Tonight we're on the run
While we chase the morning sun
Until our paradise is shown
So we could live forever young

It was the first time I had ever been to Edward's house, and my first impression was that my microscopic little cabin was completely inadequate. His home sat in a large meadow, ringed by cedar trees so large they were prehistoric. They cast long shadows that rippled in the breeze, their reach stretching all the way to the wide front porch.

The house itself was massive - mansion, my brain said - with tastefully faded ivory siding. All of the windows and doors were perfectly restored originals, all three stories of them.

I had stopped to gape at it, marveling. Edward noticed, and paused a few steps in front of me. He shook his head as if he were embarrassed.

"Esme loves to renovate; this was our house when we lived here previously. Would you believe me if I told you it was a little bit vampire, too?"

He smirked, raising an eyebrow, which made me let out a peal of laughter. "That doesn't make any sense. But I'm curious what you mean by that."

He chuckled, clearly amused by his own joke. "We had to leave the area for quite awhile. When we could finally come back after all that time.. Esme couldn't bring herself to change anything about it. It's exactly the same as it was 100 years ago, just like us."

I smiled at that, rolling my eyes. "Well now I'm dying to see what the inside looks like."

Edward shot me a flat look, not enjoying my immortal humor, before gesturing me forward. "Tasteful, Elle. Come on."

I didn't think it was possible but the inside of the house was even more grand than the exterior. The walls, the ceiling beneath the exposed wooden beams, the hardwood floors, even the plush carpets were a collection of complimentary whites. A sweeping staircase was the showcase of the western side of the living room, which was one giant open space. The southern wall reflected the scene back at me like a mirror and I realized it was all glass. It was beautiful.

The only thing missing from the stage was the players. I tried to stop gawking at the grandiosity of the single room and tried to see if I could hear his family.

The sound of a makeup jars, then hangers shuffling in a closet: probably Rosalie. She seemed the vain type.

Pages of a book turning, then a pen scratching; Carlisle was my best guess, but it could be anyone.

Metallic wrenching sounds that seemed to come from the eastern side of the house seemed like an Emmett-type activity.

I didn't have time to catalogue the rest - Edward had slipped his fingers through mine and was tugging me toward the majestic staircase. My instinctual breathing hitched ever so slightly, and he smiled.

He spoke as we ascended, although I was still looking fervently at every nook and cranny. "Come, Carlisle's study is this way."

The door was innocuous among a hallway of many, but the room concealed behind was anything but. It had dark wood paneling that was occluded almost in its entirety by towering bookshelves; one lone wall was exempt, filled instead with pictures in frames of every shape and size.

Carlisle himself sat behind a gorgeous mahogany desk, a massive book opened on his left elbow, writing in a notepad. He looked up as we entered, a gentle smile warming his features.

"Elle. This is certainly a welcome surprise. What can we do for you?"

I balked, glancing at Edward. Everything had sounded a lot less crazy when it was just him I was talking to...

He squeezed my fingers, then spoke for me. "Elle has a.. unique problem. Her human memories are completely obscured, and she cannot remember anything. Recently she was able to recall one thing, though: her transformation. There were some peculiarities, however, and we hoping you'd have some insights."

Carlisle nodded, closing his book. He looked deeply interested, if not slightly solemn. "I would be delighted to try and assist, but I do not want to inflate your hope: I've never even heard of such a thing before. I can only offer my best guesses."

I bobbed my head silently in acquiescence, although the hope from before was still in full flower. This was my best shot, I was certain of it. I took a steadying breath, then told Carlisle what I had showed Edward.

At the end of my tale, Carlisle looked considerably brighter. It certainly gave the air that he had at least one probable theory.

"Ahh... I think this is rather self-explanatory. Have you heard of PTSD before, Elle?"

My eyes widened, surprise coursing through me. It seemed incredible that I'd been so close to such a simple explanation without ever having considered it. Was I not a doctor myself?

"Yes," I said, still shocked, "We went over mental health and disorders when I was getting my doctorate."

Fascination flickered across Carlisle's features, which transitioned into admiration. "Edward, you didn't tell me she was so well educated!" He turned to give me an apologetic smile. "I mean no offense. I only meant that-"

I interrupted him without thinking, amused. "Vampires don't usually partake in higher education, yes. Edward said something similar." I gave the vampire in question a sly grin.

Carlisle continued, "Then I don't need to explain it to you, my dear. I should think the answer is quite simple. Although I do wonder.."

He trailed off, stroking a finger across his jaw in contemplation. His eyes were examining his desk as though it were a particularly difficult conundrum, making me antsy for his hypothesis.

