Chapter 11 - DAMMIT NATSU!

My card car slammed to a halt in the drizzling rain and I backed up. I blinked with a shell shocked stare through the misty gloom. The two who couldn't possibly be real, couldn't be really there, stared back at me in surprise. I raised a finger and took a breath, before asking tentatively as my heart pounded in my chest, "Gabe? Julie?"

The one who looked like Gabe but slightly bigger and tougher frowned, "Who?"

I sighed, okay, just an eerie coincidence. Then the one who looked just like Julie with blue hair declared that their names were Juvia and Gajeel, and as she asked if that was what I meant in an odd monotone, I very nearly lost my mind as I realized I was looking at this world's doppelgangers of my best friends Gabriel Fox and Julia Keyes.

I laughed slightly and put my good hand over my eye, "No… my, my apologies. I've just arrived in this country recently and you two look…shockingly similar to my best friends back home." I shook my head and forced a smile, "I'm sorry. I haven't even introduced myself. I'm Jerry Granger of Fairy Tail. Unless I miss my guess, you two are wizards eh? What brings you to Magnolia?"

The big one who I had to keep telling myself wasn't Gabe grunted that they were just passing through, but Ju…via swatted him and produced a picture, "Have you seen this girl? We were hired to find her."

I accepted the picture and my eyebrow rose behind the bandages, "Lucy Heartfilia."

Ju-via's (I knew I was going to get it wrong out loud at least once, the resemblance was utterly mindboggling aside from the blue hair) eyes lit up, "You know her?" I had to blink to dispel the image of my best friend and smiled, "Ah, yeah, yeah, she's actually one of my teammates. Eh, climb on. I'll take you to her."

The pretty blue haired mage who I had to keep telling myself was not Julie hopped on to my card with a grin that was every bit as infectious and hard to resist as Julie's, "Let's go!" I couldn't help smiling back, "Ey Ga-jeel" I caught myself in time to not call him Gabe, "climb on. I can carry half a dozen people like this no problem and fly with it."

Gajeel eyed the card warily, "I'm good. I'll walk."

I nodded, if he was anything like Gabe then he was stubborn as a mule and there was no point in trying to convince him to try something before he was ready. "Alright, I'll go slow so you don't have to run," I declared with a smile.

Gajeel blinked, "Oh, well, uh…thanks."

I began to ease along with my card, "So, I guess you two are in a wizard guild?"

Juvia nodded, "We're with Phantom Lord. I'm Juvia of the Element Four, and this is Gajeel the Iron Dragon Slayer. We're two of Phantom's five S-Class."

I grinned, "Ahhh so you two must be pretty powerful eh? Iron Dragon Slayer, guess that means you're like a more hard headed version of Natsu huh?"

"Natsu?" Gajeel asked questioningly, his brows instantly furrowing in consternation. I frowned as I heard a memory strain to break through to the surface of his mind when the name came up. "If you don't mind, I'm a telepathic wizard. It sounds like you've got a repressed memory in there. Want some help getting it out?"

Gajeel thought about it for a moment and then his curiosity got the better of him. "Don't go muckin' around too much in there," he ordered as he leaned down to offer me his head. I raised my hand and frowned, That's not just a repressed memory, it's an out and out magic induced BLOCK.

"Someone already has," I said quietly. Then as Gajeel and Juvia's eyes widened I ordered the mental barrier to, "RELEASE."

Gajeel almost collapsed under the weight of his memories crashing over him like a tidal wave. He staggered and Juvia and I immediately reached out to stabilize him. His eyes were out of focus for a second and then he snapped bolt upright and shouted, "OH SHIT! I GOTTA GO FIND LYOS! OH GOD!" His hands flew to his head as he started to seriously panic, "WHERE'S CRYBABY WENDY?!" He turned to Juvia and all but shouted, "SORRY JUVIA, TELL MASTER JOSE I'M SORRY BUT I GOTTA LET YOU HANDLE THIS ONE ALONE! PUNCH NATSU FOR ME WHEN YOU SEE HIM! MY BABY BROS AND SISTER NEED ME!" He turned and shouted at the top of his lungs, "DON'T WORRY SHORTIES! BIG BRO'S COMIN FOR YA!"

So shouting, Gajeel took off running panicked through the woods like a bat out of hell, "WEEEEEEEEEEEEENDDYYYYYYYY! LYOOOOOOOOOOS! SHITTY BRAT THAT HANGS OUT WITH NATSUUUUUUUUUUUU! WHERE ARE YOOOU?!"

Juvia and I stared after him for almost a full minute and then Juvia turned to look at me in confusion, "Any idea what all that was about?"

I mulled it over for a second, "He had a magic induced block in his memory. Don't know how, don't know why, but someone or something had made him forget, it sounded like his little brother and sister, plus Natsu and some kid that used to hang out with Natsu." I frowned, "I wonder if Natsu's got a block like that…He's enough of a dimwit that he may have just forgotten altogether, but he's usually pretty good about remembering things important to his friends…I'll have to check when I see him. Well…" I turned a smile on Juvia, "Shall we continue? Lucy's usually at the Guild Hall by now, and now that we don't have to go slow for him to keep up, I can show you what this baby can do!"

Juvia cast one more glance after Gajeel and then nodded, "Yes, of course. Let's go." There was something odd about the way she said it, but I decided to let it slide for the moment. If Juvia was anything like Julie then she'd never keep quiet about something important without a damn good reason.

I picked us up over the treetops. I'd been zipping along doing fifty miles an hour with my new Archive Magic Radar running solid to try and find anyone with a Fairy Tail emblem. I had been legitimately planning to scan the entire country if I had to, and given that once I amped my intake my range was about a hundred mile radius with no definite upper limit on the speed of my card car, I thought that was perfectly doable. Impractical? Maybe. Going way too far for a girl who I barely knew? Probably. Good way to get some space and clear my head on the matter? Definitely.

Juvia wrapped her arms around me to hold on, "Um, are you sure this is safe?"

I snapped my cards out of my pocket and formed the sides and seatbacks of my card car, "Totally." Juvia smiled and settled back against the seat I had made for her. I smiled, even if her hair was the wrong color, it was a lot like having Julie riding shotgun again. Then a thought occurred to me and I tried to make a speaker with my Archive magic. I looked over at Juvia, "Hey Juvia, you want some music?"

She asked if I could make music and I told her I could as I made the speaker make some interesting test noises. I looked over at her, "Ah, since you remind me so much of my friend, would you mind if I start with one of her favorites?"

Juvia shrugged, "I don't see why not." I grinned and tapped the label on the screen. A second later KISS's "Lick It Up" came thumping out of the speaker. I grinned as Juvia began to bob along to the beat, a little grin playing across her face. In a matter of moments, the grin was a full on smile and she was dancing as much as she could without leaving her seat. I smiled as the rain slacked up and drove us on back to Fairy Tail. Definitely a Julie clone, and definitely going to be my friend.

Selfish and jumping to conclusions? Maybe, but I wasn't wrong.

…

…

Half an hour later, I landed us in front of the Guild Hall and had my card dump us off before shrinking back to normal size and zipping back into my pocket. "Welcome to Magnolia," I said with a grin, "Lucy should be inside by now."

We walked up the steps, through the door, and stopped as we became aware of the entire guild stopping to look at us. Next thing I knew, Master Makarov had bounced all the way across the room and landed on my chest before clinging to me to shout in my face, "JERRY! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!"

I blinked, "Didn't Cana pass my note along?"

"The note saying you were going fishing the same day Natsu and Lucy disappeared on an unsanctioned S-Class quest?!" Makarov shouted.

"THEY DID WHAT?!"

"We thought you had gone with them," Erza declared as she walked up.

"NO!" I exclaimed, "I went to find Gilda…" I snapped my trap shut, went pale and started looking around to see if Cana was listening as Erza and Master both gaped at me.

Then Cana said from behind me, "I thought that's what that note said." I froze, Really should've encrypted that better… I turned nervously, "Eh, hey…Cana…"

She flicked me on the head gently, "Use better codes. I got that one on the first try before I was even through my morning hangover. Master, get off him for a minute." Crap she's pissed… I thought as Master let go and hopped down to the ground. Then Cana hugged me. I blinked in complete surprise and then Cana loosened her grip a bit to look at me, "I am completely sober right now." Then she kissed me. My brain shut down for a second.

