The Language of Masoch

by QUICKM33MZ2005

The Hedgehog's Dilemma dictates that despite the intention of a reciprocal relationship, it may not occur for reasons that two individuals cannot avoid. Despite good will, human intimacy cannot occur without substantial mutual harm, and what results is cautious behavior and weak relationships. (Warning: VERY slow fic. Also serious adult themes and lemons. Bondage not in story.)

26. Is This How Fragile We Are?

Chapter 26: Is This How Fragile We Are?

Another day was winding to a close within NERV but Shinji struggled to sleep. Despite the safety of his accommodations, his unease with the passage of a week became enough for him to question what sort of routine he was settling into. He would still go to school, he would return to NERV, he would prepare himself for the next Angel attack, then sleep. It was a routine that left him feel as though his life was worse than it had ever been.

As he made his way into another room, Shinji looked around in the darkness before seeing one of the few faces he could trust sitting across from him. Kensuke looked up as he recognized Shinji and waved his hand to greet him but maintained a look of fear as he looked around. Shinji recognized how serious this was as he turned around to close the door behind him and made his way over to the area where Kensuke sat.

Hoping he would finally have a chance to hear him again, Shinji asked, "Are we safe here?"

For the first time in what seemed to be a long time, Kensuke spoke as he whispered, "Yeah. I hope."

Unable to see much in the darkness, Shinji hung his head as he released a sigh of relief at the confirmation. Just hearing Kensuke speak again was one of the few things he could say was a progression he was happy with. He was disappointed however that he would not have a chance to engage in conversation outside what left them both in fear.

Shinji voiced his concern, "It's been a long time since the last Angel came. I don't know if we can handle this."

His hopes for Kensuke to give him a reason to press on was instead answered with an unfortunate reminder of his reality, "It sure does leave us both on edge doesn't it? This is just me but it seems like you still have trouble getting used to your new life."

The observation made Shinji hesitate before he agreed, "It's hard... I was always scared about this sort of thing. I was worried it would have ended up this way. Now here I am."

"Really wish it was just back to easier times. When I could just joke about you getting to blow up Angels and have a total babe to go home to... And I thought this would have been the coolest thing to ever happen to me..."

"I might as well have been forced out of Misato's place as soon as... all of that happened. I wouldn't be like this now."

"I'm not exactly a great friend. I should have told you to leave as soon as I found out. I shouldn't have blackmailed you... This all happened just because I wanted to be a hero..."

"You're a better hero than I could have been."

"Yeah, I got to take down a whopping two and now I'm being hunted down... I'd honestly be better off if I left when I was thinking about it... NERV is not what I thought it was..."

The struggle to speak was evident in Kensuke's voice as he reflected on his time in NERV. Virtually nothing he hoped would happen became a reality and he felt himself laying for what he had done. More than ever Shinji feared what one of his only remaining real friends was going through as he realized how he ended up here.

Shinji countered Kensuke's loathing as he reminded, "This all happened because of that stupid lie I made about Ayanami. I shouldn't even look her in the eye ever again. If you never want to talk to me again, you'd be right."

Kensuke denied the blame as he reminded, "Even if it was for something else, you were still trying to do something right. I don't know if I can do anything now, but I think I can still steer you in the right direction."

Before Shinji could ask what Kensuke had in mind, he felt a sheet of paper placed in his lap. He felt for it asking, "What's this?"

"I changed the password for ATURE. I've got that site more fortified than ever before. But you can use it if you need to find out what to do about NERV or what everybody else is doing."

Shinji felt his hand tremble before asking, "Kensuke, what are you doing this for? You're not leaving are you?"

He felt a little assurance as he heard, "Not even thinking about it."

"Well what are you giving me this for then?"

"Who's saying I'm giving you the real one? Just look for me if you ever need to find it."

That answer left Shinji with a sense of unease as he tried to determine what Kensuke's plan was. Just when it seemed like he was giving him something important, Shinji was left with a cryptic clue about what he was being asked to hold.

