped in the tone she knew he hated, and he felt slightly agitated from it.

'Well, at least she was funny while doing it!' He snapped back, and Debrah's jaw actually dropped.

The fucking nerve this useless man had!

She closed her mouth and glared at him full force while pouting her lips. He was going to feel bad, and he was going to do what she wanted. Point Blank Period.

Castiel felt himself sweat, and rolling his eyes, he gave in. 'Right.' He muttered, and leveled Nora with a look. She seemed to give zero fucks though, she never felt threatened by him. She knew he would never.

'Nora–' He tried '–don't insult my girlfriend, or I'll knock you out!' His tone came off too flat, but Debrah knew that was the max attempt he was willing to make on his lady best friend.

Nora pouted with a contemplative look, unbothered. 'You sure you want to threaten me in front of my big brother?' She asked curious, and Castiel did snap his gaze towards Andre at the mention, realizing instantly that he was being messed with. She grinned at him when he looked back at her, face flushed.

Andre was only half paying attention after all, he was watching a Soap Opera, which was just getting to the good part, when he looked up at the three teenagers and saw the various stages of contempt. He sighed, and to defuse the tension, said 'I barely know him, but I already like him more than I like you Nora~' he drawled, catching all attention in the room, even Natalie's, who was hiding, sitting on the top stair, listening in to the conversation. At her brother's words, Nat burst into an uncontrollable fit of screaming laughter, zeroing in on him.

'Of COURSE That's what he says! Brother of the century!'

Andre flushed slightly with an eye roll.

Nora looked towards the stairs, then her brother, wholly unimpressed, as Castiel tried to fight off his own giggles.

Debrah contemplated for the first time ending herself to escape this suffering.

---

'And then?' Asked Alice as they fluffed up the extra pillows together that now adorned her bed, along an extra blanket.

'Oh! We had to get back to class, so we went together in awkward silence.' Nora stated without a care. 'Castiel and I skipped class though and went to the skate park. He doesn't skate, but he was willing to accommodate me. He's been kind of lost lately.' She explained as she finally slipped the sundress off her body and head-dived into the mattress.

Alice giggled at the soft moan of pleasure her cousin let out as she got comfortable on the bed.

Nora, after a few minutes of snuggling cutely, shot up into a sitting position, catching Alice slightly off guard, and instantly starting her angry tirade, facial expressions shifting wildly the more aggravated she became.

'So that bitch, Debrah, literally broke up with him through text next morning, and she DARED to use me as an excuse! I mean, seriously? Not enough for her to play games with my best friend, alienate my boyfriend from the rest of the school, spread rumors about my big sis, manipulate the school staff, and convince their manager to drop Castiel, which is an information the sheep of my school could have learned if they asked ONE single question from Nat about what really happened, but no! Debrah said he assaulted her, so EVERYONE BELIEVES IT. I don't hate that part, 'cause it's good to take female victims seriously, but when a bitch has a history of lying for cookie points, I have doubts, you know 'Lice?' She rambled in pure anger, as Alice realized how nice that nickname sounded form the right people.

'Yeah, she sounds like a piece of work, but your peers too. Everyone at your school sound really naïve…' She felt remorseful for saying so, but the idea that an entire school could be manipulated by one simple teenaged girl was concerning.

'Yah! I mean, how was NO ONE ever there when she showed her true colors to me. Every single time,' she began counting on her fingers,

'1 The halls become desolate,

2 the classrooms, which were are obligated to be in, we are not allowed to wonder the halls unless its lunch, are barren of any life, not even the nerds or anything,

3 the stairwell is empty, you know, something we need to access the science lab, which is always occupied by a class, we have ONE teacher, she's always teaching.

4 Boris spends all his time in the gym, he's nowhere to be found when she's bitching at me,

5 the fucking courtyard where Castiel chills at, he isn't there, I guess he has to take a giant shit when his bitch catches me there,

6 THE FUCKING ROOFTOP, we can't go up there technically, but we go up there anyway to smoke and shit, there's a grunge couple sitting right at the ledge every time I went up there. When Debrah goes up there, those two? Who know? They're fucking in the infirmary for all I know, but they ain't there!' She raised both of her arms to wave them maniacally in her frustration, making Alice laugh, then wince in sympathy.

'Why don't you just record her when she talks shit? Just have your phone recording in your pocket, while minding your own business?'

'She'd find a way to turn it against me. She somehow always knows!' Nora began pouting in earnest 'Besides,' She fell back onto the bed 'She's moving away to the capital. Paris has more options or whatever.'

Alice rolled her eyes 'Well that's blatantly untrue, it's more expensive, everyone is a jerk, and it has a shitload of tourists and is all around dirty. It steals the spot light from the other, arguably prettier parts of France. It's perfect for her.'

Nora let out a giggle 'True. But I mean, living in Paris can't be that much worse than here can it? At least Paris has nice history.' That Alice could agree with.

As much as she hated the capital, her city wasn't much better then it, and unlike here, Parisians had good reason to be irritated all the time. Here, it was easy to live, most were rich and the prices were low, but the narcissistic attitude of rich people could ruin every city.

Amoris, Nora's home town, on the other hand, was considered a friendly place, by outsiders. Most weren't aware of the crime rate's rapid rising month after month. The friendly, unassuming, small city was the perfect place for gang activity in the background and for other grizzly matters to slowly began infesting under the skin of the streets, until the putrid decay slowly bleed through into the air.

The more Alice heard of the slowly worsening news from that city, the more she began wondering, when it would finally come crashing down. Where her cousins safe living there? They technically lived on the outskirts of the city, at least thirty minutes from the police station in a car. It could be as much a blessing as a curse.

