Chapter 38: Are These Who We Must Care For?

Maintaining NERV had become a routine procedure for Takeshi that made him remember just how little control he had of the outside world. Not from an Angel attack but from the arrival of a pair of giant containers that were immediately taken to the lower depths. As soon as they were opened, onlookers knew what they received but were left in confusion at what they were handling.

He made his way to Fuyutsuki demanding, "There is no point in keeping secrets Fuyutsuki. Tell me what these things are supposed to be."

Fuyutsuki watched the contents of the containers prepared to be hoisted as he told him, "Of course. New Eva units for our remaining pilots."

"Anyone can tell what these things are. What we don't know is why these things are here. We don't even have a mention of their manufacturer anywhere. As far as I know we sure weren't building these things below ground."

"There are times where you will have to accept that there will be developments that are outside your control, General. This is only one of them."

"That is hardly reassuring. How are we even supposed to know these are not built as an elaborate trap for us?"

"We have outside assistance and there are those within this base who have connections. If it was the destruction of this place and your execution anyone was hoping for, it would have been achieved already."

Being forced to recognize how truly delicate his position as the leader of NERV had become left Takeshi uneasy. He knew he could not demonstrate any signs of fear but the idea he could easily be replaced left him uncertain whatever steps he would be safe making. At the very least if Fuyutsuki was telling the truth, he could assume the new Eva units were going to be under his command for however many Angels were left for him to fight.

Trying to bring himself back to the subject of maintaining NERV, Takeshi asked, "I understand these units will be for our remaining pilots then I take it?"

The two heard Satsuki enter as she answered, "Indeed General. That is their purpose. Unit Alpha is assigned to pilot Rei Ayanami and Unit Beta is assigned to pilot Kaworu Nagisa."

Hearing Satsuki reveal what she knew made Takeshi demand, "Explain to me why our current units are being replaced."

Looking over to Unit-04 and Unit-02 where they were held, Satsuki reminded, "Neither of them are built with the pilots in mind. It resulted in the battle against the previous Angel being more difficult than necessary."

The difficulty the pilots had before was clear to Takeshi as he determined, "And both of these were. I don't know what sort of testing of children you're up to but you make it sound as though these two had that sort of attention."

Satsuki agreed with the evaluation as she explained, "With Unit Beta being the foremost concern for us indeed. Whenever its pilot is inside, it will have no choice but to obey our every command."

Satsuki's attempt to undermine his position of power made Takeshi warn, "I see that you are taking precautions at least. You're all fortunate you did not have to run this by me first or we would be debating the use of these things before allowing them to be implemented."

Fuyutsuki caught on to Takeshi's concerns as he warned, "I am sure you do not want to see children be harmed under your watch General, but you risk compromising our best chances by questioning every new development. Especially when these two are as expendable as they are."

Takeshi turned to Fuyutsuki as he countered, "A poor choice of words. Is there something I should know about NERV that is not being disclosed?"

Satsuki alleviated Takeshi's accusation by explaining, "You must understand that these children you are concerned with have been working with us for this long and have little else. One of them is not even of human origin."

The reminder of the suspected Angel among them made Takeshi reason, "All of you are still on about that Kaworu boy being an Angel. If it were true we would not even need these measures and we would have dealt with him."

Opening a nearby briefcase and showing the garment inside, Satsuki explained its purpose, "And this is how we will make sure he does not have any further ideas about disobeying us. Our research has created a jacket that will form around him at all times when he is with us. Most important of all it will make sure he does not attempt to find Adam as long as he is with us. At the first indication we receive of his deviation, it will detonate and destroy his body."

Seeing the garment resemble a straitjacket did little to assure Takeshi of what was going on. He was in command of NERV and yet things that made their way through were still outside his control. The difference he was trying to make in the lives of everyone around him was still an aspiration he could not say he accomplished.

Dedicating himself to stopping everything that would come afterwards, Takeshi lamented, "It is a callous approach that we allow this to take place. We are supposed to be standing for humanity and none of this is the sort of thing we should be permitting to exist among our species."

