I am not gonna lie full-on porn gag fic. Naruto shows up kills Valentino everyone's least favorite pimp and takes over his shit when he is still building up his sex empire. Replaces him in the VVV's and becomes the beloved and desired Upper Overlord. Getting into the pants of all Female Overlords, a Few Royal Daemons, hell born, and a few extras who get blasted by the good old Rule 63 sexy ray along with whoever else I can throw in there. Velvet is the main girl here just for something new since we now have her official personality. Vox gets a bro and business partner who is not a piss baby. Angel gets a boss he likes and will be shipped with good Old Husker on the side because the ship is too good. Alastor stays his usual Ace in the hole self for some minor antagonism.
Whelp, let's get this train wreck going.
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When Naruto finally closed his eyes for the last time after all the battles had been won and finally got to rejoin his beloved wife. He did not expect to hear the winds whipping around his head nor the clouds getting farther and farther away, and he MOST certainly did not expect the hard concrete to smash into his back.
For a moment the blonde simply lay in his hole, mind processing his new predicament before finally speaking.
"Well, looks like Fate has decided to shit in my ramen once again."
Only for his mind to catch up.
"Wait, is that my voice?" with a blink of surprise, Naruto was greeted by not the voice he was used to. Rather than the voice that had been run ragged throughout his life and age, he was greeted by the one of his prime. Scrambling, Naruto climbed out of the 'Naruto' shaped hole and made his way to a dirty window on the side of the road.
The reflection that greeted him was almost a parody in his eyes. While still blond with his signature spiky mop if a few shades paler than he would like, a pair of obsidian horns poked out of his brow, reminding him far too much of the alien parasites. His skin however worsened his mood as it matched the pale gray of the so-called rabbit goddess, causing him to frown and expose his seemingly more carnivorous maw filled with fangs. And to top it all off, a pair of Rinnegan eyes stared back at him, taking in his yukata that hung off him much like a yakuza boss of his youth. And speaking of youth, he had it back and then some.
"Well, this can't bode well at all."
"You Little Fucking Skank!"
"Not well indeed." With a deep sigh, Naruto turned to face what he could only assume was a man and a woman from the shapes of their bodies even if they were rather odd both being rather tall even if his reflection told him he was rather tall himself and both sporting an extra pair of arms. But between the two, the woman stood out the most as she was head to toe in thick fluffy white fur compared to her more moth-like assaulter.
"Val I was just trying to hel-" pleaded the surprisingly deep voice of the woman before she was shut up with a hand around her collar.
"You do whatever I FUCKING tell you to do! Nothing ELSE!" barked the man as he shook her before slamming her into a wall, smoke leaking from his maw. "You are nothing but holes to be used without ME." shouted the man as he raised his clenched fist for a backhand.
"I think this has gone on quite enough." said Naruto as he all but crushed the thinner man's hand forcing him to let go of the woman before planting a foot in his ribs sending him rolling down the street.
With the crash halfway down the block, Naruto turned to the woman "You ok, miss?" he questioned as 'she looked' up at him with wide eyes that went from stunned to quickly filling panic.
"You need to get out of here." all four arms grabbed his collar as her voice cracked into a frenzy. "You, you don't know who you just pissed off. Valentino's an Overlord, he will erase you and-and. " stuttered out the woman as fear overcame her shaking form as Naruto's eyes noticed the heavy makeup and darkened fluff that peeked through.
"Hey." with a simple word, he got her attention back as gently pried all four hands off him and rubbed her knuckles. "It's going to be okay." for a moment the woman went slack as if compelled by the convention in his voice, that for once everything was going to be ok.
"YOU MOTHER FUCKER!"
And like a rubber band, she snapped back to fear.
Both turned to the bastard as he stood up, one arm fumbling into his coat as smoke billowed from his mouth, eyes burning behind his cracked lenses.
"You think you flirt with my whore, not pay and get a cheap shot on me, you FUCKER!" roared Valentino as he whipped out a gaudy overly long revolver. "I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU INTO MY PERSONAL GOT DAMN CONDOM AS I FUCK YOU TO DEATH OVER YOUR FAMILIES CORPSES!"
With only a quirked brow at the overly sexual nature of the threat, Naruto turned back to the woman "Don't worry I've got him." and began to walk towards the overly dressed moth.
Either in panic or rage as Naruto walked to him without an ounce of care Valentino began to fire. The first shot went so far wide that it hit a stop sign on the other side of the street, with the following shots not being much better, hitting seemingly everything but Naruto. However, just before they could touch each other Valentino finally aimed straight as at this range not even his shitty eyes could miss.