She tried to snap herself out of it. She was trying to have a good time with Nora right now!

'And how is Castiel taking it?' She asked slightly bemused.

Nora instantly began barking again, as she too was snapped out of her thoughts.

'He dyed his hair red! It looks so bad! He did his roots and everything, YoU Can't dooooo thaaaaat-'

---

'Your hair is really pretty! I love the pink darkening into black at the ends.' Said Nora, pizza in her mouth as she turned on the TV in the living room.

After Nora let out all of her frustrations caused by her classmates, she finally explained the reason for her presence. Alice knew that Nora's class was tasked to perform a school play just around the corner which Nora was chosen to play the main character in, so the younger girl's sudden appearance raised huge red flags, once Alice calmed down her racing heart and stopped crying.

Nora, the little demon, explained that her classmates have been steadily treating her shittier thanks to Debrah's influence, so she decided she would punish them by leaving them hanging in the last minute, something she convinced Nathaniel, her boyfriend, to also do, as a way to teach her friends a valuable lesson about believing rumors, and letting them lapse your judgment.

Alice thought it was hilarious, even if she had a feeling it would not end the way Nora hoped. She knew Nora didn't need to be coddled; she was perfectly capable on her own, probably more so than most adults. But she still felt like the other girl was a bit too… Fearless. She did whatever whenever and she didn't mind the consequences, even if they were bad. She dealt with them either way, and didn't seem bothered by pitiful high school drama, or pitiful online drama. Nora was her polar opposite in that sense. Alice felt pretty hurt by most things that went wrong in her life, while Nora took it all in strides. Alice honestly admired her cousins. She knew she herself would never be that competent. She was way weaker than them.

That didn't stop them from making decisions that Alice couldn't help but face palm at though. Especially their fierce personalities… Well the girls' fierce personalities. Andre seemed to be reaching apathy territory lately. (Alice assumed it was the cause of his exams and graduation coming up very soon, and he'd probably get back to normal once he could chill out a little bit, but she warned Nora to keep her eyes on him anyway. You can never be too careful after all.)

After Nora finished her rambling, they finally got dressed into Alice's PJ's and moved downstairs into the kitchen and living room to watch a show Nora's been dying to see.

'You do?' She asked, pinching her choppy bangs between her fingers bashfully. Any complement from Nora was a positive thing, that girl had an amazing eye for beauty.

'Yeah! I love that you kept most of it blonde, especially after Castiel, that was a dumpster fire.' She hissed.

Alice cringed slightly 'You could fix it for him? You've been dyeing your friends' hair since collège, didn't you?'

'Yep' She said, suddenly proud of herself. 'I dyed Violette's hair Lavender Purple the beginning of lycée, Iris's hair a golden pink last week, it helped that she's a natural ginger, easy for the color she chose-' Nora stopped herself before she exploded into another rant, flushing slightly. 'Sorry!' She said sheepishly, 'I just like talking to you, I missed you.'

Alice smiled gently 'I like that you talk a lot. I don't usually know what to say. Not much happens to me on the daily anymore.' Besides the weird fog and sudden time lapses she thought to add, but decided against.

'Hm… Does it not?' A smirk was her response, which made Alice think that Nora knew something Alice didn't. She wasn't going to pry though, it never ended well.

'No… Well… Kind of mad at Laeti at the moment…' Alice couldn't help but say.

'Oh?' Nora looked surprised, but then seemed to think better of it. After a moment she finally concluded 'It wouldn't be her first time pissing you off.'

Alice twitched in response, feeling guilty 'Yeah. I guess we just think in drastically different ways.'

'No shame in that!' Nora waved her off, reminding Alice of the fact that Nora's own friends were pretty shitty for turning against her as well. Alas, that's just human nature.

When people are told they have sheep mentality, they get offended, refusing to, for just a second, contemplate why someone would say that to them. They seem to think it's an insult, instead of a wakeup call. Frustratingly tragic, but normalized. Alice remembered Carmen's mundane contemplation.

It wasn't something said as a patronizing lecture, it was more of a basic observation she accidently let slip out, while babysitting little Alice and Nora, while Andre and Nat were taken to a baseball game by Alice's parents and the man who gave the Wongler siblings their family name. Alice did feel proud of Carmen for realizing that little mundane detail of everyday life at only eleven years of age. Carmen has always been a bit cold in that way. Like her brain worked in a different way than most others. Alice often wondered, if Carmen was born into a wealthy family who actually cared about her and let her be a child, what kind of person she would have been… Probably not that different, she was always the same, no matter what age she was, she was just so… Carmen. Someone who was fully formed since day one, always knew what she wanted, always knew how she'd get it and what her duty was alongside it all. Alice often wondered if it was a good thing she was so mature, or if it was a sign of a deeper pain than anyone would ever know of…

'The usual. She wants to be popular, and she forgets to have morals in the process.'

'Agh… Yikes! Imagine me trying to befriend Amber!' Nora full body cringed at the idea.

Alice giggled 'Yeah. Goes to show how different our priorities are.' She looked down melancholically, and Nora Puffed out her cheeks in displeasure.

The only sign Alice had before she went into a tirade.

'I hate people sometimes! And I hate saying that, cuz' like, duh!' Nora began while successfully synchronizing her laptop with the TV. 'Most people do, but I'm a people person! I love hanging out, and talking, and shopping and going out! Just… I love people! So when they hurt me, I feel betrayed, which is stupid, human being are simply built like this. Either we are hurting in our private life so we cause trouble outside, or we are bored so we cause trouble outside. Everybody knows this. But FUCK it's frustrating, because…' She began pouting in earnest when the laptop screen froze, and the TV screen suddenly went black. 'Hold on a sec.'

