Hello everyone I'm back once again to bring you another chapter of my story; I hope you all are enjoying my story and keep supporting my work. This chapter is going to be more comedy than action so don't piss on my head about it; next chapter though that's when Naruto starts showing his stuff. Now then without further ado let's begin.
Mist and Maelstroms: Chapter 5
Konoha academy: With Naruto
Naruto entered the room where the first phase of the chunin exam is going to take place; as he looked around, he saw a bunch of older genin from nearly every village. Naruto decided not to say anything and calmly walked over to a seat and sat down; he then heard both Ino and Sakura begin to argue and became annoyed.
'Man, I never realized how loud Sakura is' Naruto thought 'how was I ever attracted to her is beyond me' Naruto thought. He then felt someone sit next to him; he looked over and saw it was Shino Aburame. Naruto didn't know him that well even though they spent 6 years together in the academy.
"Uzumaki" Shino said monotone "I have a matter to discuss with you" he said and Naruto gulped.
"What would that be Shino" Naruto said 'aww crap did I piss him off or something' he thought.
"I am here to talk to you about Hinata" he said and Naruto looked confused.
"Uhhh who" Naruto asked confused and Shino pointed to another seat; Hinata Hyuga was currently in a sad and depressed state.
'I missed my chance' Hinata thought 'Naruto will never love me; nobody will love me' she thought as she laid her head down on the desk.
"What's wrong with her" Naruto asked and Shino sighed.
"From what I was able to gather a person whom Hinata fancied romantically has found a lover and Hinata is in a depressed state" Shino said said "While I personally do not wish to be involved in such a problem, I believe it is important for me to get her out of her depressed state for the betterment of the team" he said and Naruto nodded.
"Man, she lost the guy she liked" Naruto said looking at the depressed girl "man that sucks; well probably for the best anyway. Guy was probably a total douche" Naruto said unknowingly insulting himself.
"I agree the likely hood of that is high; Hinata is a far too trusting person" Shino said oblivious to the fact he was talking to the person who broke Hinata's heart in the first place. "So, what do you recommend that I do; Kiba is an idiot to feelings, Shikamaru is useless, Choji is glutton, and Sasuke is not sociable. So, you are probably the only one who can possibly help" he said and Naruto thought.
"Well, I kinda did the same thing a few days ago" Naruto said "try flowers; Alstroemeria's, Aster's, Azalea's and Camellia's to be exact. Then get her, her favorite food; that's what worked for me when Mei was feeling sad" he said and Shino nodded.
"Flowers; Hinata likes to press flowers. She also likes cinnamon rolls to an unhealthy degree" Shino said getting up "thank you Uzumaki; I appreciate your advice" Shino said and Naruto scoffed.
"Call me Naruto will you Shino" Naruto said and Shino nodded.
"Very well… Naruto" Shino said walking away.
'Huh he's not a weird as I thought he was' Naruto thought.
Just then a puff of smoke appeared in the front of class and a man wearing a bandana along with 20 other proctors appeared.
"Ok maggots my name is Ibiki Moreno; it's time to begin the first phase" He said in a loud voice "find your seats and get your sheet for the written portion of the chunin exam" he said.
Naruto's heart dropped "Written portion" Naruto shouted.
With Mei and the other jounin in televised lounge
"Written portion" Mei shouted 'oh god I only worked on Naruto's combat skills; I never thought he'd had to take an academic portion of the exam' she thought. 'Ok don't panic Naruto is crafty; I'm nearly certain he can pull through' she thought as she looked at the monitor.
Back with Naruto: 40 minutes later
Naruto was sitting nervously as he hadn't even answered a single question on his test and he only had 20 minutes left.
'Damn it' Naruto thought panicking 'I have no choice; I have to cheat somehow' he thought but how he wondered. Naruto thought for a good few second until he remembered his training 'yeah that can work; won't be subtle but it can work if I'm fast enough' he thought.
