The chill in the air despite the dwindling warmth of the setting sun forces Tara back inside before Jax even has the chance to swing his leg over his bike, reach for the helmet that's dangling from its handlebar, or even rifle through his pockets for the cigarette she knows he'll light before he fires it up. At least, that's what she tells herself.

In actuality, it's just easier to rub her arms and scurry up the walk, feigning a shiver despite the fact that his kiss is still burning on her lips, and despite the fact that the slow simmer he's ignited in her belly is now working its way to the tips of her toes. Easier, anyway, than staying where she was- on the curb mere feet away from him- and letting him go all over again. She can't even watch him go, if she's being honest with herself- and honesty's been a pretty damn rare occurrence until lately, when she'd been forced to face some hard truths. God- somehow, just the thought of seeing him ride away from her with so much left unfinished twists her stomach and has a lump rising in her throat.

So even though she'd been the one to leave Charming- and he hadn't even been in town when she'd left… Even though she'd been the one, mere minutes ago, to make her excuses and urge him to go… That doesn't mean she has to fucking watch.

Tara's inside, the door latched safely behind her, before her breath fully returns. Still, there's no sound of his bike firing up- something she'd been bracing herself for, oddly, since the moment she'd left his side.

Throwing herself across the bed- God, since when are you so dramatic, her inner voice demands- she buries her face in the pillow he'd used earlier. Oh, I don't know; maybe when you cried yourself to sleep in his arms, the other, more rational one chides her. You know, right after you screamed at him to get out of your apartment. Which was only a couple hours before you left him here alone, then asked him back in for dinner. And that was right before you had yet another screaming match, and then let him kiss you senseless in your kitchen like none of it had ever happened.

Though Tara's inner thoughts sound significantly less accusatory than before as she lists the events of the past 24 hours, she's sounding a little unhinged even to herself. Closing her eyes, Tara rolls to her back, tries to push away the wellspring of feelings their argument and especially his kisses had been feeding. And just like that, she's teetering on the edge of giving into the fantasy some hidden part of her conjures up the moment she thinks about him. It's a fantasy she's had before, no doubt- only this time, it involves Jax determinedly striding back into her apartment to take her hand, pulling her to him and using his body to press her up against the nearest wall, dipping his hand into her panties and-

She's proud when she flinches only slightly as the sound of Jax's bike firing up fills the empty apartment. She's less proud of the way her chest aches, throbbing in time with the motor. It's a sensation that seems to worsen as he puts the bike into gear, again as he gives it some throttle, and still more as the sound rises and falls, the reverberations beginning to ebb. She listens as it fades to nothing, almost breathless; half-dreading and half-hoping the ghost of a sound will return, but fully embarrassed- ashamed even- that she's still battling with herself over the same shit that had had her twisted up back in Charming.

Afraid to go, afraid to stay, afraid to be alone- those things described her then, and they sure as hell still fit her now. Alone, actually, is what she'd gotten far too accustomed to being both, before and after Jax. Tara laughs humorlessly, then, despite herself- she'd left Charming to get away from all of…this. The torment, the want, and everything else that came with what she's now more sure than ever is a love that's not exactly a healthy one on either of their parts. But try as she might, she'd never been able to free herself of him, box him up and harden her heart to him like she'd promised herself she would. Not even when he'd broken it all over again by not showing up when it mattered the most.

But here they are once again, and he- they- had proven far too tempting to ignore.

So tempting that once again, her mind begins to drift where it always does when she's alone- only this time, she has a whole slew of new memories. The way he'd kissed her, as if he wasn't willing to let another moment go by without her by his side. The way he'd skimmed his fingers reverently over the tattoo he hadn't believed for a second was anything but her way of carrying a piece of him with her everywhere she went. The way he'd kissed her again, so gently, moments after she'd finally finished battling with herself and taken his hand to lead him down her front walk.

Tara groans, throwing an arm over her eyes in frustration, willing away the brief flashes of what would have happened if he hadn't acted like a fucking gentleman just when she needed him to be one. What they might be doing at this very moment if he'd tugged her back towards her apartment and kicked the door shut behind them-

A knock at the door has her sitting stark upright in the bed, derailing her brief train of thought before it can veer into all-too-familiar territory.

She can't decide if she's annoyed or grateful. On second thought, maybe being alone is almost as risky as letting Jax into her apartment in the first place

"Tara! Open up, girl!"

Sighing and pulling her- his- new flannel tighter around herself, Tara takes the few steps across her apartment and hesitates at the door. Scrubbing furiously beneath her eyes in a half-vain attempt to remove the smudges she knows are there from her earlier bout of tears, she takes a few steadying breaths before opening the door to find Sarah smiling back at her. Unsure whether she's inviting her friend inside or slinking back into the familiar darkness of her apartment, Tara takes a step back, her hand slowly drifting from the knob. As usual, though, Sarah's steady stream of chatter serves to take the focus off the mixture of emotions that Tara's currently struggling to keep off her face.

Thank God.

"God, Tare, you wouldn't believe what I saw in the parking lot just now,," Sarah's saying as she tosses her purse onto the desk, then drops down dramatically right next to it on the desk's top. Tara's mind, still reeling from a solid 36 hours of frenetic emotions spurred by Jax's arrival in Tacoma, is just beginning to grasp the fragments of what her friend is saying when she's rushing on. Thankfully, Sarah's soon answering her own rhetorical question, allowing Tara to sink down onto the edge of her bed in silence.

"The hottest guy- long hair, blue eyes that'd make any girl melt, and that face…" Her grin grows wider, remembering. "Like Kurt Cobain, only better." Trailing off again, Sarah fans herself, as if it isn't sixty degrees outside, and Tara can't help but feel the faint dregs of an old memory drifting in. "What is it about the bad boys? I could just tell by the way he walked- or maybe it was the cigarette… or the motorcycle." Sitting upright, Sarah cranes her neck from her vantage point perched atop the desk to eye Tara sharply. "Maybe he lives in this complex somewhere." When Tara just smiles ruefully, she can almost see Sarah's ears perk up. "Or maybe you even know him or something-"

At this, Tara's own grin widens, despite the familiar twinge of annoyance she's always felt when other people point out how goddamn irresistible her boyfriend is. Ex-boyfriend, the voice (the one that represents the new, far-from-lovesick Tara she'd created since her arrival in Tacoma) whispers. She shakes her head, both at herself and at the years-old issue rearing its annoying head once again. Christ, even college girls in Tacoma are lining up to get a chance with Jax, now?

"Oh I know him, alright…" The old Tara supplies, and her voice takes on a snarky tint before she can stop herself. Internally, she rolls her eyes at the possessive bent her thoughts are already taking. This is exactly what she didn't want when she came up here, one of the things she'd left Charming to escape: that possessive, all-encompassing, "gotta be with you every minute" pull she'd felt towards Jax. And worse, it makes her a goddamn hypocrite. Christ, hadn't she just sent his ass back up to the Tacoma clubhouse, wherever the hell it was? "Didn't you have a date last night? Or was I just hallucinating?" She asks, in a last-ditch attempt to move the subject away from Jax.

Blissfully unaware of her friend's internal dialogue, Sarah waves a dismissive hand.

"Oh, that. I knew five minutes in that our first date was gonna be our last." A devious smile curling her lips now, she switches tacks. "But I'd put some effort into parking lot boy- I could tell right away he'd be worth it. So if you know him…" She leans forward, clasps her hands together, ponytail bobbing as she bows her head in mock supplication. "Set me up with him, Tare-"

Tara can't help the bark of laughter that crosses her lips any more than she can the jolt of annoying possessiveness that had caused it. Or what comes out of her mouth, next.

"Yeah, I don't think that will be happening." She ignores the look of confusion that spreads across her friend's face in favor of reaching up uncomfortably to rub at the back of her neck. If her hand drifts lower to brush against the looping cursive script between her shoulders, it's subconsciously. Still, Sarah sits back a bit, frowning.

"Why, is he a dick or something? I might be willing to look past…" Sarah's voice slows, eyes narrowing as she zeroes in on what Tara can feel is the hot flush creeping up her chest. "What aren't you telling me, Tara?"

God… After momentarily losing her mind and practically walking into traffic the other day, then telling both Chris and Sarah that it had been because she'd thought she'd heard her boyfriend's- ex boyfriend's- motorcycle a half mile away, she knows it's only a matter of time before Sarah puts two and two together.

Worse, after the past twenty-four hours of emotional confrontation and brutal fucking honesty with the source of her most recent breakdown, she's fucking tired. Tired enough to finally take that last step and let the two worlds she'd been living in truly mesh. Hell, Jax is here literally, why shouldn't he be here figuratively, as well?

"So that guy- the one you saw in the lot just now…" Sarah nods, as if Tara's a slightly less than bright child. "He um… He was there because he'd just left here. Maybe ten minutes before you showed up." Sarah smirks and opens her mouth, undoubtedly to ask for the dirty details Tara knows by instinct she's just conjured up in her imagination, so she hurries on to avoid that line of questioning. "It's Jax. I mean… the guy I thought I saw at the fair yesterday, I wasn't losing my mind, at least not in the way you think. He's the guy-"

"The guy from your tattoo," Sarah finishes, slowly, her eyes widening. "But he's…"

Hot? Unavailable? The single most frustrating boy on the face of this planet? The one thing that could truly derail all the plans I've made for my life, even though he's always been the only other person I included in them? Tara sighs as the pieces begin to fall into place for her friend.

"It's just that I thought you said you left him in your hometown. But he's like… here? Now? In Tacoma? Wait- your ex looks like that and rides a fuckin' motorcycle?" At Tara's shrug, Sarah leans forward even further. "I mean, I can see why you ran into traffic looking for him…" Tara laughs at Sarah's expression as she almost instantly bites her lip, backpedaling. "Wait- that was really insensitive, I'm sorry. I mean, that's why I came over here in the first place, to make sure you were OK-"

"And I appreciate that… So, so much," Tara interrupts, both needing to put a stop to her friend's train of thought and finding that what she's said is the God-honest truth, if nothing else. It's nice to have someone who cares.

"So he's here in town- but not here, with you? Wait, is he leaving? What happened, Tare?" When Tara doesn't respond to this newest onslaught of queries, Sarah moves from her spot on the desk and eases herself down onto the bed, her brown eyes earnest in her concern. "Who is this guy? And what the hell did he do to you that's got you so torn up?"

