Chapter 9: Do Others Have to Work for This to Happen?

It took a breaking of their agreement to never allow their desire to share the most intimate embrace two people could have to overtake them, but Misato was finally able to find the will to apply Kaede's advice. The part about making him want to run to Asuka after they were together was meant to be an exaggeration but knew it was the only way to make sure Shinji would not be so afraid of accepting their agreement. Most important to her now however was discovering how the boy across from her would be able to handle such a commitment.

Shinji had no idea how to process what was happening to him when he tried to take in the fact that he had just entered a new type of relationship with his guardian. While he felt relieved that he was not going to suffer any immediate consequences, he could not help but wonder if he made the right decision. He could not fully comprehend what he had done to himself without the passage of time and seeing its consequences but did not imagine that he would find himself being tested just mere moments after offering his consent.

Misato opened her front door when she greeted, "Asuka? You're back?"

Asuka looked down at the ground while clenching her fists before telling Misato, "Don't get so excited. Tell me where Kaji is."

With that simple command, Misato realized how neglectful she had truly been. A little more than a week had passed since the death of Ryoji Kaji and she did not even get around to telling Asuka about it. Shinji's secondhand learning of the situation left her to imagine that maybe she would have found out on her own and she would not have to go through revealing it again. She could not decide in that moment if she had failed as a guardian, a fully functioning human being, or both.

Being forced to find a way to break it to her made Misato swallow before she offered, "Asuka, I have to tell you something. Please come in."

Asuka pouted at the request but followed Misato to the dining room where she saw another individual she was not anxious to see that day. Misato pulled up the chair she was sitting in before when she allowed Asuka to sit down. With both children of her protection in front of her, Misato struggled to imagine what sort of scenario could be considered similar to this in a desperate hope to provide an easy solution.

When she looked across to see Shinji looking up to her however, Misato realized that there was no way she could look at the current situation and make anything easy about this reveal. At the center of her approach however, she remembered the value of honesty that she would be not only holding Shinji to but to herself as well. No matter how difficult it might have been she would have to reveal the harsh reality of why she would not be able to visit the man both she and Asuka had some level of admiration for.

This reminder of the truth being the foremost factor made Misato reveal, "Asuka… Kaji is… gone…"

Asuka looked up to Misato as her eyes widened in the realization of what was being implied with such heavy implications behind that answer. Her lips trembled before she asked, "Gone… where?"

Misato clenched her hands into fists as she forced herself to keep from running away from giving an answer before she confirmed, "He's not coming back. He's dead."

Asuka maintained the same look she had before when she realized what she had just heard. Misato only had a little idea of what she effectively made Hikari's place her second home but knew that one bit of bad news was hardly going to lift her spirits in any way. It was a revelation she would have to face but there was no way that either of them could have an easier time accepting it.

To fully realize this difficulty, Asuka asked, "And what do you think you're trying to achieve? Do you seriously think I believe that?"

Misato struggled to keep herself from breaking down in sorrow at the reminder of the news that still affected her but confirmed, "I didn't want to believe it either. But it's true."

Having to hear confirmation of what happened to her former guardian made Asuka curl her hand on the table. She forced her lips to stop from trembling any further when she told Misato, "You can have him all you want, but just let me talk to him…"

Shinji emphasized the reminder when he told Asuka, "He's really gone. He got killed… somehow…"

For the intensity of the moment, Shinji found himself alarmed when he realized he almost let a key detail slip about Kaji's loss. How was he supposed to know the reason for why Kaji would have been hunted down? It was one revelation to add to a sensitive situation that he feared was headed in a tragic direction.

Holding back that detail seemed to accomplish little however when he heard Asuka turn to him and ask, "Well what are you in on this for huh? You're the last person I wanted to hear this garbage from!"

Realizing that the denial was even greater than they both hoped, Shinji shook his head when he asked, "This is serious! I'm sorry it's taken this long to tell you!"

