Chapter 30: Baring It All
The three of them left separately, and by the time Touga returned to the resort, Izayoi and Inukimi were nowhere to be seen. He put away the tent, relishing in having something to do to clear his head, but as soon as he was done, all the revelations of that morning came rushing back.
The fact that he apparently couldn't invest in feelings for others if they didn't reciprocate. How his feelings for Inukimi had reignited because of her confession. His hesitancy about getting a formal divorce.
He set that all aside. He couldn't think of the divorce right now.
But there was still more. Sesshoumaru foreseeing his death. Sesshoumaru still loving him enough to try to prevent it in his oddly roundabout way.
It felt wrong to know about that information and not…acknowledge it in some way.
So he called his son.
Sesshoumaru answered on the second ring.
"Father?"
"Hello, son."
When Touga didn't continue, Sesshoumaru asked, "Did you need something?"
Touga smiled and shook his head. "No. I just wanted to hear your voice."
He could almost hear the furrow crease between Sesshoumaru's brows on the other end of the line. "That's…rather maudlin of you."
Touga laughed. "It is, isn't it? But that's what happens when you love someone. And I do love you, son. You know that, right?"
"…Father, is something wrong?"
Touga's heart cracked a little. If he thinks that I would only call to tell him I love him if I'm in trouble, then what does that say about me as a father? Would Inuyasha act the same way?
Just then, the speaker popped on Sesshoumaru's end, and Touga winced, pulling the phone away from his ear.
"Towa, no. Papa is talking. To— No. No."
Towa babbled, and more mic pops followed. Clearly, Sesshoumaru was losing control of his phone to his daughter.
Touga chuckled. "Put me on video, son. Let me see my granddaughter."
"Ah, so that's the reason you called," Sesshoumaru answered.
"It's not. But it's an added bonus." Touga pulled away his phone and waited for Sesshoumaru to initiate the video call. When Touga accepted, Sesshoumaru's dour expression was blocked by a blurry little arm waving around.
"Towa, look—it's Pawppy," Sesshoumaru said, holding the phone out so that Towa's cherubic little head filled the frame.
"Hello, my princess," Touga cooed, waving at her.
Towa smiled, flashing her gums and releasing a string of drool. She tapped the phone with her hand.
"Any sign of teeth yet?" Touga asked, as if he hadn't just seen her a couple days ago. But Touga had learned with Inuyasha that human babies—even half-human ones—grew in the blink of an eye, and something new seemed to happen with them every day.
"Not in Towa," Sesshoumaru answered. "But Rin spotted one in Setsuna last night." Sesshoumaru started walking away, and Touga continued to talk with Towa to make her smile. Then the picture on the camera flashed everywhere—the floor, the ceiling, Sesshoumaru's shirt—as Sesshoumaru set Towa down and moved the phone to face Setsuna, who was busy chewing on a cat squeaker toy Touga was positive Inukimi had gotten Rin as part of her baby shower gifts.
"Setsuna," Sesshoumaru said, and she immediately stopped chewing, looking up at her father with the utmost devotion. "Smile. Show Pawppy your tooth."
Setsuna smiled at him, and Sesshoumaru carefully hooked a knuckle against her upper lip, drawing it away. "I'm not sure if you can see that," Sesshoumaru said.
With the shaking camera and wriggly baby, Touga couldn't, but he appreciated the attempt anyway. "I'll be sure to come over right away to take a look when we get home."
"What business did you have at the Sanctuary again?" Sesshoumaru asked.
As far as he knew, only Inukimi was required to be there to continued managing things in his absence during the end of the holiday season. He and Izayoi had been purposefully vague about why they were staying. There was no need to alert their sons to their marital issues now—not until it was all resolved. "I wanted to help your mother out a bit with the holiday itself. It's been a while since she's been in charge of a business, and I was…concerned. Don't tell her I said that though. She thinks Izayoi and I are just having a staycation for a few days."
"Hmm." Touga didn't know whether or not Sesshoumaru had bought the excuse, but he didn't pry. "Anything else?" he asked.
"No, that was all. But I'm so glad I got to see my princesses," Touga answered. "Goodbye, Towa, Setsuna."
"Say goodbye," Sesshoumaru told the girls, who decidedly didn't, and he had to wave their hands for them. Touga's heart flipped over. Even after six months, he still couldn't believe he was seeing Sesshoumaru act so dotingly over his children.
After he hung up, he decided to call Inuyasha, wanting to put his suspicions to the test.
"Hey Dad, what's up?" Inuyasha asked.
"Nothing. I just wanted to hear your voice, see how you were."
"Uh…fine, I guess. Are you okay?"
I guess I set myself up for that one. "I'm alright." But the words came out on too much of a sigh he hadn't meant to let slip.
"You don't sound like it."
Touga dithered. He didn't want to reveal his true issues to Inuyasha—the boy didn't need to be saddled with all that. But if there was one person Touga knew who had once loved a woman deeply and then mated another…it was his son.
"Son…how did you feel when you saw Kikyou again?"
"Where the hell did that come from?"
Of course Inuyasha bristled. He might have been more willing to talk about his feelings than Sesshoumaru was, but his first instinct was always to put up his shield.
"I just…. I've been thinking a lot lately, and I realized I never asked you how you felt about seeing her again or when she died."
