Chapter Four

Speechless

The Following Morning...

"Good, you made it. Thought I was gonna have to send a search party for you." Hilton welcomed me as I walked over to the group. "Morning." I greeted. The sun was barely making its way over Wall Rose. The fresh crisp of Spring's morning air was delightful. It was hopefully gonna be a beautiful day. Well, except for having to go out into Titan country. That was never a good day.

"We already got your horse assigned to a wagon. She's already been geared up. So, you should have nothing to worry about." Hilton encouraged, a smile lining his usually thinned out lips. "Great. Thank you. I appreciate it." I replied with a nod. "Glad to see that you're joining us on this one. I know you have the potential to kick some serious Titan ass, once you're ready of course. You'll do great out there today." Hilton added, a little awkward at small talk. It would obvious that he wasn't good at casual chitchat unless it included some light scolding. "Thanks. I'll do my best out there." I replied with a hopeful smile. I did have to give him credit. I was never the easiest cadet to deal with.

I loaded up my personal items in the satchel bags on Dakota's saddle. I was sure to bring a few snacks for her prior to us departing the gates as a way of soothing her. She wasn't used to being in the middle of so much commotion. I didn't want her spooked that early in the expedition, especially since we hadn't even left Wall Rose. "We'll be fine, Dakota." I cooed at her as I fed her chopped up carrots and apples from my hand. "We'll make it through this." Her dark eyes blinked knowingly as she chewed away at the greens. If she only knew the horrors that laid beyond the walls. If only I was able to prepare her, prepare myself, for them.

I was shitting bricks at that point, even though I had drilled myself all last night and that morning to keep my cool. I had never seen an actual Titan before in my life, other than illustrations and used my imagination when Jacob told me stories of them. But from what Commander Erwin and the others had assured me, I wouldn't be fighting any Titans today. Being on the supply team and carrying gear made me more than protected, especially since I would be part of Commander Erwin's group. That was a done deal.

When Jacob was told the news that I would be going on the operation, he was more than thrilled. He was a right flank spotter, so he would be on my side of the formation watching my tail. "You know I got you! I'm just glad you're finally going with us out there! I know if I need anything, you've got my back!" His brothers were excited that I was going out there too. I guess this boosted moral among them because they knew I understood my way around the ODM gear, and if we were to somehow either lose the supplies or run out, I'd be quick on my feet to figure out another course of action. That or I'd be the least experienced out of the bunch and they could use me as bait so they could make their escape while I get fed to the Titans. One or the other. Either way, it was a bonus to them.

When the proper arrangements had been made and everyone had loaded up on their horses, we began our journey through the city streets towards the gate. Crowds gathered and cheered, encouraging us along the way. It was heartwarming to see their hopeful faces; them thinking that maybe, just maybe, this may be the time that humanity would one-up the Titan hoards. Or at least get us one step closer. We had lost many lives thus far. Something had to give, right? I smiled at the children who stood front and center, watching as some of our youngest recruits rode by. I smiled and waved at them, earning a few 'ahhhs' and 'awwws' in response.

"It's rare for females to be in the Scouts." Hilton mentioned as he rode by my side. "They usually join the Garrison Command. So, to see a woman Scout is quite a feat. You should be proud. You're encouraging a whole new group of Scouts." he continued. "I am proud." I replied with a nod. And now, it's my turn to fully earn my Wings of Freedom. It wasn't fair that I had been stripped of this honor for so long. I deserve this.

"How are you doing, Dakota?" I called down to my horse, patting her neck. She shook her head back and forth, grunting in protest. Dakota hated when I saddled her up, and definitely hated that she was pulling a loaded wagon. She'd rather be ridden bare-back because she hated the extra weight and the feel of straps against her belly. I had gotten her spoiled in her younger years because I disliked having to deal with saddling her up every time I rode her. Not to mention she'd never gone out on a patrol behind the walls, much less pulled a wagon. So I had no choice but to take the responsibility for her attitude.

"Sorry, girl. I know it sucks. But you can do it." I encouraged with a pat. "Extra apples and carrots when you get home, and I'll even throw in more oats. I promise." I bargained. "Why do you do that?" Hilton asked, cocking his eyebrow. "I'm just talking to my horse. Nothing wrong with it." I replied with a sigh. What is so strange about that?! Doesn't everyone talk to their horses?! "If you say so." Hilton said as he returned his gaze to the front of the formation.

