(A/N): We're back with Elaine, Remus, and Dahrya, in the aftermath of Remus accidentally revealing to Dahrya that Elaine is an animagus.

Trigger Warnings: Lots of mentions of self-harm, a few passing mentions of death/murder, and a reference or two to suicide (non-serious talk of someone jumping off a bridge, which is taken seriously for reasons the person speaking doesn't know about, plus Elaine relating something to her and Leo's shared dream). Sort of an external discussion of depression? Like, 'outside looking in' on depression?

Elaine

I shot a glare at Remus, and he gave me an incredibly sheepish shrug in return. "What?" He asked weakly, rhetorically. "I forgot she didn't know. It's not like she doesn't know just about everything else- and if she knows the reason for it, then..." He trailed off, but I knew what he meant. 'She knows I'm a werewolf, so... why hide it?'

"Thanks," Dahrya grumbled, but I had the feeling it was more genuine than she was letting on. "So, who else? I mean, if it was for Lupin, then I'm guessing those other loveable idiots are involved-" James and Sirius, at least, would be absolutely delighted that she'd deemed them 'loveable', even if it had been followed by 'idiots'. Peter would probably just be glad she wasn't actively actively planning to kill them- of course, judging by her earlier admission, she didn't have to be actively planning anything, to still have murder on the mind. "-which means they need a -somewhat- responsible individual to watch over them while Lupin is... indisposed." A rather polite way to avoid saying, 'while he's all wolfed-out'. "I'd hazard a guess that Elaine is probably capable of doing so on her own-" Her faith was unexpected, and touching. "-but knowing Leo as well as I do," She shot me a look, clearly referencing her previous explanation of Leo's feelings for me, and I couldn't help my blush- couldn't help noticing the way her pupils dilated as she tracked the development keenly, either. "He wouldn't let you have to do that sort of thing by yourself, if he could help it." Well... she wasn't wrong.

"Yes, Leo, too." She nodded. "He- He was first." She didn't show any outward signs of being surprised, but somehow, I could tell she was. "We both started researching in first year; he came back for third year, and he'd done it. He refused to give me any extra guidance, at first- saying only one of us needed to do it- put ourselves in danger-" I shot Remus an apologetic look, and almost missed Dahrya's eye roll. She knew as well as I did that Leo wouldn't have said the same thing if I had been the one to complete the transformation first. "-but once I pushed his hand a bit, he gave in." This eye roll was impossible to miss, and she made an annoyed, almost disgusted sound.

"Of course he did," She said, practically scoffing. "It's you. You could ask him to jump off a bridge and he'd do it without question." I flinched at that- the thought of Leo on the edge of a structure like that, especially so soon after what I had seen in my dream. He'd fallen then, too- into water, and the fall had rapidly become the least concerning part of it, but still. And... knowing what he'd been up to recently- what he did to himself when we weren't watching him carefully enough... It was a painful thought all around. Dahrya eyed me oddly. "You know Leo, he's a bit of a people pleaser in general, but..." She trailed off, biting her lip.

Remus shook his head slowly, obviously aware of the fact that I wasn't quite ready to talk yet. "Leo's not a people pleaser," He said, and Dahrya's eyebrow quirked up as if she didn't believe him- and maybe suddenly thought he was a bit daft. "He doesn't like upsetting people, sure, and he likes making the people he cares about happy, but outside of that- when he doesn't care about someone, he doesn't care about doing what they want him to. He does what Elaine wants because he loves her. He does what Lily wants, because he loves her. He doesn't do what Random McRandomperson wants him to, because he doesn't care about them."

I frowned, and Remus started to look a little unsure of himself, upon seeing my reaction. He tilted his head at me, asking what was wrong without having to say anything, and I sighed quietly. "You're not wrong, I just... wish he'd do what he wanted, a bit more." His brow creased and his mouth screwed up, pulling the end of his nose off center.

"I thought that was the problem," He said, clearly referring to Leo's desire to hurt himself, and I shook my head.

"Leo doesn't hurt the people he cares about." It was a simple statement, and I saw Remus's eyebrows twitch downward slightly- more confused than before- only for them to shoot up a second later, then return to a perfectly average position as he schooled his features to hide his realisation from Dahrya.

Or try to, anyway, since Dahrya crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes at him. "I can literally smell your emotions, loup-garou," She reminded him, and he winced. "Your attempts at subtlety are more annoying than they are endearing, and I'd recommend staying off of my last nerve, if I were you." I could practically hear Remus's thoughts- 'more annoying than endearing means it's still a little endearing, though... right?' She turned to me, eyes sharp. "What's your point?"