Of all those who fought in the battle against Naraku, Kikyou had been the only one to lose her life—for good. She had saved Inuyasha from a bullet meant for him, and though she hadn't died on the scene, she did so days later in a human hospital while everyone else had been recovering and focused on Rin and the twins' conditions. Kaede had not even informed Kagome about Kikyou's death until it would have been too late to revive her. But neither Kikyou nor Kaede had wanted her to be revived anyway. She had lived a full life and died with honor by saving the half-demon she had once tried to kill.
"I mean…you don't need to worry about me, Dad. She was old news," Inuyasha muttered.
"Still. It…must have been a shock to see her again after all this time. Especially considering how you parted ways."
Inuyasha grunted. "Yeah, well…it was fifty years ago, and I got over it. Or…I thought I did. I don't know. When I saw her again…gah, I don't know how to say this," Inuyasha griped, and Touga could hear his son scratched his head. "She may have grown into an old bat, but she still looked like Kikyou, and seeing her drudged everything up again—the pain, the confusion, the…the love. I mean, no matter how many years pass, you never really forget your first love, do you?"
"No," Touga agreed. And that was his problem, wasn't it?
"I was able to tell myself for so long that I hated her because of what she'd done. And she didn't exactly help her case acting all snarky as she brought us in. But then during the fight, when Naraku revealed how he had tricked us…. I don't know, I guess I just felt relieved. It felt like it wasn't all her fault that she shot me."
Touga frowned. "I see. Though one might argue that Naraku's ruse actually benefitted you, showing you the crack in the foundation of your relationship…."
"Maybe, yeah. Or maybe we'd have worked it out on our own given more time. I dunno. But it doesn't matter now anyway, does it? Kikyou's gone, and I've got Kagome, and I have no doubts about her at all."
Touga smiled. No doubts. That's a good way to put it. "Speaking of my lovely daughter-in-law, how is Kagome fairing?"
"Ugh, do you know she sent me out at three in the damn morning last night because she was craving fresh street takoyaki—not anything frozen—and would burst into tears when I told her that the stands wouldn't open for a few more hours?" The way his voice morphed from awkward and unsure to his usual, cranky self made Touga smile so hard, he had to force himself not to laugh. "So I went to about five different convenience stores to see if I could find something good enough to fake, but by the time I made it home, she was already asleep again!" He sighed. "Whatever. I'm glad she got some rest, because the kid's been keeping her awake half the night, and no matter how much I try that energy-smothering trick of yours, she never seems to listen."
Touga chuckled. "It's the parents' curse, son, to be saddled with mini versions of themselves. That little girl of yours has two strong-willed parents."
"Don't remind me," Inuyasha grumbled.
Touga listened patiently as Inuyasha by turns ranted and expressed his worries about impending fatherhood. Already, it was such a different phone call from Sesshoumaru's. Though his eldest had made massive strides in opening up over the last year, it was mostly reserved for Rin and less so for his parents—but still better than it had been.
"I just…I'm not like you, Dad. I act first and think later. I'm worried that…that I won't be the kind of dad she needs me to be. The kind you were when I was growing up."
Was it possible for his heart to feel simultaneously so full to bursting and yet shriveled in shame? "You don't have to be me, Inuyasha. In fact…I recommend you don't be. Don't worry about who you are now. Once she's in your arms, your every thought will be of her. Nothing will cross your mind without thinking of the impact it will have on her. I promise. The hard part will come when she's older—when you can no longer haul her around and protect her in your arms anymore. When she's growing into her own person and constantly changing and you have to change to meet her needs. But you'll do fine, son."
You're not like me. You reach out to others even if they don't reach back.
"Thanks, Dad."
"I love you son."
"…Love you too," Inuyasha muttered in that embarrassed way he often got. But the fact was that he had said it.
So Touga had one answer: on one level his sons found it strange for him to call for no reason; on the other, Inuyasha reacted better to expressed sentiments than Sesshoumaru did. No doubt it had something to do with their personalities…but Touga felt that there was a more underlying issue about his parenting as well.
He was trying to get better about that. But his parenting style would certainly be affected by his relationship with his sons' mothers.
And he still had no answer on what he wanted from them.
Izayoi sat cloistered in the Nishikuni suite. Touga hadn't come up yet, but she wasn't even sure she wanted to see him right now.
After all, she'd thought they'd be presenting a united front against Inukimi—not that she'd be fighting on two fronts.
Am I really the only one with thoughts of divorce now? Were all his professions of love and loyalty over the centuries so worthless?
No, not worthless. He still loved her. She had to remember that.
He just loves Inukimi as well—perhaps more than he realized.
He wouldn't have been dilly-dallying otherwise. He was just being too much of a wuss to admit it out loud to them.
So what does this mean for us?
Unbidden, Inukimi's words—her own words—came back to haunt her: I believe the easiest compromise to this dilemma is the very one you suggested all those years ago: to share our mutual husband.
Kami-sama, I know I promised to do whatever was necessary to settle things between the three of us, but I thought that meant sitting down for these three-way therapy talks. Not…having a polygamous marriage.
But hadn't Bokusenou also reminded her of this very offer several months ago—tried to make her more open to it? Was Bokusenou biased against her and favoring Inukimi?
No, no. He was very fair today, giving us all a chance to speak our minds and not withholding any hard truths. He's just looking for the best way forward like the rest of us.
But what was the best way forward? Was this really the only solution?
Izayoi sighed, pressing her hands over her face and flopping back on her bed. The bed she was sleeping in alone still because Touga couldn't make up his damn mind. Her body tensed, vibrating with frustration until she pushed all that energy out and bolted up like a rocket.
