Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Saga. I own twitchy fingers that enjoy writing for no profit.
Chapter 10: Waves and Wandering Minds.
It was dark when I woke, sprawled on the kitchen floor, and with what felt like a large bruise forming over my left cheekbone. It was my cell phone ringing that woke me, and I slowly pushed myself up til I could reach it where it lay on the table.
"Hello?" I mumbled into the handset, dragging myself off the floor with one hand on a nearby chair.
"Bells, it me" Charlie's voice seemed overloud in my ear, and I pulled the phone slightly away from me before he could continue. "I'm just checking in to make sure you're ok. I'll be home in another three or four hours, but I don't want you waiting up for me. Just head off to bed, and I'll look in on you when I get back."
"You found the hiker then?" I asked. "Are they ok?" I started trudging up the stairs so I could go check on my cheek in the bathroom mirror.
"No Bells, I'm afraid he's not. We found his body about half an hour ago, in the forest near to the Rez. Looks like another animal attack, but this time we had a witness who said they'd seen a huge bear through the trees, so at least we've got something to go on, finally." He sounded so tired and sad. Charlie took his responsibilities towards the safety of the community very seriously, and any life lost always hit him hard. My relief at hearing that this was a bear attack, and nothing to do with Victoria, however was hard to contain. I didn't want him to think I was uncaring of the life that had been lost, but only a few hours ago I'd thought that a feral vampire was in the area, determined to take my life, and any that stood between her and me, so now I felt as if a ton of weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
"Well I'm sorry you guys couldn't find him before the bear got him, Dad, but I'm glad you've got something to explain all the missing persons. If you're still out there in the woods, please do me a favour and be careful?" I dreaded the thought of the bear getting his claws and teeth into Charlie, without him I was completely lost. I'd slip back into my pit, and I wouldn't even fight it.
"Of course, kid. But there's no chance of it coming back here right now. There are so many people here, with floodlights and loud generators running them, I'd be willing to bet that bear's miles away right now." There was a muffled voice in the background calling for him. "I've got to go, Bells. You go on to bed, and I'll look in on you when I get back in, like I said. Night."
"Night, Dad" I replied, and hit the end button on my phone.
I stared at my reflection in the mirror. A large, ugly bruise was already forming on my left cheek, and it looked like it might even turn into a black eye.
"Wonderful." I told my reflection. "How are you going to explain that to Charlie?" I gave myself a warning glance "And without lying?" My determination to be as truthful as possible with Charlie remained. I wasn't going to show him the disrespect of making up far-fetched tales to cover up relatively minor things like this anymore. Telling him the whole truth about vampires was, of course, still out of the question. It would put him in far too much danger if he knew everything about that - it gave literal meaning to the phrase 'what he doesn't know, won't hurt him - but surely I could tell him most of the truth when it came to explaining other things.
I was too tired to shower before bed. The burden of all the events of the last two days dragged on me like weights tied round my neck. I felt like an old woman of eighty instead of an eighteen year old, not only in body, but in mind too. My brain was reeling with all the millions of thoughts bustling against each other inside, each clamouring for my attention like a class of spoilt children, all screaming "look at me, look at me!" The only thing I could do was to try to get some decent sleep, and hope that in the morning I was rested enough to sort through the hodgepodge.
Charlie hadn't yet got home when I woke, screaming, from my usual nightmare. The echoing silence of the house built on the disquiet and loneliness of the dream, and it took me a long time to settle my breathing down enough to even begin to try sleeping again. Lying there in my bed, staring at the shadows cast by the trees on my ceiling, while I forced myself into slower, more even breaths, I tried to imagine the sound of the sea in the background. Each crashing wave a breath out, the dragging sound of sand and pebbles being sucked back as the wave retreated, a breath in. The exercise was relaxing and I could feel all my tense muscles easing and turning to jelly. Eventually, my eyes began to droop and I slid back under into sleep.
Screaming, fighting, fear, vampires, wolves, blood, sweat, sex, lust, my dream scenes ran through my mind, jolting me awake once more a few hours later, but I refused to even think on them for a second, punching my pillow a few times and stubbornly rolling over with my eyes clenched shut still. For once, it seemed, I got my way. I didn't wake again until late morning, the sounds of Charlie watching some ball game downstairs greeting me and making me smile.
