Author's Note: CW emetophobia

X

It was strange adjusting back to everyone being in Hogwarts. All day Sunday, Remus felt crowded and itchy. He stuck close with the Marauders, except for the brief Hogsmeade visit. Sirius and Peter went into Hogsmeade while James and Remus stayed behind. The mirrors worked perfectly from that distance, and once that was confirmed James headed into Hogsmeade too. Remus stayed in the dorm, going over his friends' homework and fixing most of the mistakes.

The evening was spent trying to convince James and Sirius not to let the jarvey that had been found in Hogsmeade loose in the library, but they did anyway and the next morning there was a notice saying the library was temporarily closed for pest control.

"Not our fault," James said when Remus gave him a glare. "One jarvey is hardly a pest."

He was too tired to argue, and simply trudged on to Potions. It was a struggle to stay awake during the lesson, and even more so to try to get through the History lesson afterwards. He fell asleep during the free period and wound up missing Defense Against the Dark Arts, so he left a note in the dorm saying he had gotten a letter from his father saying his mother was very ill and he needed to go home for a few days; then he went to the hospital wing, hoping to sleep, however Madame Pomfrey took him to the house right away.

There he slept soundly until the late afternoon sunset. He woke up when he felt the pull, groggily trying to get his clothes off before the transformation. But it never came. He managed to get everything off and curled up in Peter's blanket in front of the fire, Sirius's dragon against his chest, shivering for a while until he fell asleep again.

The clouds covered the moon all night and when Pomfrey got him in the morning, she told him how relieved she was. Apparently, she had been worried because of the previous full moon. Remus blinked a few times before realizing what she meant. He had been too exhausted the previous day to even think about it, but that day whenever he was awake it was all he could think about. As morning turned into afternoon, he kept reaching down and rubbing the leg that had grown back, terrified he'd rip it off again that night.

But that night was another one of no transformations. As was the third. The entire thing had passed without any problem, which relieved him. He deserved it. A little break. Even though his bones ached from the lack of transformation and the wolf was agitated from being locked up.

The wolf made him rather grumpy too, and when he got ready to return to classes on Thursday he figured he'd have to work hard not to get snappy with anyone. He knew his patience was going to be put to the test when he left Arithmancy and found Sirius and Peter waiting for him, both with concerned expressions.

"Oh thank Merlin," Peter breathed out when Remus emerged from the door.

"What's going on?"

Sirius seized his arm. "Maybe you can talk some sense into him. And by talk some sense into him, I mean tell him it's awful."

"Awful," echoed Peter.

Remus was dragged along without anything else being said. He struggled against Sirius's hold. "What? James? Is it a prank he wants to do?"

"I wish it was a prank," Peter said. "It's worser."

"Not a prank," Sirius grumbled. "Unfortunately."

"What is going on? You need to tell me if you expect me to do anything about it." He finally wrenched free and planted his feet into the ground, folding his arms. "What did James do?"

Sirius and Peter exchanged looks. "Erm." Sirius raked his fingers through his hair. "Apparently, he decided that he should start wearing cologne."

"What's wrong with that?" Remus asked, since several boys in their year were wearing cologne as well. He personally hated it because some of them tended to drench themselves in it more than they should (and some girls did the same with perfume), and that bothered his nose… however it wasn't any of his business. He had dreaded the day the other Marauders might start wearing it; hopefully James wasn't dumping it all over himself.

"It. Stinks!" Peter huffed out, throwing his arms out, nearly whacking Remus in the face.

"It stinks so bad," Sirius muttered.

Remus frowned. "How bad?"

"I want to throw up!" Peter said. "He started Tuesday when it arrived and—ohhh! I can't, I can't, I can't!"

Remus looked at Sirius for confirmation, and he nodded. "I really hate to say it, but the Slytherins smell better than him."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Remus slipped his fingers into his sleeve and began scratching at his wrist. "So, erm, why do I have to talk to him? Why can't you?"

"Because you're better at that sorta thing," Peter said brightly. Too brightly.