Before he could ask anything, Shinji heard Kensuke stand up and tell him, "Let's head back. We don't want to get caught."

Shinji stood up as he prepared to follow Kensuke outside before asking, "I'm really scared Kensuke. How do I know you're going to be okay?"

Kensuke lingered before answering, "I'm sorry, I can't help you there. Really if I'm alive, that's the only way I can say so or not."

---

Shinji wished he knew how much karma he had stacked against him as he awoke the next morning. Through the halls of NERV, alarms were sounding and demanding the presence of all personnel in their stations. For Shinji, Kensuke, and Asuka, this only meant they would be expected to make their way to their Eva units and prepare for battle.

Indeed another Angel had arrived to challenge humanity as it hovered through the air towards the area above Tokyo-3. The Angel Shateiel resembled a giant hollow crystal with two cores contained at its top and bottom points. While it was only slightly larger than an Eva unit, no one within NERV was willing to accept the idea that size could mean anything to determine power. Uninterrupted in its flight across the skies, it continued its progressed with the intention of finding Adam as its predecessors had before but remained vigilant for any challengers coming its way.

As the crew inside NERV watched Shateiel continue its progression, Maya announced, "We have a reading of the Angel, Major. Its A.T. field levels are estimated to be very low right now."

Ritsuko warned, "Until we face it, we will not know its abilities for certain."

Misato accepted the conditions that were about to challenge her but gripped the rails in front of her as she kept herself from showing any sign of weakness. While she could not say she was afraid right now, her recent condition left her thinking she might display some discouraging behavior again. She could say she was back in a position that made her feel as though she had power and security again but there was still a challenge to making sure she would demonstrate her weakness again.

Keeping watch of the movements, Misato ordered, "Send all units out and prepare to engage. Tell them to wait for orders to attack."

Makoto acknowledged the order, "Units 01, 02, and 04 are launching now."

It was a brief period before the three Eva units stood out in the field looking up to the crystal Angel high above them. The sight of Shateiel reminded Shinji of the time he fought Ramiel what seemed to be a long time ago and how it demanded the use of one of the most powerful weapons NERV ever created. He briefly considered bringing up the reminder but decided against it when he considered who was with him to listen.

As soon as the three units appeared from the ground, Shateiel saw its new targets prepared to stop its progress. For this challenge it caused its top core to spin before discharging a bolt of lightning and sending it crashing down upon Unit-02's location. Seeing the attack come made Asuka force herself away from the area but still left an area of the city charred by the strike.

Shinji saw the attack asking, "Asuka, are you okay?"

Asuka answered, "Just fine Shinji, it's so nice of you to care!"

Watching the destruction at hand, Misato ordered, "All units move forward. Get ready to take aim and attack that Angel."

Shinji acknowledged the order as he prepared Unit-01's pallet gun to fire at either of the cores. If the report of the A.T. Field being weak turned out to be true, he had reason to hope this Angel would be an easy target. He was once again being forced into a test of what he wanted but about to discover how much life was willing to play along with his hopes.

His unit fired its gun to the Angel above only to see the bullets bounce off and leave nothing behind as a sign of being hit. Undeterred, the Angel summoned another bolt of lightning from its cores and shot it to the area where Unit-01 stood. Seeing this attack come, Unit-02 came to its rescue as it tugged it out of the way of the shot as they were shaken to the ground.

Shaking from the recent attack, Shinji looked up and heard Asuka ask, "Are you okay Shinji?"

Shinji acknowledged his status, "I'm okay."

The staff of NERV was just as unsure about the situation as the pilots were as Misato turned to Ritsuko telling her, "I thought you said the A.T. Field was weak."

Ritsuko corrected, "It is. Its body has handled every shot."

Maya added, "Its cores are still exposed on its tips. It may be our best shot to damage it."

Turning her attention to the continuing battle in front of her, Misato ordered, "Take aim at the cores! Unleash everything you have on them!"

