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Chapter 59
Mary watched Ezra stalk out the far door of the barn, Chris going after him. Buck and Vin had blown out the door past her moments before, neither one seeing her on their way past. Inez was in the center of the barn, just her and a forgotten horse still tied.
Mary entered, her boots, not well worn like Chris' or the other's, but comfortable and well made, making noise on the concrete floor of the barn and drawing Inez attention.
"They were here. Then Vin and Ezra…" Inez trailed off with a frown, but didn't elaborate. She motioned at the horse. "I think they forgot about the horse."
Mary gave the horse a stroke on its nose. She knew the men well enough to imagine what Inez had seen. "Of course they did. They'll remember him when their tempers cool." She untied the lead rope and led the horse to an empty stall. Inez was still standing alone in the aisle when she closed the stall door.
"They…Vin and Ezra. They actually fought. With fists." Inez' brow furrowed, lines forming between her brows. "Buck is so easy going. And Vin…He left not too long after I got here, but he seemed even keeled. Is this normal for them?" One hand went to her stomach and Inez rested a hand there. Mary recognized the protective gesture.
"No," Mary assured her firmly. She thought of the few brawls she had heard about on the rodeo circuit, occasionally with Buck at the center. And there was that bullrider who had pursued Kaylee. She was well aware he had withdrawn from the next rodeo he was entered in and JD had turned up with a battered face. She had her suspicions Chris and Ezra had somehow been involved in that, too. But that was different. "They don't turn on each other."
"Kaylee?" Inez questioned. "That's who they were fighting about? Ezra's wife…ex-wife?"
"His wife," Mary said, as much for her own sake as for Inez'. As far as she knew, Ezra hadn't divorced Kaylee. She hoped with everything in her it wouldn't come to that.
"I'm not looking for gossip," Inez said. "I just…"
"Need to know what you're getting your child into," Mary finished for her.
Inez' face relaxed slightly at Mary's understanding. "I know Buck. These past few months, they have been good." Her brow furrowed. "Surprisingly good. He's a good man. But I know him. Or at least I do now. The other men, I don't know as well. But they're…" she trailed off again and waved her hand lightly in the air, as if trying to summon up the words for her concerns. "They're not like friends he just sees on occasion."
"They're his family," Mary said.
"Yes," Inez said emphatically, her eyes lighting with intensity. "Which means they will be our child's family. Our child's very close family who all live right here. I mean, right here."
Mary smiled. "They do live near each other." She thought of Chris telling her when Kaylee had found out how near the men all lived to one another. Chris hadn't enjoyed his ranch being referred to as a commune, but he had commented on how much Kaylee seemed to want to be near everyone. How relieved he was that she wouldn't be off on her own anymore. Mary held back a sigh at the memory and focused her attention on Inez again.
"I need to know if they are like Buck," Inez said. "Because he trusts them, and I want to completely trust him. But so far I've seen Vin taking off after another man's wife, Ezra drinking to excess, and the two of them brawling today."
Mary's sigh escaped and she gathered her thoughts, trying to choose her words wisely. She knew these men. She would trust them with her life. She didn't know how to explain it to Inez. "They're an unconventional family in the best of times," she started. "And you're meeting them in the midst of a family crisis of sorts. But Kaylee is family, too. You're seeing what lengths Vin—all of them—will go to for family. And honestly, Ezra could use some sense knocked into him."
Inez lifted an eyebrow at that.
"But after Vin and Ezra get that out of their system, they'll be close again." Mary wasn't saying that for Inez' benefit. She truly believed it. She couldn't imagine them not being close. She couldn't imagine this odd, misshapen family of Chris'—her family—having a rift. And she knew Ezra and Vin. Neither man would hold a grudge. They would speak and fix the rift.
She could see Inez weighing her words.
"I'm happy you're giving Buck this chance," Mary said. "He's a charmer," Inez snorted at that understatement, "but there's a sensitive man under all his bravado. A good man," she repeated Inez' earlier summary.
"A very good man," Inez said, looking over Mary's shoulder pensively.
