AN: Alright everybody! Omake time! This is one of 2 that I currently have written, and this one is based on Chapter 56 of 'Tales of Fairies' by Ricardian Scholar Clark-Weasley. I enjoyed that one and recommend it if you are in need of Fairy Tail based chuckles.

Anyway, this omake contains 5 hints at what is to come later in the story. Good luck finding them! (^_^)

End of Part 1 Omake: Viking AU

I had not expected to wash up on the shores of a Viking tribe's island. It was a fairly decent sized island, although I had to wonder how that gigantic mountain sized tree in the middle was a thing. Giant Redwoods were twigs compared to that tree, but luckily most of the other vegetation on the island was just normal scrub and what have you. The wind wasn't up and the tree's canopy sheltered it from…absolutely nothing when the wind was up because even though it was wide enough to cover the whole island, it was just that dang tall! The buildings were pretty simple affairs: timber, wattle, daub, fairly low to the ground. The meeting hall had stone walls, which I learned as time went on to be a necessity to keep them from knocking it down by accident.

It was cold as hell, but thankfully the Vikings of the island took pity on me. Of course, that might've had something to do with me bashing heads with the best of them as soon as a brawl (which I later learned to be their favorite pastime and bonding activity) broke out, despite still being soaked to the bone with ice in my hair. What? Natsu almost brained me and the gorgeous girl helping me recover from my little subzero swim, with a giant.

After throwing the small giant whose name I learned to be Elfman back, I had proceeded to dive right in and earn some respect. After that came a big meal where I got to know my new friends and I was pretty quickly accepted. I got to know everybody pretty well and come spring time I learned it was time to well, go i-viking (raiding)!

Apparently raping was a bit of a no-no, which wouldn't have been my thing anyway but still quietly struck me as a little bit odd. Then I learned that most of the women on the Fairy Isle Tenrou were originally from the countries the men tended to raid, and the few that weren't had mothers or grandmothers who were. Then it made sense. Nobody wanted an angry wife, girlfriend or female community in general waiting for them when they got home. The fact that the women here are every bit as fierce as the men probably had something to do with it too.

It also explained why everyone on Tenrou was fluent in at least three or four different languages, including English!

It was also worth noting that one of the strongest warriors on the Fairy Isle was a woman (freaking gorgeous woman at that), and Mirajane, the gorgeous girl who'd helped me recover, was apparently not only her equal in combat as well as looks, but she was also the leader, Jarl Makarov's, favorite cook and granddaughter in law. It had vaguely surprised me that she was married, but it did explain why the giant blonde guy, Laxus, kept shootin' me dirty looks prior to that first brawl. I might or might not have blacked his eye and chucked him across the room hard enough to shake the building in exchange for a half broken nose and some bruised ribs. We got along pretty well after that though.

I had wound up setting up shack on the outskirts of town and if I did say so myself, mine was one of the nicer houses. Having a knowledge of modern construction and chemistry helped of course, but it also led to me winding up being regarded as one of the smartest men on the island when people started asking me things and I kept having good answers. There had been some questioning about the possibility of me being a monk which had died a swift death under my glare. Crushing the rock I was holding to powder when asked about it might've had something to do with it too (heheheh suckers. It was gypsum I was powdering to make cement for my house!).

Anyway, flash forward to spring, and we're off to go a raiding! Specifically, we're on the northern coast of what I later identified to be a medieval England. Hence my current situation.

We were on a hill in jolly old England just at the edge of the wood line, overlooking a pretty stereotypical looking castle. It was a kind of peanut butter colored stone, decent sized walls, probably twenty feet high around what I judged to be an approximately fifty foot high keep, and a moat. It was by no means a small castle, and judging by our scouting, the local area and especially the lord of the castle was filthy rich.

Needless to say, it was a prime target for a good raid aside from being stupidly well defended. Only a very foolish to the point of lunacy Viking raid would even consider bothering it. Bummer for them, the Vikings of Fairy Isle Tenrou were one and all completely bonkers. That being said, it really said something that they were looking at me like I was the crazy one.

"You are seriously out of your mind," Gray informed me.

"Good thing too, cause if I wasn't, this'd probably never work," I replied with a grin before squaring myself up a little bit more on the tree we'd pulled back to make a catapult, "Just be ready when I drop the drawbridge."

"I'm all for storming the castle alone, that's about as manly as it gets," Elfman declared, "But this is too crazy even for Natsu!"

