"There has got to be some way to make the rest of the ice rink warm while keeping the ice frozen," Jay mumbled while sticking his hands in his coat pockets.
Hailey laughed and lightly shoved his arm. "Shut up. You'll survive. It's really not that bad, and you've been in worse."
"Not in a long time," Jay corrected, "Bolivia really doesn't get too bad during the winter, and there sure as hell wasn't snow."
"It's an ice rink, Halstead, not the Arctic," Adam shot back.
Jay leaned around Hailey and said, "I wasn't talking to you."
Adam held up his middle finger before his face broke into a grin. "Ass."
"Dick," Jay replied, leaning back to bring his feet up onto the bleacher in front of him.
"It's a children's hockey game, knock it off," Kim sighed.
Hailey shook her head as she laughed and stuck her hands between her legs because, admittedly, Jay was right: it was rather cold.
Jay had picked up Makayla from school the day before, and she'd invited him to her next hockey game. Since they'd had to miss the last one that Kevin had gone to, it'd been an easy yes.
When they'd arrived during the warm-up, Makayla's face had lit up, and she'd almost run into someone as she waved at them. The moment had been enough to distract them from the cold air of the rink, but now that they'd been sitting there for close to two hours, the novelty was starting to run off.
On the ice, Makayla sped around like it was nothing. She was still just a kid – and nowhere near perfect – but she was rather good at navigating her way through the others and getting close to scoring a goal. Every time she got anywhere near the net, they would all jump up and cheer for her, even if it ended in nothing.
"Any process on the name change?" Kim asked her as they all settled back into their seats.
"You'll get it next time!" Adam bellowed down at the ice.
"Chin up! You've got this!" Jay yelled.
Hailey smiled up at the two of them then let out a breath. "Actually, yeah, finally. I have my court date set for next week. It's ridiculous, honestly. If you do it when you get married, it's like nothing and super easy, but because I waited, now I have to jump through all these stupid hoops. So, when you two decide to-"
A smirk spread across Kim's face, and she pulled her left hand from her pocket. Slipping off her glove, she showed off a diamond ring sitting firmly on her ring finger.
"When we decide to try again?" she asked softly.
Hailey gasped and grabbed at her hand to get a better look at the ring. "What the hell?"
"It literally just happened," Kim laughed.
"What?" Jay asked, turning to face them.
Adam glanced over then chuckled. "Well, I wouldn't say just happened. It was last night after she came home from the case."
"Within twenty-four hours," Kim corrected, "Third time's the charm."
Hailey laughed and hugged her tightly. "I'm so happy for you. That's amazing."
"Thank you," Kim said softly, "I appreciate it."
"Congrats, man," Jay said, reaching over to shake Adam's hand, "About time you two made it official."
"You were there the other times," Adam laughed, "So it's about time it happened for real."
Kim nodded as she sat back. Looking down at her ring, she said, "Makayla's excited. I was actually glad you two came after she was already out there because she's been dying to tell someone."
"This is just an even bigger reason as to why we need to celebrate after the game," Hailey said, "We might not be able to take her to a bar, but how's ice-cream sound?"
"Like she's going to cry from happiness," Adam said, "You should have seen her this morning when we told her."
"Oh my god," Kim laughed, "She screamed, jumped around the room, then begged to be the Maid of Honor."
Hailey laughed with her. "That's adorable."
"Are you two gonna do the big thing?" Jay asked, "Or do you feel like taking a trip down to city hall? We can change Hailey's name and then get you two married."
Adam laughed. "I wouldn't mind more than a week to prepare."
"Yeah, nothing big," Kim said, "But-but something. There's nothing wrong at all about going to city hall like you two, but…"
"But you want it," Hailey finished with a smile, "And there's nothing wrong with that."
She still didn't regret her wedding. It was right for her and Jay and the state that their relationship was in. They needed the marriage to be official that day. There was no more time to wait.
And then when they renewed their vows, even then, she'd felt a little anxious to get it over with. She wanted it to happen almost as equally as she'd wanted to celebrate with Jay. Parties really just weren't her thing, and she knew that was okay. She didn't need to be the center of attention all the time.
But here she was now: one week away from legally changing her last name to match her husband's. It was so domestic and unlike anything she'd ever imagined for herself that she almost didn't believe it even though she'd been waiting months for this day. She had thrived on independence her entire life, and a big wedding and changing her last name had seemed to be the complete opposite of that.
However, because of Jay, she realized that tying herself to him was not getting rid of her independence. It was giving her more power and support to be that independent woman she'd grown up as.
