The World Is Ugly

by StevMarie

It was just a mission. That was how it started. It wasn't pain, it wasn't agony, it wasn't Laxus in a rage of lightning and Gajeel helpless in his wake. Feelings weren't supposed to be hurt, blood wasn't supposed to be spilled; now the world is spinning out of control and they're plummeting to the ground unable to stop it. What can be said? The world Is ugly.

132. Chapter 132

Chapter 132:

"I have never known peace

Like the damp grass that yields to me

I have never known hunger

Like these insects that feast on me

A thousand teeth

And yours among them, I know

Our hungers appeased

Our heartbeats becoming slow..."

Gajeel's voice lilted over the sound of Laxus's frustration as he paced ten feet from the tree he had been killing his time with, one with red bark that easily peeled back from its orange trunk, leathery evergreen leaves still spread upwards towards the sun. Gajeel had told him its name and if the dark red berries were edible, but he'd since forgotten in his agitation.

"We lay here for years or for hours

Thrown here or found

To freeze or to thaw

So long we become the flowers

Two corpses we were

Two corpses I saw

And they'd find us in a week

When the weather gets hot

After the insects have made their claim

I'd be home with you

I'd be home with you..."

Laxus threw the knife. It arced through the air and thunked against the tree, making a metallic ring as it bounced off of it and fell into the grass. Laxus huffed and dropped back his head. He'd only hit the X Gajeel had carved him twice, both completely by chance as evidenced by how he couldn't seem to get it to stick since.

"Too much rotation on that one," Gajeel hummed from where he was sprawled out on the ground, watching him from the grass as he sliced into his apple with his own knife.

"Too much?" Laxus groaned, marching over to pick up the knife again.

"You'll get it, Sparky. I believe in you," he hummed, the affection in his voice conveying the grin directed at Laxus's back.

"I disagree," he huffed, pulling it from the dirt and wiping mud onto his jeans to try again.

"I have never known sleep

Like the slumber that creeps to me

I have never known color

Like this morning reveals to me

And you haven't moved an inch

Such that I would not know

If you sleep always like this

The flesh calmly going cold

We lay here for years or for hours

Your hand in my hand

So still and discreet

So long we become the flowers

We'd feed well the land

And worry the sheep..."

Laxus threw the knife again, only to watch it once again bounce off of the tree. It was like he was getting worse, somehow. He made an exasperated noise and heard Gajeel chuckle.

"Too much again."

"Again?" Laxus put his hands on his hips, glaring at the tree for a moment before shucking off his jacket.

"Here we go... the jacket is comin' off." Gajeel teased. "Gettin' serious now."

"Oh hush," Laxus said, tossing it just off the path.

They were waiting on Davian and Serrill, Gajeel not wanting to get too close to town before they saw how Laxus reacted to the two. He had tried not to be offended by the sentiment, but it felt a little like he was being treated like a wild animal. They needed to make sure he was tamed before they could let him in town. It was ridiculous to him. He felt fine. But Gajeel had insisted, and when he began to get agitated he'd just given him a sweet kiss and asked him if he'd like to learn how to throw a knife. And Laxus, being the edgy teen he still was deep inside, thought that sounded fun... until he was picking up the knife from the ground for the hundredth time, that is.

"And they'd find us in a week

When the cattle show fear

After the insects have made their claim

After the foxes have known our taste

I'd be home with you

I'd be home with you..."

Laxus leaned against the tree and watched Gajeel intently. He'd laid back in the grass and was slicing bits of his apple as he sang. His ankle was crossed against his knee, and he was just staring up at the clouds that whisked their way across the sky. Watching Gajeel gazing up to the heavens, singing some blissful and orphic song, Laxus couldn't help but be put in a better mood. He did sort of wish he'd sing about something else, though. Every love song he ever sang seemed to feature death.

"They'd find us in a week

Lay here for years or for hours

When the weather gets hot

So long we become the flowers

They'd find us in a week

Lay here for years or for hours

When the cattle show fear

So long we become the flowers

And they'd find us in a week

When the buzzards get loud

After the insects have made their claim

After the foxes have known our taste

After the raven has had its say

I'd be home with you

I'd be home with you..."

He hummed for a bit until he realized Laxus had gone quiet. He twisted his head towards him, red eyes catching the sun and looking nearly orange in the light. He gave him a questioning look.

"Show me again?" Laxus asked, "I suck at this."

"Yer doin' fine, Sparky," Gajeel replied, rising to his feet. He tossed his mostly eaten apple off into the treeline, "Most of yer problem is you're too far away."

"Too far?" Laxus said, leaning instinctively into the ambrosial fragrance of fruit and damp earth that still clung to him, "I thought that was the point of throwing."

"You don't usually wanna be far from your target, else you might not get your knife back..." Gajeel said casually, "And anyway, it's a hunting knife. It ain't exactly made to be thrown."

He dug into his bag of iron and popped a handful into his mouth, chewing as he summoned his magic. Laxus watched iron materialize between his hands. As he concentrated, it lengthened, rounding at one end and thinning into a diamond-shaped blade. He made three of them, not quite as long as his 9-inch hunting knife. Laxus could feel an innate difference when holding one in his hands. It was slimmer, but still had heft to it, and the balance was more central to the blade. Throwing knives, much stronger since they were made out of Gajeel's own magic.

"So... yer throwin' like this, a half-rotation," Gajeel said, grasping the bladed end by the dull side, "It's good for beginners but you really should be throwin' from up here until you get the hang of it."

Gajeel took a couple paces forward, aimed and threw, hitting the center of the X like it was a trivial thing. Laxus was almost insulted by the ease at which he did it.

"Why throw a knife if you're that close?" Laxus asked, crossing his arms.

"Kill 'em before they get to you. I mean, you can be farther away, but the issue yer havin' is because you're throwin' farther, you're putting too much power in flicking your wrist," Gajeel replied, taking a few steps back and readying the next knife in his hand. This time, he held it from the handle, "Maybe try a full rotation. It's a little harder to aim but... should stick, if that's what yer after."

He stepped and threw, this time hitting just a little lower but still on the X. Laxus opened his mouth, in complete disbelief at how easy Gajeel made it look.

"Uh huh..." Laxus said slowly, "How do you throw?"

"Hm?" Gajeel gave him a curious look, "Any way that works. When I threw my knife at Davian's bastard brother, I held it from the blade, like I'm showin' you."

"The half rotation one... for beginners." Laxus said derisively.

"It's good for beginners because it's easy to control. And if you remember, I wasn't far away."

"You were more than six feet," Laxus argued.

"I used ta throw to kill time when I was a kid," Gajeel smirked at him, "I've got a lotta practice."

"How far?" Laxus asked. When Gajeel raised his brow he reiterated, "How far can you throw? And still hit the target?"

Gajeel shrugged, "Thirty, forty feet maybe."

"Forty feet?" Laxus said, incredulous, "I can't even hit at ten."

Gajeel chuckled, "Why would ya need to? You can strike someone with lightning from a hundred yards if ya want... probably farther."

"Are there other ways to throw?" Laxus sighed, still fiddling with the knife in his hand.

"None that are any easier," Gajeel said. At Laxus's annoyance, he shoved his shoulder a bit, "Give it a try, Sparky."

Laxus gave him an unamused look but squared himself towards the tree anyway. He aimed, took a step, and threw, bracing himself for the inevitable sound of the knife banging against the side of the tree and falling to the ground. To his surprise, the knife struck wood and stayed, just a little high of the X. A smile broke across his face and he clenched his fist in victory.

"Finally!" Laxus grinned. "Goddamn."

"Told ya you could do it," Gajeel hummed appraisingly.

"Is that how you usually throw? The full rotation...thing... whatever." Laxus said walking up to pull the blades from the tree.

"No," Gajeel said coyly, "I don't usually throw knives."

Laxus tilted his head to the side, the look on his face holding question, "Alright, you got me curious."

"You really wanna talk about my murderous past?" Gajeel laughed, although there was nervousness in it.

"I watched them... the lacrimas you stashed in your closet," Laxus said, and paid close attention to the way Gajeel dropped his gaze and scratched at his wrist, "It doesn't bother me."

"It should," Gajeel muttered, "It should disgust you, even."

"The person I saw looked nothing like the person I see now," Laxus said earnestly, "It doesn't bother me. It doesn't scare me. It doesn't disgust me. It doesn't feel like you at all."

"That's a coping mechanism, you know."

"Just show me how you throw a knife," Laxus said with a sigh, "Be sexy about it. You're good at that. The edgy-sexy mix."

"When life gives you red eyes and sharp teeth."

"The fingerless gloves and metal-studded outfits are a choice, Gajeel." Laxus laughed.

Gajeel's smile was a bit mellow but there all the same as he took the knives from him. He held one in the reverse grip he'd shown Laxus at the temple, brandishing it for him to see. Even hastily made, it flashed in the light as if freshly polished.

"This I use for defense. If someone tries to grab it, they grab the blade," he explained, suddenly all business. Laxus watched him closely, feeling more than a little guilt at the realization that this was the same way he'd held the ritual knife when Davian had attacked them. It had always been defense.

Gajeel pushed his elbow forward at the same time he drew his hand up.

"If I move like this when your hand is on my blade, I slice off your fingers and probably get you in the face with my elbow. It's a decent place to be if someone is comin' at ya."

