Okay guys, so this chapter will seem a bit rushed and a little bit cracky. But its because I'm excited to get on with it. And I really needed this part out of the way. Will it seem stupid? Yes. Will it seem plot conveniant? Yes. Will it be something so outrageously stupid that the characters could have easily planned ahead for this? Yes.

But hey, I promise you, this is where the fun begins.

A long explanation later

"So you mean to tell me you know everything thats gonna happen?" Ironwood asked as Jem nodded.

"Yep, not gonna lie, kind of pissed with the route Roosterteeth took your character, they went with the obvious route of making you a dictator, but that was literally the basic bitch plotline." Jem wasn't a fan of how Ironwood went out.

Sure Roosterteeth implied he was going to end up a dictator figure in early seasons. But it just seemed too shoehorned in when they actually did it. Especially with wanting to bomb the shit out of mantle just because Penny wouldn't come back to him. That was kind of fucked up.

"I'm not even going to acknowledge that." Ironwood was talking about the 'Basic Bitch' plotline.

"To be honest, the last two volumes have been kind of weird, and I mostly watch for the fight scenes since the plot is just getting confusing." Jem said as longed for the good ol days.

"I've seen a lot in my day, but this takes the cake." Ozpin said as he was officially bowled over.

Being a reincarnated warrior destined to die over and over again? He could deal with that. Falling in love with the queen of all evil? Again also believable.

But traveling to a world where his entire life was part of a tv show?

He never expected that.

"Look, usually if any other fan had a chance to tell you all this, they would probably be obsessive about trying to stop the end of the world as you know it, However, I'm going to be simple, Just watch the show, alter what you can, and try to avoid the obvious." Jem said as he really didn't feel like going through the effort of explaining the ENTIRE plot to them.

"Very well." Ironwood was willing to be open about this.

Finding out he was a dictator in the future had really fucked him up. Even though he couldn't help but feel during the circumstances that it was no wonder he had snapped.

"Look, lets just say, future is simple, don't be a total choch and you should be fine." Jem really didn't have much else to say to Ironwood.

Not just because he was sick of explaining the plotline of the show. But also because he was sick of having to tell someone their own life story everytime someone new came through the portal. Actually that reminded him.

"So, what happens now? I mean you guys got the portal to earth figured out right?" Jem asked as they both nodded.

"Yes."

"And you've obviously come to take everyone home right?"

"Thats correct."

"So...is that really how it ends?"

"Sadly no." Ironwood said as Jem looked at him with surprise.

"Really? I would have thought this would be one of those 'We go and never come back' Situations?" He asked as Ironwood sighed.

"Usually it wouldn't be, but unfortunately the council got a hold of what we were doing, and they find the idea of other worlds to be...interesting to say the least." Ozpin said as he remembered that meeting.

Somehow the council had found out about the disappearance of Team RWBY and JNPR as well as Winter. Eventually Ironwood and Ozpin had to confess what had happened. And they had been ecstatic at the idea. The idea of new worlds full of resources was an amazing concept to them. So based on their greed, Ozpin was certain they would not let this be an open and shut case.

"Huh that seems convenient." Jem was thinking this was too good to be true.

"Convenient?" Ozpin asked as Jem looked over.

"Well I just started dating Winter Schnee and I adopted a faunus child, so conveniant that not all communication is going to be cut off." Suddenly they heard a crash of a cup hitting the floor.

Ironwood was staring at Jem in shock as his coffee cup was splattered all over the floor. He was having a hard time processing what he was hearing. He looked Jem over once, while the man was obviously of good physical condition, he also didn't look like the type of person Winter would date. He had known Schnee for a long time. And despite her dislike of high society figures that her dad associated with, he always figured she had a taste for the higher status men in life.

This guy was not of high status.

Hell he looked like he would be sitting in a boat throwing dynamite in the water.

"Bullshit." Was all Ironwood had to say.

"I mean it was one date, but I think it went well." Jem said as Winter spoke up.

"I mean, it did go well." Winter agreed as they were holding hands.

"I suppose I've seen weirder." Ozpin said as he sipped some of the coffee Jem had made up.

"Bro, you were a champion warrior who married the queen of all Grimm. That would be like the star quarterback dating the big tiddy goth girl in school." Jem pointed out as Ozpin went silent.

Normally he would not be too keen about his secrets being divulged like that, but based on what they were just told, this bald headed redneck knew everything about them. So there really was no point in keeping secrets now.

