Lincoln checked himself out in the mirror, decked out in a white sweater, black leather jacket, jeans, shades, and for maximum wow factor, a skull and crossbones tattoo. Temporary, of course. He slicked back his hair with some more gel when his walkie talkie vibrated. He wiped off the excess gel and brought the walkie talkie up. "Hello?"
"Hey Lincoln. Ready to introduce yourself to the new girl today?"
"That's an affirmative. I'm all set, got my new threads, a temporary tatt, and a list of hip slang I picked up from my older sister's teen magazines." He was more than ready for the occasion.
"That's great buddy. But, do you really need all that? You're plenty cool already. I mean, you jumped that puddle on your bike the other day."
"Well, from the way she wears that bow in her hair, the new girl seems super cool. So, I gotta up my game."
Clyde seemed to understand. "I hear ya, and you only got one chance to make a good first impression. If you blow this you'll have to wait for another girl to move into town, and who knows when that'll be."
The confidant smile Lincoln had almost flatlined, and anticipation started to turn into anxiety. "Thank you for that added pressure," he responded sarcastically.
"Don't mention it. So what's the plan?"
"I'm gonna catch her on the bus this morning, so I can have some one-on-one time with her."
"Good thinking. Do you need a wingman?"
"Thanks, but there are some things a man must do alone."
"I get that. I said the same thing to my dads the first time I used a public restroom. Good luck buddy!" There was a burst of static. With the conversation over Lincoln put the walkie talkie into his pocket and began sneaking to the front door.
He had seen the new girl when he was visiting the park. Noticeably taller than the other kids his age, Filipino complexion and an orange bow perched on the top of luminous black hair that fell to her shoulders. It would be a chance to make a new friend. And maybe something more, because it seemed that his crush on Paige wasn't going anywhere.
Lincoln casted away the feeling of disappointment. Today was a new day, just waiting behind that final stretch of floor. He made it halfway across when he stepped on the bullseye styled rug and entered the sights of his sisters.
"Hold it!" he heard from behind him. He sighed in annoyance knowing the storm of over inquisitive sisters about to overtake him. He spun around facing all of his sisters and trying to play it off. "Hey! Mornin ladies."
Lisa was unfazed. "Did you really think we wouldn't notice that you're dressed as the stereotypical Hollywood representation of a 1950's greaser?"
"Hey, hey, hey! This is gel, not grease," he protested as he gestured to his hair as if it was painfully obvious. "Besides, can't a guy wear something different to school for a change?"
"Not in this house."
"Now, what's the sitch bro?"
"I'm telling you, there is no 'sitch'!" Lincoln said in an annoyed grunt.
"Lincoln, come in! I thought of some topics for you to discuss to the new girl," Clyde's voice came over the walkie talkie.
"New girl?" His sisters squealed excitedly before surrounding him.
"Like corn nuts. Are they corn? Or are they nuts," Clyde kept going on. Lincoln pulled out the device. "Not now Clyde. I gotta call you back." He switched off the walkie talkie to prevent any other unwanted distractions, though the damage had already been done.
"So you thought you would impress the new girl by wearing this?" Lori smugly asked.
"No, no no no no! I don't need your help. I got it all planned out." He tried backing out of the swarm only to bump into Lola.
"Lincoln."
"No! I am sure you have your own plan for telling me what to do."
"But, Lincoln-," Leni started to plead but he shut her down. "No. I only have one chance to make a good first impression, and I want to do it my way!"
"Lincoln!" They all said. He knew they weren't going to let him go, so he came up with the perfect distraction; he pointed into the dining room and yelled, "Free pizza!"
Just as expected they all fell for it and took their attention off him. He bolted between them and out the front door and didn't stop. He jumped over a fence and ran into the forest beyond. He came to a stop and looked around at his surroundings as he caught his breath. A small clearing ringed by bushes, with a tree and mound of dirt in front of it.
He sat at the roots of the tree and leaned on it. He would just wait here until he heard the bus roll in. He had made himself comfortable when out from the mound of dirt came a single white rabbit. Lincoln sat up to get a better look. It twitched his nose and then more rabbits came out of the mound surrounding it. He counted a total of twenty five when all were present. Even for him he couldn't imagine what having 25 sisters would be like.
"Hey, Lincoln!" Lynn's voice rang out. He jumped up in surprise and hit the back of his head against a branch. An irritating dullness washed over his head and he sank to the ground. His vision doubled, then tripled before he finally blacked out.
Lynn leaned on the railing of the porch waiting for Lincoln's response. It never came, either he not wanting to answer or out of ear shot. She waited another few seconds to see if she was wrong. When she saw that she wasn't she went back inside to wait for the bus.
"Is he coming back?" Lola asked.
"Nope, he's long gone," Lynn answered as she flopped down on the couch.
"I mean, is our advice really that bad?" Leni asked.
"I was literally going to tell him to be himself," Lori said as she scrolled on her phone.
Lynn looked at Lori. "'Be himself'? What kind of advice is that?"
Lori answered without looking up from her phone. "I mean he's just a nice kid in general. No need to act all cool or something."