Mary turned and saw Buck outside the door. Buck stood near Vin, listening to what Vin said with a look of concern on his face. He put a hand on Vin's shoulder and spoke to him again.
Looking back at Inez, Mary thought there was a fairly good chance Inez had already fallen far too hard for Buck to let any of the foolishness of the other men drive her away.
#
Ezra took Chris' words to heart. He was going to check on Kaylee. At the very least, make sure she was ok. Because, based on what Vin had indicated, she was not.
His heart twisted with a sickening dread at the thought of finding Kaylee not doing well, whatever that meant or entailed.
He had avoided their room, other than coming home and sleeping in the bed they had shared. That was more than enough to torment him. But he had never gone back to the drawer he had opened that had set the truth of Kaylee's deception into motion. He packed his bag from his dresser, glancing over at the drawers she had used when she lived there.
He knew what was in the drawer. Middle drawer, on the left. A birth certificate with a name that wasn't the name he had known his wife by, a stack of bank receipts totaling how much she had stolen from his accounts, and a word of the day calendar.
She had tried to hide the calendar. To improve her vocabulary, measure up to him somehow. The stray memory came to him. That hadn't been part of the con. The blush on her cheeks when he had seen it. Trying to change to someone more like she thought he was…smart or educated or whatever it was she saw in him. There was no need to do that for the con. Appearing vulnerable, uneducated, unable to con him…that would have made sense.
He abruptly turned from the drawer, pushing the thoughts aside. He picked up his packed bag and headed for the door. He hesitated. He went back to the drawer, opened it. He ignored the receipts he had shoved back in there after Kaylee left.
After he had kicked her out.
He pulled the calendar from the drawer. Looked at the last word she had been working on.
Desolation: A state of complete emptiness or destruction. Anguished misery or loneliness.
Ezra let the words sink in. Fill the indefinable emptiness that had grown from the last day he saw Kaylee.
He set the calendar away on the top of the dresser and this time headed out the door.
He was just about to get into his truck when Vin showed up.
Vin parked his older, but not old enough to be a classic, truck and got out.
Ezra recognized the tightness curling through his own shoulders as shame more than anger. Vin had gone after Kaylee. He had gone to see that she was ok, when that should have been what Ezra did.
"Did you need to meet up in an unchaperoned venue to finish our altercation?" Ezra asked tersely, his own shame coming out as anger.
"If you mean, do I want to knock some sense into you, then yeah. Nothin' I want to do more," Vin said. But he didn't come at Ezra swinging. He approached Ezra, gaze unwavering. He stayed a distance away.
Ezra stood, held Vin's eyes levelly.
"But I ain't gonna," Vin finally said.
"You wouldn't be able to do much more than try anyway," Ezra said casually.
For a second, there was a flash of the humor that used to be between them in Vin's eyes. A quick twitch of his mouth. Some of the strain in the air eased. Just enough to allow for breathing.
"I came to make sure you were goin' to her." Vin said. His eyes dropped to the bag at Ezra's feet.
"I'm going to see what the situation is," Ezra said. He couldn't say he was going to Kaylee. Going to salvage things with her. He solely wanted to know what the truth was. He couldn't allow himself more than that. Not when even the slightest bit of hope, of remembering how things had been when he had Kaylee, would be the end of him if he found out he had been right and it was all nothing more than a con.
"The situation," Vin said, any of the truce evaporating with his hard tone. "You want to know what 'the situation' is, Ezra? She's—"
Whatever Vin was about to say, he clenched his jaw against the words. That silence concerned Ezra more than anything Vin had said about Kaylee barely staying upright.
Vin finally took a step towards Ezra. Ezra braced himself.
"Don't go if you're going to make things worse for her," Vin said, every word launched at Ezra with quiet anger. "You go and you take care of her."
Ezra didn't see how he could possibly make things any worse. He didn't answer.
"Just—just…" Vin searched for words. He heaved out a sound of frustration and some of the anger fell enough for Ezra to see the concern there. "Be gentle with her," Vin said.
