Spring 2005

Charlie dumped his dishes into the kitchen sink. Bella cringed from the clang and clatter of porcelain against steel, worried that something chipped.

"Mike Newton called again."

"Okay."

"Are you going to call him back?"

She tapped her Trig assignment with the eraser end of the pencil. "I will after I get the right answer."

"Bella," Charlie's tone was oddly reproachful. It should be every father's dream for their daughter to choose homework over a boy.

Sensing a lecture, Bella set her pencil down, crossed her arms on the table, and looked up. "Yes?"

"If a boy like that calls, you answer."

The lecture was shorter than Bella expected, but far more grating. She licked her teeth. "What makes you say that, Dad?"

"Don't take it personally, kid. You're a good girl. Most boys don't notice good girls until it's too late. You should feel lucky this boy did."

It was funny, Bella didn't feel lucky. In fact, she would categorize Mike's affection as her usual bad luck.

"Mom always told me to wait until college to start looking."

She expected the usual deep-throat chuckle from Charlie she received when she brought up Renee, but there was nothing.

"So, Renee has you going to college, now?"

Charlie's cynical tone rattled her. Bella's answer wasn't nearly as confident as it should have been. "That was always the plan. I mean, I know I'm not going to Dartmouth or anything like that. But there's community college."

"Those classes are still expensive."

"Mom has been putting aside money."

"Has she, now?"

"Yes!"

He held up two hands, defensively, as if he were calming down a manic criminal, "No need to get feisty, I'm just asking questions. After all, I know Renee better than you do."

Bella picked her pencil back up, officially done with their conversation.

Charlie, however, was not. "Tell me then, Bella: where did Renee get the money to pay for her week-long wedding celebration at that all-inclusive resort?"

The tip of Bella's pencil broke. That wedding was the most ridiculous, over-the-top event Bella had ever attended. There was no trace of Renee—or what Bella used to know of Renee. Gone were the flower crowns and hand-made beaded jewelry they used to dress up in. The small backyard wedding with handpicked bouquets and homemade pies they dreamed of was nowhere in sight. Everything was gaudy, dripping with crystals and crammed with white roses. On top of all that, Bella spent most of her week embarrassed by Renee's bridal party. The women had a seemingly endless supply of daiquiris as they flirted with every cabana boy and lifeguard they could find "on Bella's behalf".

"Phil probably paid for it."

"Yeah. I'm sure the twenty-five-year-old ex-gym teacher has deep pockets."

Bella stared down at her paper, seeing nothing.

"Let's say Phil paid for the wedding. Then, where did they get the money for their European honeymoon? That's set to take three months, if I remember correctly."

"I don't know, Dad. Renee and I were planning a backpacking trip through Europe for years. They probably used the money for that."

It hurt enough that Renee took the trip Bella planned with her new husband. To use Bella's college fund to pay for it would be a step too far. Though, Renee had been taking some impossibly long strides lately.

"When you were backpacking, sure. Staying in hostels and taking the bus. But let's, um, check her itinerary." Bella flinched away from the sound of the squeaky drawer. From the pile of random stuff they had shoved in there, Charlie pulled out the document. The back of the itinerary had a list of all the hotels and their contact information. Bella knew it well, for she created it on her mother's behalf.

"March third through twelfth," Charlie read in a droll tone, "Inverloch Castle. That's a far cry from a hostel, wouldn't you say? A castle can't be cheap…"

"I get it!" Bella cried. "Say what you want, but Renee wouldn't have spent my college fund. She knew it was important to me."

Charlie stepped to the side, revealing the phone, "Give her a call and find out."

Bella rose from her seat, undeterred. She tore the paper from Charlie's hand and dialed the number for the stupid castle. It took a second call, but the hostess got through to Renee.

"Hi sweet girl!"

The sound of her mother's voice flung Bella back in time. Into small apartments crammed with ridiculous décor. Open windows, letting in the Arizona heat and the buzz of crickets. A pizza box on the coffee table. A black and white movie flickering in and out of their unreliable cable.

"Hi, mom."

"You called at the perfect time. We just got in. Phil is in the shower."

"How was Paris?"

"Oh, simply amazing. Everything we ever dreamed of and more!"

Bella let Renee prattle on about all the sites—the sites Bella originally planned for their trip. A dark part of her mind whispered Renee's whimsical description of the Eiffel Tower was the closest she would ever get to seeing it for herself. She shook the thought away.

"And so romantic!" Renee concluded.

"That sounds great, Mom! I can't wait to hear about the rest."