"Look." Jem slapped the DVD volumes of RWBY on the table.

"Just watch everything from season 3 onward, that should be what covers the future for you guys, it will give you both a better explanation than me." Jem really didn't want to have to explain this.

"Very well." Ironwood said as Ozpin followed him into another room.

"Wow, you really didn't want to explain that did you?" Winter asked Jem as he nodded.

"Winny, at this point I've had to explain it to you, Team RWBY and JNPR, the Ace Ops, Glynda, I think I can afford to take shortcuts this one time." Suddenly Ozpin came back in the room.

"What is this?" He asked holding up another dvd.

"RWBY CHIBI!"

"Oh, just ignore that." Jem had no idea how that got there.

Ozpin nodded but made a note to watch it later. For some reason he saw the cartoon version of himself rather charming.

Some time Later

"So now that all that is out of the way, what happens now?" Jem asked as Ironwood and Ozpin were confused.

"What you mean?" Ozpin asked.

"Well, obviously the council wants to open communication with your leader." Suddenly Jem Froze.

"Shit..." That was not going to go well.

"Eh, you know what, can't you just lie and say that this world was destroyed or that we're too primitive to deal with?" He asked as they were surprised by his sudden change of tone.

"I doubt they would believe that."

Jem thought of something.

"Okay how about this, the council based on what I can tell sees this as a chance to gain more resources between worlds. BUT I don't think they have any idea of the massive clash between worlds that can happen." Jem pointed out as Ironwood spoke up.

"I've seen footage of places on this planet from our surveillance drones, this place looks like a warzone." He pointed out as Jem spoke up.

"Afghanistan?" He asked.

"No, some place called Detroit."

"Oh...okay thats fair." Jem decided to get off that topic.

"Look, the point is, you guys are aliens to my world, I'm aliens to your world. Theres a million ways to fuck a chicken, but this is not the way to do it." Jem said as they both looked at him with a disturbed look on his face.

"What did you just say?" Ironwood had never heard such a vulgar statement.

This man almost reminded him of Qrow.

"My point is, if you want to introduce Remnant to Earth, you can't go full blown elephant dick straight out of the way, you got to ease into it." Winter was trying not to laugh at how Jem was describing this.

Usually she would be very against the vulgarity of his statements, but she was used to it by now.

"Okay let me put it this way." Jem stood up and got a white board out.

"Lets say this tiny circle is Remnant." Jem drew a tiny circle in the center of the board.

"And this dick is Earth." He proceeded to draw a large dick on the board.

"...Winter I thought you told me he was a soldier?" Ironwood wasn't believing this man's behavior.

"His nations military is...different." Winter didn't want to go into detail.

"My point is, in order to fit this-" He pointed to the giant dick drawing.

"Into this." Pointed to the hole.

"You don't just ram it in full force at first, that will just cause a lot of panic, probably a lot of pain, and possible relationships get thrown out the window." Jem drew a picture of an unhappy face.

Ozpin and Ironwood felt like they were losing brain cells listening to this.

"So, you let them see it first, maybe you let them touch it, get a small feel for it. Let them get used to the sight of it." Jem knew the people of Earth would need to be introduced slowly to avoid chaos.

"Then after they're a bit more comfortable with the idea, you add some lube to the tip, let them get used to it." Jem said making the motion of a finger going into a hole slowly.

"Then slowly but surely you give them inch after inch." Jem continued to make his finger go into the hole.

"And then finally before you know it, they're at the hilt and suddenly it doesn't seem so bad." Jem finished as Ironwood and Ozpin couldn't believe what they just heard.

"...He's enlisted isn't he?" Ironwood asked as Winter nodded.

"Yep." Jem admitted as Ironwood rolled his eyes.

"You are without the doubt the strangest kind of soldier I have ever met." Ironwood said as Jem beamed a little in pride.

The truth was that Jem used this approach with soldiers he trained. You don't fuck them over completely on their first day. You let them get used to the long dick of the army slowly fucking their souls. Then eventually they get to the point where you're so used to it that no matter what you say 'Eh fuck it' and charlie mike.

"Anyways, if you don't mind me asking, how did you do that cool ass blue portal thingy? That was like something out of stargate." Jem was fascinated by it.

Ironwood figured they had nothing to lose and he pulled out the device and threw it to Jem.

"Ozpin and I had these devices designed, originally the model was supposed to be a large gateway but it was too hard to hide the expense reports from the council at first." Ironwood said as Jem sighed.

