Chapter 7: Erza

It was slow going on the way back that evening to say the least. The sun was well on its way towards the horizon by the time we ran down the last of the counterfeiters and handed them over to the local guard. I'd forced myself to keep going and used my telepathy to help Natsu pinpoint the fleeing rats while Lucy watched my back and in short order we'd finished. Rare indeed is the person who can outrun a divebombing Happy carrying a payload of Goomba-Stomping Natsu.

I've never been happier for the purple boar cart taxis to exist because I could barely put one foot in front of the other. It was only my stubborn pride that kept me from falling flat on my face and having to get Natsu and Lucy to help me walk. They were clearly worried and I felt a little bad about it, but I footed the bill to get us back, so I think it evened out. Normally Lucy and I would fly on my Card-car and Happy would carry Natsu to wherever we were going. With Happy being exhausted from toting Natsu around for their aerial battle and both of them tired from chasing down the remaining counterfeiters, Natsu was actually almost ready to try my Card-car. If only I'd still had enough fuel in my own tank to actually use it!

"Sorry Natsu," I groaned as I flopped back onto the bench in the side of the wagon, "I don't think I'm gonna be flyin' anybody anywhere for at least a few hours yet."

"Nah, don't be," Natsu grimaced as he climbed in, "Lucy got me a bucket and I haven't eaten anything today, so maybe it won't be as bad as…hrk…" he immediately hung his head over the bucket between his feet and proved that even 'not as bad' was still not 'good'.

"What's wrong with those two?" the cab driver asked Lucy over his shoulder.

"Well Jerry pushed himself way too hard today and Natsu just gets motion sick," Lucy explained, "He says it's a Dragon Slayer thing."

"Dragon Slayer huh? I didn't know there were any of those still around," the driver mused, "but anyway, where y'all headed to this evening?"

"We live in Magnolia."

The driver pinched the bridge of his nose, "Hooo…that's a ways off ya know? It's a six hour ride, so with it being this late already, we probably won't make it tonight, and we'd be getting there in the middle of the night even if we did. There's a good inn at Balsam Village. That's about halfway to Magnolia. Would that be alright?"

"Sooner we stop the betturrr…" Natsu almost managed to finish a sentence.

I dug in my pocket and yanked out a card to hand to Lucy, "Sounds good to me. Lucy, would you call Gramps and let him know we won't be in until tomorrow? I think I'll be able to fly by then."

Lucy nodded and paid the driver before looking back at me as we rolled on, "How's this work?"

"Push your magic into it to energize it, it'll link you straight to him," I explained before smiling thinly, "Cana showed me how to do that a few days ago."

Lucy did and a moment later Master picked up, "Hello? Is that you Jerry? Everyone alright over there?"

"It's actually Lucy right now," Lucy clarified, "Yeah everyone's fine but those counterfeiters put up a way better fight than we were expecting. Jerry's totally worn out and doesn't trust himself to fly us, so we're coming back by wagon. We're going to spend the night in Balsam Village, but we should make it back sometime tomorrow."

"Nobody's hurt right?" Master asked worriedly.

"It was close, but we're all fine," I forced out, "Need…" I yawned, "Need to sleep…Hey guys, would you wake me up when we get there?" I didn't hear their answer as my eyes slid shut. It had been a long day.

…

…

I slept for twenty hours straight and still felt like I hadn't slept a wink. I woke up starving and if I hadn't been slumped over the counter at the Guild Hall where Master and Mira could keep an eye on me, I probably would've gone right back to sleep hungry. I had to push myself upright and support myself on the bar with my elbows to blearily eat the sandwich Mira slid in front of me a few minutes after realizing I was awake.

If I hadn't been so tired that I was having to force myself to concentrate in order to chew, I probably would've scarfed it down like every bit the starving man I felt like. It was delicious. The taste didn't overstay its welcome, it wasn't overpowering, so even though I was having to chew slow, it was still perfect. Mira got it exactly right, the peppers she'd thrown in even woke me up enough to talk a little.

Master asked how my head was and explained that once the throbbing headache faded it meant I was recovering. If my head was still throbbing then it meant I was still in the absolute red danger zone for my magic power and that if I had that sort of headache due to magic exhaustion then it meant every second I used magic I was creeping closer to tapping into my own life force. "It can shave years off your life, but if your head's not still hurting then you're probably alright. However, you definitely pushed yourself much too far this time. Anytime you still feel this bad after a full night's sleep, you definitely pushed yourself too far."

