Author's Note: Hello, everyone. I'm here with a brand new weekly chapter of Howard's Ducktales. This chapter here took quite a few changes which wouldn't have worked otherwise. It wasn't easy, but this was an essenetial episode which I had to do.
Enjoy the chapter. Any and all comments are welcome.
There were many things happening at McDuck Manor that Howard would rather avoid. Webby was fighting a bear with her friends, Lena and Violet, and Dewey and Mrs. Beakley were fighting a powerful storm of magical wind coming from a teapot. But both of those things were far from the strangest things he saw today. When he came to the living room, he stopped to stare wide-eyed at Della and Huey.
Both Della and Huey were wearing fantasy costumes while the former was holding a game. They stood in front of the TV which showed a fantasy game ready to be played. The game was called "Legends of Legend Quest! Dereznaroth". They both chanted with excitement.
"A prophesied hero has arrived. A hero who is… you? RISE, LEGENDS OF LEGEND QUEST!"
Howard couldn't look away. "Uh… Did I miss something?"
"Oh. Hey, Howard." Della said. "Guess what? I just found my favorite childhood game! And Huey's a player too!"
"Your favorite game?" Howard asked.
"Yep. It's called 'Legends of Legend Quest'." Della said showing Howard her game box. "Here, we get to battle magical monsters, seek legendary treasure, and live a life of endless adventure!"
"As opposed to real life," Howard said, "Where you really do fight monsters, seek treasure, and adventure every other day."
"Yes, but this way, we can adventure without any real bodily harm." Huey said. "I'm just glad my mom actually loves this game as much as I do."
"Are you kidding?" Della asked. "Scrooge and Donald used to come home to sleep after an adventure, but this baby let me quest all night long. What do you think, Howard? Want us to set up an avatar for you?"
Howard thought for a moment. "Well, my only other options are either wrestling a bear with the girls or fighting a storm with Dewey and the housekeeper. So… All right. If there's nothing else, I…"
"Oh, there's something else, all right." Howard turned and saw Scrooge walking in on the living room.
"Oh. Good morning, Uncle Scrooge." Della said.
"Hey, kids." Scrooge said. "Howard, remember when I told you I will need you for some favors to earn your way in my house? Well, I have a job for you."
"Oh. Okay then." Howard said. "What do you need of me? Does it involve physical harm?"
"In this situation, anything is possible." Scrooge said. "Goldie's back."
"Who?" Howard asked.
"Wait!" Della gasped. "You mean Goldie O'Gilt? She's back?"
"Would someone mind telling me who this Goldie is?" Howard asked.
"She's Uncle Scrooge's girlfriend." Della said with a teasing tone to her uncle.
"EX-girlfriend!" Scrooge corrected. "She's a treasure-hunter like me, but she made her fortune out of betrayal and thievery. Which, I suppose, is why Louie invited her over to Duckburg."
"Wait, what?" Huey asked. "Louie brought Goldie here? Why?"
"He said he needs her for his Louie Incorporated brand." Scrooge said.
"That company that Louie's trying to get off the ground?" Howard asked.
"Yes. Pay attention." Scrooge said. "Now, Louie is trusting Goldie to teach him all her tricks, but that itself is a big mistake. If he lets her in too close, he's just going to get hurt. Just earlier, I overheard them deciding to get into the party of one Doofus Drake."
"AAHH! DOOFUS DRAKE!" Huey screamed before diving under the table.
"Uh, isn't he that actor from that Darkwing Duck movie?" Howard asked.
"No, that's Drake Mallard." Huey said. "Doofus Drake is the scariest rich kid in the entire world!"
"Today's the little weirdo's birthday, and he sent out invitations to everyone he knew." Scrooge said. "He even sent two to Louie. And now, he's going there with Goldie. Either Goldie or Doofus is dangerous to be around, but both of them in the same place is a guaranteed disaster. Thankfully, I have the other invitation Doofus sent." He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a golden ticket for Howard. "I need you to follow Louie to that party and make sure he doesn't get hurt."