Cana came up for air and raised an unimpressed eyebrow at me, "You're supposed to kiss back. I didn't think I was that bad at it."

I shook my head, "No, that was a good kiss, I was just surprised. I was expecting to get slapped, not kissed. Here, lemme apologize." So saying, I dipped her and kissed her as best I could. I only went just long enough for her to start kissing back before I set her back upright. Master, Erza, Juvia and the rest of the guild were looking at us with bemused expressions.

Master Makarov scratched his head as he thought, then his eyes went wide and he raised a finger to point at Cana, "Wait…" I could hear it in his head as his eyes widened, he had figured it out. Cana blushed slightly as she realized he had figured it out too and then Master grumbled, "I'm gonna kill that bonehead…" Then he shook his head, "But that's gonna have to wait! Erza, Jerry! Go get Natsu and Lucy and bring them back here so I can pulverize that idiot!"

Juvia cleared her throat, "Um, excuse me." Everyone turned to her and she raised her hand in greeting with a smile, "Hello, I haven't introduced myself. I'm Juvia Lockser of Phantom Lord's Element Four. I was recently hired by Lucy's father to find her. Would you mind if I tag along?"

Master stroked his mustache, "Normally I'd say no and that this was a guild matter, but you're a pretty powerful water mage right?"

"I like to think so," Juvia replied humbly with a small smile.

Makarov nodded, "Good, and you've probably heard about the Curse of Galuna Island right?"

"THEY'RE TRYING TO BREAK THE CURSE ON GALUNA ISLAND?!" Juvia exclaimed, "ARE THEY INSANE?!" She paused and collected herself, "That's a very dangerous mission. Master Jose won't let anyone take it unless at least two of the Element Four and Gajeel are going. I think it would probably be best if I join for the sake of having a little extra power on board if nothing else. Master Jose would be furious if I let Ms. Heartfilia die on such an unfortunate endeavor when I could've intervened. This is a rather important job."

Master raised an eyebrow, "How important?"

"Five million jewels important," Juvia replied, "Due to the pay alone, getting Ms. Heartfilia back to her father is being considered an S-Class mission worthy of two of the Element Four, although I brought Gajeel instead. I had no idea it would turn into an actual S-Class quest…"

Master looked around, "So where's Gajeel?"

Juvia sighed, "I'm not sure. Jerry found a magical barrier in Gajeel's memories and as soon as it was removed, Gajeel went running off as fast as he could to search for his long lost younger siblings. In all the time I've known Gajeel I've never seen him panic like that, so it must be terribly important. He said he was sorry and asked me to handle this myself," she looked at me and Erza with a smile, "so I definitely wouldn't mind joining forces with you for this one as my usual back up has proven a little unreliable today. Oh, before we go, do you mind if I punch Natsu when we find him? Gajeel asked me to pass one along for him, apparently they know each other."

Erza barked out a little laugh, "Oh don't worry, there'll be punches in plenty when I find him." Juvia smiled, "Oh good! Well, shall we get going then?"

I threw out my Card Car and gestured with a grin, "Ladies first."

…

…

I flew us up above even the highest tree tops and cranked my ethernano intake up to eleven so that I could really cut loose with the speed. According to my Archive navigational system, we were clocking in at about two hundred miles per hour. Still though, it was nearly nightfall by the time we reached Galuna. We passed a small tidal wave on our way to shore and I slowed us down as I felt the familiar mental signatures that I'd grown to know and mostly love over the last month and a half. "Found 'em." I declared as I peered over the side.

"Take us down there," Erza ordered. I landed us on the beach just in time to see a beat up Natsu, Lucy, Gray and Happy wash ashore, one and all unconscious and severely waterlogged. It was not lost on us that Gray was tied up.

I would've let them lay there until morning, but Erza was of a different mindset. She snatched Natsu up off the sand by the hair with one hand and punched him square in the gut. Natsu came awake with a sound somewhere between a wheeze and a shout of pain. Then as soon as he got his breath back in and realized who had a hold of him, he let it right back out as a very terrified and girly scream that woke up Lucy, Gray and Happy immediately.

"I see you understand why I'm here," Erza declared in her best 'I'm about to freaking kill you' voice with the death glare to match.

"Sorry Erza," Gray groaned as he managed to force himself upright, "Natsu sucker punched me."

Erza shot him a glance and then nodded, "You are forgiven." She turned her glare back on Natsu, "YOU are not."

Natsu squeaked pitifully and Lucy looked at me, "Um, Jerry? Help?"

I frowned at her, "Don't look at me. This was monumentally stupid. I thought you were smarter than this." I crouched down and poked her in the forehead with a glare, "Your life is not worth a gate key, not even one of the Zodiacs with over three million jewel thrown on top." I straightened up and crossed my arms as I glared at her and then Natsu and nonchalantly snatched Happy out of the air by his tail, "And I am VERY insulted that you three didn't even think to invite me. What happened to the four of us being a team? If you had asked, then we could have poked Erza, said please, been out here, had it done in probably a few days at most, and gone zipping along back home seven million jewels richer." I lifted Happy up to eye level and gave him my very deadliest glare, "And I can hear your thoughts you moronic blue puffball. Shame on you for deliberately picking the one with a reward you knew Lucy wouldn't be able to resist just so you could drag her into this!"

I glared at Natsu, "And because you tied Gray up, if you all hadn't been lucky enough to wash ashore, and we hadn't been here, then Gray would have drowned just now because his arms were tied and there was no way for him to swim. Is that what you want Natsu? For Gray to die due to some freak accident of nature that you put him in the way of?"

Natsu looked like I had slapped him with square in the face a stomach virus. That analogy brought a memory to mind, "Oh, that reminds me. Erza, could you hold him from behind for a second?"

Erza immediately adjusted her grip into a full nelson and I grinned, "Thank you very much." I teleported over and torqued such a full body punch into Natsu's solar plexus that Erza's grip actually wavered a little. I straightened up, "Gajeel says hi."

I heard Natsu's brain start trying to fire through the same magic memory repression that had been on Gajeel and I raised a hand to his head and flicked him between the eyes, "Release." Natsu started retching and barfing fire as I stepped back quickly. Erza dropped him in disgust and we watched as Natsu clutched his head, drenched in cold sweat and ghostly pale, his memories crashing through his mind like an avalanche as he continued to vomit flames.

"What did you do to him?" Erza muttered as she crossed her arms and watched him wriggle like a worm on a hook. I quickly explained and then Natsu shot bolt upright, "I GOTTA FIND STING AND WENDY! AND LYOS TOO! OH MAN, WHAT HAPPENED TO ANNA-SENSEI?!" Then he seemed to remember whose name I had mentioned, "WAIT! YOU SAID YOU SAW GAJEEL! IS HE OKAY?!"

"He's about as panicked as you are," I replied, "He took off to hunt for your three younger siblings this morning after I removed the magical block in his memory."

Natsu slumped slightly in relief, "Okay, Gajeel's a jerk but he's reliable. I can trust him to find them and make sure they're alright."

"That's great," Erza said calmly. Then she socked him in the jaw hard enough to launch him six feet in the air, grabbed him by the ankle before he could fly too far and proceeded to do the Tom-and-Jerry, slamming him into the ground repeatedly like a bag of potatoes as she shouted, "Because I would have felt a lot worse about beating you to a pulp for being so reckless and stupid if you had to go find your younger siblings after this!"

She kept it up for several minutes. I wound up doing what must've been a funny looking dance as Lucy kept trying to hide behind me only for me to repeatedly step aside to give Erza a clear shot when she decided to turn her attention that way. Juvia untied Gray and the four of us watched in awe and slight mortification as Erza proceeded to beat Natsu into a near unrecognizable bloody pulp howling, "PUTTING NOT ONLY YOUR LIFE IN JEOPARDY BUT THOSE OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS AS WELL! BREAKING THE RULES AND TAKING AN S-CLASS QUEST WITHOUT PERMISSION! SNEAKING ONTO THE SECOND FLOOR WHERE MASTER REMINDED YOU THE VERY SAME DAY THAT YOU WEREN'T ALLOWED TO BE! YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF! MASTER WILL PROBABLY KICK YOU OUT OF THE GUILD WHEN WE GET BACK! HOW COULD YOU BE SO FOOLISH AND RECKLESS AS TO ENDANGER YOUR LIFE LIKE IT'S WORTHLESS?! YOUR PLACE IN FAIRY TAIL LIKE IT'S WORTHLESS?! OUR FRIENDS' LIVES LIKE THEY'RE WORTHLESS?! HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID NATSU?!"