"Peter, I am literally the most socially awkward Marauder," he replied flatly. "So why me?"

Sirius let out a groan. "The thing is… when he started wearing it he asked us how we liked it."

"And he was so excited an' happy…" Peter trailed off and neither said anything else.

"You lied to him," Remus said and both nodded. "Now you don't want to burst his bubble and instead make me the bad guy?"

Sirius slipped an arm around him, pulling him close. "Not the bad guy, Remy my dear. Simply tell him it's too much for your nose to handle." With that Sirius tapped the tip of Remus's nose. "He'll stop and we'll all be in the clear."

"The air will certainly be clear," Peter added.

Remus scratched at his wrist again, feeling a headache coming on. It was too soon after the full moon for this sort of thing. He felt annoyed, grouchy, and wanted to tell them to button their robes up and do it themselves. Except… he couldn't. So, sighing, he agreed.

James was waiting outside the Muggle Studies classroom and when he spotted his friends, a huge grin split his face. "Remus!" He ran over and flung his arms out, pulling Remus into a hug.

Remus choked slightly as the horrific scent clogged his nostrils. It was a sort've smoky, woodsy type of scent with hints of some kind of… cheese? Or maybe sweat? Old socks? He wasn't quite sure but he knew it was sickening. He stared wide-eyed over James's shoulder at Sirius and Peter who were nodding gravely; Sirius flapped his hands in a 'go on' manner.

"Erm—"

"How's your mother?" James asked cheerfully. "Better?"

"M-much." It was all he could do not to cover his nose. "That—"

"Come on, you lot took forever getting him, class is about to start." James bounced into the room before Remus could say anything.

"Told you," Pete hissed.

"Bloody hell, what is that?" Remus moaned as he crept into the classroom to his usual seat. Once there he tried to get the courage again, and twisted in his chair. "James, that—that smell—"

James looked up, beaming. "You noticed? It's my new cologne. Isn't it neat?"

"Ah—"

"Kinda expensive too."

Remus swallowed. "Where did you… get it?"

"Ordered it overseas," James said happily. "From New York. I mean, I ordered it before I left. They were out but sent some as soon as they got new in. They had a sample, of course, and I just love it, don't you? It's brilliant. If you wanna use some sometime, let me know."

"No," Remus said quickly and James frowned. "I'm not—I'm not much of a c-cologne guy, I think."

James nodded and then Lewis started the lesson before Remus could say anything else. He ignored the disapproving glare of Sirius as he twisted back to face the front of the room, clenching his teeth as he tried to take in shallow breaths. James was obviously very happy with that hellish scent. How was Remus supposed to do this without hurting his feelings? This wasn't an accidental thing. James knew what it smelled like before he bought it, and loved it and now—now what?

Curse Sirius and Pete for putting me in this predicament, he thought miserably, rubbing his forehead and wishing he was still in the hospital wing. He was too tired.

After class, James started talking about a new prank idea while Remus walked a little aways from him, trying to avoid standing 'downwind' so to speak. Peter tried to shift the conversation back to the cologne by asking James if it was very expensive. James said it was, but it was worth it. Sirius and Peter both stared at Remus who kept his head down and his mouth shut. James was happy. He could bear a horrible, disgusting, sick-inducing scent for the sake of his friend, couldn't he?

No. He held his breath as James flung an arm around him as he began talking about the prank again. He did his best not to breathe until James moved away but he kept talking, and soon Remus ran out of air. He sucked some in through his mouth but that was a mistake since he could practically taste it. He began coughing and pulled away from James, doubling over with a hand over his mouth as he tried to keep the bile down.

"Merlin, Remus, whatever is the matter?" Sirius asked in a drawn out sort of way.

Remus straightened up, seeing James's worried face before looking at Sirius's annoyed one. "I'm still recovering from my trip," he croaked out. "It was very tiring."

"Do you need to go take a nap?" James asked, while behind him Sirius was angrily pointing at him and mouthing words that looked like they could rival Weasley's foul language.

