Jennifer and Jonathan undecided on whether to brunch or lunch, chose a picnic on a secluded section of the beach along w/2 small Charcuterie trays, different samplings of bread, a few bottles of water, and a chilled bottle of Chardonnay; all of which they picked up from a small market near the villa. Lying back against Jonathan in the Chaise beach chair they purchased after deciding on the beach, Jennifer sighed in contentment of it all; at being in such a place at this moment, one where just a few short weeks ago, she didn't think was ever possible again. Wrapping his arms around her, he asked "Penny for your thoughts?" Jennifer, reaching behind her to run her fingers through his hair, "I'm just so happy being here with you Jonathan, this right now, is perfect." "It is and I agree on its perfection. But I detect something else, as in, you maybe thought, we'd never get back to this, to each other?" Jennifer simply nodded and he held her tighter, continuing, "I thought the same thing and that scared the hell out of me, because no matter what, I can't imagine returning to my life without you in it. Before you, I was happy sure, but with you, my life was, IS, exponentially better, happier and contented." Turning around to him, she kissed him softly, stood up and held out her hand, "come on, let's go back to the villa and finish what we started, because we really really need to get back to that happier, contented life – back to us." He smiled, stood up, kissed her back and began gathering their things, heading back to the car once finished.
Upon return to the villa, there were a few messages on each of their phones, both of which they purposely left at home, to avoid being disturbed while out. The messages were from Stephen and both smiled, "He really is rooting for us, isn't he?", Jonathan said. Smiling, she said, "Yes, he is! Jonathan, I want to take a quick shower, can you call my father to let him know we're alright and that I'll call him later on tonight or tomorrow. I'll be back down in twenty minutes?" "Go ahead darling, I'll call and will be waiting for you." Jonathan called, and instead of Stephen, Walter answered. He left the message with Walter to expect Jennifer's call either tonight or tomorrow, and that they were doing fine.
Following his call, he went to the refrigerator, got 2 bottles of water and placed them on the coffee table, as he settled on the couch, awaiting Jennifer's return. As if on cue, Jennifer was coming down the stairs and looking at his watch, he said, "Unless I'm still suffering from the time change, I do believe that was less than twenty minutes?" Jennifer laughed, "What can I say, I'm efficient, but quick, Mr. H." Jonathan held his hand out to her, and gladly accepting, she sat against him, "Oh yes Mrs. H, I do believe your both, along with being beautiful and smart. Sitting in the comfort of each other, Jonathan began, "I'm going to start – When I found out that you were Pregnant, I was over the moon, ecstatic, elated…and even if all three of those adjectives are similar in nature, I don't think just one could define how I truly felt. I not only found the one perfect person for me in this life, but that person, was now going to grant me one of the most precious gifts, something I never thought possible…fatherhood. Growing up as I did, I never wanted to be a father, because deep down I feared I would fail at it, as my own father had. But along came you, and all of that changed." "Jennifer, you changed me in so many ways and for each of those reasons, I'm a better man; for and because of you. Creating and having a child with you, was icing on a very precious cake. On some days after leaving the office, I would stop off at some parks on the way home to watch children play and the interact with their families. While watching, I would silently count down the months and days in my head, knowing that before long, that would be me in that park with my own child and the love of my life right next to us. I can't tell you how many times, I wandered into a toy store, wanting to buy everything on the shelves for my soon-to-be daughter or son. There were also times, when opportunities to purchases companies, whose portfolios were largely made up of children's toys and/or clothing, had me outright signing on the dotted line. But inevitably, Stanley would pull the pen out of my hand because financially, it wouldn't make sense for Hart Industries." Jonathan paused, as he felt Jennifer slightly shake and realized that she was crying. He lifted her chin, kissed her and said, "I tell you all of this, not to hurt you or place blame for the loss of our child, but to open up and explain how deeply I felt for our child to be. How if I could, I would've carried him or her myself. I know I didn't and given biology, couldn't possibly, but I was just as hurt, when we lost our child." Jennifer buried her face into his chest and continued to softly cry. She whispered, as she cried "I'm so sorry Jonathan, I knew you were deeply hurt, but I didn't realize that it went as deep as, my own. I was selfish in thinking that simply because I carried our child, that you couldn't feel as I did – I was wrong." "Please don't be sorry Jennifer! How could you have known how I felt or knew about the things I did because of those feelings… going to the park's or wanting to buy toy stores; when I didn't tell you any of it and to be honest, I had no intention of telling you, until our child was born." "But then, the miscarriage happened, and I just buried all of it, along with the hurt, deep inside; just as I had done as a child, when I finally realized that nobody wanted me." Jennifer's crying softened to short sobs, responding to his last words, "I want you; I'll always want you, Jonathan! I love you so much." Burying his face in her hair, he whispered, "I love you."