She couldn't stay cooped up in this room anymore.
I need to unwind.
There were plenty of places she could have chosen to do just that at their sanctuary. Granted, the cold weather would keep her from any walks to clear her mind. In fact, though the brazier in the tent had kept the temperature reasonable, a chill still lingered in her limbs. And just then, she knew exactly how she wanted to relax.
Any demon sanctuary worth its salt had an onsite hot spring, and theirs was no different. They had a public one, which several of their remaining guests were currently patronizing, but as the proprietress of the resort, she would be expected to engage in conversation with her guests, and she didn't feel like carrying that sort of responsibility right now. She just wanted to be alone.
Luckily, Western Sanctuary also had private baths that could be reserved—not that she needed one. The perk of being the wife/mother/stepmother of the owners was that she always had access to the Nishikuni family hot spring. But when she arrived in the changing room-shower combo and started disrobing, she spotted another set of sumptuous robes hanging in the closet.
Inukimi's.
Izayoi paused and then started putting her clothes back on. Inukimi was the second-to-last person she wanted to see right now. She would come back later.
As soon as she opened the door back into the hall, Inukimi's voice drifted out from the spring side: "I did not take you for a coward, Izayoi."
That stung. "Just because I want to be alone right now does not make me a coward," Izayoi responded, even though it felt like a lie.
Several seconds passed before Inukimi answered. "You are not the only one who came here for some peace of mind. I do not intend to pick a fight."
Izayoi hesitated. She really didn't want to have any company in the bath. And yet, Inukimi is offering a rare branch of peace….
It was more than she would have gotten in the past, Izayoi was sure.
So she relented, undressing and washing herself down before wrapping a towel around herself and stepping outside.
The Nishikunis had endeavored to make their onsen as natural as possible while still retaining modern comforts. A couple steps led down into a recessed pool ringed by boulders. Mist rose off the water as it mixed with the wintry air, but its heat radiated throughout the area, making it rather comfortable to walk around half-naked.
Inukimi rested on the submerged bench in the water, lying against a boulder with her eyes closed and her hair tied up in a bun on her head. For once, her lips were a natural pink instead of the purple tint she favored. It was an unusual sight, to be sure. When was the last time Izayoi had seen her so…relaxed?
The demon cracked open a golden eye. "I won't look if you're that bashful."
Izayoi flushed, in advertently clutching the towel tighter. "I…. That's not…. Oh, never mind." While Izayoi had been privileged most of her life to enjoy a private bath, she, like most Japanese, was not shy about public bathing. But the reminder that she was in here with Inukimi—a demon with a perfect body, as far as Izayoi was concerned—suddenly made her more self-conscious than she had expected.
Izayoi unwrapped her towel, set it aside, and stepped into the pool. She was lucky, really. Touga had mated her when she was still young, her body lithe with youth. However, while the mating bond prevented her from aging, it did not prevent her from getting fat and flabby if she let herself go. Motherhood too had changed her, and while she wouldn't describe her body as dumpy by any means…she knew she had packed on several kilos over the years, and she was pretty sure she had more fat than Inukimi had, given what Izayoi had seen of the demon's body that day of the pool party.
She shouldn't have worried though, because Inukimi had closed her eyes again. Izayoi sat as far from her as possible and then reclined against the rocks. She tried to relax, and yet she felt ultra-conscious of Inukimi sitting right across from her. She couldn't fully relax.
Inukimi sighed in exasperation. "I can hear you thinking from over here."
"Even I know you can't hear people's thoughts," Izayoi answered, keeping her eyes shut. Maybe if I don't look at her, she'll stop talking.
"Your pulse is out of control. You keep shifting. You're breathing too quickly. And given the events of this morning, I can only surmise that it's weighing on your mind."
Izayoi couldn't help it. Her eyes flashed open. "And it's not on yours?" she snapped.
"I never said that," Inukimi replied. "I imagine you are upset because he did not come outright and choose you this morning. But you should understand that I am not any happier about what happened. His hesitation spoke volumes."
Izayoi nodded. "He claims he doesn't know what he wants, and yet…that's not the Touga I know. He is always sure of what he wants—and he goes after it. Which means—"
"He knows, but he can't bring himself to admit it," Inukimi finished for her.
Izayoi's heart clenched, but she nodded. So we're thinking the same thing. She sighed, sinking a little further into the water with her depression and staring at the dancing mist on its surface. "I love him, so I want him to be happy. But—"
"It's difficult to watch him love another, isn't it?" Inukimi asked. Izayoi's eyes widened and she looked up into Inukimi's stern gaze. "You know, when he first brought you before me, I contemplated throwing you off my palace walls. I was…rather piqued."
"I'm rather surprised you didn't," Izayoi answered.
Inukimi cut her a look. "Yes, I suppose you would think that. But do you know why I didn't?"
In a matter of seconds, Izayoi reconnected the thread of conversation she thought Inukimi had snipped. Shame bubbled up in her heart, and she dropped her gaze. "Because you love him…and you wanted—"
"Him to be happy," they said at the same time.
"It was a similar reason to why I didn't stop him from going to war again after Sesshoumaru was born, much as I might have wished otherwise. He lived for it, and I found I could not deny him his pleasures. You were the same. …Granted, I believed you would die after a few decades and then he would come back to me, but obviously, I was mistaken there."
"Is that also why you took care of Inuyasha the day he was born?"
Inukimi stiffened and looked away. "…What are you talking about?"
