A/N: me and missy back with another chapter! This one is a bit more taboo than the previous chapter, so keep that in mind if you choose to read! And to those who do read, thank you very much and please please PLEASE leave us a review - it's my birthday tomorrow so if you love me and missy then you'll review hehe ily :)
JACKSON
"We fucking did it!" Cristina's yell is followed by a chorus of cheers, bottles and red plastic cups clinking together all around the living room of Meredith's house. April and I watch from the corner, me perched on the arm of the lounge chair she's in; her cheeks are flushed from the alcohol, and she's got that giddiness that only comes from her chugging a few too many vodka-sodas in a short amount of time.
Her arm extends towards me, waiting for me to tap my cup against hers, and I do; April giggles as she takes a sip of her drink, her eyes linger on me over the lip of her cup. She does this sometimes, stares at me, like she wants to make a move. Like, maybe, she wants me to make a move. We never do, though. She opens her mouth like she's going to say something, but it snaps back shut as a body bumps against my shoulder, and I look up to see Alex.
It's been ten days since that night, and we still haven't spoken about it. I don't know that we ever will. Sometimes I get the sense that April wants to, but for some reason she won't allow herself to. I really shouldn't be surprised - we didn't talk about it the first, and at that time only, night we had slept together.
"Hey," April smiles.
I nod in greeting, as Alex says, "Hi."
We're all struggling to make conversation, or at least I am; April and Alex just stay quiet, awkward, for a few minutes. That same look is on her face again, and I think, maybe with Alex here, she'll say something; maybe it's just me she's hesitant with. But she doesn't. The song changes, and she shoots up off the couch, the imbalance of weight causing it to rock a little, and I get up too before I topple the whole thing over.
"I love this song!" she blurts out, rushing over to where Cristina and Meredith are drunkenly jumping around the floor. They look surprised by her arrival, but shrug it off and all continue dancing, Alex and I watching them.
"She's drunk?" His question comes out more like a statement, but I still answer, "getting there."
Alex doesn't say anything, watching April as he sips from his drink.
"How're you doing?" I ask Alex, not taking my eyes off April as I do.
I see him shrug out the corner of my eye and take another sip of his drink, "Busy," he finally says.
"Yeah, man, I get that; it's been crazy the last couple weeks, huh?" I force a chuckle.
Alex nods along, my frustration growing at his lack of conversation. He's never been very talkative, but he's not mute either; I've noticed him talk with everyone since that night, especially April; he acts almost normal with her, but with me, he's different. It feels like he's avoiding me; we haven't had a conversation or even sat together to eat in these last ten days; if I'm sitting with everyone in the cafeteria, he takes food to go and says he's got patient notes to finish up; if I'm watching a surgery and he comes in the observatory, he ducks back out thinking I won't notice; and, like tonight, if I try to start a conversation with him, he shuts down.
It's like he regrets that night. Or, at least, regrets being with me that night, and I can't understand it. He initiated so much of what happened between us; he touched me, held my hand and dragged it up his jeans, placed me over his crotch and let me touch him. Fuck her good for us. Those words play on a loop in my mind every night before I fall asleep; I see him, with April; his mouth on hers, his hand laced in mine; it replays in my dreams, inescapable.
That night was beyond anything I could've ever imagined happening between the three of us, but fuck, I enjoyed it. I would do it again in a heartbeat. Judging the way Alex is treating me though, I'd say he doesn't feel the same. And I could handle that, I'd never ask him or April for more than they want to give, but I can't handle the way he's icing me out; it feels shitty, and honestly it hurts like hell. We were friends before all this happened, and I had hoped we could stay friends.
"Hey, can we-"
Alex waves at Robbins and walks off before I can get the words out, and my mood is soured for the rest of the night.
I guess friendship is not a possibility then.
It's been two weeks since we took the boards, and work has been nonstop. The workload has increased, the responsibilities are greater, and the expectations are higher. We've proved that we're qualified to be here, now we just have to show our superiors that we deserve to be here, especially now that we have to start seriously considering specialties.
It's nearing nine by the time I get home, the earliest I've managed to finish work in the last two weeks, and I'm glad to have the day off tomorrow because I'm fucking wrecked. The general physical and mental toll of work, combined with the stress and anticipation of waiting for our boards results, has taken it out of me; and the emotional toll of this situation with Alex hasn't helped either. He's still avoiding me like the fucking plague, which stings enough already; but then I saw him sitting alone with April in the cafeteria today, her laughing at something he said, and it was like salt poured into an open wound. At least tomorrow I won't have to worry about him - out of sight, out of mind.
I scoff as I walk down the hallway of the apartment. Yeah right, like you haven't been falling asleep to the thought of him and April every night for the last two weeks.
The apartment is dark and quiet, April's probably already in bed, so I'm quiet as I make my way to the kitchen and fix myself a snack before bed. When I head upstairs to my bedroom, I notice light peeking out from under the door. And when I open the door, I'm greeted by the loveliest sight.
April.
Sitting on my bed, in her grey top and pale blue undies, reading. Her hair is up in a messy bun, loose tendrils touching her bare skin where the baggy t-shirt, my t-shirt, falls off one shoulder. She looks up when the door creaks, and her cheeks flush that pink I love.
"I-I hope it's okay-"
"Of course." I dismiss her worries with the wave of my hand, stripping out of my socks, pants and shirt; crawling into bed beside her. April tucks her legs to her chest so I can lift the blanket from underneath her, and as soon as she stretches out under the covers, I lay my arm over her belly and I lie on my front; she props her book between her fingers in a way that frees up one hand to comb through my short curls. Her touch is warm and firm, and I can feel myself going under as my eyes grow heavier.
"You okay?" I mumble.
She hums, her hand stilling in my hair for a moment before she says, "I need to talk about what happened."
My eyes pop back open at that. I fold my arms under my head so I can look up at her a bit better, "What happened?"
She gives me a look as she sets her book on the nightstand, as if to say you know what I mean, but I don't indulge it. If she wants to talk about that night, she has to be the one to start that conversation. I can tell she wants to, and I want her to feel safe enough with me to do so. I hadn't pushed a conversation about it the first time we slept together, but this time is different.
We'd been in a similar situation that time, too. Laying in bed together talking. It'd been a few months after the shooting, when I was still having nightmares and she didn't feel safe sleeping on her own. We'd taken to sharing my bed every night, April waking me and reassuring me when I'd start screaming in my sleep, me holding April tight in my arms and letting her cry herself to sleep when she needed. Some nights we lay in bed for a while and talked about anything our hearts desired, some nights we lay there staring into the others eyes until one of us finally drifted off; it was the comfort and safety we both desperately needed at the time, and it was the starting point for the friendship we have now.
It had been a night like any other, talking about random shit, when April asked me about losing my virginity, and then she started asking me about sex; had I ever done it in public? What was my favourite position? Did guys really like going down on women, or did they just say that so women would go down on them?
Her curiosity was natural, but surprising. And when I'd asked her where all this was coming from, she'd asked me if I'd have sex with her.
"It's stupid really, but all I've been able to think about since that day was how many things I'd been too afraid to do in my life. All the opportunities I'd missed, the risks I'd not taken, the fun I hadn't participated in. If I'd died that day, I would've died with … so many regrets, Jackson." she looked up at me, her eyes pleading, "I don't want to have any regrets anymore. I don't want to keep missing out on life."
"I get that, but April, this is a big decision."
