Chapter 5: Would His Discovery Help?

A/N: I admit I didn't really think out how Kensuke was able to get to the balcony, I just assume that he used the apartment fire stairwell. Not sure if Misato's apartment complex actually has one but let's just say it does in this case.

While Kensuke had a chance to enjoy what he would come to brag as a date one day, Shinji slept in his room disappointed with the direction the day had recently taken as he came home. He was not being greeted by Asuka like he had grown used to. She instead chose to spend the night at Hikari's having grown tired of being around two broken individuals who could not do anything to support her. After her outburst against him in her stand against the 15th Angel however, he struggled to make himself anxious about facing her any more than he needed to.

More than a single day had passed and Asuka's resentment towards Shinji had only intensified to the point of her isolating herself from others who might have offered some sort of support for her. Asuka had proven to be a difficult individual to work with before, but all of the pain that he tried to keep away from her and the knowledge that he could potentially harm her even further made Shinji fight against the few tendencies he had to sincerely reach out to her. Every thought he had of reaching out to her brought him back to the words of resentment she had for him and the few people she might have offered unconditional respect for.

The outburst rang through his head as he tried to figure out what he could have done better only to feel himself pushed away at every alternate word that he could think of. He was lashed out at and dismissed as hard as Asuka always seemed to be willing to demonstrate while he was given no opening to offer an alternative. He once again felt himself be rendered a completely worthless individual who could not change the life of anyone he cared about.

He forced himself away from thinking any further about his insecurity as he tried to force himself to sleep but found himself struggling to do so when his thoughts wandered to the one instant where it seemed not to be the case. His night with Misato on the night of Kaji's death still managed to find a way to capture his attention just when sleep began to take hold of him. He had inflicted pain upon himself and probably on her as well despite no apparent consequences bearing its weight upon him.

He did not want to think that he was choosing one person he cared for over another, but he felt the guilt of the decision weigh on him as he shook his head at what he had done. It seemed as though there was nothing he could do to keep himself from being accused of hypocrisy from onlookers. The guilt eventually became so great that he brought himself up from his bed and shook himself awake after forcing himself up.

With sleep now seemingly out of his reach, Shinji made his way into the living room where he remained in contemplation of what he could not remove from his mind. With no one to discuss his grief to or command the attention of, he made his way to the table where he sat with his head in his hands. For the moment he was thankful that he was not brought into another situation where his search for solitude was interrupted by someone who would have interrupted it.

Shinji's move into the living room was not unheard as Misato looked to the door that led into her bedroom. While she found herself on the cusp of sleep, she could not bring herself to allow slumber to lull her away from her worries for the night. Almost all of them took the form of Shinji outside where she assumed he was going through some serious unease based on the aftermath of the battle that caused him to lose more favor with Asuka than he already had. All of it setting up an opportunity that Misato initially believed she should have attempted only to end up cursing not only her luck but what she knew was only an attempt to take advantage of him.

Misato's conversation with Kaede made her recognize that she was not acting as strong as she should have been before. She knew that despite her intentions, Shinji was still waiting for someone to offer a sincere congratulations for what he was able to accomplish. He could have been everything that she wanted to free herself of falling into a downward spiral of despair if she was willing to take this moment between her and him.

Yet it was being shut out from Asuka that proved to be the ultimate obstacle for how she could have made her advance. There was once a time where Misato could have cursed the fact that Asuka had the benefit of being closer to Shinji's age and as such a more believable interest for him. Now if her state continued to remain as poor as it was, she would become another in a long list of people who became unwitting casualties in the war against the Angels.

It always seemed that if Misato was not being asked to handle a tragedy one day, there was something else entirely that kept her away from Shinji. Reaching out to him in the middle of the night seemed to be the perfect opportunity but the lack of rest that either of them were able to receive that night was enough to make her wonder if she was capable of finally acting on her intentions. Fear of harm and the ultimate fear of rejection kept her from standing up to reach her hand out to his quills but would soon find reason to reach out.

Shinji lost track of how long he was left outside Misato's recognition but had little interest in being able to determine just how fortunate he was. He was more than ever thankful that he was not having anything demanded of him only to be reminded of just how insufficient he was compared to whatever standards others were setting for him, be it from someone he cared about or the gaze of his father. He believed he was going to be left with a night of uninterrupted contemplation of his inadequacies before he looked up and saw someone that he did not expect appear.