With a wicked grin, Valentino watched the bullet nearly plant itself in the blond's eye, only for him to seemingly vanish while his vision was filled with a clenched fist.
BOOM
Angel for a moment couldn't believe his eyes, this rando shows up and took one of the big up-and-coming Overlords and decked his skull through the sidewalk like it was cheap cardboard. So he just stood there, eyes wide and slacked-jawed, as this horned smuck dusted off his hands and made his way back with a smile.
"See, told you no big deal. You're safe."
"YOU SON OF A BITCH!"
"For the love of-I give this blind dumbass his credit he is stubborn." growled out Naruto turned to the now smoking red hole as he planted the fool in. Who within the red smoke shadow grew larger and more grotesque before with a flap of his revealed wings showed his new monstrous form. As if someone stuck a man on the head of a moth stood Valentino, who now sported far more arms and a long-needled tongue dripping with red as red haze wafted off his body, coloring the air. Now completely nude save for a few hearts-shaped fluff that covered his private bits.
"I WILL KILL AND FUCK EVERY-"
"Mini Rasenshuriken."
With a disrespectful amount of dismissal, Naruto flicked the small death sphere at the man-turned-monster and watched as the majority of him just up and vanished from existence. With an almost passive stare, Naruto watched as the now three-armed torso plopped wetly onto the cement. Only for agitation to overcome his face as he watched his opponent slowly begin to crawl forward, gurgling cruses as his body to began to slowly piece itself back together.
"Hey look I'm kinda new here but is there a way to kill this bastard permanently?" asked Naruto as he looked over his shoulder to the hairy spider.
"Uhhh-" stuttered out Angel as he looked from Val to his savior. "Ya Angel weapons, it ahh kills the soul and all that."
"Soul? What do you mean soul?" Naruto asks as he looks at the crawling moth as a nub of a fourth arm begins to form and really begins to look at him and blink in confusion. 'He's soul. Just all soul. How the hell is that even-' began to question Naruto as he looked at the abnormality before him, only for a horrid possibility to hit him.
"Hey follow-up question…. Where… are we?"
"Buddy, how the fuck do you not know you're in Hell?"
Sucking air through his teeth, Naruto let the aggravation roll over him that after all he's done, he still ends up in hell. Frustration building at the revelation, he turns his anger at the piece of shit before him and grabbed him by the neck.
"Well since my death is ruined, I'm going to need to get acquainted with here, and you're going to be my guide." began Naruto as his victim gurgled out a curse he didn't bother listening to. "Well, after I rip what I need from you." with his piece said, Naruto took in a deep breath and searched himself.
Eyes snapping open with a fire in them, Naruto's free hand grasped his victim by the skull. And tried to rip out his soul, however, since the 'body' and soul were one and the same here. Angel watched in fear as Val's body was seemingly sucked up into the blond's palm like spaghetti, and in moments was gone. Just watching as the man who saved him stood still like a statue until his knees finally gave out from under him. Ironically the same time as his saviors, however unlike Angel, the blond began to dry heave all over the ground.
Quickly mustering his courage, Angel took his chance when he saw it and tried to book it, it didn't matter if this guy just saved him if he could apparently eat souls, and he did not want to be this guy's next meal.
"Waite" it came out weak between all the dry heaving, but it was enough as with that word Angel came to a jarring stop. As one of his legs was caught in a shining gold chain connecting him to the hand of his savior and his new master.
"No! NO! NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!" cried Angel as he in desperation tried to claw off a new shinning shackle. "NO! VAL'S DEAD, THE CONTRACTS OVER! I SHOULD BE FREE!" cried the spider as tears pricked at his eyes, his leg becoming bloody as he continued to scratch at it, until a shadow fell over him and a hand grasped his. With tears in his eyes, he looked up at his new owner as he looked back at him.
"First off, stop that." The blonde began with a tone that left no resistance. "Second, let's get you off the ground, alright." not letting the spider speak against him, Naruto pulled him to his feet. Now back on his feet, the spider pushed back against the blond, still looking rather surly, but Angel didn't run off again. "Good now you know a place we can sit?" Asked Naruto, only to get a huff in response, but a small jangle on the chain was all that was needed to prompt the spider to start walking.
Despite what many would think with the tight urban sprawl and trash, there was a park. A park littered with trash, homeless tents and more than a few fucking in the bushes, but still a park. This was where the two ended up, with one nursing a cigarette and Naruto a headache from the depravity of the soul he just absorbed.
"So Mi-... Right your guy."
"Let me guess the chest fluff you thought were tits."