Ezra didn't know what the expression of Vin's face meant. Something beside just concern. But then Vin was stepping back, anger the only emotion again. "Do what's right for once, Ezra."
Ezra bristled at the inference. But it was deserved. He knew it was deserved. And he hated that it was deserved when they were talking about Kaylee.
"Thank you for the warm send-off," Ezra said. He opened his truck door and pitched his bag in there.
Vin got in his own truck. Ezra could see his glare in his rearview mirror. He squared his jaw and focused on the driveway, toward Nebraska.
#
It had been a long day. Hearing Vin's voice on the phone had only made it longer.
Kaylee missed him. She had known she missed him, but hearing his voice, having someone answer when she called needing help, it made his absence hurt that much more.
It made Ezra's absence hurt more.
She stared at the towels on the floor in front of the closet. They had been moved there when the deputies had searched the trailer earlier in the day. They were still folded, set neatly on the floor. She was sure that wasn't how they normally searched a house. But she was too tired to feel gratitude for the consideration they had shown. It had still taken her most the day to clean up. A job that was made longer by her going to the door to double check the lock every time she heard a car pass on the highway.
She hadn't heard from Cletus. She didn't know if he knew the cops hadn't taken her and her mom in. He definitely wouldn't know yet that she had just tossed thousands of dollars of heroin into a ditch.
It would be added to what she already owed him. Plus whatever he decided to add on for the inconvenience and to teach her a lesson.
The sun was getting close to the horizon. Kaylee had kept the shades pulled all day. The house was getting dim.
Tammy shuffled past her, into the bathroom.
"Mom?" Kaylee asked. She shoved the towels onto the shelf and followed after her.
Tammy was fumbling with the door to the medicine cabinet.
"What are you getting, Mom?" she asked wearily.
Her mom finally got the door open. Kaylee got a glimpse of her own reflection in the cracked mirror as it swung open. She looked away from the gaunt face with dark circles and limp hair hanging loose.
Tammy rummaged past the tube of toothpaste, an old bottle of cough syrup. She knocked a package of q tips and they fell to the sink, scattering open, spilling loose.
She pulled out a prescription bottle. The police had left the bottle alone. It had Kaylee's name on it and they were looking for a brick of heroin, not pills. A prescription for pain meds Tammy had talked her into getting a year ago when Kaylee had a sprained ankle. But it wasn't hydrocodone in there now. It stored whatever Tammy bought from Cletus.
"Mom," Kaylee said, reaching for the bottle, but Tammy lurched out of reach.
"Just need something," Tammy mumbled.
"You've had enough for now," Kaylee said. She had seen Tammy take oxy from her purse as soon as the deputies left. Kaylee knew her mom washed them down with a shot of vodka and a beer. And hadn't stopped drinking the rest of the day. "I can hold onto those for you," she said. She reached for the bottle.
Tammy pulled away again. This time she twisted the cap off and dumped a few into her hand. She popped them in her mouth and handed the bottle to Kaylee.
She was too tired to heave the sigh that wanted release. Instead she took the bottle and put it back in the cabinet while her mom made her way unsteadily past her. It wouldn't do any good to flush them. Tammy would just bring more pills into the house. Pills that cost money.
Defeated, Kaylee closed the cabinet, avoiding her reflection.
#
"Ezra really went?" Chris asked
Buck nodded. "Saw his truck drive by before lunch. Vin even went and talked to him, made sure Ezra was really going."
Chris felt the same relief he imagined he would feel if he had a wayward kid who finally made the right choice. He glanced over at Vin, sitting at Chris' kitchen table. Vin had barely said a word since he arrived, keeping to himself. Whatever was going on with Vin, and Chris had a pretty good idea of what it was, he was just relieved Ezra was on his way to Kaylee and Vin was in a different state than her for now.
"You want to see my room, Buck?" Billy asked, darting around Inez and the serving bowl of salad she was carrying to the dining room.
"Your room?" Buck asked.
"Yeah! Chris said he'll make bunk beds for it and everything!" Billy was nearly bouncing in his enthusiasm. "When the bunk beds are done, will you sleep over with me?"
