Chapter 7: Was There a Reason?

Shinji never thought about the question of whether time was a fixed concept or not but his return to Misato's apartment that night made him feel as though he had placed himself in a situation that he could do nothing to change. He was fortunate to greet Misato when he made his way into the living room and called to her about his arrival. Even with the guilt of what he had done that day and the misassigned praise that she placed upon him, he could not muster the willingness to face her and reveal the truth behind everything that had occurred that day.

Shinji did not even have the chance to prepare dinner for Misato as she simply kept herself inside her bedroom. For a moment of the day that should have brought a great deal of relief to him, his underhanded scheme made him feel as though he had taken advantage of her just as he did that night almost a week ago. Made to remember that night again, Shinji slammed the side of his table as he tried to keep himself from assigning the great crime that weighed on his conscience as he tried to imagine how he could ever face Misato again.

Shinji had no idea how Misato planned on making it through the rest of the night without her final meal, but it became the least of his worries when he stood outside her bedroom door. As it would turn out, she was indeed intending to make sure that she would accept going for the rest of the day without any further interaction as she kept the door to her bedroom shut and continued whatever work she was intent on accomplishing. He noticed Pen Pen walked up next to him while he read a sign that simply told him, "Working. Sorry, do not disturb."

The weight of regret he felt upon him that night only began to grow when he came up to another door with a similar sign with a much harsher tone. "No unauthorized entry. You come in, you die!"

With no one to speak to or any way to convey his confusion for the current situation, Shinji stood in front of Asuka's door when he noticed Pen Pen follow him and asked no one in particular, "I wonder if Asuka is planning to stay away again."

Shinji was left completely confused and usure about what he was going to do when he realized he was facing a complete dead end on what he could do to try and improve anything around him. After her battle against the 15th Angel, Asuka demonstrated a complete unwillingness to ever be approached by him ever again with her desire to simply stay at Hikari's house instead of speaking to him or Misato again. From what little he discovered he could do in comforting others however he could imagine that she would be better off without him making such an attempt.

The recollection became another point for him to reconsider how he felt himself continue to be confused by the effects of how his reaching out to others seemed to have no consistent outcome. He had at least provided Misato with a moment of respite after having to deal with Kaji's death but his effort to offer it to Asuka was simply met with an even harsher dismissal of him than he was usually given. As much as he wanted to believe it was a simple case of both women having a different way to handle the stress of their situations, he could not help but think that what little might have been between him and her was simply not meant to be reconnected.

With nothing more to do than speculate on what was left for him for the remainder of the night, Shinji made his way to his bedroom and prepared to sleep through to the next day. As soon as he lay down, he threw himself on his side and tried to keep himself from getting any more ideas of reaching out to Misato and fulfilling thoughts of reaching out to anyone else. Afraid of enduring a repeat of what he had gone through the night weeks before, he refused to even reach for his SDAT player to listen to before falling asleep.

Without a chance to check up on Misato and discover what sort of work she was up to Shinji was left only with the clue of the sound of typing giving an idea of what she might have been doing. When it came to what she had discovered however, the importance of the information on the chip Kaji left her dragged her away from whatever interest she had in the outside world around her. Hidden away only by the hint of their first memory together, Misato was given access to records of a discovery that she never imagined before.

All Misato could think after looking at the information she was given was how much she could kick herself to a pulp for not pulling herself up and getting to discovering this information sooner. She had no way of proving that it was true or if she was simply rushing to conclusions, simply knowing that Kaji died for going through so much to make it all known was all she needed to fall on when she came to deciding how important his findings were. The only question that remained in front of her now was what she was supposed to do now that she singlehandedly had such a great discovery in front of her. If she was going to prove that she ever loved him before, this was the challenge she was being presented to from him beyond the grave.

As much as she cursed that she did not do anything earlier, Misato held on to the hope that she could still make up for lost time by simply going through what her initial gut instinct told her to do. She saved the files herself before preparing an email filled with its contents. She did not know who could have been the best person to receive such knowledge, but the idea that there would be someone in the Japanese government would be able to discover the proper way to handle the list of accusations that seemed to be too extraordinary to be considered possible before.