"Yes, actually, that is a good idea," Remus said. "I'll see you later."

He disentangled himself from his friends and took off before any of them could stop him. It didn't take long to get far enough away to where the air he breathed was regular, clean, non-cologne-y Hogwarts air. What is that? He leaned against a wall for a moment, rubbing his nose. Who in their right mind would come up with that scent? Or buy it?! Why did James buy it?

Maybe it's a test, he thought as he headed to the Gryffindor tower. He purposely picked something awful to see if we'd be honest with him. Except while James was a good actor, Remus was pretty good at telling when he was lying and he hadn't been lying when he talked about the cologne and how much he liked it—loved it.

In the dorm room was a large bottle of cologne sitting proudly on James's bedside table. Remus went over and read the bottle carefully, trying to figure out the ingredients or what made it stink. It was called First Quidditch Game which explained why it stunk: it was sports-related and probably had sweat in it or something.

He put the bottle back and curled up in bed, sleeping on and off until Sirius showed up with some food. Lunch was almost over and they had Transfiguration soon. Remus sat up, thanking him—until Sirius pulled the tray out of reach.

"You lied."

"I—I haven't found the right words yet!" he protested. "I'll talk to him!"

"Promise?"

"On my honor as a Marauder."

Sirius hummed, then handed Remus the food, sitting next to him on the bed. "It's disgusting. I think maybe someone figured out how to bottle up dirty troll feet or something."

"Please," Remus moaned, "not while I'm eating."

He grinned. "What? The cologne or dirty troll's feet?"

"Both."

As soon as he was done with the sandwich, he washed his hands and the two of them headed to class where Peter was furious that he had been left alone with 'that stink'. He grabbed Remus's sleeve, asking him quietly if he really was going to say something or not. Remus nodded, his stomach turning both from the thought of hurting James and also from the stench coming from him. He intended to talk to him after Transfiguration, however McGonagall asked Remus to stay behind for a moment.

Once the door was shut, she asked how he was doing; how things had gone during the full moon and how he was dealing with missing the first few lessons of the year. She said he knew he had anxiety over missing classes so she wanted to make sure he wasn't too stressed out, which was nice. She also told him that Professor Charlemagne had a small test on the first day back, and that Remus would need to speak to him sometime that day to schedule a makeup. By the time they were done chatting it was time for Charms, and Remus managed to avoid confronting James a bit longer. He truly was going to say something after Charms but…

"Whoo, you stink, Potter," Fox said as some of the Slytherins brushed past them once Flitwick let them go.

"What do you know?" James demanded. "You wouldn't know refined taste if it bit you on the nose."

"That certainly bites the nose," Snape said, waving his hand in front of his face.

James whirled on him. "Your nose is a big enough target, Snivellus. Bugger off. Ugh, Slytherins," he groaned after they left. "They're all mental. Their idea of a good cologne is probably rolling in hippogriff shit."

Remus held his tongue, ignoring the raised eyebrows from the other two Marauders.

"You know," James continued, "we should really—"

"Do something about them," Sirius finished for him. "We should. But first, Remus wanted to tell you something." He grabbed Remus and pushed him in front of James who waited expectantly.

"Er—"

"Yes?"

"It's—it's—it's about—about your cologne," he managed to get out while fantasizing about pushing Sirius into some hippogriff shit.

James frowned. "What is it?"

"Ahhrrr… errrrm. Well. The thing is. The—well, see, you…"

"Yeah?"

Remus swallowed. "I think maybe you did put a little too much on today. It does seem strong. At least to me. Of course, that's probably because of—errr—you know." He shrugged, feeling guilty for being dishonest. But he knew he'd feel guiltier for hurting James's feelings. It was a frustrating situation.

James's forehead wrinkled, concern flooding his face which made Remus feel even worse. "Blimey, I didn't even think about that. Sorry, mate, I'll use a little less tomorrow."

"Mhm," Remus replied, defeated.

He felt even worse when Sirius seized his elbow a moment later. "Seems strong?" he hissed out. "A little less? You're supposed to convince him to stop using it completely, not just use a little less."