After pausing to give both of them some time to gain their composure, Jonathan continued.
"When you began showing, it hit home for me, that this was really happening; that I was going to be a father! I will also admit to a little macho coming out, because while I was always proud of having you on my arm, enjoying the envy of others, especially men, when out on the town; it increased tenfold, knowing that I was the luckiest man alive to be expecting a child with you. To be brutally honest here, for me, it also translated into my being the only man alive to have gotten you pregnant. Jennifer, I know that sounds like nonsensical masculinity and harkens to a time of sexist attitudes, but it's how I felt."
"Now, it wasn't the whole of my thoughts and feelings, but it was a small part. After our miscarriage and your leaving, I realized just how ridiculous those feelings were. That ridiculousness hit home even more, when I learned that you had been pregnant before – before me. Jennifer, I know neither one of us were abstinent prior to meeting and, we each had involved relationships with other people; that never bothered me, as I know it didn't bother you. Why? Because all that mattered after we met, was that we were exclusive in our love for one another. When we married, my being the husband to and of Jennifer Edwards, brought about the envious reactions from others, that I frankly, was proud of. However, that envy or I should say, jealousy, that I so enjoyed at the expense of others, came back at me hard, after learning that another man was able to claim something that I believed, was exclusive to only me. That man being Elliot Manning, made it worse, as he was and is a man whom I despise with every fiber of my being. His boastful revelation at the MET gala was more than I could take, and I wanted to rid the world of him, right then and there! But you know Jennifer, even if I hadn't learned of Elliot and what happened to you, I still shouldn't have allowed any of my backwards attitude and anger permeate. It was idiotic and quite frankly, I nearly allowed it to destroy us."
Jennifer, with her head on Jonathan's chest and rubbing his arm, responded, "Jonathan, I can understand all of the feelings you described, because I've had them a time or two after we were married. Do you recall our meeting with Nikki Stephanos in Monte Carlo and of course, Connie, Jonathan Junior's mother? "Yes." "Well, I kept myself in check, but underneath, I was envious in each instance. Of Nikki, because she had been your first true romantic relationship, your first everything so to speak. Jonathan, tried to keep his grin to minimum, when he responded, "Jennifer, she wasn't my first and you were and are the only true romantic and loving relationship, I've ever had. As for Connie, there was no relationship, just someone pushed into lying about it." Jennifer shook her head at him and smiled, "Jonathan, I'm trying to explain that my feelings were somewhat equal to yours, when I met first met Nikki anddd… when I first met Connie. Now, I know one was real and the other was made up, but I still initially had twinges of envy and jealousy, that they had been in your life before me. At the very least, Nikki had those exclusive rights you spoke of, before I did. So again, you weren't and aren't alone in your feelings, even if my reactions weren't nearly as intense as yours; but I do want to thank you for explaining them to me. I suppose we both strayed from our promise in always talking about our feelings with one another, no matter what."
Jonathan, pulled her tighter to him, even though there didn't seem to be any physical space between them. "Jennifer, when I came home from the apartment at Hart Towers, to finally talk things out and found that you were gone, I panicked. Initially, I didn't think anything of it, as you may have been out running errands or working on a story or simply out running for exercise and Max wasn't home to confirm if you left notice of where you would be. I went to the bar and had a drink, before facing you, because I knew it would be a long haul, for both of us. As time past, I began to really wonder where you were, so I called Susan to see if you were with her or if she had seen you. Of course, she detected my anxiety and asked if everything was alright. I put her off and said that things were fine, that we would most likely see her at the next gathering, but she didn't have any answers as to your whereabouts and the longer you were gone, the less confidence I had, in us attending any gathering, let alone one of Susans'. I went up to take a shower, not even thinking to check the closets for your belongings and heard the door, while I was getting dressed. I assumed it was you, so I finished dressing and went downstairs to speak with you, but all I found was Max. He looked at me with a mixture of pity, anger and disgust and said coldly, "Mrs. H left and I'm not sure where she is or if she'll be back."
