Chapter 2: Are These Lies We Tell Ourselves?

Despite everything that he was able to remember from the day before, Shinji Ikari could not recall the last time he woke up from such a heavy sleep. He could not recall stirring or moving from the futon once through the whole evening or even the need to relieve himself in any way. As he slowly opened his eyes, he concluded that whatever blanket he used was fit more for a colder situation than just a simple bedroom.

As he began to perceive more of the area around him tough, he came to realize only a little later that he did not sleep with a blanket last night. He looked to his left and realized that he was sleeping with another human entirely. It was even more flustering when he realized who it was.

Shinji's eyes refocused themselves to at last confirm that indeed he was sleeping with his guardian, Misato Katsuragi, just as naked as he was. He let out a gasp when he realized his situation. He was ready to dismiss his first sexual experience as a very disturbing dream that he had. Try to manage as he might however, Shinji could not think of anything that would remind him of a reality that he was currently denying. He was in it, and he was being asked to face it in whatever way he thought would be appropriate.

For the moment he came to be realize there was only one thing that Shinji allowed himself to consider. He untangled his arms out of his embrace with Misato and pulled away as slowly as he could. He found himself relieved when he saw Misato seemed completely unaffected by his separation and stood up to find his clothes from last night sprawled out beneath him. He gathered them into a pile in his arms and used what small steps he could make to get himself out of the bedroom and not allow Misato to awaken from his intent to leave the area.

The moment he made his way out of the bedroom was the moment Shinji held tight onto his clothes and began to make a sprint to the other side of the apartment. Throwing himself into the nearest bathroom, Shinji dropped his clothes and stepped into the shower where he turned on the show's water to its coldest setting. The immediate contact with his skin became a stark contrast to the union he had with Misato but allowed the stream of water to be the only thing he would concentrate on for the time being.

He clutched both sides of his body as he endured the chill that formed its way through his body. For an additional measure, he reached for the soap and brought it down to his groin area where he scrubbed around the area with several quick strokes before a trail of white bubbles were left behind. This was only the first step before he proceeded to make the same series of strokes across the remainder of his body in a desperate hope that he would wash away whatever smell of Misato was left lingering on him.

His shower was completed as soon as he wiped the last of the soap off his body and dressed himself to prepare for remainder of the day. While he wanted to be an act of cleaning himself of what he had done last night to be as simple as his morning ritual, he knew that there would be much for him to face for the remainder of the day. Most importantly when Misato woke up and would no doubt remember their act last night as well as he did.

If he was going to have any chance of avoiding it however, he needed to do every bare minimum morning preparation and find his way out of the apartment immediately. Such a part of the morning required him to think of the first fast to make breakfast that he could manage and prepare to leave it for Misato before she had the chance to wake up. He looked to the clock and saw it was still a morning hour where he did not usually see Misato up and awake or prepared to make her way to work and set out to make use of what time he was given.

He was thankful when he remembered how Asuka was not present in the apartment in the moment if only to make his current situation a little easier. What he was asked to deal with however was bound not to be as easy however when he considered that he would be expected to offer some sort of condolence when she would inevitably receive news of Kaji's death. Shinji could do nothing but let out a sigh as he made his way to the refrigerator while he lamented that even in his escape from Misato, he would still have a whole world full of people who would be affected by the recent death of one of NERV's own people.

In his search through the refrigerator, Shinji gave a sigh of relief when he found some leftover chicken fried rice that he could work with. Grabbing the nearby eggs, he made his way to the stove and began to work. A short while passed before he completed an omurice and prepared to place it on the table as the offering he needed to command Misato's attention if only for a little extra time.

His plan was undone when he heard, "Shinji?"

Shinji looked up as he placed his omurice on a plate and saw that indeed Misato had woken up. In spite of his attempts to run away from being confronted again, he had discovered that he was soon to be once again face to face with the woman he did not hope to meet face to face with any time soon. Her current presence however made it very clear that he would not have the opportunity to run. Forced to recognize where he was, Shinji cleared his throat as he greeted, "Uh… Good morning…"

Misato looked around nonchalantly when she found Shinji's hasty morning work on display before she gave a small smile to ask, "You still manage to be more of a morning person than me don't you?"