She frowns, her eyes lining with tears so fast, "You don't want me."
"No! God, no, that's not it at all," I scoop her into my arms, pulling her against me, "April, if this is really what you want, I want that too, but … you said you wanted to wait until marriage, that you only wanted to be with the man you were going to love for the rest of your life. And you're allowed to change your mind on that, of course, I just don't want you to make a rash decision, that's all."
"It's not a rash decision, Jackson. I've been thinking about it for a while, and at first it was just random little thoughts, you know? but then, every night when I was laying here with you, I-I started to think about what it would be like … with you. And I thought, if I did this, I would want it to be with you. My friend. Someone I love and trust, and who I know will take care of me. I know that no matter what happens, if I look back on this moment in twenty years, I'm not going to be upset that I didn't wait for marriage, because I chose a good man. And that's enough for me. Really, it is."
April hadn't been there when I'd woken up the next morning, and she'd acted like … normal, I guess. Like I hadn't taken her virginity, something that she'd always considered very important to her; like we hadn't kissed, or seen each other naked; like I'd never been inside her. Like I wasn't the only person ever to have been inside her.
She was just April, my best friend, the same as she'd always been; and I figured maybe she'd just wanted to keep it that way. Protect our friendship, not ask for anything more than she already had; though, if she'd asked, I would've given her everything.
It had been a spontaneous thing, having sex with April, but I had no regrets; it remains one of the best nights of my life; that night with her and Alex right alongside it.
"I thought I could just let it go," her voice brings me back from the past, and I nod at her to continue, "like last time. I thought the memories would just quiet over time like they did before, that I could go back to normal and everything would just be okay."
"But?"
"But I can't stop thinking about it." She mumbles, embarrassed, I think, before shooting off into a ramble, "And I need to talk to someone about it, and I don't have any girlfriends to talk to, and my sisters are too judgy, and Alex and I don't talk about anything like this, and you're the only person I've actually had sex with, and you're my best friend so it has to be you, and I need you to listen and let me just get it all out because if not I'm gonna lose my mind!"
"Okay," I slide up onto my knees in an instant, taking April's hands in mine and forcing her to look at me, "Easy, take a breath, sweets. If you want to talk, we can talk about it. You can always talk to me, you know that."
"I do." She smiles at me.
I lie down again, on my side, and tap her thigh until she scoots down in the bed and faces me. I pull her into me, our legs tangled together as she trails her fingers up and down my side.
"I liked it," April whispers, "A lot. More than I should've."
"There's no limits to enjoyment, April. If you liked it, that's okay. I liked it too." I reassure her, squeezing her hip. She smiled, a sparkle in her eye that had my body buzzing with awareness.
"I liked how different the two of you felt," her fingers trail down my shoulder, but this time when she reaches my elbow she doesn't move back up again, she continues down, "I can't stop thinking about what sex might feel like … with Alex."
You'd think April admitting to wanting to have sex with Alex while her hand is fiddling along the waistband of my boxers would drive me wild with jealousy. It doesn't. It does, however, make me aroused as hell.
"How it would feel with both of you," her hand rubs down the front of my boxers, cupping my dick, "together. One of you," she glides her hand back to squeeze my ass cheek, "here."
My brain is malfunctioning. Her touch is overwhelming, it always has been, but it has me speaking without thinking, "It's a lot of fun. The feeling … it's unlike anything else."
Her hand stops instantly, and she pulls back a little, staring up at me in shock, "I thought you said you'd only kissed Noah Ceccarelli?"
"Oh, I did." I chuckle. only April would remember the name of the guy I kissed. "You'd be surprised how many women are into pegging, baby."
"And you just … let them?" she frowns.
"I don't judge people's fantasies, April. And I'm all for sexual exploration, so long as all parties are in agreement." I move my hand to her ass, giving her a firm squeeze and pulling her body into mine, pressing her against my erection, "I like it, so if the person I was with wanted to try, then yeah, I let them."
"What, uh, what do you like about it?" she asks
"It's hard to describe, it's just different. The fullness is unique, the orgasm feels … deeper, somehow. I've never come like that before. The entire sensations are just heightened, more, in a way that feels incredibly intense, in the best way."
That sparkle in her eye explodes, pupils dark and hazy. She kisses me urgently, hands wandering over my bare chest. I push her shoulder so she lays flat, her legs falling open, welcoming me. I lay atop her, April's legs winding around my waist and pulling me down to her. April's hands link behind my neck, her fingers playing with the curls at the nape. My hand drifted down to her breast, squeezing over her shirt, my thumb pressing against the clothed nipple.
April pulls back to pull her shirt off, and my mouth is on her chest the second she does. I kiss everywhere I can reach, one hand palming her breast and pinching the nipple, April gasping softly when my mouth takes her other breast. Her hand is back in my hair then, holding me tight against her. Her legs wrap around my waist again and I roll my hips, the fabric of my boxers dampening from her arousal. I rub against her clit and April's whole body trembles in my arms, her moan echoing through the room, and I've never been so glad to have a house to ourselves. Our first time was so cautious - we were both conscious of the fact that Meredith's house was full of people - but when we were in that hotel with Alex, April was so vocal, moaning and whispering things in his ear while I fucked her; I want to hear her again, hear her tell me how good it feels, how much she loves it.
"Jackson, please." she groans.
I kiss the centre of her chest, her heart hammering against my lips, "What is it, sweets, what do you need?" I smile against her skin, looking up at her flushed face. Fuck, I love how easy it is to get her going.
"You. I need you." She pants, "Will you … will you show me, how good it feels?"
I push onto my hands, hovering over her so we're face-to-face, "Are you sure?"
She nods frantically, "Yeah. I want this, I want you to do this, please."
"Okay," I smile, "I got you."
"I know." She cups my cheek so tenderly, and I lean into her touch, basking in the warmth; she makes me feel so safe, so loved; I never knew it could feel like this.
April's feet push at the waistband of my boxers, her impatience making me chuckle. I move off the bed, taking the blanket with me and dumping it on the floor when I stand. April eyes wander up and down my body as I take off my boxers, taking in every inch of me. I feel my face heat under her gaze. That's a new thing for me too, feeling adored like this; but the way April looks at me is reverent, admiring; it makes me feel good. I love the way she looks at me.
I crawl back onto the bed, grasping her right ankle as I go, lifting her leg over my shoulder, holding her thigh against my chest. Her eyes widen as I do, her leg tenses as I press down on her, taking myself in hand and lining up with her, "breathe, April. Relax, I got you." my smile seems to reassure her; I feel her body soften under me, and she nods for me to continue. Her pussy is soaked, and I fill her easily; I can see the surprise on her face as bottom out, but I want to take it slow with her; she's only had sex twice, and anal sex is a whole new territory; I want it to feel good for her, so I'm not going to rush.
April's hands slide up over my chest, nails digging into my shoulders as I pull out. She rocks her pelvis against me until I'm completely inside her once more, and she shivers at the fullness. "This is all I've thought about since that first time," I admit, sliding out and in again, "You and this pretty pussy." she moans at my words, pulling me down for a kiss. Our movements are slow, savouring the moment, my hips sinking all the way down before withdrawing almost to the hilt, April growing louder with every thrust. My free hand plays with her breast, rolling her nipple between my thumb and fingertips. She cries out when I do, "You feel so good."