I felt... Rested. I couldn't remember the last time I'd experienced that feeling, and I lay there, stretching luxuriantly in my bed, revelling in the fleeting moment of peaceful relaxation. Sadly, there's only so long a bladder can hold before its demands are un-ignorable, and so I forced myself out of bed and shambled off to the bathroom, grumbling about the stupid plumbing system of the human body. Catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I washed my hands, I winced at the very large, very dark bruise which now encompassed the left of my face, from halfway down my cheek, to the lower lid of my eye. "Well no-one can say I didn't do a proper job of this one." I mused, and I jumped straight in the shower to stall going down and letting Charlie see what I'd managed to do to myself. I washed and deep conditioned my hair, shaved every are I could think of, and exfoliated myself to within an inch of my life, but eventually I ran out of stalling tactics, and headed back to my room to get dressed. As I passed the stairs, I called down.
"Morning, Dad. Do you mind if I grab a..." I broke off, seeing a blue plaid shied hanging from my door handle. "Never mind. Thanks dad!" I pulled the shirt off the hanger and disappeared into my room to get dressed.
As I expected, Charlie noticed my new facial decoration in about three seconds.
"What happened there?" He asked in a deceptively calm tone, his face belying it with his tense eyes and jaw.
"I fell last night and must've cracked my face on either the floor, or the table on the way down." I said truthfully avoiding the reason for falling down in the first place.
"Hmm. Well please be more careful. And you should've called me to let me know."
"Sorry, Dad. I figured you ha enough to worry about last night." He nodded, but added.
"Ok, Bells. and maybe you're right; I did have a lot on my plate last night. But I still like knowing what's going on this you too, ok" i swiftly agreed, glad to end the conversation, and flopped down next to him on the couch.
Charlie and I spent most of the morning just hanging out together in front of the tv. I wasn't really watching; in fact I wasn't even entirely sure what sort of ball game was playing, but I nonetheless revelled in the quiet companionship and normalcy of the morning. As we sat together in the kitchen, eating the soup I'd heated up for lunch, Charlie explained that he had to go down to the station that afternoon to meet with the dead hiker's family and file the coroner's report.
"Sorry, kid, but it's got to be done, and it's my job to do it. Will you be ok by yourself for the afternoon?"
"Yeah, of course." I reassured him. "Actually I was thinking I might head down to First Beach again for a while. I find it so peaceful there, and it helps stop my mind from running at a million miles per hour. Maybe I can get some thinking done, and soak up a little sun wile I'm at it." The sun had indeed made a rare appearance. It was still cold, and likely to be pretty windy at the beach, but really that was all to the good for my purposes; it reduced the chance of other people being out there, and I had in mind a visit to that shelter in the hollow of the fallen tree I'd spotted last time we walked on the beach. I figured I could sit there pretty much as long as I liked, and no-one would spot me. Peace and quiet, and that balanced feeling I always got at First Beach seemed like the perfect thing for me right now.
"Ok then kid, but do me a favour and stay away of the forest? I know you're unlikely to go walking in the woods anyway, but right now, with this rogue bear on the loose, I really don't want you even close to the edge of the forest, ok?" I reassured him that I'd do as he asked, and we both left the house together. Charlie headed towards the station, and I turned my truck towards La Push.
Despite the sunshine, the beach had been kept pretty much deserted by the biting wind, the only exceptions being a few brave souls braving the conditions to surf the resulting breakers. I parked my truck at Billy's being more confident I could find my way alone to the beach from there, and grabbed Charlie's Forks PD hoodie from the passenger seat. Pulling it on, I headed down to the beach, tucking my hair inside the hood, and pulling the hood down to protect my face from the cutting gusts blowing in from the sea. It didn't take me long to find my new thinking spot, and as I pushed a few dangling roots to one side to peer into the hollow, I discovered it was even better than I'd hoped. The prevailing winds had blown sand into the hollow where, protected from the rain by the mass of roots hanging over it, it had dried out, making a soft, dry drift, ideal for sitting on. I ducked under the roots and sat down with my back to the root system, facing the sea. The moment I sat down, the wind was cut off completely, the only sign of it being the sound of it as it whipped by, and the waving of the angling roots above. Perfect. I wriggled my ass more firmly into the sand, creating a sort of sandy armchair for myself, and laid my head back. "This really is the perfect spot to escape the world for a while, and find myself some balance." I thought, revelling in the peace.
