Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Saga. I own twitchy fingers that enjoy writing for no profit.
Chapter 14: Meditation and Motorcycles
Whilst Angela had computer science, the last class of the day for Ben and I was history, and as I had completed my homework the night before, and the teacher was just re-capping what I'd already covered in the assignment, I was able to spend my time sitting quietly and pretending to pay completely attention, whist I was, in fact spending the hour trying to quiet my racing brain.
After the showdown with Lauren, and then my little speech to Mike, I had some hope that the gossip situation might come to an early close. At school at least. Indeed, when I walked into the history classroom, several of my classmates made a point of saying a friendly "Hello" to Ben and I. I glanced at him and we both rolled our eyes at the fickle nature of high school kids. Only a few hours before I had been lower than the shit on their shoes, and now all of a sudden, I was worth stopping a conversation to greet. I sat in silence as the class debated the pros and cons of prohibition, holding my own private debate instead. The subject in my mind was whether to take to bikes down to Jacob after school, or just call him to see if he could help. The bikes were still in the back of my truck, covered by a tarp to protect them from the weather, so it would be a simple matter to just drive on over to La Push once school let out, but I was mentally and emotionally exhausted. I needed, no... I desperately needed to calm my mind and find some balance again. "Like I did on the beach yesterday." I reminded myself. "Why not combine the two? Head down to First Beach, find that peace I found yesterday, then once I'm calm and relaxed, go on to see Jacob about the bikes." It seemed like a sensible plan. I no longer had to work on Monday afternoons, and Charlie wouldn't mind getting a pizza in instead of me cooking, I was sure. Decision made, I dragged my attention back to the room just in time to find everyone packing their books back away. Saying goodbye and thank you to Ben and Angela in the parking lot, I climbed into my truck and left a message at the station for Charlie, telling him where I was going, then set off for the beach.
The wind had let up during the night, but the rain was coming down in torrents and I was a little anxious as I approached my little hollow about whether or not it would be dry enough inside to sit comfortably. I needn't have worried. The overhanging roots seemed to do an excellent job of keeping the weather out, and the small drift of sand was as dry as it had been the day before. I flopped down into the soft pile and wriggled my ass into it until I was once again in a comfortable sandy armchair, then closed my eyes and focused on the sound of the waves coming in and out. In and out.
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
Quicker than it had happened before, my body loosened and relaxed, and my mind floated away, drifting back and forth with the rhythm of the waves. I let go of the confrontations at school, the stress of trying to figure out my dreams so they would stop, and every other conscious thought and simply let everything flow freely as it pleased.
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
A thought lazily drifted in about how to handle Billy and Charlie's trying to set me up with Jacob. I really liked the guy, but not in that way, however I knew he did have a little thing for me. I'd taken advantage of it unfairly when I was looking for information to answer the Cullen puzzle, and now I was going to have to do some damage control. Perhaps just laying things on the line straight away would be the key. Make it clear I could use all the friends I could get right now, but that's all I could use. It seemed like the best way, the fairest way to handle things. The thought wandered away again and I didn't chase it.
I wondered briefly if I'd ever be ready to date again, and unbidden an image of Sam, shirtless, his eight pack and well defined pecks on view popped into my mind. If I ever was ready to try dating, he would be about the only guy I would consider. He'd been the only one to catch my attention since He left, I'd been taken by surprise by my interest, but it was there nonetheless. Not that I would be able to allow anything serious with him; Like it or not, and whatever my dreams suggested about not having to die, Victoria would be coming back for her revenge, and it would be cruel to allow Sam to develop any long term sort of feelings for me, only to hurt him by losing me when she killed me. A ripple of amusement coated my mind; How arrogant I was to assume that he would be interested in me just because I myself had felt a slight attraction to him. An image of myself in the mirror the morning that I pulled myself out of my pit crossed my thoughts and my amusement turned grim. No. He wouldn't find that attractive, so it was foolish to think on it any longer. I sent the idea skittering away on the tide and again floated outside of any thought.
The next thing to find its way to the front of my mind was that frustrating feeling of missing something important about the Victoria dream. On so many occasions during my analysis of my dreams, I had filed things away in the 'haven't a clue pile' and I knew I'd be getting no rest until I started digging through that pile and getting a clue. I knew I was missing something. Something about the extinct wolf shape shifters, and that if I could just work it out not only would the dreams stop, but I might have given myself a way out of death-by-Victoria. I resolved to give it more serious thought. Something I had already learned, even if only subconsciously was the key, I just had to keep poking through all I knew until I hit upon the right fact to finish the puzzle.