Forcing himself up, Shinji made Unit-01 take hold of its pallet gun and prepared to follow through on the order. Unit-02 did the same as they fired only to see the bullets meet with the A.T. Field. Taking the opportunity for the defense, Shateiel summoned another bolt of lightning from its cores but did not take aim at either of the attacking units.

Looking across the field, Misato saw Unit-04 roll forward as it dodged an incoming lightning strike before continuing its charge. Watching the unit progress she ordered, "Once you get underneath, draw its attention any way you can."

Kensuke accepted the order as he kept pressing forward with his unit. While there did not seem to be a way to drag Shateiel down to ground level right away, he held on to the hope he was not so far off from inflicting damage. It was only a short while before Kensuke discovered just how much his pursuit would challenge him.

As soon as he made his way underneath Shateiel, everyone watching the battle saw the Angel cause its lower core to slide up its hollow structure and merge with the top one. The development was such an oddity for Kensuke that he found himself hesitating to fire his pallet gun. His hesitation proved to be fatal as he then saw the Angel come falling down towards him. The fallen made Kensuke believe he would have a chance to come up close to the Angel's single core as he prepared his progressive knife but feared what would happen if he did not immediately penetrate it.

The fear he had was something he discovered to be misplaced as he kept his blade raised and pierced right into the core of Shateiel. It was a few seconds before the core bled and flashed in its struggle to remain alive but it eventually became the final struggle of the Angel's brief period on the field. As soon as the core faded, Kensuke tried to pull his knife out of the core but discovered a surprising change as he pulled it out.

The knife he once had had been elongated into a long, curved, red blade that became too heavy for his Eva unit to carry with one hand. He quickly took hold of it with his other and held it up as it caused the walls of Shateiel's body to fall around him. Kensuke found himself so taken aback that he was only focused on the blade he held in his hands and held back his proclamation of confusion for his weapon changing.

He found out he would not have the time to inspect it however as he heard Shinji contact, "Help! Get me out of here!"

Asuka joined him, "I can't move! It's too hard!"

Looking to the field behind him, Kensuke saw the shards that once formed Shateiel's body now enclosed Unit-01 and Unit-02 in their own prisons. Accepting the battle was over, Kensuke decided now was the time to test his new weapon. With the blade on both hands, Unit-04 charged towards the shards around Unit-01 and made a mighty strike.

The results disappointed Kensuke as he felt the blade bounce off just as ineffectively as the bullets earlier. He knew he should have been weary about what Angels might have been capable of but a defective weapon was not something he hoped for. His fear would not go unaddressed for long.

Seconds after the blade bounced off, Misato contacted, "Kensuke! We have information on that weapon!"

Ritsuko then interjected, "That blade had an A.T. Field infused within it. It's been determined to be as powerful as the Lance of Longinus at minimum."

Kensuke looked down at the blade he had just been told about. The idea he acquired something so powerful threatened to overwhelm him with sheer anticipation. What fears he once had threatened to make him reconsider where he was in the field and among NERV in general.

The sight of the shards keeping Shinji and Asuka trapped however was a discrepancy he came to realize. If the blade was so powerful, how did it not cut down the remains of Shateiel as it should have? He thought about asking how this could be but the warning of what could happen to Rei and the others was the one fear that kept him from acting.

As though she could hear this concern, Ritsuko added, "We've discovered how the blade awakens its powers. It responds to the pilot's vocal signatures. The shout in your cockpit should be enough to resonate into the blade. Say whatever feels appropriate, just activate it that way."

The description was the one thing Kensuke needed to answer how he was going to continue. Shinji and Asuka needed his help and he needed to use the power of his weapon. Charging Unit-04 forward and drawing the blade out to his side, Kensuke prepared to cast aside what remained of his dedication to silence. Everyone he knew would be at risk but he was forced to accept it would be preferable to letting the human race fall to one of the Angels.

With a mighty charge, Unit-04 held out the blade and swung down to the right side of Unit-01 as Kensuke shouted, "Aida Strike!"