Being told from two sides how she would never hear from someone she respected again was bad enough, but Asuka realized that Shinji had no reason to lie about a situation this dire. She could not decide in that moment if she should have continued to be infuriated or if she should have allowed herself to cry from the confirmation. Either way, it was no longer avoidable that Ryoji Kaji was simply no longer meant to be part of her life.

Facing the reveal of what happened was still not easy for her to accept though when she stood up and told them, "You're terrible. You can't tell me you… let this happen…"

Misato stepped up to her when she tried to assure, "Nobody wanted this. It's been trouble for all of us."

Asuka stepped away from Misato when she told her, "Well you've sure been okay without me."

Misato became desperate for Asuka's cooperation when she told her, "We have not."

Misato's appeal was rewarded with Asuka accusing, "You could have fooled me! You're probably just sleeping around and getting drunk as usual!"

Shinji stepped up to counter the claim when he told her, "She's not that kind of person and you know it!"

Asuka turned to Shinji with a raised pair of eyes when she asked, "Oh is she? Why am I hearing this from you for? It's not like she'd let you in on the action!"

Misato stepped up to Asuka when she told her, "That's enough. Denying all of this is not going to bring Kaji back."

Asuka had no way of telling how many times it would have taken for her to fully accept the idea that the one man she trusted to offer any sort of comfort was no longer among the living. Her desperation remained evident when she managed one final counter, "You're lying…"

Misato reached out a hand to place on Asuka's shoulder as she hoped to offer some sort of consolation for the grief that Asuka felt taking hold of her. Her offer was denied when she found herself slapped away before she shot past her and made her way for the hallway. Misato gasped when she realized how she was denied her attempt to reach out but realized the danger that Asuka was in if she was allowed outside on her own.

Shinji stood up from the table when he saw Asuka running but Misato was faster as she made her way down the entry hall. Catching up to her, Misato called out, "Asuka, you're still with us."

Asuka continued her dismissal when she made her way for the door and denied, "You can keep your stupid apartment! I don't want to even look at either of you!"

Unable to keep her from moving any further, Misato grabbed Asuka from behind as she was left in a tight embrace. Shinji caught up to them when he called out to Asuka, "We don't want you to go! We really care about you!"

Asuka continued to wriggle in Misato's grasp when she called back, "You think I want your pity?! You're stupider than I thought!"

Misato tried to confirm their intentions when she told Asuka, "You're better than this. Just let me help."

Asuka stomped on Misato's foot in response before knocking her head back. The blows were enough to cause Misato to fall onto the floor while Asuka made her way for the door and rushed out before slamming it shut. Shinji hoped to chase after Asuka but found himself cut short when he was forced to handle the weight of Misato placing itself upon him while trying to recover herself.

As Misato rubbed her head from the blow she endured, she heard Shinji beneath her ask, "Miss Misato, are you okay?"

Misato brought herself up when she told him, "I'm fine. We better do something about Asuka."

Picking himself up, Shinji prepared to make his way to the door when he asked, "You think she'll go back to Hikari's?"

Misato took hold of his wrist when she told him, "I hope so. We better make sure we're ahead of her though."

Shinji could not understand why Misato was not prepared to rush after Asuka like he would have expected he had to be but saw her make her way to her nearest phone. She entered a series of keys on her phone when he asked, "You know someone who will help her?"

Misato frowned when she told him, "That's one way of putting it."

To the relief of many in NERV, the hunt to find Asuka only took a few short hours before she was taken to a meeting room within the headquarters. The nature of protecting her however was a much more serious than Shinji and Misato believed it would be. She was brought to them strapped to a dolly while several NERV technicians kept watch of her to make sure that she would not struggle or have a chance to escape. The fears of her rebelliousness or even her fiery mouth however were proven to be unfounded when her face sagged to demonstrate compete apathy to her situation.

Shinji looked at her confinement when he asked, "Does she really have to be held like that?"