Edward coughed, then cleared his thought with slightly more volume. Suddenly Carlisle looked up at me, as if started by my presence.

"I'm sorry, Elle. I sometimes forget to speak aloud when Edward and I are together." He smiled gently. "I wondered if there's more to your story. Not to say you are withholding anything intentionally."

He seemed to be remembering the first, and last, time we had met. I frowned slightly, trying not to be intensely mortified of the shrieking harpy he was surely recalling.

"Your transformation was an undeniably unpleasant affair, particularly with how long it took. I've never seen or heard of such a thing, and I was born in the 1600s." He didn't miss my look of momentary alarm at his age but he continued without acknowledging it, for which I was grateful.

"I'm quite certain that such an ordeal would be highly traumatizing. I was curious, though, if there were a preceding event that would have.." He pondered over his word choice for a moment. "Impaired your mind in the first place. Any sort of triggering event - loss or death, violence, abuse - would have put any human mind in an extremely delicate state in which would have been sealed when the venom entered your bloodstream."

The only thing I could do was stare at Carlisle, turning over what he said in my head. I had loved someone, but I had never actually considered that maybe I had lost them. Or perhaps they had been violent with me?

I weighed how much to say. I had forgiven Edward, but I still remembered the damning conversation with exceptional clarity, and I was not eager for a repeat. But my negligence in being forthcoming had also brought us to that point, and I detested making the same mistake twice.

So far honesty has been well received, so I was this time. "I remember.. more of a feeling than anything concrete, but I did care very deeply for someone as a human. Are you saying that if that person had died or.." I swallowed, the thought painful, "Or hurt me, it would have affected my memory that much?"

Carlisle regarded me for a moment before he answered, "I think it's extremely possible. But as I warned before, this is pure speculation. You know your heart and mind best, even the parts that are hidden. I do think it is a valid consideration though, if that is worth anything to you."

We bid Carlisle good evening after that. Edward had volunteered to give me a tour of his home, and I suspected he was trying to give me time to thoroughly digest this dearth of new information. I felt it was kinder to lie this time, not wanting to tell him I was trying to do everything in my power not to think of just how terribly this person, one I had loved so deeply, may have hurt me.

A/N: This chapter had to be reposted due to formatting issues. Sorry for the duplicate notification.

You, dear readers, are so extremely astute and I honestly think this story would be a lot more convoluted without you.

To BrightAnarchy, you are so keenly correct it hurts my soul. How did I overlook that!? This has been retconned for reasons I will explain in more detail below, but I also was thinking of the canon version of Alice seeing Bella as a vampire (Midnight Sun ch. 4) - brown hair (implied), red eyes - and how different that would've been still from Elle (black hair, topaz eyes). BUT the way I envision all of this going definitely does not work as I had written it originally, so thank you so much for bringing that to my attention.

To MsLiss & 2muchtrouble, I struggled with this too but probably for very different reasons. See, I wanted Elle's presence to Edward to kind of be like if someone you were very close with died recently, but then you think you ran into them at the grocery store. I wanted her to look extremely similar to but not quite like Bella, just different enough to make you second-guess - even in Breaking Dawn, Bella remarks how little she looks like herself after she becomes a vampire: "My second reaction was horror. Who was she? At first glance, I couldn't my find my face anywhere in the smooth, perfect planes of her features." and then later in the same chapter, "I stared at the beautiful woman with the terrifying eyes, looking for pieces of me [...] Finding this familiar little flaw made me feel a tiny bit better. Maybe the rest of me was in there, too."

Essentially, Edward does initially believe it is Bella (ch. 6: Edward thinks it's Bella in the cafeteria, ch. 10: Edward says that Elle reminds him of Bella and that they look very similar), but since Elle doesn't know she's Bella, she's confident when she says they aren't the same and she does look just different enough. As for the smell, all of what Edward remembered her smelling like was human - namely her blood, but also products she used like shampoo, body wash, perfume, detergent etc - and I felt that those things would have changed pretty significantly when someone becomes a vampire, especially over 100 years.

I'm wondering now if that was too big of a shark to jump, but it certainly made sense at the time of writing. Hopefully this explained some of my thought process and makes going forward a little easier - I get the sense you're all desperate for a resolution, haha. I had originally wrapped this story up in chapter 7 but it felt way too rushed, so I'm just trying to let Elle find her own way naturally this time around.

Finally, I'm sorry for the shorter chapter (and aggressively long A/N). I'm worried I'm trying to add a little too much to the chapters and it's getting too cluttered, so I'm trying to find a good middle ground.