Hello everyone, this is ShadowMajin. Well, this is something different for me. It's been a long time since I've done a humor story, and I gotta say that it was like putting on some old clothes I haven't worn in awhile. Kinda refreshing, honestly.

Gravity Falls is a new one for me, though. I decided to binge it not too long ago, and that started giving me story ideas on it, and well, here we are. Hopefully I've done the show justice because I found it surprisingly good. Definitely would recommend to anyone that hasn't seen it.

And without further ado, I hope y'all enjoy the story!

Good old Piedmont. Where normal is the norm, uniformity is the rule, and being weird makes you stand out in a bad way. You either fit in, or you didn't, and if you didn't, well, let's just say you were put under a lot of pressure to get in line.

For instance, Saturday morning was the time for the dads of the neighborhood to go mown the lawn. In fact, if you look out right now, you'll see them doing it in sequence. As one reaches the corner of their lot, they make a sharp turn, which is copied two seconds later by each subsequent dad down the line like clockwork. If a dad didn't get up in time to join the group, their house was skipped until the next Saturday. According to Dad, that was a HOA mandate, whatever that was.

Piedmont was basically one giant suburb. Everything looked the same, from the houses, to the bushes and trees on each lawn, to the sidewalks, to, well, I think you get the point. Now, each house was allowed to have a different paint color on the outside, so long as it was the right shade of green, white, or blue. Apparently it was a big thing that no house could stand out.

To be honest, that was stifling for inquisitive minds like mine; or creative ones like Mabel. Yeah, just imagine my sister unable to be herself. If you can imagine her face turning red before exploding, you're not too far off of what it's like.

Which was why that summer we spent in Gravity Falls had been so incredible. We were actually able to be ourselves. Sure, there were people that judged us, but at the same time they just accepted it because, heck, there were stranger things there than two kids from a suburb in California coming for a visit.

And thanks to the Natural Law of Weirdness Magnetism, everything that made Gravity Falls strange and weird was kept there. At least, that's what we all thought.

And as Mabel and I learned that following spring, what happens in Gravity Falls doesn't always stay in Gravity Falls…

"It's here! It's here! It's here! It's here! It's here!"

The door to the room was kicked open. A footprint the exact size as a technically teenage girl's foot was evidence of this. In fact, for whatever reason, that was the only spot on the door with the footprint. Probabilitists had been consulted to figure out how just how one girl could kick the exact same spot over and over without deviation. West Coast Tech was still working on the math on that and apparently a couple of the professors there had quit due to the sheer impossibility of it.

Dipper stared at the open doorway from his bed. A large box bounced up and down as Mabel carried it over to her own bed. Yeah, they shared a room. No, it wasn't strange. They were twins and they had shared a bedroom ever since they had been born. Yeah, their home had three bedrooms like every other house here, but Mom and Dad used the third one as a home office. They had to make money somehow, whatever it was they did.

It wasn't a big deal really. When you shared a room since you were born, you got used to having that other person around. In fact, it was strange not to share a room. How single kids did it was crazy.

"Mabel, what is that?" Dipper couldn't help but ask as he stared at the box. His sister just dropped it right in the middle of the room with a loud BANG!

Well, it was heavy based off of the bang. Staring at it, he saw it was practically covered in mailing stamps, not that it needed it. For a moment, he thought it was some sort of wrapping paper, but he thought he recognized the American flag forever stamp as well. Faintly, he wondered if those stamps did last forever.

Unconsciously, he clicked the end of the pen he held. He felt there was a mystery that needed to be solved here.

"It's the care package I've been waiting for foooorever!" Mabel dramatically exclaimed. She then promptly dropped to her knees and began savagely tearing at the wrapping paper. Large pieces of it went flying all over their dichotomous room.

Did…did he use that word right? Dichotomous? He had a bad habit of using big words to sound smart, so he really needed to know.

Well, just so you knew what he meant, there were two halves to the room they shared. One was naturally Dipper's, and it had a rather mature look to it. There was his bed, there was his picture of a ship at sea on the wall. Everything was a calming blue color, from the bedsheets to the wall. Everything was neat and orderly. As for Mabel's side, it was blindingly pink, with posters and amateur pictures taped to the wall. It was a rainbow away from being a unicorn's paradise. Oddly enough, all of the usual unicorn decorations had been taken down when they got back.