Ignoring her friend's rapid-fire questions for a moment, Tara flops back onto the bed, rubbing her temples in a vain attempt to ward off the impending headache the conversation's sure to bring. She groans inwardly as the realization hits- she's going to have to give Sarah at least part of the story. Probably more than she'd been willing to reveal yesterday at the fair. Definitely more than she'd ever told anyone about Jax, their love, and the shitstorm their lives had become these past months.

Even then, it's almost a relief that she can't tell her everything. Christ, there's little to nothing she can actually reveal about the club or Charming. And the irony doesn't escape her that she's still playing the part of a good Old Lady, though she's never been one, not really- not without the tattoo, the club, and all the other shit that comes with it. Tara snorts at the realization that somehow, despite all the shit that's happened and despite the fact that she's pretty sure Gemma hates her ass by now, she'd also be proud…of this at least.

"Tare-"

Here we fuckin' go...

"Jax- that's his name. Jackson, actually… We've known each other since we were little kids. Since way before my mom died. He and his best friend, Opie-"

"Wait- Opie?" Sarah's brow wrinkles and Tara rolls her eyes.

"It's a nickname. Do you want to hear this or not?" She doesn't wait for a response before continuing. "Anyway, they were always there for me. They were there when we were little, when my mom died when I was nine… and then when my dad couldn't keep his shit together afterwards. He basically left me to raise myself at that point. But Jax and Opie- and even Opie's dad- they were there to do what they could, until my aunt decided I should move to San Diego with her to get me away from the chaos my dad was in. And even though I moved away for seven fucking years and only came back to my hometown for high school because my aunt died… they were still there for me. Jax was what I needed when I needed it most." Next to her, Sarah nods, the movement that tugs at the sheets the first Tara's aware that her friend had settled back on the bed along with her.

"So we were friends first, but within a few days of me moving back home, we realized there was more there." Tara smiles, eyes stinging, at the memory of Jax's near-speechless awe at her return, and her own awkward cluelessness at his reaction. "Actually, I think I've loved him for a lot longer than that, we just didn't know what it all meant when we were kids. But he became my… my everything- both in high school and after graduation. God, I couldn't stand to be away from him for more than a few hours at a time, and I knew he felt the same way. It was…"

"Intense?" Sarah supplies, rolling her head to cock an eyebrow in Tara's direction.

"At least." Tara shrugs. "I don't even have words to describe what he was to me, what we were. I guess the closest thing either of us ever came up with is that poem-"

"The one in the tattoo," Sarah muses, nodding. "Jesus…" They're silent a few moments. Then- "So what went wrong?"

"I don't even know how to explain it to you," Tara groans, because how the hell does anyone describe SAMCRO? Gemma Teller? Hell, even Jax is hard to describe to someone who hadn't grown up with them and watched the legend of the goddamn Prince of Charming unfold. So how is she supposed to explain all the shit that had torn them apart. Just keep it basic, Knowles.

"Let's just say his family has a business in town, and his dad is the President. They're kind of a… big deal in the area, and everyone expects Jax to sort of take over when his dad, um, retires. Especially his mom."

"Oh, God…" Sarah interjects. "So Mommie Dearest didn't like you?"

"I wish it were that simple… though she definitely hates my ass now," Tara explains, wryly. "She's actually always been there for me, too, in her own fucked-up way. But that love only goes so far. I'm pretty sure it doesn't extend to any situation where she thinks I'm pulling her precious baby boy away from the, uh, family business."

"He should've grown some balls and told her you weren't pulling him away from shit. It's his decision where he goes, what he does," Sarah argues, her forehead wrinkling, "And besides, what mom doesn't want their kid to be happy?"

Tara sighs. Again, it just isn't that simple.

"I've known I wanted to be like my mom since I was a little kid. Almost as long as I've known Jax. She was a peds nurse at the local hospital, and she was always doing all she could to make those kids feel special but also like they weren't different from everyone else. At some point, it's like I just knew that the way to do that, to live up to her example, for me, was to become a doctor. But four-year universities just don't exist in that part of Cali, and the only opportunity for me was community college."

"So you had to leave, then." Sarah's voice sounds sure- much more sure than Tara had felt at the time. Even now, she feels the urge bubbling up to defend Jax- defend them.

"Just like I knew what I wanted, so did Jax. Family, the business… it means a lot to him. And his family was really good to me. But we wanted to be together so we made a plan- a compromise. We'd stay there until he was done, uh, with his internship, and I'd get some credits out of the way at the community college. Then, we'd make it work- go wherever I could get a scholarship and he'd transfer to some other, um, branch. And for a while, we were okay. We stayed strong and it was getting closer and closer to the day we'd leave, together. But then… Then, some truly awful shit happened with his best friend, the family business needed him, and he felt like he had to choose between our plan and his career. So, he made a choice, like you said. Except it really was his own decision."

And it had been, Tara realizes, like it's the first time. He'd shut her out to wallow in his own pain and had clung to his sense of duty to the club, his sense of duty to Opie, like it was his lifeline- but it had been his choice. Worse, he'd been her lifeline, and he knew it. And still he'd practically abandoned her weeks before she'd left town, like she didn't even matter. And despite the fact that she and Jax had just finished spending the last 24 hours hashing things out, she feels that same hurt creeping right back in as she says it out loud for what feels like the first time.

"He made his choice, Sarah, and it wasn't me. He chose to stay with his family. And you know what? I can't hate him for that. It's his family, you know?" Sarah nods again, though of course, she's got no fucking clue just what role Jax's family- and especially his SAMCRO family- really played in all of this. "And maybe I always knew somehow that if it really came down to it, he was never going to follow through with our plan. Maybe even if all that shit had never happened, he still wouldn't have chosen me. But it did happen, and he just… assumed I'd follow his lead and stay there in that backwards, small-minded town with him." She pauses, taking a shaking sigh. "And that's when I realized I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't let him be my everything and give up what I worked so hard for in the process. So… I left. I followed through with our plan- but I did it by myself."

As the silence settles in once again, Tara knows she's just created more questions than she's answered. Knows that there's no way Sarah truly understands, especially with all the garbled half-truths she'd had to give instead of what had actually happened. There's no way she truly understands the influence of the club, Gemma's singular focus on Jax's future in SAMCRO, Ope in prison, Jax taking on Ope's duty and his own, the crushing loneliness she'd felt even before he'd left on that last run…

Then, Sarah's hand is squeezing her own. Tara turns her head once again to look at her, finds her friend's face inches from her own, her friendly brown eyes full of sympathy.

"You broke up with him?" Tara closes her eyes, briefly, before answering honestly,

"He left on an um, business trip, with his family. I knew I wouldn't have been able to go with him there, asking me to stay. I just- I left him a letter." Sarah's brows fly up in surprise. "I, um… told him I'd always love him but that I had to leave. So I'm guessing he took it as a breakup, yeah."

"So wait, when was this?"

"June, why?"

"Nothing," Sarah responds, chewing her lip, thoughtfully. "I mean… I know he was probably pissed you broke up with him in a letter, but I get why you thought you had to do it that way. Just wondering why the hell it took him so damn long to show up here, is all."

"Well… I didn't exactly tell him where I was going," Tara responds, flushing. "Partly because I didn't trust myself to follow through- especially if he was a day behind me. But…" She sighs, suddenly unable to put words to all the shit swirling around inside her head.

"But you wanted him to come after you anyway," Sarah says, knowingly- and Tara closes her eyes.

"I… Not at first. We needed the space. I needed some time to figure out what I was, who I was, away from him. But then…" Tara bites her lip, torn. Just fucking say it, Tara. You couldn't say it to Jax, but not saying it doesn't make it any less true. "Yes, I wanted him to care enough to come after me." The words come out in a rush, and she can't help but say it all, if just this once. "I wanted him to make the move, do what he couldn't do before I left- reach out and actually talk about us like we mattered. Even if it was only to tell me he hated me for leaving. Even if we were done."

"And instead, he waits for what- two-three months?" She waits only a moment for Tara's answering nod, then narrows her eyes. "You made the right choice, Tare. I know you're not telling me all of it, but if you hadn't, you'd still be back in that shitty little town you're from, hating yourself and hating him. If he couldn't grow a pair and do something for you- hell, for himself- instead of what his family expected, you made the right decision, coming up here."

"That's actually exactly what he told me today."

"So why the hell's he here? Why now?" Tara shrugs, but Sarah only squeezes her hand a little tighter and she finds the will to finish this.

"At first, I think he walked back in here thinking we'd just make up and everything would be great again. But then… I don't know, Sarah. He says he was wrong; he actually apologized for everything." Once again, Jax's presence seems to fill the room, even though he'd left it nearly an hour ago. He'd stood right there, by the door, pretty words flowing from his lips as he'd practically begged her to let him back in. He'd sat at her table, his eyes drinking her in like she was the only thing sustaining his life, as he'd asked her what he could do to prove to her he was serious. He'd pressed her against that countertop, his fingers brushing over her tattoo, his breath hot on her neck, as he'd…

Tara clears her throat, and Sarah just looks at her, expectantly. "It took him a while to track me down, I guess. He, um… He says he's transferring up here, to the company's branch in Tacoma."

"Because his family expects him to?" Tara snorts.

"His mom doesn't even know I'm up here. But she's definitely gonna have a shit fit if he transfers."

"So it's for you, then. Because he loves you." Sarah's quiet for a moment. Then, "So do you still love him?"

Thoughts of Gemma quickly fade as Tara remembers the determined set in Jax's jaw, the promise in his voice as he'd told her his plans, and the intensity in his eyes as he'd told her he loved her. They're words she hadn't been able to bring herself to return- not then, not now. But it was all real, for him, she's sure of it- she just isn't sure about anything else.

"I… He says he's staying. And with or without me, his f-"

"Wait. Without you? You're saying even if he actually does it- leaves his family in Cali and comes up here to be with you… You might not take him back?"

"It's not- it's not like that. It's not an… Not a decision I'm making, whether or not I let him back in. There's not some box I can check for 'Yes, I'll date Jackson Teller again,' or 'No, I'm moving on with my life.' I just don't know if I can get past this. I don't know if my heart will let me trust him again, even though he's saying all the right things, doing all the right things. Even if I wish I could." And Sarah's sitting up, shaking her head.

"I get it Tara, really. Even though you don't think I do, I understand what a risk it is. And you're probably right not to trust him- but what's more important to you, Tara? Being right? Or being happy?"