"Oh," Laxus said dumbly as the reality of what Gajeel was showing him sank in. Self-defense... in case he needed to use his hunting knife. In case he couldn't use magic to defend himself.

"If you ever think you'll have to throw your knife – which you shouldn't because you'll probably lose it, and then don't have anything to protect yourself with – but if you do... you should hold it like this," Gajeel turned the blade forward, keeping his thumb along the handle. Laxus was extremely aware of how he positioned his body towards the tree, never once turning the tip of the knife towards him, "Its more dangerous, there's a higher chance of cutting off one of your own fingers, but your thumb helps guide the direction. It helps with accuracy. And when you throw, you throw like you'd shoot an arrow."

He stepped back, pulling strength into his form. Just like an archer, he mimicked holding the grip in his left hand and drew back his right elbow as if the knife were an arrow he was cocking back to shoot. He dropped his left arm, but kept his stance the same, giving Laxus a meaningful look out of the corner of his eye.

"Throw it like you shoot an arrow," he said again, before taking a step and throwing the knife. It sliced through the air like a javelin, silent and swift, landing with a quiet thunk deep into the tree, once again hitting the center of the x. Gajeel drew back his arm, rolling his shoulder as he handed him back one of the throwing knives.

Laxus furrowed his brow, "Why?"

"Hm?"

"Why is it better to throw it like that? Why not the way you just showed me a second ago?" Laxus asked, "The full rotation one."

"Because, mîn luz…" Gajeel got a pained look and positioned the last knife in his hand as he'd just shown him, his thumb controlling the blade, "Holding it like this means you can still hurt someone in a fight."

In a motion that was dreadfully familiar to him, Gajeel lunged forward with the blade, hitting an invisible target, and in the same fluid movement stepped and threw. He didn't break his momentum a single time, didn't hesitate, and suddenly it was very clear to Laxus why he'd teach him this.

"Oh," he said, much more sobered than he was before.

"Go ahead." Gajeel said, nodding to the tree without looking at him, "Give it a try."

He stepped to the side and crossed his arms, watching as Laxus copied what he'd just seen. He coiled the muscles in his back, tensed, and snapped his hand forward. Again, a knife soared through the air and Laxus was pleased that it hit the tree and stuck, though it was quite off from his target. Despite the seriousness of the lesson, Laxus grinned.

"Nice."

At the ensuing silence, Laxus chanced a look at Gajeel who stared ahead thoughtfully. He didn't stay somber for long, though, flashing a roguish grin as he went to collect the blades.

"Wanna see what you can learn ta do with way too much time on yer hands?" he asked.

"Sure," Laxus shrugged, more than willing to humor him.

He paced back over to stand beside him. He placed all three of the throwing knives in one hand, two facing forward, and one with the blade in his palm.

"This is called a No Reload," Gajeel grinned, and without hesitation, snapped his wrist forward three times. All three blades slipped with deadly silence through the air, one with no rotation, one with a half, and one with a full, each one embedding right next to the other in the tree. He tossed back his hair with pride, his smile growing ever wider at Laxus's dismayed expression, "Yeah... I thought I was a badass when I learned ta do that."

"You couldn't use that… in a real fight?" Laxus asked.

"Can. Have." Gajeel said, pulling shining metal from where they were deeply plunged into the tree. "Lost a good knife that way, actually. Had ta run and leave it behind."

"Damn… really?"

"That was one of the reasons I stopped usin' yours." Gajeel replied coolly, "The handle is heavy. Didn't like how it felt to throw it. Mine is a little more balanced."

That was right. The knife on his belt, the one he'd taken from Gajeel's closet when he thought he wouldn't notice, had tasted blood. It suddenly didn't feel like a knife anymore. It felt like a dark threat strapped to his hip.

He handed one of the throwing knives back to Laxus, who gripped the handle clumsily. Again, he held the blade as Gajeel had shown him, staring down at it with growing trepidation. He still wasn't keen on knives, but something about the way it was Gajeel's skewed the sentiment. Even still, when he curled his fingers around it and held it aloft as if to strike, he felt his stomach turn. Could he even use it in a fight if he needed to? He didn't even make an attempt when Davian had turned on them.

Sensing his turmoil, Gajeel reached out to him and ran his hand up his arm comfortingly.

"Gettin' in your own head?" he asked.

Laxus's wry smile was less a smile and more a grimace, "I... don't think I'll be able to do anything with this, if it came to it. I think I'd just throw fists instead."

Gajeel's brows rose, "Didn't work that well last time, Sparky. Don't think Davian's brother would even flinch if you hit 'im."

Laxus curled his lip, "You're probably right."

"Wanna spar?" Gajeel asked.

"I'm sorry... what?" Laxus scoffed, "No."

"Come on, Sparky, these things can't hurt me. It's my magic," he said flippantly, taking one of the throwing knives and making Laxus's heart leap into his throat when he stabbed it straight into his arm. He displayed it almost proudly, the lack of blood or pain, and as if it were a trick knife he just withdrew it again, "See? Stab me as hard as you want, you can't hurt me."

Laxus blinked rapidly, "I... but... the hunting knife...?"

"Not my iron," Gajeel replied, "Can't cut me with that either... unless I let it happen. Hurts like a bitch, though."

"Why in the hell do keep a low-carbon steel hunting knife if your iron can't hurt you at all?" Laxus asked, incredulous.

"Personal choice," he said cryptically, and then sighed heavily at the demand for an explanation written across Laxus's face, "Aside from traceability? Because it ain't personal. I bought my hunting knives for their utility, because they would do a job. I used them to do jobs. My magic, Laxus, is personal. I've only killed using my magic on one occasion... and it was real personal."

Bianca. Granted, not her specifically. He'd used her own knife to do that honor, her golden ritual blade. The meaning wasn't lost on him, the covenant it had bound in blood. His stomach churned with lightning at the memory.

"Right," Laxus said, "Right... Sorry. I should just assume it's a good reason and shut up, huh?"

Gajeel rolled his eyes as he pulled off his shirt and threw it off to the side along with the other blades, muttering about not ruining another outfit. He crossed his arms, waiting expectantly. It took Laxus longer than it really should have to realize he was waiting for him. He twisted the knife in his grip, not directly pointing the end of it at him because it felt way too wrong to do so. Gajeel's eyes flickered down to his hand and back up.

"Your thumb, fairy. Remember what I told ya?"

"A-ah... right." Laxus changed his grip and somewhat pointed it towards him. In his head he told himself to lunge forward but his body wouldn't move. "I can't do this."

"You ain't gonna hurt me, Sparky," Gajeel assured him.

"I can't stab you Gajeel. Fucks sakes..."

"Don't stab me, then. Just keep me away," Gajeel said.

"Eh?"

Gajeel rushed him, and Laxus immediately retreated. He had to fight to keep from manifesting his magic, because that was sort of the point, wasn't it? But instinct made him want to protect himself in a way that was familiar. So instead, he reeled back from him again, and again, unwilling to point the knife at him, to even deter his advance with a menacing slash.

"You gotta at least pretend ta try here, fairy," Gajeel smirked.

"I don't want to hurt you," he defended, scowling as he was forced back again, constantly retreating.

"If I were Davian or his brother, ye'd be dead already," Gajeel snarled, "C'mon, Laxus, I thought ya didn't run?"

That made something in him snap back. Empyreal indignation that he wasn't willing to place came rushing from the back of his mind, firing down his arm before he could stop it. This time when Gajeel charged, he didn't fall back from him. Instead, he brandished the knife as a threat to ward him away. He hadn't attempted to make contact, but it seemed Gajeel had been awaiting this opportunity. To Laxus's utter horror, he stepped into the knife, his hand clasping around Laxus's as he pulled him close, not allowing him to wrench away.

Every atom in his body buzzed in riot against the feel of the blade plunging into flesh, sinking in deep, until Laxus's hand was stopped by the warmth of Gajeel's skin unrelenting against his hand. The raven looked up at him, not perturbed in the slightest, not even gritting his teeth. He might have been blissful for how he leaned into his gutted fist. If Laxus had stabbed him with a feather, it would have caused more discomfort than what he was doing now. It didn't make him any less unnerved, though.

"This is the place I told you to hit, between the ribs. You're incredibly strong, Laxus, you'll snap my hunting knife hitting bone." Gajeel spoke with a poised calm, holding depth and warmth that didn't befit the situation at all, "Do you feel how the body gives beneath the blade? The resistance?"

Gajeel came unbearably closer, rocking up onto his toes like he was about to kiss him. Laxus didn't appreciate the way his stomach swooped, more and more disturbed by the passing second. Gajeel's hand tightened around his wrist.

"How prepared should you be, Laxus, so you don't panic when it's a real fight? I'll tell you the amount of blood was what surprised me the first time. So much and also a lot less than I expected." he spoke low, calm, like a hunter trying to lure something out of a trap. It felt intimate and it made Laxus's skin crawl, "There is a layer of tissue that holds your insides in. When you break it, things tend to start spilling out."

"G-Gajeel." Laxus said, his voice trembling with warning, with shaky panic.