Confident there was nothing the General could do to stop what few adjustments within NERV were occurring, Satsuki reminded, "You must not forget what sort of children we are dealing with General. One is an Angel that has chosen to fight for us instead of its own kind. The other is a shell with no soul. There is no pushing of boundaries as far as humans are concerned. The only one we may have any real concerns for would be the pilot of Unit-02."

Feeling his aspiration challenged by Satsuki's report of Asuka, Takeshi reminded, "What happened to her is the fault of you people. And we will make sure you do not put her through any more Hell than you have."

Satsuki smiled as she told Takeshi, "You will be pleased to hear that she will not be suffering for much longer General."

"...to a game of solitaire... Awaken oh Red Queen... to a game of solitaire... Awaken oh Red Queen to a game of solitaire."

Asuka blinked as the words she heard became clearer and less dilated. Immediately afterwards she ached like she never imagined possible. She almost wished she was comatose again but remembered what sort of general feelings she had before. The sight of red and the feeling of death enveloping her were enough to make her accept the pain she was feeling now.

Rather than a long rest, Asuka felt as though every bone in her body had been snapped before being reassembled. She had no recollection of what happened to her but the long blank that came before now was not reassuring. The sight of the ceiling above her however was enough to remind her that she did indeed have consciousness and it was the one thing she treasured the most by now.

It took a while for her to turn her neck but Asuka saw two familiar faces who watched over her. Aoi Mogami watched her developing state while Kaede Agano repeated the chant into a microphone. It was apparent to Asuka why the words were so clear when she began to register that ear pieces were lodged in her ears.

The motion was enough to make Aoi tell Kaede, "It is working as Satsuki told us. We can anticipate her awakening any moment now."

Kaede finished repeating the phrase as she accepted, "It's good to see she is alright. We will have to hope the remainder of her commands will function as intended. Preparing her is going to be necessary."

Aoi set her clipboard down and agreed, "It is time for us to begin then."

Both Aoi and Kaede began their work by taking hold of Asuka's limbs and bending them in alternation. The initial movement earned soft yelps from her as she felt herself move in what felt like a long time but she could feel her circulation returning to her senses. She was readjusted to look back up to the ceiling where she could find herself looking up again and felt her ear pieces being removed.

It took another passage of time before anything else happened, but Asuka could hear Aoi ask, "Asuka, can you speak?"

Asuka blinked a few times before she looked around and answered, "I... I can... Where am I?"

Kaede explained, "One of the previous Angel attacks left you incapacitated for a while. Is that familiar to you?"

The explanation left Asuka shaken as she realized what happened. Indeed she was comatose as she recalled and her memory was still intact. What she could not recall however was what caused her to be where she was now.

After briefly struggling to conjure the memories that brought her here, Asuka answered, "I remember the last Angel I fought... I can't... remember... What happened when I was out there?"

Aoi took the opportunity to answer, "What you need to know is that you have destroyed the Angel but you sustained heavy injuries. We needed to place you here in recovery to make sure you would recover."

Asuka continued to try and readjust herself as she told Aoi, "Alright. I want to get out of this thing. How long is it before I'm out of here?"

Seeing Asuka try to force herself up made Aoi place both hands on her as she told her, "Your muscles still need readjusting after such a long period of inactivity. It is likely the trauma of what happened during your fight with the Angel contributed."

Realizing that she would not have a chance to leave any time soon made Asuka groan before accepting, "Alright. Just get it over with. Do whatever you have to get me out of here."

Kaede reminded, "It is important that we make sure she is in fact ready."

Aoi agreed and turned to Asuka to ask, "We will require one confirmation from you before you are ready. Tell us, do you recognize the name of the pilot of Unit-01?"

Before Asuka could answer she felt hesitant before saying anything. The question was straightforward but there seemed to be something behind it. She could not say what it was but there seemed to be a reason she could not give full confidence to her answer.

Trying to make sure she was hearing properly, Asuka asked, "The pilot of Unit-01?"

Aoi moved away from the subject as she asked, "How far back does your memory go?"

Aggravated that she would not get a straight answer about what she was going through, Asuka told her, "I remember when I was very young. This doesn't have to do with anything."