With the current state of the battle against the Angels still under way and the state of the pilots always in a comprisable situation, Misato had to believe that she was being given the opportunity to prevent disaster from occurring. All the notes about SEELE machinations, Instrumentality, allusions to texts the greater part of humanity were given no access to, the end goals seemed to add up to a conspiracy that astonishingly seemed to threaten to undo everything that her fight against the angels was meant to be. As much as she wanted to believe she could have saved Kaji somehow, being forced to reconsider her current situation and her fortune from earlier in the day forced her to realize that she could very well have been running on borrowed time.

Looking over her mail repeatedly, Misato still struggled to believe anything that she was saying herself but finally managed to muster the will to simply send it. While still late at night, Misato remained hopeful that she would have seen some sort of immediate response only to find herself disappointed that she would not be so fortunate. In a desperate hope that she might receive a phone call that day about her findings she even minimized the amount of beer she drank that day to keep her from falling under a deep sleep that would impede upon her senses.

Disappointed as she was, she accepted that waiting for another few hours was not going to accomplish anything as she shut of her computer and backed away onto her bed. Covering her eyes with her blanket in a desperate attempt to force sleep upon herself, Misato waited for the moment sleep would claim her and would offer the first and last amount of calmness she would have that day and hopefully for several more after. The 15th Angel had already arrived less than 3 days ago, and she felt sure of herself that she would not be asked to face another one in such a short time frame since it did not come to pass before. She was disappointed to discover how wrong she was the next day.

"I'll be there in 15. Send Unit-00 to the surface using No. 32. Send out Unit-04 to provide support. Yes, Commander Ikari will have final say over Unit-01. I don't have the authority to life its lockdown on my own. Later."

Being scrambled by the alert of the arrival of the 16th Angel on her way to work caught Misato off guard but kept herself from panicking when she remembered her responsibility to command the upcoming battle. As she looked up to the sky, she saw a giant halo rapidly revolving in place while glowing a bright white light to appear as though it were a cloud among the blue sky above. Other than its continuing spin in the air the Angel showed no interest in descending for an attack at the moment.

Such a display was not an excuse for inaction however as Misato continued her drive towards NERV headquarters while the remaining crew desperately tried to manage the situation themselves. One of the computer operators announced, "Unit-00 away! Routing to intercept position!"

Makoto looked over his map announcing, "Have Unit-04 stand by at current position!"

Gendo reminded him of his command ordering, "No. Launch it."

Accepting that the new unit was about to have his first battle with an Angel soon, Makoto answered, "Yes sir."

Within the Evangelion Cages, one of the doors slid open drained of the liquid that submerged a chrome Eva unit. It remained standing at attention as it waited for its call to action as waiting for the one who would make it be able to move. If the battle was about to progress as the humans believed it would, it was soon to have its first battle that was eagerly anticipated by its new pilot.

Kensuke ran across the scaffolding as he adjusted his pilot suit with a great grin on his face to indicate his preparation of fighting alongside Rei in an experience that he had only dreamed of before. Having thrust himself into the entry plug, having himself submerged in the LCL, and cleared his mind while seeing the computer screens around him to give a view of his surroundings, Kensuke gave a heavy breath when he tried to manage the anticipation that still held on to him. With a grin remaining firm on his face, he patted the side of his cockpit and told his unit, "You and me big guy? We are gonna make some serious damage!"

Over the intercom, Kensuke could hear Maya announced, "Routing Unit-04 to Gate No. 8. When egress point is determined, launch."

Kensuke gave a thumbs up when he expressed his hopes of Maya watching him and accepted, "Waiting on you beautiful!"

Contrasting his enthusiasm, Asuka was left in Unit-02 as she was left to settle in her cockpit with only the opportunity to sit and reflect on her current preparation. Without anyone to order her, she felt herself blanketed under the weight of uselessness that she had been feeling gradually grow upon her ever since the Angel foes seemed to become more capable of handling her. Even more humiliating to her was the fact that another pilot had already been selected and already had in spades what she was lacking, a proper synch ratio to make her Eva unit even move properly. Once a formidable pilot of NERV and a threat to the mysterious invading forces, she was forced to bear the idea that she could even struggle to serve as a legitimate distraction and the last choice that anyone would rely on.