I can't help but think about that night, about Alex; I wonder what it would be like if he was here right now. I picture him by April's side, playing with her tits, pinching her nipples, rougher than I usually am with her, but in a way that I noticed she enjoyed when he did it. Maybe one of his hands would be between us, feeling where she and I are connected. I fuck April harder at the thought.
"You feel fucking perfect, sweets." I kiss her again, and she clamps around my dick, her orgasm right on the cusp.
"Jackson, I-" Her words fade into a long, drawn out moan when I move my hand between us and circle her clit; I help her ride out the orgasm, swallowing her cries with kisses. I want to memorise the sound, etch it in my brain to replay for all of eternity.
She melts into me as she comes down from her high, my name falling like a mantra from her lips. When her eyes finally open, her face is glowing and her smile is one of pure satisfaction; she peppers my face with kisses as I continue moving inside her. She kisses along my jaw, up to my ear, and whispers, "I'm ready, Jackson. I want you to do it, now, please."
I pause my motion, looking into her eyes again, checking for any doubts or hesitation; I'm pleased to find none. I pull out of her slowly, keeping her leg propped up on my shoulder; I kiss the inside of her knee, reaching beside her head to grab one of the extra pillows and slide it under her hips. My hand moves from her hip to between her legs, her body jerking as I slide two fingers through the wetness dripping from her, "I love seeing how wet you get, sweets. You're fucking soaked." She whimpers, and that sound delights me; affirms that she enjoys hearing the dirty words as much as I love saying them to her. Her walls clench around my fingers as I keep pushing back inside. I curl my fingers deep inside her, and she bucks against my touch; and this time, when I withdraw my fingers, slick in her arousal, I lube her ass with my fingers. Her breath hitches, but she doesn't stop me; her eyes are wide, anticipating, curious to see what I'll do next.
My finger presses against her asshole. Slowly and steadily, I press one finger in, careful not to rush stretching her. April's leg shakes violently against my chest, and I squeeze her thigh again, holding her open for me. "Oh, fuck."
"You okay?" I ask.
"S-so good." she stutters, her head tilting back as I withdraw slightly and press further in, testing her resistance. My finger pushes all the way in, and her eyes squeeze shut as she moans.
"I really want to fuck your ass, April."
"Yes. Now. Please." She pants, hands digging into my biceps.
A whimper escapes her when I pull my finger completely out again, swiping my fingers through her lips to gather her arousal, and she leans up onto her elbows to watch me as I wrap my hand around my dick, pumping a few times, using her wetness to lube myself up. I press myself against her entrance, and look up at her again, making sure she's still okay; her eyes are still focused on my erection pressed against her ass, waiting with bated breath.
"Touch yourself for me," I say, waiting for her to move, "I wanna watch you, April."
One hand lets go of my bicep, trailing down my body, brushing along my dick and racking my whole body in shivers as she does; her fingers finally brush her pussy, circling her finger around her clit slowly, and when her eyes flutter shut and her body goes a little slack, I start pushing into her again, smirking at her sharp intake of breath. "Jackson," she cries, circling faster, and I pause once my crown pushes into her, giving her a minute to adjust. We needed to take this slowly, carefully; I wanted her to love this, to enjoy it just as much as I have.
When she flexes her hips, pushing into me, I take it as a sign to keep going. I press in more, taking my time with it, both of our breaths growing harsher as I watch our bodies connect in this new way. I knew how good it felt to be in her position, on the receiving end, but I'd never considered how different it would feel being the one doing this to another person, to April; I move inch by inch, stretching her slowly, and the sensation has my eyes practically crossing in bliss. "This feels fucking incredible," I tell her, pushing all the way in, "you're so fucking tight."
"Yes," she moans, closing her eyes and falling back on the bed, her hair fanning out beautifully against the pillows under her. Her hand rubs faster over her clit, her breath rushing out in short, harsh pants. My dick is achingly hard, my orgasm increasingly harder to stave off. My hand is bruisingly tight on her thigh, nails digging into her pale skin. My other hand slides up her chest, hand wrapping around the base of her neck; not tight enough to hurt or restrict her breathing, just holding her in place, and from the way her eyes darken it's clear she likes that.
My mind wanders to Alex again. I think about him watching us. Would he do this with her, with us? Would he fuck her mouth while I was fucking her ass, or maybe, he'd fuck me while I was fucking her. I can almost feel it, his thighs pressed against the back of mine, his hands digging into my hips as he pushes into me, the domino effect pushing me into her. I thrust into April more urgently, my hand gripping her neck a little tighter; her hand moves from her clit, pushing three fingers inside her.
"Fuck, April, I love watching you touch yourself," I groan, "You look so fucking hot, baby, you're gonna make me cum so fucking hard right now."
"Yes." it seems to be the only word left in her vocabulary, and she keeps repeating it the harder she fucks herself, the harder I fuck her ass. Her whole body is flush as I push into her again, holding her leg for dear life as I drive in and out of her, sweat slicking my chest as I work. April's cries grow louder, her orgasm so close, and when she starts writhing beneath me, her hips bucking wildly, I quicken my pace to match hers, feeling her hugging me so damn tightly.
"Jackson," she drags out my name, biting down on her lower lip as her head tilts further back, the sensation overwhelming her. I felt the same way, my whole body alight in a way I had never felt before, "I'm so close." she whines.
"Me too, sweets. This is … incredible. You're incredible."
"You feel so good. Oh god, I'm gonna-" her words cut off as she screams my name, and I pull out of her as my need becomes unbearable; watching her orgasm again triggers my own, and I pull out of her quickly, coming harder than I ever have before, emptying myself on her stomach and breasts.
April's leg falls from my waist, and I gently set her other one down from my shoulder, kissing her knee again as I do. I fight to keep myself upright, taking in the sight of April splayed out on the bed beneath me; she's a beautiful mess, frazzled hair, flushed skin, my release painting her body. When she drags her finger through my cum, I start to worry that maybe I crossed a line, but she shocks the life out of me for the umpteenth time tonight when she brings that finger to her lips and sucks the taste of me off.
"Fuck, April," I groan, dropping above her, propping myself up on my hands so as to not create further mess, "You have no idea what you do to me."
"You do the same to me," She smiles, leaning up on her elbows to kiss me.
My body is aching, all I want to do is collapse next to her in bed and hold her while we sleep, but I need to clean her up first; and there's a conversation looming between us, I can feel it still.
"Stay here, I'll clean you up." I kiss her cheek and go to grab a washcloth.
April's still laid out on the bed, that satisfied, euphoric smile on her face as she watches me come back into the room. She eyes me as I wipe the mess from the softness of her stomach, taking a little extra time on her breasts that makes her eyes roll. I ball the towel up and throw it in the direction of the ensuite entrance, grab the blanket off the floor and lay it over us. I pull April into me and she shifts onto her side, laying her head on my stomach and wrapping her arm around my waist.
We sit in comfortable silence, my hands combing through her hair while hers run up the side of my waist, "Thank you, April."
"For letting you fuck my ass?" she giggles, stumbling over the curse word; it's not something she does often, swear, but it always amuses me when she does; I especially like when it slips from her mouth during sex, like she was so overcome she can't control her words.
"For trusting me, not just tonight, but the first time … and that night."
"I don't think there's anyone in this world I trust like I trust you, Jackson." she says, pressing a kiss to my chest. My heart warms at her sweet words.
"How are you feeling?" I ask.
"Good," she says, "I … I keep thinking about Alex."
"Me too," I admit.
She pushes up a little, surprised at my response, "Really?"
