Start Date: May 22, 2024

Windwillow

One Piece: Navigator's Day Off

Life on the sea is rough. Life on the sea with the Straw Hats is rougher. Life on the sea with Luffy? Intolerable. Between his constant attempts to pillage food to his repeated attempts to misuse things and break them, the entire crew suffered under their captain's childish whims. While still on the East Blue sea with her four crew mates, Nami's patience was naturally running thin... and, finally, after shrieking out a curse and smacking Luffy she ended up convincing the crew to dock at a small Spring Island to have a day off.

She prepared for her trip with traditional Nami thoroughness. Nami made sure that she had on a cute outfit, kept a solid amount of money in her pocketbook, and quietly sneaked away from the Going Merry with the intent to have some fun. As she departed the ship and strolled into town, the navigator finally felt like she could breathe a sigh of relief. Being away from those nutcases and the constant headaches that they caused her would be a welcome change.

Nami, dressed in a short skirt with a plain white shirt and a pair of hiking boots, finally reached town and scanned the horizon. It was a small village, hardly worth talking about and far from the ravages of pirates or the tyranny of the Navy. The season was Summer and a traveling circus had settled into the village, the perfect chance for her to blow off some steam and relax for once.

As she stretched her limbs and cracked her neck, Nami watched the children playing ball and her expression changed from her usual stress to a welcome relief. "I've been at sea with them for God-knows-how-long and I finally get a chance to deal with normal people!" she beamed, watching as the village went about its business and the day-to-day workings of a typical East Blue village unfolded before her. It was when she sensed someone behind her that she quickly drew her weapon and struck, only to find that her captain had come ashore for some relaxation of his own.

"I can't get away from you people ever?!" Nami shrieked. "Why do I have to deal with you right now?!"

Nursing his bruise, Luffy quietly dusted off his pants and returned his signature Straw Hat to his head with one of his typically-blank expressions, something that Nami had seen before on multiple occasions... and had come ashore to get away from. "Man, Nami! Why didn't you invite the rest of us?" Luffy moaned as he scratched the back of his head in his usual oblivious manner.

"Because I wanted to get away from you lunatics!" screeched the Navigator, her patience already having taken a tumble into the red zone. She put a hand to her face, bit her lip, and growled out a curse, realizing that it was futile to struggle against her captain's ignorance. "If you start anything," she said darkly, "you're gonna live to regret it."

"Hee hee hee! Sounds cool," Luffy chuckled.

"Oh, God... This is going to be a disaster, isn't it...?" Nami droned.

Clothes Shopping

Although it wasn't a boutique or a big chain store, Nami was able to find a small clothing shop where she could try on something new. There were several options to choose from, anything from a new skirt from Doskoi to a killer bikini that the navigator took a liking to. Nami was able to sample a number of different options, tested out sleek, fashionable shirts and scanned the bathing suits for a bikini that she knew would give Sanji a nose bleed. There were so many skirts, so many pairs of boots that Nami could scarcely begin to even consider what to buy.

There was one front-runner, however, a killer two-piece that was made of the finest materials that she could afford. She'd had her eye on the bikini from the moment she'd started looking, and finally she decided - this would be her purchase. When Nami stepped up to the counter to buy the bikini she laid it down and rustled through her pocketbook for enough Berries to trade for it. "Fifteen thousand Berries is a bit of a splurge..." she muttered.

"Ah, but you'll look radiant in it, madam!" the salesman swooned. "A true thing of beauty, an angel-"

"I am not a thing!" Nami snarled as she reared back and delivered a punishing blow to the salesman's noggin. The shopkeeper stumbled, staggered, and finally slumped to his knees as a puddle of flesh and bone. As she tightened her fingers into a fist the navigator twitched her eye and bit her lip. "I'm sick and tired of Sanji saying that crap, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't screw with me!" she screeched.

The salesman groaned, weakly dragged himself up to the counter, and finally flopped face first onto the hard wood with a feeble grunt. "I... didn't mean... to insult you..." he heaved. "You're just so beautiful that I... um... Please, don't hit me again!" the salesman begged. As the shopkeeper dragged himself to his feet a darker expression crossed his face as he found his courage. "And now it's twenty thousand."