Silence stretches over them again, and Tara's flooded with memories for the hundredth time since she'd left Charming and since Jax had appeared at her door. Jax and Opie, holding her as she'd cried underneath that giant willow tree in the park. His hand in hers as they faced Charming High, her father, his mother, his club, together. His wink and cocky-ass grin as he caught her eye across a crowded classroom, and the way it would seem to morph into something real, something he saved just for her, when she couldn't look away. Long summer afternoons in their spot out on the Wahewa reservation, and laughter around the table at the diner with their closest friends in the world. Stolen moments in the Cutlass or dark corners of the clubhouse, even the school library that time she'd participated in the school play. The way his eyes seemed to look straight through to her very soul every time he said he loved her….

The almost crippling loneliness she'd felt even as they lay next to each other in their bed, still breathless from sexual exertion, yet careful not to touch. His determined effort to work himself to a state of exhaustion at T-W, with the club- and his silent dismissal every time he sensed her heart reaching out to his. The bleak, barren, days, weeks, years stretching out before her, where every day promised to be just like the day before- desolate, empty, and hopeless.

"I was happy when I was with him," Tara says, her voice soft, but clear- and Sarah turns to look at her once again. "And I mean that. I was the happiest I've ever been, partly because I loved him so much, and partly because we just… he-" She pauses, tries to find the words. "He was my person. That's the only way I know how to say it."

"But?" And now the words come on a shaking sigh, as Tara tries her damndest not to cry. Again.

"But being with him- it's not easy. I've been the happiest I've ever been, but I've also been the most miserable I've ever been-"

"Without him," Sarah points out, but Tara presses on like she hadn't even spoken.

"And all his promises that things will be different now that he's here? Well, I've heard his promises before. I know he means them and I know how much he wants things to be different, but he also meant them before."

"So what do you want, Tare? Forget what he wants, what his family wants, what your dad wants. What do you want?" And Tara can't help but smile as another memory filters in.

"Jax actually asked me that once, in almost exactly the same way. He'd just turned sixteen, and he seemed like he had all the confidence in the world that the two of us could make a relationship work, be more than just friends without ruining everything. But I-" She laughs, remembering. "I was scared shitless to take that next step. Later, I found out he was just as terrified as I that night- he asked me, 'What do you want, Tara?' And even though I was scared, I think I knew the answer even before he asked me the question. I kissed him, and…" She fights, uselessly, to keep the blush from coloring her cheeks. "We've been together ever since. Until-"

"Until." Sarah agrees, though to what, neither of them know. "So what's the answer now?" Tara groans, her eyes drifting closed, as if to ward off the whirlwind of events in the past couple dozen hours that hadn't gotten her any closer to that answer than she had been the day she'd left Charming.

"I know what I want- that hasn't changed. But I need… something, I don't know.. I need to- to know that he's truly here. With me. And I don't know what that looks like. God, I need-"

"What you need…" Sarah sits up, her eyes narrowing, "is to get laid." As Tara flinches in horror, Sarah rolls her eyes and continues. "No, Stupid. I'm not saying you should go find someone else- you're obviously still too hung up on Mr. Bad Boy-"

"Jax." Tara supplies, absently, still cringing inwardly at the thought of getting that close to anyone else.

"Fine. You're still too hung up on Jax to get over him by sleeping with someone else- though, normally, that would have been my first piece of advice. Shit, it was my first piece of advice, back before I knew you'd found like… your one true love at the age of sixteen or whatever." Before Tara can even begin to process what it might mean if she can't bring herself to trust Jax again, but can't bring herself to move on with someone else, either, Sarah's grabbing both her hands and pulling her into a sitting position. "What you need to do before you make any decisions is to sleep with him. See if the magic is still there. I mean…" a knowing smile curls her lips, "there was magic involved, right?"

"More than you know. And all of… that- it's still there. It might even be stronger than before, I don't know." Sarah's smile turns triumphant as Tara reddens yet again. "But that's exactly what I don't need right now- to get lost in him again, I mean." She makes a frustrated noise. "I feel like I just got my head clear and I don't need something else dragging me under." Sarah just laughs, softly- but not unkindly.

"Oh, sweetie… You're already a goner." At Tara's narrowed eyes, she just shakes her head. "Don't shoot the messenger- I'm just saying. You've already got the tattoo, why not get another helping of the best dick you ever had?" She cocks a brow, "Wait- it was the best you've ever had, right?" At Tara's helpless shrug, which Sarah evidently takes for the affirmative, she goes on, smugly. "I knew there was something to be said for bad boys."

Wanting, needing, to shift the topic away from anything but the physical- especially with the ghost of Jax's kisses still lingering on her lips, her jawline, on down her neck, and across the lines of her tattoo. Tara grasps for something, anything else.

"It can't be this easy," she says, sadly.

"Why, Tara? Why's it gotta be so hard? And I'm not even talking about sex anymore, so don't get it twisted. Why make things so hard on yourself? Truly? I mean…" Sarah lowers her head, shifting until she's looking Tara in the eye. "I know a good friend would definitely support her friend wanting to like… guard her heart, avoid getting hurt again. I get that. But he did come after you, and isn't that what matters? I mean… It took you a month or more to come out of your shell once you got here, and thank God you did. And I know I don't even know him, and I didn't know the two of you when you were together but… After the thing at the fair, even I can tell you're not… yourself, here, without him."

"And that's exactly what I'm talking about!" Tara protests, "I mean, isn't that a little fucked up? Who isn't themselves unless they're in a relationship? Especially when they're 19?" Sarah just shrugs, squeezes Tara's hands.

"I mean… Don't get pissed at me here, Knowles, but this doesn't just sound like a relationship. It sounds like the relationship. You just…" Pressing her lips together, Sarah looks away for a moment, evidently trying to put words to what she wants to say, next. "It sounds like maybe it's not that you're not yourselves, but that you grew up together. Or maybe you grew into what you are now because you had each other. Maybe you just- I don't know…"

"We didn't know who we were until we were connected to someone else," Tara finishes, almost absently. And in the silence that follows, she wishes she hadn't said that out loud. More, she doesn't want to face what she, what they, could become if it's all true. What if she and Jax had spent all this time truly becoming who they were, in part, because they had each other? And what would become of them now, if she just can't bring herself to trust him? If he hurts her again?

"Jax said that…" Tara murmurs, suddenly, her eyes lifting to meet Sarah's.

"Said what?" Sarah cocks a brow, quizzically.

"Well, almost that. Something about how we're just better people when we're with the person we're supposed to be with."

"See?" Sarah crows, dropping her hands to smack her thighs in emphasis. "I mean, who even says shit like that? Trust me, Babe, the boy is desperate to do what it takes to earn back your trust." She ticks the events off on her fingers, as if she's making a damn grocery list. "First, he got his head out of his ass and did whatever he had to do to track you down. Then, he showed up here, at your door, ready to-"

"Actually," Tara interrupts, biting her lip, "he came here the night of the fair but lost his nerve. He left this compass locket on my doorstep and was headed out of town. I had just enough time to find it and lose my damn mind before he came back here this morning-"

"Okay, okay, so that was a little fucked up. But he's here, now, so let's not get distracted." Sarah waves her off. "So he bought you a necklace and then he apologized- and he was obviously sincere enough that even you believed he was sorry. Thennnn," Sara draws out this last word, a sly smile on her face. "Then, he gave you a taste of what you've been missing, didn't he?"

"God, Sarah, shut up…" Tara groans, dropping her face into her hands.

"And then what? He had to leave? You kicked him out? What?"

"Nothing happened. He just… kissed me, that's all." Except a kiss between you and Jax is never just a kiss, the voice reminds her, gently, this time. And it's true. Nothing between them has ever been what she'd call ordinary or everyday- but isn't that just another reason, on top of the many others, that this hurts so fucking bad? "He kissed me, we talked, he saw my tattoo- not like that, I know what you're thinking… and then I told him I needed to study and asked him to leave.

"Tara…" Her friend's voice sounds exasperated, and Tara can't help but match her tone.

"Sarah…"

'Alright. Fine. I can see I'm not gonna convince you tonight. And I want you to know I'm team girl on this one- and always. You're my friend first, and I'll support you in whatever dumb shit you decide to do to keep away from the love of your life. So, if we hate him- fine. I can do that. I can hate the shit out of someone who hurts my friend. I just… I don't want you to keep on feeling miserable because you're trying to prove some point, whether it's to you or to him."

"I'm not trying to prove anything to anyone, Sarah, I swear I'm not. I'm just…" Before she can stop them, Tara can feel the tears beginning to build, the hot stinging in her eyes that's prefaced far too many conversations over the last few days. They spill over, coursing down her cheeks, as she puts it in the simplest terms she can- both for herself and for her friend. "I just don't know whether I'm more afraid of getting hurt again or of never being with Jax again. And that uncertainty scares me even more."

And as Tara breaks down for what she hopes is the last goddamn time today, she can do nothing more than lay her head in Sarah's lap and let the tears come. She's taking some small measure of comfort in the way Sarah pats her back and strokes her hair- wonders if this is maybe a tiny bit close to what it's like to have a mother be there when she needs her most- when she hears Sarah's voice, soft and soothing.

"Love hurts, doesn't it?"

It sure as hell does.

The lot is quiet for this early in the evening- even on a Sunday night- and Jax can't help but breathe a sigh of relief as he lines his bike up next to Kozik's on the near side of the clubhouse building. Since there's only one person in this world he's currently feeling anywhere close to willing to see- and she'd sent him packing not thirty minutes before- the relative lack of SAMTAC brothers he'll have to deal with is ideal.

In fact, he'd been sorely tempted to take a right instead of a left as he reached the T intersection that tied into the series of industrial docks and warehouses that housed the SAMTAC clubhouse, release the rest of his pent-up energy on the road itself, maybe chase the moonlight until it rose high above Mount Rainier itself. Though, not as tempted as he'd been to take a fucking U-turn, burn up the road between his current location and his girl, come what may. But with the physical exhaustion beginning to seep into his bones and the emotional upheaval of the last 48 hours beginning to war with his nervous energy, blurring his vision and pulling at the last remaining fragments of his sanity, all he wants to do is drag himself into his room, drop facedown on the bed, and not resurface until his next chance to see Tara.

