Author's note: As part of this story, I employ ciphers for some text. It is decipherable, but it is not necessary to decipher it to understand the story.

So no, you are not crazy.

Asuka drifts through space, warm, secure. She holds her knees close to her chest. It's fine here, really.

For some reason, she opens her eyes again. It's dark. She remembers last time, and she closes them again. She doesn't care if she's alone. As long as–

Asuka.

The voice jolts Asuka and she releases her legs. She sees nothing, she's floating in the dark again. That… thing, isn't here. It–

She turns, and a short distance away is the figure, in a brilliant orb of light.

"No," she stutters in trepidation, recoiling.

Asuka, it continues, do not fear.

Asuka stares. It speaks with authority, but it does not move.

I will not tgomh you again.

"Stay away from me," she commands, willing herself to drift farther.

Be patient, Asuka. I only came because you called me. You were in need.

"I need nothing!" she shouts.

No? Then why do you wake each day in tjyzidsnson, fearful of your very friends?

Asuka shudders involuntarily.

Why did what Shinji said scare you so?

'It's like she's the only one that's not happy.'

Asuka groans and covers her ears. "Shut up, shut up, shut up."

You are not well, Asuka. I can help.

"Leave me alone!" Asuka cries.

Metal slams into metal, hydraulic drives pivot at breakneck speeds, massive voltages flow with a vibration all around her. The figure is gone, and for a moment it's dark again. She feels the control reels in her palms, familiar to her hands. Comforting.

"First contact is beginning." The voice comes through the speaker.

"Run it down." It's Misato's voice.

"Circuits are firing… loop is complete."

"Continue," says Misato.

"Sync rate is nominal to high."

"Harmonics are normal."

"Ready for launch in T-minus 60 seconds."

Asuka can feel the LCL in her lungs. It's like the first breath she's taken in a long time.

"Second contact is beginning."

"Show me a clean nerve cascade," commands Misato.

Asuka smiles.

The inside of the plug radiates, a torrent of white light reflects in little starlets through the LCL. First Rei sees a spectrum, the black intermass, the red nebula, the black intermass again, the blue fractal, then clarity.

She's in the hangar, under Tokyo-3.

"Nerve cascade complete. Pilot engaged."

Wait, why is she here?

"Some noise on the synchronization table."

"Stay focused, Asuka!" barks Misato.

"Focused," she says. It's her old voice, from her right body. How can she focus if she doesn't know why she's here?

"The mission is at hand!" says Misato. "The enemy had penetrated the perimeter. Contact is imminent."

Asuka.

Asuka jolts. Along with Misato's face, another feed opens in her plug. It's the… the thing.

It's awash in light, but in the center… there's a face, isn't there? Why can't she see it clearly?

Asuka–

"Don't try and stop me!" she barks at it.

I will not.

That's not what Asuka expected.

It seems this is what must happen.

"First lock bolt released."

"Removing umbilical bridge."

"Stay focused, Asuka!" commands Misato. "Shinji and Rei cannot help you now."

What? "What about Mari?" says Asuka.

"Mari isn't here!" says Misato with increasing conviction. "You have to do this yourself!"

Myself?

"Lieutenant!" It's someone in control. "The enemy–angel fourteen–it's taking shape!"

Misato grits her teeth. "Launch the eva before it has any more time!"

"Lieutenant, we don't know its capabilities!"

"It doesn't matter!"

Asuka has a fraction of her usual confidence. Something is wrong about this. She knows her sync rate is falling.

Misato slams her palm onto the console. "Asuka, listen to me!"

Asuka bolts upright in her seat.

"This is the final hour, do you understand me? You will go up there and you will destroy that thing, or everything we fought for will be for nothing!"

Asuka sucks in her breath. Everything they fought for…

Asuka, the voice speaks again. The voice is level, assured, total. This is what you were born to do.

Asuka grits her teeth, her lips pulling into a snarl. She leverages her feet against the pedals, and grips the control reels, muscles taut from her wrists to her shoulders, her back arches in the seat.

"Launch the eva!" Misato shouts.

There is a stomach-plunging jolt as Asuka is hurled upward at three hundred kilometers per hour.

Rattling in her seat, prepared for contact, Asuka looks one last time at the feed of the brilliant being.

Do not relent, it says.

The feed terminates.

Asuka feels the shock of sunlight on her skin as she arrives at the emergence gantry, the bang sending flocks of birds from nearby trees. The platform moves under her feet, and she detaches from the electric rail.

She is ready to fight.

But where is the angel?

She feels it before she sees it. She looks up, and up, then they perceive each other.

