Chapter 9: Leave behind the Prison of the Distant Shadows of the Sinking Sun (2)
1
A wing.
A malformed wing.
It wasn't any of that. Who was she trying to fool? Herself, of course. No, nothing had suddenly grown on Wardes' back. The truth was that something had pierced his chest and come out through his back. Wet and slippery with his blood and entrails.
That thing was the monstrosity her own arm had transformed into.
Is this another dream?
It was a weak attempt to resist reality, which shattered into a thousand pieces as Wardes' blood splattered on her face, making her instinctively squint.
There was no fear or anger in his eyes. Not even pain.
He looked at her with eyes widened in surprise. This ending wasn't a possibility that had even crossed his mind. We are two of a kind, she thought as Wardes' lifeless body fell on her, pressing her further into the bed. If it weren't for the hole in his chest, which pierced through him cleanly and exposed his organs, the scene would have seemed of a very different nature. It would have looked exactly like what had almost happened before a part of her resisted.
Before a part of her...
Changed?
The word was too mild. How could she still consider that grotesque monstrosity as part of her body, to begin with? It didn't resemble anything she had seen before. Nothing at all...
"What's going on in there!"
Louise's heart stopped.
It wasn't a metaphor; it stopped for several painful seconds, during which she felt as if a knife had been plunged into her chest.
Mom.
Mom is still out there, of course, and I...
She heard Wardes exhale his last breath as he choked on his own blood. The blood that kept pouring onto the sheets, painting them red. The pool spread endlessly. It seemed unbelievable that there could be so much blood in a human body.
Despite the horrific scene, as if it had nothing to do with her, Louise stood still as a statue. Not even her eyelids trembled.
Because...
She couldn't accept it.
"I asked what's going on." Knocks on the door.
Mom would break it down sooner or later. I have to do it, but what? What do I have to do, what the hell can I do?
Now that things have come to this point.
Wardes was dead.
No, she had killed him. Which meant she was not only a failure but a murderer. The strangest thing perhaps was worrying about that instead of what had happened to her left arm, but strange or not, that was how it was, and it shattered her mask of calm and left her trembling. The idea of being exposed as a murderer, a criminal, a failure, and a disgrace to the family in every possible way.
She couldn't let things end like this.
Couldn't let?
It was all over. She couldn't say: No, that's not how it happened and turn back time like the hero of her favorite novel. What was done was done. The blood that kept spilling over her was a reminder of that. And the pressure of Wardes' lifeless body, which had ceased to be human. Yes, it was just a piece of meat now... Because she had killed him and would pay for it.
What could she say?
Get on her knees, begging for mercy? Say it was an accident? That she hadn't meant to?
As true as those things might be, they wouldn't change anything even if they believed her. And they wouldn't. Not after seeing the monstrosity her left arm had transformed into.
Time didn't go backward, but it felt like it was moving very, very slowly. The only thing she could hear was the beating of her heart, each beat as loud as the strike of a hammer.
Was this the explanation?
She had always been a failure as a noble, as a mage... Why wasn't she even a human being?
Impossible.
Impossible.
Maybe she was a failure and a murderer, but that was impossible. There had to be an explanation. She resisted the idea with all her might, knowing that if she accepted it, it would truly be the end. Her identity would shatter, and she would end up as an empty shell.
Then...
Wardes' corpse began to dissolve like a dream at dawn. Even the blood spilled everywhere. Everything dissolved into a dark red substance that entered her.
An instant before mom forced the door open.
Trembling from head to toe, with wide eyes, she tried to open her mouth. She tried to find some explanation.
Mom approached.
"Where is Louise?"
Huh?
She swallowed.
"Lord Wardes, where is my daughter?"
Louise stood up on trembling legs and staggered to the bathroom in her room to check what she already knew deep down. The mirror didn't reflect what it should.
She raised her hands to her face, what should be her face, but only saw Wardes touching his cheeks.
Wardes, who should be dead, was right here. And she, who had killed him, where was she?
She started to laugh. She couldn't help it.
"What the hell is this?"
If she didn't laugh, she would be crying her lungs out, like a newborn baby.
She had thought her life had collapsed around her, that things couldn't get worse. Once again, life had shown her how wrong she was.
Now everything was unrecognizable.
