"Hey Naruto, this is a nice collection of games you have here." Kiba said, looking at Naruto's library of games on his computer. "Shadow of Mordor, Shadow of War, Dead or Alive series, hold up…why do you only have the Assassin's Creed games up to Syndicate, and only have up to Unity installed?"
"Oh, right." Naruto said, finishing off his drink. "The newer games are not Assassin's Creed. They are just generic RPG games with a fucked-up number system that is posing under the Assassin's Creed title. No fucking interest in that, got enough cashgrab bullshit in other games."
"What do you mean?" Sakura asked. "I thought that Valhalla was awesome. Way better than the old stuff."
"The visuals are cool and all, but where the fuck is the stealth? Where are the awesome hidden blades? Where's the parkour where you can free-run anywhere, without some form of stupid no -jump assist, preventing you from doing jumps that you would be able to do in older games? Where is the free movement that was there in the older games? Syndicate already has that problem, but there at least, stealth plays a big role in a good chunk of the missions." Naruto said.
"Oh, really? What makes the old games so much better than the new ones?" Sakura asked.
"The OG Assassin's Creed introduced us to the entire concept of the franchise with Altair, probably the most capable Assassin to have ever existed…more on that later. Anyway, the dude can take down a legion of soldiers, but drowns in a puddle. Seriously, when they make a remake of that game, I hope that Ubisoft enables swimming." Naruto began ranting a bit about how Desmond was reliving Altair's memories and learning his abilities, which canonically included swimming…
"Anyway, Assassin's Creed 2, Brotherhood and Revelations introduce us to the concept of, 'yeah, sure you can improve your weapons and armour, but you don't have to, to beat the game', which is a challenge, but a fun one all the same. Also, Ezio is probably the best character in all of the games, so fuck you Kassandra fans." Naruto drew in some breath before continuing.
"Assassin's Creed 3 introduced a new game engine that has the most realistic parkour in all the games, I mean, when jumping through the trees, the branches actually bend under your weight instead of just being still like a static object. Sure, the animations are not as smooth as Unity, but damn, they could at least have kept that little detail for Black Flag and Rogue. Anyway, AC3 had the coolest weapons, aka tomahawks and the pivot blade. Nobody in gaming history makes that combo look as badass as Connor."
"That is not his real name…" Shikamaru said.
"Bite me, ok? I can't pronounce his real name to save my life. Still, props for the voice actor being fluent in Iroquois. Also, Haytham is without a doubt the most likeable villain ever.
Anyway, moving on, Black Flag had the Swashbuckler character and Naval Combat, not really my cup of tea, prefer solid ground, thanks. And Rogue is essentially just Black Flag with some minor improvements and major redesign steps. Sure, you play as a templar and thus get a different perspective, but still, you get good apples and bad apples on every tree."
"And Unity loses something that has become essential for any Assassin's Creed player: using the hidden blades as active weapons in combat. And you lose one of the two in favour of a funky wrist mounted crossbow. And all you really get in return is a more combat focused gameplay and smoother graphics. Launch bugs not included, as hilarious as they were."
"Then there is Syndicate. Well, Assassin's Creed has built itself on three things. Stealth, combat and the hidden blades. Syndicate has mediocre stealth, more than the RPG series though, the hidden blades are basically non-existent outside of actually killing someone with them, and the combat does not feel like Assassin's Creed. It feels too much like an RPG, with you just beating the ever-living crap out of the enemy, whilst dodging their swings in turn. Granted, I only played through like 2 sequences, but still, I am not a big fan of it.
So anyway, I play the first 4 games for the lore, AC3 because there is nothing better than to kick the asses of arrogant snobby Brits and Yankees, Black Flag and Rogue for the Ship to Ship Combat, and Unity for whenever I feel like parkouring and giving the revolution the middle finger."
"You left out Freedom Cry and Liberation." Kiba said.
"Haven't had a reason to buy them. Played Liberation with a friend…kind of boring actually. Finished it in a day. The Characters were kind of bland for my liking. I guess that is what happens when large Corporations try to take over games and end up ruining them." Naruto explained.
"Like Microsoft?" Kiba asked. "And that mining game?"
"I make no mentions of names there." Naruto stated. "Anyway, Shit hit the fan with the RPG games for Assassin's Creed. Forget the assassins…there isn't even a creed in two of those games. Never played the games, but here is what I have seen and heard about them. Origins is about an old guy in Egypt who loses his son, teams up with his Ex to kill some shitty priests, the ex ends up killing Cleopatra and Julius Ceaser, though I stand to be corrected there, then goes to form what will slowly turn into the Assassins.
Odessey let's you choose between playing as the canonical female, aka Kassandra, or her brother, Alexios, get a Piece of Eden that is fucking overpowered…more on those fucking things later, and instead of leaps of faith, you do 'Yippe Kay Yay, fuck you gravity. I jump 300 feet heights and land without any trouble, bitches'. Yeah, fuck that. Because although her POE has some sort of inertial dampening thingy, that fucking boar still hits like a truck, and gives nothing to eat. By the way, anyone ask themselves why the fuck the Assassin's symbol has such a strong resemblance to the Spartan Lambda? Without even having a legit reason for it? Sheesh, so original.
Anyway Valhalla makes you play a literal Norse chap, gender again not agreed upon. So Eivor goes and goes all Viking on Britain, even after joining the Hidden Ones, aka Proto-Assassins, who despite their name always show up in twos, and possibly breaks the very first tenant of the creed, because fuck it, Vikings didn't give a shit, and go al 'murica on everyone before going 'murica was a damn thing. Now that I think about it, the second tenant is probably also out of the way because Vikings do stand out as well. Not sure if they can hide under your nose. What, with all those weapons and armour." Naruto finished, inhaled, then continued before anyone could say anything.
"Then there are the Pieces of Shit…sorry, Eden. Started out as so called 'Apples' that allowed communication between the Isu across time and the holder, control the minds of pointless plebs or brainless opponents, or could unlock tombs/vaults, but as the games progressed, the Pieces became more ludicrous. Remember how Altair was said to be the best Assassin to ever live? Well, some of the shit later Assassins do can be seen as outclassing him. I mean, Connor had a ring that could deflect bullets, for logs sake. And Edward had a suit of armour made from some ancient grandma's garden shed that does not protect the head, but for some reason, it makes him completely impervious to ranged attacks. Granted, up to AC3, it was only the apples, but then Black Flag gave you a OPAF spy cam, Rogue makes you destroy the world by fucking around with those spiky thingy's, and Unity gives you a Bullshit Sword alongside an Apple.
Moving on, Syndicate apparently gives you some funky outfit…and this Shroud of Eden thing, or something that heals any injury…yeah, I think I'd rather have a suit that makes me impervious to injury. Not a big fan of being stabbed.
Anyway, no idea what Origins and Valhalla has as it's Piece of Shi…Eden, but Odessey gives you the aforementioned broken spear. Like, WTF, Ubisoft?
What happened to the fact that people could play your games to study about ancient history? Where are the memes of kids holding a sign, saying they learned more about history by playing these games than they did during History class, whilst standing next to their History teacher?" Naruto whined.
"So yeah, the OG games are awesome, the new one's suck."