Okay everybody, so right now trying to get as much updated as possible. Especially fics I haven't touched in awhile, but as you know, motivation for them is waning mostly due to lost interest as well as me being busy and focusing on other parts of life. So I'll tell you this. Recently I've started to focus more on the gym, work, as well as planning out my future outside the army. I have about 11 months left, so I need to prepare so I can go straight into the civilian work sector as soon as I get out.

Second, I've also recently gotten into talks with some friends about starting our own fitness apparel business, nothing large, just a small business. It won't be my main job, as I plan on becoming a CNC operator when I get out, but it would be a nice side business.

Third, new goal is to find me a wife, because I realized I want kids some day.

Anyways, now to the story.

I do warn you, this chapter will be a bit more like the old crack fic. So bare with me.

Jem's POV

"Alex, why did you invite me out to drink."

"You've been working so hard baby doll! You need to relax!" Alex said flamboyantly.

"Jesus Christ, why do you have to say shit like that, its creepy!" Seriously, there is no way Alex was straight.

If Jem didn't know any better, he would think that Alex was only dating his girlfriend because he was still in the closet and didn't want to come out. But then again, maybe he was just really feminine. But either way, he didn't give a fuck, he just wish that he would stop calling him weird shit that made him feel uncomfortable.

"See? You need to relax."

"Come on, calling another dude baby doll is weird."

"Oh hun, its an everyday thing with me." Jem just looked at him oddly.

"...How are you not gay?"

"Because I don't like dick silly!" Jem had his doubts about Alex.

He seriously had doubts.

"Anyways, why am I here again?"

"Well, me and my girlfriend are in a competition to find you a date?" At this Jem just groaned.

"Great, so now my life is just like some weird ass tv show where a bunch of sad lonely people get to watch me date someone to fulfill their own sad desperate feelings of wanting a relationship."

For some reason...that was specific as fuck.

"But what does that have to do with anything?" At this Alex huffed.

"Well, HUNNIE thought she found a good match for you, so shes bringing her here right now." Jem looked at Alex confused.

"...Why do you seem disappointed in that?"

"Because I found the perfect match for you, but she claims I should let her work her 'magic' first." Jem had to admit he was curious about what he said.

"And who is perfect for-"

"YOO HOO! Jem! Alex baby! We're here!" They say Alex's girlfriend, who for some reason didn't have a real name approach with some other girl.

Jem looked over the girl, she was wearing an orange and black leather jacket with a spiked goth gollar with black combat boots, dark jeans and a shirt with a black kitten on it. She had a pale complexion and black lipstick on. She was pretty petite, but as he looked her over, she did have a good amount of curves on her. Suddenly Jem didn't feel so bad about this. This didn't seem so bad.

"Hi Jem! This is my friend Melania from college!"

Melania waved as she hid her face with her baggy sleeve.

"She's a bit shy, but once you get to know her, she's fine." Alex's girlfriend said as Jem shrugged.

"Nice to meet you." He said as she nodded shy like.

"You too UwU." Jem all of a sudden was weirded out.

First that she said UwU, which he didn't even realize was a thing. And internally he started groaning. PLEEAASSEE say she wasn't a weeaboo. He hated weeaboos, with their stupid asses thinking Japan was just like anime and walking around in schoolgirl outfits all the time. Seriously, he met those idiots back in college, and all they did was piss off the japanese exchange students.

He liked anime, but for fucks sake, Weeaboos ruined it for everyone.

"Oh, sorry, thats something I do when I get nervous." She apologized as she knew that had to weird Jem out.

"Uh yeah, apology accepted." He honestly didn't know what to say to that.

"Sooooo Jemmy, where is Winter tonight?" Alex said already not liking this girl his hunnie had picked out.

"Eh, I don't know, I don't pay attention all the time." At this Hunnie gave a triumphant smirk to her boyfriend.

So far, her blind date was working out better than Alex's hopes for a Fire and Ice pairing.

"Well, forget about her! Why don't you and Melania discuss your interests together." At this they sat down at a table in the bar.

Honestly, Jem didn't have a lot of hope for this. She already set a weird ass tone for it by saying 'UwU' as if it was a real word. But at the same time, he didn't want to go home, one because this was his vacation from Winter and the girls, and two, because he figured this was better than being one of those losers who went home and jerked off to the weirdest porn they could find. Hell, Jem couldn't even watch porn anymore ever since someone told him if you watched porn, you were cucking yourself to a computer screen. So yeah, that completely killed any interest he had in it. Plus lets face it, there was some weird shit out there. He remembered one time someone pranked him with a video he thought was going to be a wholesome anime...instead it was a brutal tentacle hentai video.

Needless to say, he was certain that video was one of the reasons he was deathly afraid of squids or anything with tentacles.

Worst part of that was finding out that Tentacle porn was a thing the japanese thought of even back in the 1800s with that 'Dream of the fisherman's wife.'