"Yeah. I mean, I loved doing that with you, being with just you, but…"
"But you couldn't stop imagining what it would be like if he was here too?" Her question comes out more as a statement, but I still nod in answer, "I-I don't think I want that night to be a one-time thing." she says.
"I know, sweets," I pressed a kiss into her hair, "but I don't know if he wants more. He might want to be with you again, but he's been avoiding me ever since."
"I don't know," April sighs, "But I guess we won't know unless we ask him, right?"
The thought of broaching the subject with Alex has my stomach in knots. For some reason, the possibility of him rejecting me hurts more than I would have anticipated; I want the two of them again, for more than just a casual or one-time thing. But I don't think Alex sees me in that way, sees the three of us as something more; I worry that for him, it was one night of fun, an experiment; something to tick off the 'well, at least I can say I tried it' list, and be done with it. Done with me, at least.
"I think he's just confused, Jackson," April mumbles against my chest, "It's easier for him to be around me because he's used to being friends with women he's slept with. The two of you are a new thing for him. Just talk to him, okay? We can do it together, if you want."
"I'll think about it, okay?" I say, pulling April closer to me and closing my eyes.
"Okay." She relents, kissing my chest once more, snuggling against me and drifting off to sleep.
Despite my exhaustion, sleep doesn't come as easily; I can't stop thinking about what the hell I could possibly say to Alex to get him to see the three of us as a possibility; and worse, I can't help but wonder what his reasoning might be for not wanting to be around me anymore.
The bliss I feel from my night with April fades as soon as I get back to work. April and I spent my day off lounging in bed until she had to get ready to go into the hospital, and I spent the rest of the day figuring out a plan to talk to Alex. I still had no idea what I was going to say, but I knew we couldn't keep going like this; and the longer the day dragged on, the more frustrated I became by his efforts to avoid me. I kept trying to tell myself that there was nothing to worry about, that he wasn't actually avoiding me, but when he opted out of a surgery for one of Arizona's patients that Mark and I were assisting with, my patience and excuses reached their limit.
"Good work in there, Avery," Arizona praised, "Your technique is impressive."
"He learned from the best." Mark smirks, clapping me on the back. I roll my eyes as Arizona walks out of the OR washroom.
"You good, kid? Seem a bit unfocused today." Mark asks. I scrub my hands harder, nodding; I can tell Mark doesn't believe me, but he doesn't push, "Well, whatever's going on, don't let it fester; need you to be at your best."
"I won't." I snipe, drying off my hands and rushing out of the room before I spill my guts to him; Sloan's become a friend, a father figure in many ways, and if there was anyone who would have some handy advice for my current situation, it would be him.
I ignore everyone, heading straight to the elevator and up to peds; Alex doesn't leave that floor unless he has to. I've had three hours in surgery to sit and stew in my feelings, and now I'm pissed. His avoidance of me ends today. Now.
By some stroke of luck, he's not busy when I enter the paediatric ward, standing at the nurse's desk and filling out a chart. He looks my way when I walk in, surprise flickering his face momentarily before he looks back at his chart. I march over to him before I let myself start to second-guess if this is a good idea.
"I need to talk to you."
"I'm busy," he mutters, not taking his eyes off the chart.
"I don't care." I grab his arm, dragging him out of the ward with me. I can hear him dragging his feet but he doesn't stop me.
I open the door to the - thankfully empty - on-call room and push Alex inside.
"What the hell is your problem?"
"Me?" Alex scoffs, "You're the one throwing me around."
"Because apparently the only way to get you to even acknowledge me these days is isolating you in a room!" I burst, the lock I thought I had on my emotions snapping, "You've been avoiding me for the last two weeks, and I've had enough. So, tell me, what the hell is your problem with me?"
"I don't have a problem with you, Avery." Alex says, eyes fixed on the wall behind me.
"Really? Because you won't even look at me right now."
"Just leave it alone, Avery."
"No, I'm not leaving it alone!" I push him against the wall, my finger stabbing into his chest with every syllable I demand, "Answer me."
His face hardens, that fucking stubborness of his shining through, "We're not leaving this room until you tell me what the hell is going on.'
"You can't just lock me in here, Avery; I'm on call." Alex gruffs out.
"I don't care. You're normal with everyone, you talk to April like nothing changed between you two. But with me," I hate that my voice cracks, but it seems to soften Alex a fraction, "with me, you act like I don't exist. We're friends, Alex. And I know that what we did, with April, was unexpected but … I don't get what I did to make you hate me for it."
He rolls his eyes at me, "I don't hate you Avery, not everything is about you, alright? Grow up."
"Grow up?" I scoff, "I'm standing here telling you how I'm feeling, that your actions hurt me, and I'm the one that needs to grow up? Why don't you try being the mature one for a change?" I say, finger jabbing at his chest again, "Why don't you admit what you're feeling?" another jab, "If you hated it that much, then fine, but at least man up and tell me." jab, jab, jab, "Don't ice me out, you fucking asshole, just talk-"
Alex grabs the wrist of my jabbing hand with one of his, the other gripping me by the neck, my words dying as he finally looks me in the eyes. His pupils dilate, his hands strong, fingers firm at the back of my neck; I shiver at how close he's gotten, the tension between us building the longer he holds me in place.
"I-I didn't hate it," He stutters, lips trembling as his mouth inches over mine. He's got a couple inches on my height, but it's overpowering as he stands this close to me, overwhelming me.
The frustration melts away, desire flooding my body as I watch him. "This is a bad idea," Alex mumbles, his lips moving infinitely closer.
"There's nothing bad about this," I mutter.
Without another thought, Alex pulls me in, his mouth crashing down on mine.
His kiss steals the air from my lungs, sets my body alight in the same way April does. His hand drops my wrist and my hands make quick work of pulling Alex's shirt from his pants, getting my hands on his chest; he's built differently than me, his body's just as muscular but there's not as much tone to it, his stomach is warm and a little softer than mine; he feels good, sexy, and comforting all at once. Alex mewls when my hands slide up to his pecs, fingers brushing his nipples, and I press my lips more firmly against his.
His mouth opens for me, tongue swiping out slowly to graze mine, like he's unsure if it's something he should do. His touch sends a jolt through my body, and I can feel my erection growing. I thought being with Alex that night was incredible, but this is a whole new experience; feeling him let go, letting whatever barrier was still between us down, it heightens every feeling. His kiss feels more urgent, his touch deeper, and when he turns us, pushing me against the wall and grinding himself against me, it's a fucking euphoric sensation.
ALEX
I haven't felt this alive since that night between the three of us. Jackson's hands on my body feel good, in an unexpected way.
I didn't have the time to think about everything that happened after I left April's hotel room; I'd been preoccupied with passing my boards, but in the last two weeks, it's taken everything I have not to think about it; my mind was in overdrive, reliving it all; I've always been attracted to Kepner - yeah she's a little annoying at times, but she's still hot - but what surprised me most was the attraction I felt towards Jackson.
His touch had seared me, I could feel the weight of his hand on my thigh long after that night; but it also freaked me the fuck out. I had no idea what any of it meant - I'd never been attracted to guys before, never even thought of it as a possibility; but listening to Jackson talk about his first kiss with a guy, it spiked my curiosity. And one thing I always had been interested in, was threesomes; so when the opportunity presented itself, I figured, why not? I thought it would be weird, being with another guy in that scenario - I'd always pictured it'd be two women, honestly - but it was exciting, and really fucking hot.