Commander Erwin was only a few rows up, along with Section Commander Hange and Section Commander Miche. The other Section Commanders were scattered along the front end of the formation, followed by their lieutenants and squad leaders. I felt at ease knowing I didn't see Captain Levi or his squad. I knew they were around, but I didn't really wanna see them right before departing the city. My conversation with the captain still felt raw and tender, and I really didn't want to think about it right before venturing out into Titan territory. That would definitely distract me and distractions were the last thing I needed. My stomach was already starting to twist and turn as I saw the gate in front of us.

Once we were all in line and corralled together, Commander Erwin began his normal motivational speech. It was starting to feel real. I gripped the expedition patch on my bicep and gave it a squeeze. This is it, Abby...No turning back now... "Listen, Lewis." Hilton said as he leaned over to me. "Strictly stay in the formation. Do not deviate from it. Let the spotters and the other Scouts handle the Titans. You stay put. Your job is strictly to transport the supplies. We need you out there when we run out of gear and gas. Your job is one of great value and importance." he stressed.

"This is your first time going outside the walls. It's going to be chaotic and it's gonna get messy. You are going to see things. People will die. There's no stopping that. But no matter what happens, stay in formation and watch for the flares. That's going to save your life. Understood?" "Yes, sir." I replied with a nod. He smiled. "I know you and I have never gotten along. But that doesn't mean I never cared about your wellbeing. I'm gonna do my best to ensure that we all come home." I returned the grin and nodded.

"Scouts! Commence the Fifty-third Expedition! Let's move out!" I looked forward at the sound of Commander Erwin's roaring vocals. The wall's gates were lifted, dust was kicked up like smoke. Horses began to move forward. The operation had begun. My heart began to pound in my chest to the point I could feel it. I could hear it in my ears. "Get ready." Hilton whispered beside me. I nodded. I held the reins in my hands tightly, sweat already accumulating between my fingers. When it came our time, I kicked the sides of Dakota's stomach with just enough force to alert her to go. "Hya!" She rushed forward with our wagon in tow.

Hundreds of Scouts rushed out of the city, kicking up tons of dust and making it nearly impossible to see. Even my lungs felt like they were filling up with dust. Once outside the gates, I was finally able to comprehend the damage of the outer town that lay just outside the gate. After the fall of Wall Maria, the outer ring was lost to the Titans. We lost one-third of our land and who knows how many human lives were forfeited that day and the weeks after. Several abandoned houses lay broken and disheveled as we passed through. "Look alive! Titans can be hiding anywhere!" Hilton cried out to the soldiers around us.

"Titan! Nine o'clock!" one scout called out from the far left. "Save your gas! Let the Garrison Regiment do their jobs! They have us covered until we reach the edge of the city!" another soldier yelled in response. "Eyes forward, Abby!" Hilton reminded me. I nodded, refusing to look towards the spotted Titan and kept my eyes to the back of the Commander's head. Hearing the mechanical sound of deployed ODM gear, I saw a few soldiers who bore the shield and roses emblem on their backs cascading above our heads. Thank you...

After ten or so spotted Titans, we reached the outskirts of the city and were finally able to spread out into ranks. Just as predicted, we fell into Commander Erwin's long-range formation. Once I was comfortable and established, I was able to take in the sights that nature had reclaimed. "Holy shit..." My eyes grew wide at the new scenery. It was so...different. "Lewis, no sightseeing! Stay the course!" Hilton called over from behind. "Yes, sir!" I replied, not looking back but recognizing his voice. I whipped the reins and ordered Dakota to go faster to keep up with the others.

Feeling the wind against my face was heavenly. My cloak lashed behind me widely, whipping back and forth as the current of wind passed by. Was this truly what I had been missing out on all these years? This sense of freedom? I giggled to myself at the new sense of harmony. Even though I had just stepped into a death trap, I felt a sense of peace. We need to reclaim this land. We deserve to be free. Not behind some wall. Not scared and unrested. This is our world! Time to reclaim it!

"Look alive! Eight o'clock! Red flare!" I heard a voice call out. My eyes shot to the left. The sense of happiness had fled. A red flare was painted across the sky. Red flare, a regular Titan is coming towards the formation. Just when my heart had returned to normal pace, it quickened again. I kept my eyes towards the front of the formation. Eyes forward, Abby. Remember, do not engage the Titans. Your job is to stay put and follow the Commander. You are supplies detail. That's all. You need to remain safe. Your livelihood depends on it. I looked for the Commander and easily spotted him a few meters in front of me. There he is. Good. I need to stay put. I'm okay, I'm safe. I'm in good hands.

