Penelope decided to take her walk after all. After a quiet—and rather dull—walk in the park with her maid, who seemed too nervous to engage in even the most trifling of conversations, Penelope returned to Bridgerton House. Really, she did not understand what was so exciting about London or why everyone raved about it so. The air felt uncomfortably thick and hazy, and it smelled of the manure that filled the streets. Everywhere she looked—everywhere besides Grosvenor Square, where she resided with the Bridgertons—she saw poverty and deprivation, and no one paying a whit of attention to the needs of those who suffered.

So far she was thoroughly unimpressed.

As she returned to her bedchamber, untying the bonnet strings from her chin, Penelope heard her name spoken from within Kate's bedchamber. She paused by the door for a moment, wondering if maybe Kate had called out to her, but when she recognized the hushed voice of Anthony, she knew she was the subject of a conversation she was not meant to hear.

To keep moving would have been the proper decision. Eavesdropping was not exactly a habit of an upstanding member of Society. And yet—they were talking about her. Her feet remained glued to the hall runner rug just outside Kate's door.

"...you've spoken with him about her?" asked Kate. Spoken with whom about what? Propriety be hanged. Penelope pressed her ear to the wooden door.

"I did," said Anthony.

"And what did he say?"

Who was this he? If Penelope pressed her ear any harder into that door she was going to fall through it.

"Oh, you know Colin..." Colin! Penelope pressed her hand to her mouth to keep from audibly gasping. She, without a doubt, heard her name mentioned a moment ago. Did that mean that Anthony had asked Colin about her? "He is not one to be tied down. I think even the question made the boy feel faint."

What question?

"Really?" Kate sounded a little sad. There was a pause before she spoke again, sounding more energetic than before. "Perhaps you misunderstood him. Tell me your conversation, word for word." Bless her. Penelope wanted to fling open the door and hug the woman for requiring such clarity.

"I asked, 'Do you love Penelope?' To which he responded, 'No.' I hardly think there is room to misconstrue his words." Penelope's heart dropped. There was her answer: Colin did not love her. Hearing the words out loud hurt more than she had thought possible.

"Did he say why he did not love her? Did he give a reason?" asked Kate.

Anthony gave a short laugh. "May I know why you are so inquisitive about this topic, my love? Is there something I should know?"

Penelope held her breath, wondering if this was the moment Kate would disregard her promise and break confidence.

Kate chuckled, sounding completely at ease, the exact opposite of how Penelope felt. "Nothing to tell. I suppose I'm just a little disappointed by this news. I will admit that I have been hoping Colin and Penelope would make a match of it."

Penelope heard Anthony release a strong breath. She could practically picture the viscount running his hands through his dark hair, as he did when he was overwhelmed. "I have been hoping for the very same thing." This was news to Penelope. "Colin has always taken excellent care of the Featherington girl. I know she would be safe with him."

Oh.

Of course that would be the reason Anthony wanted Penelope and Colin to marry. Not because she had anything to offer, but so that Colin could be a guardian for her for the rest of her life. He and Prudence must be in cahoots.

The weight of her feelings pressed hard on her heart, forcing her to acknowledge them—something she was not even sure how to do. She pushed away from the door and quickly walked back to her room. Only after she was safely inside, with the door shut, did she allow a tear to fall down her cheek. She pressed her back to the door and shut her eyes against the emotions swirling within.

Colin doesn't love me.

Well. At least now she knew for sure. There would be no more wondering. Easier to move on this way. She swatted away a tear and peered around her room without really seeing it. Her mind constantly switched tracks, between unwanted emotion and options for her future. Firm in her belief that feelings were nothing but thorns in the flesh sent to remind a fallen humanity of their sin, Penelope pulled herself together and pushed away from the wall. She decided to put everything she had into carving out her future—without Colin.

Penelope felt a new resolve. She would put Colin out of her heart. She would find someone else to love her. And she absolutely would not end the Season a pitiful woman pining over a man who didn't love her.

Penelope moved across her room and threw open the doors to her armoire so aggressively that her hair blew away from her face. If only Felicity were there to see her—she would have been so proud. Penelope reached inside and removed the turquoise gown. She took in a deep breath and held it as she firmed her resolve that, tonight, she would finally wear the gown that made her feel like a trifling bit of shrubbery.