Having Jay by her side gave her the strength to work on herself and go to work and be a good person. He showed her that she was possible of all the love and kindness she could offer and deserved to receive all of that in turn. There was nothing wrong with any of that.
She was her own person, and Jay just enhanced who she was. He gave her a heartbeat while she lived her life. He was her reason to keep pushing forward through all the good and the bad.
That wasn't being dependent or small.
That was being who she wanted to be.
Since she'd met Kim, she knew she was different. Kim's relationship with her parents wasn't perfect, but she still grew up with a different view of marriage and family and was much more optimistic on a happy ending. She wanted the family life before she even met Adam – the opposite of Hailey.
Without Jay, a true, honest family didn't seem possible or even necessary. Hailey doubted how she'd be as a mom and didn't want to mess anyone's future up because of her own past. But with Jay in her life and as her husband, she knew she could do it. He saw the good in her that she thought was too buried and hidden to be a proper mother. He believed in her so whole-heartedly that she knew she would be a good mom.
She knew she'd make mistakes, and her fears of her own upbringing didn't disappear, but that didn't make what she could be as a mother mean any less. Like Kevin had told her months before, she was not the first person to go through this. She wasn't the first wife of a commander in the army, and she wasn't going to be the first woman to have kids after being abused as a child. A family with Jay was possible, and it was going to happen when it was meant to, and Hailey couldn't wait.
Though she did hope that "when it was meant to" was a couple years in the future.
She wanted to at least have an anniversary with Jay in the same city as her before that happened.
At least.
"So no plans yet," Kim said, "But I'm sure Makayla has something cooking."
Adam laughed. "I think we're going to be looking for some big castle with the princess dresses and the rose petals. She loves hockey, but she's a damn romantic."
"What about you?" Jay asked, "Were you romantic when you got down on one knee last night?"
"I…did not," Adam chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck, "Just asked her on our bed."
"Nothing wrong with that," Hailey said quickly, "You know that we really didn't do anything crazy for our proposals either."
Kim glanced out at the rink and said, "Looks like we're…we're tied?"
"Yeah, guess we are," Adam laughed.
"No, no, we're tied!" Kim said quickly, shooting up in her seat, "We missed Mak's team get another goal. Adam, we're tied."
They all turned to see that the game was, in fact, tied at 3-3. And, to make it even more exciting, Makayla was the one with the puck, gliding down the middle of the ice right toward the net.
"Holy crap," Adam breathed, jumping off the bleacher. "Mak! Let's go, Mak! Come on, kid!"
The three of them started jumping up and down, clapping as Makayla made her way even closer to the net, the other players trailing behind her. One of the kids fell, taking out another on the way down, but none of it seemed to even faze Makayla. Before they knew it, she was raising her stick and the puck was flying through the air.
Right into the net.
Kim screamed and grabbed Adam as Hailey and Jay cupped their hands around their mouths and yelled out their congratulations. The rest of the arena was clapping as well, and it only increased when the buzzer went off a second later, signaling the end of the game.
"She won! She won the game!" Kim yelled, already running down the bleachers with Adam right behind her.
Hailey laughed and grabbed Makayla's hockey bag that Kim had just abandoned while the rest of the parents also made their way down the stands. She could wait to congratulate Makayla until the little girl was out of her hockey gear, and then she'd bring her to an ice-cream shop as an extra treat.
"That was awesome," Jay chuckled, "Good for her. She was telling me the other day that she hadn't gotten one in a while. Can't wait to congratulate her."
Hailey smiled as she nodded and crossed her arms. All the players on the ice were cheering around Makayla as their coach tried getting them to quiet down enough to listen to whatever he was saying. It didn't seem to get anywhere, and he soon gave up to let them all loose. Kim and Adam welcomed Makayla in their arms, and Adam began spinning her around in celebration.
"Kind of makes you think," Jay said quietly, bending down to whisper in her ear, "Maybe one day this will be us."
Hailey smiled and turned to look at him. "Even though you clearly cannot handle the cold?"
Jay laughed, straightening up. "Oh, I don't think our kids will play hockey – I mean, if that's what they want, then fine, I'll survive – but I was thinking more like baseball or soccer. Football if they insist."
"Football's too dangerous," Hailey said absentmindedly.
Jay smiled and hummed. "Can't have your kids breaking bones or getting concussions, huh?"
"Not when their dad was a bullet magnet in the field," Hailey countered with a laugh, "There's no way they'd walk out of that unscathed."
