I knew even then that staying away from Roxanne and ignoring her was wrong and I didn't enjoy doing it, but I was still very hurt by her kissing Simon that I still just wasn't ready to even be anywhere near her, let alone talk to her. Deep down, I really wanted to do all those things, but my thoughts and feelings kept telling me that I just wasn't ready yet. They even told me that I would never even be ready to be with her ever again in the future. I wasn't ready to talk to her about it or listen to her point of view about it because I kept thinking in my head what if she wasn't sorry for what she did and for breaking my heart and she would only try to justify what she did.

Like I said, I had been through many tough times like losing my mother and being bullied all my life, but nothing ever hurt me in my life more than what Roxanne did to me. I kept thinking if she didn't want to be with me anymore or if our relationship wasn't working anymore. If she wasn't happy with our relationship and she wanted to end, why didn't she just tell me? Why did she have to cheat on me behind my back like she did? That was the stingiest part of this entire issue and that was why I was struggling to even look her in the eye let alone talk to her about it. I knew she kept coming to watch me at my football practice, my proper football games and my Sweeney Todd rehearsals, but I was still too deeply hurt to even appreciate her doing that, no matter times deep down I really wanted to.

I mean, after all I did for her, like doing that Powerline dance during the final assembly in Summer 1995 and then dancing with the real Powerline in his LA concert to impress her and then taking her out on the best dates I could and giving her the very best presents I could afford to give her from all the money that I worked my butt off and this was the thanks I got from her?

My best friends PJ and Bobby knew that there something upsetting me a lot and they kept trying to get me to talk about it, but I wasn't ready to do it. Even when they they found out that the issue was between me and Roxanne, after she bumped into them and asked them why I was avoiding her and they didn't know why, and they again tried to encourage me to talk to them about it or to her about this issue and resolve it because it would do both me and her some good, I still wasn't ready to do it. And another main reason I didn't tell them about it was because I didn't want to spill any beans about it to anyone else in the school, either accidentally or intentionally. It was hard enough going through this privately but if my other school mates heard about it and spread the word around the whole school and made gossips about it, it would only make going through it even harder for both me and Roxanne than it already was.

And now that I lost Roxanne, seeing Peej and Bobby in their happy relationships didn't really make me feel happy for them. I was jealous of Bobby and Stacey's relationship and hearing them tell me about all the wonderful dates they went on and how happy they made each other and how proud they were of each other in either school or on their jobs made me feel like a complete and utter failure.

And I was also jealous of Peej who had started a new relationship with Lisa. Peej told me he found Lisa crying at the restaurant he worked at, which was his afterschool job and he was a janitor there. As he comforted her, she broke up with her boyfriend Chad because she discovered that he had been cheating on her and he had been doing it ever since they became a couple since they first met in Spoonerville High School. Despite only being a janitor, Peej managed to persuade the chef to make her the restaurant's very best burger and fries and he paid for it. Lisa was so grateful for everything Peej did for her that she offered to take him to see the latest coolest movie at the movie theatre after he finished his shift, which he accepted. It was a successful date and they had been many more wonderful dates since then and Lisa said that Peej was already a better boyfriend to her than that stupid, awful Chad ever was.

Even though I was very jealous of my friends being in very happy relationships while I had no girlfriend, deep down, I would rather them be in happy relationships instead of them going through what I was and joining my self-pity party.

And there were plenty of ladies who wanted to go on a date with me. They included the whole cheerleading squad, including the head cheerleader Susan, and Molly, the actress who was playing Mrs. Lovett in our Sweeney Todd production. As flattered as I was, I just wasn't ready to have another girlfriend because what Roxanne did to me scarred me from trying to a new relationship.

My dad knew something was upsetting me and he tried to get me to talk about it, but I just wasn't ready yet.

Anyway, I was busy enough with school and work at the Spoonerville Gym and Sweeney Todd rehearsals and football matches, especially now that I was now playing the lead role in Sweeney Todd and I was now the promoted captain of the Spoonerville High Football Team. It was a lot of work, but I was enjoying it and I felt I was proving my worth and making up for what I lacked in academic work and it was keeping me occupied and I hoped it would help me get over what Roxanne did to me.