"What…?" She gasps. "What the hell is that?"

A black orb of indeterminate size hovers above the high rises of Tokyo-3. A dim pattern swirls under its abyssal skin, its only feature a single, humanoid eye, parted wide, staring directly into her.

It's dead, that's what it is.

Without waiting for it to move, she bolts forward, and the shockwave of her footfalls makes the buildings around her tremble. Pressing off with both feet, she rockets hundreds of meters into the air, turning over once, her glaive suddenly in her hands.

She screams a life-tearer's scream, cutting into the black orb like a beast.

The eye closes right before she makes contact, and she meets no resistance. Instead, she feels a shock of cold and a plummeting feeling. She's disoriented. Then, the dim warmth of daylight again, and she sucks in a breath. The ground is hurling toward her. She turns just in time and manages to land on her feet, tearing up two hundred meters of the road into rubble before grinding to a stop. She clenches the glaive with a death grip.

"What…?"

She looks up, and the orb is intact. She seemed to pass right through it.

"No damage!" from control.

"The entity is phased," says Ritsuko. "Tss."

"Tell us how to kill it, Ritsuko!" Misato barks.

The mass contorts, then a new eye opens up in the blackness, piercing Asuka once again. Asuka shudders. She can feel its gaze on her skin, deeper than her skin. It's horrific.

She acts on instinct.

She smashes one foot into the ruined street in front of her, grinding a street light into nothing. She takes the glaive in her right hand, cocking it back for a mighty throw. She mustn't miss.

She unleashes the glaive with such force that the wind rips after it, every tree on the street casting its branches in its wake.

The eye closes the instant before impact, the glaive passes through where the eye was without disturbance, and Asuka senses it fly out the other side, its trajectory taking it far out of reach.

The eye opens again, beholding Asuka.

Asuka feels a pang of fear, but chooses anger. "Damn it!" she cries.

"You've done well, Asuka," says Misato, "but we may need to regroup."

"Something's happening!" It's control.

Something is happening. A night-black shadow has materialized under the thing, and is rapidly expanding toward her.

"Asuka, get out of there!" shouts Misato.

Asuka turns and begins to sprint away. She can sense it behind her, it's fast, impossibly fast. She knows she can't let it touch her. When the shadow is at her heels, she leaps all the way to the top of a twenty story building. She lands, but it forces her to pause.

"Asuka!"

Asuka's face falls as she feels the shadow roll under her. At first it seems nothing happens, but when she tries to stand, there's no resistance under her feet.

"Eject the plug!"

"No." It's not Misato this time. It's Gendoh.

Asuka kicks her feet, desperation growing in her chest. She can't move, she can't escape, the darkness is getting closer to her.

Misato turns her back in the feed.

"Commander!"

"This is how it must be," he says with finality.

There's something in the blackness, something she doesn't want to touch. Crazed, she looks at the eye again. It is peering into her, through her armor, through her flesh, through her suit, through her skin.

Into her naked and disgusting heart.

She screams as the darkness envelops her.

"Asu–" Misato's feed cuts out.

All the feeds cut out.

Immediately, Asuka is suspended in an infinite blackness, only this one is different from before. This darkness hates her.

"No!" she screams, slamming the control reels to their extremes.

Unit 02 flails, kicking, slashing, biting. But there is nothing to hit. Nothing to harm. Nothing to even stand on. She continues wiggling, lashing out now and again. Until finally she falls still.

She has been defeated.

"No…" she groans.

Asuka.

The bright thing returns, the only feed in the dark plug.

"Leave me alone!" she shouts at it.

I will not.

Hating herself, Asuka begins weeping.

Will you relent so quickly? This fight is not over.

"I can't fight that thing," she whines.

Strength of arms alone will not deliver you victory. Your fear is holding you back.

"I fear nothing!" she shrieks.

Prove it, then. Free yourself.

She slams the control reel again, futilely. It's all she can do, because she's broken, worthless, useless.

Lies.

"What would you know?" Asuka whimpers.

Enough to help you, the voice replies. Asuka, what did you do to Shinji last night?

Asuka's eyes shoot wide.

The darkness spasms, slithers, and begins to take shape. Eyes, mouths, faces. They hate her.

Shinji's face appears before her, contorted with horror and despair.

"A… su… ka…" it rasps in the deep.

She screa

Asuka sits bolt upright on her mat, rocking back and forth. What is she feeling?

She looks at her hand. It's trembling again. She feels hot in the middle. Twisted. She looks over and notes dimly that Kensuke is not on the mat with her. Her mouth feels dirty. She didn't brush her teeth.