On the balcony outside, he saw Kensuke making his way to the glass door before stepping back in surprise form the sight of Shinji turning his gaze up to him. With nowhere to run to, Kensuke realized that he did not have an opportunity to move anywhere to hide himself but still had a chance to explain himself if he took the time to reveal his intention. Relying on the hope that Shinji would not call the police or try to kick him out, Kensuke lightly tapped on the glass door as he tried to signal Shinji to him.

Shinji gave a small breath as he stood up and made his way over to the door and unlocked it to allow himself outside. He poked his head out as he caused Kensuke to step back and whispered his question, "Kensuke, what are you doing here?"

Realizing that he had to explain himself for his originally planned intrusion, Kensuke cleared his throat when he whispered back, "I had to get here Shinji. It's about Kaji."

Surprised at the answer, Shinji raised his eyes when he realized a discovery had been made about the man whose death seemed to bring about the recent events. He could not say what made him decide to step back but he allowed Kensuke entry as he backed away and pointed to the direction of Misato's bedroom to warn of her slumber. Kensuke removed his shoes and stepped inside when he followed Shinji to his bedroom where they would be safe from being overheard.

Now safe from the ears of Misato, Shinji made his way to the center of his bedroom when he asked Kensuke, "This is important right?"

Kensuke nodded when he confirmed, "I swear this is. So I managed to get a date with Rei and I don't know about your guess but it seems like there's something else here."

Remembering how Kensuke's involvement all seemed to stem from his desire to become an Eva pilot and his fear of Rei being taken advantage of, Shinji felt the air of guilt he placed upon himself again but forced himself to bring his attention to Kensuke's discovery. He did not know if there was anything that could have made him reconsider if what he did would justify his action but being so deep in the great hurdle he unintentionally created made him wonder what sort of damage he would cause if he revealed the root of this scenario now. As much as he believed there was a storm brewing that might have brought as much damage if not more from the accumulation of his lie, the fear of that moment approaching in this instant was far greater.

Shinji shook his head when he asked, "So you said this had something to do with Kaji right?"

Kensuke confirmed, "It sure is. Apparently he got fired and it was for something totally bogus."

"Well what did he get fired for?"

"Rei said it was for moonlighting with the staff. Tell me, that doesn't sound like something to kick someone out for does it?"

Shinji tried to figure out what Kensuke was getting at before he admitted, "I've done worse and I'm still with NERV. I don't know what he could have done."

"Well I have an idea. I'm thinking maybe he was more of an inspector than we thought he was."

"Like how?"

Before the boys could continue their speculation, Kensuke heard footsteps when he told him, "Shit. That's her." Before Shinji could ask what he was supposed to do, he saw Kensuke made a way for his closet and shut the door. Shinji recognized what Kensuke was forced to run from when he decided to play along and force himself into his bed to make it appear as though he never stopped sleeping. If he was going to have his questions answered any time soon, he realized that he was going to have to protect Kensuke from being discovered for as long as it took for him to make Misato return back to his slumber.

The challenge made itself known as Misato opened the door to his bedroom and heard her ask, "Shinji? Are you awake?"

Shinji brought a hand to his eyes as he tried to make himself look as though he was forcing himself awake before sitting up and seeing Misato in the outside the doorway to his room. He cleared his throat before he answered, "Uh… Do you need me?"

Misato made her way over to him when she knelt next to his bed and told him, "I thought I heard someone walking outside. That wasn't you was it?"

Shinji turned to the first answer he could think of when he told her, "I just needed to use the bathroom was all. I think Pen Pen might have been up a little as well."

Misato smiled when she accepted the reason and told him, "I guess I got a little hopeful. I have to be honest, I thought you might have wanted to join me again."

The suggestion caused Shinji to blush as he turned his view back to the sheets beneath him when he tried to convince her, "I wasn't even thinking of it."

Misato gave a light laugh when she told him, "I'm sorry if I keep making you anxious about what we did. Honestly, I… I guess I enjoyed it too much."

The discussion of what alluded to that night made Shinji clutch the tip of his sheets as he tried to keep himself from offering Kensuke an idea of what the secret really was. Offering an open discussion of what he had done caused him to tense at the possibility that he was about to be discovered. It would only take one slip of the tongue and he would undo everything that he was hoping to keep from being revealed.

Approaching the subject as light as he could, Shinji simply asked, "Uh… really?"