With the fall of the blade and the shattering of Shateiel's shards, Kensuke could look on in amazement at what he had achieved. Making another sweep over the head of Unit-02, he shouted the attack again and freed Asuka from the hold. The destruction of the shards around him made Kensuke believe that Shateiel had been destroyed after a minor struggle but was able to imagine the victory as being more than just the end of another day.

In this battle alone, after defeating his third Angel, Kensuke seemed to achieve everything he imagined being an Eva pilot could be. He had an Eva, he had a mighty weapon, he was even shouting his attack that he knew he should work on. What mattered to him the most however was that he had just fought an Angel and he achieved everything he imagined would have been his.

This entire situation became enough for Kensuke to look down at the blade in the hands of his Eva before claiming, "There's... no way... this is too good..."

Before he could ponder his situation any longer, he heard Misato announce, "We have another Angel incoming!"

Looking up from his hands in bewilderment, Kensuke looked around before seeing a frighteningly familiar sight. The purple cephalopod Angel known as Shamshel was headed his way towards him with its energy tentacles extended. The sight caught him off guard wondering how an old foe such as this one could be making another appearance.

Despite his confusion, Kensuke was forced to focus on the battle as he heard Shinji warn, "Kensuke! I don't have any weapons!"

Asuka added to the alarm, "We need your help!"

The confusion Kensuke had still lingered but the alarm of his friends in danger was more important to him. If neither of them could attack, he had to. His mission was laid clear in front of him and he was determined to make sure he did not fail. Especially against the Angel that Shinji had to save him from long ago.

Rushing across the field, Unit-04 ran towards Shamshel with its blade prepared. With a mighty slice he shouted, "Aida Strike!" Shouting louder than before, the blade came down towards Shamshel cutting through its energy tentacles before splitting the body of the Angel down the middle.

The two halves of Shamshel fell apart from one another before giving a view of the landscape far ahead of him. He saw the shark-like Angel known as Gaghiel making it's way towards him as it made its flight through the air and crashing down towards him. Even with the sight of its multitude of serrated teeth about to swallow him whole, what fear Kensuke had was lost as he held on to the blade and yelled at the top of his lungs as the mouth came down.

"Aida Slash!" Sweeping from its bottom, Unit-04's blade cut Gaghiel in half just like Shamshel before it and caused both of its sides to fall at its feet. The sudden appearance of the Angels was something Kensuke only began to wonder about but discovered he would not have the chance to ask about it. Looking out past the remains of the two Angels he had just cut down, he saw a sight he never imagined seeing in battle before. An entire army of Angels progressing their way towards him.

Every Angel he ever saw before, forced to watch and fantasize facing himself was approaching him. All of them united in their advance to search for Adam and overpowering what stood in their way. It was a sight that Kensuke only seldom dreamed of before but now had the opportunity to live it. He grinned as soon as he realized this was waiting for him.

Charging up to the mountainside in front of him and wielding the blade in the hands of his Eva, Kensuke saw Sachiel leading the way down while other Angels followed behind him. With a mighty slash, Kensuke yelled, "Aida Slash!" The destruction of Sachiel was immediately followed up with his continued charge towards the army of Angels challenging him.

Every Angel he ever saw before, every threat to the human race that challenged it before was sliding down the mountain towards him. All of them prepared in a single line to challenge the one Eva Unit that held them back. Even with their combined might, Kensuke was able to continue his strikes unopposed as he cut down one Angel after another.

Kensuke knew by now something had to have been off. It was not simply the fact that every Angel that came before was challenging him but rather the fact that so many of them were appearing all at once. Even without the luxury of time he knew there had to be something that was causing such a sudden appearance of this army but could not imagine what might have been the catalyst for it. As he was forced to shout his attack again and again after every step forward however, he was reminded time and again how he would not have the opportunity to question where he was.