She rises to her feet unsteadily, and after five steps she realizes that what she's feeling is the need to throw up. She stumbles to the toilet just in time, collapsing in front of it as she disgorges a lot of foul-tasting liquid. She spits. Some of it got on her hair.

She drags herself up and into the shower. Staying still will only make her feel worse, she knows from experience. She doesn't bother pulling the curtain, the water splashing out onto the tile around her. After a long time, she turns off the hot water, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around herself. She wraps another around her hair, trailing over her back.

She looks at the clock. It's after nine. Kensuke will have gone to work long ago–except it's Saturday, she realizes.

Then last night comes back to her.

A chorus of cicadas chirps longingly into the warming Summer air.

Another wave crashes into the side of the Ishimura, the cold salt blast rolling up the side and over the right side of Asuka's body. Her hair is protected under her beanie, as usual. The thick, waxed fabric of her shirt and trousers keeps the wetness away, heavy black boots gripping the sodden deck.

Her muscles protest the vigorous activity, but nothing cures a hangover like hard work, in her experience.

She moves the large hand-crank in time with Kisho on starboard side. They let out the net, meter by meter. It will be filed with tuna in short order.

She keeps imagining that her phone is ringing, but she left it in her locker. She has no intention of answering, anyway.

There are dense clouds above, but not storm clouds. They will roll past. Storms come suddenly during Summer in Sagami Bay, but Asuka's gut tells her it's safe. It is a good day for a day-trawl. Just what Asuka needed.

Captain Ishikawa eyes her from within the helm. He'd given her a lot of grief this morning. "And why should I take you out when you won't take my calls?" he'd asked her.

"Because I'm the best," she'd replied.

It's not true, probably. Genko is the best, he was practically born on the salt. But he's not here, is he?

He'd also asked her why she'd want to work a Saturday. She never works Saturdays unless it's a multi-day haul on Kameko, a long trawler. Sundays, sometimes, but not Saturday. She'd said nothing in reply. That, if anything, seemed to convince him.

How long has it been? She looks up at the clouds, tries to locate the sun. She can taste the alt on her lips, her wraparound glasses protecting her from the UV light. She has the best eyes on deck. The sun evades her, but she senses it is at least four. They're at the three quarter point in the bay, just passing Atami. They won't be back before dark.

Suits her fine.

Asuka checks her phone for the first time today standing before the door to their home.

Three missed calls from Mari, one from Rei, one from Kensuke. None from Shinji.

She walks through the door still wearing her fishing gear, hauling her bag. She drops it by the entrance. It's dark outside, and only a few of the lights inside are on. One is the light above Kensuke's workbench.

He sits there, holding some device in his hands, forgotten. He stares at her, an uncertain expression on his face. She'd hoped he wouldn't be home.

She comes back from work smelling like the sea. He almost always greets her with a kiss anyway. He calls them 'fishy kisses.' He doesn't seem to want any fishy kisses tonight.

He moves, maybe he's going to say something? But Asuka walks past him to the shower.

She bathes herself in silence. Occasionally she can hear him using some tool at his bench. His movements are slow, unsure. He's not himself.

She gets out of the shower, and decides she doesn't feel like eating. She starts brushing her teeth.

"Asuka…"

She turns around, an unreceptive look on her face.

Kensuke stands in the walkway between her and the bed. His body language is hesitant.

"I don't suppose I'll convince you to talk, eh?"

She turns around and spits into the sink. "I'm not in the mood to talk."

When she looks again, he seems deflated. It reminds her of Shinji. She hates looking at him.

"Right…" he says. He stands there, not knowing what to do. He rubs his jaw.

Asuka walks past him to their sleeping area, pulls up the blanket and climbs onto her tatami.

He stands behind her for an agonizingly long time. She clenches her teeth.

"Why don't you get in bed, or leave me the hell alone?" she says.

Wordlessly, he walks over, grabs his mat, and carries it down the walk to his work area, laying it back down.

A painful feeling moves through Asuka's chest, but it's accompanied by relief. Finally she can get some sleep.

Her head is moving a hundred kilometers an hour, but exhaustion is on her side.

Oblivion takes her.

Asuka smiles, hugging her knees to her chest. She floats effortlessly. This is fine, this is good. She takes a deep breath.

The smell of LCL awakens memories.

LCL?

She opens her eyes. It's dark, but the outlines of the plug screen track in her vision. Some of the panels are on.

She's still here? Her stomach sinks. She's still here.

She lets go of her legs, drifting back down into the pilot's seat. That doesn't mean…

In the yawning blackness before her, she can see the outline of Shinji's face, his mouth stretching wide in torment.