With nothing better to do Lynn took the advice and turned it over in her mind. He definitely was nice, going out of his way to make everyone happy even at his own inconvenience. She felt a slight twinge of guilt before banishing it and continuing on. He was wimpy, yeah, but again his personality made up for it.
She finished her thinking and just sat there waiting. Shame that Lincoln didn't get that advice.
Lincoln groaned as he came too with a killer headache. He propped himself up with one hand while massaging his sore head with the other as he took in his surroundings. He could just barely grasp what had been a dream while he was out. Something about rabbits, sisters and bad advice?
Speaking of rabbits he noticed the same one from before standing out in the open, with a new brown bunny hopping in. He watched with the same curiosity as its sisters as the brown rabbit came to a stop in front of the lone white one.
Don't listen to them, they'll ruin everything. They don't know what they're doing, he thought to himself, as if it would change what was about to happen. Instead of the disaster he was expecting, they rubbed their noses together before hopping away into the forest. He looked down incredulously at its sisters, all who seemed satisfied with the turn of events.
"Woah. Maybe they do know what they're doing," he said out loud to no one in particular. Then he realized what he had just said. If the rabbit's sisters were right, then his sisters were right, and if they were right, then he was wrong, and he was going to ruin his first impression with the new girl!
He realized just how little time he had to rectify things and he leaped up from his spot and sprinted back home. He jumped the fence and ran up Franklin Avenue and turned up the walkway to his house, thundered up the steps and threw open the door. He was met with somewhat surprised stares.
"Look, I was wrong, I want your help! My plan is going to fail! Tell me your plan! Tell me what to do!"
Lori stood up straight and put her phone away. "Lincoln."
He ignored her, not hearing an answer to his increasingly dire dilemma. "Tell me what to wear!"
"Lincoln," Lynn tried saying but was cut off by another desperate question. "Tell me how to act!"
"Lincoln," Leni said to try to calm him down, but he kept going. "Tell me what to say!"
"Lincoln!" They all yelled at once putting an end to his panicked ramblings.
"What!?" he asked, desperate for anything to work with. Lori breathed a sigh of relief and kneeled so that they were face to face and put her hand on his shoulder. Then she said what he was least expecting.
"We weren't going to tell you any of those things."
Lincoln was blind sided. "Wait, what? Why? You didn't want to change me?"
"No. We just wanted to know why you changed yourself."
"I just-" he knew why he did it. He wasn't good enough. He clearly hadn't been good enough for Paige, so how could this be any different? He took the sunglasses off his head and rolled up his sleeve to reveal the fake tattoo, all augments to make him worthy. "I just thought-,"
"Lincoln, you're perfect just the way you are," Leni said.
"You're kind."
"You're fashionable."
"You're rocking."
"You're funny."
"You're tough."
"You're deep."
The twins moved up and hugged Lincoln, one twin on each side. "You're friendly."
"You're smart."
Lincoln watched as Lily toddled up to him to deliver her piece. "You Yincoln Youd," she babbled, absolutely melting his heart. He could feel the beginnings of tears in the corners of his eyes and suppressed them.
"Now, give me that jacket." Without a word Lincoln peeled off the black leather jacket and handed it and the sunglasses to Lori. He ripped off the fake tattoo, crumpled it up into a ball and tossed it away to Lynn.
"Now go out there," Lori said as she held out Lincoln's classic orange polo, "and just be you." He took the polo and slid it over his head. He popped his head through the collar and he was back to the good, old Lincoln.
"Thank you guys," he said. He heard a honking noise and looked around to see the bus rolling right past the house. Without saying anything else he picked up his backpack and ran outside after the bus.
"Good luck Lincoln," they cried out to him as he ran.
"Wait!" he yelled. The bus driver saw him and came to a stop. He panted as he boarded to the sound of light laughter. He quickly scanned the bus and found the new girl sitting by herself. He walked along the aisle before standing next to her. He took a deep breath before starting his first conversation with her.
"Hello, um, my, uh, name is Lincoln Loud."
"Nice to meet you, Lincoln Loud," she replied with a welcoming smile. He grew confident and spoke again with better flow.
"So, you're new to Royal Woods?"
"Yeah, it's lonely being the new kid in town."
"Maybe you just haven't met the right people yet."
The girl moved her backpack onto her lap. "Would you like to sit down?"
"Yeah, thank you." He sat down next to her and put his backpack on the floor.
"You know, I didn't think you were going to catch the bus."
"Yeah," he gestured to his shirt, "good thing that I'm dressed like a traffic cone, or the bus driver would never have seen me."
She laughed. "Your funny Lincoln Loud." She held out a carrot stick. "Carrot stick?"
He took it. "Thanks." He took a bite out of it before asking his next question. "Oh, by the way, what's your name?"
"Stella Zhou," she answered.
"It's nice to meet you Stella.
I just wanted to take the time to say that while I was writing this chapter and reviewing White Hare I came to realize what a good episode it was, and probably now my favorite. Besides the obvious that it added another well loved character to the franchise, it embodies a family helping someone get over their insecurities and show them they are perfect just the way they are.
Unlike a very specific episode that people seem to have a fetish of using to cause the Louds maximum suffering and the fact that they never seem to drop it... but I digress.
Until next time.
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