I nodded weakly, my head felt way too full of cotton to even consider arguing that it had been necessary. Besides, I'm sure he knew or he would've been a lot more upset about it. "Plan better, fight smarter, you got it Gramps heoooh…" WHUMP. …Aaand I was back out like a light.

…

…

Master Makarov dropped by the next day. "Heard you'd acquired an entire building. Thought I'd drop by to make sure everything was in order and safe."

I nodded and stepped back out of the doorway, more than a little embarrassed that I'd almost closed the door on him because I'd looked right over the top of his head and not seen him, "Of course, come on in."

Master walked through the kitchen, extending his arm with magic to peer into the oven to make sure the temperature lacrima was working, then the fridge and freezer. He walked to the back where the water heater was (there was only one for the whole building, but the temperature lacrima was robust enough to act as a tankless water heater capable of keeping up with everything there going simultaneously) and checked that, then he came back into my apartment and proceeded to inspect the bathroom.

After he was done checking everything, he came back to the living room/kitchen and hopped up onto the couch, turning and sitting. "Well, this is certainly a very nice place," he declared, "But there is a small matter that concerns me."

My ears pricked up immediately and he continued, "I understand you're letting Lucy rent an apartment upstairs at an extremely low rate."

I nodded, "That's right. She's my friend and helped me find this place, I'm not going to charge her full price."

Master nodded, "That's very kind of you, and I'm sure you would never use the leverage of being her landlord to gain any undue influence."

I blinked and took a second as that processed, then I went pale as I understood what he was implying, "WHAT?! NO! I'D NEVER! That joke about paying me in kisses was just me poking fun at her to make her drop the issue! I'd never ever make her actually do anything! I just didn't want her arguing for a higher rate that she wouldn't be able to afford! And I mean she is a great kisser, but that's not something I'd ever try to force her to do! She's my friend, the first one I made in this world! I'd honestly probably just shrug off any debts she did build up unless she was just outright taking advantage of me, and even then, I'd never call 'em like that!"

Master nodded, "Very good. I trust that applies to other potential tenants as well?"

"Of course! It's a moral thing not a 'she just so happens to be my friend' thing," I exclaimed.

Master nodded, "Well good, would you mind if I spread the word to other members of the guild? According to Mirajane, even what you specified as your regular rate is dirt cheap. I'm sure plenty of our members would be overjoyed to live here."

I was momentarily at a loss for words, then I thought for a moment, "I suppose it couldn't hurt. I'd prefer it be people I'm already fairly acquainted with though. I honestly hadn't even thought about the possibility of renting out the other two apartments yet, but I guess if anyone's having trouble keeping their rent up somewhere else, I could at least talk to them."

Master nodded, "We don't have any that I'm aware of right now, but I'll let you know if I catch wind of any."

I nodded, "Cool! Thanks Master!"

Master nodded and hopped off the couch with a smile, "Rightyo, well that's all for the inspection. Which apartment is Lucy's? I need to drop by and check on her too."

I directed him upstairs and less than half an hour later heard a loud shriek of "GET OUT!" followed by a loud splash from the canal. I looked out the window and saw Master climbing out of the canal, drying himself off with magic and strolling off with a cheeky looking grin on his face.

I immediately headed upstairs, pausing at the door to knock, "Lucy? It's Jerry. You okay in there?"

A moment later Lucy opened the door with her hair down and a lacy red and black corset in one hand, "Oh hey Jerry. Yeah, I'm alright. Just…coming to terms with the fact that everyone in this guild is a damn pervert. I mean I was all touched and thought it was sweet when Master came by to check and make sure the apartment was in good shape and that I wasn't living in some hovel," she threw her hands up in exasperation, "and then he just goes poking through my underwear drawer! I mean, serious…ly…"

It was right about then that she realized she still had the corset in her hand. For a split second, she froze, her eyes locked on it with the most hilariously gobsmacked expression. She immediately hid it behind her back as she blushed utterly crimson.

I tactfully cleared my throat, "Well, I'm glad you're alright. You know that I'll come running if I ever hear you scream like that right?"

If anything, she blushed a little redder at that, only now she was smiling, "Thanks Jerry. I really appreciate it. Um, I was about to have lunch, you want to come in?"

I smiled, "Sure! What's cookin'?"

…

…

Another night of sleeping in my own bed later, I was fully recovered from overexerting my magic so much. That morning, Elfman dropped by right before lunch and declared my very utilitarian abode to be quite manly. I gave him a thumbs up and grimaced as he sat down on the couch, apparently intent on staying for a while. He looked at the books, "You sure do have a lot of books. Why don't you do something more manly, like lifting weights?"