"You're scared... why? How is this worse than what those talons did to me?" he sighed, a wicked grin creeping across his features. Laxus's heart was beating so hard he thought it might just jump out of his chest. The raven's breath ghosted against his throat, sensual and threatening at the same time. "Always so morbidly curious, Laxus. Ask me your gruesome invasive questions. Spill my guts all over your hand."

"Are you trying to turn me on right now?" Laxus hissed, completely unwilling to move despite his terror. He could feel every expansion of Gajeel's ribcage pushing against his hand, a world swelling and collapsing beneath the pressure of iron firmly sheathed between his ribs. There was a pulse in the handle, a shivering heartbeat rattling against the metal beating half as frantically as his own.

"Is it working?" Gajeel's chuckle was deep in his throat, enticing, "Are you still going to freak out?"

"I'll freak out a lot more if I get hard while stabbing you."

"You worry too much," Gajeel said with a silky smoothness he didn't like. He didn't let Laxus respond, "You watch porn, Laxus. I know you do. Do you ever watch hard-core horror?"

"No," Laxus said, his voice plainly displaying his confusion and disgust.

"Ever heard the word carnography?"

"Gajeel..." he warned again, attempting to pull away as Gajeel pressed his hips to his own, inviting a sensation Laxus didn't welcome in the slightest.

"It uses the carnality of both genres as a bridge. They both expose the open body, porn through carnal knowledge and horror through carnage..." Gajeel said, kissing his throat tenderly. Laxus's imagination raced, bringing to mind an open wound or an orifice. He shuddered internally at similarities he didn't want to draw between the two, "Both are taboos that display the hidden places of the body, the breaking of bodily boundaries. 'Course, one is more about filling an opening, and the other is about creating an opening where there wasn't one before. Both enjoy gaping mouths. Pain and ecstasy... the overlap is primal, hm? Somethin' to do with how our heads are wired. Isn't it weird that the same fight or flight sensation that keeps you alive also turns you on? Maybe all we are is just animals pretending to be better than what we are."

Laxus's stomach coiled. Warmth was slipping up his throat. He gritted his teeth when Gajeel placed a kiss against the soft of his jaw and then eased back down from his tiptoes slowly. Laxus, mortified by his body's avid response, realized Gajeel had somehow turned him on. Cunning red eyes boiled like the earth splitting open as he finally, mercifully, let Laxus go, but the blonde didn't move. He had leaned towards him, enthralled by his magnetism, and felt like he was going crazy the entire time. A moth to an insidious flame. The wriggling fly caught in the spider's web. Gajeel let him list along after him like a dog to an exceptionally beguiling scent.

"This isn't carnography. All that's a little more intense. This is just a harmless little thrill. A knife fight. Now... fight me, Laxus." Gajeel said, those last words holding all the same inflection as fuck me.

"Are you trying to turn me into a sexual sadist?" he gasped, fighting to come to his senses, "Because that's what this feels like."

"Just tryin' to be edgy and sexy," he replied, graceful enough to not bat his eyelashes alongside the sickeningly sweet tone, "You don't have a reason to be scared. It's just a high stakes dance, swête weder, and you know how to dance. But if you miss a step, Laxus, I'll kill you. So you should take it a little more seriously."

"A dance?" Well, this wasn't good. Laxus already felt like he couldn't catch his breath, "You should have led withthat analogy, not goddamn snuff porn."

"Did I make you upset?" Gajeel said as he backed away from him, standing at the ready. This time, he summoned his scales up to his elbows.

"Yes." Laxus said.

"Good," his voice rolled down into a menacing growl as he looked down his nose at him. His talons blinked in the sun's light as he held them aloft, displaying clearly his intent to cause harm. "Act like it."

What he had witnessed those talons do played in his memory vividly. In Orotrushit's vision, he had felt what it was like to disembowel a man with an iron lance. He had known bloodlust. Seeing Gajeel before him now, he felt a foreign sensation of fear turn his stomach sour. The fact that Gajeel was a killer bloomed into reality. A nightmare, Laxus thought to himself, the love of his life was a fucking nightmare proficient in murder. He had hunted people for the better half of a decade, the last thing so many men had ever seen. This was his knife, made from his iron, and it couldn't hurt him.

Suddenly, Laxus wasn't afraid of hurting him. He was much more intimidated by the possibility of Gajeel hurting him and what that would look like. A simple cut? Or something to impress the fear of death? Gajeel was so showy, theatrical. It would definitely be the fear of death.

They both stared each other down, Laxus finally making the choice to point the blade towards Gajeel. His love smiled at him with no kindness, revealing the wolf for what it was. Laxus's muscles coiled, and he didn't meet his grin with anything less than stoic sobriety. Gajeel had the edge in hand-to-hand combat, relying on it far more than he did in a fight. But Laxus had power. He was physically stronger, and taller to boot. And, of course, he was the one with the knife. He'd have to overpower him. Get him on the defensive and keep him there. But that was the trouble with Gajeel, he was always the first to go for the throat.

Gajeel surged forward, crossing the distance between them in the span of a heartbeat, the latency of thunder after a flash of lightning. Laxus stabbed forward, making a swift arc for his ribs and watching closely how he dodged to the side. When his boot hit grass, he sprung forward, allowing Laxus another vicious thrust towards him so he could grab his fist before it could plunge into his chest. Laxus let out a strangled cry when Gajeel snapped his arm down, in one fluid motion slipping his foot behind his ankle and knocking his weight out from under him.

He fell down hard on his knee and didn't have time to recover. Gajeel had already twisted his arm backward, forcing him to lean forward to keep him from popping his arm from its socket. A hand fisted at the nape of his neck, and Laxus grunted when he was forced to release his death grip on the knife at a vicious twist to his wrist. A knee to the small of his back. Gajeel's full weight pressed a bruise into him. A brutal hand forced his head back as something dug into the flesh of his unguarded throat. He'd tucked the knife into his hand so that his thumb, not the tip of the blade, dug into Laxus's skin. Just to drive home his point, Gajeel dragged the flat of his knifesharp talon from just below one ear to the other, a butcherous mockery of his throat being slit that made his blood turn to ice.

"You're dead, darlin'." Gajeel snarled against his ear.

Laxus was stunned. A blur of seconds and it was over. How had he lost so quickly?

Gajeel released him to catch himself on his hands. He flinched at the sound of the blade stabbing into the ground. It taunted him just a few inches away, protruding from the earth where Gajeel had coldly tossed it. He took in a steadying breath, snatched up the knife and stood. Gajeel watched him steadily, his red eyes placid and dark, his face betraying nothing of what he was thinking.

"Again," Laxus said. "I want to try again."

"That was way cooler than it had any right to be." Serrill's voice startled them, and they both snapped their heads around to see him and Davian standing on the path just at the edge of the grass. Neither of them had any idea how long they'd been standing there, but clearly it had been a minute. Serrill grinned like a kid, "Are we allowed to make bets on the winner?"

Gajeel looked to Laxus who shrugged vaguely, desperate to hide how unnerved he was that they were being watched.

"Why the hell not?" he muttered.

Davian's brows rose as if he hadn't been expecting that response to Serrill's good-natured request. His voice was distant, like he was deep in a thought. Laxus didn't particularly want to guess why, given what had transpired at the temple.

"Well, I certainly know my pick."

"That's fine," Serrill said lightly, "I like a good underdog. You got this, Laxus."

"Underdog." Laxus scoffed under his breath.

"I got years of experience on ya, mîn luz," Gajeel assuaged him in a voice murky and frigid as deep water, "We both know in a real fight you'd drop me in a second."

Laxus clicked his teeth and squared up again.

"Do you remember that day in the clearing when your senses were too much?" Gajeel asked, taking a languid step to the side, and then another, circling him slowly, each movement holding the same grace and sure elegance of a large cat on the prowl, "Do you remember what I told you?"

Laxus steadied his breathing, trying to stem nervousness, "You told me to look at you."

"Good," this time when he stepped, Laxus mirrored the action, realizing he'd been quietly closing distance, "What do you see?"

"I know how to fight, Gajeel." Laxus said derisively.

"So I shouldn't have mopped the floor with you. But I did," Gajeel replied, a sound like black satin shifting against itself, "Why, do you think? Because you're still scared of a knife?"

Laxus scowled, tightening his grip on the handle.

"Do you know why you have a serrated blade on a hunting knife?" Gajeel asked.

"Because it does more damage coming back out," Laxus forced through gritted teeth, feeling more and more like a lamb trapped under his blood red gaze. He was just playing with him, each step he took leisurely and confident. It spoke of power. It spoke of prowess. What a terrible time to realize you're out of your depth.

"If I got you in the arm, you probably wouldn't be able to use it," Gajeel said coolly, "Your leg and I'd leave you limping. You lose more blood than with a nice straight edge. Do you know how many liters of blood there are in the human body?"

Laxus, damn him, was retreating. His heart jumped in his chest, telling him to flee. Fight or flight. Laxus wasn't used to fighting the urge to run.

"Five liters. It's a lot, but it runs out quick," Gajeel said, "and when your heart is racing, darlin', it runs out even faster."

"You're starting to scare me," Laxus confessed.

"Good…" Gajeel grinned, showing his sharp teeth. Laxus saw his legs tense, telegraphing what was to come, "…because I'm about to kill you again."