"I asked him what he meant, and he responded, "exactly what I said, she left and I don't know to where and I doubt she'll be back anytime soon." I asked him again what he meant, but yelled it at him, for the first time, in a very long time – the look he gave me, told me to cover my ears, the boxing was about to commence. Max was holding his cigar and pointed at me, telling me he wouldn't allow me to speak to him, the way I spoke to you and if I wasn't careful, he would go the same route you took. I felt defeated and asked him again, in a more respectful manner of course, where you had gone or if you left word of where you'd be or what time you'd return. That's when he told me, that he saw you coming down the stairs with two suitcases, and while he knew the reason for those suitcases, he still asked you what was going on. He said, you told him you were leaving and that you would be in touch with me, but didn't give a timeframe on when that would be. He also told me that you were silent, when he asked where you were going, but you simply kissed him on the cheek and told him to take care of himself, then left." "I couldn't believe it and had to sit down, because I felt as if I had the wind knocked out of me. After what seemed like an entirety, I went to the bar and poured a shot of bourbon, ready to throw it down, but Max came up behind me and took it from me. He told me, that I was the reason for you leaving and that I needed to fix it. I told him, that I couldn't fix it, if I didn't know where you were. Max told me to figure it out, to fix it and bring you home; he then left the house. I grabbed the bottle of Bourbon and went to our bedroom and to soothe my ego. I was angry, angry at you for leaving, angry at Max, because I suspected that he really did know where you were, but was keeping it from me anddd…I was angrier at myself, for letting it get to that point."
"Jennifer, Max stayed away for a few days and by the time he came back, I had sobered up and tried to find you, but with no luck. I mean, neither Stanley nor any of my Navy contacts could find any trace of you or clues you might have left – nothing! Hell, not even Bill McDowell with all of his intel, could find a crumb or trail of evidence in where you might have gone. Jennifer looked up at him, "You called Bill?" Looking down in her eyes, his simple answer was, "I did!" Jonathan continued, "It was Max, who opened my eyes to my failings and also to just whom would have the information on your whereabouts – your father. But, before I could call him, you called me and that's when the reality of your absence truly set it. You were there on that phone talking to me, but so far away in so many respects, and we seemingly weren't getting anywhere. You were rightfully angry at me for treating you as a woman with no self respect, common if you will, and when you hung up on me, I was stunned back into loneliness, which I know I deserved. Max heard the conversation and once again, gave me some sound advice whether I liked it or not. After that, I called Jack to get the Jet ready, because I was going to Maryland – going to face Stephen! I knew it was going to be rough, but I also knew that he would connect me to you, once everything was on the table."
"When I arrived in Maryland, Stephen didn't want to see me, but Walter insisted and held the door open; because he knew without a doubt, that Stephen would have slammed it in my face." Jennifer smiled, "Good ol' Walter." Jonathan smiled, but continued, "Entering your father's study, Stephen demanded I explain myself, after I nearly begged without success in getting him to divulge where you were." Jennifer was quietly laughing, because she knew Stephen's study to be a lair of sorts, for those poor unfortunates, to have gotten caught in it – She being one of them, in her youth. So, really had no choice, so I told him the whole, ugly sordid story – of the birth control pills, of Elliot and of the hardest part, how I treated his daughter – his only child." Jennifer flinched at the mention of the birth control pills, but Jonathan soothed her with a comforting rub of her back.
"I have to say, that I was honestly shocked at how your calm your father was, after hearing about my response to Elliot and the rest. I think he was glad, that I beat Elliot to a pulp, but my actions towards you, well let's just say, his thoughts were understood, unspoken, but understood. Your father then suggested we both have another Brandy, because I would need it for the story he was about to tell. I nearly declined that offer, but Stephen insisted, as he knew I'd need that Brandy after hearing the entire Elliot story. Jennifer, I don't want to rehash any of this for you and God knows, I would prefer to kill Elliot, just to try and make the whole thing go away, but I know that's not possible. All I can say, is how sorry I am for the brutality that you endured and not taking the time or being patient enough as your husband who professed to love you more than life itself, to support and listen to you and your story – especially in accusing you of wanting a child conceived of rape, more than you did mine."
Jennifer still in his arms, closed her eyes and said, "You're here now, listening and talking, we both are, and just as I survived Elliot, we'll survive this...together." Jonathan repeated part of her last line and smiled, "together."