Alice smiled slightly, getting up to check on her own pizza, which was still in the oven. Deciding it was cooked enough, she turned off the oven, and pulled on the miffs to take it out safely. Nora, a few feet away, seemed to fix the issue, if the "AHA!" she let out was any indication. Alice plated the melting pizza and carried it to the coffee table along a few drinks they accidently left on the kitchen counter. Nora continued her monologue while Alice took a slice of pizza off Nora's plate and raised it to the younger girl's mouth.

'I think I give a lot to people! I help when they ask, and remind them frequently that they CAN ask, without butting in incase they think I'm being too much, so when they suddenly, after knowing me' she took a bite mid monologue 'Mmmhmm. Thanks!' She pressed down hard on the laptop keyboard in her anger, which Alice desperately wanted to laugh at. 'They've known me since écoles maternelles, they KNOW things about me I didn't even WANT to tell them, and even after all that we've been through all these years, they still choose to believe her, over me! They've known her, only since she moved here during collège! They know Nathaniel since écoles maternelles as well, never once did he commit anything as brutal as she made it seem.' She quieted down for a moment, typing slowing down, until they fully stopped, and Alice suddenly shivered, knowing exactly were Nora's thought process was going.

The younger girl continued 'Sure he picked on his sister, but he was a child! I think kids do things for good reason, maybe mommy and daddy favored Amber, so he took it out on her? Maybe daddy abused him so he abused Amber? I mean, I don't remember that time very well… But he's been…' She softened up near the end, looking far away.

Alice didn't need a reminder of that time, it wasn't explained to her when it was happening, but she could more or less pick up on it naturally. Kids know when something's wrong, especially when it's as obvious as that was. When she asked her aunt where her uncle disappeared to she got a tight smile in response. When she asked her parents they slapped her and told her not to ever mention it again. When she asked Carmen a few years later, she got the answer she expected, and more. That man wasn't arrested though, he was simply thrown out. He didn't show his face again though… Well, maybe he has. Carmen and Andre might have had something to do with it, they were the most protective. Carmen because she was the eldest, and Andre because he was the only boy. He simply couldn't handle the thought of his sisters in danger.

Slapping back into focus, Alice's mind came to a halt… Nathaniel's been what..?

'Nathaniel's been what?' She asked softly. Seeking out Nora's blank expression. The other girl looked up but her eyes seemed unfocused.

'Acting off…' She whispered, and actually managed to look into Alice's eyes after. She smiled, more present and began listing nervously 'Flinching at raised voices, or sudden movements… Being touched makes him go tense… I saw a bruise on his back the other day; he said he fell down the stairs…' She quieted down at that, and took a moment to put her thoughts in order. Alice only put a hand on the younger's.

Nora seemed to appreciate the comfort because she continued on. 'I didn't really think much of it, but seeing Carmen after her shift ended made me remember that time that man beat her up after she insulted him for yelling at Baby Nathalie. She lied to the teachers that she fell down the stairs after tripping on Nathalie's rattle. She often made the excuse that she tripped on our toys and banged "insert body" part against the nearest furniture. The homeroom teacher seemed to let it go, my mother almost got them fired once she learned… I know it's stupid and probably nothing, but I don't want to be that teacher… You know?'

'I don't think it's stupid at all! I mean, you already went through that shit, I think it's natural to be concerned! He can't blame you for wanting to help either.' Alice pointed it out, trying to be a voice of reason she doubted she was.

'Yeah, but… Obviously child protective services can't be called… It often makes things worse…' Nora looked at Alice uncertainly, and for once, she truly looked fifteen.

Alice felt a surge of protectiveness in her whole body, and she knew she was ready to fight alongside her if she needed to.

'You guys are dating, and were in general friends before that, right?' Nora nodded slowly, 'Well you could have him move in with you guys! Castiel lives alone, and if you threaten Nathaniel's rich daddy with you ruining his reputation if he won't let it, it might just save Nat a lot of heart ache.' It sounded good in theory, but she knew it wasn't a fool proof plan. Still it got Nora to look less hopeless, so it wasn't completely useless.

'I like that idea… I'll try to talk to him.' Her smile turned into a wide goofy grin 'He's coming here tomorrow!' Alice smiled too, happy for Nora 'I plan to spend the day with him here, just chilling… might even sneak him upstairs~ unless you mind–'She began looking away from Alice teasingly, while the older sighed.

'I can sleep at Laeti's–'

'Ohthank youthank youTHANK YOU–'

Needless to say, Alice got smothered by a happy blue sweater. She didn't mind, though, melting into the couch and becoming a part of it, while Nora rambled about her boyfriend.

---

'You like anime?' Asked Nora once she finished the pizza, standing up and running to her aunt's and uncle's liquor cabinet, getting ready to pick the lock like a fiend.

'Um… I watched one with Laeti…' Said Alice while trying to finish her pizza. She tried to remind herself of the starving children in other countries, but that simply made her feel bad for eating at all. It felt like wasting food on a useless body that would die soon anyway, while innocent kids who actually wanted to live, were dying of hunger.

'Which one?' Asked Nora, clearly in a cloud of happiness after eating a full pizza by herself. Oh look though Alice, I don't even have to look at other countries… Nora wasn't really an anime fan, but she did watch a few on occasion- well, often, but she didn't consider herself a fan, since she never actually got involved with fandoms besides the occasional fanfic. She didn't feel like she had the right to give critique on things she didn't properly invest time in.