Colin stood outside of Bridgerton House for the second time that day. This time, however, was different because he knew Penelope was somewhere on the other side of that green door with the golden knocker. And he knew her beauty would take his breath and he would have to, once again, smother his inconvenient feelings for her.

He cleared his throat, feeling both his nerves and his cravat strain at the effort. He was being ridiculous. What did he have to be nervous about? This was Penelope—his Penelope. His dearest friend, his most beloved confidant.

But—no, not his Penelope. Yes, she was still the same Penelope with whom he had spend countless hours, the same Penelope in whose boots he had once put worms, the same Penelope with whom he had cheated at hide-and-seek. But there, once again, was the problem: Penelope may have been the same girl, but she did not look like her anymore.

Colin needed to find a way to the more simple feelings he had had for her when they were children. Perhaps if he forced himself to picture her with bows tied at the ends of her braids, like she had as girl, it would help him to put these feelings behind him and he could finally move on.

Something inside of him whispered that he had not felt normal around Penelope for nearly three years now, but he firmly—and finally—ignored it.

︵‿︵‿୨୧‿︵‿︵

Colin felt the tension in his shoulders ease the moment he had stepped through the doors of Aubrey Hall. It was now summertime, mid-August to be exact, which meant that it was the time of year that his family escaped the hustle and bustle of London Town to return to their country seat in Kent. He had missed his rooms that overlooked the view of the manicured trees in the shapes of exotic animals and the fountain full of cherubs. He missed spending time riding out in the fields with Anthony and Benedict, playing whist on rainy days in the study with Hyacinth and Gregory, reading a new book recommendation from Eloise, accompanying Francesca on the pianoforte as vocalist to whatever piece she was performing, sneaking down to the kitchens for a late night snack with Daphne... And he had missed Penelope.

She, especially, was like one of his little sisters. She was full of fun and pluck, and just the right amount of obnoxiousness to keep things interesting. Sometimes Anthony and Benedict found her to be a pest, always following them around the grounds with Eloise and inserting themselves into the boys' activities. Colin, however, never felt that way. He didn't mind spending his days with Little Pen. She had been darling, with her bouncing red-gold curls and endless zeal for life.

After greeting his family in the drawing room, he made his way up the wide staircase, feeling his burdens melt away with every step. It had been that way since he was a young buck. His mother and father had always fostered an environment of love and peacefulness in their home—and that feeling had lasted long after his father's untimely death.

Colin reached out and traced a path with his fingers over the wood molding lining the walls of the corridor that led to his room. So much time had been spent here that he could find his way around with his eyes closed. It felt quieter, though, without his brothers around. Normally, they would have so much pent up energy from a long journey, that they would spend most of their walk to their rooms wrestling down the halls.

And, usually, Eloise and Penelope would have been waiting for them by the front door. Where were they?

Colin stopped in front of his door and smiled. It was good to be home.

He opened the door and walked into his room. The light was low and it cast a golden glow across the—

"Boo!"

Colin started and whipped around, heart racing, breath short. Penelope emerged from behind his door and, judging by her doubled over laughter, she was enjoy his reaction.

"You wretched girl!" he said, chuckling and putting his hands on his chest to still his heart. He should have known better than to trust her absence at his arrival. "How long have you been—?" but his words fell flat when his eyes finally focused on Penelope's face for the first time.

She was still laughing but had emerged from the shadows and stepped fully into the golden light he had been admiring only a moment ago. His breath left him. Along with all of his words. He blinked, unsure that he was even looking at the same girl from summers past.

He wasn't. Blast. Penelope Feathering was not a little girl anymore.

"Colin? What is it?" she wondered, her amusement starting to fade away as she registered the shock on his face. "What is wrong? Is there something on my face?" She started brushing at her cheek.

What happened to the girl he had left behind the previous summer? Penelope had grown taller—albeit still on the shorter side as she now only reached Colin's shoulders—and fuller. She had filled out in places that had most definitely not been filled out when he last left her. The way she looked now made him breathless and evoked feelings in him that the girl from last summer had never stirred.

It was not good.

"Colin, you're scaring me! Do I have a spider crawling on me somewhere?" But he couldn't tell her what was running through his mind. Thankfully, she had already provided him an excused.

