CHAPTER 9:

NIGHT TALKS

Later that night, Harry found that he couldn't sleep, despite all the tiring training. He'd woken up from a nightmare about Hermione after only a couple of hours, and found himself unable to go back to sleep. While he wasn't sure if he could wander the halls of Alexandria Castle with impunity, despite his being Lily's son, he decided to see if he could find a library, see if there were any interesting books. He'd brought some over, but maybe the ones his mother bought included some he hadn't read, and might be interested by.

On the way there, though, he ran into a pyjamas-wearing Alpha, who looked tired herself. Not that he looked any better, he wagered. "Oh, Harry," she said, giving him a tired smile. "Just as well I saw you."

"Why is that?"

"If one of the Numbers who haven't met you yet saw you, they might have mistaken you for an intruder. Especially as you're wearing your pyjamas. Anyway, let me guess. You can't sleep?" On Harry's mute nod, she said, "Neither can I. Come with me. I know a trick that helps…"

She led him to what had to be one of the kitchens of the palace. Despite looking mostly like a medieval kitchen, he actually noted some surprisingly modern-looking equipment, as well as some things Lily clearly bought on Earth. As she poured him glasses of water, he looked at a nearby shelf, which had jars of…wait, what? "Coffee? Chocolate? You have these on your world?"

"Not until recently, not as foodstuffs, anyway," Alpha said, leading him to a table, and sitting down with her glass in hand, having handed another to Harry. "Tea has been around for centuries, but while analogues to your coffee and cacao beans have existed on this world, nobody had thought to use them in the way your world did. Lily even told us that chocolate bars were a relatively recent invention on Earth, though chocolate drinks had been around for longer in Europe, and even longer in the Americas. I daresay that is why chocolate and coffee are so successful here. We've begun selling them through mail-order, in preparation for opening a department store chain in this world, as a means to raise funds for Dun Scaith. But enough of that. In truth, I wanted to talk to you in private. If you wish, you may call me Esther instead of Alpha for now."

"…Why? I mean, why have me call you Esther?"

"Because I know you feel ill at ease using our codenames," Alpha…no, Esther said gently. "Lily does too. She made remarks about one of your TV programs, The Prisoner."

"Oh, right. I AM NOT A NUMBER, I AM A FREE MAN!" Harry bellowed, in imitation of Number 6 from that show.

Esther giggled. "Is that a quote from the show? I prefer the premise of Doctor Who. To be able to simply travel through time and space, see what the universe has to offer…it must be wonderful."

"It's a good show, though a bit cheap-looking," Harry said. "They're starting a new series, though, sometime next year. But to change the topic, what does a glass of water have to do with helping us sleep?"

"It helps me sleep. I think it helps flush out any stress hormones or caffeine from my body," Esther said. "Or maybe it's what Lily calls a placebo. I could use meditation and refreshing magic to purge the mind of tiredness, but it never rids the body of the need to sleep, just postpones it. And as second in command to Dun Scaith, I need to be in optimal condition."

"Mum seems to trust you, Alpha…I mean, Esther," Harry said. "I'm still getting over the fact that the top-ranking people here are almost entirely girls my age or a little older. Mum was saying she didn't want you to become child soldiers, but still…"

"You're not uneasy about us being girls, though?" Esther asked incisively.

"Merlin, no!" Harry said. "I mean, my mum's a force to be reckoned with as you well know, I spent a lot of time with Andromeda Tonks and her daughter, and they could hand my rear to me with ease, and Hermione…" His face fell. "…Hermione was one of the best witches in Britain. About the only thing I'm uneasy about is being pretty much the only guy here."

"…Fair enough. We do have some male recruits, but those were those who defected from the Cult, and only after substantial vetting. We also have them on assignment. We also have some male contacts and allies, like Baron Kagenou. But the vast majority of us are female because Demonic Possession only affects females. But, going back to Hermione, that's part of what I wished to speak about. I wanted to apologise for Delta's…I mean, Sarah's behaviour."

"What? She was the one who needed to apologise, and besides, I knew she wasn't being malicious, just impulsive," Harry said.

"Yes, but as her superior officer, and her friend, I should have ensured she did not make you feel uncomfortable or hurt your feelings, Harry," Esther pointed out. "While Sarah has improved in leaps and bounds in terms of her mindset, in the end, she only really obeys orders from either myself or Lily. She's views us as co-alphas in her pack."