While he was relieved not to hear her in a state of anguish like she was last night, Shinji knew it was still there even as Misato tried to start off the day like a completely normal one. He came to decide that trying to brush away his original intentions was the best he could do right now when he told her, "I got hungry. I can just start my own if you'd like."

Misato smiled at the offer when she made her way to sit at the table and accept, "You do know how to treat a girl in the morning."

Shinji sat Misato's omurice in front of her as he made his way back to the stove where he used the remainder of the chicken fried rice to complete his own breakfast. The repetition only gave him a short few minutes as he allowed himself to be lost in thought from the daunting events that occurred last night. Much like all of his fortune that came to pass over the last few hours, it seemed that it would be too short to amount to anything meaningful.

Shinji brought his omurice to the table before making his way back to the refrigerator and grabbed a can of Yebisu beer before handing it to Misato. The two sat across from one another as they were left to eat in a silence. The silence became a period that continued to weigh itself on Shinji as he gradually became more anxious with every passing moment that he sat across from Misato. He could not comprehend what she was thinking in the moment but found it difficult not to immediately come to the most difficult conclusion.

For all of his intention to free himself from the idea of being subjected to pain, Shinji felt as though he had been dragged into one instance after another where it seemed as though he was being asked to choose one form of it over another. His choice now was to either be the one who would bring up the subject of last night or be the one to be talked to about it. As he watched Misato eat and drink her beer in what seemed to be a sense of peace, he felt guilty that he was considering the necessity to interrupt it by bringing up what he feared would be a dangerous beginning of something far worse.

Shinji lay his spoon down when he came to the decision that being the one to begin the conversation was the only way that he would discover what sort of pain he was about to be subjected to. He tried to begin the conversation when he told her, "Miss Misato, I think we need to talk."

Misato dropped her empty beer can to the floor when she realized that Shinji was beginning a new conversation and agreed, "I guess it must be important huh?"

Misato's attempt at indifference towards the introduction gave Shinji hope that his offer would proceed without interruption. This incentive to move forward was not enough for him to feel as though it would have been an easier experience however as he told her, "It's about… well, last night."

Misato realized the subject that was about to be approached as she dropped her spoon. Shinji was not sure if she was as hesitant as he was about addressing what had occurred last night but having made himself the one to raise the point placed a responsibility on him that neither of them were anxious to address. Misato placed her hands under her chin when she accepted, "Well I… I guess I should hear what you say."

Shinji pressed his fingers against the top of the table as he tried to find the words he believed needed to be explained. While he could not say the fear of facing Misato with the truth was as hard as it was last night, he was able to realize that he was still in a delicate place with her still processing the death of Ryoji Kaji from last night. Reminding himself of this factor was enough to make him linger in hesitation before he finally managed to explain was might have been the most necessary comment that morning, "What we did is… something we shouldn't have done."

Shinji cringed as he feared what the reaction would be. He could tell how broken Misato still was that morning or if she was going to have a difficult time accepting what he had to say. The least he wanted was the opportunity to free himself from what he feared would the beginning of something he would regret.

He felt a little relief when he saw Misato sigh at first before asking in response, "We really shouldn't have huh?" The silence hung in the air between the two of them again before Misato continued, "We… okay, I was really emotional last night. Probably as much as I am when I get drunk. But you're right. What I did to you…"

Hoping to assure her that she was not alone, Shinji tried to remind her of how serious the loss would be to everyone when he pointed out, "Miss Misato, I'll miss Kaji too. I didn't want anything like this to happen to him."

Misato smiled before letting out a small sigh and confirming, "You never would. You're better than me that way."

Shinji heard an implication through Misato's comment when he pointed out, "But I thought you were happy that you were getting back with him."

Misato shook her head when she tried to dismiss the ill feelings she remembered having when she agreed, "I was. I guess I always thought he was going to be safe somehow. That I'd be able to start something I hadn't felt in years. Well, I was close."

In hopes that he finally managed to get on the same page with Misato on the nature of their encounter, Shinji asked, "So that should be it. We just don't talk about it again?"