Gendo confirmed, "She has proven to be volatile and incapable of holding a productive conversation. Her current condition also reveals that she is unable to provide any meaningful contribution to continued sorties with Angels."

Misato tried to prepare herself for the worst of the report when she asked, "How bad has it gotten?"

Ritsuko answered, "Her synch ratio tests have not been promising as of late. It is very likely that they are going to continue to decline if she is left unchecked."

Asuka looked down at the ground when she asked, "So that's it… I'm just nothing..."

Gendo confirmed her sorrow when he told her, "Until you are willing to reconcile your issues, that will prove to be the case. As such we must handle your condition accordingly."

Ritsuko agreed, "As of now Ms. Agano will handle her."

Shinji wondered who Ritsuko was referring to before seeing a woman with short brown hair standing next to Asuka tell her, "I would prefer that we call our operation as help Doctor Akagi."

Misato turned to ask, "Kaede? You're helping her?"

Gendo confirmed, "We relied on you to ensure our pilots would not enter such problematic depths. Unfortunately, it would seem you either failed her or Ms. Soryu's mind was weaker than we could have hoped. As of now we must be more economical and assume that the latter is the case."

Misato knew that her superior officer would never forgive her for performing a less than acceptable job on the one assignment she was most expected to fulfill but realized she could not provide a report without providing some serious commentary on Asuka's recent behavior. Attempting to salvage what little she could without providing any destruction to Asuka's name, Misato confirmed, "You're right sir. The recent death of Kaji made me neglect my duties."

"You still have one pilot that you have proven somewhat effective with. Resume your business as you have before." Gendo shifted his attention to Kaede when he told her, "Ms. Agano, you have your orders. See that she is handled properly."

Kaede accepted the duty when she told him, "…Right away sir."

The hesitance behind Kaede's voice made Msiato curious what caused her to linger before she heard Gendo dismiss, "This meeting is now concluded. You are dismissed."

While Gendo stood up with Ritsuko following behind him, Misato tried to get a time when she could check Kaede's progress when she asked, "Can we see how Auska is doing?"

Gendo denied, "She will not have any visitors for the time being. I will not accept any breaches to the protocol."

Desperate for a mor confirming answer, Shinji asked, "She'll at least get better won't she?"

Ritsuko made her way up to them when she answered, "It is her choice to move past her insecurities. If she wishes to pilot again, she will do so."

Shinji took a long look at his father when he was forced to contend with his cold indifference again before turning away to follow Misato back through the halls. The last glimpse he had of Asuka was seeing Kaede gesture the technicians to leave her before she continued to wheel Asuka off to wherever she was going to be held. Disappointed that he would not get a chance to wish her well, he followed Misato as they made their way through the headquarters prepared to make their way back to their apartment.

Ritsuko made her way up to Kaede when she reminded, "Take the patient to the holding area and head straight back. You must continue your work on Balthasar immediately. You have your schedule and I expect to see you follow it regularly."

Kaede accepted, "I understand. I don't mean to hold up any progress."

Misato sighed when she watched Asuka wheeled off down the halls when she turned to see Gendo leaving in the opposite direction. She hoped to have another question answered when she asked, "What kind of area is she being taken to?"

Misato was disappointed to see Gendo not answer her but saw Ritsuko answer instead, "You have seen her mental situation right now. She cannot handle being around others. You will be updated on when she can be approached again. She must not be taken to another area where she can be easily found. You have done well making sure Section 2 did not have to resort to any drastic measures to keep her from making a mess of herself further."

Misato pointed out the most worrying issue when she asked, "And you don't think that being around any of the other pilots will help? Shinji alone has to care about her."

Ritsuko remained firm in her dismissal when she explained, "There is caring about others and there is understanding what others need. You have not failed your duties Major. She only needs to be rehabilitated. Ms. Agano is more than qualified to handle her."

Misato nodded when she accepted the conditions she was in, "I'll have to take your word for it."

Desperate for a moment where he could find a way to make up to Asuka for having neglected her before, Shinji asked, "Do you think she'll listen to us when she gets better?"