"Yup."
"Well they are part of the best-set of holes in hell, so I'd say they are a step up from whatever you've had." said Angel as he puffed out a ring.
"As much as I wish didn't know Anthony, I do know you are the most known holes in Hell. Ugg why even in hell am I surrounded by perverts?" Lamented the blond as he rubbed his fingers over his eyes. "But I will say Val is by far the most depraved I have ever seen if his memories are any indication."
"HEY buddy don't go using my earth name it's Angel Dust." sniped the spider as he took another drag letting the two of them drop into silence. "So you really got ol Valentino's memories in there?" said the spider as he tapped his skull with one of his free arms.
"Despite my current many regrets? Ya, I got his memories as hard as they are to sift through with all torture porn."
"Freaky."
"Yup but I guess that's what I get for absorbing a soul down here I got everything he had." began Naruto as he gave a flourish of a hand summoning a shining scroll before Angel. "Which is why I have yours and everyone else's souls contract." Showing where once was Valentino's name was now replaced with Naruto Uzumaki. "So I'd like to cut a deal with you, Angel."
"Why bother, you kinda already own me."
"And to be perfectly honest, I'd rather not," said Naruto as Angel gave him a skeptical look. "To put it simply, I can't stand the thought on sheer principle, but I also know nothing about this world and I know for a fact here in hell that the idea of free lunch always has strings." Began Naruto as he laced his fingers under his chin. "You tell me how the hell here works and in return, you get your soul back you have my word."
"No offense buddy, but words are-" began Angel, only for the contract to shrink and in plain shinning ink lay out terms just as blond said on paper.
Staring in disbelief, Angel with shaking hands took hold of the scroll and looked back and forth between it and the sinner before him. Because plane, as he was fluffy, was the condition to get back his freedom and soul just to explain to this fresh meat how things worked.
"Alright, so basically hell is just this big ass turf war of a garbage dump that-" began Angel as he spilled everything he knows to the blond demon.
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It took him nearly a pack of smokes, the blond running off for food for the two of them and killing at least ten would be muggers. But the Angel spilled everything he knew and answer every question as best he could, leaving Angel to simply rubbing his knuckles as looked on at the pondering blond. "So we cool now, right? You know everything I know; Overlords, the big man down here, the exorcists, the whole holy weapons thing."
With a deep sigh from the blond that merely made Angel's heart explode in his chest, Naruto answered. "While I would have also liked some more info on the politics of hell." began the blond as Angel froze stiff, fearing for his freedom. "You have told me everything you know." and just like that, the gold chain binding the two appeared and broke, followed by the contract appearing in a ball of light and floating into his chest.
For the first time in nearly two decades, Angel felt a warmth in him that he hasn't felt since put his name on the dotted line. For Angel, it was enough to make him nearly fall out of his chair as he bent forward clutching his chest, tears pricking his eyes. "I-I have it back." He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to meet the blond looking like a mess who only gave him a small smile back. "Th-Thank you." Mustering up his joy, the spider let out a beaming smile. Wiping his face, he shot up, a bright smile on his face. "Alright you son of bitch, this sexy man is in the mood to celebrate, drinks are on me!" an eager grin on his face as he started to walk away. "Hell, I'd say this calls for a celebratory fuck! Yo whiskers, you want some of this?" he gave a smirk and a little pose that left more than a few boys climbing over each other to get to his holes.
"Thank you for the offer, but I am afraid I must put out a counteroffer."
"Eh blondy what are you sayi-" began Angel as he turned back to Naruto only to spy a fresh unblemished contract. "DA fuck is wrong with you!" began Angel as he marched back to the whiskered sinner, bringing out one of his tommys. "I just got my soul back, and you want me to give it away!? Again!" screamed Angel, poking Naruto between the eyes with his gun. "No, I am asking for you to be my right hand."
"Well I see a contract in your hand you fucker! That's sends a different goddam message."
"Angel, let me ask you something, where can you go for protection? The most famous porn star in hell, whose soul is now up for grabs. A soul Valentino figuratively and literally road to Overlord status." lectured Naruto as the gun between his eyes began to shake.
"I got kin down here Mafia kin and I ante no slouch in scrap either." rasped out Angel as he began to waiver at the thought of it being now open season for his ass.
"But would they help I have Valentino's memories, I know how he charmed you out of your despair from a family that wouldn't accept you in life and later could not help you if they wanted to down here." continued Naruto as he slowly reached up to grasp the wobbling gun and gently pushed it to the table. "I need a power base and while I have Valentino's now, I need someone who knows how it works to keep it running. Which is you. You've been in his industry long enough to know the inns and outs down here. In return, I can offer you protection that you know I can provide." stated Naruto as he slowly coxed the spider back onto the table bench.