Harry stared at her. For a moment, he saw a familiar mane of bushy brown hair, brown eyes instead of sapphire. When he shook the vision away, and saw Esther sitting where he had briefly seen Hermione, he shook his head ruefully, chuckling bitterly. On her concerned look, he said, "Sorry, it's just…you reminded me quite a bit of Hermione yourself just then. It's stupid of me, but…"

"No, I'd be flattered by the comparison, Harry," Esther said. "She was clearly a girl of many great qualities, from what I heard. But neither do I want to replace her in your affections."

"…It didn't really get that far. It's like what I said. We could have ended up boyfriend and girlfriend, but we weren't quite thinking about things that way, Esther. We were just really good friends. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to replace her, but it's not like she was my girlfriend. I just want to get to know anyone who wants to have such a relationship with me," Harry said. "Why?"

Esther looked uncharacteristically uncomfortable, even embarrassed. "…I, uhh…" She took a moment to compose herself, eventually regaining her calm, though her cheeks remained flushed. "The fact is, Lily spoke to us of you in rather glowing terms. Not like you were a hero or anything like that, but as a good person. Many of us in the Seven Shades looked forward to meeting you, hoping to be your friend if and when she found a way to return to Earth. And make no mistake, finding a way back to Earth was a priority for her."

"I hope it was," Harry said, a little bitterness tinging his tone. "I mean, Sirius and the Tonks family looked after me well enough, but…I missed her. Even when Croaker said she hadn't died, that he could tell she was alive…I couldn't be sure. I worried she had lost her memory or was in a coma or was so horribly injured, she couldn't use her magic to come back to me. Sorry, I just…it was hard, dealing with that. Though given what you told me, you went through worse."

Esther nodded. "…My mother died not long before I became affected by Demonic Possession. My father…our relationship deteriorated after her death. Then again, he wasn't the best of men. He wanted to wed my aunt, Beatrix, but Beatrix refused, citing him as too weak. My mother was a consolation prize, in hindsight. I saw the signs, even if I only understand them now. And when I showed signs of Demonic Possession, he blamed me for killing my mother, even though it should have had nothing to do with it. Then again, my aunt had only recently visited, and I think they had an argument. My father banished me, even attacking me in a rage. I might have gone the way of Sarah if I had lingered. Killing of those affected is common. Supposedly, it is seen as a mercy…but it's also not dissimilar to what you would call an honour killing, to use Lily's term for it. As if the Demonic Possession we develop by chance was actually a sign of some deep sin."

"It's a sickness, not a sin!" Harry snapped.

"Actually, in a way, it is a sin, but not that of the victims. That's a story for another time, though," Esther said. "I spent weeks on the run, my flesh warping and rotting. I was captured by bandits working for the Cult, albeit unwittingly for the most part. Lily saved me."

After a moment's thought, Harry asked, "What of your aunt?"

"I thought she'd be like my father, but…according to intelligence we've gathered, she's actually looking for me. For now, though, it's convenient for me to remain missing, presumed dead, until we can be sure of her allegiances. Until we can be sure we can count on her to fight with us, or at least not betray us to the Cult of Diablos, deliberately or by letting something slip. Once we can confirm we can trust her, then I'll accept her as family again, as much as it hurts not to. But…family has shown itself to be a fragile bond, for me, and for others here."

"Yeah," Harry said. "I know what you mean." On her sharp look, he said, "Long story short, Remus Lupin, a man I considered an uncle, left Britain for a long time. He's a werewolf if you didn't know. But he'd had a major argument with both Sirius and Mum, apparently, angry over being considered the traitor, simply because he was a werewolf. My first memory of meeting him was on my eighth birthday, even if he had seen me before then. He always treated me well, but he was on bad terms with Sirius and Mum for a while afterwards, and after Mum disappeared, he and Sirius had another row. This one, I remember witnessing. Afterwards, he left. It wasn't until my third year at Hogwarts that I saw him again. We…haven't been on the best of terms. I kept asking him why, stupidly asking if he was what Sirius called him, a coward. True, he did teach me the Patronus to deal with the Dementors, and he treated me well, but we had a few arguments ourselves. The last one was the worst one. It was after I freed Buckbeak, and was facing a hearing for my expulsion. He told me I should have found another way. It went badly after that."