Every word was accentuated by Natsu slamming into the ground as hard as Erza could slam him. Then she threw Natsu up in the air and caught him by the lapels and I was slightly horrified to see that there were tears shining in her eyes as she demanded, "Why Natsu? Why would you be so selfish and stupid as to do something like this?" Natsu didn't answer and Erza shouted, "ANSWER ME NATSU! PLEASE! JUST TELL ME WHY!" Still Natsu said nothing.

Erza was so upset she was shaking and as I saw her getting ready to punch him, I said quietly, "Erza, I think you knocked him out with that first uppercut. Pretty sure he's been unconscious through the whole lecture."

Erza blinked and then shook Natsu a little. Sure enough, Natsu's head was lolling about limply. If his eyes hadn't been swelling shut, it would've been clear that there was nobody home even if the lights were on. Erza sighed angrily and dropped him, "Natsu you damned fool…"

She turned to Lucy, who once again tried to hide behind me only for me to once again side step as Erza stormed over. Erza loomed over Lucy and asked in an extremely stern voice, "Lucy, did you know that it was forbidden for you to take an S-Class quest?"

Lucy looked like she was about to wet herself, "Natsu said Master would forgive us and be proud if we pulled it off…I thought it was just a little rule, not something that would get me kicked out of the guild…I'm sorry…"

Erza was about to reply and then there was a flash of magic and Gray grinned, "Ice Make Stocks. That's payback for sucker punchin' me Natsu." Erza turned around and leveled a murderous glare at Natsu, who was now wriggling and trying to get free of the restraints Gray had magicked onto him. Natsu felt Erza's gaze land on him like a spotlight and froze.

Erza strode over and crouched down, "Natsu." Natsu squeaked. "Did you hear what I said about the very strong possibility of you getting kicked out of the guild over this?" Erza asked in a quiet voice. I think I actually heard Natsu's heart stop for a second.

"No…" Natsu breathed, his eyes wide in horror, "Please, anything but that…I'd rather die than leave Fairy Tail…"

"You understand what you did right?" Erza asked patiently, "You endangered not only your own life, but Gray, Lucy and Happy's lives as well. How would you have felt if they had drowned in that wave that washed you ashore? They would be dead, because of your stupid pride Natsu."

It was quite visible as the weight of Natsu's actions settled in on him while Erza continued, "Even beyond that, now you run the very severe risk of getting yourself and Happy kicked out of the guild, not only for coming on this S-Class quest without permission, but for lying to Lucy about the importance of stealing an S-Class quest. It's even worse because Jerry's right, you could have just asked me and I would've taken the request as soon as I finished my cake and brought you all along with me for back up in a heartbeat. Do you understand me Natsu? This isn't like your usual screw ups. You could seriously be getting kicked out of Fairy Tail over this."

Natsu was quiet for a second and then immediately began to cry and beg and plead with Erza to not let Master kick him out, but Erza's only reply as she straightened back up was, "That is not my decision. You will have to wait for the Master's judgment."

Natsu was very quiet and very still after that. Erza turned to face us and sighed before casting a glance up at the odd purple moon. Then she turned to me, "Jerry, what's the range of your telepathy?"

"You want me to scan the island and see if I can figure out what's up?" I asked. Erza nodded, "Yes, since we're already here, we might as well look into it even if we aren't officially accepting this request yet."

I closed my eyes, sat down, cast my web wide and began to listen.

…

…

A little while later I opened my eyes, "Okay. Good news for Gray, he has a friend on the island."

Gray turned to me in surprise, "Seriously? Who is it?"

"Actually two," I clarified, "Ur says you'll probably remember Lyon."

All the color went out of Gray's face in an instant and then he leapt up angry, "IF THAT'S SOME KIND OF JOKE THEN I'M GONNA BEAT THE HELL OUT OF YOU, INJURED OR NOT!"

I stared at him flatly, "I'm not joking. There's a woman in a block of ice under the mountain over there who says her name is Ur, that she used to be your teacher and that her student Lyon brought her here and is trying to melt her so he can try to beat down a demon that she's already finished killing. She also speculates that if we can get Juvia to share knowledge of her Water Body, sorry Juvia heard a little from everybody while I was listening to the whole island, then Ur might be able to return to human form after her body finishes melting in what Lyon's estimating to be three days."

Gray sat down in shock, "That…that can't be right…"

"I can give you directions if you want to go look," I told him, "But I don't think we should do it just yet. Lyon's followers are out and about right now. He's got at least four more wizards with him, two feel fairly formidable, Natsu and I should be able to handle them I think. One seems kind of harmless, but the fourth one feels about as tough as Erza. I don't know that I've got enough magic after flying us out here at top speed to pull another win like Eisenwald, not to mention these guys probably won't be considerate enough to group up all close together for me to take them all out in one big shot, and I probably can't teleport us out if things get hairy. We should wait until morning."

Gray was still and then he nodded with a pale face, "Alright, but I probably won't sleep worth a damn now."

I looked over at Erza, "Even if we don't take the curse breaking job, which the natives seem to think will require breaking the moon, I think we should at least stick around to help out Gray's master and get his…what is he Gray your brother? We oughta help get Gray's doofus brother back to his senses."

Erza nodded, "I quite agree, but will we be able to do it without Juvia's help? She hasn't agreed to share knowledge of her magic with us."

We all turned to Juvia and suddenly Gray was on his knees bowing before her, "Please Ms. Juvia! Master Ur is a hero who's saved countless lives, including mine. Your spell may be the only way to save her!"

Juvia thought about it for a moment, "I suppose I could share, but I would like to get something in return…"

Gray immediately had her hands clasped in his as he begged, "Please! I'll teach you all the magic I know if you'll help me save my master!"

Juvia blushed slightly as she realized he was suddenly shirtless, "Um, okay…but will you please put your clothes back on?"

Gray looked down and realized he was not in fact merely shirtless, he was also lacking in the pants, socks and shoes department, "OH CRAP! WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?!"

As Gray began going around gathering up his clothes, which had somehow been scattered all over the beach, Juvia turned to the rest of us, "Now that that's out of the way, I'd like to ask about something. The Eisenwald Incident was all over the papers, and there were supposed to be five wizards from Fairy Tail involved, including Erza Scarlet, Natsu Dragneel, Gray Fullbuster, a blonde girl who I've now confirmed to be Lucy, and one unknown masked wizard that's rumored to have dismantled the entire Eisenwald guild singlehandedly." She looked at me, "Was that you? We all thought it was Mystogan, but your bandages are very much a mask and you seem to be a part of this team."

I blinked as that registered and then I laughed, "Yeah, that was me! Funny you should mention it though, I found out yesterday that I actually have quite a bit in common with Mystogan! I had actually never even heard of him before yesterday, but it turns out he actually even really does look a little bit like me under that mask of his. Of course," I added thoughtfully, "I also look a little bit like Gray under all the bandages, or at least I will once my hair grows back. Different hair colors, and my face is a shaped a little different, but the resemblance is there. Yeah though, the masked Fairy Tail wizard in the Eisenwald Incident was me."

Juvia went even paler than usual and started trembling, "You took down an entire guild…in that bad a shape?"

I blinked and then smiled, "Nah…I was fresh out of the infirmary when I did that. I'll have my right hand back in a few days, and to tell ya a little secret," I leaned forward and glanced around jokingly as I raised a hand and whispered, "I only write with my left. My right's stronger."

"Don't forget the part where you evacuated a train and then chased down the run-away engine the dark wizard who wrecked the train was driving," Erza added, "All that after you figured out their plans in a matter of minutes just from the little snippets of information I had managed to pick up in passing."

"I can't claim credit for the train thing," I replied, "Gray's the one who caught it when the bridge collapsed. The real question though, is why does Juvia look like we just told her she had to fight a dragon with no magic and a teaspoon?"

Juvia did indeed have her soul peeking out of her dropped jaw waiting for an opportunity to flee with little terrified eyes. It fled back inside when it realized we had seen it. Her eyes were like two blank saucers and she was so pale that after a second, I started to legitimately worry that she'd had an out and out heart attack. Lucy gently touched her shoulder, "Juvia? Are you okay?"