Naruto then put his hands under the desk and went through hand signs 'Water Style: Hidden mist jutsu' just then Naruto's canteens exploded and a thick cloud of mist went around the room.
"Hey what happened" one voice yelled.
"I can't see" another voiced yelled.
"Someone just touched my boobs" a girl shouted.
"Sorry my bad" a disguised voice said.
"Enough" Ibiki shouted as he did a jutsu to disperse the mist; when he looked around, he saw everyone in their original spots.
"Hey where's my test" Kiba shouted as his test was missing "and what the hell is this" he said picking up some cloth and seeing it was a Suna head band.
"You" Temari shouted standing up and grabbing her fan "you're the one who groped me; I'll kill you" she shouted as she ran over to Kiba and started beating him with her fan.
"Enough" Ibiki shouted again "proctors disqualify that boy and his team; and file a sexual harassment incident against him" he said pointing to the half dead Kiba on the floor. "Ms. Temari; sit down and refrain from further violence" he said and Temari huffed.
"Next guy who touches me dies" she shouted.
Naruto was staring at the scene in horror 'Sorry Kiba' Naruto thought 'I was going for the guy next to you; but hey better you taking a beating than me' Naruto thought as he put his test in his pocket and wrote his name on Kiba's test.
After another 20 minutes Ibiki announced the final question and asked for those who did not want to participate to drop out; several teams did and all that was left was 27 out of an original of 40 teams. After the remaining teams stayed behind Ibiki announced they all passed and the meaning of the test.
"Ok then brats" Ibiki said "now- "he began until a ball of cloth busted through the window.
"What the hell" Naruto shouted as he stood up holding his sword ready to fight; just then the ball unfurled and revealed a banner that read 'the Sexy and Single Anko Mitarashi' with a Purple haired woman in fishnets and a trench coat standing in front of it.
"All right kiddies; I'm Anko Mitarashi the proctor of the second exam" Anko announced loudly "don't get too excited as the pain has only begun; so, lets go follow me" Anko announced loudly striking a pose. Naruto and everyone else in the room was looking at her baffled.
"Anko" Ibiki said dully "the second exam isn't until tomorrow" he said and Anko blushed in embarrassment. Anko looked around and saw only one person standing up; a blonde-haired boy with shark like teeth and a big sword.
"What's wrong blondie" Anko said striking a pose "intimidated by my curvaceous and sexy body; sorry but I'm not into younger guys" she said and Naruto sat down.
"Bah whatever" Naruto said surprising Anko "Mei is way hotter than you; her hair is nicer, her boobs are bigger and she can kick your ass in a heartbeat" Naruto said.
With Mei
"Aww Naruto" Mei said with a goofy smile "you really think that of me; you shouldn't be talking about your sensei like that" she said.
Several of the jounin watching her sweat dropped; Kakashi was looking at her with a narrowed eye.
'So, she's the one who trained Naruto' Kakashi thought 'she doesn't seem so special' he thought as he returned his attention to the screen.
Back with Naruto
"What the fuck did you say" Anko shouted picking Naruto up by the collar "say it again you little blonde shit and I'll- "she began.
"Anko" Ibiki shouted "you really going to beat up a genin over something so petty" he said and Anko scoffed and let Naruto go.
"Come to training ground 44 tomorrow at noon for the second phase; and I can promise you all that at least half of you will be cut by the time I'm done with you" Anko said as she jumped out the window.
Naruto slung his sword and began to walk out until Sakura got in his way "what the hell Naruto" she shouted are you trying to get us disqualified" she said; Naruto then grabbed her shoulder and physically moved her out of his way.
"I told you don't talk to me Haruno" Naruto said as he walked out the door.
A few hours later: Hokage tower
"What" Naruto shouted as Mei looked down "What do you mean you have to go back to Kiri" he said.
"It's time for my coronation to become Mizukage Naruto" Mei said with sorrow in her voice "but I promise you I'll be back in time for your finals and I'll be watching you through the live feed" she said.