"You're still on bad terms with him?"

"Not that much. He did come to my birthday and tried to patch things up. But honestly, our relationship is civil, not loving, not on my part anymore. He's not a bad man by any means. Hell, by werewolf terms, he's practically a saint. But for someone who was Sorted into Gryffindor, he seems, well, cowardly, bluntly. I get not acting like an idiot, charging in where angels fear to tread. But…where was his courage to stand up for what was right?"

"Did you tell Lily?"

Harry shook his head. "I figured that Sirius or the Tonks would've already, or even Croaker. Besides, it's not like our relationship is dead and buried. He's a good teacher and a good man. He just needs to grow a damned better spine than the one he has. Dumbledore, for all that I have a LOT of issues with him, especially now I know he vouched for Snape when he shouldn't have, did quite a bit more for me."

"I see. So your relationship with Remus is…complicated," Esther said. She toyed with her glass of water. "Sorry for prying, I'm just…curious about you. So is Beta…I mean, Elizabeth, and Sarah, and, to a lesser degree, other members of the Seven Shades. I know the four of us at least want to be your friends, counting Hannah, that is, Gamma. I can't speak much for Zeta, Eta, or Epsilon, though. Zeta and Epsilon tend to rub others the wrong way for different reasons, and Eta is a mad scientist."

"Hey, that's fine," Harry said, giving her a reassuring smile. For all that this talk went to some dark and aggravating places, he actually liked talking to the Elf. "I don't really have many friends, and as long as you're trying to be friends with Harry Potter and not just the son of Lily, well that's fine by me. Besides, the three of you are nice girls, not to mention beautiful. I haven't spoken with Hannah enough yet to know what she's like beyond impressions."

Esther was blushing again, but smiling as well. It was good to see her smile. She usually looked and acted so seriously, and yet, he felt like he'd gotten a better look at the girl behind Alpha. "Thank you." She looked to the window, at the dark courtyard beyond it, before her expression became more solemn. "Still, I hope I can get some sleep. One thing that keeps me up at night is knowing that somewhere, there's more people suffering at the hands of the Cult. People like me, like my friends. I know I can't save everyone, but…I still feel that way. It's why I usually go by Alpha. Esther was the weak girl who lost her family, or was discarded by it."

"…I don't know what to say," Harry said, before looking down at his own glass. "Dumbledore himself said that to save everyone was madness, but I should do the best I could."

"Wise words, but…given what I went through…Demonic Possession is agony." She looked at her hand, flexing it. "I don't know what's worse, the sheer pain as your flesh warps and rots, or the fact that supposed family bonds mean nothing when a loved one suffers from it. Out of the Seven Shades, only Zeta's parents tried to look for a cure, and that ended badly. I don't want that to happen to anyone else."

"…Maybe. But…if you can't save everyone, try to save who you can," Harry said.

He felt like a hypocrite for saying it, though. He couldn't save Hermione. True, it wasn't like he could do anything to save her, he didn't know an attack on her was pending. But it didn't stop the guilt from coming. He couldn't save the Roberts family at the Quidditch World Cup. Buckbeak, thankfully, was someone he managed to save, but at considerable personal cost.

Esther nodded, before drinking her water. "It's easy for you to say, but…thank you for trying to help. You're a good person, Harry. But there's some things you can't cure." She stood. "Now, let's go back to bed. Hopefully, we can get some sleep."

Yes, hopefully, Harry thought as he drank the water. But sometimes, sleep didn't come easily, not when the mind and heart was plagued by dark thoughts that gnawed at them. He just hoped that it would come tonight, enough to get him needed rest, anyway…

CHAPTER 9 ANNOTATIONS:

So, Harry and Alpha/Esther have had a heart to heart.

This take on Alpha isn't as lovestruck as the canon one, though Alpha in this story is a little smitten with Harry, as is Beta and Delta (hence Delta's tactless question). Her main driving force in this version of events is both revenge against the Cult, and saving those affected by it.

Review-answering time! Jlargent: Ah, now, using something not unlike Scorpion's rope-dart was something I idly considered, oddly enough, and I'm not sure why. Also, remember, Delta can wield a sword made from slime. In fact, in the anime, she uses her sheer raw magical power to create one the size of a small building to wipe out Nelson's clones.

No numbered annotations this time.