Asuka summarized her observation of being left waiting as she asked herself, "Why should I care? I'd only get in the way…"

The mighty halo Angel continued to spin in place as it waited for its first chance to interact with whatever resembled their final objective. Whether it was simply remaining out of sight or not intending to advance beyond its claimed territory, Unit-00 took cover and gave Rei the chance she needed to await the Angel making the first move. Checking her radar, she noticed that Unit-04 had launched on the opposite end of her position to allow them the chance to flank the Angel from both sides.

With the visual established in NERV headquarters, Shigeru announced, "Target is holding above Owakudani Valley. It's hovering rotating in a fixed position."

Makoto updated the status further, "Target's A.T. Field is still active."

Ritsuko did not desire to be challenged in the moment of such a crucial battle as this one but was tested when she heard the door behind her shoot open. Deducing the only person capable of being late in such a critical moment left Ritsuko to ask, "Where have you been?"

Misato stopped in place when she assumed her original place as a commanding presence requesting, "I'm sorry, no excuse! Status report!"

Shigeru kept watch over the rotating halo Angel observing, "It looks like we're in a stalemate Major."

Makoto provided a more detailed assessment as he confirmed, "He's right. The target's field pattern keeps cycling from blue to orange."

Confused by the report, Misato asked for clarification, "What does that mean?"

Maya was unable to provide any assistance answering, "The Magi aren't able to answer that question yet."

Shigeru agreed with the evaluation, "We just don't have enough solid data right now."

Ritsuko provided the first bit of information Misato felt she could draw from when she warned, "However I'm certain that it's capable of assuming forms besides the one we see now."

Misato kept watch of the Angel's place ordering, "So we can't attack first. Both units hold back so we can study it for a bit."

Despite their hopes of having a chance to prepare a strategy for the Angel, the personnel of NERV were caught off guard when they heard Rei simply announce, "No. It's coming."

What the observers in NERV headquarters hoped was the proclamation of someone eager to battle was instead a signal that the Angel target was indeed making the first move as they had feared. The small patterns that circulated in the air narrowed as they solidified into a single ray of light that intensified to precede its next move. The Angel split itself as one end swirled and flew towards Unit-00 before it had a chance to react to the advance.

Misato felt herself alarmed as soon as she saw what the end of the Angel thrust itself through Unit-00's A.T. Field and into its chest. Rei at least used the moment of close proximity to take hold of the Angel and raise her sniper rifle into the first area that made contact with its barrel. Even when given what seemed to be a perfect opportunity, the shots of Unit-00's rifle seemed to fly right through the Angel's body and cause it to wriggle slightly from the impact while it continued to dig itself further into the chest of its target.

Recognizing the danger that was at hand, Ritsuko turned to Misato to remind, "Unit-04 is available. Intervention would be the best course Major."

Snapping back to attention, Misato commanded, "Kensuke! Move in and offer support! Spread your A.T. Field to maximum."

Kensuke responded, "I see it, I'm moving out."

As the command was given, Misato was forced to hear the bad news rapidly develop when she heard Shigeru report, "Contamination! The target's infecting Unit-00!"

Biting through the continuously difficult situation, Misato tried to discover what options she still had when she turned to Maya asking, "What's the status on her A.T. Field?"

Maya struggled to keep herself from losing her clam when she announced, "Her field's up but it's not stopping the Angel's probe!"

Ritsuko stared up at the display when she mused to herself, "Is the Angel trying to establish first level contact with Unit-00? It must be."

As the struggle for Unit-00 continued to escalate, the chrome Eva Unit-04 came closer with each rapid step towards two struggling. Taking aim with his pallet gun, Kensuke saw the first area he could fire upon the Angel without hitting Unit-00 and took it. The shots soared through the air as it caused the two struggling entities to be rocked slightly but the Angel of light remaining undamaged.