Naruto looked down "it's ok I understand" Naruto said "it just sucks you won't be here; I'll miss you" he said. Just then he felt his head get grabbed and get picked up; Mei then took off his headband and planted a kiss on it making Naruto blush.
"I'll be back don't worry Naruto" Mei said before giving him a hug "I'll see you later Naruto" Mei said as she disappeared in a swirl of water. Naruto stood there for a few seconds and touched the spot where Mei kissed him.
Naruto smiled lightly and felt a war sensation in his heart 'what was that' Naruto thought as he clutched his heart; after a few seconds it didn't go away 'Damn it what's this… wait I know who to talk too' he thought as he ran off.
With Hinata
Hinata Hyuga was lying down on her bed as her bad week got worse; first she found out through Ino that Naruto was dating an older girl, then she went to the chunin exams and chickened out talking to Naruto and now her and her team was disqualified because Kiba lost his test and groped a girl.
To say that her father and Kiba's mother were angry was an understatement; Tsume is currently hazing Kiba and Hiashi for the first time in a long time showed actual concern for her and asked if Kiba ever acted or touched her inappropriately.
'Why can't this week just end' Hinata thought; just then there was a knock at her bedroom door "coming" she said walking over to it. Upon opening it she saw her teammate Shino standing there with flowers and a small box. "Shino what are you doing here" Hinata said.
"Hello Hinata" Shino said in his monotone voice "I come bearing gifts of flowers and food" he said handing both to Hinata.
"Umm Shino, what's- "Hinata began.
"Naruto informed me that this would be the best way for me to express my concern for you" Shino said and Hinata's eyes grew wide.
'Naruto why would he- 'Hinata wondered until it came to her 'wait is Naruto apologizing to me through Shino' Hinata thought. "Umm Shino why did you do this for me" Hinata wondered and Shino adjusted his glasses.
"Because I care about you Hinata" he said making Hinata's cheeks redden "your sadness made me concerned about you and I was not willing to stand by and watch you suffer" he said. Hinata then began to fidget.
'Shino cares about me' Hinata thought 'Naruto is apologizing to me through Shino; he saying that I should move on and date Shino because he cares about' she thought misreading the situation as steam began coming out of her ears.
"Anyways I'll be going" Shino said as he began to walk away.
"W-wait Shino" Hinata said stopping him "umm do you want to umm… share my cinnamon roll" she said nervously. Shino paused and thought.
'Hinata wishes to share her food with me' he thought in confusion' Shino thought 'I see she wishes to deepen our bond by sharing food and establish further trust and companionship' he though misreading the situation himself. "I'd love to Hinata" Shino said as Hinata slowly stepped out of her room.
"I'll get us a plate" Hinata said nervously as she escorted him to the dining area.
Due to his ignorance and misreading of a situation; Naruto has unintentionally sowed the seeds for a new couple in Konoha.
With Naruto, Kisame and Raiga in the anbu bar
Naruto took a swig of whiskey and slammed it on the table "-and she kissed my forehead and left" Naruto said "and now I'm feeling weird" Naruto said as Raiga took a sip of his beer.
"I'm afraid I have the answer to your problem Naruto" Raiga said "You have something called 'Bitch dependency Syndrome'" he said and Naruto looked at him. "You basically became so attached to her that you don't think you can function without her" he said "you need to push her out of your mind and focus on things that matter" he said and Naruto nodded.
"He's not wrong but he's also not right" Kisame said taking a drink of his sake "you depend on Mei like how… we depend on our swords" Kisame said grabbing Samehada. "If we don't have them then we are not swordsmen; we can live without them but we cannot function without them" he said and Naruto slammed his head on the table.
"Damn it I don't know what to do" Naruto said taking another drink "I can't think of anything except Mei not being here" he said until he felt a hand land on his shoulder.
"I think it's love Naruto" Itachi said "you have developed feelings for Mei and now you can't shake them; you established an emotional connection with her and now that she's gone you want her back" he said.