Laxus had no such compunctions, "Good luck. If you die going splat against that wall, we'll give a courtesy five seconds before we laugh at you." SWTHUNK! Laxus's sword slammed through the rope holding the whippy little sapling back and I launched.

I was grinning like every bit the lunatic they'd accused me of being, but it was so worth it to stop my momentum by drop kicking that one guard right off the battlement. I didn't even need the makeshift, Batman-style hang glider I'd made my cloak into! I landed on my feet, my momentum sufficiently given away that I could actually do so, and grinned as I drew my twin long knives from where I kept them crossed in the small of my back below my shield, "Top o' the mornin' lads! Die."

It took them all of ten seconds to process what had just happened. By then I had already crossed the distance to the first of them and slit his carotid artery. The next one caught a blade through his throat as well and had the dubious honor of saving my hide from his friend's sword as a human shield right before my knife slipped through the back of that guy's shirt and into his lung as well. Aside from the crash of metal on stone as they fell, they all three went down with hardly a sound. Of course, that first guy had done a perfect Wilhelm scream, so I was still a little confused as I looked around and blinked, Only four guards? Was I that quiet?

I grinned and strode onwards, Oh well! Their loss, now how's this one work? It took me about two minutes to deduce the drawbridge's operating mechanisms and where they were located.

Five minutes, three improvised grenades (Fairy Isle's sulfur rich hot springs! Gotta love 'em) and a whole lot of dead bodies later, the drawbridge fell. I took the stairs down from the guard house two at a time and drove my knives through the chest of another very surprised looking shmuck on my way down. Of course, there aren't many logical reactions other than surprise to have about a Viking literally jumping on you to flatten and stab you. I quickly withdrew and sheathed my knives, relieved the freshly dead guy of his longsword, and immediately went to work on the three guys that had been about twenty feet behind him.

Block, sword into throat, sidestep the overhead swing and stab through ribcage as he overextends, relinquish sword hilt to dodge thrust, and straight fingered strike in throat to crush windpipe. Long knife and stab with free hand while he realizes he can't breathe and knee in the gut for good measure. I drew my other knife almost absentmindedly as I surveyed the courtyard for any more signs of opposition.

Then Natsu was next to me, "DUDE! THAT WAS AWESOME!"

Gildarts (our raiding chief and the strongest guy we had by a mile) patted me on the shoulder as he walked by, "You might just be good enough for Cana." Cana was Gildarts' drop dead gorgeous but severely alcoholic daughter who nobody was allowed to even look at too much unless they could best him in a fight (ie nobody). Needless to say, that was about the highest praise that could be offered by anyone from the Fairy Isle.

Then Gildarts reminded us why nobody got to woo Cana as he nonchalantly punched what I confirmed on my way by to be a six inch thick oak door to friggin' splinters.

"Very much appreciate it, but I think I'll stick with the traditional method of kidnapping a cutie on a raid actually," I told him as we proceeded into the entrance hall, "If Cana's even a quarter as strong as you she might kill me in her sleep by accident!"

Gildarts laughed and told me that was a good answer.

We didn't even have to question anybody to find out where they were keeping the food thanks to Natsu's nose. Natsu led the team to get the food, Laxus and Gildarts went with Freed (our best translator aside from myself) and a few more of our number to get the lord of the castle to kindly cough up the whereabouts of the treasury, and Bickslow, Erza and I led the *ahem* exploratory teams.

I was the one who hit the jackpot. I found the local lord's daughters. They tried to keep me out. Tried and failed, but of course, how were they to know that I was packing explosives? For that matter, they probably didn't even know what explosives were. As far as I knew, I was the first one to come up with them in this part of the world, let alone weaponize them. After the smoking remains of the door collapsed, I proceeded through, "Knock kno-o-ock! Room service!"

I found them both in a corner behind a very cute maid with pink hair and a right bitchy looking older woman with blue hair. I stroked my beard (a must in the cold weather of the Fairy Isle), "Okay, I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and say you two lovely young blonde ladies are the ladies of this castle?"

"DON'T YOU DARE ADDRESS THE LADIES OF THIS HOUSEHOLD!" the blue haired woman screeched.

I blinked and then looked at one of my team, "'Ey Scorpio, you want that one?"

"ALRIGHT!" Scorpio exclaimed delightedly before darting forward and scooping up the blue haired woman, tossing her protesting over his shoulder and shooting me a thumbs-up as she began to flail at him like a fish on a hook, "See you guys at the ship!"