Chris couldn't hold back a smile at the boy's enthusiasm.
Without waiting for an answer, Billy turned to run toward his room, shouting over his shoulder for Buck to not come just yet. "I gotta make sure my army guys are set up before you see them!"
Chris went to the fridge to see if there was another beer. Between Ezra and Vin, he was going to need at least three tonight. Then he thought better of it. Billy and Mary would be here tonight. He grabbed a fancy bottled water Mary kept stocked in the fridge instead.
"His own room?" Buck asked.
Chris set aside his drink to take the tray of steaks Mary was lifting.
"Where else would he sleep?" Mary asked Buck with a laugh. She handed Inez a couple of bottles of dressing to set out with the salad. "Thanks, Inez."
"No, it's real nice he's gonna have his own space here," Buck said. "I just thought you and Chris had said something about no…sleepovers for you two. Since Billy's impressionable and all that."
Chris set the tray on the stovetop so he could pull the baked potatoes from the oven.
"We did," Mary said.
Chris could hear the confusion in her voice. He checked a potato to make sure they were baked through. He took a stack of napkins and handed them to Mary. "You want to set these out? I'll carry the food."
She didn't take the napkins from him. Just stared at him, then turned back to Buck. "Chris didn't tell you?" She looked at Chris again. "You didn't tell him?"
Chris hadn't realized he was going to have to spell it out. "Didn't realize they hadn't figured it out." It wasn't like he and Mary were hiding the rings on their fingers. They'd see her living in his house and put two and two together. A dramatic announcement seemed ridiculous.
Judging by the looks on Buck and Vin's faces, they hadn't put any pieces together.
It was a good thing theses men weren't any sort of lawmen. They had the observational skills of blind turkeys. Except for Ezra. At least, when Ezra was himself. Ordinarily Ezra would have at least picked up on a ring on someone's finger. But Chris knew his head hadn't been on straight since Kaylee left.
Vin seemed to shake himself loose from the shock first. "Congratulations, Mary," he said. If his small smile for her was forced, it wasn't lacking sincerity. He stood and Mary accepted his warm hug. "Chris is a lucky man."
There it was. That look on Vin's face that sent an alarm vibrating through Chris' blood. Jealousy. But it wasn't Chris and Mary Vin was jealous of.
Buck's whoop before he grabbed hold of Chris and hauled him clear off his feet took Chris' attention from Vin and Mary. Buck's bear hug nearly crushed his lungs and his feet left the floor. Before Chris could growl at him to put him down, Buck dropped him and turned to Mary.
Chris made a move to save Mary from his exuberant friend, but Buck's embrace for her was gentler, though he still lifted her from the ground and swung her around, nearly taking out a kitchen chair and Inez.
"Married!" Buck exclaimed. He set her down and shook his head, his grin bigger than his mustache. "When in the world were you planning on tellin' us?"
Chris went back to the tray of steaks. He saw Inez studying the group of them.
Buck's question didn't get an answer, but it didn't seem to bother him. He just grabbed the pan of potatoes and followed Chris to the dining room.
"Real happy for you, buddy," Buck said. Chris braced himself for another exuberant hug, eyeing the distance around Buck to the door. But Buck's face was serious. "You deserve everything you've found with Mary and Billy."
Chris recognized the weight behind the words. Buck had grieved right alongside Chris when Sarah and Adam had died.
"She's a good woman," Chris said, the gratitude nearly overwhelming him if he let it. He looked away from Buck.
Buck easily moved to lighter things. "So you and Mary just up and got hitched without so much as a word to anyone."
Chris didn't bother answering. Buck had clearly just found out the answer to that.
"Just like Ez and Kaylee," Buck said.
Chris paused in laying out the plates Mary had carried to the table earlier. What he and Mary had was steady and secure. Nothing like the tumultuous upheaval that had been the hallmark of Ezra and Kaylee's relationship from the day they met.
Buck grinned broadly. "Never realized you and Ezra were so alike. Good for you, taking a page from Ezra's book." Calling cheerfully to Mary, Buck went back toward the kitchen.