Naruto, Kisame and Raiga and every anbu in the room looked at him like deer in head lights; just then everyone in the room either drew their swords or broke their bottles to use as improvised weapons.
"What the hell are you doing here" "Die Itachi" "You still owe me money" everyone began to yell until a voice spoke up.
"Silence" Hiruzen shouted using chakra to amplify his voice "he is free because I freed him" he said and everyone looked at Hiruzen like he was crazy. "I found out some thing's and turns out Itachi was not responsible for the Uchiha massacre; he's 100 percent innocent and is under my direct protection while the investigation is going on" Hirzuen said and everyone lowered their weapons. "Now go back to drinking" he said as everyone sat down.
Itachi and Hiruzen then both sat down at the table "hey Itachi" Naruto whispered "so you didn't really kill your clan; and betray Konoha" he asked and he looked at Naruto.
"No, I 100 percent did that" Itachi whispered and everyone at the table sweat dropped "but there is more to it than that; I was actually working as a spy for Konoha on the Akatsuki. I was fine until Kisame here blew my cover" he said looking at Kisame.
"How the hell did I do that" Kisame said angrily.
"If you didn't betray the Akatsuki I wouldn't have had to try to kill you to keep my cover" Itachi said angrily "also you dragged me back to my home village alive; there is no way I can go back without having my mind read and being killed" he said and Kisame looked a little sheepish.
"Oh damn" Kisame said "my bad" he said before Itachi took an un-opened bottle in the middle of the table.
"Anyway Naruto" Itachi said "from the sounds of it you must like this Mei woman on a romantic level; and her leaving was the trigger that made you realize it" he said.
"You never know what you had until it was gone" Hiruzen said taking a swig of Naruto's whiskey "I know the feeling all too well" he said.
"Well, what should I do" Naruto said "should I go off after her and tell her how I feel" Naruto said and they all protested.
"What hell no you don't want to seem desperate" Kisame said and the others nodded "for now just wait until the finals and when she finally arrives back tell her how you feel; who knows maybe she'll way yes" he said and Naruto scoffed.
"Please in what universe can a genin hook up with his sensei" he said before taking a swig of whiskey.
"Well Naruto there is only really one solution I can think of" Hiruzen said as he raised up his hand "2 bottles of whiskey, 4 bottles of Sake and 2 pitchers of beer; on the double" he ordered and the bar tender began preparing their drinks.
Later that night
Sasuke Uchiha was sound asleep in his apartment.
"Shhh be quiet you'll wake him" a drunk Naruto whispered as he Kisame, Raiga and Itachi all snuck into Sasuke's home; they were all currently drunk and now duct taping Sasuke to his bed without waking him.
"Ok done" Itachi whispered "Raiga the blind fold" he said chuckling.
Raiga then put a blind fold on Sasuke without waking him "ok ready" he whispered.
"Hold up wait" Kisame whispered with a devilish smile on his face; he then walked over to Sasuke's head and turned around and pulled down his pants. Kisame then let out a loud fart right in Sasuke's face; both the sound and smell woke him up.
"Oh my god what the fuck" Sasuke shouted unable to get up or see.
"Get him with the socks" Raiga shouted; Naruto, Kisame, Raiga and Itachi all began to beat Sasuke with socks full of bars of dead batteries. After a few minutes they all stopped and began to laugh at Sasuke's pain; as they all began to leave Kisame turned around.
"This is what you get for being an asshole" Kisame said as he and his drunk friends left the house; Sasuke began to moan in pain as he laid in his bed.
"What did I do" Sasuke groaned out.
The next Morning
Hiruzen woke up in his bed with a hangover 'Oh god how much did I drink' he thought; he then looked to the side of his bed 'better be quiet I don't want to wake Biwako' he thought. He then opened his eyes in horror 'wait my wife is dead' he realized; the then removed the covers revealing the person underneath.
"*yawn* Morning already" Tsume Inuzuka said getting up and making Hiruzen pale; Tsume seeing him crawled over and kissed him "you pervy old man; calling me over for a booty call in the middle of the night. How alpha of you" she said drawing circles on his chest.