"I've been trying to keep a diary, but you know how I am."

"I know," Bella said, adoringly, but it felt like a lie. She and her mother used to be on the same page for everything. Now they weren't even in the same book. "So, the reason I called…"

"There always is a want with you," Renee teased. "Let's hear it."

"It's not that big of a deal. Um. I think I'm ready to sign up for courses at the community college here in Forks. Uh, what account did we keep my college fund in? Do you think I'll be able to access it?"

"Honey, I thought we discussed this. There is no money."

"Oh," Bella tried to color her voice with surprise, but her heart already knew the truth. "I just… I just remember talking about it."

"Well, there was for a while…"

"Did you spend it on your wedding?"

There was a long pause at the other end. "Only because there wasn't enough left in there for college. We constantly dug into that fund to make sure the places we rented gave you your own bedroom and allowed access to good schools. If I'm being perfectly honest, you spent that money more than I did, Bella."

Bella twirled the phone cord in her fingers. "I see."

"You'll figure something out. You're pretty enough to get by on looks alone," she laughed. It used to be an inside joke between them. Suddenly, it wasn't funny anymore.

"Oh!" Renee's said something away from the speaker in a muffled voice. "Well, I have to get going. Try not to call until we get to Rome. Love you!"

"Love…" the dial tone blared in her ear, "…you, too."

"No college, I take it?" Charlie asked. He heard the entire conversation.

Bella stared at the dead phone in her hands. "I can get a loan."

"Alright," Charlie shrugged, his tone insulting and demeaning. She frowned at his back as he stalked into the living room.

The phone rang again. She fought the urge to throw it against the wall. Bella didn't recognize the number, but she didn't have to. She already knew Mike Newton was on the other line. Despite her best interest, there was only one person she truly wanted to talk to at that moment. She missed him. Missed him enough to desire the attention of his strange clone.

But he no longer wanted her.

With a sigh, she hit the answer button with her thumb.

"Arizona!" Mike sounded genuinely excited to talk to her. Bella's heart warmed slightly. "You playing hard to get?"

"I had to get some homework done. We have that big Trig test on Friday."

"Right, right. I got an extension for that test, so I'm not going to take it until next week. There's a game this weekend that needs all my focus, you know?"

"Yeah," Bella agreed passively, rather than pointing out the injustice.

"What's going on over there?"

Bella racked her brain for something Mike would want to talk about. They didn't share a lot of common ground, as far as she knew. "I was going to burn a new CD soon. Any recommendations?"

"That's cool. I really wish I was there to cuddle you."

Bella frowned. That wasn't where she wanted the conversation to go.

"What are you wearing?"

She glanced down at her outfit. She wore the T-shirt she won at Arizona State's Middle-Grade Geography Bee and a pair of sweatpants. "Um…"

"Oh, is your dad there?" he asked, quickly.

"Uh…"

"That's okay, gorgeous. I'll see you tomorrow. Sweet dreams."

The phone clicked in her ear for the second time that night. She closed her eyes, trying very hard not to think about long, lingering goodbyes between sharp, woodsy Alaskan air and the butterscotch-scented warmth of a music store.

The next day at school, Bella kept her head down. She didn't need to know how many people looked at her or stopped talking once she entered the room. She wasn't supposed to make any waves at this school, but kissing Mike rocked the water like a breaching whale. All because of a ridiculous, petty urge to make Edward feel a fraction of the pain he'd inflicted.

Ignoring her common sense, she looked for him the moment she stepped into the cafeteria. As expected, he was on the patio. Right outside the glass double doors. He usually stood under the awning with his cigarette, but that day he sat on one of the benches, facing away from the table. A paperback rested on his knee, holding his page. He held his head in his hands.

It was supposed to feel good to see him in such a state of despair, but Bella's heart squeezed.

She did not tear her eyes away from him when Eric greeted her, or when Mike wound his arm around her waist. She watched in horror as long, graceful fingers raked through tousled bronze hair. Unaware of her preoccupation, Mike pressed his lips to the corner of her mouth. She kept her eyes wide open, even when he turned her face towards his to deepen their kiss. From her periphery, she watched Edward tug at the ends of his hair.

She had the presence of mind to squeeze her eyes shut right as Mike broke their kiss and to smile up at him like she enjoyed it as much as he had. The smile they shared was brief, for Mike immediately turned away to high-five and fist-bump members of his team. Bella wished she was surprised by the slight. She almost expected it.