Two steps and Gajeel was before him, coming up from below. Laxus fell back, deflecting talons with his arm. He stepped and twisted, attempting to hit him in the side with his knee only for it to be blocked by Gajeel's shoulder, that same shoulder which dipped just as he trapped his leg against him. He spun and forced Laxus off balance, falling disgracefully onto his side.

He rolled to his feet, but he was a step behind, reeling back to escape the silver flash of talons. He barely dodged another swipe, knocked onto his heels. He could see the writing on the wall, and blindly slashed when Gajeel came relentless for him once again. The sound of steel striking iron scales rang in his ears. Red eyes glistened. He raced forward and white sparks burst where the blade sung against his iron shield. Laxus winced, blinded for an instant, and that was all it took.

"Tip toes." Gajeel snarled.

Laxus threw his head back too late. The sharp of an iron claw pressed against his jugular. He was forced back onto his toes, caught like a fish on a hook, gasping at the feel of Gajeel's lethally keen talon digging into his throat. His heart was in his ears, terrified at the thought of losing his balance and being impaled.

"Dead."

A boot to his gut, and Laxus grimaced as he staggered and fell back. Gajeel had withdrawn before blood could be spilt, but he still landed hard on the ground, the knife in his hand falling harmlessly at his side. Again, Gajeel looked down on him, a black shadow with his lips in a firm line.

"You cheated." Laxus scowled up at him.

"I cheated?" Gajeel sneered, "How so?"

"Who blinds someone in a fight?" Laxus snapped.

"Hah! There is no code of conduct in a knife fight, Laxus," Gajeel simpered down at him, "There is no honor when you fight to survive. There's life and there's death, and you're dead, Laxus. Twice."

Gajeel sighed, attempting to calm himself down before he, too, got frustrated.

"Have you ever fought a non-mage before, fairy?"

"No," Laxus replied, his voice strapped with his pent-up anger.

"Do you know how scary a wizard is to someone without magic?" he asked.

Laxus paused, considering. It was something he'd never given thought to before. People were intimidated by him everywhere he went, being the powerful mage that he was, and that wasn't something he ever cared about. It was odd to him that would be relevant now. Gajeel continued, unperturbed.

"I can summon spears with my mind. I can make my skin impenetrable. And you? You can call down the heavens. How do you compete with that when you can't use magic?"

"I... don't know," Laxus admitted through clenched teeth.

"There's no etiquette, fairy, no one waits for you to gather your strength so you can let loose. When the option is you or the guy in front of you, there is no honorable loss. You fight to live. Chivalry is for the dead. There are no heroes, only martyrs. D'you really think someone like Davian's bastard brother is going to let ya catch yer breath when you can turn him to ash with a snap of your fingers?"

"Alright, I get it." Laxus gritted his teeth, a little ashamed but still refusing to give up, "Again."

"Again?" Gajeel scoffed, running a taloned hand down his face. "Can you handle this again?"

"He sure can!" Serrill egged him on. Damn, he'd completely forgotten he and Davian were standing there. It sobered him a little.

"You won't get me this time," Laxus huffed, pushing himself once again to his feet.

"This was a fun little game, Laxus, but it's time to quit, now." Gajeel said with no gentleness to the words.

"I'm not playing a game!" Laxus snapped.

"You're angry, honey. Ye ain't gonna accomplish nothin' angry." He rotated his wrist like he was relaxing, dropping his scales. The dismissiveness almost had Laxus seeing red, "Just gonna get yourself hurt."

"I said, let me try again." Laxus insisted, gritting his teeth.

"It ain't personal, doll." Gajeel said, and it felt like a smack to the face. He bristled. Honey? Doll? Was he trying to piss him off?

"It fucking feels personal," Laxus seethed.

"Well, it's not. It's not personal..." Gajeel's red eyes widened, brimming with an emotion never directed at him. It was haughty, it was malicious, a challenge written in the way his head tossed back and his shoulders straightened. He shrugged and Laxus felt his stomach sink, "You're just in my way."

Gajeel lunged and Laxus damn near ran, his heart trilling up into his head to the point he was dizzy. Gajeel was ruthless, baring his teeth in a way that said if his talons didn't do the job, his canines would.

"Don't let him get into your head, Laxus!" Serrill yelled, "He's playing you like a fiddle!"

Laxus brought the knife around to meet him, but his wrist shot up, knocking it away. He didn't even have his scales up now, that was how trivial it all was to him. Laxus was trying his damnest and Gajeel couldn't be bothered. He was just a bored cat toying with a wounded sparrow, batting him around to draw out the impending kill. Fire surged in his chest. When Gajeel met his retreating step with his own surge forward, he swung. The brutal sound of flesh meeting flesh made his stomach drop. Gajeel's head whipped to the side from the impact. Instinctively, Laxus flipped the knife around to the reverse, putting up his fists protectively as Gajeel straightened. Calculated, intentional, Gajeel brought up his thumb to brush the blood from his gums, smearing it across his teeth. For half a second, he was worried he'd gone too far, but he quickly stomped the feeling down at the way Gajeel ran his tongue across his teeth, a grin curling on one side of his mouth.

"Gonna fight back now, Sparky?" he purred, licentious and calm. This was all just a game to him and Laxus was sick of it.

"You gonna be serious?" Laxus challenged him back.

"What makes ya think I haven't been, fairy?" he asked sweetly.

Well, that did it. Laxus finally kicked what little common sense he had left out of him with one command. He grabbed his collar, pulled him close to look him in the eye.

"Get out your knife," Laxus growled, "Kurogane."

Gajeel's smile fell away but Laxus refused to take it back now.

With deliberate slowness, Gajeel reached down and unsheathed his hunting knife. Black steel flashed in the midday light, each hungry tooth of the serrated edge craving bloodshed. Seeing it in Gajeel's hand, the shadow that danced in his eyes, made an edge of whetted dread clench in his stomach. Something coiled inside of him, an adder dripping venom and waiting to bite. Self-preservation. The instinct to flee mingled with his anger, twisting and transforming into fight.

With a lithe wrist and practiced hand, Gajeel sliced the air with the simple action of bringing his blade to the ready at his side. He didn't hold it the way Laxus did, a man wielding a knife. He held it like it was a part of him, just an extra nine inches of cold metal attached to his arm. With his free hand, Gajeel fished into his pocket, pulling out his cigarettes. He acted like he had all the time in the world, like Laxus wasn't standing at the ready with his knife aimed in anticipation to draw blood. He tucked the pack away, pulled out his lighter, lit it, all while Laxus stood and watched, more and more uneasy as time marched on.

"Are you scared of me?" Gajeel asked when he finally brought his gaze up to look at him.

"More mind games?" Laxus snarled, "Honestly, Gajeel?"

"Gajeel? I thought you wanted Kurogane? That's all he is, is mind games," Gajeel replied in a sinisterly even tone, "And patience. Most people don't know that part but I can be patient when I wanna be. That's how you survive this long. Patience... and knowing when to seize an opportunity."

Laxus furrowed his brow, studying him.

"You didn't answer my question," Gajeel said, stepping to the side, his gait easy. He kept Laxus's gaze but he wasn't watching him closely, not like he should have been.

"No," Laxus snarled, turning to keep his body facing him.

"Good... I wouldn't want that. If anything, I'd want you to feel safe. I'd never really hurt you, darlin'. This is just a little practice is all. Some fun. A lesson." Gajeel said, smoking his cigarette as he made a wide circle around him. He flicked his hand to the side as he talked and the knife glinted, sneering at him. Mocking him. Craving him. "Maybe I have before but blood is rare… and sweet. It just means I care... that I like the taste of you. You know that, don't you? I'm doing this to you because I care."

Laxus set his jaw, mirroring his step instead of just turning to keep him in his sights. He didn't miss the smirk that crossed Gajeel's face, the glitter in his eye at Laxus's observation and rebuttal. He took a deep drag of his cigarette, the ember glowing vibrant orange before fading. Smoke curled from his mouth before he sighed the rest of it out.

"Are you comfortable?" he asked, another casual motion with the knife, as if he were talking with his hands, "Used to seein' it in my hand, yet? I know how they make ya nervous."

"I'm fine," Laxus replied stiffly, holding his own blade tighter.

"Good... that's what I want. I want you comfortable. Forget that I'm a killer, fairy. A killer that you've let in your bedroom. You know what I am but you still sleep so soundly, like cherry blossoms murdered on the stairs," he spoke casually, looking ahead towards the path he was taking, so carefree he didn't even feel the need to watch Laxus anymore. "I could murder everyone you care about, leave you love notes on their gravestones, and you'd never know it was me."

"He's trying to psych you out!" Serrill called again, "Get him, Laxus!"

"I'm used to the crazy shit you say, Gajeel," Laxus said coldly, though inside he was a spring coiling tighter and tighter, "You're not getting a rise out of me."

Gajeel grinned, not even glancing his direction, "I got you a couple of times, but it didn't really worry you, did it? Even if there's blood on my teeth, you know it's far beyond dry."

Laxus's anger was beginning to cool. He sounded so sincere. He wasn't sure what he was getting at. He didn't drop his guard though, didn't stop mirroring his steps. Scarlet eyes rolled his direction. The blade glinted, flashing light in Laxus's eyes and making him wince. But Gajeel didn't come for him when the opportunity presented itself. He merely brought the cigarette back to his lips, his features softening as he took a deep breath. Dangerous. Deadly. Beautiful. Laxus watched how he sighed.