Remembering her as she'd been, her delicate hand in his, her fingers on his cheeks, her lips on his own- then drifting up her walk, small frame practically drowning in his shirt, before disappearing through her front door- has his heart pounding. More, he finds a genuine smile creeping onto his lips as he stows his helmet and makes for the front door. She hadn't thrown herself into his arms by any means- hell, she'd done all she could to slam the door in his goddamn face- and he's still got little to no idea how to go about getting her to trust him again. But just seeing her, holding her close, kissing her, had been enough to begin to mend the gaping pit she'd left in his chest months ago.

The main room of the clubhouse is almost as deserted as the lot, with only two brothers pacing around the pool table in the front corner. Both send Jax a grin and a nod as he makes his way past them and he's quick to return the greeting. Thankfully, they almost instantly return to their heated debate, which evidently involves the placement of the cue ball, leaving Jax to quicken his steps in an effort to escape to the safety of the dorm rooms beyond the bar.

He's just about there- is contemplating ducking behind the bar and pulling himself a beer since even the club girls seem to have called it an early night- when he hears the low voice from somewhere beyond the bar top.

"Hey, just a minute, OK?"

Jax instantly recognizes Kozik's voice, and even though his chance of making it to the back before he has to answer any questions is pretty much shit now, he sets his focus on the dark recesses of the hallway that's only a few steps away-

"Yo, Jax!"

Reluctantly, he turns to nod at Kozik, who's posted up on a stack of liquor boxes behind the bar, feet on a rack of Coors, the bar phone at his ear. Koz shoots him an easy grin and covers the receiver to get straight to business.

"Pres called- your old man, I mean. Guess he talked to Lee and got the rundown, but he wanted to know how our side of shit was goin' so I filled him in. I, uh, told him you had some shit to take care of but you'd call him first thing when you got back." Kozik pauses, then, and Jax can only find it in himself to nod, gratefully.

"A'ight. Thanks, brother." Thankful indeed that Kozik seems to be in the midst of another conversation, Jax manages a smile and jerks his head towards the safety of the back hallway. "I'm gonna call it a night, I'll call Da- uh, JT back in the morning, let you get back to your call." Instead of raising the mouthpiece back to his lips, though, Koz studies him a moment, seems to make some sort of decision before he's tossing out a question- casual as can be, though the topic is anything but.

"Speakin' of takin' care of shit- you get things straightened out with your girl?" This time, Jax shrugs, though he's pretty sure he visibly sags against the bar in a mix of exhaustion and exasperation. He reaches down into the bar well, almost for lack of something better to do.

"I'm workin' on it,." Jax says, evasively.

Kozik's answering chuckle has Jax rolling his eyes, pushing off the end of the bar to walk behind it instead. As he plucks a glass from the tall stack on the shelf right above Kozik's head ,he doesn't miss the appreciative nod Kozik sends his way.

"'Bout time you had to work for somethin'. I take it Knowles isn't quite ready to let you back in?"

Jax doesn't answer in favor of setting the glass up on the bar and pouring himself a generous shot or three. He's far from ready to rehash all that shit with Kozik again- especially before he's got a handle on when he's seeing her next-

And suddenly, shot forgotten, the realization dawns. In the midst of all the arguing, the pleading on his part, the frustration on her part, the spilled soda, the betrayal, the tears, the tattoo… not to mention the kisses they'd shared and the way her presence had simply fucking rocked him- he'd fucked up big time. He'd neglected to get her phone number. Christ, how the hell's he supposed to call her, respect the boundary she'd set, do things the right way this time, without her goddamn number?

"Baby, I told you he grew a pair and went down there…" And as Kozik's voice filters in and out of his consciousness, amidst the general frustration, the awaiting booze, and the banter of the two brothers in the background, Jax's exhausted brain seizes on one crucial detail. Realizes who, exactly, Koz is talking to. "...I'm actually not surprised to see him back already; you doc types are fuckin' merciless-"

"Angela!" Jax blurts out, seemingly apropos of nothing, and Kozik stops short to laugh, shooting him an odd look and covering the receiver again.

"That'd be her name, brother. You're not talkin' to her, though. I only get her for 30 more minutes before she goes to bed or until this calling card runs out- whichever's sooner."

"No, I mean-" Jax rakes a hand through his hair. "I told Tara I'd call her, set up a time to uh… hang out," he fumbles, not wanting to let on just how far he is from making things right with her. At Kozik's raised eyebrow, which he correctly interprets as so how the fuck does this involve me? Jax takes a step closer. "I just… Well, we got caught up and I didn't get her number. So I thought, you know, maybe Angela might have it?" he finishes, lamely.

Kozik, for his part, just rolls his eyes.

"Jeeez-us Christ, Jax. If you ain't gettin' in your own way, you ain't gettin' anywhere at all, are you?" He doesn't give Jax a chance to answer, just brings the receiver back up to his mouth. "Hey, Angie? Jax wants to know if you have Tara's phone number handy." There's a pause, and Koz grins. "That's what I wanted to know. But that don't matter now- he's callin' her to set up a meet- uh, a time to hang out." Another pause, this one longer than the first. Then- "Shit, baby, I'll ask, but- Yeah, okay." The look on Kozik's face is unreadable as he covers the receiver again. "Angie wants to make sure your uh… heart is in the right place." When Jax looks at him quizzically, Kozik clarifies. "You ain't gonna hurt her again, right? That's what she's askin'." Jax just shakes his head.

"Brother, if you're not convinced I love her by now, I don't know what else I can possibly say to tell you I won't hurt her again."

"Say that then, man." With a smirk, Koz holds the phone out in front of him in Jax's general direction. "You don't gotta convince me, anyway- you gotta convince her. No bullshit." Jax shrugs, Christ, he's already told Tara herself what was on his heart- what's one more person?

"Hurtin' her would be like hurtin' myself, and God knows I've done enough of that,"Jax says, careful to keep the desperate tint out of his voice, satisfied when it comes out clear, true, and- he hopes- convincing. "I love her, I can't even tell you how much. So I'm not. Gonna. Hurt her."

The wait seems agonizing as Koz puts his ear back up to the phone to listen once again, though it's probably only thirty seconds or so until he grins, leans up to snag the ragged-looking notebook and pen from beneath the phone cradle, and scrawls down a series of numbers. Jax can only stare as the ink flows from the tip of the pen, each stroke getting him closer to where he needs to be. And then Kozik's tearing the sheet free from its binding and grinning, offering the precious slip of paper to Jax like it's a goddamn blank check. And in a sense, it is, Jax supposes.

Pay to: Jax Teller

In the amount of: One last shot at the future you barely deserve…

"And don't fuck this up again," Koz finishes his thought for him, then gestures at the receiver. "That part was from Angie. Well, not exactly in those words, but-"

"I won't," is all Jax can say in return. Then, "Lemme know when you get done here, and I'll call JT back. And then-"

Before he can finish his sentence, Kozik's on his feet, digging something out of his back pocket. He tosses it to Jax, and it's barely touched his fingertips before Jax recognizes it for what it is- the cell phone Lee had given Kozik several days prior. His surprise must have registered on his face, because Koz is instantly explaining.

"Free nights and weekends, bro, but you gotta wait to call 'til after 9 o'clock. Though, technically, I guess callin' a club Pres is club business." Kozik chuckles. "And if you happen to give your girl a call for free after that, by accident or some shit… Well, who's gonna know, right?"

Jax laughs too, shaking his head, tries not to think about how much better it would be if she were just here with him.

"A'ight, thanks Brother. And thanks, Angela," he says a little bit louder, so she can hear. "I guess I'll go call my old man." As Jax reaches for the glass of amber-colored liquid he'd all but abandoned several minutes before and tosses it back, wincing at the burn, he catches Kozik's smirk out of the corner of his eye.

"Yeah… you do that."

He's freshly showered and stretched out across the bed, safe within the confines of the spare room he'd claimed as his own, the unfamiliar cell phone in his hands, before the nerves truly begin to set in. Christ, what time is it, even? He glances at the bedside clock, a mixture of anticipation and dread leaving him uncertain whether he just wants to get this call over with already so he can get to the one that really matters, or stall until it's too late. Shit speaking of too late… Before he can change his mind and beat around the bush until his father's almost certainly gone home for the night- where he'll risk having to talk to Gemma if he calls- he presses the green dial button. Then, his gut almost instantly twists when a voice, soft and feminine, answers the phone after one ring.

"Club Reaper."

The moment of panic is quickly replaced by a rush of relief as he realizes the woman on the other end is not, in fact, his mother, but a crow eater he can't place. Thank fucking God. He just can't deal with her on top of everything else.

"Hey, it's Jax- uh, Teller." He says, since he doesn't recognize the speaker at the other end. "Is JT still there?"

"Sure is, Sugar, hold on just a moment." There's a bit of muffled rustling, as if whoever she is had pressed the phone against her shirt. A beat goes by, then she's back. "We've missed you, honey. The girls treatin' you well up in Tacoma?"Apparently, the unfamiliarity doesn't go both ways. Jax is saved from having to answer when there's more rustling and he can hear his father's voice in the background, thanking whoever-she-is. Then, there's a series of clicks, and the voice gets louder.

"Jax?"

"Dad?"

"Hey, Son. Had Shana transfer the call into the Chapel so I could hear more'n half of what you're sayin'- the guys are all up at the bar. How are things?"

"Fine- Kozik said you called? I just got back to the clubhouse and thought I should call you back."

"Yeah, I just wanted to hear how the job was goin' up there, but Kozy filled me in. He said…"

It's more comforting than he'd anticipated, hearing his father's voice, and as he listens to JT's rundown of his conversation with Kozik, Jax lands on exactly why that is. He's days away from 20 years old, a patched member of a respected MC, and living miles away from home- but for some reason the knowledge of what could have been had Clay's scheming been successful truly hits him full-force, leaves him momentarily speechless.

Christ, they almost didn't have this- he almost didn't have the option to just pick up a phone and talk to his dad. He came this close to being the only son of Gemma Teller and the heir to a throne that had been usurped by the very man who'd conspired to kill its king. Even as the shudder runs through him at the prospect, Jax's hit by another thought, just as terrible.

Who the hell knows what would have become of him, of Tara, had his father died in that accident? He knows by now her leaving was almost inevitable, with the way he'd been dealing with shit practically since they were kids- by drowning out his emotions in her but simultaneously hiding himself away. If she'd have left him, without Opie, without JT and his calm words of wisdom, would he even be here right now?