He smiled and stepped toward her. Blast, blast, blast. She even smelled incredible—strawberries and cream. "You...have a bit of an ink smudge. Here, I'll get it." Colin wasn't sure if telling that lie made his predicament better or worse. Because, now, he was running his thumb along her soft cheek and noticing how her lashes were dark against her light-blue eyes. And her peachy lips were full and entirely too kissable. Which was ridiculous because they were not actually kissable. Meaning, absolutely under no circumstances, could he kiss Penelope Featherington. Running his thumb across them was also unacceptable.

Colin suddenly realized his hand was still resting against her face and she was peering up at him as if he had lost his mind. Maybe he had...

Air and space. Those were two very important things he needed a that moment. Colin took one large step away from Penelope and cleared his throat. How old was she? He had never really cared to know before because she had always just been Little Pen to him. Now, it felt like a very important question. He quickly added up the years in his mind and realized she was now seventeen-years-old. It made being alone with her, in his bedchamber, highly inappropriate.

"Are you feeling alright?" asked Penelope, taking a step toward him. That single step did things to his heart.

"Never better." He looked in her twinkling eyes and wished had not. She was stunning and smelled fantastic. Had she usually smelled so delectable? He was mesmerized by her. Bewitched, even. "Actually, no," he rushed to say when his thoughts turned again to kissing her. "I think I may be coming down with something. Feels like influenza. You should leave straight away so you don't catch anything." He began to push her from the room. Another monumental mistake. He didn't have his gloves on and she felt so warm beneath his touch. No, no, no. What was happening to him?

Penelope spun around to face him once across the threshold of his door. "Shall I have Lady Violet call for a doctor?" Her big blue eyes blinked up at him. His left felt unaccountably weak.

"No. Definitely not." The doctor wouldn't find a fever—but he may diagnose an infatuated fool. "A good night's sleep will set me to rights."

She stepped a little closer, setting her sweet strawberry scent on the air again. Everything about Penelope was intoxicating him. And when she smiled, Colin was a goner. "I'm so glad you're back. I've missed you."

He would never forget the way Penelope looked while saying those words to him. He could feel all of it—every little detail—etch itself into his soul.

"I missed you too, Pen."

︵‿︵‿୨୧‿︵‿︵

Feeling rather good about his plan to picture Penelope in bows and braids, he ran his hand over his own hair, making sure everything was in place, and straightened the lapels of his most well-fitting coat. He wore it because everyone else seemed to enjoy the sight of him in it—well, certainly not all because he hoped Penelope would find him irresistible in the deep-green tailored jacket.

Colin knocked on the door and smiled cheekily when the disapproving Humboldt answered.

"Humboldt," said Colin, stepping inside Bridgerton House. "Always a pleasure." It was never a pleasure.

Colin could have sworn he heard Humboldt grunt, but he couldn't entirely be sure. "Just so, sir. I have been instructed to ask you to remain waiting for the viscount and viscountess in the foyer. They will be down momentarily." The footman eyed Colin closely, as if expecting him to dart from the room and run up the stairs again. Humboldt's reprimanding look rather tempted Colin to do just that. Were all staff in Bridgerton House this supercilious? Colin didn't think so.

"No need to fix me with that glare, Humboldt. I am here as Miss Featherington's escort tonight, so I shall be on my best behavior." Another grunt. Colin suppose he deserved it. It had been his unofficial mission in life to get under the footman's skin. It was just a little too much fun to watch him scowl.

"Miss Penelope will be down momentarily." Somehow those words, coupled with the menacing look the footman was giving him, only intensified Colin's buzzing nerves.

He fumbled with the folds of his cravat as an excuse for something to do while he waited. Bows and braids. He just needed to fix that mental image in his mind and this whole Season would go by in a flash, friendship not just intact but unscathed.

Movement caught his eye at the top of the staircase and, when he peered up, his heart all but stopped. All thoughts of bows and braids fled his mind at the image of the ethereal beauty gliding down the stairs. Penelope wore a silk gown in an indescribable color, some mix of green and blue. All he knew that whatever color it was, it made her eyes stand out like a beacon in the night. They called to him as if he had been lost at sea and was finally seeing the promise of land.