"It isn't fair you've made me the one to do this!" Remus yanked his elbow away. "I can't! He's too happy about it. You do it."

"I can't, I already lied."

"Then—then unlie, or—well—I don't know, but I can't." He shook his head. "Maybe if he does use a bit less it won't be so bad."

Sirius sighed, pushing his hair back. "Perhaps. We can only hope."

X

The next morning Remus woke up feeling a little hopeful, until they sat down in the Great Hall and he realized 'a little less' meant James was still very smelly. By the look on Sirius and Peter's faces, they agreed too. Peter and Remus plotted all the way to Potions class about what to do. Peter suggested chucking the whole bottle out and blaming Spinnet, which Remus vehemently disagreed with. The dorm didn't need another fight. Remus's idea was to maybe add something to the cologne to make it less disgusting… however he didn't know what. Peter said he'd try to figure it out since that was more of a Potions sort of thing, and not exactly in Remus's realm of knowledge.

After Potions, Peter filled Sirius in on the plan while Remus walked ahead with James, forcing a smile on his face while he tried not to gag. At least the slightly less cologne meant he wasn't on the verge of emptying his cauldron.

During the free period before Defense, Peter and Remus went to the library under the pretense of studying. James called them both weird and went off with Sirius to cause some trouble.

In the library, they scoured the shelves for potions that worked like cologne; after all, that's all cologne really was. Remus wrote down the few ingredients he could remember from the bottle and then after ten minutes of them sitting with a pile of books, he let out a groan.

"It won't work."

"How do you know?" Pete asked.

"I mean, it probably would work," Remus amended, "however… James will notice the change. I wasn't thinking about that part of it. Only our noses."

Peter's face fell. "Oh, fire crab poop. You're right." He folded his arms on the table and buried his head in them. "I guess we're stuck until he runs out. Maybe we can tip a lil out each night? Not much, but maybe make him run out a little quicker."

"Then he orders another and we're still stuck," Remus sighed and Peter made muffled sounds of annoyance. "Perhaps he'll tire of it. Want a different scent or something. Or get tired of putting it on every day."

"He's bloody proud of it!" Peter looked up with a scowl. "He won't get bored of it anytime soon. What about that spell you got in trouble over? The one to block smells?"

"No," Remus said quickly, shuddering at the memory. "I'm not risking that happening again. We'll figure something out. Or… have to live with it, I suppose. Or…"

Pete looked hopeful. "Or?"

"Or tell him the truth."

"Or get someone else to tell him?"

Remus shook his head. "No, he'll dismiss it like he did with the Slytherins, even if it's someone he likes, like one of his team—oh!"

"Oh?"

He perked up. "The Quidditch team! Surely they'll hate the smell too, and tell him. He'll listen to them."

"We can get Sirius to tell Cassie to suggest it," replied Peter.

Remus slowly closed the book in front of him, trying to ignore the uncomfortable squiggly feeling inside of him that still happened hearing their names linked so close together. "Good idea."

X

Remus stayed behind in Defense to do his makeup test, which didn't take long at all. He zipped through until he reached the bit about werewolves, and then his quill paused.

Name three differences between a normal wolf and a werewolf in its wolf form

Name three ways that could help repel a werewolf during a full moon

Name the division and department that oversees the werewolf registry at the Ministry of Magic

Who founded the werewolf register and in what year?

Remus stared at the questions until they became blurs. His knuckles went white as he clutched the quill, and he remained like that until the quill snapped. Charlemagne glanced up and Remus jumped a little, blinking as he let go of the quill.

"Ah—"

"It is fine." Charlemagne brought another anti-cheat quill over, glancing at the paper as he did. "I see. Are you all right?"

"Yes, sir," Remus mumbled, dipping the new quill in the ink and putting the tip against the paper.

The werewolf's snout is shorter than that of a regular wolf, he carefully wrote, wondering how long his own snout was. A werewolf's eyes are more human. Did he have his amber eyes in wolf form? A werewolf's tail is tufted. Should he be more descriptive? Did it matter since only Charlemagne would see it?