Somehow, he knows the answer, knows that if things had been different, he'd likely still be under Gemma's protective wing in Charming. He'd be awaiting a lifetime of fulfilling the duties the only other surviving Teller- now the club matriarch- would have set out for him the moment his father became a memory. And as for Tara… Christ, without JT's influence, who knows how lost he'd have been? There's a damn good chance he'd have completely lost his shit the moment she left town, and an even better one that he'd have never grown the balls to take off and find her.

"You still there, Son?"

"Yeah," Jax mutters into the phone. "We're doin' good up here, though, no worries." And as they chat about the club, the SAMTAC guys, the job, he can't help but smile, despite his realizations from a minute before. That shit hadn't happened- his father's just fine, whole and healthy, running the club from Charming the same way he'd been doing since before Jax was born. And Gemma- she's just an old lady.

Speaking of Gemma…

"How's Ma with all this? She doin' okay?" He can hear JT chuckle on the other end of the line.

"Yeah, she's fine. Other than the fact that she's been tryin' to manufacture a reason the whole club needs to head up there- with her, too, of course. Says she needs to meet Lee's old lady, start settin' shit up for some wedding they're throwin' for his daughter- you know your Ma." Jax rolls his eyes. Does he ever.

"Sorry for leaving you there to deal with it-"

"Cut the shit, Son," his father snaps, though not unkindly. "I'll handle your mother. She's always been this way to a point- fiercely protective of the people she loves, doesn't wanna bend an inch, doesn't trust anyone's motives but her own… But I contributed to that just as much as anyone else. She's my responsibility, not yours. You hear?" Jax chuckles.

"Yeah. I got it." He lets a beat go by before he wonders, "But how the hell'd you ever convince her to settle down in the first place?" JT's laughing in his ear before he even finishes the question.

"Hell, I don't know. The baby helped, I can tell you that much." They laugh together before Jax amends,

"No, after that. How'd you convince her it was… I dunno- more than just me, more than all that crazy, I gotta be with you shit you told me about at the hospital? How did you show her you were… real?"Although his father had pointed out a lot of similarities between his parents and he and Tara, that observation had truly hit deep.

"Well, your mother was definitely the pursuer at first." JT laughs briefly, but it quickly dies away as he thinks about his answer. When his voice returns, it's markedly sober. "You know better than anyone, though, that when all that shit changed, it went the wrong direction. We were crazy about each other, it's true, but both of us were even more wrapped up in the club than we were in one another. So wrapped up that we couldn't see how it was changin' us. So I guess a better question would probably be, how the hell do I convince her now, after Mo, after Clay, and all the shit between, that things with us are still solid? Hell, how does she convince me of the same thing?" He sighs, then, "Sorry- I know that's a hell of a lot more than you just asked me."

Actually, Jax is realizing, his father's a lot closer to the heart of the issue than he even knows.

"So, what's this all about, Son?" And it's like the word Son is a trigger, reminding Jax of something else his father had said, not long ago. He'd been dealing with Gemma's reaction to his spat with Kozik and JT had stepped in to intervene. It's club business, Gem. Just one of those things, but it stays between patches. And at once, he's sitting up, the phone pressed to his ear, the words coming before he can stop them- not that he's trying anymore.

"Dad? Can I uh, talk to you? Like… as a brother- a patch?" Silence. Then-

"Meaning…"

"Meaning that what I say here stays between us- it's shit Ma doesn't need to know." It only takes a moment before JT's responding, slowly.

"Go ahead, then."

"It's Tara. I found her. Before we came up here, actually-"

"In Tacoma?" At Jax's answering grunt, JT continues, slowly. "That's why you were so eager to take the trip up there." It isn't a question, but Jax feels like he needs to respond, anyway.

"Not the only reason- I had to get the hell out of Charming, Dad. Be my own man, fix my own shit. But a big part of that is fixing shit with Tara, too."

"You see her?"

"Yeah-" is all he can get out before JT's voice is coming through the earpiece, filled with audible relief.

"Thank Christ. Piney was startin' to lose his damn mind- he cornered Rick Knowles the other day, demanded to know where Tara is, proof she's okay." JT snorts, "Apparently, she didn't even tell her old man where she was headed." And that's a fact Jax knows all too well. "Piney was about ready to call Reno- they've got a guy can work his way into any computer system to get information. Guess they call 'em hackers. Anyway, I got him to cool it for a bit, at least 'til this swap is over. I figured you'd want to be involved. But… I guess I wasn't lying when I told him you wouldn't stop until you found her and made things right."

At this, Jax flinches, a bit. Best he doesn't mention the part where he'd almost given up on them and left her up in Tacoma. Evidently, though, his silence has JT coming to an as-usual astute conclusion.

"I'd ask whether you've worked things out, Son, but I guess I don't need to, do I? Judging by our conversation earlier-"

"I went to see her last night, Dad," Jax interrupts, already ready for this part of the conversation to be over so they can get to what the fuck he's supposed to do to fix it. "She slammed the goddamn door in my face."

The fact that JT's laughing, that Jax's chuckling too, despite himself, has some of the tension leaving his body- as does his father's next question.

"She hit you?"

"Naw," Jax responds, but then wonders, aloud, "Christ, did she?" It had all been such a blur of emotions- he'd certainly felt as if she'd smacked him one or two in the chest. And he finds himself agreeing with JT when he responds-

"Hell, maybe she should've."

"I just- I don't know where to go from here, Dad. We talked, we fought, we hashed it out… And she just doesn't know if she'll ever be able to trust me again. How do we get past that? I know I fucked this up, and it's my fault, but I can't-" Jax swallows, thickly, tries to keep the desperation out of his voice and doesn't know how successful he is. "It's like I can't help but feel betrayed, some, too. She left me, and it finished breaking me- I don't know how the hell we're gonna pick up the pieces. But, I gotta try, 'cause I made her a promise, and I'm not breakin' another one."

Somehow, he feels JT's sigh more than hears it, and it's several long moments before his father's voice comes across the line once again.

"There's no simple answer, Son. There wasn't for me and your mother, and there won't be one for you and Tara. But the worst thing I ever did was give your mother a reason to doubt us- grow that uncertainty, those questions about me, herself, our bond… And once that doubt was there, I made the ultimate mistake of lettin' it fester. And, well, you saw what happened next." JT lets him consider that for a brief moment, and his voice, previously grim, regretful, is all but commanding when it returns. "So whatever it is you think you need to do to win her back, you don't waste any time, don't risk lettin' that doubt continue to creep in. Don't let her spend another second wonderin' just how much you want this to work."

"Right," is all Jax has time to respond, before his father interrupts him once again.

"Which begs the question- why the hell are you at the clubhouse at 9:30 on a Sunday night when your girl's just a ride away?" Jax snorts.

"Could ask you the same thing, Old Man." But JT just chuckles.

"Nah, your Ma and Trini went to Oakland shopping, stopped to see Mary on the way back. I'll be meetin' 'em at home soon's I get done talkin' to you. But you-"

"We talked shit through, like I said. A few times. And eventually, it was like she had nothin' left to say. Like she just didn't know how to… be with me, anymore. I know she still cares- I can tell…" She got a fuckin' tattoo that proves it, he doesn't say. "But she told me she had a test to study for, and then she walked me out. I wanted more'n anything to fight her on it, but-"

"Nope," comes JT's voice. "You did the right thing, leavin' when she told you to. You show her you won't respect her boundaries, that you're not gonna listen when she's tellin' you she needs a minute, you're gonna be in an even deeper hole that you were before. Especially 'cause it's Tara. But that doesn't mean you let her sit and stew on everything you ever did to hurt her, either." As his father's words are along the same lines of what he'd been thinking since the moment she'd walked away from him, Jax finds himself agreeing with this at least.

"I know. She told me I could call her, so we could set up a time to meet up again. I guess that's better than nothin'-"

"Shit, Jackon- then why the hell are you on the damn phone with me?" Jax finds himself smiling at the hint of a grin in his father's voice.

"Yeah, I guess I'd better go."

"Damn right."

"But could you do me a favor?"

"Another one?" His father's voice is somehow both incredulous and teasing at the same time.

"Could you maybe, uh… Keep this to yourself? Not tell Charming? 'Least until I have the chance to get this straightened out. The fewer noses are in our business, the better."

"You got it," JT agrees, snorting. "Hell, I'd probably have to slip Piney a Mickey to stop him haulin' ass up to Tacoma to make sure she's okay."

"Piney ain't the one I'm worried about."

"Yeah, I bet." JT's outright laughing now, but quickly sobers in that way he does when he's about to give his word. "When it comes to this shit, you know I always got your back, Son."

"I know. Thanks, Old Man."

"Love you, Jackson."

"Love you too, Dad."

As Jax presses the red button designed to end the call and stares at the blank screen of the cell phone, he can't help but hear his father's words replay in his ear.

You don't waste any time letting that doubt continue to creep in. Don't let her spend another second wondering just how much you want this to work.

Those words- and the determination they inspire- riding him now, Jax shifts to retrieve the slip of paper with Tara's number from the small night table. Without another thought, without any of the back and forth he'd experienced before his call to the clubhouse, he wastes no time punching in all ten digits. And, he finds, there's no angst, no uncertainty, holding him back as he presses the call button, either. In fact, he feels nothing but his newly-found resolve to prove to her- to himself- that they can get back to who they were before, only better.

Still, as the call connects and begins to ring in his ear, he can't help but stand, swipe a hand down his face, straighten his shirt- as if to to put his best foot forward. The thought of Tara being able to see him through the goddamn phone is at once laughable and a little bit frightening, and he's still rolling his eyes at himself when she picks up.

"Hello?" She sounds just like she had an hour or so ago- minus the sadness and the angst- and maybe plus a bit of confusion about who's calling her so late.

"Hey, Ba- uh, Tara. It's me."

"Jax?" Comes the reply, and Jax lets out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. He's not sure whether it's at the prospect that she still knows his voice or relief that she at least hadn't been expecting some other guy to call. At his name, though, there's a muffled commotion in the background, and he's pressing his ear to the receiver in a futile attempt to listen in before he hears Tara hiss at whoever it is to shut up. Hadn't she said she was studying with someone tonight?

And all the relief he'd felt a moment ago is briefly replaced by an emotion he doesn't have time to analyze too thoroughly before the voice gets louder.

"Hey, Jacksonnnnn-" It's a female voice that, much like the crow eater who'd answered the phone earlier, he doesn't recognize.

"Seriously, Sarah, shut the hell up!"

"Okay, okay… sor-ree!"