"That's it?" Howard scoffed accepting the invitation. "I just gotta go to this rich kid's party and keep on eye on the kid? Piece of cake… birthday cake, that is. Hehe. I kill myself."
"Don't underestimate the situation." Scrooge said. "Doofus is so much of a monster, he has his own parents on a payroll and turned them into his servants. One more thing, the invitation states that there must be at least one parent and one child accepting it. If you're going in there, you're going to need a kid."
"No problemo." Howard said. "Let's see… Webby and her friends are busy with the bear, Dewey is fighting heavy winds in the kitchen, so that just leaves…" He looked over at Huey, who looked frightened upon realization.
"Uh, what? No, no, no, no! Uh, uh! I can't! Because… I gotta play 'Legends of Legend Quest' with my mom! Right, Mom?"
Della thought for a moment. "Actually, I think I'm gonna join Howard."
"What?" Huey asked.
"What?" Howard asked.
"Look, if my son is as much danger as Uncle Scrooge says he is, then I gotta go to. And I really think you should come to."
"But I… We were just…" Huey stammered trying to think of an excuse before sighing in defeat. "Fine. But if he tries to collar me, I'm out of there!"
"All right." Scrooge said. "So, Howard, Della, if anyone at the party asks, you two are married couple of Huey's your son."
Howard and Della had the same shocked reactions. They then laughed nervously while talking over each other.
"Us? Married? Who would think… I mean, maybe… Just for show, though. Yeah. I…" They kept on chuckling softly.
Howard was amazed at the sight of a fancy treehouse above the mansion. It was decorated with huts and carnival rides and a waterfall.
"You can really tell that this is the home of a rich kid, huh?" Howard asked.
"Don't get in too deep." Huey said as he, Della, and Howard entered the party.
The three of them hopped on an elevator and rode It all the way up to the treehouse. Once it stopped, they walked to a large, festive party with different people around with poorly-convincing "children". Howard kept on admiring everything until he saw a barrel of water with broken wooden planks floating on the surface. The sign above it read "Bobbing For Splinters".
"Bobbing for splinters?" Howard asked. "Are the splinters made of chocolate or…"
Della fixed her eyes on a gold-colored cake which was labeled "Not Full of Hair". "Uh… Why is it labeled like that?"
"Knowing Doofus, who knows if it's even true or not." Huey said nervously. "Let's just keep calm, not panic, and…"
"Hey!"
"AAH! I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE! I WAS JUST…" Huey screamed before he turned around and saw Louie standing there with a middle aged duck with blonde hair beside him (obviously Goldie). "Oh, Louie. It was just you."
"What are you three doing here?" Louie asked.
"Isn't it obvious, Sharpie?" Goldie asked. "Scroogey doesn't trust me with you, so he sent these guys here to spy on us. By the way, hey, Della. Nice to see you alive."
"Oh. Thanks, Goldie." Della said before putting on a threatening scowl. "Just watch it. If you do anything to get my son in trouble, I'll…"
"Take it easy, leadfoot." Goldie said. "I'm just showing your sharp kid some of my best work."
"And how are you going to do that in a party celebrating the creepiest kid in all of Duckburg?" Huey asked.
"Simple. Take a look over there." Goldie pointed at a table waiting at the side of the party. Everyone looked in surprise at the many gift bags that were full of gold and jewels in each one.
"Whoa! What are those?" Howard asked.
"Gift bags for the guests when they leave the party." Goldie said. "There's about $457 million in those bags. We're just working on a way to make sure we get ALL the bags."
"$457 million?" Howard asked. He turned away and pulled out an alien device. "How much does that convert to galactic units?" He typed on his device and got his answer on the screen, which surprised him even more. "Whoa, momma! That's a lot!"
"Seriously?" Della asked. "You think we're just gonna stand by and let you teach my son about dishonest work?"
"I'm perfectly fine with that." Louie said. "It's why I asked Goldie for help in the first place."
"Yeah, you heard the kid." Goldie said. "He's the sharp one."
"Why, I oughta…"
"Della, wait." Howard interrupted. "How about you let me worry about it?" He walked to Goldie and lead her way from the others where they could whisper among each other. "So listen…"
"You want in on the scheme too, don't you?" Goldie asked.
