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September 20th, X778

One look at Levy's guilt-stricken expression told Lucy everything she needed to know about how their search in the nearby town had gone. That's not good, Lucy thought as Natsu stepped aside to let the pair of gods in. Gajeel carried a duffel bag that he'd not had before, seemingly half-filled with supplies, but a mere glance told Lucy that it wasn't much they'd need or want to use.

"I think Erigor had the town raided," admitted Levy, taking the bag from Gajeel. He willingly handed it over. "I didn't think about it, and I should have." She unzipped the bag and offered it to Lucy. Wendy and Natsu peered over Lucy's shoulder. There were a few items of clothing, including a nice-quality coat that caught Lucy's attention, and a few cans, but not much else.

Drawing the coat from the bag as Wendy tore into it, desperate to find something useful for her medical supplies, Lucy shook it out and eyed it. "Can I take the coat?" she asked Wendy without taking her eyes off it. "I don't…really want to wear my other one anymore. As nice and clean as it is." She'd hardly left the cabin because of that coat. Everytime she put it on, she thought of how it had been ripped from her arms.

"Nothing?" Wendy said with such disappointment that even Gajeel flinched, hardly hearing Lucy's question. "You guys found nothing?"
"I'm sorry." Levy wound her fingers together unhappily. "We really, truly looked, Wendy."

Though Lucy was still uncertain of Levy, having not really spoken with her just yet after everything that had happened, Lucy gave her a small, reassuring smile. "It's not your fault. We should have thought of the fact that Erigor might have raided the area regardless. At least you found something nicer to wear than you had before, Levy." She nodded at Levy's new outfit. The springtime goddess had found a simple pair of leggings and an orange blouse to wear.

Levy beamed down at her clothes. It took such a small thing to give her joy. Lucy's heart ached for what she must have endured at the hands of someone like Erigor.

"Still…I was hoping for at least some more gauze." Wendy sighed, abandoning her search to sit on the bed, looking a little glum. Lucy shook her head, unsurprised by the fact that Levy and Gajeel hadn't found anything. As much as Lucy hated Erigor for what he'd done to her, he was a smart man. It didn't surprise her that he'd had such important things stolen from the nearest town, likely in bulk. "Or something to help you sleep, Lucy."

Lucy winced. It wasn't pain that kept her awake much of the time. Mostly, it was nightmares again, more vivid than those she'd had following the incident with Jerome. Jerome even played a part in her nightmares, on the rare occasion. She'd had terrifying dreams where both he and Erigor were present. They scared the hell out of her. "I'll figure something else out, Wendy," she reassured, and then slipped her arms into the new coat to try it on, cautious of her injuries. It was a little large, but the coat fit well enough to keep her warm.

After they'd finished checking out the news things brought back for them and tossing aside what they wouldn't take, Lucy began packing them into their bags. Gajeel, watching closely, made her jump when he suddenly rumbled, "You three are leavin' then, huh?"

The way he spoke…Lucy knew it meant he and Levy wouldn't be coming with them. She found she was more than okay with that, though the feeling was immediately followed by guilt. She hated her conflicting emotions about the pair of gods. It was neither of their faults, but at the same time…she couldn't bring herself to even glance at Levy without seeing that blood-stained bowl–

Natsu's voice broke her from her spiraling thoughts. "We're gonna go visit Igneel." He threw his arm around Lucy's neck with a broad grin, dragging her close to his side. Lucy squawked at the stab of pain that raced through her, and he immediately lessened his grip, muttering an apology.

"...you're fuckin' with me." Gajeel's pierced brows lifted. "You can't be serious, Salamander."

"What?" demanded Lucy, even as Wendy snapped her head around, caught off guard. Lucy winced. They'd not told her their plans to do that just yet. Oops. "What's wrong with going to visit Igneel, Gajeel?"

Levy's lips twitched and she ran a hand through her blue hair. "There's nothing wrong with it, really. It's just…Igneel hasn't woken up in the last six centuries. Before that, it had been eight. He's choosing to remain asleep for longer and longer periods of time. It's not that there's anything wrong with you visiting Igneel, Natsu," she added when his eyes narrowed irritably at her, "more that it's not likely he'll even be awake to visit with."