I started thinking about it a lot after we got back to Seattle, what it might be like between the three of us, if we'd hook up again; but moreso, I kept thinking about what it would be like with Jackson. It was easy to be around April, but not him; having casual sex with a woman and then acting like it didn't happen? I was an expert at that. Letting a guy- no, encouraging a guy to almost jerk me off while I made out with his sort-of-but-not-really girlfriend? Completely out of the norm for me. Trying to maintain my friendship with Avery while also dealing with these weird, sexual, feelings was not something I was ready to handle. But he just had to keep pushing, and now here we are.
We shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be pushing him up against a wall and practically dry-humping him, but I can't seem to stop either. It feels good, he feels good. Pressing my hips into Jackson's, he gasps as I grind my cock against his, squirming against me; there's a desperation to feel him more, and my hands finally move, one pressing his shoulder against the wall and the other trailing down to the waistband of his scrubs.
I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Literally. I know what feels good to me, but I've never been in this situation before, never wanted to be until now. I think that's why I keep holding him against the wall, and maybe why he's letting me; I need to control the situation, and somehow I think he understands it, because he doesn't fight me on it; he urges me on, he touches me where he wants, but it doesn't feel like he's forcing me to go further than I want to. I don't really know how far I want to go, but I know I want more than what I got from him that night; I want more from both of them, but asking April for more doesn't scare me, not like it does to ask Jackson.
I pull back from Jackson, my lungs burning with a need for air, and he starts kissing along my neck, sucking at the base. Tingles shoot up my spine, and I can feel my precum leaking in my boxers. I grind against him harder, the friction is intense, and I chase that feeling as far as I can. I want to feel him, more than I can through the thin layers of cotton and polyester between us. My hand tucks into his pants, dips into his boxers, trailing through the hair until I reach the base of his cock. Jackson moans against my neck, his teeth nipping at my skin and I drop my head onto his shoulder, shifting my body to the side just slightly, taking in the view; I watch the motion of my hand under his clothes, enthralled at the sight. Jackson's head tilts back against the wall, breath harsh and chest heaving.
My thumb swipes the tip of his cock, taking pleasure in his sharp inhale as I swipe the moisture from the sensitive head. Jackson's body writhes, and I kiss his shoulder, wishing I'd had the good sense to strip him earlier. His hands grab where they can reach, clutching my forearm as I work him over, his head dropping down to watch what I'm doing to him. I grind myself against his hip, and I can feel him swelling in my hand. I think he's almost there.
"Alex," Jackson groans, "Fuck."
Why the fuck does his voice sound so good right now? It makes my body buzz, makes me work a little bit harder to jerk him off, makes me feel even more desperate to see him come. Jackson turns to look at me, leaning in to kiss me again, and I open for him, sucking on his lower lip until he hums. His hands are on my face, in my hair, clutching me to him. My hand tightens around his cock, pumping more vigorously; he twitches in my hand, and I smirk, sweet satisfaction licking through me, knowing that he likes this as much as I do.
"Fuck, yeah, just like that." Jackson's words melt together as they leave his mouth, and he ruts harder against my hand. He gasps out those words desperately, and his hips lose their rhythm, moving frantically.
"Alex, I'm gonna come." he warns, and I should take my hand off him, but I don't; I want to feel him let go, I want to feel his release against my hand and I want to see the way he looks when he comes.
I press my mouth against his ear as I say, "good. Come for me."
Jackson's eyes roll back, his mouth gaping as a hoarse cry comes from him, "Fuck, fuck, fuck, yes. I'm gonna come for you," and I feel his whole body tighten against me, his stomach clenching against my arm, right before spurts of warmth land against my palm, dripping slowly down my fingertips.
"Fuck," Jackson gasps, catching his breath. I slide my hand out of his scrubs, staring at his come on my hand. There's a tiny moment where I contemplate bringing that hand to my mouth, tasting him, before I think better of it; this is getting out of hand, I don't know what any of this even means. I move away from him, using the little sink to scrub my hands clean. I can hear Jackson moving around, likely trying to fix his clothes in a way that allows him to cover up the fact that I just made him come in his pants. I take a few deep breaths, trying to calm my own body; my heart is slamming against my ribcage and my cock is painfully hard right now.
"That was…" Jackson chuckles, at a loss for words.
And something about it makes this feel overwhelming. I can't wrap my mind around this, everything happened so fast, I didn't take the time to think; I was so swept up in the moment, the feeling of him against my body, I didn't think about what any of it meant. And now I have no idea what the fuck is happening.
"I need to go." I say, rushing towards the door.
Jackson grabs my arm before I can open the door, "Alex, please don't-"
"I'm not running," I lie. I'm running, a little bit. "I-I just … it's not that I hate it, okay?" is all I manage before I pull the door open and escape.
Because that's the truth. I don't hate it at all. I like it, more than I ever would've thought; and it scares me as much as it thrills me.
I can't stop thinking about Jackson, and April, and what it would be like if we continued this thing between us. It plagues my mind the whole day, thinking about all the different things we could try together. I've lived my whole life knowing better than to ask for more than I have - any time I've tried, life has a funny way of kicking me between the legs and reminding me that I'm not allowed to have good things in life.
But I want them. I want to feel good. And for once, I don't really care if I deserve them or not. I want him, and I want her, and I'm going after what I want.
APRIL
When I look at Jackson, all I can think about is kissing him.
Ever since our tryst the other night, I've missed him every second of the day. It's pathetic. Because I spend enough time with him already, almost every waking minute – seeing as we're roommates – but that's still not enough to satisfy me.
I miss him in a different way. In a way where I'm thinking about how it felt to have him inside me – but not only that. I'm also constantly thinking about his hands on me, in me, and his hands on Alex. Alex's hands on him, on me. Alex's hands on him and me.
I can feel my face getting flushed, and it's not from the alcohol. I've only had one beer, and Jackson is coming back with my second.
When he sits down, he lets out a long exhale. "I gotta tell you something," he says, taking a sip of his own drink.
"What?" I say, leaning in. "Is it bad?"
He shakes his head and takes another drink. "No," he says, then smiles. If I'm not mistaken, I think I might even see the apples of his cheeks start to glow.
"What is it?" I say.
He leans in to meet me halfway, so we're hovering over the middle of the table, and glances around before speaking. When he does talk, his voice is low and barely perceptible. "Me and Alex made out in an on-call room," he says.
I sit up straight, my eyes wide and buggy. "Stop," I say, looking around like someone might be listening in. You never know. "When?"
"Today," he says.
"And?" I say.
He shrugs. "And nothing. I still don't know where we stand."
"That doesn't make any sense," I say.
"You're telling me," he replies. "I kind of got it off my chest, you know, how I've been feeling about him avoiding me and…it just happened. I said what I needed to say, but he didn't have much to add. Well, besides kissing the hell out of me and…"
"And what?" I prompt.
"And jerking me off."
"Oh, my god," I say, feeling my chest grow hot. My heart hammers hard in my chest and a familiar, throbbing heat pools between my thighs, making me adjust the way I'm sitting. I can't believe I'm feeling it this fast over so little. I need to get some control over myself. "And then he just left?"
"Yeah," Jackson says. "I mean, it's not like I expected…I don't know. I don't know what I expected. He didn't say much, but I'm just as confused as I was before, if not more so."
"Right," I say, swallowing hard. "Well, what do you–"
"Hey, guys."