"What?" Howard asked shocked. "How did you know?"
"I've been in the game long enough to know a fellow professional con when I see one." Goldie said. "What's your background, mystery guy?"
"Howard, actually, and I'd like to keep that to myself." Howard said. "So here's my proposal. As long as no one gets hurt—especially the Ducks—then I can talk Della and Huey into leaving you alone. In return, I would like… How does one of those gift bags sound?"
Goldie pondered. "Hmm… Well, it would be a lot smoother without the reckless mom getting on my case every five seconds. All right then. You got a deal."
Della watched the two converse from afar with a suspicious look on her face. "What do you think those two are talking about?"
"I don't know." Louie said just as Howard and Goldie returned.
"Kids, we came to an agreement." Goldie said.
"Goldie and Louie can continue their scheme as long as no one gets hurt." Howard said. "We'll still be here at the party to keep an eye on them. That way, everyone wins."
"I still don't know." Huey said. "A little harmlessness is a lot to ask in a Doofus Drake party."
"Relax, kid. I'm a professional." Goldie said. "I conquered goblins that were scarier than that twerp. We'll be fine. We just need a way to make sure that we're the only ones who can have all the bags."
At that moment, the party was filled with the sound of harp music played by Mrs. Drake, who was dressed as a maid, by the pool. Beside her, Mr. Drake (dressed as a butler) stood and presented a giant clam which floated in the water.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I give you perfection. I give you grace. I give you the universe's perfect widdle angel… Doofus Drake."
The clam opened up and everyone leaned in to see inside of it. However, everyone was confused to see that it was empty. That is, until a boy's quiet, creepy voice whispered behind Louie.
"Helloyn, Llewellyn."
"AAAAAAAHHHHH!" Louie screamed turning to see Doofus Drake standing right behind him. "Uh, I mean… happy birthday!"
"It warms my heart to see all my wonderful friends and your loving parents." Doofus said. He walked over to Howard and Della holding their hands. "Even these two. Now, they seem like the perfect couple."
Once again, Howard and Della chuckled nervously pulling their hands away.
"Oh, perfect. Even the creepy kids ships us." Della thought to herself.
"Why was his hand sweating?" Howard thought to himself. "And why did it smell like bacon?"
"Such beautiful families." Doofus said. "It reminds me of my dear, departed Guhmeemama." He turned to a portrait of a rich woman hugging a bunch of cash money.
"Guhmeemama." both of Doofus' parents said quietly.
"What's a 'Guhmeemama'?" Howard whispered to Louie.
"I think that's Doofus' grandma, who left him a huge inheritance after she died." Louie said. "That's how he got so rich in the first place."
"That's right." Doofus said. "And she's the only parent I've ever known."
Doofus' dad sighed. "Why does he hurt me?"
"You know why." Mrs. Drake said.
"Unfortunately, there are FILTHY LIARS IN OUR MIDST ONLY AFTER MY GIFT BAGS!" Doofus yelled startling the guests.
The Duck family stood nervously as Doofus walked around the guests. He stopped when he stood in front of a man in a purple suit and top hat standing next to a man dressed as a child holding a lollypop.
"Percival P. Peppington!" Doofus confronted. "You disappoint me. If you're going to hire an actor to pretend to be your son, at least hire a child actor. Did you really think I wouldn't recognize Johnny from Ottoman Empire? Johnny, I know you've been reaching out after separating from Randy, but this is a sad attempt for an actor."
"Hey, I've got range!" Johnny protested.
"This is some mix-up." Percival said nervously. "I must have left my real son in the car. I'll go get him!" He ran toward the elevator, but he stopped when Doofus stood in his way.
"Would you like to see my honey bin?" Doofus asked.
"Don't you mean your 'money' bin?" Percival asked.
"No." Doofus pulled out a button and pressed it. Suddenly, a trap door opened underneath Percival and he screamed while plummeting into the darkness below where he was met with the sound of angry bees. Everyone was stressed to see it, including Johnny, who Doofus sent flying with a springboard trap.
