I have so much time to reflect while sitting around that I end up deciding to root around in my bags for my journal. It's been ages since I wrote in the thing, but all these thoughts need somewhere to go. Plus, maybe it'll help with the mental health stuff.
As I'm heading up the stairs to the dorm, I hear teasing and lighthearted jeering. I nudge open the door to see one of the legionnaires, Rorian, standing on one of the beds as he recites poetry from what looks like a journal.
"Her kindness blooms, a garden rare
Beacon of hope for hearts in despair,"
"Hey look! Dragonborn, here!"
Someone shouts and Rorian turns, jumps down off the bed and holds out what looks like a personal journal, grinning widely. I scan the room as I take it, noting Hadvar, Thelessa, Skorm, Andrinius, and Zakarus all watching. Hadvar looks worried, and starts towards me.
"It's nothing," he says, shaking his head, "A silly little thing—"
"You should read it," Zakarus says, as Rorian moves to block Hadvar. I want to deny them, to hand the journal back to it's owner – I can hazard a guess based on how he's reacting, but I'm fairly sure it belongs to Hadvar – but some of the words catch my eye as I glance down to close it.
At first she seems a timid flame
But strength within, none can tame
Moved with grace, a touch of care
Though warrior's blood she does declare
Her eyes they dance like Kyne's own skies
A soul unfettered, daring to rise
She stands with flame, with blade and bow
Against dark nights her spirit grows
Yet in quiet corners with Dibella's light
Softly wrapped in velvet night
Her kindness blooms, a garden rare
Beacon of hope for hearts in despair
Though dragons soar with breath of fire
Her will flares bright, a burning pyre
With bow in hand and heart untamed
She wields the storm, her name acclaimed
And still her softness graces few
A gentle touch, a dream renewed
In her embrace, I find my peace
Her beauty's song, my heart's release
So here I stand in awe, in love
For she is blessed by stars above
A fearsome warrior, gentle muse
For her, my heart, I could not lose
The legionnaires are waiting with bated breath for my reaction as Thelessa and Skorm look back and forth, apparently confused. I look up from the page after a few moments of silence, feeling a slight smile on my face. For she is blessed by stars above.
"This... its beautiful," I tell them, looking at Hadvar. "Did you write this?"
He shrugs, tilting his head side to side in that roundabout way of saying yes. Andrinius slaps him on the back.
"Who knew Captain was such a romantic, eh?" He asks, looking to me, "What do you think of it?"
"I think..." I scan the words again, before closing the journal. I know that it's part of lost traditions for Nords to also write, but I didn't think it was something still so common in the modern age. "Whoever it's about, she's a lucky girl. Wish my boyfriend wrote poetry like that," I add, feeling a little sense of wistfulness. For someone whose race is supposedly so enamoured with the arts, I don't think I've ever seen Ondolemar even enjoying music.
The energy in the room shifts suddenly, as I hold the journal out for Hadvar. He takes it, studying me.
"You have a boyfriend?"
"Ondolemar, I know I mentioned him," I explain. I notice the others are exchanging glances, some of them looking crestfallen, but I guess that's just what happens when you find out someone's unavailable. I nod at the journal.
"So, who's the lucky girl? Do I get to meet her sometime?"
"Er, just a girl in Dragon Bridge," Hadvar says a little awkwardly. "Legion type, I'm sure you can imagine."
"Well, you'd better introduce us when this is all over," I tell him, forcing a smile. Something about the news that he's seeing someone sits... weirdly with me. I want to consider her a competitor, but I was never really vying for Hadvar's affections to begin with. Maybe it's just that we're close friends, and I'm worried that I might "lose" him as a friend or something. Either way, he seems happy so who am I to deny that?
Dinner in the hall was apparently already something of a regular thing, and many of us end up in a singalong with Liesel, one of the musicians who plays the lute. Even if Skjoren and Kaleb are trying to make themselves a nuisance to the rest of us, it's good to see everyone relaxing. I note that it's getting harder to tell the legionnaires and locals apart, and if not for the fact I made sure to learn their names, I'd probably think the same of the Stormcloaks. Skjoren and Kaleb keep their armour on, but Jorell, Skorm, Thelessa and Niom mostly ditch it, Skorm and Thelessa keeping their mantles but Jorell and Niom leaving them tossed on their beds upstairs.
Liesel announces a new song she's just learned, warning us that it isn't exactly a kind one for youngsters. She strums an almost discordant note on the lute, before beginning to play a downright eerie, haunting melody. I tilt my head, listening for any familiarities – I've spent long enough listening to various bards that I thought I knew most or even all of the popular songs in circulation, but this one... it feels unsettling.
"In city of stone, a house lies still
Betrayal inside, a bloody kill,"
I freeze, recognising the allusion to Markarth, to the abandoned house in Markarth. Since when did people sing about abandoned homes?
"Vigil slain by unwilling hand
While deep inside, her shrine yet stands,"
I feel sick. How is this already a song? I try to take a sip of the juice I'm drinking, but my hands are shaking as I realise everyone's attention is on Liesel.