She learned that lesson after going into a fandom of a superhero anime where she stated a negative opinion on a popular ship and the main character, just for the fans to explain to her the things she didn't understand, thanks to language barrier, and barely paying attention while doing homework. Once explained she finally understood the appeal and decided she wouldn't be as rude as she was before. Going into fandom spaces just to spread negativity is a shitty thing to do, was something she realized when she heard people shit talk her favorite show of all time, without really understanding what it was about.

So she had a wide knowledge on what existed and was called a good show, but she wasn't really a part of anything seriously.

Alice on the other hand knew even less on these things. She prided herself for having a good media-literacy, but other than that, she never really watched anything. Lately she hasn't really done a lot in general besides studying, but that was becoming more difficult as of late as well.

She tried hard to remember the name of Laeti's all-time favorite anime, (and the only she watched really) but couldn't for her life remember it.

'Um… It was about volleyball? She wants to fuck a guy named Kuro…'

Nora snorted, and glanced back at her with a spiteful expression on her face.

'Haikyuu? Really? Laeti?'

Alice burst out laughing.

'Yeah. You know, since she started hanging with the cheerleaders and Jocks and shit.' She waved slightly while she explained, rolling her own eyes. She loved Laeti, but this part of her would always irk her slightly.

'Would have expected Rent A Girlfriend or an Ecchi from her, not a sports anime with zero fanservice~' She continued picking the lock, finally hearing a click. 'YES BITCH! I'M A FUCKING QUEEN!' She danced around in victory as Alice clapped at her success.

'I'm not going to ask what an Ecchi is, but I do know Rent A Girlfriend. Appearantly its bad?'

'Eh' Nora shrugged as she brought out a bottle of whiskey 'Depends whose watching… I prefer Shounen, more gay ships'

Alice blinked, but decided to stay silent as Nora poured her a glass.

'Anything else?' Her cousin asked again, after she poured a glass for herself too, and took a sip grimacing but downing it all right after. Alice cringed for two reasons.

'Um… I watched Naruto-'

'Because of Carmen and Andre convincing you and me when we were six~' Nora said condescendingly.

Alice pouted 'Yeah, and I hated it. So I haven't watched anything since, until Laeti of course.'

Nora looked curiously at her from the side, taking the remote into her hand. 'You never said why you hated it so much? I mean it's heavily flawed, but it's the most watched anime in the world for a reason. Was. It was, the new one is One Piece… Yikes.' She said as she stared at her phone screen where she quickly googled it. 'I don't get One Piece fans, it's so ugly-'

'So is Haikyuu, it's clearly not the art they like.' Mumbled Alice, 'And don't insult it, Ken liked it!'

Nora rolled her eyes 'Yeah, it is predominantly watched by men. I hate what they did to the women as adults, I just do. It literally turned me off from the show, and I was only thirteen while watching, it shouldn't have had such an effect on me.'

'Yeah, so same shit with Naruto, just, nothing changed there. All the characters were unlikable to me since the first watch. Naruto is stupid and an asshole. Sakura is called smart, but lacks basic empathy at twelve which I had at six and is a cunt. Sasuke is also a cunt, but even worse, and Kakashi does nothing to help them that actually matters, is a perv, and an annoying condescending prick.'

Nora looked shocked by her admission and began to squint at her like she was trying to crack the code deeply hidden in math.

'Have you ever watched past the chunning exams?'

'Not in this life or any other.' Alice felt herself frown more and more as Nora kept squinting at her. 'I will bang your head against the glass part of the coffee table.' She let the younger know kindly, making her burst into high pitched laughter.

'Yes mommy! Please!'

'NORA!'

---

'I still think Naruto is a kinder dude than you give him credit! Sakura was a kid, so was Sasuke and Kakashi has been through hell and back, so did both Naruto and Sasuke. My issues come from Shippuden more than the original personally.'

'Good for you.' She gritted out with crossed arms as she began to feel the alcohol take effect. Nora smiled cheekily.

'However, we are watching something very different today. I wanted the perfect drunk watch!' She clapped her hands enthusiastically and began setting up the show, covering Alice's eyes from seeing the title.

Alice sighed through her nose, and let herself go a little. 'What are you forcing on me?' The answering grin made her groan 'NOT A HENTAI, I'm serious!' Nora took her hands away as Alice turned her head to rest on the couches backrest.

'Oh, no! It has no actual sex, but it comes close.' She giggled 'It has vampires~ because I know you love them~' She sung sarcastically.

Alice rolled her eyes to the ceiling 'I hate you.'

'Love you too!' Nora answered becoming more tipsy by the second as she downed another glass.

'Slow down!' Alice reminded her, as Nora pressed one last button on her laptop, the thing started to play, and Alice began to feel upset after only a minute as the awful CGI became apparent. After another minute she whispered 'What the fuuuuuck~'

Nora grinned at her when the opening theme began playing. 'We are watching Diabolik Lovers~ Aren't you excided?'

'I want to die.' She answered whole heartedly, her only saving grace being the episodes shortness.

---

Waking up to Nora's snoring was a pleasant surprise, since I seemed to completely forget in my dreams that the other girl was there. Of course, my parents made a racket as they stepped inside the house, but I quickly fell unconscious again with my arms around my cousin.

Nora and I fell asleep about the same hour my parents came home, and the two adults seemed to think, luckily, that we simply fell asleep on the couch while watching a movie. We only began shutting our eyes by four in the morning, which ended up being the reason for why I felt so dead on my feet, the second time I woke up, as I wandered into the bathroom to take a piss. My head ached the slightest bit, though not enough to really be an issue, since I was pretty careful with my water intake during the drunk-watch.

