A/N Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read and comment - so very appreciated as always!
Chandler was on cloud nine as he followed Joey into the girls' apartment the following morning and was struggling hard to disguise his euphoria.
He had peeled himself grudgingly from Monica's amorous embrace and crept back to his own bedroom before daybreak, but even after spending those few agonizing hours hours away from her, he was still completely breathless from the rapturous night they had spent together.
When it came to romance, Chandler had often struggled to feel self-assured, despite his easy smile, quick wit and undeniable good looks. Whenever he had embarked upon a new physical relationship with a woman, his prevailing emotion had been one of terror, anxious as he was that he would fail to impress or even satisfy. His confidence in his own abilities had improved somewhat during his long term relationship with Kathy, and he had come to think of himself as attentive and relatively capable in the bedroom, if not wildly accomplished or athletic. He had, however, always worried that things had felt somewhat methodical and conventional between the two of them, and he had never fully managed to escape the idea that this might have been what had compelled her to be unfaithful with her muscular and dashing co-star. But even so, he would have described their sex life as gratifying for the most part, and he was relatively sure that Kathy would have said the same.
Last night with Monica, however, had been an altogether different kind of adventure, and Chandler had felt reborn; completely unrecognizable from the insecure and irresolute lover he had been before. There had been no time for crippling nerves or over-thinking: Just as soon as he had felt confident that Monica had truly wanted to take this next physical step as wholeheartedly as he did, coherent thought had completely given way to intuition, and the two of them had come together in a way that had felt raw, instinctual and utterly exhilarating. With Monica, Chandler had discovered a whole new level of fulfillment that he could not previously have even imagined existed, and he had found himself wholly, hopelessly beguiled and intoxicated by her.
Knowing how much trust Monica was putting in him had heightened all of Chandler's senses: He had found himself headily and acutely tuned into her, innately aware of her every need and desire, primed to react instantly, to even the slightest hint of hesitation on her part. But her response to him had been anything but hesitant.
Chandler had always found Monica to be breathtakingly attractive, so it came as no huge surprise for him to find that he could not get enough of her; it was her reaction to him that had completely blown his mind. The wild ardor in her eyes; the sounds that emerged from her lips, elicited by his touch; he had been left in no doubt that her desire for him paralleled his own for her. No woman had ever responded to him as she had, and he could still not quite comprehend or believe it.
The profound emotional attachment the two of them shared was probably what had helped them keep their relationship on a purely platonic level for so many years: Both had always assumed that any breach of that sacred boundary of friendship might feel strange, wrong or uncomfortable. But ironically, it was this deep, heartfelt bond that now allowed them to cast aside all inhibitions and love each other without reticence or artifice. Their chemistry was mind-alteringly explosive; their connection intense and pure. Nothing about last night had felt routine or formulaic; every touch, kiss and caress had been spontaneous, instinctive and visceral; and quite unlike anything either of them had ever experienced before.
Chandler's eyes sought her out hungrily the moment he got through the door, and the smile that danced across her face when she met his gaze caused an immediate flutter in his rib cage. The effort required to stop himself from dragging her into a bruising kiss very nearly made his knees buckle.
He could feel a grin of infatuation spreading involuntarily across his face from ear to ear, and Monica's demeanor was equally ecstatic, clearly obvious even to Joey as he remarked with an inquiring smile "Morning Mon! Someone's in a good mood!"
"Well it's a beautiful day!" she explained with a sunny smile and a shrug, "Phoebe thought it might be nice to take a walk in the park and grab some lunch together."
"You guys are welcome to join us..." she added, as she locked eyes with Chandler again from beneath her lashes, her lips curving seductively as he smouldered back at her.
"It is a beautiful day, but it's still pretty cold" Phoebe agreed, seemingly unaware of the violent attraction that crackled between her two friends, "Mon, do you think I could borrow a scarf? Maybe that green one of yours? "
"Sure!" Monica twinkled, beckoning her friend to follow her as she practically skipped, gazelle-like, to her room. Chandler's yearning eyes followed her, utterly entranced.
"Are you OK, Rach?" Joey frowned in concern as his gaze moved to their other friend.
Chandler turned to glance in Rachel's direction too, having barely registered her presence in the room up until that point. He realized quickly that was because he had be unable to tear his love stricken eyes from Monica the entire time.