Her fingers flexing wildly Nami sighed and withdrew the extra money, preparing it to lay on the counter to buy her very-much-undeserved purchase. When Nami lifted her head, however, she saw Luffy situated on top of a nearby apple cart and her eye began to twitch again. The rubbery pirate had climbed atop the building above and, slowly and carefully, stretched his arm down to cautiously snatch up a free sample, and Nami immediately lost it.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" she shrieked. Her words prompted Luffy to stumble and fall face first off the apple cart, an unwelcome discovery for the shopkeeper. "Oh, for the love of..." Nami growled as she was forced to set aside the bikini and hurry towards her captain with a raised fist. When it was delivered the blow was swift, hard, and coated in anger so great that Luffy began to shake in fear. "I am trying to shop!" snarled Nami as she grabbed Luffy by the collar and dragged him to face her eye-to-eye.

"S-Sorry..." whimpered Luffy.

"Oh, I'll show you sorry!" Nami growled. When she saw the scene that she'd caused and realized that not only did she have to pay for the apple but she also had to give up on the bikini, the navigator's face turned red and she slammed her captain to the ground, stabbed a boot into his rubbery gut, and her eyes went white and blank as she let out a frustrated shriek. "You stupid-" she rasped weakly.

"S-Sorry..." Luffy repeated weakly.

Carnival Games

The clothing store was a bust and now they were banned from the market, but at least there was still a traveling carnival to explore. Nami carefully scanned the booths in search of something to do and found several options: Skee-ball, Whac-a-Mole, and a shooting gallery. Everything else had to do with food, and with Luffy along that would just be outright stupid to poke the bear and put him anywhere close to something edible. Luffy followed behind her dutifully, muttering foolish songs and picking his nose, something that the navigator found to be almost unbearable.

Skee-ball was a game where players rolled a ball up an inclined lane and over a ball hump to put the ball into a bulls-eye ring marked with various values. It was the only game there that Nami had never seen before, having experienced shooting galleries and Whac-a-mole several times during the Cocoyashi festivals before Arlong had come and destroyed her entire life. Figuring that this would be a good place to throw in, Nami paid three thousand Berries to earn nine balls to toss.

Nami eyed the lane carefully, noting that there were five bulls-eyes ranging in value from ten to fifty. As she picked up the first she carefully noted the movement of the wind relative to where she stood, and as she lined up her first shot the navigator aimed straight for the smallest target - the one worth fifty. Stretching her arm back, Nami slung the ball up and over the ball-hop, and as she'd expected it landed in the fifty-point zone.

"Ha! I did it!" laughed Nami. "How many points do I need to get a prize, anyway?"

"Fifty points earns you a token for the shooting gallery, a hundred is worth two tokens, two hundred is worth three tokens, three hundred earns a free batch of cotton candy and three hundred and fifty that earns you a stuffed animal," explained the vendor. "We have a stuffed lion right now."

She liked that idea quite a bit. Bellmere had sewn her a lion shirt out of a sunflower when she was younger, and Nami really wanted to earn that lion. The next two shots earned her sixty points, followed by two forties, and her next two earned her another eighty. That meant that she had over two hundred tokens and she still had two balls left to throw. Nami cautiously gauged the wind and tossed her eighth ball, but this time she flubbed and only got thirty.

That means I need to have at least forty to earn the lion... damn... I have to line up just right! As long as I can focus I can manage it! That lion is mine!

Everything came down to this one, final shot. It was either a stuffed lion or a batch of cotton candy, and she wasn't in the mood for cotton candy. Nami inhaled a deep breath, exhaled, and narrowed in her focus onto the fifty point hoop. Adjusting for the wind speed and the air currents, she had a ninety percent chance of nailing the shot. Slowly the navigator slid her foot back, palmed the ball, and quietly aimed at-

"I want cotton candy!" Luffy shouted, breaking Nami's concentration and causing her to land the ball in the thirty point hole - enough, indeed, for a free batch of cotton candy. "Hey, I did it! We get cotton candy now!" he cheered, a wide smile on his face. "Hey, mister! I'll take a bunch!" chuckled Luffy, shortly before he noticed the blood lust radiating from the navigator behind him. He slowly, cautiously turned back to face Nami and was rewarded with a violent punch to the face that blasted him into the fifty point hole.