Misato leaned a hand on her cheek as she accepted in a disappointed tone, "Yeah. We do that and we'll save ourselves a lot of trouble. After what I did to you though, I really can't help but think you'll be put through some serious damage."

Realizing that he was raising some serious concerns for what she had put him through before, Shinji tried to dismiss what might have been changing him when he told her, "After all I've gone through, it's not like anything last night is going to scar me or anything."

Misato chuckled when she agreed, "If I let everyone know about this, they'd be asking why I haven't taken you to court already. Acting like I was the one who got violated."

The attempt at a joke made Shinji recoil when he wondered how much of what happened last night was his full responsibility. He tried to admit he had some guilt when he asked, "I really should have stopped shouldn't I?"

The question earned a laugh from Misato when she corrected, "You're the one who has to go out and fight giant monsters that most adults are afraid of. I should have made myself your concubine ever since I took you in." Allowing herself to be more flippant with her processing of the situation caused Misato to forget who she was talking to. As if to remind her, Shinji looked down at the table in shame from what she had just said. She reclaimed her composure before clearing her throat to offer, "I'm… sorry about that."

Shinji looked back up to her when he tried to tell her about his intentions, "Miss Misato I… never even thought of treating you that way."

Misato leaned back in her chair when she tried to remind him of what he brought attention to before when she told him, "Like I said, that makes you better than me. I'm too high maintenance for you to even think about."

Shinji shrugged when he told her, "I thought Asuka would tell me that. I don't know if I'll ever get her."

Misato raised a finger to the area behind Shinji when she pointed out, "You might want to get headed to school, speaking of which."

Shinji turned around to notice the time when he realized, "Huh? Ah crap you're right."

With what was meant to be the beginning of another day, Shinji was given the opportunity to reclaim a sense of normalcy that he was originally denied. He rushed to his bedroom and quickly dressed before grabbing his books for school as Misato asked him, "See you later tonight right?"

Shinji nodded as he passed her by and agreed, "Yeah, not like I wouldn't."

Misato watched Shinji make his way to the front door as he prepared to make his way out to live another routine day that he could turn to as a sense of solace. Despite the agreement that he would not leave her alone that night, Misato felt a sense of disappointment knowing what the meaning behind the words actually meant. Shinji was not the sort of boy who was anxious to rush out and embrace the company of those around him. At least there was that and the fact that he had a schedule of chores to stay attendant to.

Part of her wished that Shinji had a more rebellious nature that would have tried to free himself from the confines that she placed on him. As she considered the conflict that he was still managing against and what threat still hung in the air above the human race, she came to recognize how it seemed less and less likely that he would ever get the chance to really experience what a normal life would be like. Not only for him, but for her as well.

As Shinji made his way to school, he carried with him the hope that he would never have to look back on the previous night under any other light. His hopes of keeping such a night secret made him immediately think back to one of the first days he attended. One of the first things he was ever asked by one of his fellow students was whether or not he was the newly selected pilot that NERV had chosen for Unit-01.

Such a recollection made him shake his head when he asked himself, "Why did I ever say I was?"

His attempts to rationalize why he would have answered honestly that day made him come to realize something about secrets in general. Eventually, even the most closely guarded ones would have a way of making themselves known despite the intentions of the holder. Even if he had kept himself from revealing his identity that day, he could only imagine how Toji would have wanted him to hurt even more than he did after beating him up. Lies being a dangerous thing to hold onto was a familiar warning for Shinji but he felt himself debating if the same principle would still apply when it came to the matter of the previous night.

Despite the pain from being beaten being the exception, the positive initial reception from his classmates was not only nice to receive but seemed to be an indication that such a revelation was not going to make him appear to be a person who was willing to break the norms of society. His encounter with Misato however was enough to make his mind race with the question of how he would be perceived. While he might have received a sign of approval from his two friends as congratulations, he did not imagine that he would have the same reception from the remainder of the class. Even more alarming was the idea of what few cases of pedophilia he did hear did not seem to be eagerly accepted by anyone.

Being placed in such a confined situation made Shinji feel as though there was someone with a gun prepared to shoot him at the first corner he turned. If the secret he had just made for himself was ever going to find its way to the people, he would need to find a way to keep it from being revealed at some point. But revealing it at any point seemed to be an invitation to making a confession rather than hoping for an answer that would provide advice for him. Such a block was an intimidating one for Shinji at first but gave way for him to decide to approach one of the few people he felt right in offering trust in.