"My claws are gone so you don't need to be afraid. I won't do that to ya, again. I wouldn't... You know I didn't mean to scare you that bad. I just know how to teach lessons the hard way. I understand if it's hard for you to be brave after something like that, though..."

"I'm... fine... Gajeel," Laxus said slowly, furrowing his brow.

"Good, good... I worry, because, well, I know I'm a killer... and I've been known to crave blood. But you know I've left that behind me. I don't, I've never... well, it's hard. I still see naïve things like you and can't help but think of all the ways I can tear it apart. It'd be easy to… but I try not to," he continued, his eyes running over the tops of the trees as he walked. This time when he motioned with his knife, he pointed it at Laxus, "Makes me sick to my stomach to think of you that way, though. So... you're safe, darlin'. I promise."

Laxus's heart was knocking around in his ribs, flushing cold adrenaline into him. He couldn't form words. Don't let him get in your head. Except… he sounded so sincere didn't he? There'd been a time when Gajeel had fallen into a panic attack while lovingly brushing Laxus's throat because his mind told him to dig in his claws and kill the man in his arms…

"You know my teeth are sharp, and I've been raised to kill, but... I'd never act on it. Not anymore. The catharsis in murder, the satisfaction... I can ignore it." he said, and Laxus froze. The catharsis. Gajeel craved catharsis enough to slit his wrists. Gajeel noticed his sudden tension, betrayed by the knowing look he flashed him masked by a mocking kind of concern. "I said, I can ignore it, darlin'. You're safe."

Laxus's heart beat harder. His smirk was gone, no longer playing some sort of game. Or, at least, Laxus didn't think he was. His eyes flashed to Davian and Serrill for just a moment. Serrill's fists were clenched, silently cheering him on still. Davian was straight-backed and stoic, revealing nothing. His hands were even clasped tightly behind his back.

"You believe that, don't you, Laxus? That you're safe with me?" Gajeel asked, dark, insidious, taking a step towards him, "Or is that what all this about? Do you feel like you have to protect yourself? Do you have to stop me from hurting someone you care about?"

"No," Laxus said too quickly, telling himself not to drop his guard, don't drop your guard.

He thought Gajeel was going to kill Davian at the temple. The look in his eye, the cold distance, coming out only when he was readying himself to end life. That same cold hatred when he'd looked down on Orotrushit, almost fulfilling a prophecy only Laxus knew.

"You don't like sharp pains, do you?" he asked, leaning towards him as he approached. The serrated edge of Gajeel's blade was pointed towards him, his thumb aiding in precision. It was aimed for his chest. "And what happened last time, fairy? When someone tried to kill you with a knife? How many times have you met the business end of a blade?"

"It ain't happening again," Laxus said, but the memories flashed behind his eyelids without his consent. Bianca stabbing him in the shoulder, Davian pressing his sabre against his throat, Orotrushit pinning him to a wall. How many times had he met the business end of a blade?

"I'm not some vindictive bitch with a twisted agenda, Laxus. You can't compete with me," Gajeel said, taking a step towards him again. His entire body was facing him, portraying sovereignty and deadly precision in each measured stride towards him, the look of a man who knew no real opposition, not in this. Laxus refused to budge, his knuckles bleaching white with how he clutched his knife, trying to appear unfazed despite how small he felt with Gajeel's full bloodthirsty attention on him. Gajeel spoke with canines flashing, "I'll have you dead before I'm done with this cigarette."

"You can fucking try," Laxus snarled.

"And do you know why?" he asked, a nasty sneer darkening his features, "Because it's exactly as you said at the temple. All I am is just an animal waiting for my chance to kill again."

Gajeel lunged. Laxus didn't retreat. He met him, blade on blade, the ringing of metal deafening in his ears. He heard Serrill whoop from where he stood.

"First steel!"

But Laxus didn't feel victorious, even though it truly was a feat for him. His arms were shaking under the force Gajeel used to push against him. He wasn't practiced in holding a knife, not like he was, and the raven's eyes were burning into his own as their faces became closer. His eyelids drooped, and in the same way he had done nights prior, his gaze flickered to his lips and back up again, and then he breathed tobacco smoke straight into Laxus's face. Laxus reared, and shoved him back, trying not to cough.

It was the cruel way he sprung that had Laxus faltering back. No wicked grin to give an air that this was all just a game going a little too far. Gajeel's eyes were wide, dilated pupils drinking in every inch of him as he came for him. He didn't flinch when Laxus brought up his knife, and when he threw a punch to try and catch him off guard, Gajeel whipped his head to the side to dodge it. His other hand free, he used it to bear down his weight upon Laxus when steel slated against iron once again. There was a flash of light but Laxus was prepared this time, grinding his teeth as he tried to get his weight back under him, to not be forced back again.

"You're strong, Laxus, but you're slow…" Gajeel's voice devolved into a livid growl at the base of his throat, "…make one mistake and I'll open up a hole on your gut. Ask me what for, and I'll tell you."

Laxus bared his teeth at him, not willing to use enough concentration to rise to the challenge. Gajeel, sensing this, leaned so close the point of Laxus's blade was almost resting against his neck. His lips twisted.

"Carnography, honey." he glared up at him through his lashes, speaking softly, "And with all that Vitalis Powder we didn't use? I wouldn't even have to worry about leaving a scar…"

Laxus's stomach crawled up into his chest. He noise he made was one of shock, disgust, and dismay. Gajeel flashed a mirthless smile. Laxus threw a wild punch, horrified when Gajeel snapped back a step. Laxus felt like he was watching his death coming in slow motion. Every wrong move he'd made played out before him too fast for him to stop it. He'd let him get into his head again.

Gajeel surged forward, fisting the knife in his hand and punching him so hard his breath left him in a huff. He grabbed him by a fistful of hair and brutally threw him to the ground. The weight of a body fell on top of him, each movement meant to hold him down was as savage as they were practiced. Laxus lost himself in fight or flight. Instinct. He brought his knife around with a desperate slash, aiming simply to cause enough harm to get him to relent.

Every atom in him screamed to stop when it plunged into flesh, but his blind terror colored with dismay as he realized it wasn't a ribcage he'd sunk his blade into, but Gajeel's shoulder brought forward specifically to catch his reactive strike. He forced his arm down, trapped Laxus's throat against the ground. The guttural noise that left Gajeel when his hunting knife stabbed into the dirt made Laxus's heart stop painfully. He raked the blade up, his knuckles brushing Laxus's side as he dragged it, carving a deep trench into the ground. Laxus was frozen, his veins turning to cold stone as in his mind's eye he was vivisected up the middle. In a motion morbidly fluid and natural, Gajeel drew back his arm and flipped the blade in his hand, stabbing down next to his face.

Seconds passed in what felt like a drudge of hours. Gajeel was wide-eyed looking down on him. Laxus was petrified on the ground. Dead. Breath fell against his face, haggard puffs that made Laxus realize just how hard Gajeel was breathing. Scarlet danced from side to side as if he were searching for something in Laxus's gaze before they steadied and became distant, as if he wasn't there at all. That was a look Laxus knew and abhorred, the telltale sign he was getting lost in some nightmare he'd witnessed before.

It wasn't a game anymore. It hadn't been for a while.

It was like the life had drained from his eyes, smoldering dimly like the dying embers of a fire, "You're dead, Laxus."

"Y-yeah."

Gajeel blinked a few times before trying for speech again, "Fuck… I dropped my cigarette."

"Well…" Laxus said, the only explanation he could drum up.

He accepted Gajeel's helping hand, trying not to dwell on how it was trembling. He was lighting another cigarette before Laxus had pulled the knife from the dirt. He had made no move to remove the one from his shoulder, and hesitantly, Laxus grasped the handle, pulled it free. The iron dragon didn't even acknowledge it. Laxus noticed he was scratching at his wrist absently as he wound himself back down from their fight.

"Again?" Laxus asked.

"Damn straight, again!" Serrill yelled, "You almost had him that time!"

"Oh yes, quite," Davian said, his sarcasm all but screaming not even close.

"Laxus…" Gajeel said, sounding tired and vexed, "I don't think that's a great idea."

"You didn't scare me." He lied. He didn't know why he lied. Gajeel could probably scent his fear coming off of him like the sickly-sweet stench of a week-old corpse. It certainly smelled similar.

"It's not you, fairy. It's me." he blew smoke out the side of his mouth, not looking at him, "The dissociation… I'm scarin' myself."

Laxus huffed, but tried to squash his frustration. It wasn't worth putting Gajeel in a poor headspace, which he obviously was. Before Laxus, could concede, though, he heard Gajeel sigh.

"One more… but then we're done, alright?" he said.

"Are you sure?" Laxus asked, but Gajeel just made a dismissive sound.

He took one more deep hit and held it in. Laxus felt each beat of his own heart like a sledgehammer as he waited for Gajeel to breathe out again. When he finally did, the way his shoulders eased their harsh edges was deliberate. He took back his knife in an oddly cautious way, like he was worried it would come alive and bite him, wiping the blade on his pants as he once again paced away from him.

"If you really don't want to…"

"Don't surrender, Laxus!" Serrill called, "You got him this time!"