I sighed, "Because the training regime I use doesn't require excessive weights as it's designed to enhance speed, precision and control more than raw strength. Martial arts are designed for anyone to be able to use, and thus do not require excessive brute strength."

"Oh?" Elfman asked, his curiosity piqued, "So what kind of workouts do you do?"

"Pushups, sit-ups, jumps and various flexibility exercises on top of simply executing my techniques in increasingly rapid repetitions and varied combinations. I'd do chin-ups but I don't have anything sufficiently sturdy here to hang my full body weight off of," I ticked off, "Really though, the guild hall brawls have been providing plenty of practice."

"So…does that work?"

"I was regional grand champ for 17 year old males the last year I competed," I answered honestly, "And our dojo routinely took home the overall number one spot."

"How big was the tournament?" Elfman asked curiously.

"Every dojo in a region about the size of Fiore," I explained, "It would be like rounding up every guild in the kingdom for an entire tournament of one on one matches broken up based on age..." I paused as a thought struck me, "Hey has anyone done that yet?"

"A tournament with every guild in the kingdom?" Elfman asked, the idea clearly new to him, "Not that I'm aware of, that would probably be a huge deal though."

"Huh," I mused, "Someone needs to get on that, whatever city hosted it would make absolute BANK...oh the advertising opportunities..." The dollar signs started flashing in my head, "Elfman...I think we may be on to something. You mind sticking around for me to bounce ideas off you?"

"Sure, I can do that, what did you have in mind?"

Elfman wound up staying through lunch as we bounced around ideas, then we headed over to the guild together to see if anything interesting was happening. Surprisingly, nothing was! That was a very rare thing indeed and it left me with time to sit there musing. After a bit of thinking, I looked across the bar at Mira, "Hey Mira, is there anywhere good around town that I can practice my magic without having to worry about blowing things up or starting an all-out brawl? You know, just a quiet place without a lot of people? The brawls are good for practice with tried and true, but I want some quiet so that I can experiment in peace."

Mira thought about it and then shook her head, "Sorry Jerry, your best bet's probably out in the forest. Anywhere in town there's something to break, and if you try to practice here then you'll have a brawl on your hands almost immediately." She nodded her head off to the right, "If you head over out that side of town, the other side of the mountain is pretty clear and nobody really goes back there, so you might be able to find some privacy back there."

I nodded with a grin, "Thanks Mira. I'll head over there right now. See you…when I see you! Probably this evening, but it may be tomorrow if I really lose track of the time."

Mirajane sighed with a little smile, "Have fun! See you next time."

I teleported across the room and out the door, threw down a card and up I went. I flew off in the direction Mira had pointed me in and with the bird's eye view I was quickly able to find a clearing on the backside of the mountain. I exhaled as I landed and then started looking around for a decent sized boulder to sit on.

I was quickly able to find one and I sat down on it cross legged. I amped my ethernano intake as high as I could. I figured I was probably already running on a full tank, but I was out here to find out just how much power my "full tank" actually contained, and after having been on the business end of magic exhaustion once, I had no desire at all to run face first into it again, especially in a situation where it could get me and/or my friends killed.

Being helpless to save…NO. NO. NO. I smacked myself in the sides of the head to silence that line of thought before it could get going, Quit crying over milk long spilled! She's in a better place and we are not thinking about her right now. Focus on the magic! I need a knockback attack.

I extended my hands and gathered my power in my palms, "WAVE." The resulting burst of telekinetic force was enough to whip up a large cloud of dust, almost like an immense burst of wind. I frowned, not strong enough. I slid into irritation, "WAVE." This time there was a large expanse of freshly exposed dirt all around me as my wave ripped up the top layer of earth and windrowed it at the edge of where my wave petered out.

I rose, better. It should work well when I'm in battle as a way to get some room. Now for direct damage… I extended my fingers into a gun and aimed at the ground, willing both my telekinesis and my explosive light magic into my hands as I drew upon the pointless rage that always simmered in the dark places of my soul and curled it into a fist that would crush everything in its path, "SHATTER."

What followed can only be termed an explosion. It was like what my Wave had done except concentrated into a cone that started at about a foot wide and widened to almost as wide as my Wave had been, but it went a lot further and had a much more dramatic effect. With a flash of light and a sound like a thunderclap, the ground did exactly as I had instructed it and shattered. No, it didn't just shatter, it erupted, was blasted into a zillion little pieces and flung away from me.

I gaped at the line of destruction left in wake of my spell. Then I grinned, "Aaaaawesoooome…" Then my grin turned to mischief and wickedness as I curled my fingers into a fist. I pulled back and as I slammed my fist into the ground, high as a kite on my power with my emotions howling like a roaring bonfire while my magic blazed around my fist, I roared the first word that popped into my head with mad glee, "CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!"