Aoi countered the dismissal explaining, "We need to make sure that you are stable again. It would seem that everything has gone as well as we could have hoped."

Readjusting her head to look up at the ceiling, Asuka told her, "Of course. Just as long as I am out there. Now how long does it have to be?"

Kaede addressed Asuka's eagerness explaining, "You will be ready soon enough. Just remain here and continue resting until your body can properly move again."

The attempt to assure her made Asuka counter, "Resting here is why I'm feeling like this in the first place! That doesn't make any sense!"

Aoi tried to calm her by warning, "Straining your body beyond its current limits will make recovery more difficult. Give yourself until the next Angel attack at least."

Asuka sighed as she realized she was not going anywhere but added, "Fine. Tell me just one thing though."

Pleased to hear she would cooperate for now, Aoi accepted, "Anything we know of."

Asuka remained fixed on the ceiling as she asked, "The pilot of Unit-01. Who is it?"

Kaede looked in fascination as she heard the question. The child who piloted one of the most prominent Eva units was not someone to ignore after such a reputation had been built over time. Yet here Asuka was trying to determine if she even knew him.

Aoi was the one to answer as she explained, "There are details you will come to discover over time but the name of Unit-01's pilot means nothing to you. All you need to know is that he is gone and you will not have to concern yourself with him anymore."

This was not the first time Misato dropped a difficult decision on someone she cared for and it was not likely to be the last either. She could not even believe that she was willing to take on one of the most intimidating ideas she could have imagined. When her own mother was willing to say that she was not ready to take care of another life she had her doubts about being successful at all.

It was this sort of decision that made Misato sit in the kitchen area with no one but Pen Pen to occasionally glance towards her. She could have made an argument that not everyone around her became a lost cause, but it was difficult to argue considering others. She had no idea how anyone who might have been a friend at one point or those she tried to take care of were doing. It left her in a state of uncertainty as she realized she was trying to justify what she had done just today alone.

There was this and many other reasons that Misato found herself being left to ponder what she had done and if she wanted to continue forward. The one she loved brought himself back into her life but it was happening at such a painfully slow rate as well. The day dragged on where she was left hoping she did not make another mistake that would drive the one person she cared for away again.

Shinji could not believe what he had thrust himself into now that he was under the same roof as Misato again. He was going to be a father at his age. What he was doing with her was in retrospect a very irresponsible act and realized he was relying on her to be the one to prevent something like this from happening. He had no reason to doubt that all of his previous couplings with her would bring them to this point but still found himself amazed she did not attempt an abortion by now.

He did not withdraw his initial hope of being brought back into Misato's arms but Shinji could not find himself happy at the news either. He was thankful it seemed like Misato knew he would be shocked this way but it was still a difficult thing for him to accept all the same. How he was ever going to be the father she needed him to be still tugged at him with fear as he realized what he was getting himself into.

Shinji tried to sum up all of the concerns he had as simply as he could by asking, "Is it right?"

Misato realized the fear Shinji had. Even if their love for one another meant anything to one another, they still bore responsibility for the life they were bringing into this world. A world that seemed to never be away from the edge of destruction and could eliminate the human race at a moment's notice.

There was a legitimate concern behind Shinji's question but Misato remained dedicated as she told him, "I wish it was."

Shinji knew there was no way out at this point. Being with Misato meant he would be accepting the weight of what brought them together and what they were enduring now. They were both careless enough to come to this point and Misato was the one who was willing to bear the burden of carrying life inside her.

The remainder of the day became an awkward one for Shinji to accept. The fact he did not leave her was enough to prove he was willing to stay with Misato but he was still shaken by what being with her would bring. He was unsure how he was supposed to feel or what to think about bearing such an intimidating responsibility.

He lay on his bed as this fear continued to weigh on him. He could not say he imagined himself becoming a father any time soon and the world he lived in was just one reason. The idea he might become the object of any woman's affection was already enough of a stretch for him to imagine, but the fear of what he was became an even more intimidating thought. All of his struggles made it difficult for him to accept himself for who he was, what sort of example could he set for someone younger than him?