He took off with a deranged cackle worthy of Bickslow and I turned back to the remaining three girls only to immediately have to catch a book thrown at me. I opened it and calmly folded the poor bent pages back straight before closing it gently. I held it up and pointed at it, "Well I'm sure this is a nice book, and yes I do like books, but I'm afraid we all know that's not what we're here for."

"Are you here to rape us?" The pink haired maid asked with an odd expression that wasn't quite the outright fear I'd expect from someone uttering that statement. She actually looked…almost excited, but that couldn't be right…right?

"Correct me if I'm wrong but I'm pretty sure it doesn't count as rape if I take you home, romance you and convince you to let me marry you. Taking a wife from the mainland is rather traditional on Tenrou," I pointed out calmly before musing, "Granted, there might be some courts of law that would argue otherwise, but I'm pretty sure that those courts would already be screaming for my head given that I've killed at least a dozen guys today. So." I smiled warmly, "What are your names?"

"I am Virgo and you will not harm Mistresses Lucy and Dimaria!" the pink haired maid declared boldly as she stepped forward and spread her arms protectively, "Do what you will with me, but you will not harm them!"

I pondered that for a moment and then smiled, "I assure you Virgo, I'm not going to harm either of them." I darted across the room and tossed her over my shoulder just as Scorpio had his new lady friend, "You on the other hand I might just have to take up on that 'do what I want with you' thing!"

"V-virgo!" The blonde with the longer hair exclaimed as she lunged forward, "You let her-gah!" She promptly found herself catching her pink haired maid, and before any of them knew what was happening, I'd tied up all three of them with the rope I carried under my shield. Although to her credit, the one with the shorter hair actually managed to sock me pretty good before I twisted her arm around her back and tied her hands. "I can't decide which of you is the cutest, so I'm taking all three of you home with me!" I declared with a grin, "Don't worry, we treat women very well. I wasn't kidding when I said none of you will be harmed. Well, ya might get bonked over the head if you make too much of a fuss."

"Are you really gonna keep all three of 'em?" Wakaba asked me.

"You're already married," I told him flatly, "But in all seriousness, it's not an issue if my future bride wants to have her sister and personal servant living with us is it? And if I wind up bedding all three of them, well," I grinned mischievously as two out of three wailed in distress, "I don't recall any rules saying I can't do that. WILL YOU QUIT THAT HORRID YOWLING?!"

…

…

We wound up hijacking a couple of wagons from the castle's stable to haul our loot with. When we loaded the ship, it was actually sitting low in the water. That took some doing, the Tenrou Wind was not a small ship.

"Wow, you really are a greedy bastard," Gray told me amiably as he observed my triple catch, all three of whom were now sitting in a row against a wall, two out of three with gags in and all three with their hands tied.

I shrugged from where I was sitting on top of a trunk load of their clothes (which would bring them a bit of comfort and me a bit of money if I sold some of them to the ladies of Tenrou), "It would be exceedingly cruel to separate the two sisters from each other, and Virgo, she's the one with the pink hair, actually seemed rather excited about the whole thing and has been very agreeable. Sooo, I figure if the blondes don't work out, I can marry Virgo and let the other two go to someone who needs one."

Then the shorter haired sister managed to work her gag loose and spat it out. "Speak plainly barbarian," she snapped at me, "What are you planning to do with us?"

I slid off the trunk and crouched in front of her, "I have a name. It is Jerry. You should use it." She gave me a look that would've curdled milk and I smiled at her thinly, "As for what I intend to do with you, I intend to give you a nice warm bed to sleep in, food which I will expect some help with cooking, a very nice house to live in which I will expect some help cleaning when it needs it, and a new life on the Fairy Isle Tenrou, where women and men are equals…something that I'm pretty sure jolly old England is not very up on if I recall rightly."

Three pairs of eyes went wide with surprise, "E-equals? What are you talking about?" she asked me, clearly flustered by the very notion. It also gave me an opportunity to see how ridiculously pretty her eyes were (they were a very warm amber color, not quite golden, not quite chocolatey but still very easy to get lost in when they weren't glistening with steely disdain and fury).

"He means," Erza declared as she walked over, "That a woman may be just as much a warrior, head of house or whatever else she wants, and that anyone who says otherwise is an idiot whose foolishness is not tolerated on Tenrou."

All three of my potential wives gawked at her as they registered that Erza was a woman. Erza looked over at me, "Jerry, why have you still got them tied up?"