For a split second, nothing happened. Then the entire mountainside exploded under me.

…

…

I hadn't quite buried myself under the entire mountain, but even the tenth I'd upturned on top of myself was enough that if Virgo hadn't beaten the rest of the guild to the scene, coming through the gate on her own power and immediately used her burrowing magic to stop the avalanche's worth of earth from crushing me completely instead of just that one boulder hitting me a glancing blow, I would almost certainly have died.

When I woke up, I was in a hut in the forest being overseen by an old pink haired woman who bore a stunning resemblance to a certain kunoichi from Konoha's Squad 7. It tripped me out enough that I momentarily wondered if I had changed dimensions again, then I realized Mira was holding my hand, passed out with her head down on the side of the bed. I gently rubbed the back of her hand with my thumb, about the only part of me I had enough energy to move.

The pink haired lady turned around and saw my eyes open and immediately began to question me about just what the hell happened. I told her and she immediately scolded me for being a typical Fairy Tail idiot. All I could do was smile, which quite threw her off her game.

"What the hell are you smiling about?!" she demanded, "You've got a dozen broken ribs, a shattered collarbone, a concussion, half your face scraped off and we had to put your knee and right shoulder back in their sockets on top of all the cuts, bruises and scrapes full of dirt! We had to shave your head to get to half the cuts on your scalp and stitch them shut, your teeth were knocked half out and I was only just barely able to fix them, and with the amount of flesh missing off your face you may be permanently disfigured! On top of all that whatever you did drove you right to the edge of complete magic exhaustion and Magic Deficiency Syndrome! You're lucky to be alive! If that Celestial Spirit of yours hadn't come through the portal on her own to dig you out, you'd be dead! Dead, dead, dead as a doornail! Even with that in mind you must be insanely durable to have survived that!"

I looked down at Mira and exhaled, "I am lucky. Battered and bruised, but alive and a proud wizard of Fairy Tail, apparently a much more powerful wizard than I would ever have guessed at that. I have two wonderful partners in Leo and Virgo…The most beautiful woman I've ever met cares about me enough to be here holding my hand when I wake up…and I've got one hell of a good doctor who apparently knows her painkillers very well since all I feel is exhausted."

The old woman, Porlyusica, stalked over and immediately began checking me over. Her eyes got wider and wider and after a moment she crossed her arms and gave me a stern look. "You might not be hurting, but don't think for an instant that that means you're healed. You're still in nearly as bad a shape as you were when they brought you in. I'm keeping you here for observation for another day and then I want you to spend at least three days resting. No strenuous activity for at least two weeks, and no fighting or shenanigans for a month unless you want to lose any progress your bones have made towards healing."

I nodded and frowned slightly, "Will I be able to use my magic?" Porlyusica thought about it, "What kind of magic do you use and what will you be using it for?"

I twitched my face slightly and summoned my cards from out of the pocket I kept them in and had them shuffle themselves. Porlyusica flicked me between the eyes and told me to quit using what little magic I had recovered, so I let them drop. "I have telekinetic magic, a basic grasp of transformation, a magic that's a combination of telekinetic and transformation which lets me reduce anything to dust at the cost of exhausting myself, teleportation, a memory magic called Archive that also grants me telepathy, and light magic. I also unlocked some new form of magic that I didn't know I could do by combining my telekinetic and light magic."

Porlyusica frowned, "Is that what you buried yourself with?"

I winced out a small grimace, "Yeah. I know, no using that for sure."

"Most definitely not," Porlyusica declared firmly, "I don't see any problems with the telekinesis so long as you don't over exert yourself, and the Archive magic should be harmless, but try to lay off the teleportation and light magic. Teleportation will take a lot of energy that you need to be devoting to healing and I'm guessing you use explosive light magic?" I nodded and she ordered me to not use that under any circumstances, "The last thing your body needs in this state is more explosions and things falling on you. I hope I don't have to tell you that the one you actually admitted exhausts you is as completely out of the question as the one you buried yourself with. You would probably be better off completely forgetting those two."

I smiled weakly, "Pity. That Crash magic was pretty awesome…" Porlyusica said something that sounded really shocked, but I didn't hear her, my consciousness was fading very quickly.

…

…

Levy, Jet and Droy dropped by the day after I was allowed to go home with my injuries. I was still crashed on the couch with my head leaned back and everything from the waist up wrapped in bandages. I was on the couch so that I didn't have to get up to snag things out of the kitchen with my telekinesis. I had never realized how prone I was to eating with my right hand until I had to consciously use my left one.