A familiar voice – Alex's voice – pulls me and Jackson out of our huddle. We both sit up like we've been caught doing something wrong and look at Alex with surprise written all over our faces.
"Oh," I say, my voice much too bright, "hey, Alex."
He lingers where he stands, right beside our high-top table with his hands in his pockets, and glances between Jackson and me. He can't keep his eyes on either of our faces for long, though, before his gaze roams around the rest of the bar. "How's it going?" he asks.
I flick my eyes to Jackson and he looks back with an expression that looks just as confused as I feel. "Fine," Jackson says.
I roll my eyes. Answering Alex's question with a stupid "fine" is not going to get us anywhere. Something has to be done about this, and it looks like I'm the only one who's going to move it forward.
"Actually, not very fine," I say. "I think we all need to talk."
At those words, Alex's face blanches paperwhite. He hunches his shoulders closer to his ears, then looks around to make sure no one's eavesdropping. When he faces forward again, his face has turned red from white and he looks disturbed over anything. It's not a very reassuring expression.
"Yeah, fine," he mutters. "But not here."
"We'll go to our place, then," I say, referencing mine and Jackson's townhome. "You can ride with us."
"No," he says, still conspicuously checking his surroundings. "I'll drive myself. I'll meet you there."
The three of us leave the bar together, yet somehow not together. Jackson surprises me and laces his fingers through mine, and I like that – and I let him know by squeezing his hand and leaning my body weight on him as we head to the car. As I look sweetly up at him, his eyes meet mine and I'm sure he can feel Alex's gaze on us just as well as I can.
Something has to change tonight. Whether it gets resolved or completely cut off, we can't keep going like this. I hate this state of unknowing. I just want to have fun, preferably with both of them.
That's such a crazy thought. I still can't believe my mind is in the place it's at.
Jackson keeps my hand as we drive home, stroking my knuckles with his thumb. When we pull into the driveway, I'm sad to lose the contact, but any more would feel like we're rubbing something in Alex's face, I think. So, the three of us walk to the front door in silence, not touching.
When we get inside, I flick the lights on and place my shoes on the mat. "Does anyone want tea, or coffee, or anything?" I ask.
"I think we just need to talk," Jackson says, "like you said."
"Get it over with," Alex mumbles, avoiding eye contact by looking at the floor.
"Yeah," I say, "yeah, that makes sense."
Seeing as we're all standing in the foyer and it's not the most comfortable place, I lead the way to the living room. I sit in the middle of the couch and Jackson sits on my left, so close that our hips touch, and Alex sits on the cushion to my right – but definitely not as close as Jackson.
After we sit down, no one speaks. I'm not comfortable leading absolutely everything tonight, so I just sit there with my hands folded, one leg crossed over the other, and wait for something to happen.
Nothing does, though. The boys are silent, and no one looks at each other.
"So…" Jackson finally says, letting the word trail off.
Alex clears his throat. For a minute, I think he's going to dive into the conversation, but nothing more comes from him.
"Will someone just say something?" I exclaim, fed up with the stalemate we've found ourselves in.
Alex shifts. He scratches the back of his neck and clears his throat again, staring at his feet like he's been doing this entire time. "It was easier when we were doing stuff," he says, "I don't fuckin' know how to talk about it."
I frown, pressing my lips tightly together as I turn to face him. "Well, just try," I say.
There's a long pause. It's so long that I think our efforts were futile and no one is going to speak, which means that this is all going to fall apart. But, eventually, Alex does find his voice.
"I liked that night," he says. He still can't look up, but at least he's talking. "I liked being with you guys…like that." He takes a deep breath, then lets it all out. "It felt good. And…" He scrubs a hand down his face and looks over for the first time, but he doesn't meet my eyes. Instead, he meets Jackson's. "And you," he says, "I liked being with you, too."
Hearing that from him lights up something inside me. I hadn't expected it. Even though the sentiment is directed towards Jackson, my body buzzes like it was meant for me.
I glance at Jackson and we make eye contact, and he returns my surprised gaze with a sly little smirk. That smirk makes me feel all sorts of new things, too, things that make my body heat up and my heartbeat hammer between my thighs.
"I don't know what this is," Alex continues. His voice is low and a little gravelly, and it's touching just the right place inside my ear. "But whatever it is," he says, "I don't want it to stop."
"Yeah, no," Jackson says, shaking his head. "We don't, either."
"I really don't," I say, then feel a little embarrassed. I try to shove the feeling away, though, because it's not welcome here. Not with these two; not tonight.
The air in the room seems to have lightened, and a smile even sneaks onto Alex's face and clears away some of the gray clouds in his eyes. When he grins, I can't help but return the gesture, then I reach forward and overlap his hand with mine.
"I missed you," I say, lacing my fingers through his.
"Nah," he says, shaking his head and shrugging.
"She did," Jackson says, leaning in and resting a hand on my thigh. He grips almost the entire thing, and the tips of his fingers slide between my legs to keep a firm grip on me. "I did, too."
Then, I feel Jackson's lips on my skin and I melt completely. We're doing this tonight; we're doing this again.
As Jackson kisses the side of my neck, I wind my arms around Alex's waist and pull myself close to him, close enough to open my mouth over his and give him a long, languid kiss – all the while Jackson sucks on my skin to the point of no return and rubs the pads of his fingers roughly against my center.
I sigh into Alex's mouth and slip my hands under his shirt, feeling the warm skin of his stomach and the light dusting of hair that leads to the waistband of his jeans. I drag my nails over his sides and he shudders – barely enough to notice, but I smile against his lips when I feel it.
"Tickles," he mutters.
I keep touching him like that, feeling the goosebumps that rise as I trail my nails up and down his skin. In return, his hands find a way under my shirt and, before I know it, one of the boys takes it off of me. I can't be sure which one.
I am sure that I'm sitting between them in just my black bra, though, with one of Alex's hands slipping beneath the underwire to grab a firm handful of my breast. He rubs the nipple with his thumb, attaching his lips to the hinge of my jaw as he does, and Jackson unbuttons and unzips my jeans.
As Jackson pulls my pants down, I take Alex's shirt off and kiss his neck, then his chest. Jackson's hands are on my back, tracing my spine and my ribcage as I kiss Alex, and when I squeeze Alex's shoulders, Jackson gently nudges my thighs apart.
"Look how wet she is," Jackson says, and his words make my heart jam itself inside my throat. "Come taste her."
Breathing heavily, I lean back against the couch as Alex looks between mine and Jackson's eyes. With spread legs, I can see for myself the damp patch on the front of my grey underwear. The damp spot only grows when Jackson teases my lips with his fingertips and traces it, egging Alex on.
Alex meets my eyes and wordlessly asks for permission. I give it to him with a shaky nod, then spread my thighs wider so he, on his knees, can fit between them.
He places a hand on either of my legs and looks up to where Jackson is already watching him. Without hesitating, Jackson leans down and presses his lips to Alex's in a hot, sloppy, feverish kiss – one that makes me even wetter. A surge of liquid comes from inside me and soaks my underwear further, and a little moan escapes me when it happens.
It's a moan that Jackson hears. While he's still kissing Alex, he slips a hand inside my underwear and, without warning, starts fucking me with his fingers. My eyelashes flutter as he sinks inside me, all the way to the third knuckle, and pulls Alex up onto the couch by a belt loop.
I love seeing him like this; actually, I love seeing them both like this. I don't think I've ever been this wet in my life. I didn't even know it was possible to actually feel the wetness keep coming, and coming, and coming. Jackson's fingers practically slide in and out of me as he presses Alex against the couch and sinks down onto his knees himself.