Izayoi moved over—which happened to be closer to her—until she was looking directly in Inukimi's eyes again. "You don't have to hide it anymore, Inukimi. Touga and I both know what you did for us that day. We've known for…a long time."
Inukimi swallowed. "…How long, exactly?"
"Does it matter?"
"Perhaps."
Izayoi shrugged, breaking eye contact and leaning back against the stones next to her. "Centuries. Inuyasha was just a child when Miyoga told us."
"That damn parasite…."
"Are you ashamed of helping us?"
Inukimi relaxed against, leaning against the rocks. "What is there to be ashamed of? What's done is long since done. Consider the reaction a remnant of feelings that have long since faded."
Izayoi rolled her head over to look at her. "We never got to thank you for that day."
"I did not do much. Riku would have done what I did eventually," Inukimi muttered, closing her eyes.
"Maybe. But you comforted Inuyasha that much more quickly. And…you were there for Touga. Just…just in case."
Inukimi's eyes opened again, and she stared out into the distance—as if she were looking into the future. Or the past. "I sometimes wonder if I was but another pawn in Sesshoumaru's gambit. He alerted Kirinmaru, yes, but then he came straight to me afterwards. Although…I'm not certain he knew about the Meidou Stone at the time. Perhaps he did. But if so, I'm surprised he even thought I might use it on Touga. He, like his father, tends to underestimate my emotions."
"Regardless, I owe you my thanks…and an apology." Inukimi's attention snapped towards her. Tears burned in Izayoi's eyes, and she ducked her head, swallowing hard. "I'm so sorry," she gasped through a thick throat. "I'm sorry I destroyed your marriage. I'm sorry for the hurt our relationship caused you and Sesshoumaru. The only thing I can't be sorry for…is that I fell in love with Touga."
Izayoi wiped her eyes and found Inukimi in the same position she had been before the tears overcame her—though her brows appeared a tad more furrowed. Izayoi rushed to explain. "I tried to resist my feelings, you know. We both did. I was even on my way to my human betrothed's, despite how much I wanted to be with Touga. But when he…when he came to steal me away, I was too weak to let him go after that. All my life, I'd been told that love was a luxury for people of my class. Can you blame me for not giving up the miracle of finding another person who returned my feelings?"
Inukimi was silent for several moments. Finally, she said, "I have lived long enough to see…to know that finding one who reciprocates your feelings is a miracle. And in that regard…I suppose I am no better than you, for I too have not let go of that one." Her eyes flicked up to Izayoi's. "And before you ask, no—there is and has never been another."
"Not even…Kirinmaru?" Izayoi wasn't blind—she had seen how the demon courted Inukimi over the decades. She had always wondered if Inukimi ever…dabbled, but she had never asked.
Inukimi's jaw tensed. "If there was ever a spark between us, it was just that: a single spark lost in a moment. And in light of his recent vacillation at Naraku's sanctuary, I am disinclined to attend to his affections any longer. His indecision cost my son and his mate an indescribable amount of pain. It is obvious I cannot trust him to care for my family in the same capacity that he does for me."
"That makes sense," Izayoi murmured. "So what does happiness look like for you, Inukimi? I know earlier you said that you had…resigned yourself to an idea of a co-marriage. But is that what you really want?"
"There are many things I want," Inukimi replied. "I have had centuries to mull it over. Not all of them are attainable. However, I can tell you what happiness does not look like. It is not being left behind, sidelined, or abandoned over and over and over again. It is not a life of solitude."
Izayoi's heart panged for Inukimi as she made a startling realization: the demoness was lonely.
I never would have guessed, because she never shows it. She always keeps to herself. But of course she would rather put up a front than show off what she perceives as a pitiable weakness, and if that's the case…I can't imagine how tiring that is, on top of everything else.
Is that one of the reasons why she accepted Touga's proposal to live together all those years ago? Granted, I'm sure she thought she had a chance of getting back together with him too, but….
From what Izayoi had heard, Inukimi had lived alone in that enormous palace for centuries. After Touga, left, Sesshoumaru didn't stick around and only visited rarely.
Izayoi tried to crack a smile, but it felt more like she was breaking her face. "Well, you're certainly not living in solitude anymore, are you? Now that Rin, Towa, and Setsuna have joined the picture."
"Yes…and no," Inukimi replied. "They fill the house with their presence—and noise—certainly, but you can still be among others and feel…bereft."
"I'm…not sure I understand," Izayoi answered.
Inukimi sighed. "No, I imagine you can't."
When she didn't elaborate, Izayoi scooted closer. "Then can you explain so I understand? I…don't want to hurt you, Inukimi. At least, not intentionally, and not more than I already have."
Inukimi shifted and turned away from her. Izayoi was afraid she was going to just get up and leave, but then she spotted the pink tint to the demoness' pale ear. She blinked in shock.
So even Inukimi gets embarrassed? But why? What does she want to say?
Inukimi took a deep breath and then said, "At the end of the day, you always have someone you can go to, don't you? Someone who will sit with you, talk with you…and love you, if you wish it. I…never had that. I admit, there was a time I didn't think I needed it—or wanted it. But now…well, perhaps I am getting soft in my old age."
She turned back so that her profile was facing Izayoi, though she still refused to meet her eyes. "It was easier to bear when it was just you and Touga flaunting your relationship. But now it is my son and Rin, your boy and Kagome. And it feels as if I have been excluded from some exclusive club that I used to have access to and now can't make my way back into. And yet to go off and live on my own so that I need not be faced with such constant reminders would mean giving up the opportunity to spend time with my son and his children. So I stay and I bear it."