As if there was a second head on its other end, the Angel recognized Unit-04's advance as it wove through the air to prepare for a separate attack. Being reminded of the movements of a snake gave Kensuke the initiative he needed to spread his A.T. Field in his hopes of defending himself against meeting the same fate as Rei. Once the Angel shot towards him however, the advance proved to be for nothing.

With a precise thrust towards him, the Angel pierced through Unit-04's A.T. Field and right into the same chest area where it lodged itself into Unit-00. Kensuke felt himself yelp out in pain when he was forced to the ground and then struggle to even breathe. He dropped his pallet gun before reaching his hands out to the thread of light pinning him to the ground as the struggle became more desperate. Try as he might, the angel not only was able to adjust itself and manage its way through his grip, but the struggle became worse for him when he felt as though a boulder had been thrust upon his chest in his sleep where he could not even bring himself to take in a second breath.

With every second passing, Kensuke was forced to realize that he was not being given an instant to breathe while he feared what sort of pains Rei might have been going through in the moment. It was one fear he accounted for alongside his fear for his life when it seemed the Angel they were sent to face was fully capable of handling them both. Even more humiliating for being his first fight against one of the Angels, Kensuke realized that he was not even being placed in what should have been a great challenge for him to manage his way out of.

In the great struggle for his life, Kensuke managed to wheeze two words from his struggle, "M…Major…S…Sh…Shit…"

The alarm in NERV headquarters continued to grow when Shigeru announced, "This is bad! The Angel is invading Unit-04 now!"

Misato pressed her forehead with her palm out of frustration before turning to Maya to order, "Reduce their synch ratios."

Maya accepted the command when she warned, "Command has been sent Major, the interference might not allow the command to be executed in time."

"I want Evangelion Unit-01 taken out of cryostasis. Launch it immediately."

Misato was caught by surprise when she was reminded that Gendo Ikari was still watching over the progression of the battle. Even more alarming was how reluctant he continued to be to allow Unit-01 to come into contact with Angels. The choice of reversing his decision became enough to emphasized to Misato just how much more difficult this one was proving to be.

Misato summarized her amazement at the request when she turned to Gendo asking, "What?"

Gendo repeated his order when he told her, "I said launch it."

With her options becoming fewer by the second, Misato decided that this was the blessing in disguise she had been hoping for when she agreed, "…Yes sir."

Fuyutsuki watched the preparations for the third Eva Unit being launched when he asked his superior, "Another desperate action?"

Gendo confirmed, "We cannot afford to lose two units. Unit-02 is useless to this situation."

"Given the progression of the battle, we may not be ending this without casualties."

"We can afford one."

With her attention focused on the battle at hand, Misato turned to Makoto when she asked, "Is there any sign of the Angel's core?"

Makoto grit his teeth when he was forced to answer, "Nothing to report sir…"

Not having a chance to share in Makoto's agitation, Misato made her way to Maya to ask, "Current status of the pilots?"

Maya reported, "Unit-00 is showing erratic displays. Unit-04 is still managing but the attack is forcing the pilot under great distress. If we don't' hurry, we could end up losing both."

Misato returned her attention back to the screen where she saw the Angel tackling Unit-00 and Unit-04 to the ground before seeing the hope of the day appear nearby. Unit-01 stepped out of its holding building and took hold of its pallet gun before making its way towards Unit-04's location. Misato immediately recognized that Shinji was desperate now since not only Rei's life was on the line but Kensuke's as well.

Hoping to maintain a sense of command, Misato ordered, "Shinji, spread you're A.T. Field to maximum. Take aim at the Angel's mid-section."

She heard Shinji dutifully respond, "Right."

Unit-01 stepped towards the area where the two units were kept before taking aim at the thin line that was the Angel's body and firing in the area Misato ordered. She gained an initial sense of accomplishment when the Angel pulled itself out of Unit-04's chest and left it to roll away from the impact point. What she had achieved was quickly lost when she saw the free end of the Angel thrust itself towards Unit-01.