Unexpectedly, however, Edward lifted his head from his hands to glare at the hockey team, with harsh, unforgiving eyes. She had never seen him so furious. It wasn't exactly unattractive. Then, his eyes flashed to Bella. They smoldered like molten gold.

No fury, no apathy.

Instead, she saw the tender devotion she received under the midnight sun.

Before Bella could even catch her breath, he stalked off. Into the woods behind the school to smoke or steal or set something on fire. Whatever bad thing he was rumored to do. No longer able to stand on quivering legs, Bella sank onto the nearest seat. She fished through her bag and flipped to the page in the back of her notebook where she had previously drawn a Venn Diagram.

She already spent far too much time analyzing the differences between the two Edwards. All to understand this bizarre switch. Perhaps she was naïve, but she could not find a single benefit to him lying, one way or another. Neither of these personas were particularly advantageous, or interesting. A boy with a summer job at a music shop in the middle of nowhere and a high school delinquent who caused no actual trouble. There was no benefit to being either of these boys—why lie?

There was one thing written between the intersecting circles. In both stories, he was estranged from where he belonged. He was always alone.

And under a constant cover of clouds, she thought to herself, wryly, glancing out the window.

There was a reason he was two sad, lonely boys in two sad, lonely towns. Whatever it was, it brought on this strange façade. But he was in there, her charming, caring boy from Alaska. She just caught a glimpse of him.

Bella vowed to drag him back out.

Summer 2004

Bella needed to learn how to say no.

Miss McCarthy was in the middle of cooking—she couldn't possibly break away for even a moment. It would be rude to pull Mrs. Graham away from her guests. Her warmth and bubbly personality were the biggest drawl at the inn—they deserved her attention.

Bella was the only real option.

There was a special dinner held at the inn, and a few of the guests went a bit too wild in the Alaskan wilderness, leaving two open spots. Bella and Renee were invited to fill them. Bella was lent a dress, courtesy of Mrs. Graham's daughter, and she and her mother attended a banquet. Bella felt like she was transported into a book. Until disaster struck. A crucial jar of apricot jam had gone prematurely moldy.

There should be one at the general store, staff muttered to one another. Not homegrown, but it would do.

Decided, Mrs. Graham called the owner's wife. She would provide the jam. Of course she would! The couple lived in the apartment on the second floor. It was no issue at all. All they needed was someone to go fetch it.

No one even asked her, Bella realized. She volunteered. She didn't need to learn how to say no. She needed to stop saying yes.

The walk wasn't that far, and the rain wasn't that cold, Bella told herself. However, at the moment, the general store felt very far and the chill felt unendurable.

The next breeze brought a sheet of rain into Bella's face that sent her scurrying under the closest awning.

The lilting sound of folksy guitar caught Bella's attention. She ended up next to Edward's music store. The lights were off, the sign on the door said closed, yet music played. Louder than usual. She worried something was amiss until she spotted the shadow of a figure among the stacks of records.

Edward. She could tell from the wild outline of his hair.

His back was towards her as he sauntered over to one of the record players, swaying his hips and nodding his head to the beat. He switched the records, twirling them in his hands. Everything he did was thoughtlessly seductive.

She watched him, dumbfounded and dazzled. She lingered far too long, because suddenly, his eyes were on hers. She was too dazzled to do anything but stare back. He opened the door and ushered her inside, demanding what on Earth she was doing outside in the sleet and cold.

"I could ask the same of you," she said, stepping into the warm air of the shop, "What are you doing here so late?"

He pushed his hair off his forehead. "Doing some inventory."

"But you worked all day," Bella said, riled up at the injustice on his behalf. "Where are the other employees? Or the owner?"

"It's fine, Bella. I volunteered." He flipped on the lights. Spots danced across her vision from the sudden brightness. She blinked them away. "I like being in here alone."

"Oh," she blushed.

He nearly rolled his eyes. "You don't count."

It was probably the only time exclusion from everyone else shot a thrill down Bella's spine.

"What are you doing out?"

Bella explained the situation at the inn and the quest for apricot jam.

"That would explain…" He gestured to her apparel, down to her bare legs.

"Yes, it's why I look ridiculous."

He shook his head. "You look lovely."

Bella ducked her face so he wouldn't see her flush. She considered returning the compliment. He always looked lovely. Handsome, gorgeous, stunning, alluring. There weren't enough praises in the English language to fully express how she thought of him.

"But cold," he noted. "Allow me."

Bella had to consciously slow her breath while she envisioned all the things he could do to warm her up. Lend her his coat. Hold her in his arms. Pull her into his lap. As she dreamt of herself wrapped in a blanket curled against his chest, he went into the back. He returned with a stack of sweaters and plopped them on the counter.