"Give me the damned tokens!" shrieked Nami angrily. "No cotton candy for you!"

Shooting Gallery

Once Luffy's face had reconfigured itself Nami angrily stormed over to the shooting gallery, where there was a three-shot pistol that fired coins at small targets. If she nailed one shot she would earn a thousand Berries, two would get her five Thousand, and three Aces would win her ten thousand Berries. Add to that the fact that she had three tokens it meant that she could possibly win thirty thousand Berries, a goal that the navigator resolutely set herself towards accomplishing.

Nami had three shots per token. There were three Aces, five Kings, and seven Queens, each of which would earn a negligible amount of money that was more or less chump change. Each of the targets would rotate around a central bulls-eye and each Ace would speed up the chain more and more. With a skilled eye Nami aimed and fired three times, each time hitting an Ace and earning her a total of ten thousand Berries. The next time she only nailed two, for a total of fifteen thousand.

I need three Aces to get the next ten thousand Berries! At least I can go home with that much!

As the bulls-eye began to rotate the navigator carefully noted the movement of the wind and calculated where each shot would have to go. With each shot speeding up the chain it would take more and more skill to earn the full ten thousand, but it was a task that Nami felt she was up for. She quietly lifted the pistol, narrowed in, and fired once - an Ace! The chain began to rotate further, and as she adjusted she heard a loud noise from a nearby game booth that caused her to flub entirely.

Gah! At least I can get five thousand! Twenty thousand berries is better than sixteen or nothing... If I can only get just... the right... shot...

Watching the chain rotate Nami noted the exact position of the Ace, judged where the Kings and Queens were, and slowly locked onto the Ace's bulls-eye. The bulls-eye quickly continued to rotate around the central coil, speeding up as it moved, but she was certain that she had it in her sights. Slowly her trigger finger inched towards its target, everything slowly began to pace itself to an almost frozen point in time, and with one final shot-

"Hey, Nami! They're selling cotton candy over there for fifteen thousand Berries!" Luffy exclaimed, causing Nami to flub and miss the Ace again. He spied the amount that his navigator had won, counted up the points inside his pea brain, and finally calculated the amount. "It's just enough! Now we can get-"

"Shut! Up!" roared Nami. As the pistol dropped the navigator slid her leg back, braced against the sandy ground, and finally nailed Luffy in the balls with a violent kick that blasted him several feet up into the air. By the time he landed and gripped onto his aching marbles, Luffy could see that Nami was still standing over him with her leg raised ninety degrees in the air, and her heel was narrowed in just the right spot. "How many times do I have to tell you that I am not buying you food?!"

Whac-a-Mole

Having kicked Luffy to the curb with smaller nuts than he began with, Nami turned to the final game - Whac-a-Mole. There were five 'moles,' small protrusions that jutted from the inside of the machine. Hitting each mole was worth ten points, and with just enough time she could hit it fifteen times - enough to win a small stuffed lion, which wasn't what she wanted but she was willing to compromise.

Okay, fifteen shots... and if Luffy says anything, I'm going to rearrange his junk again!

Nami carefully counted to three and the game began. The first several hits were solid, but as the game went on the speed of the moles began to pick up and she managed to make it just to fourteen times. With a deep breath in Nami lifted the mallet high, closed her eyes tight, and swung down at the final mole. When she felt the hammer hit something she opened her eyes in excitement, prepared to win the lion, but was horrified when she saw Luffy's head pop out of the mole's hole instead.

"Sorry, no dice!" chided the gamemaster. "He isn't a mole."

"C'mon, Nami! You sure I can't even get a corn dog?" Luffy insisted. Using his rubbery body he popped out of the mole hole, patted Nami on the shoulder, and produced the five thousand Berries he'd won elsewhere. "Five thousand is enough for a corn dog!" he tittered. "Wanna share one?"