The pallet gun was shattered as soon as the Angel's body shot its way towards Unit-01 while dragging Unit-00 along with it. While Unit-01 had fallen to the ground, Unit-04 picked itself up and prepared for another attack only to see Unit-01 forced on its back just as it was earlier. No one was able to tell what sort of horrors were occurring within the cockpit of Unit-00, but no one was able to believe in the moment that Rei would be able to handle herself with the Angel still proving its strength over her.

The thoughts of Rei were the most immediate on Shinji's mind when he felt the point of the Angel make its way into the chest of his unit. For this reason he cursed the pain that was thrust upon him, "No… Aya…nami…"

Kensuke in the meantime desperately attempted to recover himself when he gasped for air when he asked, "Ugh… Shinji… Do… you… copy?"

Desperate to find some sort of victory against the Angel and no other reports of a core from Makoto, Misato ordered the pilots, "Shinji! Kensuke! Use your progressive knives!"

Both the chrome and purple Eva units confirmed this order when their shoulders released the handles from their shoulders for them to take hold of. Unit-04 took hold with one hand to take hold of the Angel and thrust its progressive knife into the light that constituted for its body. Even as the Angel spray red blood it only continued to weave through the cut that was formed before continuing its stretch out for its true target.

Shinji only had a little idea of what sort of alarm was going through Kensuke's mind when he saw the Angel continue its persistent attempt to continue its attacks and this hopes of being able to deal any real damage to it were rapidly declining. Even as he made Unit-01 attempt to take hold of the advancing end, felt himself stricken further when the mass began to make its way through his grip as though it were only a mere tunnel for it to weave its way through. A growing sense of futility became the motivation for Shinji to use his other hand to thrust the knife in his other hand towards the advancing Angel.

A second fountain of blood sprayed forth, but the Angel instead continued its way through the grips before terrors began to form before Shinji's eyes. On his left hand he saw formations of faces pop and go as though they were formed through the bulging veins that popped up underneath his suit. His effort to fight the Angel became less of a reality the more he held on and was forced to wonder what he was supposed to make of the growing infestation within his unit.

Such as sight only turned out to be the first when Kensuke repeated his inquiry, "Shinji? What the Hell is that?"

Shinji looked up to see a white mass forming from the end of the Angel take the shape of Rei and reach out to Eva-Unit-01's head. The sight shook Kensuke to his core as he tried to comprehend what sort of images he was looking at. He felt completely lost of any context or understanding left only to believe that Shinji and Rei were being forced into a twisted form of unity the Angel was trying to use to turn on them.

Desperate to make a difference in his first battle, Kensuke continued plunge his knife into the Angel as rapidly as he could while Unit-01 was left being strangled by the Rei imitation. The two units continuing to struggle against the single end of the Angel left them without a chance to view a massive growth that appeared from Unit-00's back. Onlookers were able to see traces of other Angels fought by the Eva units before and some that did not seem to have precedence.

Maya announced the development occurring within Rei's unit, "Her A.T. Field has been reversed! She's got bio-contamination everywhere!"

Ritsuko confirmed to the others, "She's trying to contain the Angel!"

Shinji and Kensuke were both caught by surprise when they suddenly saw the Rei doppelganger pull itself away from Unit-01 and out of Unit-04's grasp as they collapsed the ground. Looking to the location of Unit-00, the Angel seemed to be burrowing itself within the chest of its target as a desperate attempt to activate the mass that was formed. As the Angel retracted itself into Unit-00's chest, the mass shrunk down before expanding into the front when it rapidly caused the unit to gain the appearance of a pregnant humanoid creature.

Maya realized what was happening when she warned, "Her field is at its limit! Her core won't be able to hold at this rate!"

Desperate to prevent a loss for her side, Misato turned to the screen to order, "Rei! Abandon Unit-00! Get out of there!"