Determined not to send my thoughts reeling again as they had been the night before, I simply sat there, allowing my thoughts to drift in and out as they pleased, like wild birds visiting a feeding table. If they chose to land and stop a while, I'd have a closer look at them, but the ones that just hovered nearby or landed for a second only to flit off; well I wasn't going to chase them down. I wondered idly what it would be like at school the next day. How would my class mates react to me no longer being on autopilot? Would they just go back to how things were before? Would they just ignore me? Would they even notice? I was fairly sure that pretty much everyone would notice some change at least. Apart from anything else, I was a hell of a lot cleaner than I had been a couple of days before, and besides that, I was alert and responsive, the dark shadows under my eyes had lifted following two nights in a row containing proper, restful sleep, and while, of course, there was no real visible sign of me putting weight on, I still looked just healthier than I had done, and the mere act of me eating would be sure to garner a little interest at least. I gave a little snort of amusement as I suddenly considered "I wonder how Mike Newton's going to play things tomorrow? Will he play up the 'Bella's a filthy harlot who tried to jump me in the stock room' angle, or will he be a decent guy and tell the truth?" Whichever he chose, I decided that I wouldn't be drawn into any arguments over Mrs Newton's lying gossip. I planned to rise above it all and keep my moral high ground. Well as long as my shiny new temper allowed me to, anyway. I let the thought drift away and without thinking about it, I matched my breathing to the incoming and outgoing waves, much like I had in my imagination the night before.
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
The rhythm relaxed me completely and again I felt my muscles turn to jelly as I sat/laid there in my sandy armchair. My mind was free to meander as it pleased and I couldn't say how long I remained like that when something popped into the forefront of my head of it's own volition.
"Taha Aki. That's the old man in my dreams. The first spirit wolf in the legends." I didn't need the right feeling that floated across my skin to know I had hit on the correct answer, but it was a nice feeling just the same. Somewhere in the very tiny portion of my brain that was still slightly alert, I was relieved that I wouldn't have to get the book I knew was still on my shelf and research the name; I didn't want to have to remind myself of the treaty and therefore the Cullens if I could avoid it.
That same, tiny part of my brain registered surprise that I just thought of the Cullen name without it making my chest twinge with pain. My body and mind were too relaxed to register it, if indeed it had twinged. "Maybe here and now, in this relaxed frame of mind is the right time to give it some thought then."
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
I allowed myself to continue the memory uninterrupted, for once not worried about inflicting pain on myself. I remembered Carlisle telling me about making the treaty with the last of the shape shifter clan, it was a part of the conversation we'd had as he stitched my arm up on my birthday. My memory of the conversation came to life, playing in my mind like a private screening of a movie. I was just a spectator, not a participant, and also had no intention of thinking of His name, and this reassurance and separation from myself removed any lingering worry that tiny active part of my mind had about the memory causing me pain.
Carlisle stood in front of Bella, as she sat on his desk in his office. Beside her on the table was a small collection of medical instruments and a small metal bowl holding the little pieces of glass Carlisle was removing from her cut. Carlisle was explaining to Bella how soul bonds worked for all sentient beings, how werewolves, vampires, shape shifters and humans completed their soul bonds, and made both mates stronger in doing so. He was telling Bella about how souls should be imagined as having a shape, with unimaginably tiny ridges and furrows, and when a soul met it's mate, their two shapes matched up perfectly, locking together with absolute precision, the join between the two almost indistinguishable. Bella was asking if Carlisle believed that her and ... Him were soul mates, and Carlisle was saying that yes, he believed they were, but that until the bond was completed through the sharing of fluids both via sex and via a bite, as Bella aged and experienced different things in her life, her soul would change shape and at some point would no longer be the perfect match for ... His. His wouldn't change short of a huge event forcing it to, because, as a vampire His soul's shape was as frozen as the rest of him. As Carlisle was finishing stitching Bella's wound, he told her that all supernatural species completed their bonds in much the same way, and that once this act was complete, the join between the two souls was not just indistinguishable, it was non-existant. The two souls were literally fused together. The sum greater than the two parts.
The memory pretty much complete, my mind allowed it to drift away.
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
The alert part of my mind gave me a gentle nudge, and I ignored it, content in my drowsy, dreamlike state. It gave a stronger nudge, and I felt a small crease form in my forehead as irritation washed over my deep relaxation. A much stronger, physical nudge came this time, and I allowed the alert part of my brain to remind me that it couldn't physically touch me, so someone else must've done. My return from my relaxed state was so sudden, it was almost painful, as my muscled stopped being jelly and became muscles once again.
IN.
The breath came as a huge, choking gasp as my eyes focused and met, just a couple of inches in front of me, with a pair of dark brown, almost black eyes belonging to Sam.
"BELLA!... Oh! Thank fuck for that! Are you ok, Bella? Have you taken something?" I was filled with indignation.
