Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling.
And Nart Sagas belong to humanity.
About formatting:
For direct quotes I use italicized font.
Son of Hogwarts or Soslan Loophole
The impossible has happened.
The owner of The Elder Wand, Gellert Grindelwald, has lost a duel.
The new master of the wand, Albus Dumbledore, was looking down at his defeated enemy.
He was not smiling, his face was hard and troubled.
- Albus, how is it possible?
- For the sake of our… for want of a better word, friendship, tell me.
Dumbledore sighed and cleared his throat,
- Remember, we discovered the authentic text of the tale of Deathly Hallows?
- And the first Hallow, the Elder Wand was described as the one to "always prevail in a duel against anyone gestated in the womb".
"Yes," remarked Grindelwald, "And you explained to me that such wording would close Macduff loophole.
AN: Remember, in "Macbeth" three witches prophesized "none of woman born shall harm Macbeth", but Macduff, delivered by C-section, was able to defeat him.
"Right," said Dumbledore,
- And we could not see any other loophole.
- So, we agreed that an owner of the Elder Wand could be defeated only by sneak and treacherous attack.
- But later, on my twenty first birthday I've received a posthumous letter from my mother, describing the true circumstances of my birth.
- Then I realized that there is also… let's call it "Soslan loophole"…
===o===o===o===o===o===
AN: Kendra Dumbledore's maiden name is never mentioned in canon. I've decided to make her maiden name an anagram of her first name.
Many years ago, in Hogwarts Prefects' Bathroom…
At one side of the swimming pool, the Head Boy, Percival Dumbledore, was getting ready to take a bath; he was taking off his clothing quietly, not bothering anybody…
His girlfriend, Kendra Dranke (who was the Head Girl), came to the other side of the pool.
After quick look at Percival, she began to undress herself; she did it quietly, singing softly, not bothering anybody…
Percival heard her song and, naturally, looked at her.
- Kendra, what are you doing?!
"What? Oh, nothing," the girl answered innocently, "Just taking a bath."
- Kendra! (at this point the last piece of girl's clothing fell to the floor)
- Kendra, IT is coming!
"And why should I care?" Kendra replied, turning slightly back and forth.
- Kendra, I cannot hold it anymore!
"That's your problem," she said with a mysterious smile.
- Arrgh!
The boy, torn between arousal and embarrassment, turned away and leaned against the stone gargoyle, standing nearby.
And his sperm fell on the gargoyle.
Gargoyle was, of course, part of Hogwarts.
So, the magic of Hogwarts reacted to the magic of young wizard.
And nine months later the newborn boy was given to the recently married couple – Kendra and Percival.
Kendra's letter was ending with the following words:
- I am not ashamed and neither should be you.
- You are the son of Hogwarts; may her power and wisdom be with you.
===o===o===o===o===o===
"Out of sheer curiosity," Grindelwald asked, "What does the name 'Soslan' have to do with this?"
Dumbledore explained,
- The name "Soslan" means "son of rock".
- He is a hero from the "Narts" mythology cycle of the peoples of the Caucasus; his birth occurred under similar circumstances…
THE END
In one extreme version Soslan was conceived when a young shepherd shot his sperm across the river towards a girl… but missed and hit a rock instead.
Dear reader, don't hold it; if you want to write a review – do it.