"Ensnared, embraced, brought to her knees
Feed a hunger inside to hear them plead,"
I need to get out of here, but I can't do it noticeably. People might question it if I suddenly flee. I glance around, plotting my path to the door.
"Suffering, torment, glass shredding skin
Tearing the flesh, show the monster within,"
That is such a specific detail, how did they know that? I stand slowly, moving for the door as if there's nothing wrong.
"Tossed to the day, abandoned in light
Skin-burnt repent as she waits for the night,"
I shove the door open, stumbling out into the cold and letting the wind blow the door shut behind me.
Outside, I take a couple of deep breaths, leaning on one of the posts supporting the upstairs verandah. It's dark, but not so dark that I can't see the two figures standing further out, watching me. I force myself to stand up straight, smiling at them as I do my best to saunter over. Don't be suspicious, don't be suspicious.
I know I fail as soon as I recognise Hadvar's concerned look, but he doesn't question me in front of Brand. "Nice night for a wander," I tell them both, half-heartedly. Brand scoffs, shaking his head.
"We were discussing our little Stormcloak issue," he explains. "What about you?"
"Really unsettling music in there," I tell them, jerking my thumb back at the door. Hadvar is still giving me his signature Concerned look, and Brand tilts his head.
"Isn't Liesel playing? She's usually good."
"She's playing something new," I explain, glancing at Hadvar. "Something about a girl and a Daedric Prince."
Brand still looks confused, but Hadvar's eyes widen. Yeah, he gets it.
"You could always ask her to play something else," Brand offers, but I shake my head.
"Kinda hard when the entire hall seems to be enjoying it." I grimace, shoving my hands into my pockets. I came out here without a cloak or anything and it is cold.
Not as cold as one place you've been.
I determinedly ignore the voice. "So, what's the latest Stormcloak drama?"
"Kaleb was seen stealing from the food supplies earlier. Denied it when we asked him, but I had Rhea check around their little setup – one of the bags there definitely has the stolen food in it."
"So steal it back," I shrug. "They're both inside, you've got a perfect opportunity."
"Yeah, and you think they'd take that lying down?" Hadvar asks, raising his eyebrows. I shrug.
"They'd have to admit to stealing if they want to complain, and Skjoren's not that stupid." I glance back at the door as there's a cheer from inside – I guess they liked the song. Ensnared, embraced, brought to her knees...
"There's more," Hadvar says carefully. "Rhea also found a large collection of empty mead bottles behind their camp. Along with a couple of poisons."
"So we take the poisons as well," I shrug, starting off the verandah. "Why are you pair hesitating? It's a pretty simple solution."
Putting Skjoren in the ground is an even simpler solution.
It's as if in hearing that song, she's become more bold. I refuse to let her have a say.
I hear soft words between Hadvar and Brand before heavy footfalls follow me at a light jog. I'm already halfway into the clearing, and glance back as I skirt around the garden. Brand is following, and falls into step beside me.
"Do you always think of things so simply?" Brand asks with a slight chuckle. I feel my lips quirk into a smile.
"Sometimes things aren't as complicated as people like to make them," I tell him. "Are you taking the supplies or the poisons?"
"I can get the supplies back into the cellar through the back door," he replies, "You best take the poisons. Destroy them if you can."
We reach the little camp, step around the two tents, and I scan the ground as Brand grabs the sack of vegetables the pair seem to have sequestered away. They weren't kidding about the number of mead bottles back here, but as I sift through the pile, I find our latest problem.
"Uh, Brand?"
"Yeah?" He looks up, the sack tossed over his shoulder. I kick one of the empty bottles.
"I'm not seeing any poisons."
He looks over, swearing softly as he scans the bottles. Out here, the light of Masser and Secunda makes it easier to at least see the shapes on the ground, and they all look like mead bottles.
I look up at Brand as I realise – we've all been sharing the same food, the same mead, drinking from the same barrels the past few days. There's no other way off the mountain, and collecting food for themselves now means there'll be less further down the line. Not a very strategic move, not even by Stormcloak standards. My stomach twists in anguish as I turn, starting back for the hall.
"They're not hoarding for their eventual escape," I tell Brand, as he shouts after me, following. "They're hoarding so they don't eat the same stuff the rest of us are eating!"
Hadvar was leaning against a post but as he sees us hurrying back across the clearing he straightens up. Good old soldier sense – he can tell something is wrong.
"I think they're poisoning the food," I tell him as I brush past him and into the hall again – but the door flies open before I even touch the handle.
"Move!" Hilde barks at us, as I see a small figure bundled up in Munskr's arms. He shoves past before I can even get off the path, and I stumble back as I watch him hurrying after Hilde, back to her little cabin. I look at Brand, who has just caught up. He looks stricken as he falters, but we both know there isn't time to waste.
I move again, catching the door before it fully closes and charging into the hall. There's definitely a commotion, people in panic, but I notice Skjoren and Kaleb sitting in their back corner, watching it. Skjoren is having a hard time hiding his smirk as he watches the chaos.
"Everyone, calm down!" Brand calls out, his voice surprisingly loud and authoritative as he moves over to the spot Liesel was occupying just before, raising his hands. "Folks, we need to calm down!"