"Damn it." muttered the spider as he curled up his hands, tears pricking at his eyes once again. "Damn it. I finally got free, yet now I can only live with a leash on my fucking neck."
"I wouldn't say a leash, more of a dog tag and a return address." replied Naruto as he taped the contract words forming with each following word. "I Naruto Uzumaki will provide protection and care for one "Anthony" Angel Dust for as long as he works under me. Should he wish for the contract to end, he will receive his soul back and be free to leave Naruto Uzaumaki's organization without reprisal." finished Naruto as the contract word for word spelled out his deal. "I'd say that is a fair deal, wouldn't you say Angel?"
Despite his now fouled freedom, Angel couldn't help but be stupefied at the contract before him, it was so flimsily compared to his last one. Hell, he could just walk out anytime, he wanted. "Buddy, I know I am shooting myself in the foot here, but shouldn't this have more details to it? You know, don't betray me and all that yada yada."
"As I said earlier, Angel, I don't like owning people, and I'd rather have a loyal few of their own violation than a thousand chained dogs." began Naruto as he leaned forward. "And besides, what makes you think you can betray me?" stated the blond as his power pressed down onto the spider, sending shivers up his spine.
"Fair." Angel responded wearily as took a one last drag of his smoke before mustering up his resolve.
"Gota say whiskers, you're a crazy bastard but this hell, and I'll probably never get a better deal than this so what the hell, at least it will be interesting." confessed Angel as he held the contract. "So, got a pen in those fancy pajamas you got there?"
"Here, let's do it old school." began Naruto as he bloodies his thumb.
"Yeash rather mid-evil one arnt ya." said the spider as he pulled off one of his gloves and followed the blond's actions. With a final press of the thumb, the contact began to glow brightly before splitting into balls of light, one larger one that went to Naruto and a small one that flew into Angel's wrist, leaving a red spiral on his wrist.
Despite one again signing his soul away, Angel didn't feel the hollowness the last one gave, it felt distant but not out of sight. "Huh neat. Much easier than the chains, but couldn't you put it someplace a little more kinky~" teased Angel as he patted his fuzzy butt, only to get an eye roll from Naruto. "Why do I feel like I am gonna regret this."
For the first time in a long time, Angel gave a purely joyful cackle at the fact he already was putting the screws to his new 'master'. "Now do you know where Valentino's studio is because I am still trying to sort through years of gay rape."
"Ya I do, come on boss, I'll show you the way."
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Naruto couldn't help but quirk his eyebrow at the rather lackluster accommodations that the Overlord he robbed had. One would think one of the shaker and movers in hell would have a better place base of operations, even if he was a rather freshly minted one. But it seemed Valininto couldn't help but live up to all the sleaze of a pimp, with his base being a rather large but dilapidated hotel club combo covered in flickering neon and stains. "Why do I feel like I don't want to touch anything in that building."
"Ya I wouldn't recommend it Val was a ruthless pimp, but he was always shit with his cash I swear he could end up counting three fucking bills for like thirty minutes." confessed Angel as the two walked into the rather dead and slightly cleaner club as they prepared for the next night, leaving only the employees and a few full-time patrons. "But at least he cleans out the insides. Well, most of the time."
"Hmm it's not the worse one of been too at the very least." commented Naruto as he looked over at a table that just had a literal pile of coke on it. "Think you can gather everyone here?"
"Ya no problem Val condensed most of his shit here a few months ago, besides a few scattered clubs, whore houses and crack dens most of the shit is here. YO Enrique!" replied Angel before calling out to the floor boss.
Now left to his own devices, Naruto began to inspect the club in earnest, and what he found rather disappointed him. Between Val's memories and a look over the club, Naruto only confirmed his forgone conclusion, Valentino was a gaudy piece of shit. The moth's poor vision, reflecting his planning, to an almost one to one ratio. Caring only for the short term gains and his own ego and only making it this far do to his charisma, ruthlessness and ego. Using what money he had to get the best equipment but never fully supporting it, leaving them running the equivalent of a hamster wheel. Getting side tracked by his cravings and being lucky enough, his high output matched all the depraved's taste in one extreme or another. Leaving him to break everything and everyone he touched before replacing them with the next in line. His eyes finding evidence in the nests of plugs and cords, dead eyes and bruised lips.
"Disgusting." snarled Naruto at the incompetence that sat underneath all the glitz and glamer. With a deep breath that he regretted, he calmed himself, after all it wouldn't do to scare off too many of his possible workers once he broke the chains.