And now it had chucks of mailing stamp wrapping paper falling all over the place.

One such piece landed next to Dipper, and he couldn't help but pick it up. Immediately, he realized it wasn't wrapping paper, it was too thick for that. Not to mention that the underside was sticky, as if someone had licked it…

Oh, these were mailing stamps. And someone had licked entire sheets of it and stuck it to Mabel's care package. Was it sad he already had a short list of Mabel's friends that he knew what do this?

There was a ripping sound as Mabel pried opened the top of the cardboard box. The brunette girl practically dove into the box headfirst, her legs the only part of her sticking out of it, kicking around frantically. Then, she somehow reversed herself, practically bouncing out of the box and onto her feet. There was something in her hands, which she proudly thrust above her head like a video game character receiving a brand-new power up.

"I've got granola!"

Dipper blinked his eyes. Yes, indeed, in his sister's hand was a big bag of granola. And…because of the light coming in from the window between their beds, it was as if a ray of light was shining right down on it, an imaginary choir singing its glory.

"Wow, that's great," Dipper deadpanned after a moment. "It took that big of a box to send one bag of granola."

"Ha, yeah, you would think—wrong!" Mabel lowered her granola-holding hand before she kicked the box, causing it to tilt over onto its side, where more bags of the granola spilled onto the floor. "I've got an entire year's worth!"

"Who would send you an entire year's worth of granola?"

Mabel ignored him for a moment, just long enough to tear open the bag she held and grabbed a handful of the granola, tossing it into her mouth, where she loudly munched on it. "Nom, nom, nom!" She then swallowed it, a large lump slowly moving its way down her throat until it vanished. "Oh, this is soooo good! Dipper, you've got to try it!"

"Not before you tell me where you got it."

"Paranoid much? Grenda sent it to me. She promised to send me some when we talked at Christmas and it's finally here!"

Grenda. Dipper's eyes went back to the large piece of stamps. Now it made sense. He could easily see Grenda licking sheet after sheet and plastering them onto the side of the box, at least before someone stopped her to tell her that she only needed the post office mailing label.

Well, since it was offered. Dipper set aside a large box that had been resting on his lap. It looked very much like Great Uncle Ford's journals, though this one had a pine tree symbol on it instead of the six-finger hand. It had been a gift from Mabel before they left Gravity Falls, something she had gotten during a short trip to some weird multiverse where lost versions of Mabel resided. He had wisely decided not to ask more questions about that because he had a feeling he wouldn't ever understand the answers.

There were simply some mysteries that were unsolvable.

Hopping off his bed, he went over to his rambunctious sibling. Mabel just held the bag out to him, and he grabbed a handful of it. Tossing it into his mouth, he began chewing and—"Oh wow, you're right. This is great!"

"What did I tell ya?!"

Their room was filled with munching sounds as the two of them devoured the bag. It wasn't too long after that Dipper was slouching on the floor, his back resting against his bed, his legs spread out in front of him. Mabel was on hands and knees, licking the inside of the bag. She would have kept this up if Waddles hadn't waddled his way up and shoved his face in to join her.

Yeah, he had forgotten about the new addition to their room. At the foot of Mabel's bed was a large wicker basket, a large cushion shoved into it. That was Waddles' bed. Mom and Dad hadn't been the happiest about learning of the girl's pet pig, but the bus driver had been adamant that the pig go with them. Something about not wanting to get beaten up or shot by two old guys.

So they had called up Grunkle Stan to demand to know about Waddles and why he didn't keep him. Stan had just told them, "You two try telling Mabel not to keep him. Good luck!"

Needless to say, Mom and Dad had eventually warmed up to keeping Waddles around.

"I think I'm done eating for the rest of the day," Dipper moaned contently after a few moments.

"Just wait until you have to go to the bathroom," Mabel responded as she pulled away from the granola bag, basically giving it up to her pig. "It's gonna be so hard to push anything out."