A loud explosion might scare a werewolf away, however it would need to be quite large, loud, and close to the werewolf. He began sucking on the quill without thinking. Silver can also be used as weapons against werewolves, as it is one of the few ways to ensure a werewolf's death. He doubted that's what Charlemagne meant but it was the only thing in his head. A powerful knockback jinx could possibly give the caster time to get away. He did remember that one from the lesson.

He finished the other two questions, glad to move on away from those. A couple of minutes later he began relaxing again and soon after that he finished the test. He double and triple checked it before giving it back to Charlemagne, who thanked him for his time.

"If it helps, your three friends got the answers to those questions wrong," he said, tucking the paper into his desk. "They don't seem to know much about werewolves."

Remus nodded. "That's good. Thank you."

He asked them about it after lunch, on the way to Herbology. Peter said he couldn't remember anything anyway, while James and Sirius both said they purposely got things wrong.

"You shouldn't do that," Remus sighed, tightening his cloak as they stepped outside into the frigid air. "Being too… ignorant about it might be suspicious too. If you know the answer then write it down."

"But I didn't," Peter mumbled.

"It's all right, I don't think—" Remus quickly stopped himself.

Peter looked up from under the brim of his woolen hat. "You don't think it's suspicious I don't know the answers," he stated, and Remus slowly nodded, blushing a bit. "It's okay." Though Pete did sound a little sad.

At least in the greenhouse, James's cologne was masked by all the plants, dirt, and fertilizer, so it wasn't too bad. Care of Magical Creatures was also outside, since Kettleburn was showing them some animals that lived in colder temperatures.

Quidditch practice had started up again, so after Ancient Runes, as Remus and Lily left the classroom together, he thought at least James would get a shower and they'd be fine for the evening. At the Great Hall, Lily paused and asked Remus if he wanted to watch the rest of the practice.

"It's only half an hour, unless they go over," he said, not really wanting to go back out into the cold. Lily shrugged. "No, thank you."

So he sat alone, or intended to sit alone. Almost as soon as he took his seat, Longbottom and O'Kelley sat with him. He looked up in surprise since none of them had spoken to him since the holidays ended; he figured they didn't want to be seen with a third year.

"We noticed you were gone for a few days," Longbottom said amiably. "Are you all right?"

"Erm, y-yeah, my—my mother was ill," he lied.

"Is she all right?" O'Kelley asked, eyes full of concern.

Remus nodded, lowering his gaze. "Yes. Thank you." He wasn't sure what else to say. He felt as awkward as he did when they first started talking. It was different with everyone back, even though when he glanced around he realized nobody was looking at them except for one girl who was staring dreamily at Longbottom.

"She's done it again!" All of them jumped as Alice slammed her plate down next to Remus and took a seat. "Lily. She's off watching practice again, isn't she?"

He swallowed his bite of food. "Yes."

"She told me we would—" Alice stopped, realizing there were two others with them. "Oh, hello."

"Hi," they both said.

Alice blinked behind her glasses. "Did I interrupt something?"

"No, we were only checking to see if Lupin was all right," Longbottom said, swinging his legs out from the bench. "We'll go. We'll see you later, Lupin," he added before he and O'Kelley walked off.

"New friends?"

Remus ducked his head. "They kept me company during the holidays."

"That's nice of them," she said with a nod. "Anyways, Lily got a new magazine in today and she said we'd look at it during supper. We haven't been able to look at it yet, and I'm dying to see the list."

"The… list?"

Alice took a big bite of potatoes. "Mmm. Yef." She chewed and swallowed. "1973's top cutest wizards list." Remus raised his eyebrows and Alice blushed a little. "Oh, I don't care about that, really, but Lily and Cassie are both convinced Ulfeth Kaeso is going to be number one, and I disagree because he seems rather pompous."

"I don't really like his music," he admitted.