"Fair enough," Jay chuckled, "But maybe your good luck out there – avoiding the you know – will mean our kids will have their own good luck when getting tackled and making touchdowns."
"They're not playing football," Hailey stated simply, raising an eyebrow.
Jay laughed and tugged her into his side, kissing the top of her head as she laughed with him. "Got it. No football."
"But I'm okay with academic things too," Hailey said, "Like Science Olympiad or that doctor club or-"
"Doctor club?" Jay interrupted as a smirk spread across his lips, "Hailey, we cannot inflate my brother's head anymore than it already is."
She laughed and shook her head. "Our kids are allowed to be doctors, babe, it's not a bad career."
"Just a bit pretentious," Jay mumbled.
Hailey laughed harder and leaned into him. She could have kept pushing him for more, but then Makayla came running over to the bottom of their section of the bleachers and started jumping up and down in her socked feet.
"Did you see it?" she yelled, "Uncle Jay, you said I'd get a goal, and I did!"
"I did!" Jay yelled back, releasing Hailey and quickly making his way down the stands, "You were awesome!"
Hailey nodded quickly and hurried after him. "We are so proud of you! MVP for sure!"
Makayla laughed and hugged Jay tightly. "You're my good luck charm. That means you have to come to every game. I already told the team."
"Oh, boy, sounds like a commitment," Jay said as he squeezed her to him.
"Sounds like she's got another ride from now on," Adam chuckled.
Kim rolled her eyes and lightly hit his arm. "Mak, I don't know if Uncle Jay can come to every game."
"He can try," Makayla answered. She released Jay to squeeze Hailey and added, "I think Aunt Hailey needs to come too. Double the luck."
Hailey laughed and brushed her hand over Makayla's sweaty hair. "If we can come, we'd be happy to be your good luck charms, but, until then, I was thinking we could go celebrate with some ice-cream. Today was a big day."
Makayla gasped and stepped back. "I almost forgot! Maybe that's the good luck! Mom and Dad are engaged! Dad got her a diamond." She pulled at Kim's hand to show off the ring. "I think it's beautiful."
"It sure is," Hailey said, "Are you excited?"
"Oh my gosh, obviously," Makayla said, sitting when Adam nudged her slightly. He pulled her jersey and pads off of her, but she just continued to say, "I'm going to be the Maid of Honor."
"Says who?" Kim laughed. She grabbed the bag from Hailey and tossed Adam Makayla's crocs before beginning to stuff her gear into it.
"Me," Makayla answered, "Just because you're my mom doesn't mean we're not best friends."
If possible, Kim's smile widened, and Hailey felt her own heart nearly break in two. No matter what sports her kids eventually played or what their careers were years into the future, this was the kind of relationship she wanted with them: one filled with more laughter every day, excitement at all the little things, and a sort of friendship that she'd only ever craved with her own mom.
Some day, she'd get there, but, until then, she was perfectly fine with being the one who gives all the sugar to Makayla then leaving her with Kim and Adam to deal with the aftereffects of it.
On the morning of the court date to change her last name, Hailey stood in her underwear next to the bed staring at the outfits she'd laid out. On one half of the bed: a navy suit with a pink blouse. On the other: a dark green dress.
"Hail, you're gonna have to pick something out," Jay chuckled while coming out of the bathroom as he fixed the cuffs of his uniform.
She sighed and turned to look at him. "I just can't decide."
"Clearly," Jay said. He stood next to her and looked over the outfit choices. "What's wrong?"
"What's wrong?" Hailey repeated, "One of them is what I wear whenever I have to go to court for a case, and the other will make me look soft."
"Soft?" Jay laughed, "Hailey." He stepped over to the green dress and picked it up. "This is not soft. It's pretty, and I love you in green."
"I just want to make a good impression," Hailey explained, "I want to prove to the judge that I'm serious about this and that I want to have your last name."
"Then do that with your words," Jay breathed. He tossed the dress onto the bed then gently held her arms. "Answer the questions that she has for you, be patient, be polite, and it will all fall into place. I really don't think she can deny you, anyways. You've already gone through all the paperwork that's necessary. This last step is just a formality. You are going to be Hailey Halstead before either of us know it."
She let out a breath and relaxed in his grip. "I really hope so."
"I know so," Jay murmured. He leaned forward to kiss her forehead. "Whatever you pick will be perfect, but you do have to pick soon. You're going to be late."
She nodded and reached over to grab the dress. "I wish you could come."
"I know, me too," Jay sighed, "Damn tests."