Delighted, she picked through the stack and picked the one with the thickest knit near the bottom. She tugged at it to no avail. Edward held the others aloft for Bella to take her selection, then replaced them and returned the stack to the back.

Bella removed her coat and pulled the sweater over her dress. It was soft and warm and smelled heavenly. Like rich butterscotch and warm nutmeg. Of course he smelled like a cozy autumn day. He embodied one.

"Do you live here?"

"No."

"Then why are all these here?"

"Because I wear one in when the morning is cold, take it off by the afternoon, and forget to take it back home."

"Oh. You know, I can remind you right before I leave to bring them with you."

His eyes sparkled. "I would normally refuse, but something tells me it would bring you joy to do such a thing for me. You like to feel useful."

She blushed. "What makes you say that?"

"Your insane compulsion to assist others at your own expense," he raised an eyebrow at her bare legs, still red from the cold. "Excluding this very moment, there was the time you were nearly run over by a bus because you crawled under it to fetch that lady's pen."

"You saw that?"

He nodded, unamused. "You nearly gave me a heart attack. Not an easy thing to do, I can assure you." He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose with the knuckle of his thumb. "There was the time you fell off the ladder getting a CD for someone."

"You weren't around."

"You waited for me every other time because you knew the ladder was too unstable for you."

"They were in a rush!"

"Oh my god, Bella."

"They left the cash on the counter. I don't see what the big deal is."

He pressed his palm into his forehead. "The big deal is that you see nothing wrong with the fact that you fell off a ladder inches away from a two-story drop."

"There's a railing."

"That you could have missed!"

Tired of being scolded, Bella pushed her lips out. "I'm not the only one. You wouldn't volunteer to stay here all hours of the night if you didn't like to feel useful, too."

He shook his head. "I assure you, Bella. I have one purpose, and it's of no use to anyone in this shop."

"So, you like to feel useless?"

He laughed without humor. "I think I just know my place."

Bella caught the slightest trace of wistfulness in his eyes as he turned away. She watched his graceful fingers flip through a row of records. He paused, sorted through a stack to his left, and placed a record in its place. His broad shoulders were relaxed, his movements confident and sure. He seemed so content to be there. In this shop.

With her.

"And where is your place, if it's not here?"

He didn't turn around. "As cliché as it might be, with my family."

A sudden desire to meet them swept over her. "Are they here?"

"They are not."

"Where are they?"

"Currently? South America, Tokyo, and somewhere in Spain."

"And you're here?" Bella clarified, perplexed. "Why aren't you with them?"

"I'm very, uh, perceptive," he said it like the word didn't encompass all that it needed to. "I can tell when I'm not wanted."

"Why would you not be wanted?" Bella craved his company with a force she did not believe was possible. Not only because she found him so incredibly attractive. He was attentive and clever. She couldn't imagine why anyone would want space from him.

"I live with three adult couples, Bella." He raised a knowing brow.

Bella blushed. "I see… But that," she cleared her throat, "doesn't happen… all the time."

"No. However, they all planned romantic getaways over the summer. When they realized what they had done and that I would be left alone, they offered to cancel their trips and invited me along."

"That was nice of them."

"Yes, but not what any of them actually wanted. They wanted their vacations. They deserved them, too. So, I lied and said I already had plans of my own this summer. I scraped all this together at the last minute."

Bella knew the feeling. "Why Sitka?"

"I'd never been to Alaska before. I wanted to see a moose."

Bella laughed, charmed by the simplicity of his reasoning. "How'd you find this shop?"

"Dumb luck."

The song ended. A blanket of silence filled the room in its place, cozy and comfortable. Bella huddled in Edward's sweater. She wasn't ready to leave. "I still have to get the apricot jam."

"You stay here, I'll go get it."

"But I promised!"

"And they'll have their jam." Edward gestured towards the loft, asking her to go up. "I'll even get my car and drive you to the inn."

Bella bit her cheek, considering. "You'll bring your sweaters to the car?"

He nodded once. "I'll bring my sweaters."

"And you'll park a block away from the inn?"

"I'll park a block away. No one will ever know you didn't technically fulfill your promise."

Bella glanced out the window. The wind had picked up, pushing the rain so it fell horizontally.

Edward took advantage of her hesitation, "Sit down, stay warm. Let someone endanger themselves on your behalf for once."

Bella supposed she could say yes at least one more time that night. "Okay."