"No! Of course not! Shit. Can't a girl have a little nap in a warm cozy spot without being scared half to death?" I snapped at him, trying to push him back. All I achieved was shoving myself back into the root system behind me, Sam didn't budge an inch. He raised an eyebrow.
"You always nap with your eyes wide open and staring?" He asked.
"I don't know what to tell you, Sam. I was minding my own business, thinking and relaxing, listening to the waves, I fell asleep and was dreaming when someone" I glared hard at him "shoved me and woke me up." His face held a mixture of confusion, disbelief, and amusement at my little tirade. He took a couple of steps back, standing up outside my shelter, and holding back the dangling roots that were dancing in the wind.
"Well I'm very sorry, Miss Swan. I didn't mean to wake you." His sarcastic stress on the word 'wake' was clear, "It's getting dark, so maybe me waking you from your nap" again with the sarcasm "was a good thing. Wouldn't want the Chief worrying about you." Despite my extreme annoyance at him, I couldn't escape the fact that he was right. I'd been in my little hollow much longer than I'd intended, and I had no desire to cause Charlie any worry.
"Damn him. Can't he at least have the good grace to be wrong when he's being this annoying?" I groused to myself under my breath, and gave him another glare, which increased in strength as I found him already sniggering behind his hand at something.
"Fine. I'll just be going then." I grumbled, pulling at one of the roots above me to haul myself to my feet, only to have the root pull free, dumping me unceremoniously back on my ass. He laughed outright at this, and put a hand out for me to grab.
"Here, I'll help you up." I took hold of his huge, hot hand, and he pulled me to my feet.
"Thanks." I muttered with bad grace, and pulled the hood back over my head, tucking my hair inside it before stepping out into the wind.
"Come on, I'll walk you back to your truck." He offered, and if it weren't for him being such an excellent wind break, I might have refused, but the wind had really picked up, and walking with him there to shelter me a little would certainly be much easier.
"I'm parked up by Billy Black's place." I told him, and he gestured with his head, a sort of chin jerk, which clearly meant 'let's go then'. And so we did. Me with my hands jammed in my pockets, and my head down so I could watch my feet and at least avoid the indignation of tripping as we walked along.
"So why were you holed up under a fallen tree, napping?" Sam asked me, and while I ignored the sarcasm, my eyes narrowed for the cover of my hood at his cheek.
"I noticed the spot the other day when I was walking with Charlie, and when I needed peace and a place to think today, it just sprang to mind. Why? Is it a problem me being there?" I asked, hoping that there wouldn't be an issue over it. I liked my new spot, and didn't want to have to give it up.
"No, no, it's fine, Bella. I was just wondering, that's all" he held up his hands at my defensive tone. We reached the truck a moment later and I lifted my face from the ground to say goodbye. The wind instantly tore my hood back and set my hair to whipping about my face. I ran my hands through it and pulled it back behind my head. Suddenly, Sam's fingers gripped my chin, and he gently but firmly turned my head to the right. A sound I could almost categorise as a growl left him.
"What's this? Who hurt you?" He demanded angrily, his body tense and shaking, though his fingers were still gentle on my face. I pulled back a little, unaccustomed to physical contact from someone I'd didn't know too well.
"That'd be my kitchen floor." I shrugged. "I fell last night and smacked my face against it pretty hard." He stared at my face for a moment, obviously searching for the truth of my statement. Satisfied, he gave a small smile.
"Well hell, Bella. Try not to put dents in the floor over there, won't you?" I gave him a smile back.
"Ok. I'll make. Point of trying." I agreed. I unlocked my truck, and went to climb in. "You need a lift anywhere?" I offered, but he shook his head.
"No thanks, I'm just stopping in to talk to Billy for a bit. You take care now. Oh! And thanks again for dinner last night. Jared won't stop going on about how awesome your lasagne is. I swear the guy is probably off somewhere right no writing sonnets to it." I chuckled at the thought.
"Well I look forward to hearing them. Bye Sam." I climbed into my truck and turned over the engine, the load roar cutting though the noise of the wind outside.
I was so distracted by my weird conversation with Sam, that I was halfway home before I realised that I was still holding a lot of that peaceful feeling I'd found at the beach, and I was pulling up outside the house before I realised that I'd been thinking about the Cullens - even if I had avoided His name - I had remembered the conversation with Carlise which I had been avoiding the memory of, and it hadn't caused my chest any pain at all.
I'm not 100% happy with the way I've described Bella remembering the conversation with Carlisle, but I had to do it in a way that wouldn't send her back into her "pit" and this was the only way I could see it working. Let me know what you think?