Ritsuko shook her head when she explained, "It is difficult to say. Trauma is a very case by case basis. We do not have an answer for what caused her to come to this state."

Misato agreed, "It seems like the Commander never thought about making sure our pilots would never get to this point."

Ritsuko confirmed the observation when she explained, "That has been a common complaint since the Eva plan was considered. We must be ready for what sort of world we are going to deal with when the last angel has been destroyed. Those who can accept it are those who will survive."

Misato gave a sigh when she admitted, "That's a blunt way of putting it. I just hope you're right about this."

Ritsuko turned her attention away from Misato when she asked, "The Commander will allow you to have the remainder of the day off. I trust Shinji will need to return to school as well?"

Before he was dismissed, Shinji gave his last question, "Is it true about the Angels? That there's more of them than we thought?"

Ritsuko prepared her own evaluation of the situation when she answered, "I know it might not be what you want to hear, but it seems they may be greater in number than we anticipated."

Misato agreed, "We're gonna be back to square one with our numbers if we're lucky. Losing Unit-00 doesn't help much either."

Ritsuko dismissed the worry when she reminded, "It only provide another obstacle for us to determine if we are capable of handling ourselves as a species. Whatever comes, we will have no choice but to face what may come."

Being offered a view of her indifference to NERV's future obstacles gave Misato a window she had been hoping to find Ritsuko expose herself in front of. Ever since she opened the files on Kaji's findings, many findings were weighing themselves on her mind and she could not help but wonder where Ritsuko placed herself in all of it. Being able to confront someone over something so serious in the heart of their workplace became a difficult idea when she considered the weight of what she had and just how protected Ritsuko was now.

Intent to make sure that she was not left in a sense of security however, Misato countered, "You say that like you know we have an army of pilots ready to replace everyone that we lose."

Ritsuko was unmoved by the implication when she reminded, "I know you have your preconceptions of what is acceptable Major. If you value the good of the human race then you will be certain to continue your cooperation."

Being reminded of the circumstances made Misato reconsider how she was not in a great bargaining position or in an opportunity where she could demand the answers that she wanted right now. She accepted the reminder but warned, "I get you want me to play along but you should know I have my own leverage."

Misato was troubled when she realized that Ritsuko remained unmoved by her warning when she dismissed, "Whatever you are planning Major is only a waste of time. I will be busy enough as it is and the commander needs me."

Deciding there was nothing else to be gained from Ritsuko's cold observations, Misato patted Shinji's shoulder when she parted, "I'm sorry for holding you up. Thanks for helping Ritsuko. I'll keep in touch."

Shinji followed behind when he tried to ease the tension that had been building when he requested of Ritsuko, "Tell Ms. Agano that we'll wait for her."

Ritsuko watched Misato and Shinji leave as she turned down the halls to follow Gendo down the halls. She caught up to him to hear him ask, "They are concerned about Unit-02's pilot?"

Ritsuko confirmed, "They don't have any other concerns for the moment. Only seeking confirmation of what they might be facing."

Gendo made his way into a nearby room when he accepted, "That will be acceptable. As long as they continue to be so burdened."

Ritsuko looked over Gendo's shoulder when she watched him open a computer file and inquire, "Has the Marduk Institute determined our next candidate?"

Gendo confirmed, "The final evaluation is being made. He will be introduced soon enough."

As Shinji sat in the passenger side of Misato's car, he found himself surprised when he saw Misato hit the right side of her steering wheel while letting out a groan. Shinji saw her lean her forehead on it as she made her grief of the situation more palpable. He was uneasy with the sight of Misato being so visibly shaken with what she had to deal with and hoped he was not putting himself in trouble by being the boyfriend she needed him to be. If he was going to keep this relationship between him and Misato in a functional state, he knew he would have to take risks that made him uneasy since the alternative was arguably as frightening.

He looked over to her when he asked, "Is something wrong Miss Misato?"