She really does have a mother's heart. Izayoi's own heart twisted with guilt. She really had lived a privileged life, hadn't she? The only time she had suffered such loneliness was when Touga and the boys went off to war eighty years prior. She and Inukimi had held up the home front, but of course they hadn't kept each other company. But that war had ended in a matter of years.
Inukimi had been suffering quietly for centuries.
Even if she won't—can't—take a lover, Inukimi needs a friend.
Izayoi cautiously reached out a hand. She knew the woman was well aware of every move she made—even that within her own body that she couldn't control. So when her hand made it to Inukimi's shoulder without being batted away, Izayoi was both surprised and touched.
"Moving out on your own is perhaps a little drastic."
Inukimi slid an appraising glance at her. "It would make your life easier."
"Well, yes, I don't deny that. But Sesshoumaru and Rin would miss having you around—"
Inukimi snorted.
"I'm serious," Izayoi replied. "I know things were rocky between you and Rin in the beginning. But your relationship has come a long way, and I know she appreciates having an extra set of hands there for the twins."
"Ah, so I am a cheap nanny."
Izayoi tsked and pulled her hand away. "Would you stop?" But Inukimi just smirked at her, and Izayoi realized she was joking.
I really am seeing a whole new side of her today.
Izayoi sighed and leaned back against the rocks. It took her a moment to admit it, and her heart twisted as she said it, but finally the words came out. "Touga would miss you too. He's never forgotten about you," Izayoi realized, staring at the crescent moon mark on Inukimi's forehead. It triggered a memory long dormant.
Izayoi had woken up one night, a sense of unease strangling her heart. No, not her heart. Touga's. She turned over on the futon to find his side of it empty. She got up and went searching for him throughout the manor.
When she ventured outside, she saw a faint silhouette on the roof blocking out a swath of stars.
"Dearest, is something the matter?" she asked.
Touga looked down at her, but in the faint light of the crescent moon, she could not read his face. "Nothing, my love. I only came out for some fresh air and to look at the stars."
Izayoi looked up, but clouds covered most of the sky. "I don't believe you'll do much stargazing tonight."
"No. But the clouds hold secrets of their own."
Izayoi hadn't understood then. But he would end up on the roof frequently, and she took it to be a quirk of his personality. Even Inuyasha liked resting in high places, after all.
But now she recalled how, when he had taken her to meet Inukimi, the clouds had seemed to part like a curtain before revealing the hidden palace.
Secrets indeed. He was looking for her in the clouds, wasn't he?
And it was why one of his first concerns when they started planning to go underground had been contacting Inukimi.
She sighed. "So maybe you're right. Maybe the only way to move forward from here…is together."
Inukimi threw her a sharp look. "Does this mean you're giving up on your goal of seeing us divorced?"
Izayoi gripped her knees beneath the water. On the one hand, it felt like she was giving up too easily. But on the other….
"The truth of the matter is, divorce is between you and Touga," Izayoi sighed. "I pushed for it because I believed he and I were on the same page. After all, he told me for centuries that he was divorced. But if he doesn't want it…then I can't make him go through with it." She put a hand to her heart. "I feel what he feels. Right now, he feels wretched. If he's going to feel this way for as long as we are at odds, then I don't want that. Even if it means I have to…compromise," she said, giving Inukimi a meaningful look.
Inukimi nodded. "So it's settled."
"Well, we still have to see what Touga says about all this."
Inukimi huffed. "Oh, he'll agree. No doubt that dog will start pushing for a ménage à trois as soon as the dust settles." Inukimi tsked. "But he'll be pushing his luck. This is all going in his favor anyway, so we should find a suitable way to punish him for leading us both on."
Izayoi frowned, not because she disagreed (she was actually in total agreement about Inukimi's latter proposal), but because she was confused about the former part. "A menaji…what?"
Inukimi slid a wry gaze in her direction. "A ménage à trois. In other words, a threesome."
Izayoi jumped. "A what?"
Inukimi chuckled and stood up, the water sluicing off her bare body as she climbed out of the onsen. Izayoi couldn't help but stare.
The demoness really was as perfect as she'd feared, with the type of pale skin that only the ancient artists could paint on a woman.
"I have no interest in having coitus with you, Izayoi. But I'm also not naïve enough to think we won't be seeing more of each other like this, in flagrante delicto, in the future." Izayoi didn't need to know what that phrase meant to get the meaning. Without another word, she grabbed her towel and left the bath.
Ugh, and here I thought we were having a moment. But she's still the same old Inukimi, isn't she?
No, that wasn't right. Inukimi had changed. She wasn't being malicious. This was just her being…playful? She really was seeing a new side of the woman.
Perhaps this is the part of her that only Touga knows. That part he fell in love with. …I suppose it will take some getting used to.
The idea of a playful Inukimi conjured up an image of herself, Touga, and the demoness entwined on a bed, and Izayoi sank up to her nose in the water.
Sex with Touga and Inukimi? Maybe she had been too quick to jump on board this co-marriage idea after all.
The next few days proved to be busy. Since the staff had been working overtime for the holiday season—and many working on the holidays themselves—Touga gave them holidays in rotating shifts, meaning he, Inukimi, and Izayoi had to cover some of the gaps. Luckily, there weren't many guests, but there was still enough to do to keep his mind occupied, and it was an excuse to continue to avoid his wives for the time being—not out of malice but out of shame.