Kensuke Aida was one of the first few students to have made his way into Shinji's classroom and used the free time he had to look at his Heavy Fighter Jet-VTOL model he had placed in front of the window he sat next to. While not as socially awkward as Shinji ever managed to be, the hospitalization of his friend Toji still left him shaken at what happened over a month ago. Thinking back to this great tragedy of a potential pilot for NERV kept him from wanting to reach out to others at the moment but found himself brighten when he looked up to see Shinji making his way up to him.

Before the class begun, Shinji made his way up to his friend when he asked, "Hey Kensuke, you doing alright?"

Kensuke looked up when he prepared his laptop and greeted, "Yeah, yourself?"

Shinji tilted his head to lean on his raised shoulder when he asked, "Can I ask you a question up on the roof?"

Kensuke looked up to Shinji when he heard the offer and asked, "Up there? You need the secrecy for something?"

Shinji pocketed his hands as he kept himself from fidgeting in nervousness before he answered, "It's some secret stuff that I'm not sure everybody else should hear."

As he saw Shinji attempt to keep himself clam in what seemed to be a desperate situation, Kensuke paused before he accepted, "Okay, if it really is, it's between you and me only. I'll see you up there at lunch."

Shinji nodded as he made his way to his desk when he told Kensuke, "That's great. I'll see you then."

The personnel at NERV were as thankful as any other human that another day was passing where an Angel was not preparing to fulfill whatever mission was assigned to them. While serving as the frontmost force in protection of Earth, it was filled with people who were hopeful there would come a day where they might not be needed. Misato Katsuragi was no different even with the number of responsibilities that weighed on her shoulders.

For a routine day such as this one Misato had only one goal in mind, come off as professional and unfazed by recent events as possible before she could let herself get as wasted as she needed to be to forget last night. Since the goal kept her from drinking on the job, the day would continue to drag on as it did for the past few hours and leave her to simply take everything that would come her way. It was not as easy as she hoped it would be since she knew she would have to avoid being seen by one of her friends in particular.

"Where is your focus today Major?"

Unfortunately her streak of keeping separate from everyone came to an end when Misato heard Ritsuko ask that question as Misato attempted to make her way to the restroom area. She cringed as she realized that she did not offer Ritsuko her full attention hoping that she would be granted even just a little leeway for her recent behavior. She apologized, "Uh, I'm sorry Ritsuko. I haven't been feeling well."

Ritsuko shook her head at the explanation before asking, "Just now?"

Misato lingered for a few seconds before she finally admitted, "It's been all day."

The confirmation earned a sigh from Ritsuko as she reminded, "Everyone knows what happened Misato. If the recent events are affecting your work ethic, then request time off."

Being given such an indifferent reminder left Misato disappointed but knew that she should not have anticipated anything else when Ritsuko remained determined to fulfill her duties to NERV rather than support its personnel. Desperate to avoid any more of her ire, Misato tried to solidify why she was still present, "I was thinking about it. Honestly I don't think I was ever more anxious to head back into work though."

Ritsuko raised an eyebrow as she tried to rationalize her friend's intentions, "An unusual reaction. You believe it will help take your mind off things?"

This became the moment that Misato dreaded facing as she knew it would force her to reveal more about herself while avoiding a serious subject. There were unsavory things about her that only her friends seemed willing to accept but was still conscious about what boundaries she might be pushing if she revealed the whole truth. There were few who would openly say they were fine with lying but Misato was moved to fear that this might soon become her only option. How many would have been willing to accept that she had gone so far with Shinji of all people?

Misato answered Ritsuko's inquiry by admitting, "Yeah. And I might not be tempted to… go out again."

The answer was enough to make Ritsuko back away as she asked in disbelief, "You went out right after Kaji's death?"

Misato sighed when she realized the implications she gave her friend before she answered, "What can I say? At my age, it's just what I'm good for."

Ritsuko sighed as she turned away from Misato to dismiss, "What you chose to do in your free time is for you to decide."