"Is every spot in this party a trap?" Howard asked as he looked down at the floor. He was standing on a word that literally read "TRAP". "This kid has way too much time on his hands."
"So… many… LIARS!" Doofus yelled as he pressed his button several times. At that moment, party guests began falling into trap doors. Only Howard, Della, Huey, Louie, Goldie, and a few other partygoers were left standing.
"Oh, man. Everyone was pulling the same con as us." Louie said.
"Still feeling confident about your plan, Louie?" Huey asked.
"Just say the word, and we're out of here." Della said.
"There's nothing to worry about." Goldie assured. "The little pest stopped springing his traps, that means he's done getting rid of the obvious con artists. And we're the only ones left standing."
"Not exactly." Howard said. He pointed over at two groups of people. One grouped was composed of Flintheart Glomgold who was holding onto a ventriloquist dummy dressed as a child. The other group was Mark Beaks and a child grey parrot.
When Doofus approached, Flintheart turned to his ventriloquist dummy. "Uh, Sharkbomb, my boy, meet Doofus."
"Get off my back, Dad!" Flintheart said in a high-pitched tone trying to pretend his puppet was saying that.
Doofus stared at the puppet before smiling. "Your blank stare is soothing." he said before hugging the dummy.
"So he could tell when a grown-up is pretending to be a kid, but he can't tell when a grown up is pretending his dummy is a kid?" Howard asked.
"That guy's mind is a mystery." Huey said.
"So what's the plan now, Louie?" Della asked. "At this point, it's safe to just call it quits."
"No way. This is perfect." Louie said. "We expose the others as phonies to gain Doofus' trust. Then, we'll get out of here with their leftover bags before we're exposed.
"Ambitious, dangerously overconfident. Sounds good." Goldie said.
"Uh, no. Sounds bad." Della said. "You know what happened when Icarus flew too close to the sun?"
"Come on, Mom." Louie said. "If anything, we're doing Doofus a favor by showing him who his real friends are."
"But he doesn't have any real friends." Howard said.
"He won't have to know that. Just watch." Louie said as he approached Mark Beaks and the younger parrot boy. "Mark Beaks. Since when do you have a kid?"
"Since I realize how many likes family pics get online." Mark answered taking selfies with his kid.
"Hi! I'm Boyd!" greeted the child parrot.
"Uh, sure, you are." Louie said.
"Nice to meet you, Boyd." Huey said. "I don't know why, but I feel like I can trust you."
"Same to you." Boyd said.
"Yeah, all that aside," Mark Beaks said showing everyone his phone pictures, "Look at all the cool stuff we did yesterday. Going to rock concert. Theme park. Aquarium. Mountain seeing. Kite flying."
"Since when is this guy father of the year?" Howard asked. "Last time I saw that guy, he turned into a monster and tried to crush us."
"Ah, that was a lifetime ago." Mark Beaks said.
"Two weeks!"
"Like I said, a lifetime." Beaks said. "By the way, since when are you a true relative of the Duck boys? I've never met you until just recently."
"Aye." Glomgold said with a mischievous smile. "You might as well be an alien from another planet or something."
Howard began to sweat. "Hehehe. Who? Me? I don't… I just…"
"I… brought him into our family!" Della yelled in defense of Howard. "Yep. For ten years, I was trapped on the moon, but it was the love of my boys that motivated me to return home to them. But, you know, I couldn't let them be without a father. So… I met Howard, and we've been together ever since." She wrapped her arm around Howard's and smiled forcefully for Doofus, who smiled back
"That's nice." Doofus said. He clapped his hands and allowed his parents to rip his clothes off revealing his swim trunks. "POOL TIME!" With that, his parents carried him to the pool.
"Whew. Thanks for the save, Della." Howard said.
"No problem." Della said before blushing. "You know, that whole story about us being together…"
"I get it." Howard said with an equal amount of blushing. "But, you know, that story just made me think of something. Huey, Dewey, and Louie… Who was their dad?"
Della's smile dropped. She looked over at her sons. Louie was scheming with Goldie and Huey was chatting with Boyd.
