Outcomes: Glory Obscured

"Internal and external darkness create each other, just as do internal and external light: that is the underlying unity of the Force."

Jedi Master Mace Windu, 22 BBY

568 LE

Taith Onderas felt like he'd spent forever in the waiting room on Idux, waiting for what he didn't know. When the door finally opened he trembled in his seat, like a man wrenched from a dream. He expected to see that young Jedi, Ashar Tholme, return. Instead an alien walked through the door.

It was not just any alien. It was a woman. Small horns jutted from her brows and beside her chin. Her long gray hair was tied at the back of her neck. Her skin, though weathered by age, was a striking scarlet.

"Good morning," she said. "I'm sorry we kept you waiting."

Taith swallowed. "It's not a problem."

"My name is Essan."

"I know."

She frowned.

"I was… told of you. I believe you know a Nikto called Vaatus, and Reina Kroller."

"I knew them." Essan walked to the same chair Tholme had vacated and sat down. Taith remembered the teacup in front of him. He reached out and found it cooled.

"My name is Taith Onderas," he stuttered. "I'm a scholar based on Chandaar."

Essan folded red hands on the tabletop. "I was told you want to learn our secrets for your latest book."

She said it plainly, neither teasing nor threatening. Taith didn't know what to think. Nervously, he sipped his tea. It really had gone cold.

He swallowed and said, "Your young man said you might tell me the whole truth, then erase it from my memory. Is that true?"

"It's something we can do. I don't think you'd prefer it."

"I prefer to remember the things I learn."

"And write about them, so the whole galaxy can read about us?"

"I don't mean to air things you want private."

"But you are researching a book."

"Yes," he admitted. "I've… written many others. But I swear not to print anything you don't want known."

"Then I'd prefer you not print anything at all."

So he'd come all this way for nothing. Taith felt sad and angry at once. He'd come so close, even set foot on this forbidden world, only to be turned back at the threshold.

"I do want to know," he said weakly, "even if it's just for a little while. If you tell me, then wipe it from my mind… I could consent to that."

"The truth matters, even if it disappears?"

"I think it does."

She stared at him. Taith felt a jolt of fear, just knowing how helpless he was before her. Was this how Brexin had felt when he was with the Iduxians? No, he said he'd been following his gods, gods he'd believed in until they'd betrayed him.

Essan still said nothing. Taith asked in creaking voice, "Why have you secluded yourself for all these years? Your people are barely a memory now. You're a myth."

"That's what we want."

"But why?"

She looked at her folded hands. "Mister Onderas, have you ever made a mistake so large it will take more than your life-time to correct?"

"No," he said, "but I'm only a scholar. A writer. I'm not so important a person." Not a god.

"And have you ever been so convinced you were doing the right—the necessary—thing, that you caused what you were trying to prevent?"

"I… No. I haven't. But my life has been much… smaller than yours."

She unfolded hands, shifted them to her lap. "The Jedi did those things, Mister Onderas. Now why do you think we've secluded ourselves?"

He shrugged weakly. "Is it... a penance?"

"Not even that. It's indecision, Mister Onderas."

"I… don't understand."

"We were certain once. It brought us to disaster." She looked into the room's shadows. "It may be a long time before we're certain of anything again."

"How long?" he asked.

"Generations." She paused. "The Jedi were cloistered in one system in the Deep Core for ten thousand years. You'd think that would be enough time to prepare us for the greater galaxy, wouldn't you? But it wasn't."

Ten thousand years. The Liberation Era, in which all human history was charted, was one-twentieth of that span. "That's an incredible amount of time," he said, "but that's the span of the Jedi, correct? Not your own. You're only mortal… aren't you?"

"I'll live as long as you. But long life doesn't guarantee wisdom. Or righteousness."

"Ah," he said. "The Hutts. Of course."

"Not just the Hutts."

When she didn't elaborate he asked, "Miss Essan, how did your people go wrong? I've been told that of the Iduxians who gathered here—the normal Tionese who followed you—very few survived."

"Yes." Her eyes flicked back to him. "We didn't kill them directly. If that's what you thought."

"It wasn't," Taith said. But he had wondered.

Essan shifted in her seat. This was as uncomfortable for her as it was for him. "Those people followed us and we failed them. That was our mistake, Mister Onderas. One of many."

He dared ask, "How did they die?"

"It's difficult to explain."

"I… would like to hear it. Even if you won't let me remember."

Red lips curved to a smile. "You are a strange person, Mister Onderas."

He was looking at someone stranger. "I'd like to listen, if you're willing to tell. I came here for answers. About the Iduxians. The Jedi. And Xim."

"Ah," she said. "I thought you would bring him up."

He sensed her barriers weaken just a little. "Do you know what happened to him in the end?"

"I know he was captured at Vontor and taken to Varl. After that?" She shrugged. "I imagine I've heard the same stories as you."

"Were you at Vontor for the Third Battle?"

A tense drawn silence. Then: "Yes."

"I've heard there was a red-skinned woman who served Xim for years. Was that you?"

"Yes."

"I was told you betrayed Xim to the Hutts."

And again: "Yes."

"Why?"

A minute tolled past. Then she said, "We thought we were doing what was right."

"Is that another of your mistakes?"

She gave a minute shrug. "That one is… harder to judge." Yet he heard regret.

"What is Xim to you?" he asked.

She thought about that for a long time, before giving an answer he'd never expected. "Xim was just a man."

"Really?" Taith blinked. Not a monster, not an enemy, not a lover or a friend. Not the blazing sun at the heart of history. Just a man. But Essan was a goddess. Her perspective, surely, was different.

He also noted her past tense. "Do you know whether Xim is dead? Is that something, ah…"

"A Jedi can tell?" She raised a horned brow. "Sometimes. But in this case, I really don't know. He'd be old now. Eighty years, thirty of them in Kossak's dungeons. Death would be a kinder fate. Xim despised cages."

A reasonable answer, but Taith was disappointed. Had he been hoping all along that the Despot still lived? Of course he had. It was better to circle a live star than a dead one.

Another thought occurred to him. "You say you betrayed Xim to the Hutts. Did you do it, personally?"

"Yes." Her voice was dry.

"And did you, well, know any Hutts?"

She looked at him with narrowed eyes. "I met one called Churabba, the aunt of Kossak. I believe she has a fief in the Si'Klaata now. But that's not what you're asking, is it?"

He actually felt embarrassed. "It was hard to get to Idux, but I found the right person. If there's any place to learn what happened to Xim, it's Varl."

"I don't think the Hutts would welcome you, even if I gave a recommendation."

"True." He didn't know what to make of these Jedi, but they were more generous than expected. The Hutts would never be so kind.

Then Essan surprised him again. "It might be different if I went with you."

"That's…"

Outrageous. Incredible.

Exactly what he needed.

"I've always wondered too." She looked back into shadows. "Whatever happened to Xim, it was a fate we delivered him to. It seemed… wrong to walk away without seeing how his story ended. Even then, it felt was wrong."

But she'd done it anyway. Taith leaned forward. "What happened at Vontor? Really?"

Then she looked at the ceiling, breathed deep. She was preparing herself for something and he tensed, wondering if she'd spill it all, wondering if she'd wipe it from his mind minutes later.

But she said, "It's a long trip to Hutt space. There will be plenty of time to fill."

He wondered if he could endure the passage of lightyears, crammed inside a tiny spacecraft with a dangerous goddess. Then he remembered they wouldn't be alone.

"If you're really offering, I can't turn you down," he said. "But I should tell you about my pilot first."