The more he cut away and destroyed the army of Angels, the more difficult it became for him to think about his situation critically. He was losing himself further and further in what had become a realization of his greatest fantasy. Even as he found himself killing the same Angel he faced before again and again, he could not get enough of being able to lay waste to the beings in ways he never imagined possible before. Indeed it was an unimaginable fantasy he never imagined possible and he was about to be reminded how serious it would truly become.

He could not tell how many Angels he destroyed but there eventually came a point where Kensuke could look ahead and notice there was nothing challenging him. He was given a chance to give his voice a rest after all the times he called out his attacks and he could still relish the feeling of having overpowered so many Angels on a day that did not seem to warrant such an invasion. He did not have a chance to ponder his situation for long however as he felt his blade vibrate and command his attention.

Looking down at the blade, Kensuke felt something occur to his vision. He was not blinded but the color red simply overwhelmed his senses the longer he continued to look at his weapon. The sight of red came to have a hypnotic hold over him as he tried to imagine how everyone would react after seeing him destroy so many Angels. As soon as he turned around, he discovered how he would not have that opportunity.

At some point the area around him transitioned to night but it was not the only thing Kensuke noticed was different about the Tokyo-2 area. A red light emanated from the tops of the mountains in the distance but most terrifying of all was the sight of what became of the city he had aspired to protect. Ruins. All of it leveled to almost nothing and no signs of life to be seen.

This could not have been what Kensuke had fought so hard to achieve. He had gone through so much only to discover that Third Impact occurred without his knowledge. His Eva unit stood tall as the only thing in existence as a testament that mankind ever truly existed.

The scenario became enough of a nightmare for him to envision but he felt fear lock him in place as he heard a weak voice call out, "Kensuke..."

Turning around, Kensuke could only describe what he was seeing as Rei Ayanami but in pure white. He could recognize that much and yet it was not the sight of her he recognized. He could not explain what it was but it seemed a transition occurred for a more chilling face to appear. His father.

The face of Toshiya Aida asked, "What were you trying to accomplish?"

Kensuke's eyes widened as soon as he heard that question. He did indeed hear the voice of his father and he was wrought with anguish at what became of Earth. And he was the only one who could answer.

He could not explain what made him think he was accomplishing by answering the white being but Kensuke requested, "Father? What... what do you mean?"

The white being with the face of his father answered, "You were never the one to bear the world. Now look at what you have wrought."

The statement cut directly to Kensuke's fears as he heard that statement. Hearing it from one of the few people who really mattered to him the most was one of the harshest things he could have dealt with. It did not help that seeing it in the center of an apocalypse that occurred without his noticing was what brought this about.

Desperate to deny he might have had a hand in such devastation, he pleaded, "Father... I didn't want this..."

Toshiya denied the answer by asking, "Did you? Is this not what you wanted to occur?"

"Never... I did this for everyone..."

"Was this for Rei?"

Before he could answer the earlier question, Kensuke found himself hoping the influence on Rei might have been for the better. He couldn't. His reach out to her was pragmatic at worst and selfish at best. He never did anything to try and make her life better and never truly was able to make her life mean anything better. When he was especially challenged by the threat of what Mitsuru might have done to her, he did nothing but comply with his demands instead of helping her.

"Was this for Asuka?"

Another failure on Kensuke's part came from realizing how he never tried to help Asuka. She had completely changed into someone who was head over heels for Shinji and he never tried to solve what made her into what she had become. Shinji certainly was not happy about it and the old Asuka he knew would never have been happy with what she had become. What she had become confused many and left everyone struggling to comprehend the new her.

"Was this for Shinji?"

Before Kensuke could confirm that was his intention, he remembered what brought him here in the first place. He finally managed to get through to NERV but in turn blackmailed Shinji and threatened him to make his life miserable if he did not do his bidding. The root of his intentions were hardly what anyone could call pure. The worst of it all might have been that this was what caused him to be where he was now.

Even with the destruction of Iblis and Azrael on his hands, Kensuke realized how little he accomplished. He tried to rationalize that it would all build up to something truly significant, but the area around him served as a firm reminder of how it was too late to change anything. He tried to stand against the terror of the Angels and he allowed Earth to become the hellscape he feared he was trying to prevent.