"Their dad is… not around." Della said sadly. "I met him during one of my adventures with Donald and Uncle Scrooge. He's been a big help, and there was quite a spark between us. He helped us into a temple, but he triggered a trap and…" She stopped speaking which saddened a sympathetic Howard.
"I'm sorry." Howard said.
"It's fine." Della replied. "Let's just make sure our family doesn't get hurt."
Later on in the party, Doofus was hopping on a diving board before deciding to just drop down backwards into the water. His back hit the surface of the water and he yelled out in pain while waving his arms around to swim around.
Despite being weirded out by Doofus' strange activity, Howard noticed that Louie was talking to Glomgold and "Sharkbomb". Curious, he moved in to hear what they were saying.
"Hey, Flintheart," Louie said, "Can I speak to Sharkbomb in private for a second?"
"Oh, uh… certainly." Glomgold said before taking a deep breath and diving his head in the water.
"Sharkbomb, can I tell you a secret?" Louie asked. The puppet's words were unrecognizable due to Glomgold being underwater. "Great! I think my aunt has the hots for your dad."
Instantly, Glomgold poked his head out. "She does?! I mean…"
"As if! EW! Barf-o-rama!"
"You're making me look like a fool!" Glomgold lectured his dummy.
"You don't need my help, geezer!" Sharkbomb said as he began getting into a fistfight with Glomgold in the pool. They then took their fight out of the pool where they were rolling on top of each other.
Howard watched in shock. "He's wrestling his puppet… and losing."
"I'LL SHOW YOU LOSING!" Glomgold yelled as he ripped his puppet's head off. He celebrated for a bit before realizing what he had done in front of a disappointed Doofus. He tried to put the head back on, but his ruse was uncovered.
At Doofus' command, a trapdoor opened underneath Glomgold. He fell, but he used the mouth on his puppet to grab onto the edge hanging on for dear life.
"DON'T LET GO, SHARKBOMB!" Glomgold yelled.
"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DOOOOOOOOOO!" Sharkbomb yelled letting go of the edge and falling into the pit with Glomgold.
"Yeesh." Della said joining the rest of her family in watching. "Hate to be that guy."
"It looks like all that's left is to expose Beaks and Boyd." Louie said.
"You're seriously okay with letting Doofus send a kid into a swarm of bees?" Della asked.
"Yeah. And I like him too. We've been chatting for the past ten minutes, and he's just as precise as I am." Huey said.
"Then let's work together on figuring this out." Goldie said.
"That would be the best way to get rid of Beaks without hurting Boyd." Howard said. "All right, Huey, what can you tell us about the kid?"
"Honestly, I can't see anything wrong." Huey said. He looked over at Boyd, who was playing a Doofus Drake-themed pinball machine. "He's friendly, he's strong, and for some reason, he gets along weirdly well with Doofus."
"All I found are hundreds of photos of him and Beaks being perfect together." Louie said going through the social media photos on his phone. That's when he realized something. "Wait. Where are the baby pictures? Beaks would never pass up that sweet clickbait. Hold on! What's this weird Wi-Fi network? 'Beaks Optimistic Youth Droid'?"
Howard gasped. "B-O-Y-D! Boyd! Boyd is a robot!"
"Wait, what? I was friends with a robot?" Huey gasped. "That… is incredible!" He jumped up in happiness.
"Not to us." Goldie said. "How are we supposed to trip up a boy-bot who's programmed to be perfect?"
"Well, Beaks isn't exactly father of the year." Howard said looking mischievously at Mark Beaks. "Watch and learn."
As Howard walked away, Goldie approached Della with a smirk on her face.
"So… You and Howard, huh?" Goldie asked.
"What? Haha! No!" Della denied with a forced laugher. "Howard and I are just friends. That whole father speech was just a cover, remember?"
"Uh, huh. Sure." Goldie said. "Listen, kid, I've seen that look in your eye before. I felt that the first time I met Scroogey. We never got together because he was a fair man and I preferred the easy way to be rich. But you two don't have that conflict. There's nothing stopping you, right?"
Della didn't answer. She just thought to herself.