Watching her leave, Misato realized that she would have no further comments as she crossed her arms and asked, "Always a pal huh Ritsuko?"

It seemed to become a common theme for much of Misato's life that she would only be given a few inches towards discovering what made her life difficult only to be reminded that she was still an adult forced to make her own decisions. Even many of those she considered to be her friend saw no reason to oppose this since there were always other ways that she could have dealt with this situation without making her inadequacies affect those around her. With no other way to prepare herself for the remainder of the day, Misato decided there was one other alternative that would allow her to help her find the energy she needed.

Having made her way to the coffee machine, Misato resigned herself to preparing the bitter fluid as her only means of keeping herself from seeming more on edge recently. She was denied the privacy of her process as soon as she heard footsteps making their way behind her. Misato turned around to see one of the Magi technicians of NERV, Kaede Agano, stepping behind her as she waited for her turn to use the machine.

Misato was not left alone though as she heard Kaede ask, "Major, have you seen Dr. Akagi making her way to the Magi supercomputers?"

Removing her cup from the dispenser, Misato confirmed, "Yeah. I think that's where she was headed. Just met her in the bathroom, not sure what she was up to."

As much as Misato was not hoping to be dismissive of others, she could not find herself mustering the desire to speak with others when she had such disappointment to deal with. It was for this reason that she only stepped out of Kaede's way and sat at one of the nearby benches before pouring her coffee down her throat. Try as she might to place a barrier between herself and others, the sight of Misato so intent to drown out her problems became too much of a sight for her to ignore.

Kaede sat down next to Misato before asking, "Have you not allowed yourself to rest recently?"

As though she had just taken a great chug out of a Yebisu can, Misato let out a breath before answering, "I'm dealing with it as I go. Nothing that serious."

"That sort of attitude just means you're trying to hold back what you want to say."

Realizing that she had been forced into a corner with nowhere to run from the Magi operator, Misato crumpled her coffee cup before throwing it in the trash and answering, "I never can fool you huh Kaede? Well you heard what happened to Kaji, nothing I shouldn't be used to."

Kaede immediately recognized the sorrow that had taken hold of Misato and told her, "That's right. Ryoji Kaji was your boyfriend. That's so sad what happened to him."

Misato struggled to keep herself from breaking down before she managed to confess, "Right now, I wish I was sad. I sure as Hell didn't care enough about him considering how fast I moved on."

"Misato, no one moves on from something that fast."

"You'd be surprised. Last night I broke down into tears and… made myself someone's score."

In spite of the subject becoming more difficult for Misato to avoid revealing the worst part of the truth to anyone else, Kaede managed to find a way to press her further by asking, "With someone you know right?"

Misato smirked as she prepared to make a joke of the situation without revealing the entire story, "Yeah. A little love triangle I never thought was going on. However long this is going to go anyway. I might as well try and get it over with before things just get worse."

Misato realized her mistake too late as it caused Kaede to leap at her dismissal, "You couldn't possibly be considering leaving him. You can't move on from Kaji if you're intent on only dedicating every moment of your life to him after his passing."

Having stuck herself in a corner, Misato realized how she had trapped herself with someone she did not initially think would be worth turning to for assistance. None of the technicians working on Magi could be considered unfriendly, but Misato struggled to believe that she could find assistance with women who were in the ballpark of Maya's age. Years made a difference in experience and knowledge as she came to recall from prior experiences.

Even more alarming was the fact that she was dangerously close to revealing who she had just had her recent affair with. She already knew how bad of a situation it would be to reveal to her superiors, starting from someone under her rank would only cause her life to crumble at a slower rate. If life whatever path it was going as ordained to by whatever higher power deemed proper, it would require Misato to follow through the agreement that she and Shinji made and simply treat last night as an accident that would not occur again.

Desperate to dismiss the subject, Misato waved a hand, "With my line of work, I'd say it's the best choice I can make. It's a conflict of work interest anyway and he probably has a laser pointed at his head right now."

"Unless you're referring to someone higher rank than you, I doubt that it is the case."

Misato's face soured at Kaede's persistence before she admitted, "You're right… It's… For conversation's sake, let's say it's Mitsuru."