Oh, Merlin... what to say to that? What could I say, that would get Dahrya off my back, and still keep Leo's secret? I hated to admit it, but I kind of missed the days where I'd been preoccupied trying to keep Leo's vampirism a secret from the others- at least that hadn't been a problem of his own making. "It's... complicated." Remus shot me a look, confused as to why I hadn't even tried to give her the brush off. "If I said it was nothing you would just call me out for lying, so there isn't any point in trying, beyond making you even angrier with me." She nodded firmly, and Remus looked like he understood better now. "I can't tell you. Not without- Leo wouldn't be happy about it, and that's not-" 'Not a good idea right now' was what I'd been about to say, but Dahrya took my pause as something else entirely.

"Not what you want. You want him to be happy- I... I do, too," She admitted hesitantly, and I wished I could bottle the moment to show it to Leo when he got back. "He's been different lately," She said quietly, and I tried to prevent my head from snapping up at that- even if I knew she could undoubtedly smell my surprise and apprehension anyway. Remus, however, was a lot less subtle, almost tipping over at the news and only managing to stabilise himself by gripping Dahrya's shoulder again. I heard her suck in a breath at the gesture, before quickly shaking her head as if trying to physically shake off the sensation- but not his hand, which was the root cause. "Since the start of the school year, he's been a bit-" She visibly struggled to find to the words to describe what she'd noticed. "I dunno," She mumbled. "He smells different." Oh, Merlin. Different how? Different like he'd changed shampoo, or different like he'd changed on a fundamental level? Or different like he wasn't him? It wouldn't be the first time- maybe Jerremyah had started planting seeds earlier than I'd thought, and- "Sadder."

...oh. I didn't think I'd ever heard Dahrya sound so miserable- unhappy, yes, but that usually erred on the side of anger, not- not this. Remus must have heard it too, because he slid his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into a one-sided, one-armed hug in an attempt to comfort her. I wasn't sure whether it was working, but I could have sworn I saw a blush start to bloom high on her cheeks. "We're- we're aware," I told her quietly, and as the thickness of my voice- thick with unshed tears- registered with her, she eyed me warily... but not aggressively, which was rare for her, especially during this conversation.

She stared at me for a minute or two, as if trying to study me- my reaction- but every time I attempted to talk, to dissuade her from looking too far into it, my voice got stuck in my throat. For his part, I think Remus was giving us room to compose ourselves- knowing that neither of us handled being upset in front of other people very well- but I wish he would've said something, before Dahrya's accursedly sharp mind finally put it all together. "Leo doesn't hurt the people he cares about," She said slowly, and before I could force myself to speak up and stop her, she followed it up with, "Leo does whatever the people he cares about want him to, and you wish he did what he wanted to, which infers that you think Leo doesn't care about himself." Uh oh, uh oh, uh- "You think Leo doesn't care about himself, because- because he hurts himself." Her eyes met mine and I could see the pain there, before she turned to Remus, whose grimace was probably only slightly less damning than whatever expression was on my face right now, I'm sure. "I'm right... aren't I?"

Remus jaw worked lamely for a second. "I-" He started in a croak, then quickly cut himself off and tried again, with more strength- even if it was still a little raspy. "I can neither confirm nor deny-"

She smacked him on the front of his shoulder in a manner I assumed was meant to be light, but after she started talking again, I saw him rub the spot as if it had hurt more than she'd intended. "Cut the crap, Lupin, you know I can tell when you're lying-" She paused for a second, before a slow, almost sinister grin spread across her lips. "Oh, clever boy," She practically purred, and suddenly, Remus looked like he wanted to run from her- which was a reaction I don't think I'd ever seen from him before. The wolf didn't like turning its back on a threat, after all. "Can't lie if you don't give me a definite answer, right?" He nodded warily, almost fearfully, and her grin only grew. "Wrong." Uh oh. "Truth is, I didn't really need to ask- the second I finished my hypothesis, you both got this look on your face... not to mention the smell. Do you even realise how relieved you both are right now?"

Honestly, no. If there was any relief in my body right now- and I trusted Dahrya's senses enough to know that there almost certainly was- then... I wasn't feeling it on any conscious level. In fact, what I was feeling most right now was guilt- and judging by the look on his face, I knew Remus was experiencing much the same thing. "Dahrya," I began, then hesitated, knowing she likely wouldn't respond to my request well- especially given the irony of it. I had to try anyway, though, so I took a deep breath and pushed forward. "I need you not to mention this to Leo until he gets back. I know you're mad at him, currently, but-"

"Done."

I blinked. "I- what?" She shrugged nonchalantly, but it looked tighter than I think she wanted it to.