There's some more shuffling- and what he can only assume are some thinly veiled threats- but he's too happy Tara's study partner is a girl to think about it much further.

"Jax?" She sounds flustered, a little out of breath the second time she says his name in so many minutes, but Jax doesn't want to waste any more time.

"I told you I'd call. And before you say anything- I know I just left your place an hour or so ago, and I don't wanna rush you or anything… But I didn't wanna let the day end without hearin' your voice one more time." He ignores the muffled squeal in the background from whoever Sarah is, and continues since Tara's not yet said anything. "I also know you're busy 'cause you got some big test comin' up. But there's no way I'm goin' another whole week without seein' you, so I wanted to get on the schedule." He's careful to keep his voice teasing, maybe even a little cocky. No sense in letting her know the nerves he didn't feel earlier were finally beginning to set in now that he's got her here on the phone- now that the possibility that she'll turn him down is more real than ever.

"Yeah, okay," comes her reply, and though it's shorter than he'd have liked- hell, she'd said about four words including his name since she picked up the goddamn phone- at least it isn't a no. "My test's on Wednesday, and I have work study all week. How about… Thursday? After I'm done?"

"Thursday sounds great," He agrees readily- though it's a hell of a lot further away than he'd hoped. Still, he's not pushing his luck and doesn't want to say too much more. Otherwise, he might just give away the fact that his heartbeat's already picking up, his mouth going dry at the possibility that's just presented itself.

"Okay. You know where the quad is?" Wordlessly, Jax nods, before realizing once again that of course she can't fucking see him over the phone.

"Y- Yeah," he croaks, feeling like a fucking dork.

"If you get there at five, I'll walk down the hill and come find you. Okay?" Instantly, he knows what she's doing- that she'd probably picked a very public place for the exact same reasons she insisted on walking him out to his bike earlier that evening. But, he's not really in a position to argue here, either- especially not when her next question is a glaring reminder of just how many times he'd put her second to club business in the past. "Are you sure you can get away so early on a weekday?"

"Don't worry about that- I got it taken care of." Tara doesn't answer for a moment, sending his mind into a brief spiral. Then-

"Okay, well, Thursday it is…" and Jax smirks, not about to let her rush him off the phone- why not call it what it is?

"It's a date, Babe." He thinks he hears her laugh a bit, but her hesitant response speaks volumes.

"It's- I'll see you then, Jax. Bye."

"Bye, Tara."

Exhilarated, Jax tosses the cell phone on the bedside table and flings himself across the bed, feeling like he guesses he should have in high school the first time he called her. Except… their relationship had always been far from traditional- they'd skipped right over angsty phone calls and awkward first dates and had instead fumblingly navigated their evolving relationship together. And now that he thinks about it, he's just as blown away by the day she'd chosen as he is about the path they'd taken to get here.

Thursday is his 20th birthday, and while he's decidedly a long fucking way away from getting his birthday wish, he'll be getting as much as he could hope for- spending the afternoon with his girl. And she is still his girl, he'll make goddamn sure of that.

Jax closes his eyes, and finds- now that he's truly done all he can to win her back, for today at least- that there's little he can do to combat the heavy exhaustion rolling over him. And he falls asleep counting down the hours until he can see her again.

When Tara was a little kid, every year since she can remember- and right up until her mom's illness- her parents had taken her to Fun Town to mark the end of the summer. Since the town had always booked the traveling carnival to align with the first weekend of the school year, every kid in Charming had spent the day on Friday in an excited buzz. But instead of the assortment of rides of questionable safety, the mountains of fried food they'd probably eaten, or even the time she'd undoubtedly spent roaming the midway with Jax and Opie, what's stuck in her mind about that Friday each year is the way time had seemed to simply crawl all day long. Every second that ticked by had seemed like a hundred; every minute they'd spent reviewing last year's lessons for the new year ahead- shit she'd usually loved as a kid- had seemed like hours. It had been the only time a young Tara had found herself staring at the clock posted at the front of the classroom and willing the hands to move faster.

And now, she's nineteen years old and staring at the clock posted above the clinic door, wondering how in the hell only five minutes had gone by since the last time she'd looked.

Worse, she hates herself a little for it. Hates that she's been counting the hours, probably had been since Jax had first called her on Sunday- definitely since he'd called back last night (to make sure I'm on your schedule, Babe, as he put it). Hates that he still has this pull over her, to make her wish the time away until she can see him again- especially since their last interaction, the first in months, had been anything but fulfilling. Most of all, she hates that she's found it hard to continue functioning normally now that she knows he's somewhere in Tacoma, in the same city as her, underneath the same clouds, breathing the same salt air, feeling the same hint of chill in the evening as the sun sinks low.

Tara sighs, closing her eyes for a moment, tries to push away the uncertainties that have been cropping up these last few days, pulling focus from her exams, her work, her fucking ability to sleep… It's just an afternoon in the park, she reasons- something they'd done a hundred times, whether alone or with Donna and Opie, over the course of their ill-fated relationship. Hell, it's something you've done with even Sarah, she rationalizes. It's no big deal.

So why does it seem like such a big fucking deal?

"My God, there's still a half hour to go?" Groaning, Sarah drops, dramatically, into the other rolling chair behind the clinic desk. Snickering to herself at just how closely Sarah's thoughts had matched her own- although for a completely different reason- Tara can only shake her head.

"Thirty minutes isn't bad. I bet if we-"

"Oh, shut it, Knowles- you're as ready to get out of this godforsaken place as I am. Probably even more so, since you've got your hot date with your hot biker." Sarah rolls her head, which had previously been lolling back in an exaggerated faint, towards Tara and narrows her eyes. "Though I still don't know what you were thinking telling him you'd meet him instead of making him pick you up here."

"It's right down the hill, it wouldn't make sense to-"

"Forget making sense! When a man that gorgeous offers to let you wrap yourself around him and actually sit on probably the most precious thing he owns? You accept."

"He didn't-"

"I knowwww, I know he didn't offer. He didn't have the chance. You just had to jump right in there with your totally reasonable suggestion, for your totally rational reasons. I swear, Tara, you're gonna reason yourself right out of letting him sweep you off your feet."

Before Tara can point out one of the many goddamn reasons she can't afford to let Jax sweep her off her anything, something sails past her field of vision and hits Sarah right in the chin. It's a paper football, and both turn to see Chris rolling his eyes at them from just inside the doorway to the exam room hall.

"Leave her alone, Sarah. It isn't her fault you're living vicariously through her date with who's apparently the world's only hot biker, according to you." He appraises them a moment before moving to perch on the edge of the counter. "Though, I don't know why I'm sticking up for you here, Tara- I'm still a little hurt I've never even seen this tattoo, let alone met the guy behind it."

"Sarah hasn't met him. She saw him in the parking lot and hasn't shut up since."

"And trust me- if you'd seen him, you'd know why." And as Sarah starts describing Jax to a surprisingly attentive Chris, Tara can't help but roll her eyes yet again. She is, unfortunately, all too accustomed to hearing girls gush about his looks- though it was usually followed up with all the reasons she, Tara, could never hope to hold his attention. So, she's mildly surprised when Chris merely nods in satisfaction.

"Good. Knowles here deserves someone hot." At Tara's surprised look, he doubles down. "No, I'm serious. I mean look at you; smart, driven, and gorgeous- who wouldn't want that?"

"Gorgeous?" She rolls her eyes and snorts, skeptically.

"Yep. Pretty eyes, pouty lips, great rack, legs for days…" Chris slows to a stop as he notices the way both Sarah and Tara are looking at him. "What? I can't appreciate what's right in front of me? And James Dean better too-"

"James Dean?" Sarah snorts, and all it takes is one look for both she and Tara to burst out into peals of laughter. Chris just smirks and waves them off.

"If you haven't seen Rebel Without a Cause, I don't know what to tell you. Except that Tara makes a pretty decent Natalie Wood." As their laughter dies down, Chris too, sobers, if only a little. "But seriously, Knowles- if this little date goes well, you better bring him by so I have something to go on."

"Since their date consists of meeting up in a park, in public, I think you're gonna have to adjust your expectations of what 'going well' really means."

"Ughhhh," Tara groans, admittedly somewhat dramatically. "Can we please stop talking about this? I'm nervous enough already." And, she's surprised to discover, she really is.

"You've known him since you were a little kid, right? What's there to be nervous about?" Chris asks, and Tara and Sarah exchange a look. If Tara's being honest with herself- at least as honest as she was with Sarah that night- there isn't a time in recent memory that her heart hasn't raced at the thought of just being with him, the prospect of all they need to get past in order to be some semblance of them again.

"She's nervous," Sarah announces, "because he's hurt her a lot and she doesn't know if she can trust him again."

"So you've said, Chris responds, folding his arms. "But I'm gonna need a quick rundown of the whole story." At this Sarah sits up, ramrod-straight, eager to dish the gossip- and Tara's all too happy to let someone else do the talking, for once.

"Well first of all, he broke her heart by not following her up here-"

"Alright, so we hate him. Next."

"Then, he goes and buys her the most perfect gift as an apology-"

"So we love him. And?"

"-but he leaves it on her doorstep and totally takes off-"

"Back to hating him, here."

"-except she found out later it was because he really was at the fair that day and just wanted her to be happy."

There's a pause, and both Tara and Sarah look expectantly at Chris.

"I was waiting for you to finish," he says, drily, gesturing at Sarah to continue. "Go on- that can't be the end."

"Then he comes back and apologizes, begs her to take him back, says he's moving up here. And-"

"Tara doesn't trust that he's for real, yet. Got it." Chris sits back on the countertop, a finger tapping his chin, thinking hard- or at least pretending to.

"Oh but there's more," Sarah says, eyebrows raising deviously. "Tara here agreed to see him today, which you know. But what she didn't realize until she hung up the phone- and I'm talking seconds after she put down the phone- is today's date."

"The date? Why does that matter?"

"It matters because today is the boy's birthday, which adds a whole other level of importance to this date."

"Oh, shit," Chris says, snickering. Then, as Tara drops her head into her hands, he snaps into action. "Wait, wait- it isn't that big a deal. He clearly wants to spend time with you- hell, it's probably all the kid wants for his birthday." Sarah snorts.

"Yeah, that and Knowles here on a silver platter."

"Mmhmm, that too, that too." And Tara can't help but laugh, despite herself.