A brief turn to Kaede was all Misato needed to confirm that she was unsure how honest she was in naming him. She had a little relief at first only to receive another harsh reminder, "Okay, we'll say it is Mitsuru. Being apart from one another is not going to solve anything. How many times have you gone out with Satsuki only to tell her how lonely you were afterwards?"

There were a few times that Misato knew going out to drink with coworkers would be one of the better alternatives to wallowing with a broken heart on her own. Such desperate times were answered with meeting personnel who happened to be in the same place as she was. As much as she wanted to avoid her choices catching up to her, her past history was already catching up to her and would place her in greater trouble if she did not offer the right answers.

Desperate to find some way out of the subject, Misato commented, "Satsuki would tell you everything wouldn't she?"

Kaede remained firm as she took hold of Misato's hand to bring it down and tell her, "As she is supposed to. It happens every time you break up or just decide to never see a man again. If you really only care about helping out others with your work, you should worry about how you're affecting yourself."

Misato was left indifferent now that she seemed to no longer be in danger of revealing the truth of last night before she answered, "Yeah, I'm self-centered, nothing new there. Honestly, I just don't know if Mitsuru is able to make me a better person out of everybody. Really don't see why I shouldn't just tell him where he can find some better girls."

"Everyone deserves to be happy. If Mitsuru likes being with you, I'm sure Kaji would be appreciate seeing that you were ready to move on in life without him."

At a loss for how she could have countered going any further, Misato sighed as she looked up at the ceiling and told Kaede, "Well you got me there. Sure makes me miss the days when I could be more forward about what I wanted."

"Do you want me to find Mitsuru and let him know you want to talk to him about that?"

"No, I'll go to him. It's a conversation between adults, I had those before. You've got your own work to worry about. You don't want Ritsuko to write you up do you?"

Kaede cleared her throat before she stood up and agreed, "I should be more diligent shouldn't I? Well thanks for being honest with me Misato."

Misato struggled to argue that the exchange was a waste of time but only on the grounds that she did not offer full context of what she was hoping to unravel. Then again she could not think of anyone else who might have been willing to come to her assistance other than a lawyer if she wanted someone to meet her face to face without judging her. Being able to reveal even just a little bit about herself allowed her the opportunity to put her thoughts in perspective as she tried to understand what she could be doing differently.

As she picked herself up and made her way down the halls, Misato finally found a way to summarize what Kaede's intentions managed to do for her, "Yeah… and thank you… for making me less sure of myself."

Shinji's class took the same amount of time as every other one did but left Shinji in a long wait as he prepared to offer the questions he had for when the lunch hour would come. The anticipation became so great that Shinji paid little attention to the lessons that were being taught that day. He found himself thankful when he found that through the entire lesson he was not called on to answer any of the questions or participate.

The luxury to keep himself detached with others was not something he would have as soon as he made his way to the roof. Shinji did have his lunch ready but knew the conversation he wanted to have was going to be very demanding. The weight of the questions he had seemed so great that he briefly wondered if he was going to run away at the first sign of pushback against him.

He found that he would not have to concern himself with this when he saw Kensuke close the door to the stairs behind him and lock it shut before declaring, "Well Shinji, I think we're all alone."

Shinji looked behind him when he asked, "And nobody followed?"

Kensuke crossed his arms when he nodded and answered, "I made sure."

Even with the condition of solitude being with him, Shinji still felt the serious nature of his questions to be intimidating matters that weighed on his conscience. "I'm sorry, it's just something really weird I needed to find out about."

Kensuke let his arms down when he tried to make himself more approachable and offer, "Well, I'm here for you Shinji."

Shinji paused as he tried to find the words for the approach before he managed, "So… there's something I want to know about. Let's say I heard about somebody my age and it turned out they might have… done something that married people do."

The vague description made Kensuke scratch his head when he tried to understand what Shinji was referring to when he made a pair of guesses, "Like what? Argue and have serious discussions?"

Shinji thought again about what he could tell Kensuke before finding the right time frame that would have been appropriate to talk about. "Like… well, after they get married."