"Yes, I agree. It is all right, I suppose, but not the best. I don't know why they're so popular." Alice pushed her glasses back up and sighed. "Cassie and I have a bet about it, that's why I'm so anxious to see it."

"Why didn't you look at it earlier?" Remus asked, curious. "Didn't it come this morning?"

She shook her head. "No, it comes by special delivery in the afternoon, that's why we haven't seen it. Ah, well."

Practice did go over, and by the time Remus met up with the others James had taken a shower… and put more of the cologne on. The plan to get Cassie and possibly the team to convince him not to wear it didn't work out. She disagreed with Sirius that it was 'a hellish stench' and said it wasn't any of her business. If the Marauders didn't like it, they should tell him.

The evening dragged on for far too long, and James seemed a little disappointed when nobody else wanted to stay up too late. Sirius said he had a headache from not wearing his reading glasses, Peter said he wanted to get up early to try and get a photograph, and Remus said he was still very tired from visiting his mother. He reluctantly went to bed at the same time the others did, and Remus sat up with his wand lit to read well into the night.

Amelia crouched in the little herbologist's hut, arms wrapped around herself as she stared at the dirt floor. "He put Johnny in danger," she sniffled. "I put him in danger."

Theodore knelt next to her. "No, it isn't your fault."

"He is after us though. Johnny—oh, my Johnny—could have been killed!"

Despite the situation, Theodore smiled. "Your Johnny?" he asked.

Amelia looked up, her cheeks turning pink. "I'd like him to be mine. Unless Belthar kills him first."

"Perhaps I should have a word with him, if he intends to be yours."

"Oh, Dory, don't!" she protested, giving her brother a shove. "You'll ruin everything!"

Remus yawned and closed the book at around two in the morning, hoping it wouldn't spiral into a romance. It was the book James had gotten him for Christmas, about the brother and sister. So far it had been really exciting. A lot of neat descriptions about life in both wizarding New York and Muggle, back in the 50s. An evil wizard who had killed their father and orphaned them years ago was now hunting them down. But if it turned into a romantic novel between Amelia and Johnathon, then that'd be a bit boring.

Frankly, he wished for more about Theodore, who was a vastly more interesting character, and his friend who reminded Remus a little bit of himself: quiet, withdrawn, and the one the siblings went to when they needed to find information. Sometimes it almost seemed like he and Theodore were flirting in the book, which Remus knew was simply projection.

It was further proven to be projection after he fell asleep and dreamed he was the quiet Shearlow and Sirius was Theodore. It was the scene where the characters in the book had been stuck in a hidden room in a library until Amelia rescued them. In the dream the room was a lot more cramped than the book indicated, and just when Sirius/Theodore put his arms around Remus/Shearlow (which did not happen in the book) and bent in close (which also did not happen) like they might kiss (which definitely didn't happen)… Remus woke up with a gasp.

His body felt like it was on fire and his pajamas were sticking to his skin from sweat. He tugged at the top a few times before sliding out of bed to wobble to the bathroom.

Bloody hell, he thought as he splashed cold water on his face. These feelings were so unfair! He splashed more water, wishing he could stop them still no matter what Lily or Miss Fawley said. And if the book did continue on with an Amelia/Johnny romance, he was worried he'd start dreaming about him and Sirius (or… some boy…) as them! Maybe he should put the book up for a bit.

Romance ruins everything, he thought bitterly as he returned to the dorm. He climbed back under his blanket and was about to close his eyes when he sat upright again, realizing the answer to the cologne problem. Of course! He lay back down, wriggling a bit, too excited to go back to sleep. If she agrees to help then this has got to fix everything.

X

"You want me to what?!"

Lily stared at Remus in absolute horror and for a brief second he wondered if he was about to be murdered. Ways to stop a werewolf: a very furious 14 year old girl. Lily wasn't quite fourteen yet but she would be soon enough.

"Not really," Remus amended quickly, easily sensing the fury whipping up around her. "Just pretend a little."

"Remus Lupin, I am this close to cursing your finger to be permanently up your nose."

He cringed a little. "Please?"