Try all he could to rationalize where he was, there was nothing he could do now. He was the one who took one Shateiel and allowed his lust for a power fantasy to control him. He had done worse than fail, he had done nothing. Nothing he did changed the course of humanity and its final fate.

"Now you see." The voice of Toshiya proclaimed as though he was able to read Kensuke's fears. "You see what you are to humanity and its struggle."

Kensuke felt himself shaking and panting as he was forced to hear such a dismissal from his father. He was hearing it from the last person he wanted to be looking down on him but there was truth behind every conclusion he could make. He tried to bear the weight of everything progressing in NERV on his shoulders and he allowed himself to cause the end of everything to occur.

Kensuke grabbed both sides of his head as he cited what had happened, "I wanted to be a pilot so bad... I wanted to help everyone... Now I caused this..."

"This is my fault..."

The response somehow managed to send Kensuke into a further state of despair as he heard his father curse what had happened. The person he most wanted to make happy was standing in front of him displaying his grief. Out of every failure he could most hate himself for, seeing his father cursing what came to pass was the most soul crushing experience he could imagine.

Desperate to keep him from wallowing in grief anymore, Kensuke began to feel tears roll down his face before managing, "Father... please... I was the one... who let this happen... I tried to change everything... I thought being what I wanted to be would help everyone..."

"You can my son..."

Those last words caught Kensuke off guard as he heard them. What he hoped was the key to his salvation however was instead the distraction necessary to make the monstrosity pin Unit-04 to the ground. The weight immediately fell upon him and he began to feel himself harmed in ways he never imagined.

Weight fell down upon him as he not only felt he was being choked but every joint in his body was beating down on him. Try as he might he could not do anything to free himself or even squirm to indicate his desire for freedom. The only thing that remained was how he kept hold of the blade that brought him to this point.

Looking back up to the monstrosity pressing down on him, Kensuke asked, "F... father... what's... happening?"

The face of Toshiya looked down on him with indifference as he answered, "The weight of the world my son. Bear the weight and feel what you faced. "

The continued press against his body made Kensuke feel something crack within him. He could hear a series of additional ones as he felt himself choke against the weight that bore itself down on him. Each and every one was a ring of pain that overwhelmed his body and made him scream as hard as his strained neck allowed.

Kensuke could not comprehend how this was happening to him. The fact his father seemed to be the one attempting to kill him made him feel confusion and fear stream their way though his body as he tried to discover how he could survive this. More importantly how someone he valued so much was willing to go so far as to determine his death was necessary.

Kensuke forced himself to speak again as he pleaded, "Father... please... I... don't wanna... die..."

Toshiya shook his head telling him, "It is a mercy for you. You have caused so much. How can you face those who have survived? How can you tell them that you were right?"

There was a tragic truth behind what Toshiya told Kensuke. He could not possibly meet anyone who might still be alive and explain how he was in the right. He could not justify what he had done or make his pursuit of his personal fantasies seem like they were for the best.

It was his wallowing of despair that left him in another moment where he felt more of his bones shatter within him. It became more of a struggle for him to let out a scream of pain and he began to feel himself closer to his demise. It seemed there was no hope for him at this point and at the end of the world he could not imagine there was anything that would save him.

Just when it seemed he was forced to accept his fate, he discovered a tear in the air that occurred to his right. He could describe it as what seemed to be a ring of light forming around him and the white being. He knew it might have been too late to discover what was happening but he came to realize he was in the center of an illusion.

The first sign that gave Kensuke an idea of what was around him came from the sight of the arms of Unit-01 and Unit-02 reaching out to him from both sides. In the background of the ring of light they were in was the sky of Tokyo-2, the city he had been tasked with defending. He could not imagine what he was looking at, but the idea that there was a chance for him to return to the place he was fighting for was all the hope he needed to continue his struggle.