Rachel was sitting stiffly on the sofa, her eyes steely and her jaw clenched.
"I'm fine" she replied, a little snappily.
Joey raised his eyebrows as he exchanged a mildly startled glance with Chandler. "OK... I'm going to grab a sweater if we're going to the park" he said, keen to avoid engaging with a clearly angry Rachel, and he retreated to his apartment leaving Chandler alone with her.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" Chandler offered tentatively, privately hoping that she would not: He really did not want anything to temper his joyous exhilaration this morning.
But Rachel leaped to her feet and rounded on him instantly, "Don't you dare even start with me Chandler," she hissed furiously, causing his eyes to widen in confusion.
"I have given you the benefit of the doubt up until now, I've turned a blind eye to your late night creeping around, because I thought you were a decent guy and I assumed you were just being her friend. But I am not stupid! I know what I heard last night, and I cannot believe you would take advantage of her like that!"
"Rachel, I swear - " Chandler began to stammer, knowing immediately what she must have heard and unsure of whether to issue a denial or an explanation.
"Don't!" she glowered, "I can't even bear to look at you! Ross is going to kill you for this."
The two were silenced by Monica and Phoebe re-entering the room, perusing a couple of different scarf options.
Chandler moved uneasily towards the kitchen, shell-shocked and wholly unsure of how to deal with Rachel's discovery. He could see Phoebe's inquisitive eyes flitting between the two of them as she immediately sensed the uncomfortable atmosphere in the room and he fought to maintain a neutral expression. He was relieved when Joey also returned to the room and distracted Phoebe with a question. Chandler's head was in such a spin, he found he could not even focus on their words. Rachel, for her part, had moved back to the sofa, her grave eyes staring straight ahead.
Monica's giddiness seemed to have rendered her completely oblivious to any tension and she sashayed towards the kitchen, eager to be closer to Chandler. He suddenly felt Rachel's eyes on him like a hawk as Monica surreptitiously blazed her fingers up the back of his thigh and gave his buttock what she imagined to be a secretive squeeze, flashing him a brief flirtatious glance. Panicked, he looked resolutely ahead, feeling immediately guilty about the bewilderment he knew his lack of response would cause her to feel.
"I uh... need to head back to my place. I forgot something... " he stuttered, scuttling compunctiously for the door.
Monica frowned after him, her former exuberance suddenly quashed by an unpleasant creeping sensation of worry.
Chandler restlessly paced the living room in Apartment 19, knowing full well that Monica would arrive imminently, ready to investigate his strange behavior.
Sure enough she soon appeared, her blue eyes clouded with deep concern "What's the matter?"
"Rachel knows." he informed her bluntly.
"What?"
"She knows about us. She heard us together last night"
"OK..." Monica considered his words with a deep resigned sigh "Well, I suppose that explains how weird she was being this morning."
She eventually offered him a small coquettish smirk, "I guess we were kind of loud..." A hint of lust flared in her eyes as she recalled their enthusiastic love-making. But Chandler did not look amused.
"Look, I'll speak to her, Chandler." She told him comfortingly, sliding her arms around his waist. "It might not be ideal, but it's not the end of the world. I'm sure she won't say anything if I ask her not to."
"She's furious with me!" he told her, his eyes dropping to the floor and his voice becoming low, "She said I'm taking advantage of you".
"Well that's ridiculous!" Monica rolled her eyes dismissively.
"Is it?" Chandler asked quietly, turning his head away from her, ashamed.
Monica frowned as she examined his face, feeling a little panicked now as she began to understand the impact Rachel's words had apparently made. "Of course it is!" she insisted.
Chandler shook his head anxiously and sighed, "You've been through so much, Mon, and this is moving fast. What if you're confused? What if-"
"I'm a grown woman, Chandler, and I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions without consulting Rachel!" she declared hotly. "She hasn't got a clue about what we feel for each other, and honestly, it's none of her business!"
"Who made her the relationship oracle anyway?" she scoffed.
She regarded Chandler's mournful face and managed to bring her rant under control, lifting her hand to stroke his cheek and telling him soothingly "She doesn't know anything, Chandler. Please don't let her freak you out with this. I know exactly what I want, I've never been more sure of anything or anyone in my whole life. And I know that you, more than anybody else, would never take advantage of me."