There was no response other than slumping lifelessly over onto Gray's shoulder, and after a second more, I began to grow seriously worried, so I dove into her mind with my telepathy and immediately jumped back out. The fear in there was so strong that it was contagious. "I don't know what she's freaking out about," I declared after I managed to calm myself down, "But from the way she's panicking, you'd think she had just found out she had to fight Erza, Mystogan, Laxus, and a small army all at once. Her fear's drowning everything else out, so I wasn't able to get anything else out of her mind. Anyone wanna try to snap her out of it?"

Juvia was now slumped against a now fully dressed and very concerned Gray, looking like her very soul had broken. Natsu waved a flame on the tip of his finger from where he was still in the ice stocks, "I bet I can wake her up."

Erza nonchalantly smacked him in the head, "Be quiet Natsu. Jerry, do you have any idea of what might wake her up?"

I thought for a moment and then, "Okay, Lucy, Erza, I'm about to shout something really embarrassing to wake her up. It's just to startle her awake." They both nodded and I shouted, "EVERYBODY! GET NAKED!"

Gray was suddenly butt naked and totally didn't even realize it. I didn't even see him move it was so quick. I still don't know how he manages to strip that fast, especially since I don't think he even realizes he's doing it, and then Juvia leapt away from him with a scandalized shriek as she realized that the flurry of movement next to her was her unwitting pillow stripping completely naked in an instant. Juvia scrabbled backwards away from him pointing an incriminating finger at him, "P-p-p-p-p-PERVERT!"

"Ah, she's going to fit right in!" I declared cheerfully as Gray realized he was naked again and immediately reached for his underwear, blushing so much that his whole body turned pink. Juvia looked vaguely traumatized as she asked what I was talking about.

Erza looked at me flatly, "Jerry, that was a very mean trick."

I shrugged apologetically, "Sorry, it was the only thing I could think of aside from physical violence, and I don't want to hit Juvia. Gray's not a pervert Juvia, he's just got a terrible habit of stripping in public, but we all call him a pervert anyway to annoy him."

"J-j-juvia doesn't really see how that's much different," Juvia stammered as she stared at Gray's very exposed butt as he unwittingly mooned her while pulling his boxers back on. Lucy had covered her eyes and Erza was just used to it. I was torn between being apologetic and trying hard not to laugh my ass off.

Then Gray straightened up and turned around to flash us a thumbs up with a grin, "There! All dressed!" He was wearing nothing but his boxers.

"YOU'RE STILL IN NOTHING BUT YOUR UNDERWEAR!" Juvia exclaimed.

"That's about how much clothes he usually wears," I replied, "It's rarer to see him with pants on than it is to catch him with them down. He's the only person I've ever seen get quite literally punched out of his boxers. It's so odd that I'm not entirely sure that he's not using magic to do it for shits and giggles."

Gray blushed and immediately started hunting for his pants, completely unaware that his boxers were starting to slide down as he bent over to pick them up. Then Juvia blasted him from behind with a firehose like torrent from the tip of her finger, "QUIT MOONING JUVIA YOU PERVERT!"

The torrent cut Gray two full flips and buried him face first in the sand. All that was left visible was his legs sticking up comically as Juvia covered her eyes and blushed furiously. Natsu and I began howling with laughter as it registered with us what had just happened. Then Gray got up trying to look like he had a shred of dignity about him at this point and all we could do was laugh harder as he looked down and realized that Juvia had accidentally blasted his boxers the rest of the way off.

Juvia turned around and sat down with her arms crossed in a huff as she pointedly looked away from Gray, "Juvia will not watch your perverted show! Put some clothes on and do not bother Juvia again! If Juvia didn't have to stay to get Lucy Heartfilia back home safely to her father, Juvia would leave right now!"

Lucy peeked through her fingers, "Wait, what was that?"

Juvia yanked a flier from her pocket and extended it to Lucy without looking, "Your father is most interested in your whereabouts. Juvia's guild was hired to find you."

Lucy accepted the flier and tried to read, and then an angry tick mark formed on her head as she turned as crimson as Erza's hair. Then she jumped and torqued a surprisingly beautiful flying roundhouse kick into Gray's face, "GO PUT SOME CLOTHES ON SO WE CAN HAVE A DECENT CONVERSATION HERE YOU PERVERT!"

I held a little archive screen up with the number 10 on it and handed Erza, Natsu and Happy screens too. Erza's said 8.5, Natsu's said 11 and Happy's just had a picture of a fish. Lucy landed and then blinked as she noticed them, "What's that for?"

"I didn't know you knew martial arts," I declared, "After my arm heals up, we should spar sometime!"

Lucy blushed, "But…I don't know martial arts!"

I looked at her, "Really? You're missing a golden opportunity then. If your hand speed is anything like comparable to that perfect flying roundhouse kick you just sent Gray flying with, then I bet you'd be great at it."

Lucy blushed, "You, really think so?"

Erza nodded, "That was a good kick."

Gray peeled himself off the tree Lucy had kicked him into and snorted blood out of his nose, "Hey Jerry, what did that fortune teller guy say about trouble with water and women?"

I blinked and then started laughing as Juvia asked a little heatedly what he was talking about. I grinned, "Oh a few weeks ago we beat up this little troop of wizards that tried to mug us in the woods. The last one standing was a fortune teller that predicted that Gray would have trouble with water and women unless he heeded the advice of his friends. Now it's coming true because you're a water woman and he's not heeding our advice to put his clothes on and keep them on so he's having all sorts of trouble with you and now Lucy too. I gotta wonder how long it'll be before Erza gets in on it," I added with a grin.

Gray immediately went ghostly pale, snatched up his coat and wrapped it around himself before crouching down so that he looked like a Gray-faced penguin wrapped in a floor length coat as he waddled around picking up his clothes when he walked over them like a little robotic trash collector. He was blushing furiously as we howled with laughter, even Juvia gave in to her curiosity and looked, which got her giggling too.

A moment later, he paused and pulled his head down into his jacket. He moved around in there a bit and then he stood up, revealing himself to now be fully dressed and looking very proud of himself, "AHA!"

Only for his pants to fall right back down.

Juvia and Lucy had to hold onto each other to keep from falling over they were laughing so hard and I was rolling on the ground clutching my gut cackling so hard I couldn't breathe. If it were possible to actually die from laughing too much then Natsu, Happy and I would've been in serious danger. Even Erza was laughing out loud as Gray looked horrified and pulled his pants back up before sitting down so that maybe they wouldn't fall down again.

When we finally managed to stop laughing, Gray was as pink as Natsu's hair and pouting. It was right about then that Lucy remembered the flier in her hand and looked at it like it was made of solid congealed chicken shit. She looked ready to pitch a fit for a moment and then a resigned look settled over her face and she turned to Juvia, "Thank you for bringing this to my attention Juvia."

Juvia blinked in surprise and then smiled, "It's no problem Ms. Heartfilia. I'm just doing my job."

Lucy blushed extra pink, "Please just call me Lucy. This flier's here because I ran away from home." There was a round of surprised blinks and then Juvia asked why she would do that. Lucy scowled slightly, "Because ever since I can remember, my dad has been an icy prick, but ever since my mom died a few years ago, he's become so emotionless that it's like I don't have a father anymore."

Tears sprang to her eyes and she actually shook a little, "I don't think he even sees me as his daughter anymore! I'm just some tool to him, to be groomed and trained and then thrown at some rich guy to make a business deal! That's probably why he wants me back now! I bet he didn't even notice when I ran away! Just you watch, we'll get back there and he'll call me into his study, tell me off and then tell me to go marry some old rich bastard like my feelings don't exist! Like I don't have any say so and should just go along with whatever scheme he's got cooked up to indulge his greedy plans!"

If my eyes hadn't been riveted to Lucy in horror, I'm certain I would've been able to pick out several horrified expressions aside from my own. "Lucy…" I said in a quiet almost whisper. I didn't even know what I wanted to say next, it just popped out. I knew in my head that such rotten people existed, that arranged marriages for business deals were older than time and that they could be terribly unpleasant…but that was all just data in my head. I had never met anyone who'd had the misfortune to run afoul of them before. Now my friend was in front of me crying and I had no idea where to even begin to comfort her.

Then Juvia pulled Lucy into a hug. Lucy blinked in surprise and then Juvia declared quietly, "Juvia's sorry, she didn't know. Juvia won't take you back, not to a horrible place like that."