There's a sharp cry as someone tries to stand, collapses, and a woman drops to his side. Hadvar is at my side, but he moves faster than me, getting over to the youth and rolling him onto his side – as another person groans weakly, falling back into their chair.
"It was them! It was the Stormcloaks!" A woman with a shrill voice cries out, pointing past everyone to Skjoren and Kaleb. "They had poisons – they've put in the food!"
"Rhea!" Brand snaps. I can see Freia is clinging to him, crying softly as he tries to comfort her with one hand, waving the other to get peoples' attention. I can see some others are leaning on tables, sagging in their chairs. A couple of the locals seem to be handling it well, but it looks like almost everyone is falling now.
"Thelessa! Skorm!"
Skjoren is on his feet, barrelling for the door, but I move to stand in front of him. He falters, his eyes narrowing as his hand falls to his axe.
"Move, girl."
"Make me,"
It's that voice, her voice that speaks back to him, challenging him. He stops dead, fingers curling around his axe as he sneers, baring his teeth like an animal.
"Skjoren, your boy!"
Thelessa's cry catches his attention, and he looks down to where she's crouched on the ground beside Jorell. He hesitates, glancing at me, back at Kaleb, before moving. He shoves Thelessa aside, taking a knee beside Jorell as he presses a hand against the boy's chest.
"What was the poison?" Hadvar, also kneeling over Jorell, asks Skjoren. The Stormcloak looks up, glaring at him. "Jorell could die if we don't know how to counter it! I know you don't give a damn about the rest of us, but you should care about your son!"
"You'll be fine, Jorell," Skjoren is telling him, but Jorell whimpers, clutching Skjoren's hand. "Just do what you were taught, you'll get through it."
"He's too young to process it," Hadvar snaps, "Skjoren, what was in the poison?"
There's a wail as we look over and see one of the locals is clinging to another small figure. A mother, burying her face in her child's hair as she hugs the limp figure to her chest. Oh gods, the kids...
"Thelessa, get fresh water," I tell her, as she stands back watching Jorell and Skjoren. She nods numbly and I grab her by the shoulders, giving her a little shake. "Wake up! We need to act fast,"
She nods again, eyes on me this time, and as I let her go she's out the door, hopefully heading for the creek. Hopefully with a good bucket.
Kaleb is shaking his head, moving back as if he's trying to deny what's happening. There's shouts, cries of pain and panic, Brand's voice trying to direct things, to help anybody, to save anybody. I've seen battles and I've seen dragon attacks, but this is a new type of chaos, something that transcends my experience.
I lurch forwards, grab Kaleb's shoulder. Skjoren knows war, not poisons. But Kaleb...
He looks at me with terrified eyes, guilt and remorse etched across his young face. He flinches as I pull him closer, tries to pull away—
"You did it, didn't you?" I ask him. "What's in the poison?"
Kaleb looks past me, to where Skjoren is practically snarling at Hadvar over Jorell's weak form. His eyes dart around the room, landing on the mother wailing as she cradles her child in her arms, to Brand, staggering and catching himself against a post as the poison takes hold of him, too.
"Nirnroot and deathbell," he says suddenly. "I've had it for weeks, but Skjoren's always said poison is a woman's weapon."
Nirnroot and deathbell. Where the hell he got enough nirnroot for such a potent poison, I'll worry about later. I whirl around, calling to Brand as he staggers into a chair, Freia still clinging to his arm as she starts to cry. He's out.
Skjoren yells as Hadvar grabs him, pulling him up and shoving him back against the wall – angry.
"What's in it?" He roars, face centimetres from Skjoren's.
"Nirnroot and deathbell," I call to him. Hadvar glances at me, but doesn't let Skjoren go. Jorell is whimpering weakly on the ground, curling in on himself as he clutches at his stomach, and I can see a number of others doing the same. I haven't worked with nirnroot all that much, but I know it slows the effects of poison; the deathbell can be fatal, but nirnroot might be what's making it move so slowly.
"What counter do we need?" I ask Kaleb. His eyes are fixed on Jorell, and he shakes his head.
"It wasn't meant to be this potent, it was only meant to make people sick,"
"Yeah, well it's certainly doing that," I snap, giving him a little shake. "What do we need to counter it?"
"Bittergreen petal," he says quickly, "But I don't know if there's any here."
"There's plenty of redwort in the woods," Hadvar says, still pinning Skjoren to the wall. He shoves Skjoren back roughly before letting him go. "I'll get it."
"Do we have time?" I ask, but he shrugs. I look at Kaleb, who seems shell-shocked, and snap my fingers in front of his face. "Kaleb! How much time do we have?"
He looks at us both, eyes haunted as he shakes his head. "I-I don't know. I didn't expect it to be this potent."
"I'll be fast," Hadvar says, shouldering past me and shoving the door open. I turn as he rushes outside, noting Skjoren is back at Jorell's side. Good, distracted for now.
"Hadvar, wait!" I shove the door open – two of us might be faster at collecting it than one, and Skjoren isn't likely to get homicidal in this moment. I hurry after him, but stop dead – he's already gone.