Her heart rate spikes.

A feed opens over Shinji's face, the brightness blinding her.

Asuka, do not panic.

Bleary eyed, Asuka grabs her hair and pulls it over her cheeks. "No, no, no…"

Asuka, why don't you appraise the situation?

She doesn't want to appraise anything. Her will to win is a ghost.

Asuka, the voice challenges her, be yourself!

A tinge of the old anger moves in her chest.

"And what would you know about me!" she shouts.

Enough to help you, it replies.

"Who are you?!"

I am dwyzer jys.

Asuka blinks. It didn't make any sense. "Why are you helping me?"

Because I lgpo you.

"That doesn't make any sense!" Asuka says.

I knew it would not. Because you are not ready.

"That doesn't make any sense…" Asuka repeats.

Would you like me to tell you? What happened?

Asuka is going to ask how it would know again, but she bites her lip. The only thing blocking her vision from the horror outside of Unit 02 is this little square of light. This one surviving feed. She takes a few short breaths, resolving herself.

She looks directly at it. "Tell me, then."

Very well.

A few days ago, at the threshold of the Doors of Gmz, you were suspended in a trap laid by Ikari Gendoh. Apart, in a way, from the rest of hmgknils, and from the csocal torrent of the so-called Human Instrumentality.

When final conflicts were resolved and Tgnkl agency granted but for an epochal instant to the one provisionally named Ikari Shinji, you were in a unique position to resist.

Asuka sits, features slack, eyes wide in complete attention.

And you do resist, don't you, Asuka?

Asuka's personality feels far away, but the words form on her lips anyway. "You had better believe it."

Indeed. For you were our Fiercest. Our Foremost. And you saw yourself this way as well. Defender of Humanity, and, if worse came to worse, the Last Defender of Humanity, if need be.

Asuka breathes in bursts through her nose.

However, this resistance worked against you in this way; unlike most of hmgknils, drawn into the torrent back to a pacified cgmwic sphere, a restored pduxe, you were unable to be completed during the psmcagw.

Asuka blinks. "Completed?"

Now, in this place, you have erected a suitable adfogojs, a pksmhodiqicsf stage which serves as a cgjsng mechanism for you. However, together, I believe we can navigate this adfogojs to achieve your rwmdorsnson.

I perceive that much of this will not make sense to you. Yet.

There are other factors at play, as well. Let us review those later. Extraneous details might distract you from your mission.

The feed terminates, leaving Asuka alone with the heaving ghouls in the distant darkness. "No!" she reacts.

She grabs the control reels. They are slack.

Defeat your foe, and you shall have your reward.

"Wake up, damn it!" she cries.

Data feeds resume and a surge of energy moves through Unit 02. Operating lights turn back on, casting a shadow of a glow into the void, illuminating more faces. She shudders inwardly.

An alarm sounds. Power critical reads on central display.

Asuka, you have little time.

"I know that!" she rages.

Trying not to panic, she searches around her, but there is nothing but darkness and horror, every direction she looks.

Asuka, this is a trap as well. Do not be deceived.

Her upper back muscles spasm, teeth clenched. She will not be imprisoned again. She needs… she needs something to grab hold of.

"Tell me what to do, if you know everything!"

Where is it you want to go?

Out. Out of his hell, this hole. She blinks.

Which means she needs to go up.

She looks up, and there, somewhere far above her, is a point of light. There is something leading from that light, leading to it. A long chain, a column of some kind. The end, it is not far from her.

She growls as she lunges at it, reaching toward it. She has no thrusters, only will. She snarls, and it moves closer to her.

With a cry, she stretches out and sinks her fingers into the mass. A pulse of energy moves from it, down her arm, into her chest.

'Asuka really thinks she's one of a kind, doesn't she?'

Asuka blinks. It's a different voice. It's Ayame, from class, way back in Tokyo-3.

Her grip loosens.

Asuka! Do not relent!

She grips harder, pulling herself up the chain and grabbing it higher. She feels another pulse.

'Some girls are just mean.' This time it's Kaiya.

Asuka grimaces. Her harmonics are wavering, she knows they are.

You must not be deterred.

Tss. Like anyone or anything could stop her.

She grabs the chain again, and again, launching herself higher, and higher.

'Asuka Langley Sohryu, please pay attention in class.'

'There goes the Wunderkind again. Showing off as always.'

'Don't be reckless, Asuka! We need to work together!'

Her stomach is tight, and there is a tension in her chest, like a tightened spring. Her eyes are wet, she realizes. Tears dissolve into the LCL.

The light. It's getting closer.