That was when Shinji realized his greatest fear at that moment. The idea that he would be anything like his own father. The same man who saw him as a means to an end on a good day and showed almost no interest in him virtually every other. Someone who looked around and saw no hope for a better future other than what he wanted to achieve.

The thought of such a future made Shinji tighten his hold of both sides considering the premise. He could not imagine what someone like him was capable of and had an even harder time imagining he could be any better than what he knew. All of the accumulated fears of what could happen were so great he could not comprehend how anyone would allow this to happen. He knew he could not resort to being withdrawn for the remainder of his life when so many factors threatened him, but it was the most he was willing to do given the circumstances.

It was almost dinner time and Misato feared what going up to get Shinji would be like. Even having the willingness to establish what was expected of him was not enough to confirm she was ready to face whatever came next with him. She was not a mess anymore, but she would only argue she felt a little better than before. That small improvement was something she was fine with only when she considered the alternative.

However much of an improvement her life was going on, Misato could not help but wonder how long this calm could last. It was one thing to reveal an unplanned pregnancy to another man, she had done it to a child. Her hopes at happiness came with the reminder that all the teasing and pushes forward eventually brought them to this point and she was fine placing this onto Shinji.

Who could say one was the adult in the situation over the other? Shinji was the one who brought himself back into her life while Misato could tell she was the one who needed to be reminded she was worth keeping alive. When it came to revealing the baby however, she saw Shinji become the same reclusive child who was afraid of even the slightest challenge she had known. He needed to be assured of what he could be in a situation like this, and she could not imagine herself being the same individual who would provide the assurance he needed.

As her thoughts continued to linger, Misato looked up to see Shinji making his way up to her as he entered the kitchen area. He was not anxious to be here again but he also knew he had a responsibility he had to fulfill as long as he was here. It was difficult to imagine he would accept where he was, but he continued to face every day of difficulty with the same dedication he showed to every challenge that faced him.

The fact he was willing to have such conviction in facing the day made Misato feel a sense of disappointment in herself. She was supposed to be the adult in this relationship and she was the one putting those adult responsibilities onto Shinji. How could she say she was the one fulfilling whatever sense of normalcy this relationship should have had? What argument could she make that would conclude she and Shinji were in the right place for their respective ages?

Misato realized she would not have a chance to reflect on these questions any longer as she heard Shinji ask, "You think I won't be my father?"

She was not pleased to be forced to answer but Misato answered with a firm denial, "You're not like him. You know what he is doing."

Misato's assurance did little to convince him. There was a time where he might have believed the idea of his life ahead being full of possibilities but now it seemed like he was being denied any choice at all. His choices were either to throw himself into a world of uncertainty or dedicate himself to becoming the father Gendo Ikari would not be. Both choices left him unable to think of what else he could say that would not break the recently repaired bond they had with one another.

Misato could tell Shinji was not any better assured as he made his way to the stove and began to set up for dinner. Seeing him prepare made Misato stand up as she made her way to the refrigerator and provided everything necessary for a stir fry. She was relieved to see Shinji going along with the idea as he started cutting carrots.

Dinner came and went and both parties could not argue their situation was any better than where it was a number of hours ago. Misato tried to muster the will to start a conversation that would break the silence but knew it would only come off as a desperate attempt to veer away from where she was. She began to fear she was doing just that by maintaining the silence however and hoped she was making the right decision by starting one.

Misato took a breath before asking, "So do you have any idea what you're doing tomorrow?"

To her relief Misato heard Shinji answer, "I didn't think that far ahead. I guess now I have to be ready."

It was a typical indifferent answer but Misato felt a sense of relief despite the tone. The answer reminded her of a simpler time where she was the one trying to encourage him to be more than what he was. With their current state however, she knew she would have to be more careful if they were both going to avoid falling off the deep end again.

This reminder made Misato suggest, "You're taking on a lot. You're not being tied down to anything though."

Shinji shook his head explaining, "I'm living for someone else. I can't avoid this."