Hiruzen had wide eyed 'this is wrong; she's young enough to be my daughter' he thought; he then looked at the happy and satisfied face of Tsume 'but if I'm wrong, I don't want to be right' he thought. "Well, I didn't become Hokage by being a saint" Hiruzen said as Tsume crawled up next to him and put her head on his chest.
"And you keep saying your too old" Tsume said "but from my P.O.V everything I still in prime condition" she said with a giggle.
'Damn I'm good' Hiruzen thought.
Training ground 44: 1130 hours
Naruto was looking at a bruised and angry Sasuke and Sakura hounding him over his wounds; Naruto trying to hold in his laughter "hey bastard' Naruto said gaining Sasuke's attention "what happened; some of your fan girls jump you or something" he said and Sasuke became angry.
"Shut it idiot" Sasuke said "and for your information I got jumped by a group of foreign ninjas last night; but what you see here isn't as nearly as bad as what I did to them" he said.
"Wow Sasuke that's so cool" Sakura said in her total fan girl mode.
Naruto rolled his eyes 'oh please' Naruto thought 'although if you said you had a sock party done on you in the middle of the night by drunk people, I'm sure people would call you crazy and delusional; but I wouldn't because I was there' he thought with a chuckle.
"Ok you little shits listen up" Anko announced "I'm going to explain the test of the second phase" she said; she then explained how they will have one scroll and have to gain a second scroll by fighting another team. "Ok then with nothing else to say go to your gates and wait for the signal" Anko said.
As everyone went to their gates someone stood in front of Naruto "uhh can I help you dude" Naruto said.
"I am Subaku no Gaara" Gaara said in his monotone voice "who are you" he said and Naruto smiled showing his shark teeth.
"Naruto Uzumaki" Naruto said and Gaara nodded.
"I sense that presence inside you Uzumaki" he said making Naruto's blood run cold "I wish to fight you; do not lose this exam" he said before he walked by him. He was then followed by a guy in a black cat suit and the girl with the fan who beat Kiba yesterday.
"Hey blondie" Temari said making Naruto stop in his tracks.
"Yeah, what's up" Naruto said 'oh crap does she know it was me who groped her; it was an accident' he thought while sweating.
"I totally respect you, you know" she said to Naruto's confusion before pointing at his sword "Giant sword; Giant fan. People do not appreciate or understand how much of a pain in the ass it is to carry and use a weapon like ours" she said and Naruto smiled.
"Yeah, sharpening my sword takes about an hour on each side" he said "well take care fan lady" he said.
"Take care sword boy" she said catching up with her brothers 'another giant weapons user; I'm no longer alone in my struggles' she thought.
As Naruto and his 'team' waited at their gate he currently had the scroll in his hand and was wondering what to do with it; he then saw a puddle and had an idea. Naruto quickly went through hand signs 'summoning justu' Naruto then summoned a small shark "hey can you hold onto this for me please" he said.
"Sure, thing kid" the shark said taking the scroll and vanishing in a puff of smoke; Sasuke and Sakura looked at the interaction with wide eyes.
"What the fuck was that" Sakura screeched.
"None of your goddamn business that's what" Naruto shouted back; just then the signal went off and the gates opened "lets get this crap over with" Naruto said as he and his team ran into the forest to begin the second phase of the chunin exams.
Ok another chapter done; first I would like to say that yes Itachi was a spy for Konoha and he fought Kisame in order to keep his cover because the Akatsuki is always watching, second the blanket party is a thing we do in the military to guys who are total shit bags, third Shino and Hinata are going to be a couple, fourth Hiruzen and Tsume… because why not, and last Temari and Naruto will become friends over the fact they both use giant weapons. Let's be honest I feel bad for anime characters who have to carry giant weapons; I get tired carrying my crossbow and backpack when I'm out hunting for hours on end. Wait until the next chapter because that's when things will get more actiony and serious; so please like, comment and share with your friends and until next time bye.