He still hadn't been able to make a decision.
Or rather, he knew what his heart wanted, but that meant choosing a side, and he had no desire to hurt one woman over the other, for he had already hurt them both more than enough.
So when the day finally came that they could gather around Bokusenou's roots once again, Touga's pulse thrummed. Even awaiting the start of battles as a young pup hadn't inspired nearly as much anxiety as the prospect of this next therapy session.
But as the three of them sat down at the table once more, Izayoi poured some tea with movements far looser than they had been a couple days ago. Inukimi also stared off into a corner of the tent as if this were just another meeting.
Was he the only one feeling stressed about this situation?
Once Izayoi served the tea, Bokusenou's face reappeared. "We meet again," he said. "I hope you three have had a chance to do some reflecting over the past few days. Touga, let's begin with you. What impacted you the most from the last session?"
Touga hung his head. "I've been…struggling to grasp this horrid realization about my character. What it meant not just for you," he said, looking up at Inukimi, "but for my relationship with my sons." He sighed. "I may never be as close to Sesshoumaru as I am to Inuyasha simply because…the past has left an indelible mark on that relationship. However, I hope that with time…and with the twins now acting as a sort of shared interest, I might be able to make up for pulling away from him when he was younger."
"That's very good," Bokusenou said. "And have you given any thought as to what you want to come out of these meetings?" The old tree pinned him with a stare, as if to remind Touga about his homework assignment.
Touga hesitated, looking back and forth between his wives. Inukimi still wasn't looking at him, but Izayoi turned and met his gaze.
Her soft expression was filled with nothing but love—and perhaps a hint of resignation. Her lips turned up in the tiniest of reassuring smiles. "It's alright, Touga. You can tell us."
His insecurity was already twisting up his insides; he wondered what it was doing to Izayoi. No wonder she had said something.
"What I want…." He sighed. "If nothing more comes out of this than the three of us clearing the air, then that will be enough for me. Inukimi." She looked up when he said her name. "I'm…sorry if I've been giving you conflicting messages lately. The truth is, I've been confused myself, but I think I finally understand why."
It was his talk with Inuyasha that he had made him understand.
"I realized that one of the reasons I…pulled away from you was because I no longer trusted you implicitly." When he brows furrowed, he hastened to add, "Of course, I trusted you as my queen and as a fighter. Your prowess in both fields was—is—without question. But when you sent off Sesshoumaru to his Rite without telling me any of the details…I started to lose my trust as a husband and a parent. And when you would not mate me, I lost any trust that you might hold me in any regard other than your consort, the Lord of the West.
"But in the meantime…that trust has grown back. In fact, I have seen evidence of your love—for me and Sesshoumaru—throughout the centuries. But I was insecure, and because you never said how you felt, I could always delude myself into thinking that you acted in your own interests—or someone else's—rather than mine.
"Of course, you shook my faith a bit this past spring regarding Sesshoumaru's mating. But in that time since…and especially in the battle with Naraku, I can see how committed you are to all of us as a family…and to me as your husband.
"So I won't lie to you. When you told me that you loved me—that you had loved me all this time—it was like you turned the key to the lock I had put on all those old feelings. And now, I…I find myself longing for those days when we could be open with one another. I miss you. I still love you. I never stopped. I just…buried as many of those feelings as I could to keep the hurt at bay. But speaking of hurt…."
He turned then to Izayoi and reached for her hand, squeezing it. "I don't have to feel your emotions to know how much this must be paining you, Izayoi. And for that I am truly sorry. But I want you to know that everything I told you over the years—it was all true. You've had my heart—still have it. It's just that—"
"Inukimi has reclaimed her part of it too," Izayoi murmured. She squeezed his hand in return, though it felt more like she did so for support than reassurance, given how she was staring down at the table and not at him. "You always told me a part of you still loved her, and I never begrudged you for your prior relationship. But at the same time, you seemed to have made such a clean break that I…I felt like the only one all this time, so I felt…entitled."
"Well, there was a time I felt like that too," Inukimi added.
Touga pulled his hand away from Izayoi's and clutched his head, running his hand through his hair and burying his head between his arms. "I knew I was never the perfect husband, but I never realized just how horrible I really was. But you must believe me, I never wanted to hurt either of you because I do love you both in…different ways. I'm just sorry that my heart is so…inconstant."
The three of them sat in silence for several heartbeats. Then Inukimi spoke.
"I'm not sure 'inconstant' is the right word. I thought that way once, of course. And yet, you've shown a particular constancy within your disloyalty." She turned to stare down her female counterpart. "Izayoi, you are not the same person you were when we first met."
Izayoi frowned, obviously as confused by the abrupt segue as Touga was. "No, I'm not. But in what way are you referring to?"
"Your thoughts and views have changed. You have found new hobbies and passions to enjoy." Izayoi nodded. "So I suppose it only makes sense that in lives as long as ours that feelings can change—evolve—over time, just as we do." The demoness then looked up at Touga. "However, I grew into myself—my likes and dislikes, my personality—at a very early age."
Touga nodded. "You were as commanding a child as you were the lady of an empire."
"I say this only to illustrate that that is why I have had…difficulty accepting the idea that people—demons—can change over the years. I was always so sure of what I wanted. It was inconceivable to me that others did not know themselves. But now, I think I am starting to understand."
Izayoi nodded. "You are certainly not the same Inukimi I knew this time last year. I hope you won't be offended if I say that your…evolution has been rather remarkable. As you often remind me, change comes slowly to those who live so long. That it took you only a few months, well…I am impressed."