Uneasiness had Chris shifting his shoulders. He and Ezra were nothing alike. Telling himself that again, he put the last plate in place and went to rescue Mary from Buck's enthusiastic questioning.
#
Kaylee went to her closet. She pushed the hangers with her coat, a heavy sweater, and a couple sweatshirts aside. She hesitated, then felt for the duffel bag she had carried home with what she had brought from Colorado with her.
The cops had unzipped it earlier. She had done nothing more zip it back up and stow it back on the shelf. She hadn't opened it since she arrived.
She moved the zipper and pulled it open. Reached for the thick sweatshirt. It was soft against her chilled fingers. She lifted it to her face and inhaled.
Ezra.
It smelled like the fancy aftershave he used. Mixed with his sandalwood scented shaving cream. It smelled like Ezra.
Her fingers gripped the fabric tighter, like she could somehow pull Ezra closer to her. The way she used to curl up against him at night, breathing in that scent.
This sweatshirt had ended up in her bag when she had been hastily shoving things in to pack for leaving him. She had kept it in the bag, telling herself it was ok if she wanted to hold onto this little piece of Ezra. She'd make sure he got his truck back somehow, but he probably didn't miss the sweatshirt. It would be all she had left of him eventually.
A movement nudged her from within and she avoided looking down at her pregnant stomach. No, she'd have more than the sweatshirt from him. She shut her mind against those thoughts. She couldn't face that. Not today.
She pulled it on over her tshirt. Let herself pretend for a minute that it was actually Ezra embracing her, not just the oversized sweatshirt.
She quickly steeled herself against that thought before she started thinking of what had been. What she had lost. She needed to keep herself anchored in the present.
She slipped between the sheets, thick socks and sweatpants keeping her warm enough with the propane Vin had bought heating the small mobile home without adding more than one heavy blanket.
She closed her eyes, sandalwood hurting her heart even as it relaxed her muscles to smell the familiar scent.
A thud came from the living room, followed by a crash.
Kaylee's feet were on the floor before she even realized what she was doing. "Mom?" she called.
When she opened her bedroom door, the living room was dark.
There was another crash.
Kaylee fumbled for a light until she managed to turn on a lamp near the couch.
Tammy lurched across the floor unsteadily.
"Need somethin' to help me sleep," she slurred.
Kaylee moved toward her and caught her before she pitched headfirst toward the floor.
"You've had enough, Mom," she said, frustration taking away any gentleness from the words.
"Just gonna take…take…something…"
Kaylee tempered her words, too tired to be angry. "No you're not. Come on. I'll help you back to bed."
Tammy leaned heavily against Kaylee. Her feet dragged against the carpet. They made it almost to the couch when Tammy sagged heavily.
Kaylee tried to keep her upright, but her mom fell towards the floor heavily.
Kaylee dropped with Tammy, trying to keep her from hitting her head as she went down.
"Mom," Kaylee said.
Tammy was on the floor, head lolling to the side.
"Mom," she said, giving her shoulder a shake.
Tammy didn't respond.
Kaylee's heart clenched. No. Tammy needed to keep breathing. She put a shaking hand on Tammy's chest, feeling for the rise of her chest.
"Mom, wake up," Kaylee said, her voice sounding high and thin in her own ears.
Tammy didn't move. The pause between each breath grew, her chest still under Kaylee's trembling hand.
#
Ezra frowned.
He looked at his phone, the GPS app telling him he had arrived. He took in the sight of the trailer that looked like it was one stiff breeze from blowing over.
But there was the truck he had told Kaylee to take, parked in front of the small home.
Ezra pulled in behind that truck and got out.
The Nebraska wind was biting. He looked around. There was some sorry fencing sticking out of the snow and a three sided shelter in the midst.
None of this made sense. There was no way she had a champion barrel horse and had been keeping her in that sort of set up.
Whatever she had done with the money she had taken, it hadn't gone toward her living arrangements.
The unsettled feeling that had been dogging his steps ever since Vin told him he had no idea what Kaylee was dealing with grew.