I was in the middle of forcing myself to focus as I attempted a telekinetic drawing for the first time. I'd often wondered about the implications of telekinesis for the world, now that I actually had it and nothing better to do, I was quite determined to find out. Thankfully I caught their mental signatures before they knocked and I was able to wave my charcoal dust back into its jar rather than having it explode or collapse onto the paper and ruin the picture, "Come on in, it's open."

Levy immediately zeroed in on my attempts at charcoal rendering from memory with telekinesis and demanded to know what it was. I picked up a picture that I'd managed to pull off with my telekinesis and floated it over to her, "That's Fuyuki Japan. Super duper packed and skyscrapers everywhere higher than you'd believe. I've only been there once, and I don't remember much of it, but I don't think I'll ever forget this view."

They only stayed for a little while, apparently they were on their way out of town on a job and had just stopped by to check in on me, but they turned out to be the first of many. No less than a dozen people from the Guild dropped by to check on me that day. It may have been a little tiresome to have to deal with so many people, especially in my apartment, and I didn't make much progress on my telekinetic control, but when I started to drift off to sleep that night, I realized I didn't mind. It, actually made me kind of happy when I stopped to think about it.

Then someone knocked on the door and I was just about to take that thought back when I realized it was Mira dropping by to check on me on her way home for the night. I actually wound up going to sleep with an even bigger smile.

…

…

A week after nearly burying myself, I was sitting at a barstool while I wrote, my hand flying across the paper. Even though I could remember every book and movie I'd ever seen word for word and picture them all perfectly, translating all that into paper and print still took a lot of time (especially since I had to do all the descriptions in addition to the dialogue, it was amazing how much of the paper and ink was devoted to setting the scenes). Now though, I was al…most… "DONE!" I exclaimed happily as I set my pen down and slapped the final sheet over on the stack.

Then I turned it over and straightened the stack before putting a fresh sheet on the top and scrawling in a rather fancy but still legible script, Pirates of the Caribbean. I was immediately glomped by Lucy and Levy who were clamoring for an opportunity to read it. I hissed as I felt my still healing ribs creak and they both immediately let go and apologized.

I winced as my ribs reluctantly pulled back to where they were supposed to be, "Okay. Now that my bones have re-cracked…who wants to read about them that sail under the skull and crossbones first?"

Before Levy and Lucy could begin to argue over who got to read it first, Jet burst in through the door, "HEADS UP! ERZA'S HEADED THIS WAY!"

From the way everyone in the guild except me, Mirajane and Lucy froze, you'd think he'd said the apocalypse was on its way. Levy was far from the only one who looked very much like a deer in the headlights for a second, then she seemed to remember that she was probably the sweetest and most peaceful person in the guild aside from Mira and Lucy, and she relaxed. Cana started drinking faster, Gray and Natsu stopped fighting and actually hugged each other (god I wished I had a camera!) and everyone in the room broke out into a cold sweat. I swiveled in my seat with a wince, "So I'm finally gonna get to meet the infamous Erza Scarlet huh?"

Clanking footsteps filled the unnatural silence and echoed through the guild hall. "That's gotta be her," one girl whispered. "Those sound like her footsteps…" Wakaba the chain smoker muttered around his pipe. "Even the air's gone completely still…" Natsu's purple haired buddy Macao breathed in terror.

A massive form appeared, silhouetted in the doorway. I tilted my head curiously and then my eyes widened as she strode in. She set down the massive…thing she was carrying and it was apparently every bit as heavy as it looked because the crash it made as it hit the ground was comparable to a table being smashed to splinters. That was a sound I had become way too familiar with since joining Fairy Tail. It was then that I got my first good look at her. "Wow she's pretty…" Lucy muttered.

Pretty? I thought to myself, She's as hot as Mirajane! I see what Leo meant about her being beautiful like a dragoness… Erza's hair was straight as opposed to Mirajane's curls and it fell down past her shoulders like a sheet of pure scarlet silk. Yeah, scarlet, mere 'red' didn't do that vibrant shade justice. Her eyes were so intense that even from across the room they were hard to meet, but hooboy was the view worth it! Erza had very regal features and carried herself with unshakeable confidence and pride. I'd heard her hyped as the Queen of the Fairies, and now that I got a look at her, I was fully prepared to believe the hype. She looked like a queen, and one glance at the armor and the steel in her eyes was all the proof anyone would need that she could and would cheerfully take on and DISMANTLE any and all challengers. Having every hair on my body stand on end just from being in the same room with the amount of magic power that she casually radiated was a bit of a telltale sign too.