Lucy's voice was thick with anger and grief as she mumbled, "No, we'll go. We'll go and we'll take Natsu and Jerry and Erza and Gray and I'm going to make it crystal clear to him that I am not his puppet."

Juvia laid her head on top of Lucy's, "Juvia hopes Lucy's father is less disagreeable than Juvia's was."

I know more than a few eyes popped open at that one. Lucy asked what Juvia was talking about and then Juvia revealed quietly, "Juvia's father was the same way. Very rich, but colder than the gold he hoarded. After Master Jose came to take Juvia to Phantom Lord because he had heard about her magic, Juvia's father said such awful things about Juvia and said she wasn't his daughter anymore. Juvia thinks she hadn't been for a long time though." She was quiet for a moment before a small smile graced her lips, "Gajeel-kun beat him up for making Juvia cry and got in trouble with the Magic Council for it, but Gajeel-kun has been Juvia's best friend ever since."

There were a few moments of silence and then Natsu groaned, "Awww man! Now I'm gonna have to take back what I said about Gajeel being a jerk!"

Erza promptly smacked him in the head for ruining the mood.

…

…

I won't bore you with the details on breaking the so-called "curse". That took five minutes, Erza proving she's smart and highly observative on top of everything else, her super strength armor and long-distance javelin, a high-powered blast from me, and a brief explanation. We were then treated to the rare sight of demons joyously dancing in the now freely falling rain (turns out the villagers were actually demons who had been made to forget they were demons to begin with by some sort of holy magical lens cloud over the island).

Instead, let's skip right to the fun bit…what came after we left the village.

The six of us were calmly walking through the jungle, and I had to admit, it was beautiful. Now that the so-called curse had been lifted, I could see this island becoming a major tourist spot. It wasn't the most cheerful of walks though. All of us had our eyes peeled. Erza was out front, then Natsu and Happy were behind her, followed by Lucy, Juvia, Gray and me bringing up the rear. I had my telepathic radar going, keeping my mental eyes peeled for any sign of trouble.

This made the series of giant ground shaking thumps that brought the whole party to a stop all the more surprising. I scanned the area again in consternation, wondering how the hell I missed something big enough to make a noise like that. I frowned and turned, knowing I wasn't going to like whatever I saw as I declared, "I can't sense anything but bugs, birds and a…"

"RAAAAAAAAT!" Juvia screamed.

Granted, as the fifty foot high rat glared at us, I was rather inclined to agree with her, even as I recalled how irrationally terrified Julie had always been of rats. "Gray, make an igloo and then start breakin' out the spears! Natsu! Happy! With me!" I threw out one of my cards and leapt on, immediately sticking myself to it with my telekinesis and lighting myself up like a spotlight as I sky surfed towards the giant mangy…why was it wearing a dress and tutu?

It clicked with me about two seconds later, Dress and tutu, this thing is somebody's pet?! SHIT! They've got a fifty foot tall guard rat?! What the hell else have they got hidden that I didn't pick u-oh shit!

Surprisingly, the rat was quite quick, especially for something that size. I only narrowly dodged the trampoline sized paw tipped with claws that looked more like cavalry sabers as it rocketed through the air in an attempt to swat me. "OKAY MICKEY!" I roared as I righted myself from my impromptu barrel roll out of the way, "YOU ASKED FOR IT!"

I created an illusion of a Gatlin gun (not necessary for rapid fire, but a nice mental trick) and proceeded to unload my Beacon Shroud (as it would thenceforth be known) right at its face, "DIIIIIIIIIIE MICKEEEEEY!" I followed it up with an insane laugh as an absolute barrage of bomb shots fell upon the chef's worst nightmare in a cascade of explosions.

The rat turned, and just as I thought it was about to run away, something that looked like it was the size of a semi-trailer appeared in my peripheral vision and nearly batted me out of the air. If I hadn't teleported, I'd have been out of the fight immediately as its massive tail roared by. I reappeared just in time to see Natsu unleash his Fire Dragon Roar right in the rat's face. The rat decided quite promptly that it had had all it wanted and ran for the shore.

Natsu and Happy glided over to me, "You alright Jerry?!"

"Yeah it missed me," I called back before directing my gaze to the ground, "Heads up, I think we woke up some grumpy locals."

Sure enough, a small army of people in hoods, masks and cloaks were rushing out of a nearby temple set into the base of the mountain we'd been heading towards. They were promptly forced back as a flash flood appeared out of nowhere. Natsu and I gaped and then we noticed Juvia striding forward from the rapidly dissolving igloo with what looked like a pair of miniature hurricanes flanking her. She was clearly quite upset about something. I glanced over at Natsu, "Any idea what pissed her off?"

"I think she's angry about the rat," Natsu mused before exclaiming lightly, "Whoa! Looks like you were right about those wizards!"

I turned my gaze back to the ground and saw a massive golem rip itself out of the ground as a pink haired wizard girl yanked herself and her friend atop it with some kind of magic. Juvia tried to blast them with a firehose like torrent but one of the two on the golem blocked it with what looked suspiciously like a forcefield. Then Juvia was knocked reeling as an invisible force slammed into the ground next to her. The army of hooded guys were currently trying to engage Erza, Gray and Lucy. I saw one guy with claws going after Gray and… actually putting up a pretty good showing! I'd say he should've focused more on Erza since she was by far the biggest threat on our team, but that would've just gotten him eviscerated so…smart move by Claw Boy.

I turned my Gatlin-gun with a grin and called to Natsu, "Well, looks like we're about to have some fun. Normally I'd say air superiority for the win, but I think you'd burn the whole island down if you tried that! Get down there and help handle the mooks, I'll back up Juvia against those two on the rock monster!"

Before the golem could lash out at Juvia, it was engulfed in light and explosions from my Gatlin-gun. I flew down to land next to Juvia and hopped off my card before flipping it up to act as a large shield. Juvia quickly ducked behind it, "That was unnecessary but thank you."

I only narrowly managed to brace the card against the golem's immense fist as it crashed into my makeshift shield. "Guess again," I growled, "Whatever that forcefield is, it's negating our magic! That bombardment would've leveled a city block if it had hit and as much of your water evaporated as splashed on contact. If that hits you, Water Body or not, it's gonna hurt."

Juvia was quiet for a split second and then, "I see. Can you stall them while I make an opening?"

I shot a grin over my shoulder, "You got it!" Juvia nodded and disappeared into a puddle of water that quickly wicked away and through the sand. I willed a dozen more of my cards out and into the shape of a skill saw blade. I grinned and slammed my shield aside before launching my new weapon Captain America style right into the force field. This was the first glimpse I got of my opponents.

One had pink hair and a gothic Lolita outfit going on. Not a bad look for her, but she wasn't nearly as cute as my favorite ladies. Judging by the way her hands were held like she was operating a marionette, I had to guess that she was the one operating the golem. The other wizard with her was apparently the one creating the forcefield. He had hair almost as blue as Juvia's that stood on end like a troll doll, and his eyebrows would've made Rock Lee and Might Guy offer him a green jumpsuit on principle. For anyone who doesn't get that reference, his eyebrows looked like he'd taken a good push broom (not too soft but not too firm, perfect for sweeping copious amounts of sand or dust), sawed it in half, and stuck it to his forehead.

He looked entirely too confident in himself, although I suppose the magic negating field that effortlessly repulsed my card saw was a pretty good trick, and his partner's rock golem did make a good complement to his abilities. I narrowly managed to teleport out of the way as the giant stone fist swung at me again. Telekinetic card shield or not, if I took an overhead swing like that I was screwed.

I teleported behind a tree just in time to catch my card saw as it cut through the trunk like a knife through butter. I disassembled the card saw and kept one out to act as a surf board while I grabbed the unsteady trunk's core with my telekinesis. I lowered the whole tree like a lance and blared trumpets over my Archive speaker to make absolutely sure they didn't notice Juvia sneaking up from behind. "CHARGE!" roared the speakers and I jetted towards the golem with my tree lance leveled at the two atop the golem.

I have to give Mega-brows credit. He didn't even flinch as he started shooting bolts of that magic negating forcefield at me. I ducked and weaved around them, but there were too many coming too fast. He tagged my card and the ground quite literally fell out from under me, but by then it didn't matter because, "WATER SLICER!"