As the minutes ticked by, more flares begin to fly across the sky in an array of red. "Titan approaching! Ten-meter! Seven o'clock!" I looked back and my heart dropped. "That's a...Titan?" I mumbled to myself. The horror that must have shown on my face was unmistakable. "Another Titan! Thirteen-meter! Four o'clock!" "Five o'clock, twelve-meter! We're being overrun!" All at once, several Titans came into play. These giant, humanoid cannibals were running at us. I just stared in dread and in unnatural curiosity. Who are these things? What are these things? Where did they come from? Why did they feel the need to hunt only humans and not on the wildlife? Why were all these thoughts coming at me now? Was it because of existential dread? Was I now thinking of this because I realized I was going to die out here?

"Abby! Get out of here! Speed up!" I heard Hilton yell as he headed towards the oncoming Titans in a last-ditch effort to hold off the Titans from the formation. For whatever reason, Hilton's voice sounded dulled, faded out. The Titans continued to gain on us, their stomping shaking the earth beneath us and rocking us to the core. "Abby!" Horses stampeded in the opposite direction, the vibration quickly bringing me out of my comatose state. Wings of blue and white raced towards the upcoming cannibals, one pair in particular catching my eye. The owner of the pair of wings had an undercut hairstyle and a smart mouth that I was hoping to avoid for the remainder of the operation.

"It's the Special Operations Squad!" "Captain Levi!" I watched in awe as the group dismounted from their horses and flew into the air, quickly latching onto the Titans. Levi took on two of the Titans by himself while the other four took on the last together. They were quick, smooth, and precise with their takedowns. The four underlings of Captain Levi executed such accuracy with their movements, all without speaking a single word to each other. But Levi was in a whole other league. I had never seen his technique before. The way he held his blades, the way he spun his body like a child's spinning top, the quickness of his movements. Who was this man?! He never attended the Cadet Corps. Where did Commander Erwin find this guy?!

Just as quickly as the Special Operations Squad showed up, they were back on their steeds and headed back to their spots in the formation, leaving the decaying corpses of Titans in their wake. "Hey, you! Lewis!" I looked up as Levi galloped to my horse. "Being dumb and freezing up like that is certainly gonna get you killed. And most likely get someone else killed if they try to save you. Try and act like a Scout for a change and pull yourself together. Now!" Levi scolded, his eyebrows knitting together in a scowl. He then rode off to join his squad. For once, I found myself speechless. I was wanting to cry right then and there. "I'm...sorry...I-" I muttered to myself as I bowed my head. Tears threatened to fall. I hadn't expected to freeze up like that. It's just...

I took a deep breath and continued to ride on. I was used to people scolding me. But that time, it felt as though... "It doesn't matter if you're my wife! What I say goes! If I want to treat you like dirt, then I will! And if I wanna hit you, then I will! If I wanna have my way with you, then I will! YOU'RE MINE!" I shivered at the memory. I held the reins tighter in my hands. My hands were shaking uncontrollably. Dammit...Dammit...Dammit!

I had to pull myself together and remember where I was. I still had a job to do. Thankfully, Dakota had kept it going for both of us while I froze up and was a hot mess. I quickly rubbed my eyes of any tears that threatened to fall and did my best to fix my breathing. "It's okay, I got this." I told myself out loud. I reached up and grabbed for the Fifty-third Expedition arm band that I wore. Take pride in this. No one can take it away. Not even him... Exhaling a long, hot breath, I took in another one. "Now, the initial shock is over. I know what to expect, for the most part. Stay on task." I surveyed the rest of the long-range formation. Green flares, good sign. Commander Erwin directed the formation, and we made our way further down range, avoiding large groups of Titans.

With friendly strokes of her mane, I encouraged Dakota and thanked her. She was doing such an excellent job. I looked back at my cargo and ensured that I hadn't lost anything during the voyage. Everything seemed to be intact. Good, at least I've done one thing right. It wasn't long before I saw more red flares light up the sky. And then one more color that I had wished I wouldn't see during this expedition. But that was too much to ask for, especially on my first trip outside humanity's stronghold. "Two o'clock! Fifteen-meter! We have an Abnormal!" Oh shit...