The last bit of clarification brightened Kensuke when he nodded along and accepted, "Oh, you're talking about the honeymoon phase…" The realization that came from the observation hit Kensuke right after he said it. He rarely anticipated others to make allusions to what was supposed to be an adult activity, but hearing come from Shinji of all people seemed to be a cruel joke building up to something. While he felt guilt in wanting to hear more, Kensuke still allowed himself the opportunity to look into Shinji's eyes and ask, "You know someone who actually did that? Please tell me it's somebody I know!"

The more he approached him with the subject, the closer Shinji realized that he was on a tightrope that threatened to expose the great secret that he wanted to keep hidden. He hesitated to answer before he pointed out, "Well kind of… But I want to know something first."

Kensuke hummed when he received the condition but accepted, "Okay, but you have to tell me who it is after I tell you."

Shinji paused when he realized he would have to finally reveal what he was building up to. He told himself going in that he did not want to resort to a lie but could not tell if there was any other way that he could have avoided making his current situation known. Without preparation for what he said beforehand, Shinji struggled to come up with a way he could approach his friend.

After a few seconds, he realized that he did not have to resort to an absolute lie. Rather there seemed to be a similar situation that almost mirrored his situation altogether. He felt regret when he realized that he might not come off so sincere when he was resorting to this reason as an excuse for his own current problems.

Shinji scratched the side of his head when he approached the subject, "So if this person I knew did that with an adult, would somebody get in trouble?"

Despite the subject at hand, Kensuke remained unmoved when he thought about the scenario to tell Shinji, "You said your age right? Well, the Penal Code of Japan says the age of consent is 13 years old. The only way anybody would get in legal trouble is if it was a rape, prostitution, or manipulation."

Shinji had no doubts that the laws of the land were much more demanding than what one city or region was able to offer. All of it caused him to compartmentalize his grievances while always wondering what the right decision would be, the wrong one, or simply a plan that needed to be enacted. Recognizing that such a detail on his current matter was probably not going to result in either him or Misato being in trouble however served as a relief off his shoulders.

Trying to avoid sounding completely hopeful, Shinji lingered on the explanation when he observed, "That's pretty specific."

Kensuke made his way to the fence where he sat down and opened his lunchbox when he recalled, "Yeah, I tried to tell that to Hikari back when I turned 13 and she just gave me a scowl that was only a little less scary than Asuka's. Anyway, you're going to tell me who this is right?"

What was supposed to be a simple transition away from the subject ended up forcing Shinji to remember that Kensuke was hoping to find out what he was going to resort to the one scandal that he hoped he would not have to reference. While he thought about telling the truth, he could not help but wonder what sort of danger there was in allowing his relationship with Misato to be in any further jeopardy than it already might have been. He already imagined how difficult it would have been to keep his affair secret if he told it to Kensuke of all people,

With hopes of avoiding any further speculation around him, Shinji gave the first condition to remind how serious the situation was when he told Kensuke, "Only if you won't tell anybody who it is."

Kensuke brought his hand holding his chopsticks to his heart when he swore, "You can sit me next to Toji in the hospital if I end up doing that."

Shinji prepared to make the reveal when he breathed before telling Kensuke, "Okay… You see, I've been wondering for a while if Ayanami was… doing that with… my father…"

Revealing such information made Shinji feel as though he had given the means to activating Eva Unit-01 over to a complete stranger. What seemed to be the worst part of it however was the fact that he had just spurted a rumor that he only believed too difficult to prove. He was desperate not to place himself in any further danger and was left wondering what he would do if the truth behind his approach for the question.

Shinji felt himself relieved when he saw Kensuke looking at him with brightened eyes and asked, "Oh boy. That's where this was headed? I guess it would be a big punch to the gut if that happened to you huh?"

Shinji went along with the surprise that Kensuke showed when he asked, "Do you think they would have a reason to keep it secret?"

Kensuke took a bite of rice when he answered, "Maybe if your old man didn't want gossip to take over at the office or anything."

"So he still can't get in trouble for something like that?"

Kensuke tapped his mouth with his chopsticks before he explained, "Well nothing legally. You sure got me wondering though. No wonder its been bothering you though. You liked her, didn't you?"

Shinji let out a sigh when he revealed, "Yeah. I never did think I would end up here because of my dad for that reason."