Misato lifted herself from the wheel when she composed herself and answered, "This whole… yeah. I've got a lot of talking to Ritsuko to deal with and I won't get to see her for the rest of the day. Doesn't help that she's going to be keeping herself next to the Commander himself for a while it looks like."

"You can't just call her or anything?"

"She's very busy. She isn't going to accept any call. Not even from me unless it's an emergency."

"And we aren't going to see Asuka until she's better again. It's gonna be weird without her."

Misato smirked when she asked, "Our first day in a relationship and you're already thinking of other women?"

Shinji was taken aback when he told her, "H-Hey! Come on! I'm worried about her!"

Misato laughed when she gave a light slap on Shinji's shoulder when she told him, "I forgot, we're not in the teasing phase yet are we?"

Shinji sighed when he told her, "I guess that's what we have to work on isn't it?"

Misato agreed, "Well, it's date time then. Kind of hard since you're playing hooky right now, isn't it? Tell you what, you shop for some groceries, and I'll pick out a movie for us to watch tonight."

While relieved that Misato was thinking of something other than her apparent failure in the meeting just a while ago, Shinji was forced to remember that maintaining his relationship with Misato required effort on his part as well. Dinner and a movie seemed like the optimal first choice for a date for Shinji when he considered what limits were placed on him. With the other factors to consider, he was unsure if he was going to be seen in public with Misato very often in general but considered it to be another obstacle he was forced to reconsider.

With what seemed to be the best choice in the matter, Shinji accepted Misato's plan when he asked, "Okay. What do you feel like tonight?"

Misato started up her car when she answered, "I'd like it if you decided but maybe a little crunch if you feel like working for it."

As Misato left NERV headquarters, she dropped Shinji off at a grocery store where he was given the money necessary to purchase everything he needed to make dinner that night. After a brief period of deciding, he settled on preparing baked tonkatsu since it seemed to fit the criteria Misato would want. His trip was an uneventful one as he remembered the list of ingredients he needed and brought them to checkout.

He was not sure if Misato expected him to use every cent she gave him but did not see a reason to go so far. With what he did have left he thought about finding a way to treat her the way she would have wanted to be. Unfortunately, laws did not permit him to be seen carrying around alcohol and would probably be questioned even if Misato was guiding him around.

As though she could read his mind on his original intention when he made his way up to her car in the parking lot, Misato rolled her windows down when she asked, "You couldn't get any Yebisu could you?"

Shinji sat in the passenger seat when he confirmed, "They won't sell it to me."

Backing out of the parking lot and preparing for her trip to the apartment complex, Misato accepted the premise reminding him, "Pros and cons of youth alright. Just leave that to me."

Hoping to remain in her favor, Shinji reminded, "I would do it if I had a chance."

Misato smiled when she briefly turned to him and praised, "I believe you. You're too sweet to lie about that sort of thing."

The comment left Shinji uneasy when he had to consider how he was supposed to be basking in the complements that Misato would give him under their current union. He knew he would have to endure much that he did not otherwise want to think about but hearing phrases that sounded like something his mother would have told him remained as a testament to what sort of commitment he had made. He still had no idea if he was pursuing the right course of action or even if he was doing it right as he left himself worried that he was going to see everything backfire on him at the first instant.

The awkward nature of such a relationship left Shinji silent for the remainder of the travel from the store to the apartment complex before Misato found her parking space and shut her car down. Misato reached for the handle of her door to prepare to open it but recognized that Shinji was not so enthusiastic when he simply looked ahead of him in contemplation. She was less enthusiastic to make her way back to her apartment when she considered what she was making Shinji work with, an attempt at a relationship where being open with one another seemed to pave the way to making the sort of comments that challenged Shinji's view of how others should approach one another.

Shinji broke the silence between them when he asked, "You never thought about anyone else did you?"

The silence lingered for a few seconds before Misato shook her head and told him, "Nah. None of the other guys at work are really my type… Well I guess I don't know my type anymore."