"Welp Showtime." said Naruto as he began to make his way to stage, where Angel leaned up against one of the stripper poles in front of the now gathered crowd.
"Whiskers got them all gathered for ya, warning tho it's a tough crowd, but if you swing your dick about you may win them over." Whispered Angel cheekily as he planted the mic in Naruto's hand.
Almost immediately, the crowd began to whisper in confusion. "For those of you who have gathered here, I'll keep this short. I have killed your former Overlord Valentino, ate his soul and now own all his assets including you." for the next few moments it was dead silence save the smack of Angel facepalm, then laughter and mocking came. This was responded to with a wave of a hand and a flash of chains to the necks of far too many in the crowd. As the sound of rattling of chains now rang loudly in the now dead silent room.
"Now that I have your attention." began Naruto as he dismissed the chains. "Yes this is all real, Valentino is no more, you are now under the service of one Naruto Uzumaki. I am going to be honest with you with this change of management there will be a lot of changes." continued the blond as he could practically smell the sudden spike of fear that now laced the room as many already dreaded what kind of monster that just swoops in on Valentino. "The biggest change being that of contracts" said Naruto as he watched a few pass out standing. "As review Valinitno's practices and terms, I need to hold back myself from puking at that what that gutter trash has done. For many of you, that means you will be relived of prior sighing."
"Uhh, what's that mean?!" either a brave or stupid sinner spoke up in the middle of the crowd.
"It means if you wish to cancel your soul contract and leave you a welcome too."
Not even the wood creaked after Naruto's statement as the room had been rendered dead before the blond before one finally grasped at their straw of freedom.
"We can leave!" another sinner shouted as Naruto's found her in the crowd, who immediately began to wilt under his gaze.
"Do you wish to leave? Before renegotiating."
"I-I" stammered out the stripper, shaking more than even her breast barely held together by her sheer bikini
"Yes or No?" pressed the blond
"I-I-YES!" with a cry of her voice, she called out her desire and in response she found her chain once more on her neck. Fear overcoming her entire being as she felt the cold steel shine bright, waiting for the pain the would come next. Only for the chain to burst into light and a bright ball to fly into her chest and a feeling of warmth to overcome her being.
"There. You are now free to go."
"I-I-I missed this warmth." whispered out the woman as she collapsed to her knees, hands worming in between her massive breasts, tears now flooring from here face.
"Wholly shit, Tiffany got her soul back."
"This is fucking legit!"
Almost immediately, the room erupted with noise of sinners, some clamoring for confirmation and other trying to push themselves to the front of the crowd to be free next.
*SMACK*!
With a single deafening clap that passed like a wave over the crowd, Naruto regained control over the room. "While I know many of you are eager to be relived of your contracts, please be advised after words you are expected to vacate yourself and all your personal possessions from my properties."
"Waite what?"
"To put it simply, after you are free of your contracts you are no longer my problem I have no reason to house, pay or protect you after words. You will be on your own." sated Naruto as he looked out over a far more hesitant crowd, eyes picking out the now freed sinner now looking far more distraught. "But like I said I am also going to be renegotiation of contacts who are willing to stay for more fair and even terms, a prime example of this is Angel here who is now my right-hand man going forwards."
Eyes immediately fell on the spider.
"Ah ya got a new contract and everything." said Angel as he summoned up his contract for everyone to see. "Yup, says right here new right hand and if I don't like things I can vamoose." Angel now bragged as he flashed his shinny new contract to the wide-eyed crowd that a contact's terms could be so freeing.
"As I said" began Naruto as he interrupted the showcase, drawing eyes back to him. "I am going to be renegotiating contracts and freeing those who wish to leave, if you all would begin to form a line we can begin." said Naruto as he summoned up a table and a chair and walk towards them. Only to stop as almost immediately a fight break out.
'This is going to be a long first day in hell.'' groaned Naruto as he began to break up the fights of eager sinners.
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Whelp this the prolog of this little idea I've had if only for an excuse to write some Hazbin and Boss lemons, I also have a more serious idea cooking up in this brain of mine feel free to leave a review or if you want to help me with Fics here or some of my exclusive AO3 fic any help at all helps me pump out fics contact me with a pm or a review any and all help keeps me writing rather than going off to do something else.
He was the Greatest of the Kages but he now in hell, will he also be the Flyest Pimp, Hell has ever seen. Well, just ask his Ladies. Total gag fic with a fruit tree Takes over Val's spot in the VVVs and gets with all the girls and a few Rules 63s