You know...in some ways he was interested by Japanese culture...and other ways wondering what the fuck was wrong with them.

He looked over Melania, trying to figure out what to ask her.

"So, what are you into?"

"Well, I like anime, games, manga, art, and J pop." At this Jem realized this was not going to go well.

"How about you?"

"Well, I like the gym, and reading about the vikings, celts, romans, I'm a history buff." He said as she got excited.

"Oooh, do you know about Japanese history?" ...Damn it this was not going well.

"Nothing, just the basics, like a few random facts about the Mimizuka and shit." She looked confused at that.

"The what?"

Shit, he realized that was probably not the best topic to talk about when first meeting a girl. So he decided to let it go. Despite the fact he didn't have high hopes for this date, he still would make the effort to try and be civil, who knows, it might turn out alright.

"Sooo...you're pretty buff."

And just like that, she stroked his ego, and the date went 0 to 100 really fast.

"Yeesss, I do try and work out at least five days a week." He said as he playfully flexed his arms as she giggled.

At this Alex and his girlfriend had mixed reactions. He was pouting as he was worried his horse in the race would lose. While his girlfriend was smirking victoriously.

"See? Told you they would get along fine."

"The only reason she likes him is because of his muscles!" Alex pointed out.

"So? She has some strange fetishes, doesn't make her a bad person."

"Uhm, excuse me, Jem is not the kind for strange fetishes! He doesn't even watch porn because he considers it cuckoldry!" Alex pointed out as his girlfriend paused.

"...How do you know that?"

"Oh, he brought it up when he saw some geeks at the comic book store lusting over a picture of Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn." Alex said as his girlfriend was even more confused.

"Wait, you two hang out outside of the gym?"

"Occassionally, he brings me along when he runs errands and tries to teach me to be more masculine, while I try to teach him how to dress!" Alex giggled.

To be fair, his girlfriend completely understood why people thought her boyfriend was gay. Because even she thought so at first. He did seem to have a lot more feminine qualities than one would imagine.

"Look, all I'm saying is I got a bad feeling about this girl." Alex said as his girlfriend smirked and looked at him.

"You were saying?" She asked as she saw Jem was leaving with Melania.

"Oof." Alex said as this was not boding well for his 'Winter hugs and snugz' pairing.

An Hour later

"Uhm, don't you think this is going a little fast." Jem said as he was pinned up against the wall by Melania as she tore his shirt off and forced her lips onto his.

"Oh come on baby, we all need a little release every now and then." SHe said as she unbottoned one of her shirt buttons.

Okay, Jem would be honest, he wasn't one for hookups. And more importantly, he still wasn't sure about this whole situation. As soon as he walked into her house, it was covered in anime posters and sailor moon memoribilia. Now, he liked geeky girls as much as the next guy. But there was a difference with liking something and being obsessed with something.

Melania led him to the bedroom where she pushed him onto her bed and crawled on top of him, pushing her legs against the sides of his torso as she straddled his waist.

"Come on, you said it yourself you thought I was pretty." She smirked as he noticed she was wearing those hot topic fake vampire teeth.

"Uh yeah...I do have a thing for goths." He said as she smirked.

"Thats good." She said as she leaned forward, her breasts getting closer and closer to his face.

Again Jem was having a moral dilemma, he didn't want to be one of those guys who has one night stands, but then again, he also REALLY didn't want to pass up an oppurtunity like this.

CLICK!

Wait what the fuck?

Jem was so distracted by her boobs being so close to his face that he didn't notice she placed his hands above his head and clipped them to her bed post.

"Wait, no." He said as he didn't like where this was going.

"Oh please, just a bit of harmless fun." She said as he looked up.

"...These are legit handcuffs!" He yelled as he was panicking a bit.

"Uh huh, I work as a corrections officer!" She said as she stood up and got up.

"Now let me go get properly dressedd." She said as she got up and stripped out of her jeans and normal clothes.

"..." Jem at this point was both scared and curious.

On one hand, he could deal with some light bondage, as long as she didnt get into that weird WEIRD shit. But he was a bit worried when she said 'Get properly dressed' Oh god, what if she was a dominatrix? Pllleaassse don't let that be the case.

In panic he looked up at the handcuffs, the bed post she had him attached to was made of wood, but he wasn't sure how thick it was. So this was not good.

"I'm back!" She yelled as Jem looked up.

And his heresy levels went off the charts.

He saw Melania standing there, she was wearing a big tiger fur suit head on her head. Her body was still visible, and Jem coudl see the tiger striped theme lingerie she had picked out, along with the high heels, but that didn't matter, because the fur suit head was ruining everything, but what was even worse was what he saw her holding.

"This is just your size!" She said as she held up another fur suit head.

This one was a wolf head.

"OOOOOHHHH HEEELLLLLLLLLL NOOOOOOOOO!"

Jem had to get out of here!"