"But they found out eventually."

"Yes, but we were already in the midst of developing these." Ironwood said as Ozpin spoke up.

"Each device uses a certain amount of dust to help open the portal and sustain it long enough to choose your destination." Ozpin spoke up as Jem pressed a button.

Suddenly the blue portal opened up.

"Woah." He said as that was probably the coolest thing he saw.

"I would prefer you didn't do that, we already had to use one charge to get here, and the cool down takes awhile, these are still prototypes, so they're not perfected." Ironwood was a little irritated that he just opened the portal.

"Wait, if they need to recharge than why was this one able to open up?" Jem asked as that didn't make sense.

"We brought two along just in case. The charge time is three days. And we weren't sure if we were going to need to evacuate right away." Ironwood explained as Jem still had one more question.

"And if it was a safe area?"

"Well then it would be a nice escape from paperwork." Ozpin said the quiet part out loud.

Ironwood cursed under his breath. The truth is that was what they had mutually agreed upon if they were able to avoid the bad areas of Earth and land somewhere peaceful. Enjoy three days without having to deal with the paperwork and bullshit that had accrued because of this whole mess.

Those two really needed a vacation.

"You said you can choose your destination?" He asked as Ironwood wasn't about to say anything.

Ozpin however wasn't so tight lipped.

"You can scroll through the options of Remnant on the device." Ironwood glared at Ozpin for spilling secrets.

"Cooooollll." Jem was scrolling through the device, and he was seeing multiple areas of Remnant popping up almost like a big tv.

He could only think of the potential of this type of technology for Earth. More importantly he was thinking about how useless air travel would be with this type of technology. But he had a feeling that this dust formula would be locked under lock and key out of fear of it falling into the wrong hands. Either way, Jem couldn't believe the things he was seeing.

Everything that was animated on the show was coming to life in vivid detail! He got to see Beacon Academy, and while he knew it was a castle on the show, seeing it with realistic settings was absolutely breathtaking. It was almost like looking at a piece of history come to life.

"This is ama-" Jem was cut off as they heard the sound of a door slamming open.

"HAS ANYONE SEEN MY PHONE?!" AJ yelled as the door bumped Jem.

Who fell face first into the portal.

...

...

...

"Daddy?" Nala said as the portal closed.

"Oh shit..." Winter looked at the device laying on the ground.

"YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME?!" Ironwood surprisingly lost his cool.

On Remnant

"Oh...shit." Jem had faceplanted into some sand.

He got up on his knees as he did a once over.

"Okay, so...I fell through the portal which means I'm on Remnant...what do I have on me?" He asked himself as he started patting himself down.

He had his Duluth Flexpedition pants on, his hiking/hunting boots, a bass pro shops t shirt, a light hoodie with the depiction of perseus with the head of medusa, and his operator hat in RBS camo pattern.

But he needed to check for his most important items.

"Let me just check." He felt the side of his hip.

"Phew its still there." He pulled out his concealed carry pistol

A smith and wesson M&P 9mm, he used to carry the compact version, but he found that he could carry the full size version without an issue. He pulled the mag out to check that everything was okay. Sure enough all of his rounds were sitting there. But he would have to be careful, he had 17 in the mag, with one in the pipe. They were hollowpoints but he was hoping he wouldn't have to use them. He felt the other side of his belt, and he saw he still had his small folding buck knife. It wasn't the biggest, but it was better than nothing.

He still had his phone and wallet, but it was mostly useless now.

"Okay, now the only thing left is to find out where I am." He said as he looked around.

"Uhm Mister." He turned around really quick.

Only to see no one there.

"Huh?"

"Down here!" He heard a small irritated voice say.

He looked down to see a little girl with mouse ears.

"Holy fuck nuggets, that is adorable." He said as he looked down.

"Uhm, hello." He said awkwardly.

"Were you sleeping on the beach?" The little girl asked as he was covered in sand.

"Uhm yeah, sorry, am I on your property?" He asked as he was trying not to sound awkward.

"No this is public property. Everyones welcome." She said as she had her fishing pole over her shoulder.

"Oh okay phew..." But he noticed she still had a strange look on her face.

"It's just..." She paused.

"What?" He asked as she was looking him over.

"You're the first human I've ever seen before." The little girl said as Jem suddenly knew where he was.

"Oh shit, I'm on Menagerie."