He went up steps that had a light dusting of snow over them. One of them was newly repaired and he wondered if that was Vin's doing.
Guilt added to the uneasiness.
There was a light on in the house. Just a thin sliver of dim light coming from beneath the drawn shades. Ezra looked at his watch. It was just after 9 pm. Not that late.
He knew how to protect himself. To draw any emotion in and under an impenetrable layer. He did that now. Prepared himself for what a lifetime had taught him would be disappointment at best. Betrayal at worst.
He knocked on the door.
He thought he heard someone talking inside. He waited and no one came to the door. He knocked again, louder.
"Help!" Kaylee's voice. "I need help!"
Any thought of protecting himself dissipated, alarm rushing in to take over. Ezra tried the knob, but the door was locked. He rammed his shoulder against the door and it opened easily, the lock clearly more of an empty reassurance than actual security.
He scanned the small space. Half hidden behind a battered coffee table Kaylee was there.
The shock of seeing her distracted him. Her familiar face. At the same time he was reassured she was in one piece. She didn't need help. The woman on the floor did.
Ezra saw the shock at seeing him freeze her. If possibly, she got even paler.
"Ezra?" she breathed.
Ezra moved toward her, started to kneel next to the woman.
Kaylee stared at him.
"What happened?" Ezra asked, trying for a businesslike tone. There wasn't room for him to think about Kaylee right now. To feel the surge of emotion seeing her brought like a wave crashing in his chest. He saw Kaylee's hands shaking. He wanted to hold them, but forced himself to pay attention to the woman on the floor.
"She's—she took—there was oxy. She probably took fentanyl after that," Kaylee stammered out. She finally looked away from Ezra, back at the woman. "Narcan," she said suddenly, the shock and panic giving way to action. She looked at Ezra. "There's Narcan in the bathroom. The medicine cabinet."
Ezra stood, he went toward the open door that looked like it would likely be a bathroom. He swung open the cracked mirror door and found the drug that would get the woman breathing again. Grabbing the drug, he hurried it to Kaylee.
"Here, Mom," Kaylee said, taking it from Ezra. "You're going to be ok. You're going to be ok." She repeated the words and they sounded like a mantra to Ezra. The sleeves of her too big sweatshirt nearly covered her hands, but she put the vial to the woman's nose and squeezed the lid down.
He kept an eye on both Kaylee and her mom, while he pulled his phone from his pocket and dialed 911.
Kaylee squeezed the vial again.
The woman's eyes started to flutter and she let out a small snort, her chest rising. Unfocused eyes opened. Kaylee let out a small sob and gathered the woman's hands into hers leaning her face in close to her mother's.
"It's ok, Mom. You're ok. You're going to be fine."
Ezra stepped away from them to speak quietly into the phone. He stayed on the line. He watched Kaylee leaning over her mom, encouraging her to stay still. He answered questions when prompted by the dispatcher and let her know when he heard the sirens outside.
He let the EMTs into the house, looking for a light switch. Kaylee's mom let out a curse at the bright lights. Another curse when she saw the EMTs.
"Hey Tammy," one of the EMTs said. "What did she take?" he asked Kaylee.
"For sure oxy. She's been drinking all day." Kaylee moved away to let the EMT get closer, but she stayed kneeling next to her mom. "Fentanyl probably. We gave her Narcan."
"Good job," he said to Kaylee, starting to place electrodes to hook Tammy up to a heart monitor.
"You want to ride with us this time?" the other EMT asked.
Kaylee opened her mouth, distress across her features. She looked across the room at Ezra, looking helpless. Lost.
"I can give you a ride," he offered.
Her shoulders sagged and she nodded.
She stayed, kneeling out of the way while they got Tammy onto their stretcher, Tammy mumbling at them the entire time. Ezra held the door for them, then tried to close the broken door behind them.
The house was silent, only the sound of the ambulance pulling out of the driving drifting toward them.
Kaylee stared at him. He looked at her, her frame dwarfed by what he recognized as one of his sweatshirts. For the first time he realized how pale she was. How tired she looked. The dark circles under her eyes.