Hailey smiled slightly and unzipped the dress so she could step into it. As Jay stepped behind her to help her get the fabric up, she said, "How's this group been doing? Think they're going to be as successful as the summer group?"
"Oh, yeah, not a problem at all," he answered softly. His hands smoothed down her back before he headed over to her dresser where her random jewelry boxes were sitting. He opened a few until he found her gold necklace and the matching bracelet. Silently holding them up, he waited for her nod in reply before bringing them over to her. When she held her hair to the side for him, he slipped her necklace around her neck and worked at the chain. "This group is…they're quicker and a bit more athletic than the summer group. They've been doing a lot better at the practical stuff right off the bat, but the academic stuff has been falling to the side. I don't get it."
Hailey hummed and waited for him to step back before turning herself to look at him. "Maybe the summer group was made of more people who were trying to get a hold of themselves? They needed a quick academy course to get them a job, they were determined and figured they'd get in shape as they went? These kids had all summer to get in shape, but they might have also gone all summer without reading or doing any sort of studying. Are they younger? Like fresh out of college?"
Jay thought for a minute then nodded slowly. "I think so. That makes sense then, thanks. Yeah, they…they just need to find their groove. Hopefully this second test will be better than the last one."
"I'm sure it will," Hailey said, "And now they know what to expect anyways. I believe in them."
Jay nodded and brushed his hand over her arm. "Just like I believe in you. Will you text me when it's done? No matter what happens, I want to know."
Hailey sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "Yeah, I can text you."
Jay kissed her quickly. "I love you."
"Love you too," Hailey murmured.
As Jay walked backwards out of the room, he said, "You've got this, Mrs. Halstead!"
She laughed and nodded, watching him leave and then listening to the front door open and close.
She needed this.
Thinking about changing her last name had been getting her slightly emotional over the past few days. The idea of further legally connecting herself to Jay was almost overwhelming. After thinking it was never going to happen to her to feeling like it'd been ripped from her hands, she didn't think this day was ever going to come. Even when she'd spent the past few months doing all the paperwork and going through the process of actually changing her last name, it didn't feel real until right now. She was about to go in front of a judge and formally ask, in person, for a change to her name.
She didn't want to be an Upton anymore. Like Theo had said, she'd found her freedom and had the ability to move forward from her past. She needed to make the final choice and decision to leave her childhood behind her and choose to live in love.
Jay was it for her, and this was going to be her final tie to forever.
Independence was not going to disappear when she got her new license and social security card. It did not matter what her last name was on her paycheck or if there was a hyphen there or not. She was who she was because of all she'd gone through with Jay, and that needed to be reflected everywhere it possibly could.
She didn't feel the need to change her last name when they first got married because it was just an extra step. At the time, she'd had Jay and a ring and a vow for forever, and that was more than enough. Changing her last name would have taken more time than she originally planned and might have slowed down the night that was otherwise taking place in the bubble of desperation and need.
There was nothing to prove with changing her last name. Being married to Jay was all the proof she needed for Voight and North and anyone else who questioned their instincts that they were making the right choice for them.
Now, changing her last name was for her. It was her last moment of love for Jay that would truly create their family and keep it bonded together when it eventually happened. They could be the Halsteads. Together. And no one could stop them.
As the words came out of her mouth in the court room, she tried keeping herself steady and calm, but there was something about wholeheartedly confessing her love for Jay to a complete stranger that was a bit overwhelming. Hailey felt stupid as she'd shakily wiped at the slightest of tears at the edge of her eyes while waiting for the judge to make her final decision. She didn't know where the extra emotions were coming from and couldn't decide if they were helping or hurting her case for changing her last name.
The judge was nice enough. Jennifer Collins. She was an older woman who looked familiar, like maybe she was a judge for a domestic case Hailey had to attend within the last year. She smiled along as she spoke and made limited notes on whatever papers were in front of her.
Still, though, she was intimidating. The tall chair and the black robes reminded Hailey all too well that this was court. It was not guaranteed to go her way, and she possibly could walk out of here as Hailey Upton. Fear and nerves took turns coursing through her with each breath she took and every time the judge nodded her head.
"You love your husband," the judge finally said as she closed a folder on her podium and leaned forward slightly.
Hailey smiled and nodded. "I do."
"But you love yourself, too," Judge Collins added, "That was clear. You see yourself as someone who has done some incredible things as a detective. You've gone undercover and worked through the night and have an impressive track record for your kidnapping cases alone."
Hailey's cheeks flushed, and her stomach churned. She was not expecting to hear about her job. She'd submitted some of her records and knew that the judge could look at it all, but she hadn't talked about it too much here today. Maybe she should have.