Despite her hopes to see her value her life, Misato was met with Rei's commitment, "I cannot. If I leave Unit-00, the A.T. Field will cease to be. I will not… let it…"

Forced to realize how powerless she was in the situation, Misato was left to plea to herself, "Rei… Don't do it…"

As the Angel retracted itself into Unit-00, there was an initial sign of hope for many onlookers as the might bulge from its chest retracted and allowed the blue plating to form over it again. For a few seconds it would seem as though the Eva unit was free of its bind and not longer in a struggle for its survival. There was a moment of hope only for it to be crushed by readings that no one could have believed was happening.

Maya emphasized the alarm that was still at hand when she announced, "Core collapsing! It's past critical!"

Shinji and Kensuke's final sight of the Angel seemed to pass in a few seconds as Unit-00 seemed prepared to stand up and regain its footing. Hopes of its recovery were dashed when it changed into the blinding white that before revealing the sight of a human resembling a naked Rei with a halo resembling the Angel itself shrinking into itself. What hopes anyone had of seeing Rei survive the encounter were lost the moment the halo's concentration formed a small sphere and gave out a blinding white light that consumed the field.

The destruction captured the attention of the personnel of NERV as the light of the explosion filled their screens. Misato stood in defeat of the Angel's claim of Rei's life as she tried to keep herself composed for everything that would come after another difficult battle. She could only imagine how difficult it would be for Shinji's morale while Kensuke was forced to accept his first mission as being nothing short of a defeat.

While the personnel within NERV were left to comprehend the destruction that had been wrought, the remaining pilots who survived were left on their own trying to handle what had happened to them just moments ago. Kensuke slammed both sides of his cockpit to exert his frustration with the destruction of the Angel that had occurred. He expected to survive past his first encounter with one but being asked to process the death of someone who was his senior was a far more harrowing experience.

Kensuke looked around the halls before he saw Shinji making his way past him. Forced to accept that he would have to confront him in some way over the loss, he clenched his fists as he prepared himself to answer for the great failure he did not expect to bear. Whatever sense of disappointment Shinji might have had in this moment was a guilt he needed to answer for.

Remembering how he ended up here became incremental to what he had done before. The fact that he was willing to blackmail someone he considered to be a friend left him with a sense of guilt that he wondered how he could make up for. If any such error could be set right, he held on to the hope that he could start it with offering an apology.

Kensuke ran up behind Shinji when he offered, "Shinji… I… I really messed up…"

What fear he had before was unrealized when he was caught off guard by hearing, "It's not like you could have done anything."

Kensuke shot his head up when he tried to keep himself from shouting out his disbelief, "Shinji? We're Eva pilots. We should be doing better."

Shinji stomped in place but threw his head down while gritting his teeth before he told him, "You're not Asuka. Don't try to be her."

Shinji's indifference tempted Kensuke to reach out and take him by the collar for his comparison. He threw his fists to his sides before stomping over to him and asking, "Do you even give a shit? Rei's probably dead out there!"

Shinji continued his walk, "What am I supposed to do? I'm a failure to everybody."

Kensuke became desperate to keep his friend from slipping further into whatever spiral of self-loathing Shinji was in the middle of when he reminded, "Seriously? I'm the big screwup to this whole thing, I didn't even get to do real damage, and you all you have is… that?"

The question did not even earn a second thought from Shinji when he answered, "I could never figure out what else."

Even knowing what little interest in Rei he really had and what he had done to Misato, Kensuke struggled to keep himself from giving an outburst leaving him with the parting words, "I seriously thought losing Rei would… mean something…"

Shinji walked away from Kensuke when he offered him the parting words, "I thought so too."

A/N: Here we are, what I actually planned to be the second chapter when I first started this story. I didn't have much of an idea how much detail I was getting into as you might be able to tell. I have to admit it was kind of a difficult for me to decide if I should still do Rei's "death" scene or not since Kensuke would be there but ultimately decided it was the best way to continue the story I had in mind.

If you were hoping to see more on the relationship of Shinji and Misato develop any time soon, the good news is that the ball will really start to get rolling next chapter. I ended up finding out this story needed a lot of development to make everything feel like it's going at a natural pace with everyone being as in character to the best of my ability. So if you made it this far, I hope you've all been enjoying the journey and are looking forward to seeing it develop further whenever I update. I hope to see you then.