Juvia erupted out of the sand behind the golem and carved it to rubble in seconds with high pressure water jets. Not one to miss an opening, I landed and used my telekinesis to swing my tree like a baseball bat, "BAAATTER UUUP!" POW! Apparently, 'magic proof' does not equal 'tree proof'.

The two wizards atop the golem went flying and I turned my attentions to the rest of the battle, just in time to see Lucy summon the familiar form of Taurus. Really Lucy? I thought, You're only just now summoning Taurus? Then I saw a whole lot of shining pieces of metal go flying from the crowd around where Taurus had just popped up, and a guy with crab legs sticking out of his back and a pair of scissors all but skated out of a pack of masked henchmen that Taurus proceeded to send flying with an axe slam that made the ground explode. I raised an eyebrow, Actually, that's a pretty good combo! Nice one Lucy!

Then Scissors, who I later learned to be Cancer, got nailed from behind and Taurus suddenly roared in terror. My gaze snapped to the bovine behemoth and a chill ran down my spine as Taurus's eyes started to glow a very unfriendly shade of pink. Mega-Brows and Goth-Pinky had gotten up remarkably quick, with a new golem forming under them.

"Well," Juvia mused dryly, "It would seem our opponents are a little hardier than I would've expected. Do you have any more trees to throw at them?" I just grinned and shot my arm out behind me. Fifty two cards shot from my sleeve like massive rocket powered razor blades, and over a dozen trees started to topple.

"Plenty." I grinned before throwing my arm back forward to snatch with my telekinesis and send a barrage of trees like javelins straight at the new golem as Juvia added her own immense water attack. Then we felt our chances drop like rocks as Taurus stepped in front of the golem and spun his axe so fast it looked like a solid disc of steel. Wet saw dust rained down across the jungle floor as everyone present gaped. Then the brainwashed Taurus raised his axe over his head and with a roar like a fog horn slammed his axe into the ground.

I shit you not, a chasm split the island clear to the shoreline from the force of that hit. If Juvia and I had been standing even two feet closer together, he would've gotten us.

Juvia and I took a second to gawk and then immediately ran for cover because Taurus was winding up for another hit, "LUUUCYYY! CLOSE THE GATE!"

"I CAN'T!" Lucy shouted back, "IT'S NOT WORKING!"

Taurus's axe came down again like a meteor…and stopped short as an almighty clash of metal on metal rang out across the clearing. I peeked out from behind the tree I'd dove behind and stared as Erza casually held Taurus's axe to the ground with the tip of her sword, "Well Taurus, that was quite impressive axe work. I've never fought a Celestial Spirit before. Why don't we have a little fun? Just you and me hmmm?"

"NOOOOOO!" Taurus bellowed in a panic before yanking his axe clear for a fresh swing, "I HATE TO HURT A PRETTY LADY, BUT I CAN'T CONTROL MY MOVEMENTS RIGHT NOW!"

"Don't worry!" Erza declared as she easily hopped over his next swing, completely heedless of the way his axe mowed down three trees like they weren't there, "I will make sure you can't hurt anyone!" Then she proceeded to go toe to toe with him. I wanted really bad to watch, because my respect and admiration for the Fairy Queen had just shot through the roof, but right then I had more pressing concerns…

"JUVIA!" I shouted, "TAKE DOWN THE ENFORCERS! NATSU! YOU AND ME ARE HANDLING THE WIZARDS! LUCY! KEEP TRYING TO CLOSE THAT GATE!"

I unleashed a barrage of flash bombs towards the golem. It wasn't lost on me that now that the pink haired wizard was having to control two forms, the golem was moving a lot slower. Mega-brows was still an issue with his forcefield, but even if I couldn't hit through his forcefield, that didn't mean I couldn't blind the puppet master.

"Natsu? Juvia? As in Fairy Tail's Salamander and Phantom Lord's Rain Woman? And I guess that makes the redhead Erza Titania! What an impressive line up! Perhaps I should mention that we are part of a respected wizarding guild ourselves?" Mega-brows called as he forcefield blocked a torrent of flames from Natsu, "Does the name Lamia Scale mean anything to you?"

"Right now, it means people who work for my friend's doofus brother and don't know how to negotiate!" I shouted back as I dove aside to dodge his return fire forcefield blast, "The damned demon's already dead! We're here for the woman in the ice!"

The golem, the wizards on it, and indeed the entire battlefield went instantly quiet as my words made impact. Of course, most of them were already out cold. Half a dozen wizards is a bit much for anything except an equal number of wizards to handle. Then a voice asked from way way too close behind me, "How exactly can you possibly know that?"

I stiffened and then turned to find myself face to face with a guy in a helmet, a cape and much fancier clothes than anyone else on the island. "I'm a telepathic wizard. Ur reached out when I scanned the island for hostiles last night."

"Ur's dead," Helmet-head declared as he raised a hand which immediately started glowing with what I recognized as ice magic. I pointed, "AHA! SO YOU'RE GRAY'S DOOFUS BROTHER!"

I couldn't see his eyes, but the pause indicated a blink, "You know Gray?"

"ICE-MAKE HAMMER!"

Helmet-head's helmet was promptly rung like a bell. It even made a nice gong sound.

To Lyon's credit, he only staggered from the impact, yanking his still ringing and freshly dented helmet off and clutching his head. Granted, it was only about a tenth the size of Gray's usual Ice Hammer, but still, it would've flattened most people. The head full of spiky white hair turned a pained and indignant glare on Gray, "GODDAMIT GRAY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! AND WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"

Gray set the icy hammer on his shoulder, "That's how we say hello to our rivals in Fairy Tail. As for why I'm here, I came out here to retrieve my dumbass fire-breathing friend. I didn't realize I'd find more than one of my rivals out here. Iced Shell turns the user into the ice and preserves their consciousness in a state of suspended animation. Master Ur didn't know an elemental body spell, so she thought it would be the effective end of her, trapped forever as immobile and eternal ice. However, we now have someone with us who does know an elemental body spell, which even happens to be water body, and that means that as soon as Master Ur finishes melting, she'll be able to reform her body and be as good as new. Also, she's finished killing Deliora already, so no worries there either."

Lyon started stammering and protesting. I could hear the gears in his brain grinding and screeching to process that. I calmly raised a hand, "Link."

"Hello Lyon," A feminine voice echoed through my head into Lyon's.

Lyon's head snapped up and he looked around wildly, "MASTER UR?!"

"It's been a long time," Ur declared with what felt like a smile, "You've both grown up so much. I have a favor to ask of you."

"Um, okay?" Gray answered warily.

"Tell Zalty to drop the disguise. You can tie her up if you have to, but I want to hug my daughter once I have arms again."

Wait, what?

…

…

As it turned out, Zalty was the name of a stumpy little bastard in a mask that worked as Lyon's number-one sneak about. Said stumpy little bastard's appearance as such was also actually a magical disguise for a drop-dead gorgeous brunette with a body to rival Mira's as well as the power signature I'd picked up on that rivaled Erza's. I learned from Erza's being utterly floored by the reveal, that she was also a member of Magic Council.

Said drop-dead deadly gorgeous Magic Councilwoman did not take being called by her first name well. She did not like being told that her mother was alive. She really didn't like being trapped in a dome of You-Shall-Not-Pass by Yuka the Mega-brow's Wave, and surprisingly enough, for some reason she really REALLY did not like Gray and Lyon. Even more surprising though?

She HATED me.

Apparently it was somehow all my fault. This lead to another interesting revelation: Ultear's got one hell of a stink-eye on her. It was enough to make Gray and Lyon freeze up immediately, so I guess she inherited it from Ur. She demanded to know how I had known and I responded by bringing her into the telepathic conversation with Ur.

The immediate influx of hurt and rage and unless I misunderstood them, fear and betrayal, was almost enough to immediately shatter the link just from sheer overload. I tuned it to just the four ice wizards and mostly out of my head. The shouting and emotions were still there, but it was like it was going on in the apartment next door instead of inside my head.

I turned to everyone else, "Okay, Ultear is very upset, apparently mostly with Ur, Gray and Lyon. I'm hearing something about being abandoned and replaced. She is very VERY upset with me for making this telepathic conversation possible, but if Ur is right, then she'll be fine once whatever this undoubtedly sad and tragic backstory they apparently have is sorted out. Now everybody stay on your toes because Ultear's a powerhouse, and if that conversation goes badly, then she can probably find a way out of that bubble and whip everyone here except maybe Erza all at once, and she could probably throw down evenly with Erza." That earned some politely disbelieving stares.