And while the good company and the laughter provides a welcome distraction, and the last half an hour goes blessedly quick, by the time Tara's gathering her bag to leave, it feels like her stomach is in knots.

"Have a good time, Knowles. And bring him up here as soon as you can so we can make sure he's worthy." Ignoring her eye roll, Chris folds her into a quick hug, then wanders off towards the back to punch out. Sarah's next, and she takes a moment to really look at her, friendly brown eyes searching her own.

"I know I give you a lot of shit, it's just who I am. But um… I just want you to be happy, you know that, right?" Tara smiles.

"Of course I do. And thanks for that."

Sarah pulls her into a hug, too, just like Chris had. But it's her whisper- "Give him a chance, Tare. Maybe he'll surprise you." that is still floating in her mind long after she's left the clinic behind.

She'd wrestled with the urge to call Jax back Sunday night and tell him something had come up, suggest earlier in the week instead. After all, she'd rationalized, he'd been celebrating birthdays with SAMCRO since he was a little kid- and now, he had a whole other group of guys up at SAMTAC who would undoubtedly be willing to tie one on in honor of the new guy. And what had she really offered him besides a few hours in a park or a walk around campus- and how the hell could she ever hope to compare to a clubhouse full of rowdy bikers, a half-dozen half-naked women, and a fully stocked bar?

Still, he'd readily agreed to the day… but even so, she can't help but feel her nerves ratcheting up another notch. Especially since, despite what her friends seem to think, Jax would not be "unwrapping" her tonight.

Pushing those thoughts away in favor of taking in her surroundings, Tara halts as the sidewalk splits at the park's entrance. The green space is dotted with students on this gorgeous early fall afternoon, some of them posted up alone against the trees scattered around the edges, many more gathered in mid-sized knots of humanity, talking, laughing, tossing a frisbee.

And still, she spots Jax almost instantly, her eye drawn to him as it always had been. He's stretched out beneath the largest tree- her favorite- a blanket roll tucked under his head, reading. A wave of nostalgia washes over her as she waits there, content just to watch him for a moment. It's a scene that's both familiar and beloved, and she can almost see Jax lounging beneath their tree on the Wahewa reservation, reading, grinning up at her and pulling her down for a kiss.

At the same time, though, she's met with the oddly novel sensation of having him here- really here- in this everyday reality she'd become accustomed to navigating without him. It's both bizarre and exhilarating, she finds, having the ability, at long last, to simply walk across the grass and find him there, waiting for her. And so, as her feet, almost unbeknownst to her, start moving once again, that's exactly what she does.

Jax looks up as she approaches and immediately scrambles to his feet, dropping the book atop the blanket. Instantly, he breaks into that gorgeous, real smile she's always hoped he saved just for her; the one free of the arrogance or exaggerated confidence he's so often displayed for others. And somehow, the knowledge that he's truly just happy to see her has the last of her nerves, about their situation, about his birthday, dissolving away into nothing.

"Hey," he says, his easy smile deepening a bit as he tilts his head up in greeting in that way only he can.

"Hey," she replies, biting her lip so her own smile doesn't strain her cheek muscles. And she can't help but melt a little, despite her consistent reminders to herself not to get caught up in his shit, as he reaches down to capture her hand and brings it up to his lips like he's done a thousand times before. "Happy birthday," she adds, and now his lips are curving against her fingers as he looks up, sending her a wink.

"Thanks, Babe." He clears his throat and gives her fingers a squeeze before releasing them, then shoves his own hands into his pockets. "So, uh… what do you wanna do?"

"Looks like you were already reading," she teases, surprised at how easily they're falling back into their rhythm, especially considering all that's come between them- and how differently their conversation had gone just a few days ago. He blushes, focuses his attention on his tennis shoes, and looks adorably uncertain for a moment before nodding at the tattered paperback he'd left on the blanket- one she suddenly recognizes as one she'd read, then given him. "Different Seasons?"

"I've been pickin' it up when I got time here and there," he says, shrugging, and she smiles, remembering the day she'd tucked the book into his backpack. He'd been sitting on the edge of their bed in the garage apartment, fresh out of the shower, his hair dampening his collar as he tied his Nikes. She'd slid from under the covers, snatching the book from the shelf by her side of the bed, then pressed up behind him and laid a few wet kisses on his neck, halting his progress. "Babe, you keep that up, I'm gonna miss this run," he'd groaned, but leaned into her just the same. And though she'd been tempted to continue distracting him until he dove back under the covers with her, she'd held the book up instead.

"Something to remember me by, then." He'd leaned over to kiss her properly, then smirked and cocked an eyebrow.

"Babe, when it comes to the shit about you I keep up here-" he'd tapped a finger to his temple "-I don't think what's in that book is gonna hold a candle to what we just spent the last hour doin'." She'd blushed and smiled, but shook her head at him anyway.

"I'm serious, Jackson- you'll like this one. It's a collection of short stories, and my favorite one was made into one of my favorite movies." He'd glanced at the front cover, then.

"Stephen King, huh?"

"He doesn't just write horror. Actually, he's got a whole other pseudonym-"

"Yeah, Bachman, I know.' He'd returned, grinning.

"Know-it-all."

"You're one to talk…" He'd shook his head and kissed her again for good measure before bending to finish with his shoes. "Okay, Babe, I'll read your book. But you better make it worth my while."

"Just read it, Jackson… and let me know what you think of The Body."

Smiling at the memory, even as she wishes they were back there, somehow, Tara bends to pick up the book.

"How far have you made it?"

"Through most of the first two stories so far- it's crazy that whole long-ass movie was based on a short story," he says earnestly, and Tara smiles.

"Told you you'd like it- you always loved The Shawshank Redemption. But wait til' you get to the third one. That one was made into an even better movie- Stand By Me."

"No shit?" Jax looks genuinely surprised, and Tara can't help but feel that familiar spark of pleasure at having shared something with him. "Guess I'll have to see for myself," he finishes, smirking and plucking the book out of her hands. That settled, Tara turns her attention to what isn't settled- exactly what they plan on doing, here.

"So… I have some studying to do. Would you uh, be opposed to staying right here?" Jax grins and bends to grab the blanket. She watches as he deftly unrolls it, shakes it out, and guides her to sit down.

"Noplace in the world I'd rather be, Babe."

The next thirty minutes go by in relative silence, Jax propped up against the tree with his book in his hands, and Tara lying across from him, her own textbook resting against her backpack. She can't help but revisit the sensation she'd had earlier- that mixture of nostalgia and novelty that them being here, together, under this tree seems to evoke. It's a heady mixture that has her wishing she could shift until she's lying alongside him where she's not sure she still belongs.

Because, sure, they've done this a hundred times before- usually underneath "their'' tree, but also at parks, open spaces, hell, even backyards scattered across Charming and northern California. But doing the same here, in the midst of what's become her territory, is at once comforting and distracting, even though they're a hell of a lot further apart- both physically and otherwise.

Subsequently, Tara finds that instead of studying for- what was it again?- Physics, she's peering over her book to study Jax. He's as handsome today as ever, the speckling of blonde hairs lining his strong jaw even more prominent today in the sunlight than they had been in her apartment, the clear blue of his eyes alternating with the sandy smudges of his lashes as he moves down each page, his full lips occasionally moving, forming themselves around words she can't decipher, those big hands handling her book the way they'd once handled her-

Jesus Christ, Knowles…

Irritated with the direction her thoughts are taking- a constant problem since he's arrived in Tacoma- Tara focuses once again on the page in front of her. Sample size . Focus.

She's almost managed to finish the last paragraph on the page before her eyes, without her permission, are once again traveling up and over the top edge of her book. Only this time, they meet Jax's blue ones. Quickly, willing away the redness creeping its way up her cheeks, her own snap back to the sentence she'd been reading. But a minute or so later, damn it, she meets his eyes again. And this time, she can't help but hold his gaze.

Jax doesn't seem embarrassed at all, to be caught watching her, doesn't make his excuses, or pretend he'd been about to direct her vision somewhere else. Instead, he simply rests his book facedown on his knee and gestures towards the textbook and backpack she'd brought.

"This what you usually do after work on Thursdays, then?" Confused for a moment, Tara just looks at him. "Studying, I mean," he clarifies.

"Yes, um- well… sort of?" Smooth, Tara. "I mean, usually I have a study group on Thursdays but we just had an exam yesterday, so…" She trails off, shrugging. He nods, affably, as if he's not just learning about her life in Tacoma for the first time- which she appreciates more than he knows.

"Your friend Sarah- she cool?" The abrupt change in subject is again not what she's expecting, so it takes her a moment to respond.

"Yeah, she's cool. I mean, she's no Donna, but she's a good friend. She's um… helped me get out of my own head here, you know?" Instead of probing her further about what that might mean, Jax just laughs and pushes his hair out of his face.

"I meant more… She was at your place the other night when I called, right? After our uh, talk?" Tara just nods, mystified. "Then she's gotta hate me," he decides.

Tara can't help but laugh outright, as the memories of Sarah asking her whether Tara wanted her to love Jax or hate him- and Chris' analysis of the situation- return. Not only does Sarah not hate Jax- she's been swooning over him since Sunday evening, before she even knew who he was. Hell, she's encouraged Tara to give him another chance, more than once. But there's no way she's telling him that shit.

"No, she doesn't hate you. My friends here- they just want me to be happy." And Jax's smile this time is a little sad.

"I know I ain't done a good job of showin' it lately, but I want that too, Tara. I just-" He looks away, briefly, before meeting her eyes once again. "I just want to make you as happy as you've always made me.

That comment alone brings with it a deluge of questions. Did she make him happy, really? Can she do it once again? And though she can't see her own face, if the look he's giving her mirrors her own, he doesn't know what to do with this sudden rush of uncertainty either. So instead, they just take one another in for a moment, until what's left unsaid is as clear as can be. Then, he's reaching to squeeze her hand before picking his book back up again, and shifting to stretch out across the blanket.

This time, Tara lets nostalgia- maybe it's instinct- win, and it's all too natural to stretch out, too, and let herself have what she's been wanting since she saw him there under the tree. By the time she shifts into place, her head in its familiar position on Jax's stomach, book propped against her raised knees, she can't take it back. And as she rolls her head to the side to look at him, she meets his eyes once again. The faintest hint of a smile graces his lips before he returns to his book, and she finds she just has to match it with one of her own.