Howard approached Mark nonchalantly. "Hey, Beaks."
"What up, playa?!" Beaks cheered. "What do you think of my son?"
"Oh, he must be one of a kind." Howard said. "Hey, have you made any full-length pictures of you and your son at this party?"
"Hmm. Give me a minute." Beaks said going through the gallery on his phone. "Huh. You know, we don't? Hey, would you do me a solid and take a picture of us?"
"Oh, I am on it." Howard said taking the phone. "Just to let you know, though. I'm not used to this particular model, so it might take me a minute."
Beaks pulled Boyd away from the pinball machine and posed next to him. They both waited while Howard began typing on the phone. They waited patiently for a minute before Beaks was getting impatient.
"Hey, basic, I know you're new, but it's not that hard."
"Just a little… there!" Howard declared.
Suddenly, a little electricity sparked out of Boyd. The little robot boy jumped away from Beaks and started disco dancing with colorful lights shining out of his eyes.
"AH! WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Beaks asked in a panic.
"I found out how you were programming Boyd, so I switched him to dance mode. Now, let's do the macarena." Howard said pressing a button allowing Boyd to dance. "Now, the waltz." He pressed a button again while Boyd danced differently. "And now (and I would've hated myself for not doing this), the robot." Boyd danced the robot dance.
Meanwhile, Doofus gasped realizing the truth. He then turned angrily at Mark Beaks and called for the trap door. Mark's scream echoed as he fell to the honey bin.
"Wow. Who knew it'd be that easy?" Louie asked.
"Uh, Howard," Huey said, "Can you put Boyd back to normal?"
"Sure. As it turns out, the mini-droid has a whole bunch of personalities to choose from." Howard said.
"Well, it looks like we're the only ones left." Lourie said. "Guess we'll be taking our treasure, right, Goldie?"
"About that…" Goldie said walking over to the gift bags. "Sorry, Sharpie, but I think I'll be taking all this for myself."
"WHAT?!" Louie gasped. "But we had a deal! How could you betray me?"
"Because I'm Goldie O'Gilt."
"Yeah, she's done this whole thing before." Della said rolling her eyes. "Best to just let this go, kid."
"But… I… We…" Louie stammered angrily.
"Louie, sweetie, please. It's over."
"On that, we agree." Doofus said as he suddenly appeared beside Howard. He then slapped Mark Beak's phone out of his hands and into his own.
"OW! Hey, what's the big idea?!" Howard asked.
"You said there are multiple personalities in this thing, right?" Doofus asked as he typed in a command that read "KILL".
Just then, Boyd stood up straight with red glowing in his eyes. "Hi. I'm Boyd, a definitely real boy! And I'm going to DESTROY YOU!" Boyd then running after Louie, who ran away from him in terror.
"Hey! Leave him alone!" Della demanded.
"Boyd, don't do this!" Huey cried out.
Boyd didn't listen, though. He just looked over at Huey, Della, and Howard and shot three strands of rope from his mouth. The ropes tied themselves around the three and hung them up from the rafters. All that was left was Goldie, who watched as Boyd shot rope at Louie and hung him up too.
"What are you doing?!" she asked Doofus.
"It's pinata time. I'm the world champion. But I've never hunted the most dangerous pinata—man."
Boyd picked up a baseball bat and swung it around him like a propeller. He stepped closer toward Louie who was panicking for his life while Goldie watched.
"HEY! LET US GO, YOU LITTLE PSYCHO!" Howard demanded.
"BOYD, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS! PLEASE!" Huey pleaded.
Goldie was faced with an impossible choice seeing Boyd get closer and closer to Louie knowing that once he gets close enough, Louie is a goner. Soon enough, she made the right decision at the very last moment.
"STOP!" Goldie yelled getting between Louie and Boyd. She awaited for the bat to hit her, but at that very moment, Boyd stopped swinging the bat and shut down. Doofus approached Goldie with a proud smile.
"You've passed the test." Doofus said. "What a loving parent, willing to sacrifice herself for such a foul child. You've given me a great birthday gift, Llewellyn: a new Guhmeemama!"
"I'm sorry. What?" Goldie asked freaked out.