"Detective Hailey Upton," Judge Collins said gently, "I don't know if I've ever met a woman as determined as you during this name change process. I meet women, and some men, who dragged their feet in fear that the marriage wouldn't stick or because I'm their last stop in their divorce process. It's not often that I meet a woman who is changing her last name because she truly wants to like you do. You're passionate about this, and there's nothing wrong with that. You mentioned your upbringing, and I think that is a part of what this entire thing is for you, but I don't think it's the only reason. Not by a long shot.
"Hailey, approving this name change is perhaps one of the easiest things I'll be doing all day. You love your husband, but you love yourself just as much. That's not to say you've never experienced moments of doubt or fear. It's to say that you believe in yourself and you know in your gut that this is the next step of your life. You are aware of the pros and cons and what it all means for the world and for you."
Judge Collins smiled and sat back in her seat as her words sank in.
Hailey felt like the floor was falling beneath her. She'd been so determined that something was going to go wrong today that she didn't really think of what she'd say or do if her request was approved despite wanting it to happen so badly.
"I am honored to officially change your name to Hailey Anne Halstead," Judge Collins then said, and with a soft bang of her gavel, Hailey knew that was it.
She was Jay's.
While still completely and utterly being herself.
When she got to the car, Hailey was half-tempted to just drive to the academy to tell Jay in person that she was a Halstead. She was actually laughing in disbelief that there was a piece of paper on her passenger seat making the change official. Within a week, she'd get her new license and social security card in the mail reflecting her new last name. Before she knew it, Hailey Halstead was going to be written everywhere that mattered.
But then she drove out of the parking lot and found herself going in the opposite direction.
Her heart wanted her to go elsewhere, and she knew that it was what she needed to do right now. Not only could Jay wait to hear the news, but he'd understand why she needed to make a stop first.
The cemetery came into view before Hailey even really registered where she was going. It was like muscle memory as she parked the car and made her way through the tall gates.
She hadn't walked this path in months since she'd been here with Jay. At the time, she'd been wanting to prove to him that he was the right choice for her, that her uncle would have approved of him being the man for her. She'd needed it for herself, too. She always felt closer to her uncle when she was here at his headstone compared to when she was just sitting on her balcony staring at the sky.
Hailey slipped her heels off to lower herself to the ground next to the grey stone. Like always, her finger reached out to trace along the words that had once scraped tiny cuts into her skin.
With a weak laugh, she whispered, "Hi, Uncle DJ."
The breeze that ruffled through her hair felt like a reply.
She smiled and brushed the back of her fist under her eye. "I did it," she said softly, "I officially changed my name this morning. I've been working at it for a while, but it was finally all approved today. I had to go in front of a judge and everything. Pretty crazy, huh?"
She let out a breath and turned to lean against the headstone. The grass was cold beneath her bare legs, but there was some comfort in knowing that winter was coming. Uncle DJ had loved the coziness of the Christmas season while also reminding her to find the beauty in the fall colors. Even now, Hailey could take in the few trees around that still had the bright colors on them compared to the brown piles at their trunks.
"Jay couldn't come with me because he had an important test at work, but he would have if he could. I think, though, that it was good he wasn't there. I changed my last name for me – it was a personal choice. He never pressured me. He was good about that. He likes that I do things when I want and how I want. Well…most of the time."
Two years ago, she'd sat here many days whispering what she'd done to Roy Walton. She'd needed to get the guilt off of her chest, and no one listened better than her uncle.
Even if he'd been able to talk back to her, she knew he would not have shamed her or forced herself to turn herself in. Like Jay, he could see why she had done what she'd done, and maybe he wouldn't have approved of every single choice she'd made, he at least would have supported her and loved her through it all. Just like Jay had done.
"Do you think we should celebrate with a fancy dinner tonight? Is this a thing people celebrate? I mean, we've celebrated much less like Jay's first day of the semester and when I closed a case last week. Maybe…don't judge me. I'm about to say something kind of romantic."
She laughed and wiped at the tears that still spilled down her cheeks. Uncle DJ had believed in love and told her she deserved to experience it for years. She'd been so hesitant after being cheated on or dumped or even just after seeing the relationship between her parents, but he didn't give up on her. He continuously told her that she was going to some day get all the love in the world as the best form of karma that existed.
Still, though, he recognized that she wasn't the most romantic person in the world, and he teased her for it. His little firefly wasn't a Disney princess like the other girls in the neighborhood, and he was more than okay with that. He liked that she was a bit more like Athena and a little less like Cinderella.