"Hold on, sweets," he says to me. He kisses my kneecap, then hovers between mine and Alex's legs, quickly ridding Alex of his pants and boxers until he's completely naked on the couch beside me, his penis so hard that it points up towards his stomach.
It's clear that Jackson has a plan, so I wait to see what he'll do. With a glint in his eye, he tugs my underwear down my legs and stares at my core, shaking his head and licking his lips. "You want this so bad, don't you?" he says, shoving my thighs apart even further. Keeping his eyes on mine, he opens his mouth over me and slips his tongue inside, jaw working as my spine turns to jelly and my hips start to work against his face.
It's second nature to close my eyes when something feels so good, but I keep them open because I see Jackson's hand sneaking higher and higher on Alex's leg. Alex watches him, too, and swallows hard when Jackson drags his nails along Alex's upper thigh, then up the length of Alex's penis – his penis that's twitching and practically begging to be touched.
Jackson doesn't make him wait long. I can practically feel Alex's relief when Jackson wraps his hand around his dick, using the shiny, whitish liquid coming from the head to lubricate his strokes. Alex moans when Jackson twists his hand, rubbing his palm over the head, and spreads his legs further to strain his hips higher.
Jackson kisses my inner thigh, then pulls me down by the neck to kiss my lips. "I'm not finished with you," he whispers, and I understand what he's saying.
"Mm-hmm," I say, getting comfortable against the arm of the couch as Jackson scoots over to situate himself between Alex's knees.
When he takes Alex's dick in his mouth, my whole body lights on fire. Alex's mouth drops open and his hand rests on the back of Jackson's head, and the way he can't seem to spread his thighs far enough gets me so worked up that I have to tuck my hand between my legs to finish what Jackson started.
"You like that?" Jackson mutters, pressing his lips to the head of Alex's dick. Alex nods and Jackson puts it in his mouth, flattening his tongue and bobbing his head to take as much of it as he can.
"Fuck," Alex hisses, then reaches for my hand with the one that's not buried in Jackson's hair. I intertwine our fingers, then place his hand on my inner thigh as I continue to touch myself, spurred on by everything they're doing and all the sounds they're making.
When Alex gets close, he squeezes my leg and digs his nails in. I start to move faster, rubbing my clit in tight, desperate circles, but Alex comes before I do. It all works out, though, because my orgasm comes when I watch Jackson swallow every last drop of semen, even what runs down the length of Alex's dick and drips between his thighs. He licks that up, too.
At this point, we're all panting, sweating, and ready for anything. I can't speak for them but, in my case, I'm ready for everything.
With a heaving chest, Alex picks up our still-intertwined hands and kisses the back of mine. "Did you come?" he asks.
I nod, letting my head fall to rest against the back of the couch. "Yeah," I say, still a little breathless. "I like…I like watching the two of you together."
Alex smirks and his eyes glint. "Really?" he says.
"Yeah," I answer, "feel for yourself."
I take his hand and tuck it between my thighs where I'm a wet, slippery mess. When he feels me, he lets out a long, shaky breath and licks his lips, then unwinds his hand from mine so he can drag his fingers through the slick.
I jerk against him, sensitive and raw, and he pushes my lips apart just slightly to brush against my still-swollen clit. I moan, letting my mouth fall open as my eyes flutter shut, then take hold of Alex's wrist before opening my eyes and looking between both of the boys' faces. "Can we go upstairs?" I ask, already knowing how they'll answer.
In our various states of undress, the boys and I head upstairs and we end up in my room. When we walk inside, I don't turn the overhead light on; the only light that shines comes from the night light that I bought after the shooting, small, yellow, and comforting.
I expect to feel awkward. It's almost like I'm waiting for that feeling to show up, but it just doesn't. Not when I shut the door behind us, not when I take off my bra (the last piece of clothing I have on), and not when I turn around to find Jackson reclined on the bed and Alex sitting beside him. There's no hesitation; I already know exactly what I want to do.
I straddle Jackson's hips and feel his erection nudging my inner thigh, but I don't relax my body weight down onto him. Instead, I sit up on my knees and pull Alex in, wrapping my arms around his shoulders as I suck on his lower lip. "I want both of you tonight," I whisper into his mouth.
I feel Jackson's confident, almost cocky, grip solidify around my hips. He presses his thumbs to the points of the bones and I spread my knees wider, opening myself for him – for both of them.
Jackson slips a hand between my thighs and casually rubs my centre. While he does that, I let my hand wander lower, trailing down Alex's bare chest until I reach his penis, which is almost hard again.
As I wrap my hand around it, he asks, "What are you saying?"
"She wants to get fucked, Alex," Jackson says. The use of his name is intimate, almost more intimate than the way they're both touching me. "By both of us."
I start pumping Alex's dick and, whether it's the motion of my hand or Jackson's words, it doesn't take him long to get fully hard. As I brush my thumb over the head, he leans in and opens his mouth on my shoulder, taking two greedy handfuls of my breasts and squeezing hard.
I kiss Alex again, burying my hands in his hair, then let my weight fall forward with my hands pressed to the bed on either side of Jackson's head. I kiss him, then, still with the taste of Alex's tongue on mine, and he rubs my back, dragging his nails up and down until his grip lands on my ass cheeks.
My mouth is open over Jackson's throat when I feel Alex shift behind me. In an instant, his hands sit just above where Jackson's are, braced around my mid-back, and the head of his dick presses right against my asshole – which I had not expected.
"Wait, no!" I say – and the tone of my voice is all wrong. The moment it happens, the moment I hear myself, I want to take it back. Not the fact that I said no, but how I said it. There's no way to do that, though, so I just have to backtrack as best I can.
I flip over so I'm sitting next to Jackson on the bed, my hands braced behind me and my knees bent. My chest is heaving – not only from arousal, but from surprise and shock, too. That wasn't what I expected. I didn't think Alex would go for my ass, though I'm not sure why. We never talked about it; we didn't plan. There was only a plan in my head because of what Jackson and I did a few days ago…and Alex doesn't know about that.
"I just…since he and I already…" I cut myself off and swallow hard, trying to reorganize my thoughts. "I want Jackson to go there." I try to remedy the situation, try to bring the mood back up, by pulling Alex closer by the wrist and encouraging him to lie on his back. "I want to feel you this way," I say, straddling him like I'd been straddling Jackson just moments ago. "Okay? Is this okay?"
"Yeah," Alex says.
I watch his eyes, maybe a bit too intensely, to try to see if something is different. I can't tell, though, and my brain isn't exactly in my head right now, it's throbbing between my legs. So, any psychoanalysis from me probably can't be trusted, anyway.
"You sure?" I breathe.
"Yeah, it's good," Alex says, "I'm good."
"Okay," I say, taking the shaft of his dick in my hand, rolling a condom onto it, and positioning it at my entrance. This is mine and Alex's first time – that fact isn't lost on me – so the feeling is delicious and euphoric when I sink down onto him.
"Fuck," he sighs, his fingers digging into the dips of my waist. He pulls me down so I'm resting on my elbows and kisses the hell out of me, winding both arms tight around me so we're locked in, chest-to-chest.
Without being able to see, I feel Jackson reach between our bodies to the place where Alex and I are linked. I jolt against both of them when I feel his hand tucked there, saving the slippery liquid coating Alex's dick and what more drips from me.