"What?" Howard asked.
"What?" Della asked.
"What?" Huey asked.
"What?" Louie asked.
"Long reign Goldiemama!" Doofus declared loudly.
"Goldiemama." Doofus' parents whispered softly.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Howard said. "You're really going to just force someone else to be your surrogate parent?"
"Yep, that sounds like Doofus." Louie said.
Doofus grabbed the tablecloth under all the giftbags and wrapped them up in them. He then let everyone else down and gave the cloth full of bags to Louie.
"Take thine bags and go."
"Wait, what about…" Della was about to ask until everyone was launched by springboard traps they were on.
Everyone was launched into the air and landed on the front yard of the Drake house. Everyone groaned as they got up, but as soon as he did, Louie laughed and celebrated finding himself surrounded by treasure.
"I DID IT! I'M A MILLIONAIRE!" Louie cheered.
"Wait!" Huey shouted. "But what about Goldie?"
"What about her?" Louie asked. "You heard her. She was going to run with all the riches."
"So you're just going to just leave her there?" Della asked.
"She got too close. She deserves it." Louie shrugged.
"But Louie, she saved your life." Huey argued. "If she hadn't stepped in, Doofus would've had your brains bashed in."
Louie started to look unsure. "That… That was probably just part of her con… right?"
"I don't know, Louie." Della said. "I've known Goldie for a long time, and she's never done something like that before. I know she was going to betray you, and I get why you want to leave her, but she certainly doesn't deserve to be treated like some museum exhibit."
Howard gasped quietly before thinking about something. He let out a deep breath and turned to Louie. "They're right, Louie. We gotta help her."
"Oh, come on. Not you too, Howard." Louie said.
"Listen to me." Howard said. "Up in the far reaches of space is a dangerous man called the Collector. He takes the rarest things in the entire universe and make them part of his private collection. And it's not just objects. He also treats animals and even people as museum exhibits. And from what I can tell, that's a fate far worse than death."
"Cool story." Louie said. "What does that have to do with us?"
"Well, in this case, Doofus is the Collector. And if he treats Goldie the same way I heard the Collector treats his prisoners, I wouldn't wish that fate on anybody. Like it or not, Goldie needs us. And more importantly, she needs you."
Louie thought for a moment before making a decision he may soon regret.
Ever since throwing everyone out, Doofus had Goldie trapped in a glass container with a chair for her to sit in along with a knitting kit, a bowl of hard candies, and a vinyl scratcher. He sat just outside of the container while his parents watched from the side.
"Tell me a story, Goldiemama." Doofus said.
"Goldiemama." Doofus' parents whispered softly.
"Well, this one time, I was trapped in a dimension where imps jabbed me with a million tiny splinters as they whispered my most devastating failures in my ear." Goldie said. "This is worse."
Doofus laughed. "Good one! Tell me another."
Before another word could possibly be said, everyone heard the door get kicked open. Louie, Huey, Howard, and Della barged into the house.
"Party's over, Doofus!" Louie said slamming the giftbags down to the ground. "Set Goldie free."
"She's mine, you hear!" Doofus yelled turning to his parents. "Minions, attack!"
"Hey, you two, why do you put up with him?" Della asked. "You're his parents. You're supposed to be responsible for him. That doesn't mean let him turn into a bratty baby who thinks it's okay to kidnap people."
"But we don't have a choice." Mr. Drake said. "He controls our finance."
"Parents give an allowance to their children, not the other way around." Howard said. "You gotta set an example to both your sons."
"Both?" everyone in the Drake family asked.
"Oh, yeah. Take a look at what Doofus left in one of the giftbags." Howard pulled out Mark Beaks' phone and pressed a button on the screen. That was before Boyd flew in from out of nowhere and landed in front of everyone. He then used his laser eyes to cut a hole in Goldie's glass cage setting her free.
"What is the meaning of this?" Doofus asked.
"It's like this." Howard said. "You don't really need another Guhmeemama."
"Guhmee…"
"Cut it out, you two." Howard said to Mr. and Mrs. Drake. "Anyway, Doofus, you need a peer. A kid to be close to. A friend who will share everything with you. So from now on, Boyd is your new brother. Happy birthday."