The sight of him being so resigned to his fate left Misato cursing herself for creating such a quandary for Shinji. As much as she tried to make it seem like he still had some sense of control in life, he was still keeping himself resigned to what he always was. Even worse how he was essentially confirming it was something he wanted all along.

Misato tried to determine what Shinji's motivation was as she asked, "I get why you came back. What made you decide to stay?"

A brief pause came before Shinji managed to answer, "I have to live for someone. I can't do anything else. That's all I ever wanted."

Misato could not tell what else she could have expected. She was with a boy who believed he had no other reason to live than to make someone else feel as if their existence was valid. Before she could curse Shinji's obdurate nature she caught herself asking if she was any better.

Through much of her life Misato found herself latching on to others hoping she would have a feeling of fulfillment no matter how brief it might have been. Even when it ended up being a one night stand she was still looking to others for a brief period before leaving them and never speaking again. She found herself despising herself further as she tried to account how much of that might have affected her relationship with Kaji.

Deciding she could not do anything else, Misato took hold of Shinji's hand reminding him, "That's probably better for me as well."

Shinji was saddened when he considered the sense of desperation behind Misato's appeal. It was apparent to him that she wanted him to have some sense of security now that he was with her. He could not consider the idea that she was lying to him, especially when she was being so careful with how she was approaching him, but he could not say he felt assured or ready to face the remainder of his life afterwards.

The silence that lingered made Misato wonder how she was going to tell Shinji what she felt without making herself seem wretched. She was supposed to be the support he needed and yet she was still trying to draw from him as well. If their relationship was going to work, she knew being more open than she was before would be the only solution. It was the most likely one to solve much of what they had gone through and it was the most intimidating one as well.

Shinji realized he forgot he was holding Misato's hand as he thought about what he had gone through and what was about to come. It seemed like a short time ago that he was trying to deny that anything between them could have ever worked. When everyone around them was the one obstacle that kept them from considering one another but we're now coming out as survivors in a challenging world.

There was a time when Shinji would have retracted his hand at Misato's gesture but instead found himself taking hold in return. After being separated for so long he could not bring himself to accept pushing her away again. He was still in a state of uncertainty when it came to preparing for what the future held for them both but he came to decide it was worth whatever the risk might be.

Takeshi was left wondering what sort of condition Asuka had when she came to confirm her preparation to be sent for battle. Upon meeting her for the first time she seemed to be a perfectly normal girl who had nothing bothering her other than being sent to formation so suddenly. He would have assumed the same thing of Rei if it were not for having such a look of indifference towards the situation. What little he knew about her indicated this was how she was supposed to be.

The one individual that left him shaken however was the sight of Kaworu in his new Eva suit. It still resembled the suit the boy pilots used but now had multiple straps and locks across his body. Even remembering the necessity of keeping him this way still left him uneasy to see someone childlike be forced to bear what he wore.

Takeshi turned to Satsuki asking, "I understand the necessity, but is something like this supposed to be so appalling?"

Satsuki explained, "The pilot of Unit Beta is bearing an experimental suit that we have been developing. Given a number of years it could be condensed to a more compact article, but right now this is what we have to work with. We only have to hope it is enough to handle him."

Asuka tried to understand the observation asking, "What are we worried about him for? Did he do something?"

While Takeshi did not hope to start any controversies among the pilots, he knew they had to be revealed immediately as he answered, "We have discovered the nature of Kaworu's origin. This boy we have allowed here is an Angel fighting for us."

Asuka turned around shocked at the answer while Rei watched him. Only the fact they were not in Eva units was enough to keep the two from considering harming him. While the precautions made sense by now, little was achieved in alleviating the confusion that had been established.

Asuka voiced what was on her mind asking, "You're saying he was fighting for us this whole time?! That doesn't make sense at all! What is an Angel supposed to be fighting with us for?!"

Kaworu took the opportunity to explain himself, "I am here for the one I love. I assigned myself that duty long ago and now I have to fulfill it."

The explanation did little to assure Asuka while Rei added, "He has not been able to find Adam after all this time. Or rather he has kept himself from doing so."