"I have returned." She declared, "Where is Master Makarov?" Erza's voice fit with the aura of power that surrounded her. It was resonant, a smooth tone of authority and control that wouldn't sound at all out of place commanding an army or bringing a court of squabbling nobles to heel. I see how she got the title, I mused as my eyes flickered around and I saw that everyone was waiting on her every word with baited breath. This was a woman whose opinion and power could shake everyone in the room. The only person I'd seen command that kind of respect out of Fairy Tail was Master Makarov, and he turned into a giant when he was annoyed.

"Welcome back Erza," Mira chirped, "Master's at a conference right now."

Erza nodded crisply, "I see."

Someone, Max I think, asked her what the big thing she had carried in on her shoulder was. "It's the horn of a monster I defeated," she explained, "The locals were so thankful that they decorated it and gave it to me as a souvenir. Do you have a problem with it?" The guy who'd asked as well as the guy next to him immediately squawked very politely that they had no problem with it at all in a tone that heavily implied they'd nearly peed their pants at the mere thought of Erza being angry with them.

"Bet she's heard about what happened at Mt. Hakabe…" Cana muttered around her barrel of beer to Macao. "You think so?" Macao whispered back nervously, "Oh man I'm a goner..."

Then Erza's gaze turned extra fierce as she turned to face the guild as a whole and raised her voice ever so slightly. In the silence her presence had invoked, it was all that was needed, "Now listen up. While I was on the road I heard a few things. Word is that Fairy Tail is causing nothing but trouble as of late. Master Makarov may not care, but I most certainly do. Cana…" she near snarled in a voice that made everyone's favorite topless drunk flinch, "You need to start controlling your drinking. Vijeeter, please take the dancing outside. Wakaba, get rid of that filthy habit. Nab, I suspected I'd find you dawdling at the request board, JUST PICK A JOB. Macao…" she sighed and was quiet for a moment, which was apparently worse for Macao than being snapped at. Erza put a gauntleted hand to her forehead, "I don't even know where to begin with you. You cause so much trouble, I've almost given up…"

"Wow, she's really tearing into everybody…" Lucy whispered, "It's like she's taking over!" Happy muttered that that was just how Erza was and Lucy grumbled, "Even if she is kinda bossy, she's still saner than anyone else here, I don't understand why everyone's so afraid of her."

I looked at her flatly and thought, You clearly aren't very good at sensing power. That woman could take Natsu and Gray at the same time and probably not break a sweat.

Lucy's eyes bugged out slightly and I realized I must have transmitted that without meaning to. I nodded and turned my attention back to Erza, and much more interestingly to Natsu and Gray who were still hugging each other and drenched in a cold sweat as Erza's attention fell upon them. Gray muttered something in reply to Erza's subtle insinuation that maybe he and Natsu had been quarreling and Natsu squeaked, "AYE!"

"Why is Natsu talking like Happy?!" Lucy exclaimed. I guess it hit her right about then that Erza really was a terrible force to be reckoned with.

"He's scared," Mira explained with a grin as she quickly doodled a picture of Erza kicking the crap out of Natsu in the air with a light pen, "A few years ago he challenged Erza to a fight and she beat him up pretty badly."

"Then she caught Gray wandering around naked and decided to beat him up too," Macao added.

Cana chimed in, her barrel now nowhere to be seen and replaced with a small mug that I knew she'd drain in five minutes or less, "Don't forget when she beat up Loke for trying to hit on her. He totally deserved it though." I grimaced, Leo should've known better than that.

Then Erza spoke again, "Natsu, Gray, I need the two of you to do me a favor. While I was traveling, I overheard something that has me worried. Normally I'd consult the Master before taking action, but he's not here and this is a matter of utmost urgency. The two of you are the strongest wizards here. I could really use your help." That got a reaction. The whole guild immediately started whispering and muttering to each other, wondering if that really just happened.

"We'll meet at the train station tomorrow morning," she declared without waiting for them to agree. Of course, judging from how scared they obviously were of her, I suppose she wasn't wrong to assume they'd never dare tell her no.

"Erza, Natsu and Gray working together?" Mira said quietly, "I never saw that one coming. This might just be the strongest team Fairy Tail's ever seen!" I glanced at her and nodded, from what I'd seen of the guild, that was probably true.

Then I turned back to the scene before me, "Erza." Erza turned to me and the whole guild froze, "Yes? I'm sorry, I don't believe we've met."