"...still worth it."

"Kids!"

The twins perked up, their heads turning to look out the open doorway. That had been Mom. It wasn't an angry shout, so they weren't in trouble. It was stern, meaning that it was either dinner time, or Mom wanted them downstairs. Considering the time of day, it was probably the latter.

"Come down here!" Mom continued. "It's time to go to the grocery store!"

"Grocery store!" Mabel shouted as she hopped onto her feet, practically skipping out of their room. Waddles just watched her go before he resumed devouring the rest of the granola bag. If there was one good thing about having a pet pig, it was having it destroying evidence. Of course, they'd be picking pieces of plastic out of his stool for the next couple of days, but what was done was done.

With a groan like Dad makes when he stands up from his chair, Dipper pushed himself up and slowly walked out of the room. He trudged to the top of the stairs and walked down them a step at a time. When he reached the bottom, he saw Mabel hopping from one foot to the other as Mom was putting her arm through her purse strap. Dad was shoving his wallet into his back pocket. So, this was going to be a family trip to the store.

"Can I? Can I? Can I?" Mabel was pleading, about what he didn't know.

"No, this isn't the trip for that. Maybe next time," Mom was telling her.

"Awww, but I'm getting low on stickers! You wouldn't want me to run out of stickers, would you, Mom?"

"I said no, Mabel."

"I heard 'we're getting more stickers, Mabel'."

"Fine, we'll get more stickers," Dad sighed, which caused Mom to give him a dirty look. Dad clearly hadn't been listening until the end. He sounded like a man that had just given into his sister's madness.

"YAY! Stickers!" Mabel cheered before she went skipping to the front door. Dipper just went to a coat rack, where a brown and white hat hung, a star logo on it. Picking it up, he shoved the hat over his head, just like he usually did.

Honestly, he preferred the pine tree one he had in Gravity Falls, but Wendy had that one. It was a worthwhile trade for her flap hat, one he had carefully stored away in a box under his head with all the other Wendy stuff he had. He had even written DO NOT OPEN so that he didn't tempt himself with that summertime crush. He was definitely over her. So totally over her. He didn't lie awake at night thinking about her anymore, especially after that first week being home.

You believe him, right? Right.

As for the brown star hat, well, apparently it was the logo for whatever company Dad worked for and they had given boxes full of hats to their employees. So there was a literal box of them in the house. He just had to grab one. Mom and Dad had shrugged their shoulders when he told them he had lost his previous one.

Considering that was only the second hat taken from the box, it was pretty clear no one else cared to wear them.

Grocery Store was a very apt name for a grocery store. You didn't exactly go in there for clothes, though that didn't stop some people.

There was aisle upon aisle upon aisle of food here. Fruits and vegetables took over one corner of the store. There was the meats in the other. Then everyone just sort of went up and down the aisles, checking each and every one of them in case there was something they could possibly want.

For kids, there was only ever one aisle that truly mattered.

The cereal aisle.

There was just something different about the cereal aisle. Aside from the heavenly glow and the choir sighing. Dipper had never been able to put his finger on what made the aisle so special.

Staring up at the hundred different cereals on the shelves, he was having trouble figuring out this mystery.

There was Cinnamon Bread Munch, Fortunate Amulets, Chocolate Pieces, Fruity Circles, Frosty Flakes, Jack Apples, Smack 'Ems, Golden Squares, Rice Crispers, and so much more.

Yep, another unsolvable mystery.

"Pondering life's mysteries, Bro?" Mabal asked as she came to stand next to him, her hand stuffed into an open box. Dipper had a hand rubbing his chin as he contemplated the pros and cons of Cinnamon Bread Munch and Smack 'Ems. Never mind he could hear his sister smacking her lips as she took a handful of cereal and shoved it into her mouth.

"One does not simply pick a breakfast cereal," Dipper replied. "They must be chosen and prove themselves worthy." Each box guaranteed the first rush of sugar for the day and picking the right one was paramount.

"Always choose the one with the red boxes. They usually have the better prizes."

"Good point, except none of those are advertising prizes."

"Booo. Then let's go with the Jack Apples. This box is already open."