Being reminded of his supposed purpose made Kaworu explain, "I do sense Adam in this place. I sense him every day. It pains me every day knowing I must fulfill my instincts. This is the least that can keep me from searching any further."

There was assurance in hearing Kaworu not deny what he actually was but the sense of dread that came from it was intimidating for the adult onlookers. The idea of an Angel fighting other Angels was a concept no one was ready to accept but were asked to accept just now. Much had changed in NERV and this was one that shook an already weakened foundation.

Satsuki was the only one who was unshaken as she reminded, "This suit has been designed so that only I and the other MAGI technicians can unlock it. Any tampering from him will ensure he does not live to attempt it again. I should also remind you that he has gone through this voluntarily. There is a reason we can rely on his cooperation."

Takeshi leaned forward as he asked Kaworu, "Listen, it's a noble thing to fight for someone you care about. But I need to understand who you are fighting for. Who is this person and how are they so important?"

Kaworu remained at ease as he answered, "He is the one I have admired for a long time. He is everything good about humanity. Shinji Ikari."

Thankful he was so cooperative, Takeshi still found himself uneasy when he considered one of the pilots was being approached by an Angel all this time. He kept himself from his own thoughts about Kaworu being attracted to Shinji somehow and accepted it was the one way he was kept on the leash of humanity. All he could accept was that there was someone in Tokyo he knew was still affiliated with NERV and he would have a chance to secure him at some point.

Playing along with his reveal, Takeshi acknowledged, "That is good to hear. We will have a chance to secure him when we find him."

Despite the reveal, Asuka found herself confused as she asked, "I don't get it. He didn't say who we were supposed to find, how does everybody else know?"

Satsuki took the opportunity to answer, "All you need to worry about is that Unit-02 is ready for you again Asuka. Simply defend this city as best you can and I am sure you will be successful."

While there was a brief sense of confusion from onlookers, the question of Asuka's observation was dismissed as Takeshi told the pilots, "I would prefer things had turned out differently. Where we are now however is what we must prepare to face. Our mission to defend humanity will continue as it had before until it finally ends."

Kaworu accepted the condition, "I await your orders General."

Rei added, "I will obey sir."

Asuka was more hesitant as she found herself questioning what was happening but accepted, "Call us when you're ready... Sir."

The pilots were gathered away and made their way down the halls by Satsuki while Takeshi had an opportunity to speak with the next two people he was waiting for. With the necessary information he had been searching for, he was eager to meet face to face with two people he was able to trust after all the chaos that ensued through NERV.

Takeshi greeted Porter and Hawk, "I trust you both will have no issue accomplishing what you are assigned?"

Porter confirmed, "Whatever it takes General."

Hawk agreed, "You only need to give us the word."

Takeshi accepted the dedication as he explained, "I will need you both to locate and extract an individual. One Shinji Ikari."

A/N: And that's another one down. I figured it would be important to demonstrate what it was like for the two lead characters to reconcile where they are. Reestablishing a relationship, especially one that was quickly rebuilt like this one, does not start off on a note where everything is looking great ahead. Especially when it is about to go public for everyone to see and there are going to be those who will have their own thoughts about what they're seeing.

Speaking of which, there basically is a new status quo at NERV just now with Kaworu effectively replacing Shinji. Also, Unit Alpha and Unit Beta are indeed the scrapped SEELE units from Gunparade Orchestra. I know Unit Alpha is supposed to be using a Dummy Plug of Rei as a pilot, but I figured it made sense for SEELE to rework it so that it functioned with her piloting it. Guarantee you will be seeing them and Unit-02 in battle again sometime soon.

On to the subject of Unit-02, Asuka is indeed back in the story again after I changed my mind on what to do with her character. Originally, I was actually planning to just leave her fate ambiguous to whether or not she recovered but I decided doing that went against what I was trying to do with this story. If anything, having her be here is a crucial part of maintaining key aspects of the original source material and that's as much as I'll reveal for now.

You might be asking though why Asuka seemed to not hear Shinji's name though. You might also wonder how Shinji and Misato will handle making themselves known at last. Questions like these are about to be answered in later chapters with absolute certainty. I hope to see you then.