Colin's heart beat an unnaturally fast as Penelope drew closer, and finally noted just how perfectly her gown molded to the contours of her body... His throat had suddenly become Sahara dry. This felt far too much like that day, years ago, when Penelope had changed in his mind forever. Just like that day, he had a feeling this would be a memory he would never forget. He formed a smile and hoped it didn't look as if he was harboring an undying love for this woman.

He had spent every London Season for the past three years trying to overcome his desire for Penelope. She had awoken his heart that summer at Aubrey Hall. Any other woman had paled in comparison to Penelope after that; he ached to think she would never be his.

"Well?" she asked with a searching smile as her silver slippered foot reached the ground floor. "Will I do?" There was some new tentativeness—an insecurity he had never seen before lingering in Penelope's eyes. Which was absurd because the young woman looked like some sort of otherworldly faerie from lore—to look at her would grant eternal youth, or riches, or...

"Colin?" she asked again. Her brows pinched together nervously when he didn't respond the first time.

"Hmm? Oh—" He lout out a short laugh and readjusted his stance. "Pen, you look..." but what could he say? His instinct was to tell this woman how absurdly beautiful she looked and spill all of his feelings at her feet. But that would be dramatic, not to mention impulsive, which was what he had promised himself he would not be with her. With Penelope, he was Colin—not the flirtatious Charming. "You look well."

Her brows pulled deeper together, and she seemed even more unsure of herself. "I look well?"

He nodded, feeling like the ground between them was shifting back into something uncertain. He could feel another pillar falling. What he needed to do was find some way to put them back on firm, friendly footing.

Bows and braids. Bows and braids.

Blast. That still wasn't working. Her soft, golden-red curls were styled beautifully to frame her face with one side pinned back using a jeweled hair ornament the same color of her dress.

Colin simply could not stop staring at her. Wonderful. He needed to get ahold of himself. He'd been resisting this woman for three years. He could certainly resist telling her how he felt for one more night.

He cleared his throat and forced his eyes up the stairs where he hoped his brother and sister-in-law would emerge momentarily. "Do you suppose the love birds will be much longer?"

He saw Penelope shrug out of the corner of his eye—only the corner because he didn't quite trust himself yet to look at her fully again. "I am not sure. I will be surprised if they even manage to emerge from their blissful bubble to join us tonight."

Colin whipped his head to look at Penelope. "You think they might not come with us? Why ever not?" He could hear the sharpness in his voice, and saw evidence of it registered on Penelope's face. He cleared his throat and forced himself to speak in a more normal tone. "I just think Lady Mansfield will be terribly disappointed to do without Lord and Lady Huxley as well as Lord and Lady Bridgerton."

Penelope took a step toward him, but he instinctively took a step back. Wonderful, Colin. He hadn't done that since he was twenty-two and she seventeen. Could he be more obvious? Colin felt like he needed to go run around the block just to relieve some of the...tension he felt building. Would he never grow used to Penelope's beauty? But it wasn't just her beauty—this woman was incredible to him in every way that counted.

"Are you alright, Colin? Is something wrong?" It was as if it was three years ago and they were back in his bedchamber all over again.

"Oh, no, I'm just fine," he said, reaching out to rest his hand on the wall behind him. Unfortunately, he completely missed the wall and nearly fell to the ground. He was able to right himself quickly with a springy little jump that made him look even more insane than he already had. He forced a smile. "I think I shall go tell the coachman that we'll be another minute."

Penelope's eyes were wide and her mouth was slightly open as he turned away from her and darted out the front door. Colin flew down the steps and paced at least ten circles before he felt he had gained enough composure to return back inside the house.

Never once had he denied himself the ability flirt with a woman whom he found attractive. Or to court her as soon as she had caught his eye. But he had never allowed himself the privilege of either of those things with Penelope, because he knew that if he courted her, he would never be able to let her go.

Anytime he remotely contemplated the idea, reality weighed his conscience down. Colin Bridgerton was known around the ton as a vapid flirt, and nothing more.

Colin clenched his fists at his sides and looked back up at the now ominous-looking front door. He would never risk putting Penelope in a precarious position where he could potentially break her heart. He would make sure she got the very best that life had to offer, which meant letting her go in the end.

A/N: Only three more days until Part 2! I'm beyond ready for it! :)