"You do realize we had to buy that the moment you opened it, right?"

"Uh, duh? Why else did you think I did it?"

"Kids! Pick your cereal!" Mom's voice shouted down the aisle.

"Coming!" Mabel shouted back before shoving another handful of cereal into her mouth and then running off. That left Dipper in his indecision once again. You would think that being technically a teenager, this decision would no longer bother him, but you would be wrong. It was as if nothing had changed from being a preteen to a post preteen.

Boy was getting older overrated.

Sighing, Dipper decided to go with his tried-and-true method for this unsurmountable decision. He closed his eyes, held his hands out, and took a step to the shelf. The first box he grabbed, he took it and left. Hopefully, Fate would be kind to him.

Fate turned out to choose I Can't Believe They're Corn Flakes.

Fate could be a cruel mistress.

He found his family over by the checkout aisle. Mom and Dad had filled up the entire cart and were standing at attention as they waited their turn. Reaching the cart, Dipper tossed his cereal box in there.

And then promptly had something slap him on the face.

"Dipper! Dipper! Dipper! Check it out!" he heard Mabel cry out.

Reaching his hands up, Dipper realized he had a magazine covering his face. Based off of the pressure he felt at the center of it, his sister was shoving it there, effectively blinding him with it. Raising his hands up, he grabbed onto either side of the magazine and pulled it off.

"You do realize for me to look at it, it can't be suffocating me, right Mabel?" he deadpanned.

"Pretty certain Grunkle Ford could," his sister countered, which…yeah, she had a point. He needed to step up his genius game. "But look! Look who's on the cover!"

Sighing, he did as he was told and found he was holding a post preteen magazine. And it wasn't just any post preteen magazine, but one that usually displayed some pretty teenage girl on it. There were those big advertising headlines on it, like "7 Summer Styles to Die For," or "Sev'ral Times Coming to a Town Near You."

And in this case, he found himself staring at none other than a picture of Pacifica Northwest.

What the…?

Dipper had to blink his eyes rapidly to make certain he wasn't seeing things. He was really seeing this. He was seeing Pacifica of all people posing. She was practically the color purple, from her dress to her jacket to the eyeshadow she wore. She had one of those suggestive looks on her face, like some lucky guy could stand a chance with her even though that would never happen in a million years. But there was still a chance!

Then there were the headlines.

"Teen Idol of the Year: Pacifica Northwest," he read out loud. "Of the year? But it's only March!"

"Maybe they meant last year?" Mabel suggested.

Dipper pointed to the year on the cover. "That's this year."

"Then I guess they can't find anyone else to run against her."

"More like threw in the towel." Dipper kept reading. "Get to know the latest Micette, page 15. This teen idol may be coming to a town near you."

"Pacifica's a Micette?!" Mabel gasped, shoving her face up against Dipper's, their cheeks pressed against each other. She nearly snatched the magazine out of his hands, but the boy twin was determined not to let that happen—again. So he clutched it tightly. "How cool!"

"I guess she is," he replied. The Micette went hand-in-hand with the Miceketeers. They were a group of young, up-and-coming stars for this big company, the one that made all of those really good animated movies. They were currently getting to teen programming, so there were all of these shows with hot young teen actors that may or may not actually be older than twenty. "Don't know why she would be."

Mabel gasped as she pulled away from him. "How could she not? She gets to be with Justin and Brad and Steven and Chris and—"

"I don't need to know all of the It Guys, Mabel."

"The point is, she gets to hang out with all of those boys! And not just any boys! Justin and Brad and Steven and—"

Yeah, the brunette was going to be at that for awhile. It shouldn't be too surprising since Mabel jumped from one boy band to another depending on which way the wind was blowing. She was going to be listing out every Miceketeer she could think of, whether they were one or not.

So he returned his attention back to the magazine. Admittingly, Pacifica was a pretty girl. The problem was that she knew it and had no problem letting everyone know. Though, he had thought she was finding her real self after the events of the Crawlspace. Odd that she would fall right back into the superficial stuff again.

"Well, I hope she likes whatever it is she's doing," he said. Realizing he was still holding the magazine up, he lowered it down.