I nodded, "We haven't, I only joined a few weeks ago. I'm Jerry Granger, this is Lucy. We're Natsu's teammates. If you're not too opposed to it, I'd like to join you three. It would be wrong to let my teammate go and not try to help however I can."

Erza eyed me carefully, "While I appreciate the help, are you sure you can fight with those injuries?"

Mirajane chuckled, "Oh that's right, you haven't heard yet."

Erza looked up at her, "Heard what?"

I could tell from Mirajane's voice as she laid her hand on my good shoulder that she was smiling, "Think of Jerry as about ten percent of a Gildarts with Levy's brains. He only looks like this because he knocked down half a mountain on top of himself while he was practicing the other day. Porlyusica didn't ban him from using his magic, so he can still fight even if he's only got one good arm, and he's got two Celestial Spirits working for him, one of which is actually Loke, who's stronger now than he's ever been. So you're really getting at least two for the price of one with Jerry."

Erza's eyes widened slightly and then she smiled, "Well then. I'm certain you'll make a fine addition to the team, welcome aboard." Then her brow furrowed, "And what do you mean Loke's a celestial spirit?"

I could tell Mira was grinning, "Oh we have got so much to catch up on. Come on sit down, I'll tell you all about everything that's been going on." She then led Erza down to the other end of the bar and they immediately put their heads together and started whispering back and forth to each other. Levy grinned and slid off down to the other end of the bar to join them.

I was not oblivious to the glances and mischievous giggles sent my way. "I have the distinct feeling that I am a topic of conversation," I muttered to Lucy. "You're dating Mirajane," Lucy replied, "She's a celebrity. I'm surprised you don't have the paparazzi chasing you yet."

I raised an eyebrow, "Really?"

"You know she models in Sorcerer Weekly right?" Lucy asked skeptically, "That's like one of the most widely read magazines in Fiore, and she is a very regular centerfold."

I did indeed know that Mira was a model and centerfold. I had half a dozen magazines in my nightstand drawer to prove it. Mira was aware of them as I'd actually still had one lying on the bed when she helped me home after leaving Porlyusica's, and she had been quite flattered. Then she had pulled me in for a picture the next day and that picture was now on top of the nightstand right next to the lamp. Again, she was aware and thought it was very sweet.

It was right about then that I became aware of Cana sitting next to me. "Hey Cana," I smiled, "What's up?"

"So, I know you brought down half a mountain on yourself, but nobody's told me exactly how you did it yet," Cana said so quietly that I knew nobody but me and maybe Natsu could hear her, "Mira just said to think of you as ten percent of Gildarts. What did she mean by that?"

Then I realized what she wanted. Mirajane had explained to me after I woke up the second time that the magic I had brought down the mountain with, Crash, was the signature magic of Fairy Tail's strongest wizard and ace in the hole, Gildarts Clive. Gildarts was supremely popular within the guild, an absolute hero, and possibly the strongest wizard in the country since his power was as great or greater than Master Makarov's (Makarov was apparently recognized as around number 5 for the whole continent). From what I understood, Gildarts was basically Fairy Tail's personal Superman.

Now that I thought about it, there would almost certainly be some people who wouldn't be pleased at the thought of me having their ace's signature magic. "You're asking about the fact that I can use Crash magic," I said quietly.

Cana's grip on her mug tightened and her expression turned very dark. "That's what I thought she said," Cana muttered icily as she went to get up. The emotional turmoil and upset screamed through my limited telepathy with such anguished volume that there was absolutely no mistaking it.

I snapped my good hand out and caught her shoulder, "Cana, I can hear the pain in your heart loud and clear. What's wrong?" Cana froze and the volume of her pain skyrocketed, the spillover making it suddenly and abundantly clear just exactly what was wrong. My hand dropped along with my jaw as my eyes popped wide and my mouth made a little 'O'. It suddenly made perfect sense why she was upset. "Oh my god I am so sorry Cana…"

Cana tensed and suddenly whirled, grabbed me by the front of my cape and got right up in my face with a death glare and a tone to match, "Don't you dare say a word about this to anyone, and don't ever speak to me again." The look in those purple eyes promised nothing but imminent pain and death if I tried to argue.

I took as deep a breath as my broken ribs would allow, I can't leave her like this. There are some things you just know. This was one of them. Without warning, my hand snapped up to the side of her head, "Hold still."

Cana's eyes went wide as the data transfer began in a cloud of gold bars that quickly faded towards blue. Cana's breath hitched as she realized what I was doing and I got the full blast of her troubled past in exchange for the knowledge I was giving her. It almost brought tears to my eyes. A moment later it was done, and I lowered my hand and gaze as I turned back to where I had been writing my book before Erza came in, "I'm sorry Cana. I hope that will help you find what you're looking for."