Inukimi tilted her head in acknowledgement. She looked over at Touga. "You…evolved faster than I did, so I was not able to be the wife you needed me to be back then. You were looking for your happiness…and you could not find it in me. I…regret that. And I understand that journey now. Before, I would have demanded a proper duel as retribution, just so I could tear into you for all the pain you've caused." Touga winced, and Inukimi smirked. "In fact, I still might."
And I would deserve it, he thought. Though the prospect of a duel with Inukimi was always enticing.
Then her expression sobered. "However, I have found such physical satisfaction…fleeting in the past. So…well, as you seem to need me to spell things out for you, know that I…I…." For the first time, Inukimi looked flustered as she drew out her words. She swallowed, clenched her fists, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. Then, in a small voice, she said, "I forgive you."
Touga's mouth dropped open. Inukimi looked away, a tinge of pink on her cheeks and the tips of her ears as if she had done something shameful.
And for a demon of her haughty, ancient lineage, she truly had.
And yet he had never been prouder of her. For had she ever uttered those words in her entire life?
Touga thought not. And even though he owned his fair share of guilt for making her say them, he was honored that she had opened her heart up enough to him to do so.
He took Inukimi's hand and squeezed it. "I'm not sure I deserve your forgiveness, Inukimi, but I thank you for it. And for what it's worth, I have always hated myself for betraying your trust. I'm sorry for hurting you all these years."
A tender warmth settled in his heart just then as something in the air seemed to shift—like the door to a house long left open and exposed to the bitter elements had finally been closed.
"Well done, Your Ladyship, Touga. This is excellent progress," Bokusenou said, and if the magnolia had a mouth, Touga was sure it would be smiling. Then Bokusenou glanced over to Izayoi. "How are you feeling, Izayoi-dono?"
Touga pulled away from Inukimi, glancing guiltily at his mate. However, instead of seeing the expected look of reproach on her face, he saw one of…was it resignation, or was it too much to hope that it was acceptance?
"Touga, you know I love you with all my heart, and my happiness lies with you. Of course, I want you too to be happy. And what you felt just now," she said, putting a hand to her heart. She smiled softly. "It's as if a weight's been lifted from your soul. And if this lingering guilt you feel is towards me, well…I'm glad to know you're at least aware of what you're doing. But I also want you to rest at ease. When I argued for your divorce, I of course knew it would be for my benefit. But I genuinely thought a formal divorce would give you that—a way to close a chapter that has been eating away at you with its unresolved ending. And you gave me no reason to believe otherwise at first, because we had already lived as if you were divorced. And you were happy. At least, I thought you were—"
"Izayoi, of course I've been happy with you and Inuyasha all these years. Never doubt it. But…I can't deny that, even though it was a dire reason that brought us all together, I've never felt more right than in these last one hundred and fifty years when I've had my entire family together. I just wish…."
Touga shut off that thought. They were all making great strides in this conversation, and he couldn't ruin it with his selfishness.
"What do you wish, Touga?" Izayoi asked, placing a hand on his.
Touga's hand curled into a fist beneath her touch. "I just wish…there was a way for the three of us to live peacefully together. No lingering anger. No more regrets." He huffed a wry bark of laughter. "You would think after skirting death as much as I have, I would have realized this sooner."
Izayoi and Inukimi exchanged a look. Izayoi pulled her hand away and straightened, clearing her throat. "I also did some thinking these last few days. Inukimi mentioned last time that she had come to terms with the idea of a…polygamous marriage."
Touga's heartrate kicked up in expectation. She can't be. Is she possibly suggesting…?
"It is likely the easiest solution to your wish, Touga, and I feel you won't be satisfied until you know for sure how that would look. However, this is not just about you. It's about the three of us. We all deserve a chance to be happy. So if it's what you want…I can agree to a trial run to see how this would work. And if in the end, none of us are happy, then we can reevaluate and move on from there."
Touga's eyes widened in shock. She had been so adamant about the divorce for so long that he couldn't believe a few nights was all it took to change her mind. "You would be willing to do that?"
"Well, as Inukimi loves to remind me, it was my idea in the first place," she grumbled, although her smirk and tone lent a lighter, more playful air to the words.
Touga turned to Inukimi then. "And you?"
Inukimi's gaze gave nothing away. "A trial period is acceptable. Even so, I imagine it should not be terribly difficult to set some parameters in place. We've already established a dynamic for this family over the last 150 years. Even in the past, there were rigid structures for how households with multiple wives were run. With a few adjustments—perhaps uncomfortable at first, but isn't that the way of change?—we will figure something out."
"If we're talking about ancient structures, know this here and now that I refuse to play the role of a concubine," Izayoi stressed, her voice steely with resolve as she stared down Inukimi. "I've earned far more than such a lesser title bequeaths."
"Indeed," Inukimi answered, and Izayoi relaxed. "The truth of the matter is, I was his primary wife for seven hundred years, and you have been the primary wife for seven hundred years." She paused. "A more superstitious person might call this nexus of events 'fate.' But I digress. The point is that, at this stage, we have more or less equal standing in terms of who is his 'wife.' But to move forward, the way we live will have to change. For instance, Touga, you really ought to have your own room should there be nights that you do not wish—or will not be permitted—to spend with either of us. Ideally, you would have your own separate home, but—"
"Are you dividing us into separate palaces?" Izayoi asked, and even Touga was surprised at how easily Inukimi slipped back into an older age.