Lily got her wand out. "Both your forefingers."

He held his hands out. "Please, wait, listen!"

"I am listening and all I'm hearing is you want me to pretend Potter is—" she paused, gagging a little, "—sexy. I think I threw up a little in my mouth."

"Not James, his cologne," he repeated. "Pretend his cologne is irresistible or something."

"Why?"

He lowered his hands since she relaxed her grip on her wand, but she was fast, he had to be careful. "His cologne stinks."

"Why is that my problem?"

"It—it isn't, but… the thing is… we… we all lied," he admitted, biting his lip. "None of us could bear to hurt his feelings by saying it smells like—like—like a pickled troll's foot."

Lily folded her arms. "Why not?"

"He's so proud of the stinking thing. It makes him really happy. But he's so disgusting to be around."

She snorted now. "Welcome to my world. He is disgusting to be around. Look, I'll tell him it stinks, I don't care about hurting his feelings. Actually, that would be a bonus."

He seized her sleeve. "No, he'll only dismiss it. Snape and Fox insulted him about it but he didn't care. It didn't phase him or make him think about it. It would make him wear more if he thought you hated it."

"So." She pulled her arm free then leaned back against the wall. "So I pretend it's all sexy and you think he'll stop wearing it?"

"Yes, he's bound to, he'd rather die than do anything to make you think he's attractive in any way," he said, shifting from foot to foot, trying not to get his hopes up that it might work. "Please? We're at our wit's end."

She mulled this over for a moment, tucking the end of her ponytail in her mouth while Remus tried not to squirm. Finally she asked, "What do I get out of this? If I'm to utterly degrade myself by pretending that thing is sexy at all—even just the scent he uses—then I need some sort of hazard pay."

"I—I don't really have any money, but we—"

"Not money, not actual pay," she said with a slight laugh. "A reward. Something. I deserve something. You're one of my best friends, Remus, but even that is asking a bit much in the name of friendship."

"What would you like?"

"I don't know…"

Remus frowned. "Sirius, Peter, and I will all be in your debt."

Her eyebrows arched high. "They said that?"

"Erm, no, they don't know I'm talking to you, but if they did I know they'd feel the same," he said quickly, hoping that to be true.

She began fiddling with her earring, a little gold stud with a star shape. The other ear held a small crimson feather. Sirius had commented on them the previous day, remarking how cool it looked and staring at the feather for so long Remus half expected him to steal it.

"Fine."

"What?"

She stood up straight, tossing her ponytail back over her shoulder. "I'll do it. I don't know what I want yet, though."

He was nodding vigorously. "That's fine."

"And if Potter actually tries to flirt back—"

"He'd never."

"If he does," she said sternly, "I will tell him the truth and you will confess. All right?" She stuck her hand out.

Remus shook it. "Yes, perfect, thank you. Thank you so much, Lily. You're a true hero."

"I know," she sighed. "Now I'm going to go get sick down a toilet to prepare for this. I'll… see you later. Christ. What is wrong with me."

X

Remus hoped to Merlin the plan worked, especially when he met up with the others and realized James had forgotten to use less of the cologne. Later, Peter said it was like a comic book where you could see the green squiggles coming out of him to indicate the smell.

He didn't have time to fill Sirius or Peter in on everything, just whispered that he might have found a solution and Lily was going to maybe help.

The four boys spent the morning outside. James wanted to stay in and play tricks on people but he was outvoted, three to one. Remus didn't particularly want to be outside but there was a brisk wind and that meant as long as they were careful they could stay in a safe area.

At lunch, they piled their sopping wet outside layers at their feet while they sat at the table. Remus kept glancing around, hoping Lily would show up. He saw Alice and Cassie but no Lily. What if she decided not to? Or what if she waited until the next day, or the one after that? He should have begged her to do it as soon as possible.

And then there she was, walking down the same side of the aisle that James sat on. He was talking excitedly with Sirius, not even noticing her approach. Lily hesitated a few feet away then took a few more steps before pausing and making a show of sniffing the air. A brief look of disgust passed over her face before it was replaced with a smile.