"You. Bloody. Fool!" Nami made use of the mallet in her hands, raised her arms up as far up as her lower back, and slammed the hammer straight onto Luffy's head. The rubbery pirate captain became compressed and, upon bouncing back, found himself caught by the collar by a very agitated navigator. As her anger began to peak, a small crowd gathered and the orange-haired young woman beat the living daylights out of her captain with such force that she accidentally busted the Whac-a-Mole machine in the process.

Fishing Trip

Having now been banned from the carnival, Nami furiously dragged her captain by the lip through the streets of the town, hoisted him up, and then slammed him down face-first onto the rocky pavement. He quickly began to bounce back as usual, but when Luffy lifted his head he found Nami, bloodshot eyes and wide open mouth, staring back at him with just as much blood lust as she'd demonstrated for the last hour and knew that the punishment wasn't over. Luffy whimpered as Nami reared back, folded both hands into a fist, and then pounded him so hard on the head that his eyeballs nearly popped out.

In the end her sixteen thousand Berries was enough to buy a fishing pole and some bait. As Nami stared out into the sea beyond with a thousand yard stare, Luffy happily cast a line and plopped the bait in the water. Nami weakly whimpered and dropped to her seat, put her face in her hands, and muttered a word that Bellemere would have slapped her for using. Her 'vacation' had been an utter disaster, all because of the man that she'd pledged her loyalty to. Now not only had she been ordered to leave town, she had no more money and even less dignity than she started with.

Okay. Fine. I surrender. I'm damned to life with these morons for the rest of my miserable existence. These twits spend money on food like it's water, the sink is constantly backed up, and I have a hyena hooting proclamations of love every time he lays eyes on me. God, my life is horrible.

Not too far inside the harbor the Going Merry was waiting for its captain and navigator to return to their life of piracy. Doubless Sanji and/or Zoro had broken something or ripped a sail while she was gone. Who even knows how many love letters the cook wrote her while she was gone. Usopp was totally useless. It was almost like the entire East Blue was taunting her, "It's such a bright world out there! And you're stuck here."

"But you know what...? I guess I wouldn't have it any other way..." Nami mumbled under her breath, finally accepting the life that she'd vowed to lead. Twisted and mucked up as they were, the crew was the closest thing to family she had except for Nojiko and Bellmere. Even with all the chaos, all the shouting and all the punishments she had to deal out, those four were sickeningly charming individuals to be around, and they'd saved her village to boot. So, for one day - one tiring day - she at least had a bit of time to reflect on her life.

When Luffy fell into the sea after being snared by a fish, however, all that immediately changed back into outrage and despair. Her captain, her sweet captain, was a Grade-A dunce and everyone else was annoying, intolerable, and for the most part completely stupid. They couldn't do a damned thing without her! They would just be drifting across the East Blue aimlessly, riding the waves without her!

Ha ha ha... At least my life is fun.

Author's Notes

Given how much One Piece has contributed to my various works on the site, I guess it's surprising that I'd never written a story for it. This is my first foray into the franchise, but because the story is so tight and well written I've accepted that I'm never going to be able to live up to Oda's brilliance. If I can hammer it out I'm working on my own One Piece universe, but I wouldn't expect it soon... if ever. I didn't want to make up my own characters at all, but like I said the series is so linear that I can't figure out any way to write other than writing a new story.

FFV, FFIX, and The Andromeda War will follow next month as usual. Nothing new there. I ought to finish The Andromeda War in four months - one chapter a month, so I can ensure that the chapters are as high quality as they're going to get. FFV is finished up to the Inter-dimensional Rift, FFIX just passed Oeilvert, and I'm toying with the idea of novelizing Metroid Dread. So, lots of stuff coming... I just don't know in what order and how long it'll take to manifest.

Thanks to everyone who's read this far. Clearly you're patient, lovely individuals who don't mind listening to a lunatic ramble. You guys are exactly the people I'm writing for, people patient enough to wait on long-term projects and constant BS. From the bottom of my heart, thanks to all of you.

Edit: I suck at math, so I had to rework a section or two. Sorry.