Natsu shrugged, though Lucy could see some uncertainty he hid as he averted his gaze, instead letting it brush over the scarf Lucy wore. "So?" he muttered. "It doesn't matter. He'll know. He always knows."

Lucy patted the arm slung around her shoulders before sliding free of his grip and removing her new coat, gently tossing it at her bag. She was confident that she was as packed as she could be. "We'll leave tomorrow morning," she told Wendy and Natsu. "If you guys are up for it."

"Sounds good to me," agreed Natsu.

Wendy bit her lip. "Can we find Grandeeney, too?" she asked, voice trembling. "I want to visit her, too."

Lucy's face softened, and she didn't hesitate to promise, "Of course we can." It was only fair – though Lucy wasn't sure how they were meant to visit a spirit that dwelled in the wind. Then again, she'd never been sure how to look at someone who was apparently the literal sun, yet here she was.

They spent much of the remainder of the day planning their route to Mount Hakobe, their collection of maps surrounding them on the floor. Lucy and Natsu sat side-by-side, discussing it seriously, with Wendy, Levy, and even Gajeel offering suggestions from various places that they'd settled in around the cabin. Lucy considered them lucky that the mountain they sought was only, perhaps, two weeks at most on foot. Lucy couldn't say her estimation abilities were the best, but she was as confident as she could get about this particular one.

The hard part would be the weather. Even now, snow drifted down, sprinkling the earth in a gentle white dusting. It clearly intended to linger for the next few months – quite possibly even longer. When she'd noticed that, Lucy had gone to check their boots. They weren't in the best condition, considering that they'd been used daily for hard hiking for months, but hopefully they'd suffice until they found something better.

It was after a late, small lunch that Natsu disappeared outside with Wendy to practice some of the runes Levy had been teaching them to use. Lucy was surprised when Gajeel, after a quick exchange of glances with Levy, followed them out. Levy hovered hesitantly by the door to the cabin, wringing her fingers. Lucy grew wary, even more so when she realized Levy had likely planned this with him in order to speak in private with her.

Hoping to break the awkward tension forming rather quickly, Lucy said drily, "For someone who's a literal goddess, you look like you think I'm going to eat you alive." They were both very aware that if Levy wanted, she could kill Lucy without a single issue. Well, mostly. Natsu would be rather displeased if she chose to do that.

Levy winced, a light grimace flickering over her face. "I'm sorry," she said. "I was trying to figure out how to word what I want to say to you."

So they were going to have the conversation Lucy had been dreading. Wonderful. Lucy shifted her weight, biting her lip. She wasn't entirely sure she wanted to have it at all. For one, her feelings towards Levy were still rather conflicted. She didn't blame Levy for what had happened to her. At the same time…Levy had held a knife to her throat – a knife Lucy was fairly sure she still carried, because she could have sworn she'd seen Levy use it to carve some of the protective runes into the wood of the cabin they'd been staying in. She'd led Erigor straight to them, putting them all in danger even if it hadn't been her choice.

Maybe "conflicted" was too light a word to describe how Lucy felt towards Levy.

Clearing her throat, Levy squared her shoulders and seemed to brace herself as if preparing for a fight. She lifted her chin, flower crown seeming to wither as she said in the most sincere way, "I'm truly sorry for what happened, Lucy. I know I am to blame at least in part. Had I not gotten myself trapped, it never would have happened, and…and I know how frightening it is to be in that situation." When Lucy gave her a somewhat doubtful look, Levy gave her a bitter smile and tipped her chin up, showing Lucy a scar Lucy hadn't noticed before.

It was a nasty, vicious scar. It stretched from ear to ear. Lucy knew what it meant, even before Levy said quietly, "We had to lose our lives to become what we are now. You must know that by now. When I was still human and around your age, the cold seasons got too long. The plants we relied on didn't grow, and because they wouldn't grow, the wildlife disappeared. My people were starving. They grew desperate. It drove them to choose someone to sacrifice to our gods, in the hopes that the warm weather would return and with it, their food sources. I fought, too, but it did me little good."