"Ezra," she finally said. Again. Like she couldn't believe it.
Of course she wouldn't believe he was here. He hadn't given her any reason to believe he would have come for her.
Her lips parted slightly. Then closed against whatever she may have been about to say.
"Do you want me to take you to the hospital?" Ezra asked.
She shook her head slightly, like she was shaking herself back to what was going on. "Yeah," she said. She looked around. "I just…I should get my…my keys. My phone." She stood, looking around like she couldn't remember where she had put them.
It was a sucker punch. Unexpected and blind-siding him. Ezra stared. His chest hollowed out. He felt something against his palm and realized he had reached out to the wall to support knees that were suddenly weak.
Was this…?
She—
"Who?" That was what finally came out. A choked sound.
Kaylee looked back at him, her eyes distant, like she was mentally still with her mom. Then followed his eyes to her stomach. Understanding dawned across her face with worry creasing lines around her mouth. She bit her lip.
Kaylee's green eyes filled with so much pain, Ezra would have done anything to take back the question.
"It's yours," she said hoarsely. "I haven't…there was only you."
His. It was…his. His child she was carrying. She was pregnant.
With his child.
His thoughts spun unevenly in a sickening loop.
She was watching him, her face growing even paler in the light.
He fought for something other than horror on his own face. Horror at what he had done. Sending Kaylee away pregnant.
He drew a slow breath. Found his poker face. Tried to steady his poker face.
"We should get going," he said neutrally.
The way her face fell, he knew he hadn't made the right move. But she only nodded and looked around her again. She looked lost. But she found her phone, her keys. She shrugged on a coat. Moving forward without looking at him.
She got into the truck without his help. He supposed she had been doing everything without his help, so he shouldn't be surprised.
The ride to the hospital was silent, other than Kaylee's quiet directions of where to turn.
Inside Ezra's head was another story. His thoughts raced. A jumble of guilt, regret, and fear.
"It's a couple miles and then you'll see the hospital," Kaylee said.
Ezra nodded to indicate he heard. He didn't trust his voice.
The hospital was small. Two towns over from the town Kaylee's home was outside. Ezra debated pulling up to the door so she wouldn't have to walk as far. But then she'd have to go inside on her own while he parked. He didn't want to send her in to face whatever was happening with her mother on her own.
He opted for parking as near as he could.
Kaylee was already out of the truck without waiting for his assistance. Her eyes fixed on the harsh fluorescent light coming from the Emergency Room doors.
Ezra stayed near her side as she went inside. She didn't hesitate. The hospital seemed familiar to her.
She went to the desk and gave her mother's name to the woman at the desk.
"I'll check with her nurse, hon," the woman said. "You go ahead and have a seat."
Kaylee nodded without arguing and went to a chair near the desk. Ezra hesitated, then took the chair next to her. He looked at her. She looked frail. She had lost weight. But clearly not everywhere.
Her protruding stomach, obvious enough when she stood, was mostly hidden beneath her winter coat and sweatshirt when she sat.
He wanted to ask her. He didn't know what he wanted to ask. But he wanted information. When she had found out. Had she known when she left? When he made her leave, he mentally corrected himself.
But he held his silence. Gave her space to deal with what was happening with her mom. Kept his tortured questions to himself.
Kaylee's fingers twisted together. Worked themselves into a tangle, then twisted together again. She kept her eyes down, fingers moving in nervous twists.
She jumped when a nurse approached them. Ezra refrained from reaching out a hand to reassure her. He had lost that privilege months ago.
"Are you here with Tammy?" she asked.
Kaylee nodded, already starting to stand.
"You can come on back," she said.
Ezra followed. He wasn't sure if Kaylee wanted him there, but he couldn't bring himself to leave her to face things on her own. Not anymore. Not unless she told him to leave.
The small ER had private rooms. The nurse led her to one.
"The doctor will be back in shortly," she said, opening the door for them to enter.
Kaylee nodded again. She took a breath that lifted her shoulders and dropped them. Ezra wasn't sure if it was resignation or exhaustion.