Nora, the psychopath, was absent however, probably meeting her boyfriend at the train station, as I noticed I was all alone. It surprised me how angry and irritable I felt waking up that morning. I admit I was a bit angry at her for not waking me up, but I didn't think it was necessarily just her that annoyed me. I mean, I'm pretty irritable on a good day, so it's not like she was the only possible thing that could have pissed me off. I had a faint memory of my dream, which was pretty weird as it was, and it usually pissed me the hell off. My dreams were always fucking weird, and it irked me so bad, I just couldn't keep it off my face.

As I washed my hands and brushed my teeth, the idea that I should check the time, completely slipped my mind. I remember leaving the bathroom to go to my room and brush my hair, put on my clothes and go the fuck to school as usual, but I nearly bumped into my mother.

Who looked like she just woke up. Which meant it was probably an hour or two before lunch. Which meant I was late for school. Which meant I was royally fucked.

It was always funny to me though, how moments as trivial as this, always got my parents into a whirlwind, they started attacking the thing that pissed them off, and then everything else about me they hated. Every single time. It was honestly an art form how well they mastered playing the fucking victim. What a horrible daughter I am.

My father yelled about my education and my looks that would never attract a normal man, and that I was ugly and looked tainted and my thighs were so ugly because how dare women have stretch marks if before pregnancy, like that was the only acceptable cause and shit. How I needed to think about my future in a realistic way, and all the things, mind you these things were the stuff I wanted years ago before my depression made me realize they would never fucking happened, that I wanted would never be and stop being a child Alice, so immature, and that I'm like the rest of my stupid generation and bla bla bla.

Of course when I yelled back that they didn't even fucking know anything about me, why the fuck can't they just not assume I'm what they hate? My mom comes in and yells that, they don't know anything about me because I don't speak to them, which is funny, because they never fucking ask me what I'm doing or what's on my mind. Of course she had a fucking answer to that too, how is she supposed to ask me? I don't know bitch, use your mouth maybe? Your vocal cords?

I do not get to have opinions on their opinions because I haven't lived as long as them and have less experience. Why do boomers assume that just because someone is young, it's not allowed for our brains to be functional? They can call me stupid for not agreeing with their every word, but I can't even silently disagree in my own mind. I have never said anything about them. I let them know I don't agree, and apparently that's too aggressive, they aren't of course, yelling at me ain't aggressive, me giving the same volume is me being a disrespectful asshole, I'm a terrible person. How dare I, truly how dare I.

Why are they surprised then? I don't get to have opinions but I have them, what to do then? I don't just share them out of nowhere because I want some amount of peace in this god forsaken house. That's wrong of me. Okay, I share my opinion then. That's wrong too. I don't share but I say I have them, that's wrong too. You do it, it's wrong, you don't do it it's wrong, it would only ever not be wrong if you were their little puppet who shuts the fuck up unless they ask, and you say exactly what they want to hear.

Apparently my mother thinks it's her duty to let me know that I am wrong, because that will fucking change anything. Her issue is that I can't be swayed by her or my father and that is a horrible sin. But they can't be swayed either, so I don't know what she fucking expects. Hypocrite.

When I stopped reacting, that was the issue. I'm the immature one, for not wanting to have an hours long screaming match that doesn't get a resolution. I'M IMMATURE for wanting to just keep the peace in the house I share with my own parents. I guess I must be a huge burden on them and they don't know how to let me know in any other way, because I don't see any logical reason besides it. Unless they enjoy making me want to kill myself. They must enjoy hurting me, because they do nothing but force things on me I don't want, and then attack me when I show any sign that I'm an individual, not an extension of them.

I had enough.

I locked my room to let them know I'm not available, but they still went on and on outside. I put on my clothes and tried to clean up the room as much as I could. I also unlocked it silently when they were busy yelling from their room, so that Nora and Nat could come inside. I also left the key at an obvious place, so that they could use it.

I jumped out the window and narrowly missed the empty pool. I wouldn't have minded landing inside.

I called Laeti to ask if she had my stuff by chance and if I could crash at her place, but she wasn't the person who picked up.

'He~ey Alice~!' My temper stayed as angry as I was previously. I kind of blamed her for this whole fight. If she fucking woke me, I wouldn't have been here. 'Nora speaking,~ Laeti can't come to the phone right now, she's busy fucking!' My lips still twitched, and I knew that my anger was misdirected. This fight would have happened one way or another. They always did no matter how hard I tried to stop them. It wasn't her fault.

'How are you allowed inside the school?' I asked her in exasperation. I heard her laugh on the other side.

'I have my ways~' Which probably meant she pretended she was a student there or flirted with a teacher. The idea that Lucien looked at my cousin like that made my blood boil, but I also couldn't care less. If he tries to bang Nora, he would learn why she was dangerous.

'Nat had to meet up with his aunt for a moment. We bumped into her at the store while buying drinks and she screeched about how she hadn't seen the twins in ages, and how he grown so, and was Ambre also this beautiful now? Bleh! She wanted to baby him a bit.' Nora continued, voice light, chattering on.

'So I decided to meet you here to have lunch together, but you aren't here and Laeti said you weren't in all morning and I regret not waking you, cause you probably over slept and all… I'm sorry~!' She mumbled shyly, and I felt nothing.

'No sweat Nora, I'll be at school in thirty.' I hung up and began to walk at a fast pace to school.

I wanted to kill myself since I became aware, unnecessary inconveniences only served to remind me it was the correct path. The few things about yourself that makes you proud are useless because your own parents tell you that what you love about yourself isn't true, you aren't and even if it is, it's not enough. Which is good, no one loves you who would truly care, so no one will be hurt when you die. Your grades are dropping, which just means you are as dumb as a rock, so you definitely won't change the world. Other people think you are dumb too, which is good, it makes you aware you aren't the only person who believes this. You have no talents that matter, as they all say, so you know you really don't have a place here, not even among the people who you share your talents with. You will be easily forgotten.