Laxus gave him an annoyed look, but was surprised to see Davian had tilted his head to the side, his arms crossed. He watched them frigidly. His face was set in a pensive frown, no doubt calculating something.

"What do you think, Major?" Laxus asked smoothly.

His reply was matter of fact, "I think it would be a small miracle. You're simply outclassed in a knife fight."

"Damn… and here Serrill was amping me up." he said dryly.

"He has a vested interest in you winning... ten thousand jewels' worth, to be precise."

"Somethin' ta remember, fairy," Gajeel said gently, "fightin' me ain't like fighting Bianca, or even Davian's brother. They're not trained to kill. Hell, even Davian and Serrill are trained to take prisoners, kill second. Fighting them, even though they know how to properly use a sword, ain't like fighting me. I've got one goal, and it's to kill you as quick and efficient as possible. It's a different approach than you're used to."

"You're not like this when you use magic," Laxus said, and Gajeel shrugged.

"I'm a mage when I use magic," he replied, like that didn't worry the hell out of Laxus to hear him say, "what I'm tryin' to say is, don't get discouraged because you can't get me. You're doin' fine defending yourself. If you had fought this hard against Bianca, she never would have got you in the shoulder."

"But that's all I'm doing, defending myself… and I'm not even doing that well."

"Usually that's all it takes, being too much trouble ta kill." Gajeel replied, "Can't tell ya how many times I made it outta something just because they didn't have the energy to chase me down."

Laxus blinked at that, "You've run from fights?"

"I made you run from a fight, remember? Well… don't call it runnin'. Call it a tactical retreat." he said with just a shadow of a devilish grin, "Can't do my job if I'm dead, can I?"

"Kurogane was known for relentless pursuit." Davian hummed. "Among other things."

"I've got good stamina," Gajeel winked at Laxus when he said it, "But you already knew that, mîn luz."

Laxus, despite it all, chuckled.

Levity. He didn't realize how much he'd needed it until Gajeel had made him laugh. Tension fell away from his shoulders, a massive burden he hadn't realized he bore until it was gone. The world didn't seem so bleak anymore. Gajeel wasn't a hunter coming for him with knife in hand. He was his lover, and he was trying to alleviate his carefully-kept fears by teaching him how to properly defend himself with a knife. How to survive a fight with Orotrushit. Maybe he was brutal in his lessons, but Laxus had a suspicion he had learned in a much more brutal way: lived experience.

"You're off your game... and you're scared of knives," Gajeel said. It wasn't an accusation, it wasn't even an observation. The depth betrayed his understanding. Gajeel lifted his blade, presenting it for him to see, "Don't think of it like a knife. Don't even think of it like a weapon. Think of it like your fist."

Laxus opened his mouth to object but stilled as he watched the way Gajeel twisted his wrist, how the dark blade obeyed his command. It looked natural when he held it, like it was supposed to be there. Witnessing it, Laxus had a hard time picturing him without it now.

"Just like your lightning, the knife is just something to help you. It's a tool. And like any other tool, it will only hurt you in the hands of someone who wants to hurt you," Gajeel explained, "Get used to the feel of it in your hand… the weight of it. Like how it feels to have static at your fingertips, it'll become second nature, an extension of yourself… or maybe I just feel that way because of my obsession with metal."

"No, no, that's good instruction. That's how we train our cadets, also," Davian said, unsheathing his sabre. He held it out and to the side. With his free hand, he made a line from the center of his chest, down his arm, and to the pommel of the sword, "Consider it an extension to your arm. It changes your center of balance, the strength it requires to wield taxes the body, requires new strength that must be cultivated to endure a battle. Your sabre, your knife, isn't simply a weapon. There are a million stances, a million fighting styles. It can be as intimate a relationship as a friend, or as clinical as a simple tool. Care for it, maintain it, keep it with you at all times. It shouldn't be regarded with fear, but respect. Reverence. It may save your life."

"May? Will." Serrill said soberly, "You have to use discretion. The sabre is deadlier than magic. It should be a last resort."

Davian tilted his head to the side, a shrug. Of course, it wasn't a last resort for him, he was a non-mage. It was his first. And Gajeel, who was accustomed to fighting without magic, also turned to his knife without hesitation. It dawned on Laxus how different of a world he lived in from most of Earthland. Until recently, his own power was something he could rely on, why he was always so self-assured and why he was so off-balance now.

But Laxus wasn't an inexperienced fighter by any means. What Gajeel had said earlier rang true, he shouldn't have been able to beat him so easily. It was his fear of the knife in his own hands that made him overly cautious and allowed Gajeel to keep him exactly where he wanted him. He needed to get out of his own head.

"You have good instincts, Laxus." Gajeel said, "You just need to teach yourself not to fear the blade, mine or yours. Once ya get over that, I think you'll be fine."

Laxus sighed, wilting a bit, "Alright."

"Want me to ease off a bit?" Gajeel asked, "I can turn it down."

"You're fine…" Laxus rolled his eyes, "You shouldn't be able to get into my head that easy. Where the hell do you come up with the crazy shit you say?"

"Most of 'em I've heard before. Shit people have said to me… I dunno," his gaze sliced to the side and he shrugged, "Things pop in my head. They sound scary. I say them out loud… mostly."

"Mostly?"

"Let me know when you're ready," he replied, flicking away what was left of his cigarette.

"What's worse than carnography, Gajeel?" Laxus demanded.

Gajeel just shrugged innocently, "Who knows?"

"How in the hell would you hear something like that?"

Gajeel rolled his eyes as he slid into his ready stance, "Tell ya what, darlin', you beat me and I'll tell ya."

"Do I want to know?"

"You're stalling, Laxus," Gajeel said, stepping towards him, his unspoken threat made plain, "Scared I'll kill you again, darlin'?"

Laxus immediately dropped into his ready stance, already on the defense, "Why do you only call me darling when you're about to pretend to kill me in cold blood?"

His tone was distant, eerie, "Reminds me who you are."

Laxus gritted his teeth, pushed the comment away. He needed to be smart about this, it was his last chance to try again.

When Gajeel stepped to the side, Laxus mirrored him.

Gajeel was right, he was strong, but he was slow. His advantage was in his height and in his strength, but only if he could keep his footing. Gajeel, so far, had been very good at keeping him falling back. But it was apparent to Laxus now that he had an obvious and well-worn plan of attack. Just like Laxus, he was incredibly strong. If he could get the jump on his victim, he could easily muscle them where he wanted them. And Laxus, being the predictable man that he was, fell into step right where he wanted to exploit his inexperience. And Gajeel wasn't afraid to retreat, gaining distance between them to rush in again and knock him off balance. Laxus would need to find a way to keep him from gaining space.

It dawned on him what he needed to do, and his chest became uncomfortably tight with anxiety. He needed to strike first. Laxus turned the knife around to the defensive position, drawing up his other fist like a boxer, stepping again to the side. This time, Gajeel mirrored him.

"Are you thinkin', darlin'?" Gajeel asked, coolly, "You gonna get me in the neck?"

"No," Laxus said, determined, "I'm going to get you in the chest."

His eyes flashed with excitement, "You have a plan?"

"Yes," Laxus breathed, "I think I get how you operate."

"Good... I'm proud of you," he said, saccharine, as if he were complimenting his hair or his outfit or his smile, "Did you know you lead with your left foot?"

Laxus gritted his teeth.

"Your weight shifts to it when you think about rushin' me," Gajeel said, his hand flexing, waiting violence between his fingers, "I'm going to give you some advice. It ain't nice, but you need to remember it."

"...alright," Laxus said, not sure if this was another mind game or genuine.

"I know you wanna be merciful. You don't want to kill anybody. All this is a last case kind of thing. Somethin' you'll do if you have no other choice," Gajeel began, his tone bone-dry and deadly serious, "If you make the choice, you need to commit."

"Commit?" Laxus said, frowning.

"When you pull out your knife, Laxus, you do it with the intention to kill without hesitation," Gajeel said, his lips in a tight line, "If you don't, they'll suffer slowly, painfully, and you don't want that. If you kill, make it swift. That is a bigger mercy than letting them die slow. I know."

Laxus swallowed hard, sure his face betrayed how daunted he felt.

"When I was fifteen, I took my first life. I was scared… and I didn't follow through. It took more than one try. It took a very, very long time." The weight in his words would have been enough to shatter Laxus's resolve if he wasn't still so anxious of the dark blade in Gajeel's hand, "Trust me, darlin', you don't want to see somethin' like that."

Laxus nodded his head, "...alright."

"My iron is in your hand. You can't hurt me. Not really," he said gently, "Don't hesitate or you'll be dead again. Do you understand?"

"You don't scare me," Laxus dared a bit of a smirk.

"Good. Keep it that way."

Laxus lunged, attempting to close the distance. Gajeel, though, was just as quick. Each step he took matched his own, swift in his retreat and with knife at the ready. Then, Gajeel made his rebuttal. In a movement like a viper striking forward, he stabbed towards him. Laxus was hasty, but effective. He shoved his arm into his wrist, knocking the thrust wide, and then Gajeel was gone, retreating a few paces to give them both distance. Laxus pulled his hands back up into his defensive stance, fists in front of him. He stepped to the side. Gajeel mirrored him.