Shinji felt himself tense up when Misato placed a hand behind his back and told him, "I know it was just a one-time thing but… you did make me feel something other than sadness that night."

"You're… I'm… Miss Misato… I just don't think…" Shinji struggled to find a way he could respond to Misato's observation before he finally managed to form words that would make sense to her without exposing himself. He breathed before he managed to form the words for her, "I'm here to talk to you if you ever need me."

Misato giggled when she heard the offer and rubbed his back when she told him, "I should be the one telling you that. I'm supposed to be the moral support you need. I know I've done a lousy job at it, but I can still try."

While the struggle of keeping his affair secret was still on his mind, Shinji could not help but recognize how sincere the intent was behind Misato's offer. There were probably better options for him to hide what he was going through but he could not bring himself to lash out at her after. This situation along with being forced keep his secret hidden from Kensuke left him in a dilemma that forced him to carefully choose his words for what he could say to Misato.

Shinji cleared his throat before he assured, "You're hardly the wrong person compared to other people I can think of."

Misato accepted the compliment when she asked, "Well you sure do know how to make me feel better about myself. I guess someone has to take after Kaji right?"

Shinji tried to keep himself gentle about the matter when he told Misato, "Yeah. Maybe Kaji won't be totally gone in some ways."

Misato let out a long breath when she admitted, "Considering what he left me, I really should try to get myself motivated to look at what it was. It's just not something I've wanted to do though… I just can't get over what's happened."

Worried that Misato might have been searching for a reason to make Shinji feel guilty for potentially remaining in the room for the rest of that night, he tried to encourage her, "You're not that helpless."

Shinji continued to hold on to the hope that this sort of contact would continue to be the extent of what he was going to experience but felt himself frozen in place when he came to recognize there was nothing he could do to prevent Misato from her own decisions. Still ignorant of Kensuke in the room with him, Shinji was able to hold on to the knowledge that Misato believed she was the only cause of him being tensed from the feeling of being approached. This was simply another case of two hedgehogs attempting to approach one another without any attention paid to whether their quills had been sticking out.

It was with this lack of care for her quills being dangerously exposed that Misato brought her face down to Shinji's and placed her lips on his cheek. The kiss made Shinji stiffen again as he felt himself slide under his sheets in a desperate hope that he would not become the object of Misato's desire. The display caused Misato to smirk as she saw him attempt to keep himself from being approached any further as she stood up but kept her view of him below.

Misato broke the brief silence between the two when she told him, "You know Shinji, I really wouldn't mind if you wanted to take the lead next time."

Shinji was baffled as he struggled to remind himself that he was dealing with Misato and her desires to have her pain be eased. It seemed that Misato had been willing to embrace herself in a repeat of what she had gone through before. Without a proper approach, Shinji feared the idea that he was about to have much more of his secret revealed than he ever anticipated and it would all be separated from the door that led into his closet.

Shinji stuttered when he managed, "Miss… Miss Misato… That's… It was…"

Misato giggled when Shinji tried to come up with a response when she told him, "I know… It has to stay a one-time thing. I was weak and I basically dragged you into it… I guess I'm still weak aren't I? I really want you to know that I'm not trying to make life difficult for you. I know it's pretty messed up for me to say something like that when I was the one who got you into this."

Shinji felt himself being dragged into a call for help that Misato was pleading for him to allow her the chance to feel the sense of comfort that eased her out of the pain she had been suffering before. Even when he thought about what he could avoid being discovered by Kensuke he still struggled to muster the will to deny being brought into another embrace by his guardian. He was already alarmed by the idea of being subject to long-term consequences when it the night was brought to his mind but feared that he might have already begun to feel them beginning to manifest when he realized he found himself walking on a very thin line the more spoke.

Shinji tried to come up with the right words that would assure her when he told her, "You don't have to beat yourself up."

Misato nodded when she told him, "I guess we're not going to do a whole lot in one night aren't we? Well I'll try and make sure you wake up at a decent time. I'm probably gonna go rock myself to sleep now."

Misato stepped up and made her way to the door when she allowed Shinji to continue with the sleep he struggled to obtain. Shinji let out a heavy sigh as he felt the weight that placed itself on his shoulders lifted and no longer had to worry himself with the thin line that he was wavering back and forth upon that was his relationship with Misato. Just as soon as he felt himself calmed by the relief he managed to achieve, he found himself forced into another confrontation as he saw his closet door open.