He began to speak again, but Jennifer looked up at him and placed her fingers on his lips, "my turn again, ok?" Jonathan nodded and she began, "Jonathan, I don't want you to feel sorry for me or feel guilty because of what Elliot did, but I do want you to understand why and how I handled it and its' aftermath. I told you the basics and would have told you the entire story, had your reaction not been so visceral to Elliot's lies at the Gala. I guess the inevitable forced my hand and I was ready – sadly, I should have been ready a long time ago."
"After the rape, I never wanted to speak of it again! I wanted, needed to escape it, to bury it and although in reality, I knew it would always be there, I certainly tried, and my first attempt was in the ER. Now mind you, I walked into the ER after being dropped off by Elliot's assistant, but when they saw the state I was in, I believe they knew immediately what happened. After taking care of some of my cuts caused by Elliot's knife, an exam for sexual assault was performed and through it all, I was determined that my story was going to be one of a mugging and the reason for the cuts to my arms. However, there would be no rape story, and if they found any evidence, which of course they would; I would instead, claim that it was consensual. Jonathan, I can't tell you how many times they tried to convince me otherwise, especially since the injuries I suffered, indicated that I was clearly not being truthful. I denied the rape to the attending physician, the nurse who assisted, the Social Worker, and to the police, whom they called as a last-ditch effort for the truth. However, the police involvement wasn't so much voluntary, as it was mandatory, given the protocols in place for rape and suspected rape. Regardless, I refused to change my story in any way, shape or form and they finally gave up."
"Neither the Doctor or Nurse were happy, but being a Journalist, I'm well aware that they've dealt with victims who deny their assaults, and so, the focus was placed on the surgery I required. I was admitted that night and emergency surgery was performed several hours later. I was asked numerous times about my next of kin, but like my denial of the rape, I put them off and signed all of the required paperwork prior to surgery. It wasn't until I was out of recovery, that I called my father and thankfully, he was in Maryland at the time, and flew in after I called. Now, before I saw him, the Doctor and Nurse had already briefed him on my injuries, what they suspected and the surgery and I can honestly say, that I've never seen my father like that before – When Pa came into my room, he was silent, and calm, but I knew he must have been beyond angry at the information given to him by the medical staff. He simply walked over, held me like he had when I was a child and told me, that he was going to take me away from all that's happened; where he would care for me, and I would and could feel safe. That is when I first came to the Amalfi coast; this of course, is my second time here - Jennifer pointed to the surroundings in the villa to make her point. Jonathan's eyebrows raised and he spoke, "Prior to your assault, you had never been here?" Shaking her head in the negative, Jennifer continued, "Being an Art curator and owner of several galleries around the world, my father requires more of permanent base, than one that mirrors his transient lifestyle and travel; as such, he decided to purchase several homes where some of his galleries are located and in some of his favorite places. The Amalfi Coast and this Villa was one. Now, while I've been to his gallery in Rome, I had never been to this home, as I normally stayed in a hotel when visiting him. Rome is 3 hrs from here, so it's a bit out of the way for a commute to visit with my father at work from here." Jonathan titled his head and asked, "Why didn't your father buy a home in Rome? There are plenty of beautiful homes there – I know, I had an opportunity to buy one, but my presence was needed in London, for what I found was a deal of a lifetime?" Smirking, Jennifer pinched his cheek and continued, "While Pa loves Rome, he prefers the sparser atmosphere for his downtime and here, unlike Rome, certainly affords him that. I have been to his home in London, it's a flat really – 2 stories and tasteful, but not really a homey, in comparison to say, Hillhaven. He also owns a home on the outskirts of Frankfurt, which for him, makes sense, given his need for privacy, but it's closer to his gallery, as his presence it seems, is required, more so than in Rome." Jennifer then looked at Jonathan and said, what am I telling you that for, you already knew." Shaking his head in affirmation, Jonathan recalled having gone to Stephen's Frankfurt gallery with Jennifer, while on business several years ago.