Book all but forgotten, Tara turns her gaze to the clouds above, slowly pinkening as the sun drifts lower in the sky. She can't help feeling like another tiny piece of her puzzle has clicked into place- is this the start of them returning to being… them? And Tara finds that's what she wants most of all. But she just doesn't know if she'll be able to trust him, or herself, enough to have it.

Jax doesn't know what to do with the silence they've let build up around them, but also marvels at how comfortable he feels within it. Because, as much as he'd always loved talking to her- goading her into debate, getting her all hot and bothered over some point they were disagreeing about before carrying her off so they could relieve their frustrations on each other- they've always been secure in the quiet, too. Always been content just to be together, no matter the circumstances. And he finds that he appreciates being able, today, to just… bask in her presence, without all the drama and discussion of the past several days.

So, from his convenient vantage point, his head propped against his backpack, he satisfies himself by looking down his chest to his midsection, where her silky dark hair is once again spilling across his stomach. He takes a chance- with whatever this is between them, he doesn't know what the rules are, here- and skims a finger over a strand that's fallen into her eyes, drawing it back behind her ear. He's rewarded with a shy glance and a smile before they return to what they'd been doing before- Jax studying Tara as she stares at a giant book of shit that looks like code to him.

If she'd mentioned what the subject was, he doesn't remember- and he can't help but wish for the millionth time that he hadn't fucked things up so badly. If he hadn't, he'd know all those little things about her that Kozik had once warned him would soon become someone else's if he didn't grow a dick and at least try to win her back. He'd know her schedule, her favorite classes, whether her Chemistry professor was a dick, what she does before a final, her routines, her hopes, her dreams. And while he's hoping that all that shit can shift to accommodate him, he counts it as a good sign that she's here at all- a preliminary victory that she's rested her head on his stomach like old times, a fucking win that she hasn't flinched away as his touch. He can only hope it's the first of many steps that will finally lead them back to one another.

As the seconds and minutes turn to nearly an hour, Jax's mind wanders even further as she watches her get absorbed in her studying. Not for the first time, he wonders if she'd chosen today because it's his birthday. If he's being honest with himself, he'd been as taken off-guard by the fact that she'd picked today as he'd been relieved she'd agreed to meet him in the first place.

He's got to admit, this year had been markedly different from all the others, even from the other ones they'd spent together. His sixteenth birthday had been a momentous occasion in more ways than one- both because he'd finally received the bike he'd been dreaming about since he was old enough to walk and because he'd almost immediately taken Tara up to the cabin and practically demanded that they settle shit between them. Or, as it turned out, have what had turned out to be the singular most important conversation of his life, so far- second only to the one they're yet to have where she finally agrees to let him back in.

Jax smiles, remembering how, frustrated, she'd grabbed his shirt and practically molded her mouth to his, showing him instead of telling him what she wanted from their burgeoning relationship. It had been the first time she'd let him touch her intimately, and the beginning of what had turned into a bit of a tradition. Every year after that, they'd made a regular habit of beginning their day hanging out with everyone who cared about him- checking in with Gemma and JT, partying with Opie, Donna, and the club- before inevitably slipping away to be alone. They'd rang in his 17th, 18th, and 19th birthdays either half-drunk, fantastically high, or somewhere in between- but always together and as close as two people could be.

Jax sighs, the slight movement shifting her hair, and all the things he'd give up just to have them all together again fill his mind. Though, surprisingly, in his mind's eye, they're not all together in Charming. The more he experiences life outside of Charming, the more he questions all the shit that had really been holding him there in the first place. But Christ, what he wouldn't give to have plans to meet up with Ope and Donna no matter where they all are, whether they're at the diner on Main Street in Charming or the one over on Pacific. Whether he and Tara are riding out to the reservation or headed down the wilderness highway over White Pass. Hell, he's perfectly fine with stripping her naked in any remote location…

Gritting his teeth to distract himself from the rush of blood heading south, Jax checks his watch. Fuck. It's well after dinnertime, and he's got Church- as much as he'd rather blow it off and spend as much time with Tara as she'd let him. But he's quickly realizing he's got as much shit to prove to SAMTAC as he does Tara, especially if he wants to transfer to be near her- and he's gotta make this work, both for himself and for her.

"Hey, Babe?" As she turns her head to look at him, it truly hits him just how long he's been waiting to say that word and have her respond- another sign he might actually be able to do this, get them back to solid ground. "I hate to do this, but I got Church tonight." He smiles a bit as he watches the disappointment flash across her face, though she's careful to cover it with her own smile a moment later. "Besides, it's startin' to get dark, and I don't want you walkin' back by yourself." As he'd expected, never one to be patronized, Tara sits up and rolls her eyes in protest.

"It's not that far, Jax. And Tacoma's safe- I'm fine on my own." Not needing to hear about how well she can manage without him, he shoots her a wry grin.

"Tough shit. I'm givin' you a ride back to your car, wherever it is." The look she shoots him as she slides her book back into her bag is inscrutable.

"Like I said, it's only a couple blocks. You'll barely need to throttle up." And what does it say about him that even at her most stubborn, hearing her talk bikes has him shifting to adjust himself? Thankfully, she turns her attention to her backpack.

"Then I'll walk you," he returns once he's got himself in order- and this time, her eye roll is accompanied by a reluctant smile.

"You really don't have to do this, Jax," she says, once she has her things together and is waiting on him to roll up the blanket.

"I know I don't have to," he says, not meeting her eyes for a moment. But then he can't help but finish the thought- "But I want to." And her smile in response has him doing all he can to resist pulling her into him and kissing her senseless.

They walk slowly as Jax can manage, not wanting his time with her to come to an end. He spends the first span of it, from the grass to the sidewalk, fighting the urge to slip his hand into hers, unsure exactly where they stand even minutes removed from her head resting inches away from his groin. Worse, just as these last few hours have passed like mere minutes, the blocks between the park and her Cutlass now seem like just a few steps. But he has a little time as they chat about nothing- the weather, the ride down from the clubhouse- to notice once again just how familiar, how comfortable this is. As they head up the street, he lets himself imagine that they're headed off to take a ride somewhere, instead of to her car so they can separate yet again.

But once they're there, standing next to the passenger door of Tara's Cutlass, Jax finds himself searching for something- anything- to say to keep her with him for just a few more moments- even though he's the one who has somewhere to be. And as a result, she surprises the hell out of him when, instead of sliding behind the steering wheel, she reaches into her small shoulder bag and extracts a small box.

"Happy birthday, Jax," she murmurs, so softly he wouldn't have heard her- except she's reaching up to press a brief kiss on his cheek. Then, she's pressing the box into his hands and taking a step back to look at him, expectantly. He tries to stop his hands from shaking- thinks he does a passable job despite the rush of questions and emotions currently flooding his mind- and lifts the lid to find a sleek, shiny Zippo, almost identical to the dented silver one he habitually carries in his kutte pocket. Except this one's just that important bit different, with its golden sheen and what's obviously Mount Rainier engraved on its surface- Tahoma engraved in script beneath it. Grinning, he raises his eyes to meet Tara's, who's biting her lip a bit nervously.

"I know it's not much, but… it made me think of you, and what you said the other day, and…" Trailing off, she shrugs, sheepishly. "The locals call it Tahoma instead of Mount Rainier, so I thought if you were gonna stay, you needed something that…fit."

"It's great," Jax returns, honestly- and it is. Sure, it's practical, but even though that might not have been what she meant when she said it, this fits what they are right now. It's every bit him and her- a meshing of what he is and who she's grown to be here in the shadow of that very mountain. And he damn sure plans to be a fuckin' local. So in the end, all he can say is just that. "Thanks Babe, I love it."

"Well…" And just when he's sure for a second time that she's about to say her goodbyes, Tara blows him away once again. "Do you ever just… I dunno…" she averts her eyes, usually a sure sign she's thinking, hard, about what she's about to say, "Get away?" Jax's heart stops, his stomach suddenly at his feet, and she must have noticed the look he cut her because she's quickly stammering, "No, no- not like that. I mean…" Frustrated, Tara pushes her hair out of her eyes. "Sometimes you just need to… go, you know? Get away and-"

"Take a ride?" Jax finishes, her meaning dawning on him just in time. And they're grinning at one another in mutual understanding by the time she nods. "You know it, Babe. So… maybe next time we do this, I pick you up- wherever you want- and we just… go?" Biting her lip, Tara's smiling shyly up at him as she nods.

"Okay."

And suddenly, it doesn't matter where they once were, or whether they'll ever get back there- where they're going, together, has the potential to be even better. So, Jax finds he has a bit of his confidence back as he places a hand on her hip in the pretense of leaning around her to open the Cutlass door- and God knows he can't resist dropping a kiss on her cheek as he straightens. But when those green eyes are staring up at him, cutting right through to his heart as they always have, he's helpless to fight the pull he feels back to her. Though he keeps his left hand positioned chastely on her hip, his right cradles her cheek- still a deep pink from her reaction to the kiss he'd just placed there.

And he's no more able to stop what comes next than he can stop the Earth from turning- though as their lips touch, that's exactly what he feels must be happening. Her lips open to his almost immediately, and the soft sound she makes joins his own, reassures him that this is right- he hasn't pushed her too far. He draws her closer to him, presses her against him, gently, while he takes his time exploring her mouth with his own. And when it's too much- when he's almost sure after so many long months that he might even lose it in his jeans right there- he takes one last taste of her lower lip, then drops another kiss there, almost in apology. Though he's not entirely sure whether he's sorry he'd almost lost control of himself in the deserted clinic parking lot, or sorry he hadn't.

Eyes still closed, Jax drags his lips across hers once, twice more, then lets his hand drift down her cheek, down her arm until he finds her fingers. Squeezing them, he finds he just has to raise them to his lips, much as he did when he saw her crossing the grass towards him a few hours earlier. His next words, too, are more of a foregone conclusion than anything he's planned.

"When can I see you again?"

It's her answering "Soon" that has him kissing her again- then once more- before he makes his own promise.

"I'll call you tonight after Church."

And this time, though it's just about the last thing he wants to do right now, Jax is the one to turn and walk away. If the warmth of Tara's gaze on his back as he trudges back to his bike is his imagination, he's more than okay with that.

**A/N- Apologies once again for the span of time between updates. As you can see, though, I'm still here, writing their story. No promises, but the outline for the next is already complete, and I have a decent start at writing it. I hope you enjoy this sort of intermediary chapter- at least they're making progress! Please let me know what you think. Thanks as usual to Ang R, my beta and brainstorming partner. **