As much as he wanted to survive, Kensuke was reminded of the two things that were keeping him under the pressure. His gradually breaking bones that hindered his movements and the weight of the creature that was supposed to be his father. He had no way of stretching out his hands to either side or even grasping hold, he was stuck under the growing weight. What he did have however was the blade that brought him to this point.

Despite the difficulty of holding it before, Kensuke still had some strength in raising his arm to point the blade towards the hand of Unit-01. It strained him more than he ever imagined possible but Kensuke forced himself to bear the pain as the only means necessary to achieve his survival. In that moment of desperation it was the only way he could imagine his escape becoming possible.

Hope sprung in Kensuke's mind as he saw Unit-01 reach out for the blade and take hold of it even as the tear into Tokyo-2 tried to close itself. While Unit-01 struggled to keep moving through the tear, Unit-02 was on the other side holding both sides open with its arms and feet on the edges of it's own. Free to take hold of the blade, Unit-01 dragged itself into the devastated plane Kensuke resided in and saw the white being with Toshiya's face turn to look in surprise.

Kicking the handle of the blade into its hands, Unit-01 freed the blade from Unit-04's hand and pointed it with both hands. It was only another second before a mighty thrust found it's way through the body of the white being. The creature emitted a mighty roar of pain that resonated through the air and into the ears of the cockpits that made it a struggle to continue hurting it, but its struggle to remain alive was gradually extinguished.

Kensuke felt an initial rush of hope as he saw the creature above him wail in pain but remembered what was at stake when he heard it speak. It was a scene where he could describe hearing his father clearly but the scream was still making its way to his ears. He had no idea if anyone else was hearing him but it made him believe it was a more personal connection than he might have thought.

The creature spoke, "Kensuke! Why?! Why do you do this?!"

His ability to speak was hampered by the pain he was bearing but Kensuke managed, "So I can live! So I can make a difference!"

"You... have... abandoned... me!"

Those last four words were what Kensuke was forced to hear before he saw the area around him break and shatter. The crystal walls of what made the body of Shateiel were broken and its core hung in the air held up but the blade Unit-01 held. A brief look around confirmed that Kensuke was indeed back in the world he thought he devastated. As he reflected on the implications of what happened, he began to realize what he had done to the area around him. Most hauntingly the last words of his father.

Desperate to hear his friend again, Shinji asked, "Kensuke! Are you okay? Kensuke?"

Kensuke could not recall when he began to feel the pain again but felt it press upon his body with sudden abandon. He struggled to even force a syllable out of his mouth as his body continued to register the number of broken bones being recognized. He managed to survive but it all came at the demand he be where he was now. Struggling to move or even express his pain. Left with the haunting memory of his father's proclamation.

---

A/N:

With that, another Angel chapter but this time a major development for one of the pilots. One thing I've always heard as an argument against making Kensuke a pilot is that it's basically just giving him what he wants. I took that up as a bit of a challenge here to basically remind that in Evangelion, anything can cause a character to break be it physically or mentally. Probably pulled it off more on the former but I hope it's enough to at least give the feeling of what might happen in an episode.

As you might be able to tell, Shateiel is the other Angel from the '93 proposal that appeared alongside Turel. What details there are about this Angel probably makes it more of a proto-Ramiel rather than how I depicted it here. I effectively already had an idea for how I wanted to handle Kensuke's last outing on the field and ultimately came up with using this one as a result. I basically read the part about it being designed as an "optical combat weapon" and came up with the idea of giving it illusionary powers as they were presented.

I also want to note that I do know Kensuke's dad was named Hajime in Thrice Upon a Time. I just introduced Hajime Suruga into this story and I didn't want to risk the confusion was all. I named him after one of the animators, Toshiya Washida. One of the many meanings behind the name is "outstanding person" with the second kanji meaning "father" so I figured it was the most fitting to choose from.

So that leaves us open for another progression now that I hope leaves you all hoping for the fate of various characters and developments to be revealed. Believe it or not, things are going to keep going further downhill until they get better is all I can say for now. So with that in mind, I hope I get to see you all in the next chapter.