"Anyway, here is where Pa took me to recover – physically and emotionally. After several months, I began to feel better about myself and my outlook on life. It wasn't too long after that, that negativity and self-doubt began to creep back in and erase the positive aspects I had gained. I was sleeping for long periods in the day, would cry at times, at the drop of a hat and my appetite fluctuated between ravenous and malnourishment. I figured it was depression setting in, as it historically plays a large part in the aftermath of assault, especially sexual assault. Well, as it turns out, I was partially correct on what was happening to me, depression had played a part, unfortunately, it wasn't the main reason – pregnancy was. It was revealed and confirmed, following an examination by one of the local doctors, who works at the clinic here in the center of town. Pa scheduled a private house call, which I'm sure cost a good deal, after a particular bout of uncontrolled behavior on my part – an out-of-control rollercoaster of emotions, if you will."
"I had locked myself in my room for nearly two days or just about, and Pa realized he needed the services of a medical professional; whether that was medical or mental health, he wasn't sure. I only agreed to come out and be examined, if that were to be the only one, at least until I was in a better space. Well, it was within an hour of the Doctors' examination, that my pregnancy was revealed. I was in shock and begged him to re-examine me and he did – It was a simple urine test. One that can be bout over the counter and can indicate pregnancy within 3 to 5 minutes tops. I don't think my father knows to this day, how much less he could have spent, on that kit. Of course, in my view, I couldn't believe I didn't make the pregnancy connection. How could I have not known, the reason for the urine request; knowing what happened and my being a woman – my ignorance was disconcerting. I surmised that I was in complete denial about what was happening to my body and convinced myself that pregnancy was not a possibility. When the Doctor asked some pointed questions after the results, in an effort to pinpoint the baby's development, I failed to respond, as the results and his questions, catapulted my mind back to that night. It wasn't that I didn't want to answer, but I was reliving my assault, frame by frame as it were, to try and recall if Elliot had put on a condom." "It seems to me, that men like Elliot are the type to do that, before assaulting a woman, so as not to get caught. On the other hand, he's also the same type to forego it, just to see if his victim would dare report it". "A Sociopath" Jonathan threw in. Agreeing with that assessment, Jennifer said, "Yes, that was exactly it and he clearly knew what path I was going to choose, which makes me wonder, how many other victims of his are out there?"
"Anyway, while going through the pictures of that night in my mind, my father knowing the answers, offered them to the Doctor, but even in the haze of my recollections, I noted a quizzical from the Doctor at Pa, for knowing my possible conception date. Following the news, Pa suggested I get some rest and escorted the Doctor out and I'm fairly certain, that Pa explained the situation to the Doctor, for a level of understanding. But, before he walked out the door, I heard him ask the Doctor if termination was an alternative – I recall snapping completely out of the daze I was in, at that question. Termination? An option? To put it in easier terms, it meant getting rid of the results of Elliot's assault. It meant getting rid of any semblance of his being, his DNA on and in my body. It meant going through a procedure, that may erase the brutality of that night. In harsher terms, it meant going through a procedure, that as I understand it, can be brutal in terms of emotional overload. It meant, that I would be getting rid of a part of me – the innocent part. The part that had no fault in this, the part that I felt needed a voice, just as I had, and at that moment, I decided to keep the baby."
"Upon returning, Pa checked on me and as he did, I lit into him for the termination question. I told him that despite part of this child being the DNA of Elliot's, it had no responsibility in being here, of being in my womb! And like me, this child was innocent in all of this and there wasn't anyway, I was going to "terminate" a child, whose conception, while not expected, was still a child of mine. I insisted, that it wasn't Elliot's, but solely mine and I would ensure that he'd never learn of this child.
Pa simply hugged me, told me he loved me, suggested I get some rest, and got up to allow me some privacy, before leaving."
"Jonathan, my decision to keep that child, wasn't because I wanted it in deference to Elliot, it was in spite of him. I experienced a horrific situation and to many, an even more horrific outcome, but I chose to look at it differently; as a healing process for both of us – me and my child. My child needed me to keep them safe and I needed my child, who helped me to resume my life with a new purpose."
Jonathan quietly sat, ruminating on every aspect of what Jennifer story, and know there was more, he had no response. Jennifer, anxious at his reaction, looked to him and found him staring at her with those beautiful blue eyes. He leaned in, kissed her lips and thanked her for sharing something that would rip the soul out of any ordinary person. But Jennifer wasn't ordinary, as he knew all too well. Thinking that this was enough for today, he reached for her hand, shook his head in the direction of the balcony, she took it and silently, they walked to the Chaise lounge, where they would wrap themselves within their own cocoon – The Hart.
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