Lucy stared at her, eyes wide. Levy truly knew what it felt like to sit there, unable to do anything as the people around you planned to take your life in exchange for something else. Her stomach churned. "What…what happened afterwards?"

Levy snorted. "I was angry. I know it wasn't all of them though. There were a select few who were the driving force behind it; the rest were simply swept up in their fear and desperation. They tried to hide from me, using runes they learned from the elders, who'd walked among the old gods. I learned them, too. Then I ensured they couldn't sacrifice anyone else for their gain."

Levy winced, looking guilty. "I shouldn't have, and I wouldn't repeat my decision if given the chance. It…I regret what I did in my anger. Jellal still hasn't been able to find those souls – I doubt he ever will, seeing as they're older than both of us. As for the rest of my people… It worked, I suppose. With what I became, I was forced to give them what they'd sacrificed me for."

Lucy's head spun. She wrapped her arms around herself. "Did they ever do it again?"

Levy was quiet a moment too long, which was answer enough. After thinking it over, she said softly, "My people were lovers of knowledge. We loved to learn new things, even as we loved the old ways more. They learned through me that a sacrifice would bring the world back into tune, so that's what they chose to do when things went sideways. I always ensured the ones selected were my Favored, if only so I could be with them when their lives were stolen from them – so they weren't alone like I was." Her gaze warmed suddenly as she offered Lucy a hesitant smile. "Had you not been Natsu's Favored, I'd have marked you as my own when things went so badly. Don't tell him though, I don't think he'd like to hear that."

Lucy couldn't help the quiet laugh that slipped from her lips. She didn't think he'd like that at all. She considered Levy and what she'd learned about the springtime goddess who'd nearly killed her under the orders of another. She was still cautious around her. Lucy didn't think there would be a time when she could look at Levy and not think of all the bad things that had happened to her. She didn't think she could truly dislike her, however. In fact–

Slowly, Lucy spoke, unsure if what she wanted to say was something Levy might take offense to, "I think if we'd met under different circumstances, we'd have been very good friends, Levy."

Levy's smile widened. "I think so, too," she said, echoing Lucy's own words.

Lucy took a breath and then, tucking a loose strand of blonde hair behind her ear, offered, "You could…you could come with us, if you want. I know it would mean Natsu would have to learn to behave himself better around Gajeel, but…"

Levy's smile faltered then. She shifted as Lucy had when their conversation had begun, her eyes averted from Lucy's. "As much as I appreciate the offer and wish I could accept it, I think I've had enough of humans for a while." She was apologetic, yet her voice was raw with the pain she likely kept hidden from even Gajeel. "As you said, Lucy. If we'd met under different circumstances. I think Gajeel and I are going to find somewhere quiet to rest. Perhaps we can find something you couldn't about Valhalla while we're at it."

"I understand." Lucy was unsurprised, though she had to admit she'd not thought of that – that Levy might be as conflicted about Lucy as Lucy was about her. Lucy didn't blame her. Just as Lucy looked at her and remembered the terror and pain she'd suffered, Levy likely looked at Lucy and recalled just as many bad things. Lucy would have guessed she might have endured even more than she had.

A shout outside drew a snort from Levy. "Natsu's annoying Gajeel again. I'll go join them to ensure they don't draw any unnecessary attention to the area. Besides, I can probably do more to help him than Gajeel could."

"Probably," agreed Lucy. "I'll be out in a bit. I just want to pack up the maps." She gestured to their small collection, which had been left out. She winced as the gesture tugged at her wounds. "Maybe redo some of my bandages while I'm at it."

"Do you want me to send Wendy in?" offered Levy.

Lucy shook her head. "Thanks, but no. I don't want her to worry any more than she already has. And if you do, Natsu will tag along and make it a whole thing. Just tell them I'll be out in a bit."

Levy nodded, offering Lucy one more smile. It was the brightest Lucy had seen on her face since they'd met, as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Lucy suspected that the weight had been a heavy one, as guilt often was. Regardless, with a small hum, Levy hurried from the cabin, closing the door gently behind her.