"Maybe all the celebrations are good things because they just prove that Jay is the right choice for me. He brings out the happiness in my life that I might have otherwise ignored. Because of him, I laugh more and smile everyday. That is worth celebrating. I know that. I deserve to be happy, and Jay gives me that. It's why I wanted to be Hailey Halstead. I hope you understand that."
She let out a shaky breath and closed her eyes.
"I wish you would have been at our wedding – either of them, honestly. You would have been my first call for the courthouse, I swear, because I would have trusted that you wouldn't call Mom. She didn't need to be there for that."
Uncle DJ would have met them at the courthouse whether or not she invited him to come. He'd wanted to walk her down the aisle at her wedding, and she couldn't see how the courthouse would have been any different. While she and Jay said their vows, he would have stood off to the side, probably with a phone in hand, taking pictures of their every move. Before they could go home and celebrate alone, he would have invited them out to dinner, bought too many glasses of wine for them all, and then insisted they get dessert – all on him. She would have agreed to it all, and it would have been the wedding of her dreams.
Had her mom been there, whether her uncle was there or not, she just would have gotten in the way. Been too loud about taking pictures. Asking them to speak louder so she could hear. Maybe even make one too many comments about eloping compared to having a "real" wedding. Backhanded compliments about both her and Jay. Too much stress and not enough love.
Life without her parents in it over the past few months had been good and peaceful. There wasn't anyone over her shoulder looking at her life through rose-colored glasses. No one had scoffed when she spoke or had talked highly of the man who was supposed to have raised her to be strong and confident, not in fear. She loved her mother, and even her dad a bit too, but she knew when lines needed to be drawn in the sand. Some things were painful, yet needed to be done for the right reasons.
"I'm guessing you would have worn that navy suit to the vow renewal, had you been there. Remember that one? It's kind of worn on the sleeves, and you used to swear you actually fit into it in high school. I'm still not sure that's true, but, either way, it's what you're wearing now, right? You loved that suit, so there was no other choice than to bury you in it."
Her mom had picked out a plain black suit when it came time to dressing Uncle DJ for his funeral. She'd thought it would look classy. Hailey – and her brothers, in the end – disagreed completely. If Uncle DJ was going to go to a nice event, then he was going to wear his old navy suit that everyone jokingly said he needed to throw out. Maybe there was a world where he would have passed it down to Nik or Theo or maybe even Hailey to give her future husband, but that didn't exist right now. The suit needed to be buried with him, and, because of that, Hailey could confirm that's what he was wearing at her vow renewal.
"You were there; I know you were, but it doesn't make it any easier. You weren't there. You-You couldn't watch me walk down the aisle or say my promise to Jay to love him forever. We could have danced and drank and-and you could have met my friends – my family."
Hailey broke off to cry into her hands. A sob wracked through her body at the thought that her uncle wasn't here now or at either of her weddings or would be at any of the events she was eventually going to experience. She had Jay, and he was always going to be her family, but the absence of the man who'd practically raised her was overwhelming on today of all days.
It was the true start of her forever, her independence while tying herself to her husband, and the only one who really knew from her family what she was doing was her younger brother. Other women surely had their parents to support them, aunts and uncles, a cousin or two, maybe even a sister.
And she had just one singular person.
She loved Theo and was ecstatic to have him back in her life, but a part of her was always going to crave more – crave the father she nearly had.
The granite eventually grew cold against her back, and the grass caused goose bumps to pop up on her legs. The tears had slowed on her cheeks and tightened her throat, but a feeling of peace still wrapped around Hailey in comfort.
She was cried out.
Uncle DJ wasn't there to hold her, and he never would be, but he would continue to listen to whatever was weighing on her heart. She could talk here in the cemetery or late at night in bed, and he would be there for her whenever she asked. All she needed to do was release her worries and fears, and he would take them away from her – just like he'd done when he was still here with her.
"I love you," she said with a sniffle as she pushed up on her knees and faced the headstone. Her pointer finger came out to trace along the words, and she sighed. "I'll be okay. I am okay. I don't think I anticipated changing my last name would be so emotional, but that happened, so…"
She trailed off with a laugh and wiped at her eyes.
"I never thought I'd be like this, but here we are. Maybe that's what happens when you grow up and mature: you realize it's okay to have feelings different than fear. Or maybe I'm like this because of Jay and how he loves me; he showed me it's okay to let it all out instead of keeping it inside. I think…I think I'm better off this way. I'm happier, lighter. You would be proud of me – actually, I know you're proud of me. I don't think I could have officially changed my last name to Halstead if I thought you wouldn't have approved of Jay and everything I've done the last few years.