Then the temperature started plummeting. I glanced around nervously and I wasn't the only one as our breath started to steam and ice started forming on every available surface at an absolutely alarming rate. "The question now…" I breathed, "Is which one of them is doing that?"

Then the floor exploded as a massive…thing of ice erupted through it, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I came within an inch of wetting myself in surprise. Snow started howling through the room as the temperature plunged even lower. Then I noticed something that made me go pale, "YUKA! THE DOME!"

"HOW THE HELL DID IT FREEZE?!" Yuka shouted over the roaring wind.

Then a voice replied, cutting through the howling localized blizzard easily, "Nothing gets between a mother and her children." Then the flash frozen dome shattered and Gray and Lyon were thrown towards where it had been.

A moment later the blizzard settled down, leaving the entire room covered in snow. We all blinked in confusion and then did doubletakes as we realized there was a beautiful dark-haired woman who looked like a short haired version of Ultear hugging her, Gray and Lyon. Ultear was crammed in the middle and looking a bit stunned.

Silence reigned for what seemed like a long time and then Gray and Lyon seemed to register what was going on and hugged Ur back. I'm not sure which one of them said, "Welcome home big sis."

That was apparently the straw that broke Ultear's… recalcitrance? Reservations? Resentment? The point is she started bawling like a baby and it was messy and sweet and I was very glad I had my Archive because I did not have a camera. Thankfully though, Archive was able to compensate and that picture wound up on no less than four mantles. I could not have been gladder to have put Juvia in telepathic contact with Ur the instant we were in range.

What? I like my contingency plans! There was no guarantee that we'd be able to actually get anywhere near the temple, and we honestly didn't need to for me to connect Juvia to Ur and transfer the elemental body spell that would save Ur, so why wait?

The results clearly spoke for themselves after all.

Now if only Ur's entrance blizzard hadn't caked enough snow and ice onto my face for me to have a full-blown Santa beard of it… Then Erza, Juvia and Lucy noticed and started giggling at it…I reached up and idly scratched it as I conjured an illusion of a Santa hat and turned my cape red to match, I wonder if I should grow my beard out?

I threw my hand out to the side with a wannabe suave look at them, "It is I! Santa Jerry!" All three girls immediately lost it cackling.

…

…

After the tearful reunion had mostly dried up, Ultear stepped back with a smile as bright and happy as any at Fairy Tail, "I have to go for now, there's someone I have to go and see, but I'll come see you at Fairy Tail as soon as I can."

Ur looked at her with an eyebrow quirked knowingly, "Is this about what you were hiding from our telepathic conversation?"

Ultear went pale and started stammering as Gray and Lyon started grinning smugly. Apparently they'd been on the receiving end of that look before quite often. Ur smiled and hugged Ultear again, "Don't stay away too long this time okay?" Ultear almost started crying again, but instead she just nodded and then turned and absolutely booked it for the shore.

I blinked at her rapid departure and then I turned to the three remaining ice wizards, "Okay, so…Ms. Ur and Lyon, are you two coming with us to Fairy Tail or…?"

Lyon coughed lightly, "I'm, actually already a member of Lamia Scale along with my team. The old hag will be angry with us for being gone so long, but I very much doubt she'll kick us out."

"You know she's gonna spin us," Mega-brows Yuka grumbled. A guy who looked very erm…dog like (and I mean that in the best possible way, he seriously looked like a dog!) shouted that the aforementioned hag, who I guess was the guild master of Lamia Scale, was going to be furious with them.

"It's only because she loves us," the girl that had taken over Taurus's body declared.

Lyon nodded, "True. That being said… Master Ur, you should totally join Lamia Scale instead of Fairy Tail!"

"WHAT?!" Everyone from Fairy Tail except me exclaimed. I just face palmed.

Before a fight inspired by guild pride could erupt, Juvia stepped forward, "Um, actually…I think Lyon might be right…but I swear there's a good reason!" she added in terror as Natsu, Gray and Erza gave her a triple death glare that made her seem to shrink down to a tenth her size.

"And what reason," Erza asked as she not-so-subtly summoned a sword, "might that be?"

"Phantom Lord's about to declare war on Fairy Tail and Master Jose aims to wipe you off the face of the earth?" Juvia squeaked, seeming to shrink smaller with each babbled word, "Juvia's really sorry and she argued against it as best she could? Please don't kill Juvia…" There was a protracted and thoroughly stunned silence, and then…

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" everyone from Fairy Tail, me included this time, plus everyone else who understood the import of that, which was everybody, screamed.

Juvia's legs gave out in fear and she broke down in terrified sobs as it all poured out. Granted, it now made sense why she had been terrified to find out that Laxus and Mystogan were in town even as Gajeel was taking off to go find his long-lost siblings and the mission be damned.

Apparently Master Jose of Phantom Lord was a seriously egotistical prick who was feeling threatened by Fairy Tail's awesomeness. Apparently Phantom Lord and Fairy Tail had been rivals since their conception, with their respective first masters having been enemies, so this feud was not new. However since Jose had gotten the job from Lucy's dad and found out that Lucy was with Fairy Tail, Jose's paranoia had skyrocketed and he'd thought that Fairy Tail was trying to buy our way to the top using Lucy's family's money. Apparently, Lucy was the only child of one of the richest men in the kingdom. I tucked that information away for later musing even though I knew it didn't make a damn to how I viewed her. She was still my friend.

Juvia explained how Jose had sent her and Gajeel to take Lucy by force and provoke Fairy Tail into storming Phantom's main base of operations where an ambush would be set up for Master Makarov by the entirety of their S-Class. This was at an additional request from Lucy's father to eradicate Fairy Tail which had only cemented Jose's half-baked plans to start a guild war with the aim of Fairy Tail's wholesale destruction. Lucy looked horrified, Gray and Natsu were a hair's breadth from absolutely losing it, Erza was so pale with rage that I was starting to legitimately worry about her health, and I was an ample plenty of ready to go kill Lucy's dad in the slowest most painful manner I could think of.

"Why are you telling us this?" Erza ground out.

Juvia looked like she wanted to cry some more and then she gathered herself to mumble, "Because Juvia likes you all… Juvia…Juvia wants to be friends with Fairy Tail. In Phantom Lord, we…we don't have friends. Nobody does, but Juvia especially because Juvia makes it rain all the time… Even among the Element Four only Gajeel really likes Juvia…and Master Jose shot down Juvia's protests without even considering them for a moment… Fairy Tail just…seems so warm and happy…is…is it wrong for Juvia to want to switch?!" She asked desperately.

That took us all by surprise. "You want to leave Phantom and join Fairy Tail?" Erza asked in surprise.

Juvia poked her fingers together with a blush under her tear stained cheeks, "Um…if, if that's alright…with Gajeel gone and only the Element Four left to face off against three of Fairy Tail's S-Class, the Thunder Legion, Natsu, Gray and Jerry, Juvia thinks Master Jose is biting off more than he can chew. Juvia thought it was a bad idea even before she knew Laxus and Mystogan were in town, but with those two around?" she winced.

"Juvia's not suicidal, and Juvia doesn't think Totomaru can beat Natsu, also Sol's a big mean dummy and Aria's no better. So if the Mech-Giant doesn't work, and Juvia thinks it doesn't stand much chance given what you all did to that demon Eisenwald summoned, Juvia saw the pictures you know…" she took a shaky breath, "then Phantom doesn't really have any trump cards good enough to beat the rest of Fairy Tail." She exhaled with a sudden flash of annoyance and pouted in a way that was unwittingly very cute, "But does anyone listen to Juvia? Nooooo…fight Fairy Tail they said! It'll be fun they said! Juvia's seen Fairy Tail fight and she wants absolutely no part of it!"

Then Lyon seemed to teleport over to rest a hand on her shoulder as he leaned down with a bright smile, "Oh you don't want to join Fairy Tail Juvia, you should come join Lamia Scale! We're much better than those hooliGANS!"

He went flying as Gray set his ice golf club on his shoulder and quirked an eyebrow, "Fooour. Ice Make Golf-club. Don't diss my guild Lyon."