Alone, Lucy slumped. Levy's story had been a lot to take in, and had admittedly dredged up a few things she didn't want to think about. Regardless, it was good to hear that at least someone knew how she felt, even if Levy was part of the reason she'd almost been "sacrificed." As much as she loved Natsu and Wendy, she didn't think they understood what she felt like Levy did. Of course, the realization didn't fix anything, but it made Lucy feel a lot better than she had before the conversation.

With careful hands, Lucy folded up their maps and tucked them into her bag. She liked to ensure they were safe. Natsu did his best, but he so often forgot to be careful with the wet and snow, and Lucy wasn't sure if they'd be so lucky as to get another set of maps. She did a quick checkover of the others' things, wondering if Levy and Gajeel would leave when they did or they'd leave during the night. She paused only to snag Wendy's first-aid supplies.

And then, Lucy went to work on peeling the bandages from her arms. Lucy muttered curses under her breath. Wendy would scold her later for not letting her do it, but Lucy found she didn't like the sympathetic looks Wendy gave her. Nor did Lucy like the look on Natsu's face when he caught sight of her injuries. Neither should have felt responsible for her wounds, though she knew they did.

It was neither of their faults, and Lucy was determined to get back to taking care of herself.

Lucy did her best to clean up her arms and wind fresh bandages around them. It wasn't as good as Wendy's work, but she thought did a fairly good job. She was relieved to find the nasty wound on her wrist wasn't as bad as it had seemed. It simply looked sore now.

Arms tended to and wincing at the twinge in her neck from craning her head, Lucy unwound Natsu's scarf, folded it up neatly on the bed, and dragged the first-aid kit to the bathroom to use the mirror and clean up the wound on her neck, too. Wendy had forgotten it for the first few clean-ups of her arms, but a reminder from Natsu had Wendy adding it into her regular check-ups. Lucy had reassured her that it was alright when Wendy had guiltily apologized for it; after all, the wounds on her arms were far worse than the small scratch on her neck.

Lucy set up what she needed and then turned to look at her reflection. She winced. Her hair was a greasy mess, and Lucy made a mental note to see if she could clean herself up before they set out, even if it was in a bath of freezing cold water. There was a tub, at least, thought Lucy, though she cringed at the nasty old cracked thing. Maybe she could find a way to heat the water. Natsu might be able to help her somehow.

As she leaned in to check how bad the bags beneath her eyes were, Lucy felt another sharp sting of pain and hissed under her breath. She was quick to forget them, instead tipping her chin to peer at the scratch on her throat. She furrowed her brow somewhat at the sight of it. Her arms hadn't looked nearly as red and sore, and they were worse by far.

With care, Lucy manipulated herself as close as she could get to the mirror so she could get a better look, but it didn't help the sinking in her gut. What had once been a small cut was now inflamed, no longer healing as it should. The skin beside it was hot to the touch when Lucy felt it.

Lucy hadn't worked in the world of healthcare before the Fall. She'd not taken an interest afterwards either, not like Wendy. It didn't mean she was oblivious, however. How often had her mother gently scolded her for the scrapes on her knees as she cleaned them out, warning of potential infections? How much more dangerous were such things in a world where she couldn't just waltz into a hospital with access to a doctor who'd be able to clean it out properly and offer strong antibiotics?

Lucy stepped back from the mirror, eyeing the spot on her neck with a grim look.

"Fuck."

I can't let anyone have peace. I live for their suffering. ;) Don't worry. There's some cute things in there, too.

I've been on a roll. Another big event that's been planned for years is coming. I'm so excited.

Fun fact: in the original planning for Starfall, my wonderful friend Bubbles and I initially had Sting and Rogue as gods. Rogue was meant to become a god through attempting to defend Levy when she was sacrificed by her community. Clearly, that changed.

Thanks to reviewers (xennia-x, Guest #1, Meow Orbit, Sir Sasquatch, Sele de la Luna, Slayer Queen Dragneel, nerdalertwarning, kayritooo, & XxStar'sDustxX!) as well as those who favorited and followed!