She guided his chin gently towards her so she could look directly and deeply into his eyes, "I love you." she told him sincerely." And I trust you. Completely."
"I love you too" he responded, his eyes searching hers, desperate to believe that he had not inadvertently coerced her into anything, and that last night was genuinely what it had felt like to him at the time: Absolute and sublime perfection.
She drew him close and kissed him fiercely, desperate to make him forget all about Rachel and her ill-conceived aspersions.
They pulled reluctantly away from each other as they heard voices in the hallway. Monica opened the door to greet Phoebe and Joey.
"Ross is going to meet us in the park and he's bringing Ben." Phoebe told her excitedly, knowing Monica would be over the moon to spend some quality time with her nephew.
"That's great!" she grinned, before asking coolly, "Where's Rachel?"
"She said she had a headache, so she's gonna stay home" Joey told her, looking a little troubled.
Chandler shifted his body awkwardly.
"Good." Monica remarked, looking pointedly at Chandler, relieved that the two of them would escape their friend's scrutiny for one more afternoon at least. "It will do her good to get some rest".
"How's the headache?" Monica cast an austere look in her roommate's direction as she stalked back into her apartment late that afternoon. She knew that her friend had acted with the best of intentions but Monica could not help but feel incensed that in daring to challenge Chandler about their relationship Rachel had managed to make him question the decency of his conduct towards her.
Rachel raised an eyebrow at Monica's discernible aloofness. "I guess Lover Boy told you that I know about the two of you then? Look, I really think we should talk about this, Monica.." Rachel eyed her gravely.
"My relationship with Chandler has nothing to do with you Rachel, and I really don't appreciate you telling the man I love that he's taking advantage of me" Monica responded frostily.
"The man you love? Wow..." Rachel gave an incredulous shake of her head. "Mon, honey, I can understand why it might feel like you're in love with him now. I know Chandler has made himself very available to you, and appeared to be supportive at a time when you're incredibly vulnerable and confused, but it is completely unacceptable for him to be rushing you into any kind of relationship after such a traumatic experience -"
"Don't patronize me Rachel! You don't know anything about me and Chandler!" Monica shouted back at her, enraged. "I could not have gotten through any of this without him. He has been incredible. Perfect in fact. And he has never pressured me, or rushed me into anything, not once! He never would. I'm the one who wanted this all along, it has all been completely my decision."
"You don't have to yell at me Mon. I'm your friend and I'm just worried about you." Rachel told her calmly.
"Well you don't have to worry about me. Not when it comes to him." Monica softened her tone somewhat as she tried to explain, "Look, I know it might seem to you that this has come from nowhere, but I've had feelings for Chandler for a long time now. We tried to stay away from each other, because I was with Pete and he was with Kathy and because everything has been so complicated. But we love each other Rachel, we really do. And he makes me so happy."
"Then why all the secrecy?" Rachel regarded her doubtfully.
"Well, mainly because of the trial" Monica clarified. "I know that if this comes out, it is going to be so much harder for everyone to believe that we weren't having an affair all along. And that will make all of Pete's lies seem more plausible."
"And Chandler knows that too, doesn't he?" Rachel interrupted "And yet he's happy to jump into bed with you, at a time when you're still receiving trauma counseling, in the full knowledge that it could sabotage your case against Pete. I'm sorry honey, but that's not love. That's not even friendship! If he loved you he would have had no problem waiting until the time was right. I cannot tell you how mad I am with him!"
"He wanted to wait! It was me that pushed for this. I can't get through this without him. I need him!" Monica implored.
"You don't need anybody who could take advantage of you at a time like this" Rachel insisted. "The way he has behaved... It's so wrong, Monica!"
Monica shook her head adamantly, her eyes ablaze "There's no point in even trying to talk to you about this, not when you've clearly made your mind up about us. It's a shame really, that you didn't come up with this protective friend routine a little earlier, when I was with someone I actually did need protection from! Do I need to remind you who it was who first encouraged me to go on a date with Pete?"
Rachel looked thoroughly wounded by her words, inhaling deeply and swallowing hard before asking her steadily," What do you think the others will say, Monica? Do you think Phoebe will think differently from me? Do you think Ross will? Your parents?"