"Uncle DJ, I've done everything you wanted for me: I have the support and a home and a man who loves me more than anything. I-I did it, and I got out. I'm okay."
Hailey brushed her fingers under her eyes to catch the last few tears then breathed in slowly. As she stood up, she set her hand on top of the headstone and smiled down at her uncle.
"I love you," she whispered, "Thank you for everything."
Placing her heels back on, she kept her eyes on the headstone until it was time to go. She would be back, but she had another important man to see first.
Hailey stepped into the police academy as a handful of students were walking out the front door. Some smiled at her while others stared at the floor as they went, muttering questions and potential answers to themselves on their way. She'd yet to come in and talk to this group of future police officers, but she knew it was only a matter of time before she did. Jay had made a comment about wanting to see how this new group did with the material and what exactly they needed before having her give a lecture. It made her excited to think that maybe she could talk about something different and have a real impact on what the recruits were learning.
She made her way into the office area and smiled at the secretary before walking over to Jay's cubicle. He wasn't there, so she sat in his chair and pulled out her phone. Staring at the screen, she wondered what information she needed to change first or if at all. She had an appointment for the following day for her license and social security number at the Secretary of State, but there were little things that she figured she could do right now.
Email signature.
Make Trudy aware.
Post office.
For a second, she debated telling her mother, but Theo already knew, and that was really all that mattered. It wasn't that she didn't love her mom or want her involved in her life, but that there didn't seem to be a point in her knowing. She was still her daughter no matter what her last name was, just like she was still Uncle DJ's niece and still a detective and still Jay's wife.
Her name was for her and her alone; she didn't need her mother's approval.
She had just hit submit on her name change for the doctor's office when she finally heard the person's voice she'd been craving for the last few hours: "I wasn't expecting to see you, Mrs. Halstead."
Hailey looked up at Jay with a laugh. "And why not? I needed to come celebrate with my husband."
He shook his head and leaned down to kiss her forehead. "It went well?"
"Yeah, of course." Hailey moved out of the chair and jumped up to sit on the edge of Jay's desk. He took her place then set his hands over her dress on her thighs. She smiled down at them and lightly brushed her fingers over the back of his wrists. "She was really nice, actually. Supportive, too. She got why I was doing it: it was for me, not you or society or whatever. I liked that."
"I like that too," Jay said, "Did it take a long time? I would have thought you'd be done sooner."
"I was. I just took a little drive after to…"
Trailing off, Hailey breathed in slowly and met Jay's eyes. There wasn't any reason to be embarrassed, especially in front of him, but she suddenly found what she'd done incredibly vulnerable. She'd sat next to a headstone for who knows how long whispering her thoughts and grief to her dead uncle. Not exactly a way to celebrate changing her last name.
Jay tilted his head to the side and rubbed his thumb in small circles. Slowly, he trailed his left hand down her leg so that his wedding ring dragged along her bare skin. When it reached her ankle, he squeezed it gently and murmured, "You can tell me."
"I went to the cemetery," she blurted, "I needed to see my uncle. I needed…I needed to tell him what I did."
Jay smiled and nodded slightly. "That makes sense."
"Yeah?" Hailey asked, a small smile starting to spread across her face, "Because it felt good to let it all out. I know he couldn't reply, but he was there to listen to me. Kind of like therapy, but more meaningful."
Jay chuckled. "I get that. I've done the same thing with my parents. Sometimes it just helps to feel closer to them. It's different than doing it at home."
Hailey nodded and reached out to brush her hand over his hair. "Do you do it a lot?"
"Do what?" Jay countered.
"Talk to them," Hailey explained, "Tell them what's going on or ask them for advice."
"Uh, yeah, I do," Jay said with a deep breath. He rubbed his hands over her legs and smiled slightly. "I told my mom I was going to propose that third time as I drove home and then again when we got married. I tell her most of the stuff, but I do tell my dad things occasionally. Like when we went to the cabin for Labor Day, I told him that morning before we drove up there."
Hailey hummed and nodded along.
"I figure she tells him everything, anyways," Jay murmured.
Hailey laughed softly. "Did she always do that?"