"How are you feeling, Mom?" Kaylee asked, approaching the stretcher.
"Like someone ruined my high," Tammy scowled.
Ezra noticed Kaylee didn't argue or correct her mom. Didn't tell her she would have died if there hadn't been for the Narcan Kaylee gave her. Ezra wondered how many times Kaylee and her mom had been here before.
"Are they keeping you overnight?" Kaylee asked.
"Yeah, that's what they're saying. Fluids, labs, blah, blah, blah."
Kaylee just nodded. Ezra saw her hand reach for her mom's. "I'm glad you're ok," she said.
Tammy didn't hold back her eye roll. "A bunch of overreacting over nothing."
Kaylee's shoulders lifted and fell again. She let go of her mom's hand. "I'll be back in the morning, OK? To give you a ride home."
Tammy mumbled something, and closed her eyes.
Ezra watched Kaylee study her mom's face, like she was looking for any hint of hope there. Ezra knew what that felt like, to want to find something that would reassure you the woman who had borne you would change. Improve. But he had stopped looking years ago.
"I love you," Kaylee whispered.
Tammy didn't say anything.
Turning, Kaylee looked surprised to see Ezra by the doorway. Her cheeks flushed the slightest hint of pink. It only highlighted how pale she was.
She shoved her hands into the front pocket of the sweatshirt beneath her unzipped coat.
Ezra held the door open for her. She kept her head ducked as she went past him. Didn't say anything as they left the hospital for the cold, dark parking lot outside.
Ezra made every effort to get ahold of his thoughts. They hadn't slowed. Hadn't become any more coherent or organized. He just kept thinking that he hadn't just kicked her out of their home—he had kicked her out with their child. He had left her alone to face a pregnancy. She was pregnant. With his child. There was a baby. It was his.
He held his silence, knowing she didn't deserve to shoulder his shock and confusion. He held it in with the thinnest of fraying threads of control.
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Ezra didn't say anything. Kaylee didn't blame him. She had really messed things up. Getting pregnant. Stealing from him. Not telling him anything. He had every right to not talk to her.
They got out into the parking lot and she turned to him. Braced herself for what she knew was the right thing to do for Ezra. "Thanks," she said. She wished her voice didn't wobble. She cast around trying to find the right words to thank him for showing up at the right time. For helping her mom, calling 911. The ride to the hospital. For being there.
That thought had her brow wrinkling. Why was he here? "You didn't have to come," she said. She wondered if he was coming for his truck. Maybe that's why he was here. She fished in her coat pocket. "I have the key to your truck. I was trying to find someone to drive it back to you." She wondered how he was going to get it back to Colorado. Did he have someone to drive it for him?
There was a flash of surprise when she held out the key to him, then his face was back into that detached emotionless expression. "I'm not here for the truck," he said.
"Oh," she said. She still held out the key. It dangled uselessly between them. When he didn't take it, she pulled it back toward her.
"I don't have your money yet," she said. "But I'm going to—"
"I don't care about the money," Ezra said, shocked into a flash of emotion again. His words echoed in the nearly vacant parking lot.
Ezra closed his eyes. Kaylee watched his chest lift as he took in a long breath, fall as he released it. He opened his eyes, in control again.
"I'll see you home," he said. "Would…would it be out of line for me to stay the night? On the couch," he hurried to add. "In case you find you need anything."
The thought of not being alone in the house for the night made Kaylee want to cry with relief. She nodded.
Ezra gave her a single nod in return. He motioned toward his truck and escorted her there.
Kaylee was painfully aware that his hand at the small of her back that hovered near, but didn't make contact with even her jacket.
She clenched her fists to keep herself from reaching out to him. But she couldn't stop herself from drawing comfort from his presence. The pain his nearness brought mixed with a reassurance that made the hurt worth it.
He opened the passenger door to his truck and she quickly got in, avoiding his eyes. If she looked at him, she wouldn't be able to hold back everything she wanted to say to him. And he clearly didn't want to hear it. His silence told her everything he was thinking about her.
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