I let myself drift again, hoping for an answer to float through my brain, though I knew trying to force it in this state of mind was counter-productive. No. I should let it come naturally if it wanted too.
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
I was aware, in the tiny alert part of my mind, that time was getting away from me once more, so I slowly began deliberately pulling my conscious thought forward again. The relaxed calm stayed with me though, making me feel more rested than I had in months. It was clear that this dozing, this meditation I supposed it could be called, was doing me good. Both mentally and emotionally I felt so much better than I had just two days ago, and the well rested feeling must surely be doing my body some good too. If only because it was helping to restore a more normal appetite. Bit by bit I came back from my relaxed state, until I was once again fully aware of everything around me. Judging by the slightly darkening sky, I had been in my hollow for at least a couple of hours. If I didn't want to worry anyone about my whereabouts, I should head over to the Black's house sooner rather than later. Pulling my hood over my head against the rain, I pushed through the roots and out of my hollow and walked as quickly as I could, without tripping over my own feet, back to Billy and Jacob's house where I had parked up as usual.
Knocking at the door, I was slightly taken aback by Jake opening it mid bang. "Ok, there's no way he's grown a couple of inches in three days." I told myself. "I must've just mis-judged it before." I gave it a little more thought. Jake, Sam, Jared. They certainly made them big on the Rez. Either they had some amazingly good genetics, or they really were taking some kind of steroid, and I couldn't see Sam doing that, or Jared or Jake, for that matter. And Billy would never let that shit slide. Shrugging away the thought, I smiled up (and up) at Jacob and gesturing over my shoulder at the truck I said
"Hey! hows it going? Can I borrow you for a moment, Jake?. I've got someone to show you and then a proposition to make." I winced at my choice of words as I saw his expression light up in expectation. If I was to make it clear where we both stood in regards to our relationship, that was exactly the sort of comment I should avoid.
"Sure sure, Bells. What you got for me then?" He said, squeezing past me on the small porch, and heading down the steps to look in the truck.
"It's under the tarp." I pointed out. "I was wondering if you could take a look and tell mew if there's any hope for them, or if I should just drive them to the scrap yard now and forget about it." Intrigued now, he pulled the tarp to see what I was talking about.
"Hey. A pair of rusty pieces of shit. You do bring me the loveliest things, Bells." He turned, grinning at me. "So you want me to see if they can be saved? You do realise that even if they can be, and I'm not at all sure it's possible, it's going to cost a fair bit?"
"Yeah I know. I was hoping that if we raided all the scrap yards in the area, we might be able to find the parts and keep the costs down. In payment for your work, I was going to offer you your choice of the two finished products." I told him, attempting to sound persuasive without straying even a pinky toe over the line into flirting.
"Right. Well then lets get them into the workshop to had a proper look." He said, bending to haul one of them up.
"Careful, Jake." I warned him "They're really he..." I was going to tell him how heavy the machines were, but before I could even finish, he'd picked one up, without any effort it seemed, and lowered it over the edge of the truck.
"We're not all tiny little wimpy rungs lie you, bells." He laughed, winking at me to remove any sting from his jibe. "They're so stripped down, they're not that heavy really. He added, passing the second bike over the back of my truck, and jumping down behind it.
Together we pushed the motorcycles out of the rain and into his workshop, him with apparent ease, and me with a lot of grunting, cursing, and slipping in the mud. Once we were under cover, Jake threw me an almost clean old towel to dry off a little and started looking over the bikes while I rubbed at my face and hair, trying to get the worst of the rain and mud off myself before I caught a cold. Before long it was clear he was in his own world, muttering things about "gaskets and HT leads", and a number of other things I didn't understand either. I sat myself quietly in a corner, still feeling nicely relaxed from my time on the beach, and content to just wait and watch til he remembered I was there. After about twenty more minutes, during which Jake had picked up a notebook and started making copious notes, he finally snapped back into the real world and seemed to remember my presence.
"Shit. Sorry, Bells. I was totally gone for a while there, huh?" I gave a little laugh.