The little things that make you happy never last too long, it just proves you were never meant to be happy. And after a while, the big things that deserve happiness also feel like there's an underlining of melancholia within them. And after a while, you only feel sad that you are still here. When nothing makes you happy anymore, but you so don't feel sad or hurt anymore, that's when you know, there's no going back. And once you realize how nothing has any meaning, that's when you realize it's time.

You will probably die by your own hand, one way or another, and you won't be the first or last. So really, you aren't special at all. We only care about suicidal people after they died after all. Only dying makes people think you're special, it gives them reason to care, since they didn't have any before it. Being a human being is so interesting.

I stood before the doors of the front of my school, not remembering how I got there.

It doesn't matter Alice.

I walked inside along the bustle of the students, my peers, but all of their faces and voices were a blur. Insignificant.

Lucien's face was a blur in my mind as well. Insignificant.

My parents and their faces. Insignificant.

Laeti's face in my mind blurred as well. Insignificant.

Nora's face blurred in my mind. Insignificant.

Time used to move slower, but as I grew, it steadily began to race past me, until everyone passed me by and left me behind. I wasn't strong enough to keep up with it all. I felt like I was nothing and would never be anything. That was strangely comforting. I'd only have to kill this body, and my soul, already withered with time, could turn to dust in the wind, being carried and scatter everywhere until I was nothing but the particles in the air and slowly, I truly turned to nothing, as no part of me would remain intact. Until I finally reached the state I long for. Where everything was silent, even my mind that never shut off and yet never had the ability to come up with a coherent thought.

Is it wrong of me to just want silence? To just want to not have to do all this? I didn't ask to be brought into this world, why did everyone always act like I somehow did? Why was I given responsibilities I didn't ask for, had expectations put on me? Why was it a given that, I, as an individual, had to act like other individuals and that it was wrong to not do so? And if I'm not an individual, or don't have the right to be, why is it wrong of me to not want to be here? If I have no right to have thoughts and opinions, why am I expected to be happy? I already want to die, why add more reasons to why I do? I never went out of my way to hurt the people who hurt me, I don't think I'm the worst person, I'm definitely not a good one, but come on!

Why did society make it so hard to be able to kill yourself? Why is it wrong and selfish to not want to be in pain? Why can't I just not wake up in the morning and die in my sleep? Make the world a better place by not existing, since I'm so horrible.

Maybe the higher power enjoyed this, watched it like a movie, and I was one of the background characters that taught the lesson, "Hey, this person bad! Don't be this person!" the pathetic suicidal girl in the back everyone always hated everywhere you look, because she's sensitive and because she's a girl. Two reasons to be hateful and cruel, she deserves it after all, how dare she be in pain when everyone else is too and how dare she not be strong enough to take it like everyone else.

Or perhaps there was nothing at all, and I was right all along about how everything was meaningless.

I opened my locker and put away my bag before I dissociated and stared at the mostly empty and bare inside of my metal container. This was something a kind of liked about the meaningless. Not being fully aware so I didn't have to deal with everything.

However, even then, Nora's striking hair always caught my attention, and those waves almost smacked me across the face, as she ran up to me like a little kid happy to see an animal.

'He~ey!' Nora sung, putting her arms around me in a warm hug, squeezing me tightly.

From the outside, that was a normal greeting between friends, but I knew that Nora always hated hugs. I felt a faint warmth in my chest, like a spark trying to light a campfire, at the knowledge that she noticed my mood. I felt an actual flame come to life when she didn't ask me or push me about my mood. She only began to chatter as a distraction.

'So~ Laeti gave me her bag, so I have your clothes and we can go and change in the girls' bathroom!' She cheered as slammed by locker door shut, 'Oh I'm so excited to see your new style!' She squealed before she grabbed my arm with a sweet grin and began pulling me along. It seemed Nora successfully built a positive reputation during the hour she spent walking the halls, because I noticed students look at her with amused and fond smiles.

I admire her for her ability to do all that, but I hated the attention so fucking much.

'My bestie, Rosalya, got herself a new boyfriend Leigh, he's kinda weird, but nice, he owns a boutique, and thought it's still rather unknown, I admire his dedication to do whatever he wants, you know. He dropped out of high school to do this by the way, he'd be a grade above yours and stuff-' She chattered as we slammed the door to the restroom open and quickly went inside. Well, she ushered me inside, more like, and she completely ignore Melina and her goons as the popular girl dabbed at her eyes with a tissue to keep her makeup from smudging under her tears.

I had a feeling Melina was whining about me and what I did to her yesterday and how cruel I am, and how cruel Monsieur Blanchet is for letting me and how this is the end of her life. Nora didn't even glance at them as Melina sighed dramatically with a single tear falling from her eyes, making her goons panic and try to console her.

'Oh my god! I just can't, I simply can't take this-' She gulped while fanning herself with her hand as her goons tried to fix her makeup, which was no longer perfect.

Pulling me into the last and biggest stall, Nora locked the door, still chattering about her friends, not even wasting a single glance at the popular girls. It seemed Nora truly made herself at home during that one hour she spent at my school, since she was able to locate without issue which restroom had this stall.

Once inside I instantly began to undress not wanting the filth my parents brought me to stain my skin any longer, as she still continued to chatter, while she pulled out my outfit for me, holding it out for me once I had all my clothes off. I didn't want their influence on myself, I didn't want to have anything to do with them at all.