"That's not the type of thing I'd bring up out of the blue, especially in a letter," She said rather simply, and I felt myself soften a little at that. I would've thought, if anything, she might only keep quiet as revenge for keeping her father's identity a secret from her, but this was- "Also, he is sort of doing the same thing to me, so, y'know... payback." And there it was.

(A/N): Fun fact - Dahrya wasn't meant to actually find out. The conversation was meant to go a different way, but as it often does, the flow of the dialogue and the characters themselves were tugging me in a different direction, so I went with it, and this happened. The other thing will still happen at some point, it's just the 'when' that's still up in the air.

Also, one of my biggest regrets with this series is the fact that I made Leo and Elaine become animagi before the Marauders (and also having Leo and Elaine choose the Marauders nicknames, because on top of being cringe, it just feels sort of... detracting from their relationship). I feel like it really made the Marauders feel less capable than they are in canon, and while obviously we know they could have done it on their own (because they did in canon), in this story they had Leo and Elaine help them, which I feel relegated them to sort of like... 'hey, we're here too! Help us do that thing we're meant to accomplish on our own!' Not only did it feel kind of shoehorn-y (I mean, a lot of things do, especially in the earlier section of the story, because I was trying to integrate Leo in a way where he couldn't be easily removed) but again, it just felt kind of reductive. I had a similar problem with the way I portrayed Peter sometimes, but I do enjoy certain parts of how I wrote him (standing by his friends- when he found out Leo was a vampire the same time Remus did, but stuck by him without saying anything and pretended not to know in order to stay with Lily so she didn't feel left out- and being brave, maybe even braver than some other characters at certain points- like when he put himself between Remus and the others, when Remus attacked them in wolf form on that first full moon where they all found out what he was). I'm trying to be better about that (and not make him the dumb, useless one, as he is commonly portrayed sometimes), and I have some plans to make him more likeable (basically, the job all Marauders era writers are trying to accomplish, where we make it clear why people as 'COOL' as James and Sirius- and Remus- like someone as 'WEAK' and 'LAME' as Peter). Anyway, this isn't the place for that, but I just wanted to discuss my regrets a little, because even if there were things I COULDN'T have gotten right at the time (like the animagus transformation process, Sirius's birthday, or James's parents names- because JKR literally hadn't told us any of those things when I first wrote them) I could've gone a different way with my portrayal of THOSE things, and I wish I had. Unfortunately, it's a bit late now, though.

(I think the reason, in this universe, Leo and Elaine became animagi before James, Sirius, and Peter is because- well, other than the fact that Leo and Elaine don't exist in canon, obviously- James, Sirius, Peter, and Lily either didn't find out Remus was a werewolf until later in their school years- which I doubt, other than Lily- or they did, and simply didn't consider becoming animagi until Remus's transformations got worse as he aged, and by the time they did consider it, they were a few years behind where Leo and Elaine would've been in terms of research, since Remus says it took them the better part of three years, and they managed the transformation in fifth year [based on my quick google search]. It took Leo and Elaine two years, but Leo had help, and obviously, A, I play fast and loose with canon, and B, again, the transformation process wasn't known when I wrote that part of the story, so how was I to know they did it really fast? I also think Leo and Elaine did it faster because they started in first year, while their course load was way lighter, so they worked on it pretty much 24/7, which the Marauders couldn't. They also had Remus's help, which I think he would've been a bit more reluctant about in canon, since Leo wasn't part of it- and he was more inclined to help Leo become an animagus because he already knew from experience that if Leo wanted to help him on the full moon he would, animagus form or not, and he'd been far MORE likely to hurt him in 'human' form. I think James, Sirius, and Peter could've completed the transformation sooner, seeing as the ritual only 'allows you to slip into your true form once you're ready' (based on my transformation process, not canon, obviously), they just weren't willing to risk trying without being sure.)

Loveable vs lovable = Lovable is the US spelling, loveable is UK, and Australia uses both, but predominantly loveable.

Random McRandomperson = Just a random person with no name, but I thought it was funny that 'Random McRandomperson' is the name Remus came up with, given the meme about his name basically being 'Wolf Mcwolf'.

Loup-Garou = French werewolf (possible reference to Dahrya being Greygorry's daughter, given the French variation she uses, hm?). I also thought this was a particularly funny time to use it, because like Remus Lupin meaning 'Wolf McWolf', Loup means wolf, and Garou means werewolf, so Loup-Garou is basically wolf-werewolf (or Wolf McWerewolf).

Elaine: 'I wished I could bottle the moment to show it to Leo when he got back'.

Me: 'Hmm... how prevalent ARE Pensieves, in universe?'

(Answer = apparently very rare, so that's probably not ever going to happen. Probably. Then again... hm. I could see a way it could happen, eventually- far, FAR in the future... so I guess it's not completely out of the question)