In the intensity of the conversation, Shinji almost forgot that Kensuke was nearby and heard more than a few whispers of the conversation. He could confirm that Kensuke walked up to him with raised eyebrows and a mouth agape as he made his way to the side of Shinji's bed. Kensuke knelt on his knees as he shook his head to recover himself while Shinji was forced to comprehend what caused his friend to have such a baffled look.

He only needed to wait a little before the answer came to him when he considered what sort of conversation Kensuke overheard. Despite his best efforts to keep him from overhearing what he wanted to keep from being revealed, he could do nothing to make sure that Misato would not accidentally reveal what sort of relationship he was having with her. It was in that moment that Shinji realized that his friend was the first person to learn of his secret.

Kensuke starred at Shinji for a few seconds before he asked, "Really? This is what happened?"

Shinji was completely trapped in his current situation when he could determine that running away would only bring Misato back to him for a far less pleasant talk and would receive similar results if he did not cooperate with Kensuke. He was moved to his own silence for a few seconds before he answered, "I was scared. I didn't want everybody to find out."

Kensuke crossed his arms before he expressed his disappointment by telling Shinji, "Well you could have picked someone worse to tell this. Didn't think you would try to put the moves on her right after her boyfriend died though."

Kensuke's remark almost reminded Shinji of Asuka's attitude when he was had it pointed out. He struggled to keep himself from shouting back when he told him, "I swear I wasn't trying to. And it isn't going to happen again."

Kensuke softened when he told Shinji, "I wouldn't count on that. Misato even says she's not good at helping you."

Shinji felt the guilt return when he resorted to begging, "Okay, just please tell me you won't tell anybody else about this."

Kensuke relaxed his arms when he told Shinji, "Okay. If you really don't me saying anything, I'll need your help. Misato said she had something to remember Kaji. If it's not some memento, I want you to find out what it is."

Shinji gritted his teeth when he realized what Kensuke was asking for before he pointed out, "You're asking me to steal from her? You seriously think I can get away with that?"

Kensuke remained firm with his claim when he told Shinji, "Find out what it is first and then do it or not."

The demand made Shinji curl his fists when he asked, "Well what do you want it for?"

Kensuke adjusted his glasses when he explained, "Misato is probably sitting on some valuable Intel right now if it got Kaji killed. I hate to throw shade on my new boss but he must want to make sure that info isn't public."

Shinji thought about Kensuke's point when he tried to determine how right the proposed deception was. He was already firm in his intent not to deceive Misato but the stakes that were made apparent had him thinking twice about his commitment. If she really was allowing valuable information to remain untouched, he could only imagine what might be kept hidden if it was not revealed.

The scenario of Misato keeping information to herself however was a premise that Shinji still struggled to comprehend. If Misato really did sit on such a vital piece, he imagined he would have already revealed its contents days ago. Then again, the reminder of Kaji's death forced him to remember that she was not in the highest spirits to manage anything of great effort. He reminded himself that his unwillingness to tell Asuka about Kaji's fate was already an attempt on his part to make sure that she would not be in a greater state of melting down than she already was.

If Misato was not going to work for the answers, Kensuke must have been someone who could handle the search himself without forcing Misato to deal with any of the burdens. This offer could either turn out to be a great support for everyone in the best-case scenario and turn out to be a diversion at its worst. As he considered everything that hinged on his participation, Shinji remained reluctant in his immediate answer but finally came to settle on his choice.

Shinji sealed his decision when he told Kensuke, "Okay. We do that and it's over."

Kensuke gave Shinji a thumbs up gesture when he told him, "Good choice man. You are not gonna regret doing this."

Desperate to get the deception over and done with, Shinji pointed to the door to the halls next to him when he asked, "Well can't we just go get it then?"

Kensuke shook his head when he pointed out, "After that little show between you and Misato? She's going to be on high alert after making herself go back to sleep. No way is she going to not hear you, let alone me."

Shinji accepted the unfortunate situation when he told Kensuke, "Okay, I'll find out what it is. Just please try and not get caught on your way out of here."

Kensuke asked for a favor, "Think you can bring my shoes with you? I can't head back down the same way."

Shinji scrunched his face in annoyance from the request when he told him, "Just wait at the front door and try to be quiet."