"What's that smell?" she asked casually.

James finally noticed her. "If it's bad, probably you. Did you break wind?"

Lily narrowed her eyes and Remus thought that was it. But instead she smiled more and sat down next to James. "No, it's you, isn't it? You… smell different."

James rolled his eyes, inching away from her. "Yeah, so what if I do? Is there a problem?"

"No," she replied. Then, "Yes, maybe."

"Well, if you don't like it you can go. Maybe stuff your head into a toilet while you're at it."

She grit her teeth and it was taking a lot of willpower not to explode. "I do like it, that's the problem."

James lifted his head, looking suspicious. "What?"

Lily opened her mouth then shut it, the smile looking a little more forced. Hopefully, James wouldn't notice. Sirius and Peter were watching with big eyes while Remus had his fingers crossed under the table. "It smells nice. It's a nice change for you, Potter. Actually…" She leaned in and sniffed again. How she didn't get sick was beyond Remus's comprehension. Lily was absolutely marvelous. "It's really nice. Very…" Her hand drifted up to lightly touch his shoulder, "mature."

"What?" he asked again, gripping his fork tightly, twisting his shoulder away. "Are you sick? Do you have a fever?"

"No. I'm saying I like whatever scent you're wearing, dummy!" she snapped back then took a deep breath, putting the smile back. "Actually, it's quite…" she trailed off, her eyes going a little glazed over as she said, "captivating."

James gave a nervous laugh. "This is a joke, isn't it? A joke, you're pranking me—"

"No, I'm not, if I was pranking you I'd turn your food into mud or something," she said, working very hard to continue the pleasant voice. "Why would I ever compliment you? Normally I find you even more disgusting than a dead worm, however…"

"However?!" James squeaked out, sounding horrified as he cringed back against Sirius, who was turning a little purple from suppressing laughter.

"Maybe you're not as disgusting as I thought." She topped that off with a wink.

James blinked several times then wheezed out, "I am, you stupid cow. Look!" He shoveled food in his mouth then opened it, showing the food on his tongue. "I'm gross, I'm disgusting, go away, go far away!" He stuck a hand under his arm and then tried to shove his hand in her face.

Lily was faster, and grabbed his wrist, holding it tightly. "I'll go," she said, still holding his wrist as she stood up. "I'll see you later, though." She made another show of sniffing the air and looking happy. "James. I mean, as long as you keep that terrific scent up. It changes you, you know." She let go of his wrist and flounced off.

James straightened up, the food falling from his mouth into his lap as he stared after her. Sirius was covering his face while Peter was stuffing a fist in his mouth. Remus was biting his tongue so hard it started to bleed.

"What the BLOODY HELL was that?!" he shrieked.

"Language," snapped a nearby Prefect.

"Sounds like Lily really likes your cologne," Sirius managed to get out, grinning so wide it had to hurt. "Man, she really likes it."

"She was practically all over you!" giggled Peter. "Lucky."

"Maybe I should borrow some, if it's going to, erm, get the girls," Remus said, hoping that sounded like a normal boy thing to say. Was that a normal boy thing to say? Blast it, why did he say it? It was probably dumb.

"Mmm, Jimsy, maybe you'll be the next to get a girlfriend," Sirius said, the final nail in the coffin.

James jumped up so fast he knocked his glass over, sending juice spreading across the table. He spat out another swear word that lost Gryffindor five points before he took off running out of the Great Hall.

Sirius, Peter, and Remus all burst into laughter, Remus clutching his sides tightly, not even noticing the juice dripping off the table and into his lap. Lily, having noticed James leaving, came back over and all three complimented her on her acting job. She gave a slight bow, reminded them that they 'bloody well owed her', then left to, as she claimed, empty her cauldron.

"That has to do it, that has to work," Peter said.

And it did. James returned later, having taken a long shower to scrub the scent off of him and that night Remus noticed that the toilet smelled like the cologne, and the empty bottle was in the rubbish bin.

Victory.