Only to find Pacifica Northwest standing in the exact same pose in front of him, that sultry look firmly aimed at him. "Hey, Dipper," she greeted warmly.

Dipper stared. Then he did the only rational thing he could think of.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Cue Opening Credits

"Oh hey, the Opening Theme Music followed us," Mabel observed. "Neat."

"Pa-Pacifica," Dipper couldn't help but gasp. "You're here. But why? Who? Where? What?"

There was an amused look on Pacifica's face as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Classy as always, Dipper."

"Hey, Pacifica!" Mabel loudly greeted before she pointed at herself with both hands. "Remember me? It's Mabel!"

The blonde girl rolled her eyes. "As if I could ever forget you, and I really tried."

"That's so sweet! But why are you in Piedmont?"

"Yeah, that's my question also," Dipper quickly agreed. Somehow his brain had a short circuit, but could you really blame him? There was someone from Gravity Falls here. Wasn't there some natural law that said people of Gravity Falls couldn't leave it? He was pretty certain he had read that in one of the journals.

"Didn't you read the magazine?" Pacifica snatched the one Dipper was holding and held it up to them. "Coming to a town near you. This town is near you."

"We're practically in it!" Mabel chimed in.

"That's an advertising gimmick and you know it," Dipper rebutted.

Pacifica rolled her eyes. "Doesn't make it any less true, obviously."

"She's got us there," Mabel acknowledged. "So what are you doing in Piedmont?"

"I'm on tour, duh."

Tour? Dipper couldn't help but look to the front of the store since the entire front wall just so happened to be one long window. You know, to entice people to come buy food and all. Sitting right outside of it was a large purple tour bus, the likeness of Pacifica spray painted on it along with THE PACIFICA TOUR.

Well, it seemed Pacifica's love of herself hadn't gone away. Nope, it was probably magnified by a factor of ten.

Mabel gasped. "Are you having a concert or something? Can we come? You gotta invite us, Pacifica!"

"Of course, you two are invited," the blonde girl replied. "But let's not get ahead of ourselves. I need to give something to Dipper."

Pacifica then reached into a purple purse that had been hanging from her shoulder. She pulled out a folded piece of paper that was really crinkled. It was as if someone had crumpled it into a ball, but then someone else attempted to uncrumple and folded it instead. She then held it out to the brown-haired boy.

Alright, he wasn't certain what was going on here, but he did take the folded piece of paper. He saw his name written on it in cursive, a little heart drawn where the dot for the I was. O…kay?

"You're supposed to unfold it, dummy," Pacifica told him.

"Uh, right." So he did just that, unfolding it until he saw a message on it. DO YOU—"like me" was crossed off to be replaced with—WANT TO BE PACIFICA'S BOYFRIEND That was followed by three boxes with YES, DEFINITELY, ABSOLUTELY!

"Dipper!" Mabel gasped. "She rigged it!"

"Mabel," Dipper replied in just as low of a tone as his sister, "that's your handwriting."

She stared at it. "That is my old love note! Where did she even find it?!"

"In the suggestion box in the Mystery Shack," Pacifica answered.

"And you thought it was so good, you wanted to use it? I'm…I'm touched."

"Not exactly a high bar there," Dipper muttered. However, it was then he realized that the three of them weren't alone. Sure, there were other shoppers, but they didn't account for all of the people with cameras and boom mics and spy gear standing far behind Pacifica, all of which were pointed right at them.

What…what was all of this? Who were they? The paparazzi?

Then for once, Pacifica actually looked genuine. She raised a hand up to push a fallen lock of her hair behind her ear, a nervous smile on her face as she. "So, what's your answer?"

Dipper stared.

And then someone else answered for him.

"Well, I'll be, is this Dipper's little girlfriend?" Dad asked from behind him.

The mob of paparazzi erupted into a frenzy. "He said yes! He said yes!" was about all anyone could actually make out from them.

Mabel gasped. "Oh. Em. Gee! I can't wait to tell Candy and Grenda!"

Dipper just felt like a lead weight was in his stomach.

What had just happened?