Kensuke shrugged when he tried to offer his sympathy for Shinji's situation and told him, "Sure does suck if that's what actually happened. Maybe this is your chance to go ask out Asuka, she already likes you better than me or anyone else and you're definitely in the same league as she is."

With his most demanding question answered, Shinji nodded as he looked for the first chance he had to return to the solitude that he felt more comfortable contemplating in. He waved his hand as he prepared to part from him as he offered, "You're probably right. Well, glad you could tell me about this Kensuke."

Kensuke found the gesture to be a curious one when he saw Shinji take the observation as calmly as he did but waved a hand when he allowed him to leave and offered, "No problem Shinji."

As Shinji made his way down the stairs he came up from, Kensuke found himself left to the remainder of his lunch in solitude. He was disappointed that he still did not have Toji or even Shinji to enjoy a conversation with, but the recent conversation ended up capturing his attention when he found out what he was being asked to tackle before. Ever since meeting him for the first time, he had come to accept that Shinji Ikari was not someone he could expect to be quite the same as other boys his age but tried to comprehend what would made him contemplate this situation in the first place.

Kensuke hoped that he would have captured Shinji's attention by pointing out how he seemed to want to approach Rei Ayanami as a potential girlfriend before but was still left amazed at the fact that he seemed to accept the idea with only minimal acknowledgement. His own intuition left him to believe that Shinji should have been more heartbroken or disappointed to discover that something was taken out of his reach. If anything, he seemed to give a feeling of being relieved as though there was a weight taken off his shoulders.

While Shinji only spoke about his father a few times ever since meeting him and Toji, Kensuke could recall the handful of times where it seemed as though the commander of NERV had very few things to be said about him that could have been considered kind. Not only would the disappointment of Rei being in a relationship with the commander have been grounds enough for what he believed would have been the proper reaction, but Shinji's more seemingly calculated approach to bringing up the question made him wonder if it was something he really concerned himself with. There were few instances where he would have ever considered Shinji to be an uncaring person, but the reactions he was offered made him wonder what he was supposed to do with the information.

Kensuke shook his head when these thoughts made their way through his mind before he decided, "Well if anything, I guess I have a little thinking to do myself."

As for Shinji, he could not help but feel a sense of guilt when he offered the explanation he had. It was not false that he wondered if Rei and his father were more intimate than he hoped they would have been, but keeping a secret in the way he managed made him feel as though he pushed away one of the few people he thought he could have trusted. He was even given what seemed to be a perfect way for him to excuse his action last night and yet he still wanted to keep it from being discovered so much that he resorted to digging into another aspect of his life that did not seem to bear any relevance to where he was now.

Much like last night, he could not help but draw upon a parallel to what he had allowed to occur. He tried to reach out to someone and in doing so felt himself dangerously close to someone else. The effects of what he had done were a complete mystery to him however, as he was left to wonder if what he did caused as little harm as he could to someone else or if what he had done was only the beginning of something else entirely.

A/N: Well I think I managed to give a somewhat accurate idea of what the aftereffects might be like. I basically assumed that Misato wouldn't be anxious at the moment to build on what happened the prior night despite her thankfulness for not being alone. The two are vulnerable at the moment so I would assume they wouldn't be anxious for anything serious until a good deal later.

To confirm, yes the Kaede Agano in this story is the same one from the Shinji Ikari Raising Project. Definitely among the first of the extracanonical material I mentioned earlier although I'd argue not being a huge change just yet. I think the show itself is laser focused on its main cast to a decent degree to where even if Kaede, Satsuki, and Aoi didn't show up in the show, I think it's reasonable to assume they might have been in the background somewhere.

On top of the plausibility of them being here, I find their being here to be important as a way to communicate with some of the characters. Just leaving characters to drone in their own thoughts already puts the story at risk of crawling to a slow pace, so making it an interaction is what I would hope is a consolation for finding a way to move the story forward. Even if you could argue that they don't make sense to be here in the show's canon, I'd say you could accept that they're just simple background characters with names to fulfill the necessary progression.

If you're wondering why I made Shinji and Kensuke's exchange so important here, I'll just say that it's part of a bigger plan I have in mind. So hopefully everybody is looking forward to what happens next, I'll see you then.