Shinji looked out through the front car window when he admitted, "I guess I never thought I'd be this far into something like this."

Misato offered a similar sentiment when she admitted, "Yeah I mean we've already gotten this far and… well…"

Finding herself at a loss for how to describe their relationship made Misato fear that Shinji was already beginning to crack at the first sight of trouble when he asked, "Am I really even the sort of person you want to be around?"

Misato reached out a hand to Shinji's shoulder when she asked, "I've known you for months and been sticking with you for that long. You having doubts yourself?"

Shinji stared out his side of the window when he answered, "I thought this would never happen. I mean I'm nothing like Kaji."

Realizing there was something even more to the root of their relationship than what Shinji allowed to reveal made Misato bring her hand back when she tried to assure, "Yeah. Not a lot of people are. It's not worth beating yourself over though."

"How does somebody even go for a whole week anyway?" Instead of being given a direct answer, Shinji was surprised when he heard Misato give a full outburst of laughter when she realized what she was being asked. Shinji tried to interrupt the laughing by asking, "What's so funny?"

Misato sobered when she answered, "Oh man… you actually heard that story?"

While it was true that he did indeed hear what happened to Misato long ago, he could not imagine it to be the sort of news that would cause Misato to laugh at. She did not seem to be the sort of person would make fun of others for their personal lives, but he began to wonder if there were some alcoholic tendencies that Misato was beginning to show. Even as she offered a little assurance that she wanted to make their time together mean something, Shinji could not help but find himself believing there was a level of sadism from Misato laughing at Kaji's expense.

Still unsure of what the implications behind being truthful were, Shinji decided to finally answer, "Yeah what about it?"

Misato exhaled a heavy breath when she answered, "Alright. Let me tell you everything. Back when I was in school and I took a week off, by the time I got back Kaji was already bragging about how he was a lion in bed. Then some girl took that literally and started spreading it around like it was something he actually pulled off."

Shinji raised an eyebrow when he heard the explanation and told her, "I don't… get it."

Misato recognized this when she saw the small gesture and told him, "Well the joke behind it is that lions are able to have sex for a week and he compared himself to one."

Shinji's face changed in an instant from confusion to shock when he heard the explanation behind the joke. He swallowed when he simply observed, "Uh… wow…"

Misato tried to lighten the mood by suggesting, "Yeah, you wouldn't believe the insults Ritsuko had fun making when she spun that little nugget."

Shinji felt a little relief when he realized he would not have as much to prove as he believed he did but shook his head when he realized what he was concerning himself over. He hoped for the conversation to come to an end when he told Misato, "I really shouldn't be making you tell me about this."

"I would have said you're not old enough… but…" The comment caused another pause to linger between Misato and Shinji as they considered what details they had just shared with one another. Much of what made them who they were was still intact from both the good and the bad. Yet much of this conversation alone was enough to remind there was an entire gap between the two.

In her intent to never allow herself to be harmed by the simple proximity of the one she protected, it seemed that Misato was being forced to remember what it was to be Shinji's age when she felt even more free and at ease than she did now. In his intent to not allow themselves to be harmed from their approach to one another, Shinji was reminded of the sheer difficulty of his current life where it seemed he was being thrust into adulthood at every possible second whenever it could be managed. What seemed to be so simple of an idea to prevent harming one another instead seemed to leave them in a state of constant fear. Fear from being discovered, fear from being denied from one another, there was little that could be done to confirm that going against norms they were taught long ago was an ideal way to taking hold of a worthwhile life.

Shinji believed he was going to be stuck in such a back and forth about how he could reason what he had done but heard Misato take out her car key and prepare to make her way to the apartments. Misato finally opened the door on her side of the car and suggested, "Well we should be saving the dinner conversation for actual dinner don't you think?"

Deciding that he was not going to get anywhere by simply remaining seated in the car, Shinji accepted the command when he told her, "Yeah. That's a good idea."