2
He felt his wife finally wake up. Alex Mercer had spent the whole night sitting on the bed in his own form, not Edmond's, waiting and watching. But nothing had happened. If he hadn't gutted one of the thieves, a lookout, then that one had escaped with his tail between his legs as he had supposed. Whatever he told wouldn't be believed, so he supposed it didn't matter.
"Did you sleep well?"
Angelique opened her eyes slowly, stretching. She had let her guard down faster than he expected. But well, she was a sensible woman. If he had wanted to harm her, he had had many opportunities. Every moment was an opportunity; with a single touch, he could drink her and add her to the collective.
So for now, she was willing to trust him.
Anyway, he couldn't have done anything worse than passing by and letting Edmond continue being Edmond.
"Pretty well," she said. "I don't remember the last time I went to bed feeling safe." She swallowed.
Even though it should be something to celebrate because things had finally changed, admitting that hurt. Alex understood perfectly the need and the void. He might be a monster, but no one had more empathy than him, as he could literally put himself in the skin of thousands of people.
"I'm glad."
That's why he noticed immediately that Angelique started to feel uncomfortable under his gaze.
"What are you thinking about?" she dared to ask at last.
Only then did he realize she might have thought he wanted to take her as a wife in every possible sense, as he was looking at her so intently. To be fair, the original Alex Mercer had always thought that kind of thing was a useless distraction from his goals. They could make a baby, but they already had a daughter as far as he was concerned, so why bother having sex with her?
"Nothing. Just a bit curious about what it's like to dream. In the physical sense."
In the other sense, well, he had plenty of dreams.
"Ah. But if you're... How did you say? A kind of collective consciousness, shouldn't you remember the dreams of thousands of people?"
"I do. But it's not the same; I've never experienced it."
Angelique looked away, thoughtful. After a while, she spoke again.
"The truth is, I don't know what to tell you. It's something so normal that I've never thought much about it. It's like trying to explain to a blind person what it's like to see."
The disabled were humans, who had to lose a significant part of their lives sleeping as if they were dead, but it was an interesting comparison. He couldn't say it was entirely wrong.
"I understand. Well, it was just a bit of curiosity. It's okay."
"No. Wait, Alex."
There was something strangely pleasant about hearing her say his real name. Well, it wasn't that strange. There was a reason he wanted to do this, wasn't there? If it was useless, if it didn't give him pleasure, didn't make him happy, then he would have been wasting his time from the beginning. So what he should really say is that the pieces were starting to fit together.
And it hadn't even taken that long. It had been easier than he thought.
"Dreaming is actually not that different from life, except you don't feel anything physical because it's not real, of course. Everything can change at any moment. Things just happen. There can be fear, you can see horrible things, but no pain."
It wasn't anything he didn't already know due to the memories, the scars on his soul from voices that screamed incessantly, but when she said it, it seemed somehow different.
I hope Danah is having good dreams, he thought.
"Thank you," he replied simply.
3
"Lord Wardes, I demand an explanation." Mom's voice was cold and authoritative as always. She had never seen her lose control, shout, or bang on the table, none of that; she didn't need to ensure she was obeyed. Even so, seeing her reflection in the mirror, Louise knew she was approaching her boiling point. She had to do something.
She should be happy.
She was this close to seeing mom lose her temper for the first time in her life (hers and mom's, probably; it was hard to imagine she had ever been different from how she always remembered her, as it happened to any child) and all because she was worried about her.
The only thing she felt was fear.
"I don't know, Lady Valliere. Something happened, and by the time I realized it, she was gone."
Lies close to reality flowed naturally from her tongue. Lying was one of the long list of things she was bad at; she always had her feelings written on her face.
"Somehow I don't remember. I don't know what she could have done to me. I'm sorry."
Louise made a bow.
"Alright." Her frown remained, however. "Help me look for her, then. She can't have gone far."
Her throat was dry. She swallowed hard.
The lies kept flowing too naturally. She knew they weren't her lies, that she wasn't just being Wardes in appearance.
"I wish this were just a nightmare," she thought.
She understood more than she wanted to. Something was flowing inside her.
Memories that weren't hers. Wardes wasn't dead, actually. Not completely.
Leave behind the Prison of the Distant Shadows of the Sinking Sun (2): FIN