"Wait, what?" Doofus gasped as Howard finished inputting the new program into his phone.
Boyd stepped close to Mr. and Mrs. Drake and gave them childlike, wonderful eyes. "Mommy? Daddy?"
Mrs. Drake, full of heartfelt emotion along with her husband, got on her knees and brought Boyd close in a hug. "Come here, son."
"NO! NO! YOU WILL OBEY ME!" Doofus shouted. "I'LL CUT OFF YOUR MONEY!"
"Don't worry." Boyd said. "I'll transfer half of Guhmeemama's money out of Doofus' account and into mine. After all, she was my Guhmeemama too."
"WHAT?! NO! SHE WAS MY GUHMEEMAMA!" Doofus shouted looking at Boyd in anger. "You sentimental toaster!"
"Don't you speak to your brother that way." Mrs. Drake said. "You're grounded, indefinitely!"
Doofus gasped in horror. "He's not even my brother!" His words fell on deaf ears as his parents led Boyd away finally happy that they are free.
"Hey, Boyd," Huey yelled, "If you'd like, we can hang out later! You know, they're always looking for new Junior Woodchucks!"
"Sounds fun! See you there, Huey!" Boyd said as he left.
Doofus growled before turning his hate-filled eyes at Howard. "You'll pay for this! And your little family too!"
"Take your tantrum to someone who cares." Howard laughed as Doofus ran off. He then turned to Della. "What do you think?"
"I think you did pretty good." Della said.
"Well, if there's anything I've learned after spending time with you guys, it's that family is the answer to everything." Howard laughed.
"Well, now that all that's settled, we can take Goldie and our gift bags and go." Louie said.
"Uh, Louie," Huey said nervously, "About your gift bags…"
Louie gasped once he turned and realized that all the gift bags were gone, and so was Goldie.
"NOOOOOOOO!"
"I GOT IN TOO DEEP! I HAD THE MONEY! I WAS IN THE CLEAR!" Louie shouted as soon as he and the others returned home. He broke down in tears just as Scrooge walked in.
"Crocodile's waterworks?" Scrooge asked.
"Goldie." Louie replied.
"Yeah, that woman stole all the money that she and Louie were planning to take." Howard explained.
"Yeah, she's a crafty one." Della said.
"Ah, I see." Scrooge said. "I'd say you get used to it, but that'd be a lie."
"I thought I found someone who really got me." Louie said. "We had a connection."
"When you spend all your time looking for an angle, it's hard to see what's in front of your face." Scrooge said. "And that doesn't make her too sharp, eh, lad?"
"But why did she save me?" Louie asked.
"Maybe she let you get close too." Scrooge said.
Louie smiled at the thought of that. "Thanks."
"Hey, everyone," Howard said, "May I have some… private time with Louie."
"Okay then." Scrooge said.
"Hey, Huey, you wanna finally play 'Legends of Legend Quest'? Della asked.
"I've been waiting all day for that." Huey said.
Once everyone was gone, Howard shared a seat next to Louie. There was a moment of silence before Howard sighed and pulled something out of his suit.
"Here." he said handing Louie a bag full of treasure. The green triplet gasped quietly looking at the treasure.
"You… wha… How?" Louie asked.
"I may have sneaked one of the gift bags out of the load before you decided to trade them all for Goldie. I mean, she did owe me a gift bag." Howard said. "Consider it an investment in Louie Incorporated."
"This… This is amazing." Louie said happily. "But… why?"
"You said you thought Goldie was the only one who understood you." Howard said. "Well… consider it my way of saying that she isn't. Maybe I understand you better than you think."
With a smile, Louie jumped onto Howard and hugged him. Howard, after a moment, hugged him back. Once they were done, Howard stood back up and walked away while Louie counted his treasure. It may not have been close to over $400 million, but it was good enough for him.
As soon as Howard was lone, he realized something that both surprised and saddened him. He sat in a chair on his lonesome and sighed.
"Oh, my goodness. I'm getting too close too."