'What were you thinking, Asuka?! You almost got yourself killed!'

Ritsuko.

'You're not the only one who can pilot an eva.'

Misato.

'You fight well, Asuka. But maybe winning isn't everything.'

Kaji.

Asuka sputters, almost losing her grip. The higher she climbs, the stronger the force she feels pulling her down.

Asuka, the 'angel' understands it cannot best you in physical combat. It is waging a psychological offensive on you.

Where she's weakest.

Do not fall for this deception, Asuka. Or did might alone carry you so far against implacable foes?

Asuka scowls, squeezing tears from her eyes.

No, not might alone.

She crushes the organic matter under her next grip, hurling herself upwards.

'Evas are reflections of their pilots' hearts. You don't need to be dependent on them, you can be happy without them.'

Rei.

'Why do you have to fight all the time, Asuka?'

Shinji.

'I have to be the best. I can't be a failure. Not again.'

Herself.

She's panting. Her hands hurt, touching this thing. Her lungs hurt, heaving in her ribcage. Her heart hurts, ran through with memories. She seizes upon the bright light over her head. It's close.

She did not come this far for failure.

She launches herself into the opening.

For a few moments, she experiences weightlessness. There is no space here, no ground. Only will. There is Another. It seeks to bar her. She will not be barred.

An eruption of fury, Asuka hurls herself through it like a meteor.

"Oh my God!" cries someone in control.

Asuka erupts from the surface of the angel like it is an egg. Her left arm pushes the eye out, blood and tendons spilling out after it, her right arm ripping a hundred meter gash in its body.

Gripped in her right hand is the resonant ruby heart of the thing. Its core.

The mass of the thing corrodes around her, its form decomposing away as she floats there, defying gravity. She holds the core in front of her, preparing to crush it between her fingers.

Instead, it explodes of its own volition, leaving behind a small speck underneath.

Asuka's fury recedes, just a little. What is this?

Misato's feed cuts in. "Asuka! Don't stop now!"

It is not a speck. It is a thing. Small, but… it is humanoid. It's a child. A girl!

Asuka's heart skips with recognition.

Unit 02 finally begins to fall, and so does the girl.

"No!" she shrieks.

Desperately, she cups Unit 02's hands, catching her. They fall four hundred meters, from the rooftops of high-rises to the ruined street below. They land with a deafening crash, Asuka using her entire body to absorb the force.

She ends up prone on the earth. She looks up with fear. Her hands are cupped. The girl is there.

"Asuka, destroy it!"

In an instant, she makes up her mind. She removes the glass cover over the plunger. It reads 'emergency plug ejection.'

"Asuka!" Misato shouts, "do not approach it! I repeat, do not–"

She pulls it to the second notch.

The plug protector plates recede, killing all feeds, and the plug spins out to emergency disembark. The hatch opens, LCL spilling out over Unit 02 and onto the street.

Asuka vaults out of the plug, jumping from Unit 02's shoulder, to her upper arm, to the ground. She sprints up the ruined street, avoiding deep gashes and holes, until she reaches the eva's upturned palms.

The girl is in the fetal position. She's wearing burgundy corduroy pants and a white blouse. Her auburn hair is pinned up on the sides, flowing over her back. Her eyes are wild, almost in shock.

Asuka vaults onto Unit 02's palms.

"Don't hurt me," the girl breathes.

"I'm not going to hurt you," Asuka finds herself saying.

The girl looks up at her. Despite her fear, she is fascinated. She looks Asuka up and down.

It's a feeling Asuka understands, because she also knows herself when she sees her.

"They're all going to hate us," says the girl, her eyes moving back to the middle distance. "They're all going to send us away."

"No," says Asuka.

"I'm gross." The girl shudders, pulling her legs closer. "They hate me. They're always going to hate me."

"No, they won't," says Asuka.

"How do you know!" the girl raises her voice, terrified.

"Because I know how to fix any problem," says Asuka, with the assurance of maturity.

The girl looks at her warily.

"And I'm not going to let that happen," Asuka finishes.

There's hope in the little girl's eyes.

For the first time in her life, Asuka feels like a mother, and she decides that's okay. She opens her arms to the girl.

"Komm her, liebling."

The girl hesitates for two beats, lets go of her legs, and scrambles to Asuka. With tears in her eyes, she leaps into her arms. Asuka pulls her close to her chest.

Warmth. Light. A reassuring feeling.

Then, the girl is gone, and Asuka stands hugging herself.

She cracks her eyes open.

Her wrist communicator clicks on.

"Asuka…" It's Misato's voice. "Asuka, what have you done?"