Laxus clenched and unclenched his jaw. Striking first wasn't enough. Gajeel was too quick, too knowledgeable. And, Laxus was sure, he'd have the stamina to outlast him. Laxus's prowess was in ending a fight quickly. He'd have to find a way to catch him off guard and then pin him down, but how? He was frightfully predictable and was now painfully aware of it.

Gajeel didn't allow him to ponder a new strategy. He moved like a flash, so reminiscent of when he'd grounded Laxus back in Magnolia that it made shock turn his limbs dumb. He caught his knife with his own, wincing at the ringing scream of their clash in his ears. The force of the collision sent pain ricocheting up his arm and lodging into his shoulder, but he refused to yield. Laxus threw his fist at the same moment that he relented his weight against Gajeel's blade. The raven's eyes snapped to the sudden movement and he allowed himself to fall, rolling onto his shoulder and back to his feet in the next second. In the same time it took Laxus to turn towards him, he pounced again.

In one second, Laxus realized his blade was about to sheath straight into his ribs, and in the next, reason fled him. He dropped the throwing knife, snapping his hands forward to catch Gajeel's hand and stop him. Bloody eyes widened, and Laxus took his opportunity, whipping back his fist and landing a blow to his jaw. Gajeel took the hit and ducked his head, putting weight into his shoulder to try and knock Laxus back. Laxus sent a remorseless knee to his chest, heard the huff of air leave him. Gajeel didn't relent, twisting his hand to try and wrench himself free, so Laxus hit him again, and again, a third time before Gajeel finally fled back from him so quickly Laxus almost fell forward. He was nearly across the clearing from him, almost to the tree line. Laxus's mind was slow to process why, but when it snapped into focus, a thrill raced up his spine.

Laxus was still desperately clutching Gajeel's knife at the hilt.

"Fuck yeah, Laxus!" Serrill cheered him on, "Don't let him get his stride back!"

He was aware of pain in his hand, but he couldn't tear his eyes away to assess the damage. He took his chance to advance, trying to chase Gajeel down. But he was so incredibly fast, and the pain in Laxus's hand was worse than the ringing in his ears, growing until it was nearly impossible to ignore. It stole his concentration, made him hesitant to get too close.

"You hurting?" Gajeel said lowly, red eyes nearly glowing with how intensely they bore into him, "We can call a draw."

"No." Laxus said, gritting his teeth. "I'm winning this one."

"I'll use it against you." Gajeel warned.

"Fucking try it."

Gajeel charged forward and Laxus reacted in kind, meeting him with equal ferocity. He made a jab at Gajeel's side, missed, and stabbed down on him with the blade. Gajeel dodged back, caught his wrist with his forearm and attempted to force it away. Laxus threw his weight into his momentum, refusing to be batted away again. The corners of Gajeel's eyes tightened as he braced up under him, arms shaking from bearing the brunt of Laxus's weight. His eyes dropped to the ground and snapped back up, his jaw set. Laxus registered he was making a plan at the exact moment he realized his discarded knife was still on the ground somewhere he couldn't see. Gajeel surged up and Laxus bore down on him, putting all of his might into keeping him pinned in place, and realized how poor a decision that was when Gajeel's foot snapped back.

Very suddenly, the man Laxus was putting his weight on vanished, and he stumbled forward, nearly falling onto his hands. He turned on his heel just in time to watch Gajeel drop to the ground and Laxus fell upon him, fisting his hand into midnight hair and snapping him back, dragging him away. It was too late, Gajeel had already curled his fingers around the knife, and struck towards him. Laxus reeled back, his heel narrowly missed. And then, Laxus did something he rarely would in a fight, he kicked his hand, sending the blade flying from his grasp. Gajeel swore and now it was Laxus's turn to lurch for it.

It was a mistake, his haughty victory stolen after he'd just barely held it in his hands. Gajeel came up from the ground raging, crushing his hand in a vice grip that made him hiss out a round of curses from the pain. He dropped the blade and immediately retreated, expecting Gajeel to be close at his heels. Instead, he was several paces away, his lip curled in his frustration.

Laxus clutched at his hand and finally chanced a look to it. It wasn't a bad wound, but enough to make his stomach twist. Blood oozed from a gash just below his pinky finger, not more than an inch long, but deep from pressure. A flesh wound, just enough to make him hesitate with his hand. He made a disgusted noise and watched as Gajeel wiped the blood from his blade coldly.

For a horrifying second, Laxus realized he was unarmed… except that actually, he wasn't. He had his own knife sheathed still at his waist. Would it be cheating to draw it now?

Slowly, hesitantly, he drew it, holding it delicately in his right hand. The blade, though dark, was more silvery than the one Gajeel had. An older one he had discarded for what he wielded now, sharpened just for Laxus to use. Gajeel's eyes travelled across it, the look on his face saying ah, there you are old friend.

"Take care with that… it's old. It has experience," he said, a sinister quiet to his voice, "Can you feel it, darlin'? The weight of death in your hand?"

"You're not getting in my head again," he said, determined. His eyes darted to the knife he'd left behind on the ground, what he realized was an advantage to Gajeel should he get it first. And he wasn't pulling his punches, so he would use it if given the chance…

Light glinted from Gajeel's knife as he twisted his wrist. Laxus didn't want him to make the first move, so he stepped to the right, holding the throwing knife in his mind's eye. He had to get it first. Gajeel mirrored his move with footsteps as quiet as smoke.

"Lo, I have become death…" Gajeel said, his voice rolling deep into his throat, spilling out like black ink over the grass before him, "I am the great equalizer. Behold and know the inevitable."

Laxus advanced slowly, hoping beyond hope that Gajeel didn't see the plan forming in his head. He'd have to be fast, he'd have the be sure. He wouldn't be able to waver. It wasn't easy to catch Gajeel off guard. His eyes were that of a predator drinking in its meal before it pounced. His knife flashed again and Laxus's heart jumped.

"I'd give you gold, I'll give you jewels. I'll give you rich robes to wear, if you would spare me one season, one. I beg you give me time my life to amend…"

He saw movement in the corner of his eye, tried to ignore it. Serrill was clutching at Davian's arm like he had to hold himself back. Davian's brow was furrowed in what could have been worry if this weren't a spar. His hands twitched, a movement betraying nervousness. Laxus tore his eye back to Gajeel, his chest tight. He'd moved like hoarfrost, slipping silently closer without Laxus ever noticing the change. He tried to keep his breathing steady, to not betray his deeper thoughts. Gajeel was creeping ever closer, and now he was worried he wouldn't be fast enough.

"Lo, I am death."

Laxus saw his teeth, a sneer like a wolf. Red murder eyes flashed to the knife just a couple short paces away and back to Laxus. He knew.

"All kings and princes bow down to me."

Dread stabbed into his chest like an arrow and his heart immediately jumped to overdrive, pounding up into his ears. His ribcage heaved. Clarity settled in his bones, icing him through and numbing him to even the pain in his hand. Their eyes met, sharp as two swords crossed.

"I'm going to kill you again, darlin'." Gajeel snarled.

Laxus didn't respond. He forced himself to settle his breathing, taking in every inch of his love for one more dreadful moment, and then he ran. Gajeel was a blur of black he didn't have the luxury to focus on. He dropped to his knees, grabbed the knife, fingers curling around the hilt. He sprang back to his feet, jumping back onto his right foot. His eyes fell on Gajeel closing the distance far faster than he'd thought. Laxus brought his arm back, lunged forward, and threw the knife.

Gajeel's eyes widened a fraction as it plunged into his shoulder, knocking him back. Laxus fell on him, thrusting blindly forward. His flesh skittered like a swarm of moths taking flight as the hunting knife plunged into a body. Hands grabbed hold of his wrist, but Laxus held brutality well. He threw his entire body into the action of stabbing Gajeel, into rending skin and fat and muscle and lodging into bone, not stopping until he was thrown against the red-barked tree. Gajeel cried out. Laxus's hilt stopped against smooth skin. Haggard, gasping for breath, Laxus froze.

"Dead." Laxus said, disbelief leeching through that one impossible word.

"G-Get back…" Gajeel whispered.

Pride swelled and died in one fell swoop.

"What?"

A boot to his gut hit him so hard he tumbled back. He fell on his ass with a huff, scowling.

"What the fuck Gajeel?" he demanded.

Gajeel didn't answer him. His eyes were wide, pupils panic-filled slits as he held tightly the hilt protruding from his chest.

"Gajeel?" Laxus asked, springing back to his feet.

He didn't attempt to go to him, watching instead the faraway look that rushed across his features. The sudden looseness of his shoulders, the sure grip of his hands, the light flickering out in ruby eyes. He knew this look, witnessed a flash of it earlier, now suddenly dragging Gajeel away from the present and to a very different time and place. At the safe house, he'd tried to kill Davian because panic had twisted into this defense. To his horror, Laxus realized he'd just triggered it again.

He retreated back a few paces when red eyes snapped up towards him. Delicately, he unspooled his magic, attempting to brush against him and finding no response. Gajeel's magic was meticulously locked behind an iron wall. There was no recognition in his face when Laxus called his name.

"Woah, hey, what's going on?" Serrill said.

"Laxus…" Davian's voice held an edge of uneasiness, "Please tell us he's alright."

"Gajeel…" Laxus said, attempting to be calm and gentle. He tried to remember what he did last time, but he was rattled. The memory was blurred with concern and made his mouth taste sour. He didn't like the way Gajeel was looking at him, "You remember who I am, don't you, love?"