Monica looked back at her coolly and gave a defiant shrug. "I really don't care what anybody else thinks about this. I know how I feel about him."
Her boldness soon crumbled though, and her chin began to wobble as she looked into Rachel's solemn eyes to issue a final impassioned warning.
"Don't you dare try to scare him away from me, or make him feel that he has done anything wrong by being there for me. Because, I swear to God, Rachel, if you ruin this for me, I will never forgive you".
She stormed from the apartment without a backward glance desperate to find solace in Chandler's arms.
Chandler was lying on his bed, unsuccessfully trying distract himself from the days events by flicking through a sports supplement Joey had pilfered from Central Perk, when Monica burst dramatically into his room, her face streaked with angry tears.
"It went well with Rachel then?" he asked grimly, dropping his magazine and opening his arms to encourage her into a protective hug.
"It couldn't have gone worse" she fumed, "I actually can't believe her! She completely refused to listen to a word I had to say and seems to think I'm completely incapable of making my own decisions. Ugh! She was so patronizing, Chandler!"
She buried her face into his chest to calm herself a little, eventually looking up at him with doleful eyes "And I said some pretty mean things to her too." she admitted regretfully.
Chandler sighed and squeezed her closer.
"Look Mon, I've been thinking -"
She flew from his arms into a kneeling position at astonishing speed and pointed a forbidding finger at him "Don't!" she warned him, fire in her eyes "Don't say it. Don't even think it! I don't want to take a pause or take a step back from this Chandler -"
"I wasn't going to say that!" he interrupted, grabbing her admonishing finger and bringing it to his lips for a kiss. "I was going to say: She'll get over it. "
"Oh" Monica looked a little embarrassed but curious, and settled back down next to him.
"She will." he insisted, "When the trial is done with, and me and you can finally get on with living our lives like a normal couple..." he took a pause and gave her a teasing look of appraisal ".. Like a relatively normal couple..." he corrected, earning him a jab in the ribs, "Everyone will soon realize that this is real: That we love one another and that we're meant to be together. And nothing else will matter."
She smiled softly, her eyes glistening appreciatively, and she raised her face towards his for a tender kiss.
"I can't wait for that." she whispered, her face longing and wistful for a moment, before a vengeful pout pulled at her lips "And then I can rub Rachel's nose in it, and I'll remind her what an unsupportive, patronizing bitch she was" she grumbled.
Chandler chuckled at her petulance and poked her bottom lip playfully "No you won't. You'll remember that she was a good friend who always had your best interests at heart and just wanted to protect you." he told her gently.
Monica threw him a scowl that quickly dissolved into a wry smirk as she said "Oh OK, Mr Perfect! Trust you to be the voice of reason. I'll remind you of this conversation when Ross has my best interests at heart and pulls his best karate moves on you!" She gave him a demonstrative chop on the arm for good measure.
"Wait... She hasn't told him has she?" Chandler's eyes widened anxiously.
Monica giggled "Please tell me you're not actually scared of Ross's martial arts skills?"
"No way!" he protested, flailing his own arms into an exaggerated karate block, enjoying her amused grin, "I've got some moves of my own you know!"
"Seriously though, it might be wise to ask Rachel to keep this to herself, until you've decided whether or not you're going to speak to your lawyer about it" he suggested sagely.
Monica nodded, her expression suddenly dejected as she stared somberly into space, the anxiety surrounding the trial shrouding her as it descended like a dark cloud. Chandler immediately missed her smile and regretted bringing it up.
"Anyway, I was in the middle of showing you my moves right?" he attempted to resuscitate a little light-hearted banter with another comedic Bruce Lee style display.
She smiled before raising a suggestive eyebrow and telling him coyly, "You know, there were a couple of moves you showed me last night that I wouldn't mind seeing again..."
"Yeah?" he asked delightedly, a cheeky grin spreading across his face. "Okay! .. Plenty more where that came from Geller. What can I tempt you with tonight? Crouching Tiger? Snake style? Grappling? " he reeled off a handful of terms he had a vague idea might relate to martial arts.
Monica squealed and giggled with joy as he playfully flipped her onto her back and began to shower her with affectionate tickles and kisses, all thoughts of Rachel, Ross and the trial soon evaporating from both of their minds.