"Why not? We have essentially done so already; I have a home with my child, and you have a home with yours, Izayoi. But Touga will need to remove himself from your premises—at least for this 'trail period'—to ensure an air of fairness."
Touga's shoulders slumped. "I understand your point, Inukimi, but I honestly can't remember the last time I lived by. That all sounds rather lonely."
"It is," Inukimi answered. "And perhaps that is what you deserve."
Oof, I walked right into that one. He cleared his throat, hoping to gloss over that particular sentiment. Only now was he realizing that having two wives meant twice the nagging and blaming.
All in the name of peace…all in the name of peace….
Who was he kidding? Getting to have sex again alone would be worth it. And if they really did go through with this threesome relationship….
Oh, the possibilities…. Izayoi's softness and Inukimi's spice? He'd have the best of both worlds. Could I possibly get them in bed together…?
"Yes, well, perhaps you can thinking up another fitting punishment—" He made sure to send Inukimi a suggestive look, because that type of spice would be lost on Izayoi. The woman only raised a skeptical eyebrow. "—because, I think you've failed to take into account our sons. They're both more-or-less mature adults with growing families." Suddenly, his tactician's mind was spinning, ideas flying out before he could fully grab hold of them. "In fact, perhaps it is time that all three of us moved out so that they can fully take over those spaces…."
Before he could move ahead with his plotting, Bokusenou interrupted. "As pleased as I am to see that you all have come to an agreement—for a time—I believe it would be prudent to set a fixed end date for this, ah, 'trial period,' did you call it? Not sure I like the sound of that, honestly. Seems to be setting you up for disappointment if you go into this matter looking at it as a trial."
Izayoi fixed on a polite smile. "A trial period simply means a time to test something," she explained to the old tree. "Not that you're expected to go through trials and tribulations."
"Although I expect there to be some of those," Inukimi muttered.
Izayoi blushed then, which Touga found an interesting reaction to that statement. What was she thinking about? "Yes, well…ahem, back to what Bokusenou said. How long should this trial period be. Six months?"
"Don't be ridiculous—that's hardly any time to try out this sort of relationship," Inukimi remarked.
"I believe that's plenty of time. From what Inuyasha has told me, some college roommates don't even last that long, and this is going to be a much more…intimate relationship," Izayoi replied, that blush deepening. "Why? What were you thinking?"
Inukimi twirled a strand of her hair without care. "A decade."
"A decade?! Now who's being ridiculous? Our grandchildren will be in the throes of childhood by that point. If this doesn't work out, do you want them to be scarred with memories of their grandparents going through divorce?" Izayoi countered.
Inukimi narrowed her eyes. "Careful, Izayoi: Your true desires are showing. Why do you seem so sure this…arrangement won't work out?"
"That's beside the point," Touga inserted, putting a placating hand on Inukimi's wrist. Then he turned and held Izayoi's hand. "But dearest, you do bring up a valid point. We not only have to think about our grandchildren but our children as well. This…will likely come as a great shock to the boys. If, as Izayoi said, this doesn't work out, we would need a short enough term where the boys would be able to look back on this as some…odd experiment their parents tried out as they were aging." He cracked a smile, trying to lighten the mood, but neither of his wives smiled back. So he cleared his throat and continued. "And as for the grandchildren, I want them to grow up with stability." He entwined his fingers with Inukimi's and looked her in the eye. "I don't want a repeat of what happened with Sesshoumaru. I don't want the girls to get settled into a routine—or a sense of what their family should be like—and then for us to potentially break it up. So I agree that we should make the terms short enough that they will have no memory of it should things go south. Now, that's not to say I'm hoping they go south, but you know I like to plan for all eventualities."
Inukimi nodded. "I am aware. It was what made you a brilliant general…and what makes you a keen businessman." She sighed. "I understand your point. Unfortunately, I am not aware of when mortal children begin to grow awareness. It is before they are ten years old, you say?"
Izayoi and Touga looked at each other. "Inuyasha was remembering plenty when he was two or three, as I recall," Touga said.
"Yes, but the memories that stick with one through adulthood don't really start until maybe four or five, depending on the person," Izayoi added. "Even so, that's still far too long. I was thinking maybe a year."
Inukimi huffed. "As we are in the mood for entertaining worst-case scenarios, a year would only be just enough time to settle into a new routine before having to switch back. Even cellphone contracts are longer than that."
"Inukimi," Touga warned. "It's a reasonable enough request."
The demoness sighed. "Very well. One year."
"Then it's settled," Bokusenou boomed like a judge smacking a gavel, and Touga jumped, having forgotten all about his friend's presence in the last few moments. "You seem to be beyond needing my intervention now, and given that it's going to take me an entire year just to recuperate from all this therapy business, get off with you and go settle this. And don't bother coming back until this time next year to either give me a progress report or to devise a new solution. Understood?" And with that, Bokusenou's face faded back into his trunk.
Touga laughed. "I think this court has been dismissed. Even so, we have much to discuss."
"Such as how exactly this is going to work," Inukimi noted.
"But before that, we need to figure out the most important thing," Izayoi said. "How we're going to tell the kids."
AN: I know there are some of you who aren't going to be happy about this arrangement, but I am prepared for that. It's the nature of the love-triangle beast. If this means you stop reading, just know that I am thankful you gave this story your time and attention up to this point.
Regardless, I hope this chapter was sufficient to justify the decision these three made, and I hope you look forward to seeing their next steps.