He drags his fingers up the back of my thigh and over the round of my ass cheek, then lubes up my asshole, playing with it and spreading my cheeks as Alex buries himself all the way inside me. First, I feel Jackson's breath there, then I feel his tongue trace my hole and my mouth falls open, aroused and stunned all at once.
He teases me for a few moments, which makes me roll my hips more insistently against Alex's. Jackson can tell that I like it, too, and I can see Alex watching him.
"You ready, sweets?" Jackson asks, laying one hand flat on the small of my back.
"Yes," I say, lifting my head up so I'm looking right into Alex's eyes as Jackson pushes inside me.
I let my jaw hang and my eyes roll back when it happens. For a long moment, I forget who I even am.
I twist the sheets in my hands, my back arched as I take Jackson and Alex at the same time. I spread my knees as far as they'll go and, when Jackson pumps into me fully for the first time, it shoves my hips against Alex's and makes me lose every thought I've ever had.
"Oh my…oh…" I gasp, struggling to catch my breath.
"You okay?" Jackson asks, both hands solid on my hips.
"Yeah," I whimper, my body coated in sweat as I'm tightly enveloped between the two of them.
I've never felt this full. The fact that both of them are inside my body, getting off because of me, gives me a feeling that I can't describe. The stretch is a whole different beast in itself – every time either of them makes the smallest movement, it's like they're fighting for space inside me and, somehow, they're both winning.
"Tell me how he feels inside your pussy, baby," Jackson says, the front of his hips flush against my ass. "And tell me how good it feels to get fucked by both of us at once."
"So good," I whine. I hold both sides of Alex's face and jolt forward as Jackson fucks me, but I still look in his eyes to say, "You feel so, so good, Alex."
The use of his name brightens his eyes and he kisses me hard, messy, and with passion. Jackson goes at me deeper as Alex and I kiss, his hips bucking like he has no control over them at all.
"Gonna come," Alex mutters, his lips moving sloppily against mine. "I'm gonna come."
"Don't pull out," I moan, my eyebrows lifted to my hairline and they both stretch me as far as I've ever been stretched. "Come inside me. Please, Alex."
"Fuck," he groans, gritting his teeth as his hips shake under both mine and Jackson's weight and a hot, powerful surge shoots off inside me.
"Fuck, Alex, yes. Just like that," Jackson murmurs.
I nod fervently, my forehead pressed against the side of Alex's sweaty neck, as he slips a hand between us and presses roughly on my clit with his thumb. It's so swollen and ready that, at this point, that's all I need to be pushed over the edge.
The orgasm is so good that I can't see straight. I feel myself clenching around both Alex and Jackson, somehow wanting more of both of them. I never knew I was so greedy.
By the time it's over, warm, wet liquid leaks all over Alex's thighs and my own. I'm so lost in the feeling that I've even found myself drooling, but I don't bother wiping my mouth before kissing Alex again. I drown myself in his mouth and the feeling of both their dicks still inside me – one softening and one very, very hard.
"Jesus Christ, April," Jackson says, his nails digging into my sides. "I can feel you…fuck, you're gonna make me come."
In one slick motion, Jackson pulls out. In the next moment, I feel hot, wet, liquid spurt over my back and ass cheeks as I lie there, twitching, panting, and stretched while splayed over Alex.
I let out a desperate little sound with my cheek pressed against Alex's chest, and only a few seconds later does Jackson come closer to press a solid kiss against the back of my shoulder. Then, he moves my hair aside, holds Alex's jaw in one hand, and kisses him slowly – it's so passionate between them that all I can do is stare, open-mouthed and gaping. Honestly, I might still be drooling.
I roll off of Alex, my back still sticky, as they kiss. It's almost like a fight between the two of them, the way they kiss – it's all grappling hands, nipping teeth, and heavy breathing…I think I could watch them all night if I weren't so exhausted.
"Look at her," Jackson says, some time later. I blink open my heavy eyelids to find him crawling towards me with a sweet and molten look in his eyes. "I thought you liked watching us, sweets?"
"I do," I say, smiling. "I just…I'm so tired."
"She's all fucked out," Alex says, which makes Jackson chuckle.
We agree that it's late and it's been an eventful night. So, we clean up in the bathroom, strip my bed of its filthy comforter, and get ready to turn in.
ALEX
I can't believe that just happened. I just fucked Kepner's pussy while Avery fucked her ass. That was real. I didn't dream it. I don't even think my brain could come up with something like that – in this case, life is stranger than fiction could ever hope to be.
But it's not like I was wearing rose-tinted glasses the whole time. It's fucking clear who Kepner trusts more, and who she likes more, and it's not me. She practically jumped out of her skin when I got near her asshole, though I thought I was just picking up what they were putting down. The positions we were in made sense for me to play that role; I was just trying to go with the flow. Then, she freaked out. She only wanted her precious Jackson going in through the back door.
It made me angry, honestly. It made me feel less-than, like I wasn't really wanted there at all. But even though I was feeling that stupid shit, I still came inside her – which was fucking amazing – and now I can't stop stealing glimpses of them both as they get ready for bed.
I'm already there, in my boxers and a t-shirt that Avery found for me, sitting on the edge of the bed. I watch as he finds a shirt for himself – even though this is Kepner's room, he's got t-shirts in the drawers – and pulls it on over his head. The muscles in his back ripple under the skin and his ass swells perfectly under the material of his boxer briefs. That's one thing, but the way the fabric strains in the front when he turns around is another. I can't look at that for too long without getting hard myself, which is a totally new feeling for me.
It's dark in the room, so he doesn't notice me looking. Not at him, at least. When he sees me staring at Kepner as she brushes her hair in the mirror, he grins and watches her, too.
She's beautiful. Not in a blonde, bimbo, in-your-face way, but in a "I will ruin your fucking life" way that I can't make heads or tails of. It's freaking me out.
"All comfy and cozy now?" she asks, smiling brightly as she sets the brush down and comes over to the bed.
It's wild how, just minutes ago, I was balls deep in her pussy and Avery was fucking her ass, and she was the most sensual woman on the planet – making sounds that were so delicious I wish I could go back and bottle them – and now, she's cheery Kepner, asking if Avery and I are "comfy and cozy."
"Yep," Avery answers, laying down.
Kepner looks at me, then Avery tugs on the back of her shirt, wordlessly asking her to get closer. She glances at him for a moment, but then turns back to me. "You're staying, right?" she asks, twining her arms around my middle so she can rest her cheek on my shoulder. "I want you to."
"Same here," Avery says from the far side of the bed.
"Yeah," I say, overlapping one of her hands with mine. "Yeah, sure."
"Good," she says, all chipper again.
The three of us lie down with Avery on his side acting as the big spoon to Kepner, and she waves me in so she can act as the big spoon to me. With a cute little grin, she wraps her arm around me and pulls me in tight with it slung over my chest.
It feels unbelievably good to be held like this. To be held by her, by both of them. But, like every other good thing in my life, it doesn't last.
Kepner unwinds her body from mine as soon as she falls asleep. She rolls over so she's facing Avery's chest and, in his unconscious state, he wraps her up in his arms and holds her head with the back of one hand. Keeping her close, protected. With the way she slides her fingers under the hem of his shirt and slips her foot between his ankles, it's very clear this isn't their first time sleeping like this.
With my eyes cemented on the two of them, I stand up, gather my shit, and leave. It's obvious that I'm not wanted here, not really.