"Oros's Teeth," Davian swore.

"Try to get him to ground himself," Serrill said, "Count backwards."

"Gajeel, wherever you're going to right now, it's not real," Laxus continued warmly, holding his hands aloft, trying to make himself as non-threatening as possible, "Can you answer me? Gajeel… answer me, please."

The last of anything recognizable to him, vanished. Gajeel's face was stoic, eyes lightless and watching him with pinpoint precision, calculating. He knew his mind was gone, but still he didn't want to do anything rash. He wanted Gajeel to come back on his own. The last time had been… implosive. He didn't want to trigger that again. He didn't want to cause Gajeel more resentment in himself. What had he done last time? What had he done? He couldn't think because Gajeel's fingers tightened around the black steel in his hand.

"You're far away right now, aren't you?" Laxus said, trying not to look at the knife, trying to keep his body calm and muscles relaxed. He used slow movements, keeping his hands out where Gajeel could see them, "You were right, we should have stopped earlier. I'm sorry. I didn't realize how much it was scaring you."

Again, no response, just blood-filled eyes watching him coldly. Laxus's stomach was beginning to sink. How long would it take him to wind himself down? Could he at this point?

"Do you feel anything, Davian?" Laxus asked.

"He's gone, Laxus," he replied chillingly, "There's nothing."

"What's going on?" Serrill asked, his tone hitching up in his concern, "What happened?"

"He thinks he's on a mission for… his old master," Davian sidestepped the name pointedly, "He used to retreat into… his mercenary persona."

"Oh… shit. Oh, shit."

"He tried to kill me last time."

"He went after Lily, too," Laxus remembered Lily talking about his nightmares, back when Gajeel had attempted his own life. His warning not to touch him when he was waking, because he'd tried to kill him, "But no one is hurt. We just need to calm down a little."

Dead eyes watched him, lost in memory or reverie or delirium.

"Can you answer me, Gajeel?" Laxus tried again. Silence was the only response.

"What about… his other name?" Serrill asked, "Think he'd answer to that?"

"Probably not best to entertain his delusion," Davian hissed back, as if he of all people should know this, "You could push him father into it."

"Or get a response so you can talk him down," Serrill snapped, "Which one of us goes to therapy with him, again? Oh, that's right, me."

"My confidence in his ability to kill me would prefer we give him his time." Davian responded harshly, "You two have magic. I do not."

"Right, you can just turn invisible and make him forget what he's doing," Serrill bit back.

"Darling, he's quite figured out how my glamour works and knows how to break it," Davian replied icily, "That man can kill us both easily. Laxus and his lightning are the only things my faith is in… assuming he has the nerve strike the love of his life before he manages to kill him."

"For real, guys?" Laxus dared a glare in their direction, "Now's not a great t-"

The movement was so fast, he could have missed it if he hadn't been the intended target. Gajeel crossed the space in a heartbeat. The ring of sabres leaving their scabbards made Laxus's teeth hurt. He heard Serrill and Davian move simultaneously, but Davian made it between them first. Sparks flew as he caught cold steel that would have gutted Laxus. Gajeel's response was to knock him bodily backwards, a well-aimed strike only missing because of Davian's inhuman speed. But Laxus could see the abject fear in the chameleon's eyes, horrified of the violence Gajeel had brandished towards him, unwilling to be in proximity of prowess that far outmatched his own.

Serrill was at Laxus's side, one foot in front of his own as he stood at the ready. Red eyes swept to him, abandoning Davian's retreating form to fall on him instead. Serrill whipped his blade forward, but Gajeel caught it in the serrated section of his own, rushing forward and sending a flurry of sparks spraying towards them as his knife screeched down Serrill's blade. Serrill swore, grabbing Laxus and forcing him to back step along with him. To both their horror, Gajeel grabbed the hilt of his blade and leveraged it against his own. He snapped Serrill's sabre in half to the sound of a glass pane breaking. The next movement was so fluid it could have been a dance. He stepped and whipped his boot around, kicking Serrill so hard in the side he went sprawling to the ground with a yell, still staring at his broken sword in dismay.

Gajeel threw his head back, arching as his eyes rolled back. Davian had come up behind him, sank his sabre into him just enough to gain his attention. Gajeel dodged to the side, keeping all three of him in his sights. His eyes danced, alighting on each of them before settling on Laxus. Laxus's lips twisted, realizing he was seen as the largest threat out of all of them despite being unarmed. He let out a huff.

"Yeah... ok..." Laxus breathed, "He's coming for me again."

"I won't let him hurt you," Davian replied, though his voice shook slightly, "Surely, we can find a way to outlast him."

"No. I know what to do. Just stay back."

Laxus wasn't scared. It was actually the most confident he'd been the entire time. If panic was what triggered this, he knew exactly what he needed to do. When Gajeel went for him, he reacted instinctively, snapping forward so his hand made a vice around Gajeel's knife-wielding hand. With his other, he clasped the hilt of the blade still lodged deep in his chest. Laxus wasn't sure where it came from, but something inside of him resonated. He dropped his eyes to Davian and Serrill, a command on his lips before he knew exactly what it meant.

"Brace yourselves."

He rolled his shoulders. That was all it took. Twenty-four years of keeping his magic carefully sealed behind meticulous armor, and all it took was one week of bliss and now he didn't hesitate. His magical presence snapped into reality, falling on them all like the shadow of a cloud breaching the sun's horizon. Davian and Serrill both cried out and collapsed into the dirt. Gajeel's knees buckled and he staggered and fell into Laxus's grasp. Heat lightning strobed the sky. Electricity hummed around them, a pulse of life that sang to Laxus as much as it inspired terror in everyone else. He spread his hand across Gajeel's chest, and with his other he cupped the back of his head, entwining his fingers in his hair. That was right, he'd done this then, too. Green lightning crackled in blood red eyes, summoned to his call. And then, to his relief, recognition fought to the surface, making itself known by the downturn of his lips, the grief and shame coming to the surface.

"There you are," Laxus said, his voice rolling with summer thunder. He spoke with all of the sure flat promise of a dangerous man, "Drop your knife, Kurogane. You don't need it."

Gajeel dropped the knife, tears welling up in his eyes as he realized what he'd tried to do. His jaw was tight, and Laxus barely heard a noise like a whine lodged into his throat. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, suddenly reaching forward and fisting his hands into Laxus's shirt

"I'm sorry... I'm..." it sounded like a dying man begging for forgiveness at the end of his life, and Laxus didn't like that. He didn't like it at all. He leaned down, tipping his head to the side like he might kiss him, and ignored the tear that streaked free to chase down his face, "I'm sorry..."

"I pushed you too far, hm?" like sunlight guiding him back out of his misery, Laxus knew already what he wanted to hear. He gifted it to him without another thought and meaning every syllable wholeheartedly, "I forgive you."

One would have thought Laxus had just granted him salvation. He pulled him close and buried his face into his chest, breathing him in like the only air he needed was that which fell off Laxus's skin. Ahh, this wasn't natural, was it? The type of devotion Gajeel held for him? A quiet voice needled at him for more. He liked Gajeel like this, drinking him in like a god incarnate. The voice Laxus recognized and ascribed to something he should be thoroughly out of the clutches of, but might actually be the dragon in him speaking; the same voice that in Gajeel demanded to taste blood, to obsess. He ignored it.

Laxus released the commanding hold on the lightning in his love, carded his fingers through his hair, and began the arduous process of dragging back in his magic. The effusive scatter of atoms energized by his command calmed and became tame once more. The wind around them quieted. Lightning strobed one last time as the sky came back into its own, no longer summoned to the demanding call of Laxus's will. Brontide tumbled down the slopes around them, filling the valley with the aftershock of his might. He let Gajeel sink slowly to the ground.

He heard Davian pulling himself back to his feet, noted the way he kept his eyes directed down from him, like he was hiding. Serrill was still on the ground, shaking, tears streaming down his face. Laxus met his eyes, recognized what rested there immediately. Silver eyes were terror-stricken, hard and haunted, as though Laxus was something he dearly wished he'd never seen. It was the exact reason he didn't do this, the reason he kept himself so composed at all times.

"What the hell are you?" he breathed, even his voice trembling with fear.

Laxus blinked at him slowly. On any other day, his smile would have been benevolent, but Laxus knew that in Serrill's eyes, nothing he did could be anything except terrifying. When he pulled himself back together again, stood up and brushed himself off, he'd be back to his usual self. But for now, he was reduced to this. This was what happened when weaker mages were confronted with real power. When faced with how small they really were, they crumbled.

"I'm just a really strong wizard, Serrill, that's all." Laxus said. He held his hand aloft, presenting for him his still bleeding wound, "I'm just a man."

He brushed the top of Gajeel's head, muttered amorously that he was going to get the Vitalis Powder, and walked off to grab their things.

---

Author's Notes:

Laxus, getting punched down on all chapter: Oh my god, my boyfriend is so scary! He could kill me if he wanted! :o

Laxus at the end of the chapter: Here's a little reminder that I AM NOT A MAN, I AM A GOD

A thank you to my sibling Silverskye13 for reviewing my chapter. This was out of my comfort zone and I sincerely appreciated the feedback.