I missed what came next because Erza immediately had me calling Master Makarov to warn them. Master Makarov laughed and relayed the image of a guy with mismatched black and white hair and a red ninja outfit trying to balance on a new dunking booth while dodging pillows being thrown by half the guild. I burst out laughing as Master explained it over the screen I had pulled him up on with Archive. Juvia went slightly bug-eyed at the sight.

"Totomaru there, the Fire Element of the Element Four, tried to set the Guild Hall on fire," Master explained with a smug grin, "He didn't realize that Natsu does that at least three or four times a week and our anti-Natsu measures caught him. Now everyone's using Totomaru to test out the new dunking booth, and Sol, the Earth Element, is over there." He turned the screen to reveal a green haired man tied up, hanging from the ceiling and covered in confetti while being used for a piñata…by Elfman.

Master grinned, "Mira caught him snooping around Jerry and Lucy's apartment building and called down half the guild on him." Erza nodded approvingly while Juvia twitched ever so slightly. Master grinned, "We also already got full and signed confessions from both of them admitting what Juvia just told you, so we've got blackmail material on Phantom out the wazoo now. Jose tries anything now, and I can throw him to the Council like a doggy bone." He cackled, "Let's see 'em say I run the most troublesome guild in the kingdom now!"

Juvia's eyes went a little wider and then her expression fell and she declared flatly, "Juvia would like to join Fairy Tail immediately. Phantom Lord has far too many dummies in it."

Master smiled, "We'd be delighted to have you Juvia. You're not here yet, but I'll go ahead and say it, welcome to Fairy Tail!"

Juvia perked up at that and then frowned worriedly, "Can Juvia bring Gajeel? Gajeel's the only good thing in Phantom Lord. Juvia would like to keep her best friend."

My smile widened as Master grinned, "The more the merrier!"

Juvia smiled, "Yay!"

…

…

Juvia took a moment to visibly steel herself and then she nodded to me, "Okay, I'm ready." I nodded, "Putting you through."

A guy with a long mustache and a pony tail who looked every bit the slime ball I'd been warned he was appeared on my screen, "Hello? Who is this?"

"Master Jose, Juvia would like to report," Juvia replied.

Jose's eyes widened and then, "There you are! Where the hell have you been Juvia? You were supposed to report in with the Heartfilia girl yesterday!" He looked to either side of the screen, "And where's that moron Gajeel? Who's projecting for you? I know neither of you can do this."

Juvia's face screwed up in rage at the abuse. "That is what Juvia was calling to report about," she ground out.

"Oh, well why didn't you say so?! Get on with it!"

Juvia held her temper in check…narrowly, "Juvia has found Lucy Heartfilia. Lucy Heartfilia was on the S-Class quest to Galuna Island. That quest has now been completed. Gajeel has taken leave of absence to find his family. Juvia will be escorting Lucy Heartfilia to her home and sending the guild's twenty percent of the reward money to you." There were numerous choked back exclamations of TWENTY PERCENT?! Even I raised an eyebrow, that was quadruple what Fairy Tail got of our winnings.

Jose frowned and then roared, "WHAT?! HOW DARE THAT BONEHEAD ABANDON HIS MISSION! I OUGHT TO KICK HIM OUT FOR THIS! HELL, I THINK I WILL…" he made a visible effort to control his shouting and then, "Get the Heartfilia girl back here at once and be ready! Totomaru and Sol should be back soon from burning down the Fairy Tail Guild Hall, and the stupid fairies will no doubt be hot on their heels!"

Juvia twitched as she made a very good effort to keep her voice steady, "Juvia does not think you understood, Master Jose," the venom dripping from his name as she spat it out was almost palpable, "Juvia is taking Lucy Heartfilia to her home and completing the job. It will be Juvia's last job for Phantom Lord so she is sending the guild's twenty percent to the Guild Hall by mail. Did Juvia make herself quite clear, Master Jose?!" Juvia's voice had risen to a near shriek of fury by this point and she took a second to gather herself before continuing.

Jose's face went blank in shock and then Juvia continued acerbically, "As for Totomaru and that bungling moron Sol, those two botched. It. They got caught and told Fairy Tail everything, even signing written confessions Juvia hears, and also Councilwoman Ultear Milkovich's mother is standing right here listening to you along with representatives from Lamia Scale, ALL OF WHOM HEARD THE WHOLE THING. So in short…" she declared coldly, "Phantom Lord is as good as defunct."

"On top of that," she added as Jose went ghostly pale, "all but maybe Gildarts of Fairy Tail's S-Class are currently in Magnolia at Fairy Tail's Guild Hall, or standing right here next to Juvia, as well as their counterpart to Gajeel, his equally formidable rival, the rival's brother from Lamia Scale who would probably jump to Fairy Tail's aid in a heartbeat along with his very formidable team, and the wizard who took out the entirety of the Eisenwald Guild in less than two minutes who was not in fact Mystogan. In short, they have at least half a dozen wizards of the Element Four's caliber or better, as opposed to Phantom's four with Gajeel not fighting, one of which is Juvia, who is quitting, and two of which have already been subdued, therefore they don't count. So you are out-gunned at least half a dozen to one, on top of having lost the element of surprise and Master Makarov having you by the balls with those confessions."

Juvia paused for a moment to let that sink in and then, as Jose looked to be in serious danger of at least fainting and possibly having a full-on heart attack, she continued with a little sniff, "Juvia expects Totomaru and Sol will drag themselves back to the guild after Fairy Tail finishes publicly humiliating them for their amusement, but Juvia will not return and she will tell Gajeel not to either. Juvia is completing this one last job for Phantom and that. Is. IT. So, that being said, there is only one thing left for Juvia to say!" Juvia all but shouted.

Jose flinched back in surprise and no small amount of what looked like fear at Juvia's fury, then Juvia's face softened and she said quietly, "Thank you. For everything." She nodded to me sharply and I cut the transmission.

Juvia took a deep breath, tilted her head back and screwed her eyes shut. Then there was a burst of purple light from her thigh and a strangled "EEP!" escaped her in a way that let anyone who heard it know that she was doing her very best to hold back an outright scream of pain. It only took a fraction of a second for us to realize she had just erased her own guild mark.

Gray, Lyon and I jumped to catch her if she fell, with everyone else present only half a second behind us, but she raised a hand to still our concern and ground out as she fought back tears, "No. Juvia made this choice, she'll…I will stand by it."

"Alright," Gray replied as he stepped forward anyway and set a hand on her shoulder, "But if you need anything, we're here for you." Lyon and I both nodded and I saw everyone else doing the same. A pained grimace twisted across Juvia's face as she cracked her watery eyes ever so slightly and nodded jerkily, "Yep."

Then Gray pulled her into a hug and Juvia went completely still for a moment. I think Juvia might have cut loose the absolute flood of tears she was holding back right then…if not for one little thing.

Said thing being that the flood promptly evaporated as she looked up at Gray in annoyance and growled out with a dangerously twitchy grin, "Gray. Where. Are. Your clothes?"

"AW CRAP! WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?!"

Cue Juvia chasing Gray around the forest calling him a pervert while I used Archive to play some appropriately wacky chase music and everyone howling with laughter. I could be misremembering, but I'm certain in a gasp for breath to fuel further laughter, I heard Lyon mutter with a grin, "Good old Gray…"

Then Ur pulled him into a hug with a mischievous grin and made him blush as red as Erza's hair as he realized that she had just pulled his face straight into her cleavage and her shirt was conspicuously missing. "WHERE ARE YOUR CLOTHES?!" That only redoubled the laughter.

Then Ur asked him in a sultry voice, "Where are yours?"

"AW CRAP! WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?!" I couldn't help it. I freakin' lost it and laughed until I couldn't breathe.

.

.

NEXT TIME, on Mad Little Slice of Heaven...

There was a sound of gauntlet meeting skull, face meeting floor and flying cat being snatched out of the air. Erza's death glare landed on Lucy and she absolutely growled , " MARCH. "

Then they all remembered. All three of them went ghostly pale and Lucy turned and obediently marched in front of Erza over to Master Makarov while Erza dragged Natsu and Happy. I followed behind them along with Gray and Juvia in the silence that immediately fell in wake of Erza, well… pulling an Erza .

Master immediately righted himself and sobered up from where he'd been reclining in his usual spot on the bar and put on his best serious face. To my surprise, he had a remarkably terrifying serious face even when he barely came up to my waist. A part of me wondered if he had given Erza lessons on it at some point, because his was scarier .