Nora fell quiet as she took me in, her eyes ignoring my arms as she was familiar with them for years now. Her gaze was on my stomach and thighs, unwavering as her smile, which never went away, turned more stony, more fake. I slowly covered my scarred too thin body with the clothes I actually felt comfortable in. Her bi colored eyes lit up as she took me in, this time in my preferred style, a wide grin growing on her face as I tied my boots and finally straightened before her with my own timid smile.

My outfit was dark in color, and hers was pastel, mine grunge, hers skater. We looked so different, but it felt like we matched so well.

Nora bounced in place before her grin turned mischievous and she held out an arm for me to hold onto. I took it, and she unlocked the stall door, as she guided me out of the restrooms like a fine gentleman. We didn't react to Melina or her goons or their death glares, to my peers and their stares or the loud bustle of the cafeteria. We just sat at a bench and ate our fruit cups that she brought in the beginning of lunch. Not caring felt good.

She didn't fix my mood, but she made it more bearable. I didn't feel as helpless to the wind as before. Nora Wongler was what I needed, I think. A little blessing before I took my own life. She'd make me feel like my life was worthwhile with her love for my presence and I'd delude myself for only a little while that things could be okay. They wouldn't be. But I could act like they would just for a bit. She wasn't overprotective, or apathetic. She didn't ask, she acted, and she didn't make me feel bad for being sad, ever. She accepted and she liked me anyway. I loved this girl so very much, my letter to her was already slipped into her bag before we left the cafeteria.

As she continued guiding me outside, lunch being almost over and all, I noticed her fidget slightly, since Nathaniel still didn't text or call.

'Still nothing?' I asked her as we stepped before my locker. She seemed to snap out of her thoughts and she instantly brightened as she looked at me.

'Yeah… I hope his aunt didn't kill him!' She leaned closer to my ear to whisper conspiratorially making me chuckle with a closed lipped smile.

'I'm sure she knows you'd know. If he goes missing, he had a badass GF to go apeshit on his behalf~' I opened my locker to reclaim my bag from it, while she giggled.

'Well, she fucking better! It would be dumb of her to when she knows I'm here!' She flipped her hair dramatically, and I felt a wave of fondness, though still muted.

Right then, I heard Nora's phone buzz in her pants' baggy pocket.

'Right on cue!' She exclaimed as I closed my locker and turned fully towards her, noticing how the hallway, although still packed, began to empty.

As I looked around analyzing my surroundings, I noticed how Melina was acting extra lovey-dovey with Miel, and I felt a slight wave epicaricacy wash over me. She deserved worse than what I have planned for her for the way she treated Ken, but I wasn't dumb. She was useful to me if I'd ever decide to continue living, so I needed to play her right.

Before I could get lost in thought, I heard a soft hiss coming from next to me, and I snapped my head in Nora's direction as her face slowly fell blank.

'Oh.' She let out an annoyed sigh, before she typed something back, before she put her phone away.

I felt suddenly out of my dept with her, but I wasn't about to ignore her own darker mood.

'What's up?' I felt dread crawl up my spine, making me fidget with my sleeves and the strap of my bag.

She let out a dark chuckle, before she smiled at me with a dark stare. 'Apparently, we'll have to go home today after all.' She leaned her back against the row of lockers as she looked down at me with an empty expression. 'His aunt tattled that he's here with me. His parents aren't happy.' She growled 'Fucking cunt. Can't even let him have one nice day with me.' She muttered and her hand fidgeted in a way that made me assume she was itching for a smoke.

I knew she tried to leave that habit behind though, so I put my hand on her arm and made her snap her gaze back at me, which seemed to lighten at my gentle smile. It was hard to fake that smile though, as my own blood pressure rose to the roof when I heard her say that, but I knew my anger was not what was needed. Nat's parents were like mine, which meant there was nothing we could do then fake it till we moved out and drop all contact once we moved far enough away.

'Well, better spend it with him while you can! Plus, maybe as a little "fuck you" to them you could push it. As long as you get home today, they can't complain.' I reminded with a devilish smirk which her own face slowly began to mirror.

'Oh yeah! I'm only getting our asses through his front door just a few minutes before midnight. His ma and pa can both suck it.'

I nodded and Nora grinned before she took a deep breath. Nora seemed to shake off her negative emotions, at least the ones that showed outside, and she took my hand like we were kids again. 'I need to get Laeti her bag back! Come with me?' I nodded, and she grinned before she started to skip back down the hall as I tried to keep up with an exasperated eye roll.

---

Finding Laeti was difficult. She always loved taking her sweet ass time with the boys, and she never fucked in the same place twice. It was actually pure luck we managed to bump into her dumbass, as she was in the middle of exiting an empty classroom, looking disheveled and blazed.

Dumbfuck.

Once she noticed us, she grinned, clearly still half in the clouds, before she finally registered her surroundings, clearing her throat and waving goodbye to her fucktoy. Nora snorted as she walked up to us with a limp and I couldn't really blame my cousin. On a good day, I also would have laughed at that, but this wasn't a good day, and I felt like snapping my own neck. Good for her and all, but I just couldn't understand.

'Sup' ladies!' Laeti cheered, voice slightly scratchy, making me want to pour wax in my ears.

'Hi.' I said in a clipped way, trying to be friendly and welcoming but failing. Of course Nora wasn't offended on Laeti's behalf, and Laeti didn't notice in her haze.

As Laeti readied herself for a hug, Nora dropped the bag in Laeti's hand 'Bag!' she said cutely as Laeti stared at it, not comprehending for a full ten seconds before she had her eyes widen. She grinned up at us with cloudy eyes.