Much to his fortune, Shinji found that getting Kensuke out of the apartment to be easier than he expected. Pen Pen remained asleep while he made his way through the kitchen and into the Entry Hall before gesturing for Kensuke to leave the apartment as fast as he could before he was discovered. He skipped wishing him goodbye as he simply waved him off and prepared to make his bedroom where he would force himself to remember the new secret he was forced to prepare for.

Forcing himself to remember the assignment Kensuke gave him made Shinji very reluctant when he got out of bed the next morning. He rolled his neck as he got dressed and prepared to head out to school that day. He prepared two bowls of tamago kake gohan to place on the table and made his way to the fridge to leave a can of Yebisu on Misato's side. He prepared the final step of preparation as he grabbed a fish from the fridge and left it for Pen Pen.

Instead of waiting for Misato, Shinji began to work on his breakfast as fast as he could as though he was in a hurry and desperately tried to find the first thing he could come up with to find a way into Misato's room. Just as soon as he came up with the idea, he saw Misato making her way to the table when she greeted, "Mm… Good morning Shinji… Oh, you got hungry did you?"

Shinji nodded when he confirmed, "Yeah. Sorry about that."

Misato laughed when she sat herself down and dismissed, "That's okay. It's not like I'm anyone to wait for or anything."

Just as soon as Misato began, Shinji finished his bowl and brought his bowl to the sink. He then reached under the sink and picked up a trash bag before he heard Misato ask, "Hey isn't it my turn for trash day?"

Prepared for the suspicion, Shinji answered, "Uh yeah, I thought I should help out a little though. I thought I saw a cockroach somewhere."

The last part of his intention caused Misato to raise her eyes in repulsion when she asked, "Ugh… S-seriously?" Shaking her head and focusing on her rice, she offered, "Okay, think you can make a little sweep through my room and find out if it's in there or not?"

Shinji accepted the request, "Sure thing."

Shinji went through the apartment as he picked up a multitude of beer cans into his trash bag as he followed through his premise. He could not keep count of how many beer cans he picked up, but he did not need to go through one to know that he would need a second bag at minimum to pick up everything. His time being absorbed in Unit-01's core certainly did not help when he considered what he had to work with.

The first bag he filled was the indication he used to make his way into Misato's bedroom and made a rapid search to fulfill the request Kensuke had prepared for him. He picked up several more empty cans around Misato's desk before he looked over the surface in a search for the first thing that stood out from everything else. It did not take long for him to search before he found a small metallic capsule next to a computer keyboard. Despite its size, Shinji picked it up and knelt down on the floor to appear as though he was searching for the cockroach he warned about.

"Shinji. I don't believe you." The words sent a chill down Shinji's spine that made him fear he had just been caught. He never imagined what he would have been able to say if he felt the need to hide his intentions from Misato but began to rush through every excuse he could think of that would clear what he had just done. He feared turning around when the mere thought of seeing Misato's disappointment sent a shiver down his spine.

"You're seriously slipping in your duties. Pen Pen beat you to it."

Gesturing to the penguin at her feet, Shinji slowly turned around when he saw Pen Pen holding a cockroach in one of his fins before bringing it to his beak and chewing it for a small snack. Shinji let out a sigh when he admitted to Pen Pen's achievement and conceded, "Well that didn't take as long as I thought."

Misato brushed off the disappointment when she told Shinji, "It's nice of you to search. If anything you got another few dozen cans out of the way."

Shinji accepted the praise, "Maybe this place can be a bit more livable if I just do a little more each day."

Misato laughed when she reminded, "Well it's nice of you to offer, but you have to remember that you can only do so much in a day. Like remembering to show up to school on time."

Realizing that he was being guided to the next phase of his plan, Shinji stood up and carried the bag of cans while making his way to the entry door he made Kensuke leave last night. Despite holding on to what he was given, he felt a sense of relief from being freed of suspicion about what he was actually trying to do. It was his true intentions that became the heaviest weight that would weigh on him when he made his way to school for the day and, as he would discover the hard way, for a crucial point of his life.

A/N: Well this one took a bit more than I expected but at least I managed to hit my goal of getting another chapter out to make up for the lack of Shinji and Misato focus in the previous one. I figured it was important to establish more of the tension of getting found out and I thought it was a neat development to give Shinji an idea of what he would have to face later on. And later on, you'll get to see what Kensuke does with the information when he discovers what's in Kaji's capsule.

Not too much else to say, despite turning out to be longer than I anticipated again I hope that I gave a decent chapter though. I look forward to seeing you all next time.