Cana straightened up and was quiet for a moment. I couldn't meet her gaze, but I could see her trembling ever so slightly out the corner of my eye. Then she wrapped my head in a gentle hug and the new Crash mage whispered, "Thank you…" I felt something warm and wet on the bandages wrapped around my head and then she hurried out of the guild.

I was acutely aware that the entire guild was staring at me. I looked over my shoulder at them, "It's her business not yours, keep your noses out of it or I'll help her push them in for you."

When I turned back around, Mirajane was in front of me, her chin propped on her hands as she gave me a very sweet and enticing smile, "So, makin' moves on Cana? Careful, I might get jealous." She was teasing me I knew it, but she was also trying to get me to spill whatever secret I had just learned.

I looked her dead in the eye and linked our minds for a moment, Mira, I trust you with my life. I think you know that. Please trust ME when I tell you that what I just learned is something that nobody but Cana has any business knowing until she's ready to tell them herself. If I knew how, I'd already be wiping it from my own memory to preserve her privacy on this. I don't want to refuse you anything, but on this matter I will keep my silence, so please, don't ask.

Then out loud I declared, "And NO I am not making moves on Cana! Nor is it the other way around, so Gray stop shootin' me the stink-eye!" I grinned as the stripping ice wizard flinched and denied that he had been doing any such thing.

I shot a wink at Mirajane and she immediately took the hint. She sighed with a smile as she straightened up and spread her hands in a 'what can you do?' gesture as she declared in a carrying voice, "What a shame! Why does my boyfriend have to be so noble and loyal that he can't look at another woman even if I suggest a threesome? I guess it's a good thing I love how sweet you are huh Jerry?"

She winked at me with her cutest teasing grin as the entire guild began to whoop, whistle and holler catcalls, and I obliged her by pretending to faint for a moment with hearts in my eyes. It wasn't hard, even if she was joking, didn't mean it at all and was just helping me distract everybody from the scene that me and Cana had just made, that Mirajane had thought of that at all was pretty dang hot. It would definitely be happening in at least one dream, but I know she knew that already.

After that, Mira went back to her gossip session. Lucy peeked at me over the top of my rendition of Pirates of the Carribean (which she had swiped to read when Levy went to join the gossip session at the other end of the bar) with a grin, "You know, it is totally adorable how you two can just read each other to play off one another like that right? You didn't even use your telepathy after you had that little silent conversation did you? Don't worry, I'm not going to ask. Some people have secrets they don't want getting out and it's not fair to them to be prying into it."

I blinked at her and then smiled, "I'm glad you're sensible enough to balance out Natsu."

Lucy blushed and shrank behind the cover of the book a little. She was quiet for a moment and then, "So uh…are you and Mirajane…I…don't think I've ever seen her spend the night except for right after you got back from the doctor and couldn't really move around so well on your own, but…"

I grinned, "Why Lucy, a gentleman never kisses and tells!" Lucy raised an eyebrow, clearly thinking about the day I'd bought our apartment building. More specifically she was thinking about how Mira and I had had absolutely no problem with making out in front of her, and how I'd been so blunt about my desire to make out with her too. My grin widened, "I will say she's amazing though."

Lucy huffed slightly and went back to reading with a little grin still playing about her lips.

Next time! On Mad Little Slice of Heaven...

We strolled into the train station on our guard and found Eisenwald waiting for us in the lobby. It looked like the entire guild was there, the numbers were probably at least ten to one in their favor. At the front was a shirtless guy with white hair in a goofy do cross between "cockatoo" and "combover" with a scythe, a flute and wearing a robe like the bottom half of a dress. Goofy do in the dress was apparently Erigor the Reaper.

He immediately embarked on a very long winded speech about unfairness and the lost rights of his guild. He was able to fly, which Lucy and Gray quickly chalked up to wind magic. He alighted on top of a speaker pole when Erza asked what he was planning, "What do all train stations have?"

"Speakers and a PA system, which makes it a good thing our friend is currently cutting all the wires in the control room doesn't it?" I declared with a smug little grin (not actually a lie! Cancer actually was currently heading straight for the control room), "Nice try Airhead, but your evil plan was a little obvious there. Also what was your name again? Very Boring? It seems rather fitting. You're quite the talker aren't you?"

Erigor flinched at the blow to his ego and then colored up with fury as I blew a bubble with my gum and popped it with a bored expression in his direction,

"We gonna do this thing or what?"