"Yep. But it's ok, it was interesting to watch you figuring your way through things. Can you put me out of my misery though? Are they worth fixing?" I asked hopefully.
"It'll take maybe a couple hundred, but yeah I think I can get them both up and running again. Does Charlie know about this, or are we keeping it on the down low?" He asked, obviously not at all bothered either way. "Boys. They're all the same. A bit of the forbidden makes everything more fun." I mentally rolled my eyes.
"It's ok. I talked to him about them on Saturday. He said that as long as I get someone to teach me to ride properly, and keep my promise never to ride mine on the road, then it's ok with him." I then went on. "Charlie thinks it would be a good idea for me to learn a bit about how to keep it running, in case I ever need to make emergency repairs, so if you don't mind, I'd be coming down a fair bit to watch you work and pick up what I can?" I hoped he'd be ok with it, as after a bit of thought, I'd decided Charlie actually had a point on this one.
"Sure sure. That's no problem." Jake replied, then turned to give me a shy kind of smile. "I'd really enjoy spending some time with you anyway." I gave a tight, polite smile back. "Crap. Here it is. He came to the point much quicker than I thought he would." I marshalled my words carefully, I had to say this exactly right so that I didn't lose a friend, but also so the point was very clear.
"I'd enjoy spending time with you too. Not having any siblings of my own, I've always considered you my baby brother, and now we're older, it'll be nice to be friends as well as siblings." I said to him, carefully choosing my words. "There. Shot him down nice and quick, and hopefully painlessly too. I've not only friend zoned him, I've sibling zoned him too. There's no coming back from that." I looked over to make sure I'd not upset him too much. He looked a little disappointed, but not too torn up, so I hoped I'd handle things right.
"Yeah. Well I've got a couple of sisters already, but I could always use more friends." He said "But you do know I was kinda hoping..." I cut him off before he could say any more, not wanting to add embarrassing him on top of upsetting and disappointing him.
"Charlie and Billy seemed to want to set us up, but don't worry, Jake, I set Charlie right. I told him that I was no where near ready to even think about dating again, and that even when or if I ever am ready, that you and I are just friends and don't see each other in a romantic way at all." Jacob's face fell a little further, but he quickly took the out I'd offered him.
"Thanks, Bells. The last thing we need is the dads on our cases, trying to force us together. Just good friends. Best friends even, but that's it?" There was a hint of a question at the end of his sentence there, and I answered him firmly.
"Best of friends. And that's all." I offered him a fist to bump, and he forced a smile and did so. I hid how much my knuckles hurt afterwards. The boy was very strong. Jake cleared his throat and change the subject.
"So I'll make some calls about these parts." He tapped the notebook still in his hand "Work out the cost and, if its not too rich for your blood, I'll arrange to collect whatever we need, or to have it sent here. That sound ok?" I grinned at him.
"It sounds perfect, thanks Jake. I really appreciate this." I looked over at the sorry looking pair of bikes. "How long do you reckon it will take?" He stared at the ceiling, mouth moving slightly as he made some calculations.
"Three weeks, maybe four? I don't think it would take much longer than that, anyway." He sounded sure of himself and I wondered to myself if I'd be ready to give riding a try by then, or if I'd still consider it too much of a change. I guessed I'd have to wait and see.
"Sounds great, Jake." I said with a smile. "I'd better be heading back home before Charlie start wondering where I've got to though. Are we still on for poker night with your friends on Friday night?" I asked. "Quill and Embry, wasn't it?" He gave me a big grin.
"Yeah we are." He said. "I'm looking forward to watching you fleece those two. They're both far too full of themselves. Last time, when Quill won all my money, he walked around as pleased with himself as a dog with two dicks for weeks afterwards. He was unbearable. It's time he got what's coming to him." I laughed along with him.
"Awesome. I'm really looking forward to it. Just remember, don't warn either of them. I'll lose a little on purpose to start with, then turn the tables on them. It'll be fun." He smirked at the thought. I didn't feel too guilty about tricking them; it was only a nickel and dime game after all, so I wouldn't be bankrupting them, but from what Jake had told me about them, Quil at least was a cocky little ass, and taking him down a peg or too might be entertaining. I gave Jake a hug goodbye and went back out to my truck, leaving him in the workshop, still adding things to his notebook.