I pointed at the shore fading on the horizon, "Until we're too far for them to try anything absurd like swimming back, I don't want to risk them doing anything absurd, like trying to swim back."

"And the gags?"

"They wouldn't quit screaming and crying," I declared flatly before pointing at Virgo, "Please note! Virgo has been very well behaved and as soon as I'm sure she won't try anything daffy, she'll be the first one I cut loose to do as she pleases. Come ooon! I even brought their clothes and possessions so that they wouldn't feel so out of place on Tenrou! Granted I plan to sell some of it, good profit and they won't need nearly this many clothes, but still! It's the thought that counts right?"

"Y-you lie!" the shorter haired blonde protested before Erza could answer, "You, you're a Viking! A barbarian! I might believe that bit about selling our clothes to your own women, but do you really expect me to believe you've no intention of raping us?!"

I pointed at Erza, "Have you met Erza Scarlet? She's one of our toughest warriors. While it's true I did dismantle your castle's entire garrison by myself, Erza's still a much more fearsome fighter than I am, and I'm pretty sure she'd hang mine or anyone else's balls from her mantle if she caught us raping. As you can imagine, being a woman herself, she doesn't take very kindly to that." Erza nodded with a proud little grin on her face at having her battle prowess praised and authority acknowledged.

"B-but…you said you were going to bed all three of us!"

"I said there was no rule saying I couldn't if you all three wanted to," I corrected, "If none of you want to, then that's fine! I'll be disappointed sure, but I'm not one to force myself onto anybody. Seriously, are you utterly blind to how damn cute you are? What man wouldn't want to bed you?"

She struggled with that for a moment and then, "So why did you capture us if you weren't taking us to be slaves?"

I sighed, "Again, I want a wife. Not a slave. A wife. I very specifically stated that right after I blew the door off its hinges and you threw a book at me!"

"That was actually Lucy," she told me with a pout as she looked away. DAMMIT SHE WAS SO CUTE!

"So that makes you Dimaria?" She froze and I knew I was right, "Well Dimaria, it's very nice to meet you. You as well Miss Lucy, and Virgo, you already know I've taken a shine to you."

"How do you know our names?" Dimaria asked warily with no small amount of dawning terror in her eyes.

I patted her on the head with a smile, "You must've been really out of it from the panic. Virgo introduced you all when I asked if you were the lady of the castle." She attempted to bite my hand and I snatched it away with a grin, "Oh my, it seems I've caught a little dragoness!"

Cue Natsu popping up as if summoned by magic, "Dragon?"

I sighed, Natsu was quite possibly the only person I'd ever met who liked dragons as much as I did, we even jokingly called him one because he was prone to using alcohol and torches to set things on fire, including his enemies. I frowned at him, "You can't have Dimaria. One dragon per household is more than a plenty."

"By that logic you can't have her either," Freed told me slyly as he walked over, "Or were you unaware that you're already gaining the nickname 'Black Dragon' for your taking that castle by yourself? We had begun to wonder if you were a wizard, but after seeing you singlehandedly storm a castle and lay waste to the entire garrison by yourself, dragon seems more appropriate."

I grinned and rocked back and forth on my toes a little, utterly glowing with smugness, "Higher praise cannot be given! Well except for what Gildarts said, but…ya know!" I shook the smug off, "Anyway, yeah Fried, if that's the case, then I have to take that previous statement back and amend it to 'a dragon needs a dragoness'…" I reached out and quickly curled Dimaria into my arms so I could set my chin on her shoulder as I leveled a pointed glare at Natsu daring him to argue, "but this one's mine, so you still can't have her!"

Dimaria went ramrod stiff and glared at me out the corner of her eye, "I, I am not!"

"Yet," I replied with a grin.

…

…

A year and a half later I wrapped an arm around Dimaria's shoulder as she laid in bed and kissed her gently, "Love you."

Dimaria smiled at me cheekily as she held our newborn twins, a boy and a girl, "Of course you do, a dragon needs his dragoness."

And they lived happily ever after.

THE END

AN: Before anyone accuses him of nonconsensual cuddling, Dimaria wound up falling for Jerry very hard and very quickly once she got to know him.

I sincerely hope you all enjoyed this little omake,

...but given that I don't think it's garnered a single comment either time I've posted it, you probably didn't.

Thanks for bearing with it anyway.

Nobody's ever even tried to guess what the five hints were... (-.- )

.

Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled programming!