'Right, thank you!' Laeti sung, putting the strap of her bag over her own shoulder.

As the two girls started their conversation, I dissociated, busy staring at the guy Laeti just screwed. He was a jock I recognized. He was one of the people who hurt Ken a few years back and I felt my eyebrow twitch before I schooled my expression. The guy was busy texting on his phone, looking satisfied with himself. The pathetic fuck was probably raving about getting pussy and his buddies were definitely cheering him on about it. Irritating but not a crime, unless he talked shit about Laeti or shared private information on her.

Tuning back to Laeti and Nora didn't help my sorry state either, as I felt out of the loop again.

'-you know?' Nora continued vehemently as she usually did. 'Like, why act like it's wrong to have a basic bitch room? If you like the decor to look basic, and you feel comfy in there, that's totally fine, why are these people attacking others for such a stupid reason?' She sulked, stomping her feet childishly, trying to look less threatening, knowing how bad she could scare people if she didn't downplay her seriousness. 'If I want pictures of my friends to hand on the wall above my bed along fairy lights, then that's what the fuck I'll do!'

Laeti nodded, fully invested in my cousin's words, as Nora continued her speech about… I don1t even know… People's rights to be basic bitches?

'I think it's cringier to have tiktok leds hanging in every corner, pretending you are famous on a site literally made so that everyone can have their two minutes of fame. You are not special, you are obnoxious.' She folded her arms across her chest as Laeti finally was granted the temporary silence to talk.

'You're very passionate about this! But I also own tiktok leds…' She tried chiding gently, but Nora, ever so fiery, started her passionate rambling fresh.

'I wasn't talking 'bout you Laeti! You don't make fun of people for their room!' She pouted and Laeti giggled.

'I do make fun of basic bitches though~' She pointed it out, words full of sass, as my attention began to waver once more.

'Well yeah, lacking individuality as a person does suck, but your room is just a room, especially if you live with your parents still!' Nora nodded along like it made total sense, but by then I didn't process what was said, as my gaze found that boy again, who was still on his phone with a smirk.

My attention snapped back onto the conversation happening next to me, as Laeti, though it wasn't uncommon, I don't know why I was so surprised, said something out of pocket.

'True, I'd have sex toys in every corner as decoration if I owned a house, but obviously I can't with my mom, and her one night stands around, they might use them and that's gross.' Laeti nodded, voice incredibly serious as Nora stopped for a second as the words processed in her mind.

Nora's silence made me wonder if perhaps my taste in friends was a bit questionable, but then I remembered the type of people the three of us were, and I abandoned that thought quickly.

Nora nodded finally, looking somehow respectful and proud 'I love that for you, not gonna lie!'

At the loud bang that reverberated along the emptying hall, we all snapped or gazes towards Laeti's latest hookup.

'What the hell is your problem dude?! I don't even know you!' He yelled from the floor, like he was pushed against the lockers and fell.

Rolling my eye I took in the scene, as the boy who stood before him was towering over with a nasty dark look in his eyes, face bland. He was handsome, wearing a black muscle shirt under a white open button up, cargo pants with some kind of necklace and black fingerless gloves. After I stared at him for just a moment longer, my eyes slowly widening as I analyzed him, my jaw dropped open, and my breath got stuck in my throat.

'What's up four eyed freak?' Laeti asked him, as she seemed to come to the same conclusion as I. Nora let out a soft disapproving sound, but I couldn't speak up on his behalf, as he slowly turned our direction.

'Oh great, it's the cheap hooker-' He muttered loudly, making Laeti pout like he just insulted her, even though she was never offended by insults like that before. I think in a more hidden corner of her mind, she like being insulted, that fucking sub.

He was taller, and though still thin, he was much more muscular than before. His hair seemed lighter, like the sun bleached it over relentless time he spent underneath it, messy, with bangs almost as choppy as mine.

'Who are you calling cheap? I'm an expensive hoe! I look great in the glammer!' She dramatically flipped her hair, pushing out her chest as she got ready to boast, but he beat her to it, face indifferent, but eyes burning with anger as he remembered every time she wronged him.

'I look great in my glasses.' He pointed out, which I agreed with, but Laeti made a disbelieving sound in the back of her throat.

'Laeti! Be nice for fucks sake, you haven't seen him in ages!' Nora demanded, smiling at him with glee, truly happy to see him again. She didn't look surprised though, which made me realize she probably knew he was here somehow.

She had her ways as she said.

His freckles were tragically gone, but his eyes were still the same striking green as before. He didn't have the familiar bowl cut or too big glasses. He wasn't wearing cute snuggly sweaters and he didn't look like an adorable geek, but I knew him.

I know him.

His eyes, his voice, his gestures, his ticks, his habits, his opinions, his gentleness, his sensitive heart, his courage and the unfair way he was treated, yet he forgave everyone every time. His tears as he begged for my honesty while asking if he'd ever be good enough, or if he was destined to be hated by his dad, who couldn't accept the beautiful kind boy he was, and wanted to change him into someone he wasn't.

He was my Ken.

And this boy was standing there with Ken's posture, his hands, his green eyes and surprisingly sharp jawline. He spoke with Ken's voice and reacted to Ken's ticks.

He was my ken!

But he wasn't.

He changed.

And as he locked eyes with me, I felt an empty gaping hole open inside my chest, bigger than the previous one and more hollow and dark.

His gaze wasn't warm when he looked my way. My sight didn't make him happy. It was the opposite in fact.

He looked at me like I wronged him too somehow, and that made me want to die even more.

---

NA/Well that was fucking long. Hope you enjoyed?