"Of course," Jay scoffed, "And he'd bring it up at the weirdest times. Once, my junker in high school was in the shop, so he picked me up. It started as the usual 'School go okay?' and 'Yeah, how's work?' then 'You know,' before nothing. It was fine, but then we're right around the block from home, and he goes, 'Ma said you asked a girl to prom. Do you like her?'" He broke off in a laugh and shook his head. "As if I'd ask a girl I didn't like to prom, but I know what he meant: he wanted to make sure I was being respectful, so I said yeah and told him I asked her after our ice-cream date the week before. He was cool with it and that's the last we talked about it until the actual prom."
Hailey's mind lit up with the idea of Jay going to prom, so she swung her legs forward to lightly nudge his sides and asked, "And how'd it go?"
"Prom or the conversation?" Jay asked with a laugh.
"Both."
"Good. It was all good. He gave me money the day before for a corsage and let me take his truck to pick her up, which was really just a step above mine. It was Allie, so," he trailed off with a shrug, and Hailey nodded knowingly.
He'd told her a handful of stories about his high school girlfriend, just like she'd shared stories of her own boyfriend from her teenage years. It was always in good fun, and never once did she get jealous or feel like Jay was. Sharing pieces of their past started years and years before when they were still friends. They'd have a whiskey or two at a bar and just needed to let go of a case, so their minds would wander to anything vaguely fun or interesting or at least different than what they'd dealt with all day. Usually, Hailey would go home feeling grateful that Jay was there to blow off some steam with her and make her laugh. Nights like those always reminded her that he was human with a past – not just some detective or army vet that only ever existed in the department.
"What color did you guys wear?" she asked softly.
Jay raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"
"To prom," she explained with a laugh, "What color was her dress? Mine was black."
Jay snorted and nodded. "Of course it was."
"What?" Hailey laughed, "It was pretty! There were sequins. It was not some goth thing."
Jay raised an eyebrow, but still chuckled as he asked, "Do you still have it?"
"My prom dress?" Hailey clarified. When Jay nodded, she squinted her eyes in thought then slowly shook her head. "I think I actually got rid of it before the last apartment. I can't fit in it anymore, anyways. That was like fifteen years ago."
"Oh, come on," Jay said, "You could fit-"
"Jay," she said warningly.
He stopped himself quickly and nodded.
"Could you fit in your high school tux?" she countered.
"No," he admitted with a laugh, "I definitely could not do that. I was so small."
Hailey burst into laughter and said, "What?"
"I was," Jay chuckled, "I didn't go to the gym too much – or literally ever. My dad had some weights in the basement, and sometimes Will and I would screw around with them, but they were not my thing until after my first tour."
"And now you're insanely strong," Hailey said softly. She trailed her hands to his arms and squeezed. "It's impressive. I've liked when we go to the gym together. You look…it's pretty hot to watch you lift weights."
Jay raised an eyebrow. "It is?"
Hailey nodded and brushed her thumbs over his uniform sleeves.
He glanced over his shoulder out of the cubicle and let out a breath. Looking back at her, he lowered his voice so it came at just above a whisper and settled deep within the heat of her stomach. "Tell you what, let's do it. Let's redo our proms now that we're better looking and in a real relationship. I can wear a suit that actually fits and shows off my arms for you-" He was cut off by Hailey's laugh that just made his smirk grow. "And you can wear a black, sequined dress to prove to me that you weren't goth while also showing me how you should have been the blonde I went home with at the end of the night."
"So we're going to go dancing?" Hailey asked through her wide smile, happiness at the possibility of what was to come at Jay's newest idea of a date night.
"We're going to do something that involves a black tie event," Jay said, "It can be a celebration of your new last name and our official debut as the Halsteads."
Hailey laughed at the idea. Just a week before, Jay had bought a motorcycle and they'd gone driving around the city, stopping at a hole in the wall bar for tequila shots, before coming home and having drunken sex all night. It was the complete opposite of a black tie event. That was their usual style for everything in life. Unplanned and risky. But it was also what always gave them the most fun.
Maybe a planned, fancy night out was something they needed right now. The life-threatening situations were fun mostly because the two of them were together and their blood was pumping at the possibilities of what could happen. Dressed in a gown and suit could still give them adrenaline because the two of them weren't dancers and they weren't super fancy people. They wouldn't know what was to come, and she had no idea where Jay would even take her. But Jay would be dressed up, and that was sure to get her heart pumping. It would be different than usual, but it would be fun. Being together was always what they did best.
"Yeah," she said softly, "Let's go to prom, Jay Halstead."
He laughed and stood up to lean against the desk and press a kiss to her waiting lips. "Let's go to prom," he whispered back.
A/N: I'd love to hear what you think :) Thank you for reading!